


Persephone Rising

by Evil_Sapphyre, jillyfae, Sia



Series: The Shepard Project [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied or Off-stage Rape/Non-con, Military, Noncanonical Character Death, Romance, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2017-11-27 19:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 49
Words: 190,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Sapphyre/pseuds/Evil_Sapphyre, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillyfae/pseuds/jillyfae, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sia/pseuds/Sia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one gathers three such infamous, dangerous marines together for just a shakedown cruise.  So what else could really be going on?</p><p>And how wrong could things really go in one quick jaunt across the galaxy?</p><p>  <i>Let us count the ways … </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

"It's your crew, Captain, obviously you should be allowed to pick them. However, there are other concerns to consider beyond the simple balance of your command team." Admiral Hackett's gravelly voice was a match for his serious demeanor as he leaned back in his chair, eying the two other gentlemen in the small conference room.

"I know exactly who I want for my command crew, sir, and I hope my choices will serve well for all our goals." Captain Anderson sat, back straight but not stiff, apparently completely at ease. "I want Shepard."

"Lieutenant Commander Alexis Shepard is an excellent choice, Captain. With her family ties, she's exceptionally loyal to the Alliance, and she's a PR dream, thanks to her heroics in the Blitz." Ambassador Udina nodded sharply, obviously already planning his press release.

"I think you misunderstood me, Ambassador. I want all three of them."

A slight pause greeted Anderson's assertion, before Hackett leaned forward and fixed his serious gaze on the younger officer. "That would give you four biotics on one frigate, Captain. That's a concentration of resources that Command does not normally condone."

"These are not normal circumstances, Admiral. If they were, you would never have called this meeting. The situation on Eden Prime is unprecedented." The Captain paused, as if daring his superior officer to disagree with him. When neither of the other men broke the silence, he continued. "The choices for my command team are  _all_  on the short-list of potential candidates provided by the turian agent. The more options we give him, the more likely he'll be satisfied with his final recommendation. And if we're very lucky, he might recommend more than one." Anderson turned his dark gaze on the Ambassador, whose current expression couldn't seem to decide between the gasp of a landed fish and the sour pucker of biting into a lemon. "I understand your reservations regarding Lieutenant Commanders Meghan Shepard and Ella Shepard, but you have to admit, they have survived the worse the universe can throw at them, and they get the job done. These are traits the turian will respect. And I believe the potential benefits would out-weigh any negative press either might temporarily generate."

"Temporarily?" Udina sputtered. "There have been rumors regarding the sole survivor of Akuze's lack of mental stability since she somehow managed to get herself enrolled in the Academy, never mind what happened to her later, and the fuss over the butcher's inclusion in special forces training never really died down. You want soldiers like that raised up as humanity's best and brightest?"

"Yes, I do. Because they are." Anderson's gaze stayed level, and he answered the angry politician calmly and firmly. The two men glared at each other, neither willing to back down.

"These are the kind of people you want protecting the galaxy?" Udina demanded.

"They're the only ones who can protect the galaxy," Anderson responded coolly.

"Enough." Hackett broke the stand-off in disgust. "The Captain has a point, Ambassador. We have the opportunity to get more than one candidate under consideration, and we'd be fools not to take it."

"The press will have a field day! The slightest hint that we're moving three of the most infamous members of the Alliance to the same posting, and concentrating human biotics on a turian ship? It will be impossible to distract them back to anything we want them to report!"

"The  _Normandy_  is not a turian ship!" Anderson scowled at the politician.

"That's not the point, Captain. The point is that the press will make a story out of their pasts, not the future we're working towards." Udina sneered back at the captain.

"Ambassador," Hackett interrupted again, "you're right."

Hackett's unexpected support managed to shut the verbal combatants up, as they both stared at him in surprise.

"We won't send their orders through channels. It'll leak, and we'll have a public relations disaster." Spinning his chair, he brought up the holo-display on the console built into the table against the wall, ignoring the previously squabbling men behind him as he worked.

"Based on their current duty assignments, I think I can get them all on leave about when the  _Normandy_ will be ready to depart." Hackett finally turned around. "It shows they went to Academy and N training together. They're friends, aren't they, Captain?" At Anderson's slight nod, Hackett allowed a small smile to cross his face. "Then you shouldn't have any trouble picking them all up on Arcturus Prime. I'll make sure I send a staff officer to round them up for you when you arrive." He paused a moment in thought. "Lieutenant Villanova's discreet. He'll probably do." The Admiral stood, nodding in satisfaction. "I'm glad we got that figured out. Thank you gentlemen. If you'll contact the Council representative, Ambassador? Good luck on your shakedown run, Captain." Without giving either man a chance to reply, Admiral Hackett turned on his heel and strode out of the room.

Udina's lips tightened for a moment before he stood as well. "I'll go make the call, Captain. Good luck. I hope we don't regret this decision."

Alone in the room, Anderson sighed softly, the slightest loosening of his shoulders the only signal of his relief. Standing, he pulled his jacket straight and headed out to return to his new ship.

The holographic display in the conference room gave one last flash, before powering down in the silent room.

_keyword(s) recognized: Shepard_  
 _Demeter Status: Dormant_  
 _subject artemis: upgrade to active watch_  
 _subject atalanta: upgrade to active watch_  
 _subject athena: upgrade to active watch_  
 _Persephone Activated_


	2. First Impressions

"XO Alexis Shepard is aboard, Marine Commander Meghan Shepard is aboard, Flight Commander Ella Shepard is aboard. Lieutenant Commanders Shepard are reporting for duty," the VI stated as the decontamination chamber opened to reveal the sterile metal walls of their new posting. Alexis briefly glanced behind herself to catch Meghan grinning defiantly at the dark haired Ella, who shifted her weight slightly as they waited. As the Alliance's poster girl, they'd all decided Alexis would go first into their new ship.

This would be the three friends' first posting together since the Academy and they were looking forward to it. However, their anticipation was dimmed by the fact that Admiral Hackett had cut short their first leave together in ages on Arcturus Prime to meet the  _Normandy_ on one of its refueling stopovers. They hadn't even had time to change and their belongings had been shipped ahead as if they were some sort of obnoxious VIPs. Alexis normally would not have been bothered much by such things; however, the circumstances surrounding their arrival had filled her with a certain discomfort.

"Discomfort," was an understatement for how she felt, though; it was closer to shame. Before the three of them had left for their night out, she had been more than agreeable to wearing the tight black skirt that had a tendency to slide up her thighs as she walked and the shiny ice blue halter top. Now that she had arrived at her first posting as ship's XO, she was more than a trifle mortified that she was standing at the airlock in these rather inappropriate clothes and sandaled heels, which showed that she had managed to find a shade of nail polish for her toenails to precisely match her top.  _Fucking great priorities for a Commander there, Lex,_ she chided to herself. She hesitated in front of the open airlock door, despite the fact that both Meghan and Ella were dressed in a similar fashion.

Meghan stood to her back left, dressed in faux leather pants and a backless V-neck red halter. Her golden blonde hair had been painstakingly curled at the ends so that it hung in a mass of ringlets below her shoulders. The thick black kohl over her eyelids made her green eyes appear even more vivid. The skyscraper-heeled black boots that came to her knees completed the outfit. Ella stood to her back right, staring at the ground, dressed in a little lavender dress. The pale color contrasted beautifully against the woman's naturally dark tones. Her hair was currently braided and beaded, and she had opted for a more minimalist look for her own makeup.

Of course, all of the careful planning for their appearances had been ruined by the bar fight that had ensued during their first night out, a bar fight to which Meghan and Ella had been central figures. Meghan appeared to be the worst off of the three. Her careful eye make up was smeared with a blackening eye, and her lower lip was split. Her knuckles were abraded and one of the straps of her top was ripped and hanging by a thread. Her faux leather pants were scuffed and torn along one seam and her meticulously curled hair was a rat's nest of snarls. Ella's lavender dress was dingy and covered in stains, several of which were apparently blood given their blackish red tinge. Additionally, the heel to her left shoe was currently missing, having been broken early in the fiasco.

Alexis, courtesy of her attempt to stop the bar fight, had been doused in someone's drink and could not escape the smell of stale beer. That, of course, had been before the MPs had arrived. It had taken a few hours, and the unexpected arrival of a cadaverously thin, officious young Lieutenant from the Admiralty Staff, to get them out of the trouble that fight had caused. Alexis had scarcely acknowledged either Meghan or Ella since leaving lockup. She was still feeling annoyed with her fellow commanders. Resisting the urge to rake a hand through her already disheveled blonde hair, Alexis led her fellow Lieutenant Commanders through the airlock Lieutenant Villanova had dragged them to without much in the way of explanation. He'd said it was their new duty station, a highly prestigious one, and wished them luck before disappearing back into the bowels of the Arcturus station.

The interior of the Normandy was sleek, and entirely too quiet. The sounds of their high heeled shoes echoed rather noticeably against the floor as Alexis and the other commanders entered. Glancing aft, most of the crew paid little mind to them, focusing at their work stations along the wall. She could see larger station at the end of the deck that took up the majority of the room.

"Oh, please, don't let this be a dream," a male voice uttered to her left.

Snapping her attention toward the sound, Alexis found herself staring into the bridge of the ship. A bearded man seemed to be the source, sitting in what she guessed was the pilot's seat, and half turned around and grinning mischievously at the three of them. He certainly made no attempt to even mask the fact that he was staring intently at them. To his right stood another man who was currently half bent over one of the consoles and not looking in their direction. His attention seemed split between the console and his Omnitool.

Wanting to get through this as fast as possible, Alexis took a few steps toward the two men, a small frown on her lips as she felt her skirt slide up a bit more. She smoothed it down without thinking, the bearded man's eyes following the movement of her hands. "Please inform the Captain that the Commanders Shepard have arrived."

"The Captain has already been notified. He should be along shortly," the other man stated, as he stood up and glanced back to them. A surprised, questioning look crossed his face briefly before he turned back to the console and resumed his work quietly.

"Of course, one of you fine ladies are more than welcome to wait right here," the bearded man said, patting his lap gently, eliciting a short laugh from Meghan.

"How about I shove my shoe heel first into that lap?" Ella spat out angrily, flexing the foot that still had one very sharp-looking heel.

"Ella…," Alexis sighed.

"Oh, I like her. She's feisty." Somehow the bearded man managed to grin even more.

"Joker!" the other man admonished, the light from his omnitool flickering off as he turned to look at the man in the pilot's chair. From behind, the other man had seemed like just another nice ass in Alliance BDUs, but the rest of him seemed to be just as good, with his dark hair and tanned complexion. At first glance, he seemed far more fit than the typical Alliance recruit, his uniform conforming to the sculpted muscles of his chest and abs. That probably meant marine rather than shipboard tech.

"What?" Joker asked innocently, adjusting his ball-cap as he glanced over at the lieutenant beside him.

The other man sighed and shook his head before finally looking over at the three women standing just outside the bridge. Stepping forward, his dark eyes glanced between the three of them before finally settling on Alexis, as she was standing in front still. "You'll have to ignore Joker. He hasn't quite been housebroken."

"I'll break him for you. Starting with his jaw, so he can't speak," Ella stated, glaring as she crossed her arms under her breasts. Her aggressive posture was undermined by a slight wobble as she tried to balance on her broken shoe.

Joker laughed from his chair. "I can think of much better places you can start with, babe. And, besides, if you break my jaw, you'd miss out on the marvelous things I can do with my tongue."

Ella's mouth twitched slightly. When Alexis suddenly realized her friend was amused enough to say something equally outrageous, the icy blonde shifted slightly to her right to place herself immediately between Ella and the loud-mouthed pilot.

"Lieutenant, this is Flight Lieutenant Commander Ella Shepard. Your immediate superior. As amusing as you think you are, I suggest you remember that. No matter what she's wearing right now," Meghan said severely. Alexis could only hope it was enough to remind them both to behave.

The pilot let out a melodramatic sigh as he turned his chair around to face his consoles. The man standing in front of Alexis diverted his gaze past her to Meghan, one eyebrow arched slightly. "And you are, ma'am?"

"Marine OIC, Lieutenant Commander Meghan Shepard," the rough-looking blonde replied, her posture imitating her fellow LtC's.

The dark haired man nodded to Meghan slightly in acknowledgement. "Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. I'll be serving as your 2iC for the marine detachment aboard the Normandy."

Alexis looked from the Lieutenant back to Meghan. The other blonde rolled her eyes, wincing slightly as she did so. Alexis had to fight the sudden urge to smirk since the black eye was Meghan's own fault. Plus, she knew that no matter how much Meghan claimed first impressions did not matter, she could not be quite happy with how things were progressing. "Staff Lieutenant. I would like to meet in a few hours and go over personnel. Depending on the Captain's schedule, of course." Meghan's tone dared the Lieutenant to comment on any unprofessionalism.

"Of course, ma'am," Kaidan replied, his voice cool and impassive. He then brought his dark eyes back to Alexis, waiting expectantly.

"Lieutenant Commander Alexis Shepard," she said offering forward a hand to him. It felt a bit strange to actually introduce herself. At most of her postings, someone in the staff had always blurted out who she was before it was necessary, thanks in part to the extensive PR campaign that the Alliance had centered around her. It was actually rather refreshing for a change.

"Pleasure to be serving with you, ma'am," he said politely as he shook her hand. A small shock of energy rolled between their hands as they made contact. She gave him a curious glance, recognizing the biotic energy for what it was. She was a bit surprised that she had not noticed the additional crackling of static in her ears. Of course, both Meghan and Ella could drown out most other biotics' residual resonance, especially when they were angry.

"Oh, good. You're already getting to know some of the crew." All three women straightened up as they recognized the commanding officer approaching, followed closely by an older man dressed in Class As who looked rather perturbed.

Alexis let go of the lieutenant's hand and turned her full attention to Anderson and the officer accompanying him. "It's good to see you again, Captain."

"Oh, I wouldn't be too happy about seeing me. I've already received a report on what happened last night," Anderson said curtly. Alexis immediately felt a slight flush of heat spread to her face at his words, but the captain did not wait to see if any of the commanders would dare respond. "This is Navigator Pressly. He'll be working with both you and Ella."

"Commanders," Pressly said curtly as he looked to each of them with open disapproval. "I believe a troop of marines came barreling through here earlier with your belongings. I advised them to leave the bags by the lockers on the crew deck."

"Thank you, Pressly. I believe the Flight Commander may wish to speak with you later," Anderson said before turning his attention back to Alexis and the other commanders. "As for you three, I need to see you in the debriefing room. We have a turian guest."

"Of course. Permission to change first, sir?" Alexis asked.

"Denied, Commander. Consider this a reminder in _consequences_ ," Anderson said before turning and heading down the gantry.

A cold knot of biotic energy twisted in Alexis's stomach a moment as the cutting remark from the captain lingered in the dead air. Refusing to even look at either Meghan or Ella, she stalked past both and followed the captain, her heels echoing loudly against the floor.

Fortunately, the walk itself to the debriefing room was short, and Alexis moved off to one side after following Anderson into the small round room. Meghan and Ella entered moments after her, but Alexis continued to ignore them to focus on Anderson, who had crossed the room to speak quietly to a turian.

The three commanders stood in a row at parade rest as they waited for the captain to give them his attention. The tall dark human man stood next to an even taller turian in full armor painted black with red highlights and enough weapons to take over the  _Normandy_  strapped to his back. The human looked at his three new Commanders, his expression wry, his warm brown eyes narrowed at them. The turian's cheekplates flared out and down and his green-gold eyes seemed to take in their disheveled appearance without judging.

"This is Nihlus Kryik, a Council Spectre." Anderson began. "He's here to observe the  _Normandy_ on her shakedown run, as a representative for the Council's interests." He stepped forward, arms clasped behind his back. "I specifically requested all three of you to be posted on my ship. I need each of you to keep your staff focused on their jobs. There's bound to be speculation running wild, and I want everything running at one-hundred percent."

The turian stepped forward. "I'm eager to see an Alliance warship at work. It shall be interesting to see how your methods differ from our own."

"You heard the man, Commanders. Let's show him what we can do," he ordered.

"Permission to speak freely, Captain?" Meghan asked, from where she stood next to Alexis. The turian's cheekplates flared downward and his brow ridges went up.

Anderson speared the youngest Shepard with his brown-eyed glare, "Permission granted, Commander. What's on your mind?"

"With all due respect, Captain, you want us to show a turian a top-secret Alliance frigate, including our procedures and tactics?" She directed her gaze to the turian in question. "No offense, sir."

The turian's cheekplates shifted upwards and he emitted a choked sound that may have been an aborted laugh. Anderson glanced from the alien in question back to Meghan. "He's not a turian, he's a Spectre."

A chastened tone in her voice, Meghan responded, "Understood, sir."

He pointedly looked at each of the women. "Unless there are any other questions?"

"No, sir," Ella responded quietly for all of them.

"You're dismissed." Captain Anderson nodded slightly towards Alexis. "I'll expect a pre-launch status report from my XO in two hours."

"Yes, sir," Alexis stated simply. Beside her, Meghan simply nodded and spun around to leave with Ella right behind her. Once the other two women had stepped through the door, Alexis turned and followed as well. _This is a hell of a way to start a new posting._

"Well, that went well," Meghan said, sarcastically as the door slid shut behind them.

"Gee, Meg, what the hell was your first clue?" Alexis asked bitterly as she walked past the other blonde.

"The smart ass in the pilot's chair? Or maybe it was the look on the Navigator's face." Ella sighed as she headed for the stairs.

"And here I thought it was when the MPs showed up last night," Alexis said with a shake of her head before falling in step behind the dark haired woman. The three Commanders made their way to the crew deck where several black duffels were stacked in front of a small bank of lockers. A weight felt as if it were lifted from her shoulders as Alexis spied their seabags. With the help of the other two, they quickly sorted which bags belonged to whom.

"If you'll excuse me, ladies, I'm going to go stop smelling like a cheap brewery," Alexis said dryly before heading off to the showers with her belongings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XO: executive officer  
> OIC: officer-in-charge  
> 2iC: 2nd in command


	3. Personnel

Meghan stared at her eye in a small hand mirror in Medbay. "Thanks, doc. It's bad enough I had to show up at a new posting dressed like an asari hooker, but to have a black eye on top of it just added insult to injury."

Doctor Chakwas smiled, "Just don't try to stop anyone's fist with your face again, Commander, and you'll do fine."

Meghan snorted. "I'm just glad it wasn't a krogan and it was only an asari." She blinked at the doctor. "I hope she wasn't an example of her species' combat training, because other than this lucky shot, she hit like a girl."

Chakwas laughed, "You're cleared for duty, Commander."

Meghan took that as the dismissal it was and slid off the examination table. Her eye was taken care of and the swelling and bruising was going down. Her knuckles had been cleaned and disinfected. It was now time to find the showers and get into her shipboard BDUs before tracking down her LT. Who, judging from the distant expression on his face, had about as much of a sense of humor as Toombs once did.  _No, don't think about Akuze._

Almost getting lost on the way to the showers was also not a good first day sign. This was getting ridiculous. This thing was certainly not designed like any frigate she'd ever been on. She wondered what changes they'd made to Marine Country. It was usually a spot aft and below where the ship's Marine detachment trained and lived away from the elitist flyboys who ran the ship.

Finally finding the locker room on the next floor down, Meghan Shepard reflected on hers and her fellow Commanders' entrance to the Normandy. Of all the postings she'd ever had in her Alliance career, she was hard-pressed to think of a worse way to introduce herself to her new crew. It didn't help that her humorless 2iC was damned fine-looking Marine, either. Shepard had never had a problem with bending (or completely shattering) the fraternization regs, but after her questionable introduction to her new command, she was smart enough to realize she needed to be far more professional for a while than she usually would.

Entering the locker room, she found Alexis and Ella already there. She quickly showered and after making sure they were alone, decided it was time to clear the air. She needed to do it before Alexis rocketed out of the locker room since she was already mostly dressed. Feeling blood rush to her face in shame, she told the other fair-haired woman, "Look, I know I was out of line last night. And I'm sorry I was the cause of us showing up like this."

"Fuck it, Meg, I helped. You don't get to take all the blame." Ella paused in her struggle with her braids to glance up at the other two women. "I'm sorry, too, Lex. This is obviously not how any of us wanted our leave to go. Or our next assignment." She shrugged, a smile twitching across her face. "Kinda glad I had company for that lovely entrance though."

Alexis shrugged slightly as she pulled on her boots. "Just remind me to not let either of you drink tequila next time."

"You said, 'next time!' Guess that means you're not going to smother us in our sleep, huh?" Ella quipped, while at the same time, Meghan snorted.

"It wasn't the tequila, Lex. Some low-level Alliance jackass was armchair quarterbacking Akuze for his asari slut," she told the two women. "OK, so the tequila didn't help," she added as an after-thought.

Alexis could not help but chuckle slightly at Ella's comment, but then with a more serious tone, she asked Meghan, "You couldn't just ignore them?"

"That would be the part where I helped. He really was a jack-ass. Surrounded by the most Neanderthal of fellow grunts, who seemed proud of his stupidity." Ella swore softly as her fingers got caught in her hair. "Fuckin' lovely day, this."

Despite Ella's peacemaking, Meghan felt her rage bubble to the surface, but managed to just barely reign in the desire to give Alexis a right hook to the jaw. Instead she took her anger out on her hair, ruthlessly twisting it up into her habitual messy bun. In the deadly quiet voice the other women were familiar with, the more volatile Shepard said, simply, "You know what I lost there. You honestly expect me to take that shit lying down?"

Pulling on her other boot, Alexis sighed. "I know what you lost, but you can't beat the shit out of every person who mouths off about it. Some people aren't worth it."

"They may not be, but my unit was," Meghan replied, her voice still quiet as she gave her boot a final yank to test the straps.

"Besides, beating up the stupid people is a time-honored shore leave tradition, Lex," Ella attempted yet again to distract her friends from their simmering tempers. "As is picking up a nice anonymous young man for some fun, which I did not get to do."

Meghan chuckled, some of her bad-temper dissipating. "And we both know how you get when you haven't gotten any in a while."

"And that is thanks to Admiral Hackett and Captain Anderson, not either of you. I mean, what did they expect us to be doing on our first night of leave?"

Alexis shook her head at the both of them. "Just don't start anything funny with the crew."

"I'm not a total idiot, Lex. I can keep my damn libido in check. If I have to. I guess." Ella mockingly pouted.

Meghan grinned, placing her hands on her hips, "Aw, c'mon... that LT was gorgeous! I'm going to enjoy having him serve under me."

Ella gave a sharp bark of laughter. "Shouldn't Lex get first pick? Pretty sure she saw that ass first."

"Only by a few seconds," Meghan replied, her grin widening.

Alexis rolled her eyes then laughed at her friends. "Yes, well, he's still off limits, being a marine and all. Keep that in mind so I don't have to write you up, Meg."

"Spoilsport," Meghan retorted.

Ella smiled at Meg briefly, before continuing more seriously, "Should be off-limits anyway. Frigate's too damn small to get involved with anyone, even if they're not in your chain of command. Though, lucky XO here, she can't fool around with anyone."

"As if I would. I'm not about to muddy things up by breaching protocol," Alexis said as she stood and adjusted her uniform.

Looking over at Ella, Meghan replied, "Everyone on this boat is 'in our chain of command.' Price of being successful."

"And it's totally worth it, lost shore-leave-be-damned. We finally have a proper posting. Not just mopping up messes in the back of the Traverse, not a PR stunt for the hero, or a veiled psych eval for us lunatics. An experimental frigate with a famous captain and an actual mandate, even if no one's telling us what it is yet." Still smiling, she finally yanked her last braid mostly free, and stuffed a handful of beads into the side pocket of her duffel. "And now I need a shower and some real boots. Have fun with your new officers, ladies." Ella grabbed a towel and headed out the back door of the locker room. "Just not too much fun, Meghan!" her voice echoed back after she was out of sight.

Meghan glanced at Alexis, her grin disappearing at Ella's departure, "Why do I have a bad feeling about her and her 'officer'?"

"Because she likes smart asses?" Alexis offered, making one last attempt to straighten her uniform before leaving the locker room.

Meghan sighed and tucked a strand of hair that was already escaping from her bun behind her ear as she went in search of her lieutenant.

She found him just outside of Marine Country. He was crouched down low to the ground, a panel from the wall at his feet and he was up to his elbows in wires and tubes and circuits. The dim lighting of the walkway was circumvented by a small hand-held floodlight aimed into the panel. As she watched, the dark haired man ran the back of his hand across his brow. Since she could see no sweat and the hallway was cool, she figured it was a nervous habit. "Ah, Lieutenant. Need any help with that?"

He started and muttered a soft curse as he banged his elbow on the opening that caused Meghan's eye brows to rise. He stood up, sheepishly rubbing his elbow, "Uh, no, ma'am. There just seems to be a bug in one of Joker's instrument panels. I've traced it to this junction so far."

Meghan frowned at the lieutenant, "Uh, doesn't this ship have techs for that, Lieutenant Alenko?"

He shook his head, "We're running short handed, ma'am, so the marines are pitching in where we can. A lot of us have secondary skills, after all."

Meghan snorted, "Glad someone does." She shook her head slightly to get herself back on track. "If you've got a moment Lieutenant, I'd like to go over what you've done with my marines."

He glanced down at the open panel, "Give me a few minutes to get this squared away, ma'am, and I'll meet you in the barracks?"

"Mess. I haven't had anything to eat since," she paused to think about it. "Good lord, 1300 yesterday. Wonder why I haven't fainted yet?" At the reminder she hadn't eaten in that long, her stomach took the opportunity to growl loudly.

The lieutenant smiled shyly at the sound, "You wouldn't also happen to be a biotic, would you, Commander?"

"Guilty as charged. 'As well.' You are too?"  _Tech and a biotic? Must be one of those Sentinels the Alliance was always bragging about,_  Meghan thought.

He looked at her sidelong as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop as he said, "I'm an L-2."

Meghan stared at him blankly for a moment as she tried to figure out why he said that as if it had some significance. She blinked and said, "Oh. Well, given that you're here and not tied up in a straight jacket in Medbay, I'm going to assume you're one of the lucky ones and completely forget about it."

It was his turn to blink in astonishment, "Really? No concerns about my instability or migraines?"

She shrugged, "The Old Man wouldn't have you on the ship if either of those things was a problem. He's not concerned, I'm not concerned. But in the interest of full disclosure," she paused and took a deep breath. "I was on Akuze."

He stared at her for a moment, as if trying to process what she was telling him. She waited nervously. She usually got one of three responses: far too many questions about how she was dealing, the asinine armchair quarterbacking from ignorant blowhards, like the guy at the bar, or the accusation that she must have left her unit to die. The lieutenant surprised her with none of those reactions. "I'm sorry."

Floored by his response, she blurted, "What, no second guessing?"

Half his mouth went up in a smile. "Get that a lot do you?"

"You have no idea. 'If I'd been there, I'd have shown those worms who's boss!'" Meghan rolled her eyes.

"Nothing like idiots who weren't there rehashing the play-by-plays."

Meghan nodded, "Thank you." She turned on her heel, "The mess, ten minutes, LT."

"I'll be there, ma'am."

It took him seven minutes to appear in the mess. Just barely enough time for the synthesizer to spit out something that vaguely looked like nachos for Meghan. She looked at it dubiously and caught her lieutenant regarding her food choice with amusement. "How can it screw up nachos?" she demanded.

"Don't ask me, ma'am. I just work here," he responded, waiting for her to precede him to the table.

She sat the plate down and unwrapped the plastic utensil that had come out with the meal, "Maybe you can fix this once you get Joker's gadgets up and running." She grabbed a chip and shoved the goopy cheese and slightly burnt tasting beans into her mouth. "Oh, my god, that's terrible!" She covered her mouth, forcing herself to swallow before she got sick all over the table and her lieutenant.

The subordinate in question choked on a laugh, "Here, let me get you something else. I've had a few more days to get used to this thing." Meghan stared forlornly at the most awful plate of one of her favorite foods in the galaxy she'd ever had the misfortune to sample.

A large bowl of elbow macaroni swimming in the same processed cheese that had been so terrible with the offensive artificial refried beans slid in front of her with a bottle of water. It smelled much better than the nachos. She quickly took a large bite, barely waiting for it to cool. Now that food was in front of her and it was edible, she had no patience for eating slowly. Around her second bite, she said, "You are a god among men, LT."

He laughed, "No, ma'am, just experienced. There's been a lot of trial and error in the last few days with that thing."

"So, this is a turian designed ship, right?"

Warily, he looked at her, clearly wondering where she was going with the question. "Yes."

"Did they let the turians design the mess, too?"

"It wouldn't surprise me, ma'am. Joker's named that thing, 'Julia.'"

"Old girlfriend?"

The other biotic chewed and swallowed a bite of sandwich he must have gotten when he picked up the macaroni and cheese for Meghan. He grinned at his superior officer, "No, some chef back in the 20th. Supposedly screwed up quite often but when she got it right it was heaven on earth, or so he claims."

Meghan looked at Alenko doubtfully, "I think our pilot spends too much time on the extranet."

"You're probably right."

She slid her empty bowl to the side and gulped the water. "So, our marines," she prompted.

"Oh, yeah. Here." His Omnitool flared open and he tapped a few of the holographic keys. "You should have their dossiers in a few seconds."

Her 'tool pinged with the sound of received mail. Before activating it, she looked around at the slowly gathering lunch crowd. There was a short line in front of 'Julia,' "Personnel discussions are best had away from the personnel."

He looked around and nodded, "Comm room?"

"You read my mind, Lieutenant."

"I'll try not to make it a habit, ma'am."

They disposed of their plates and utensils and walked through the gangway up to the CIC and to the communications room in companionable silence. Meghan was relieved to find out her new Lieutenant wasn't a dick and was actually quite a nice guy. She faltered in her steps for a moment as a memory from Akuze hit her in the stomach and she forced it down without acknowledging it. The LT glanced at her questioningly and she shook her head and entered the large room. "So, who do we have, LT?"

He took a moment to activate his Omnitool and hit a few buttons, "Corporal Richard L. Jenkins. Hasn't seen much action, but his scores are off the charts and he seems to be greener than . . . those beans that came out of Julia." Meghan barked a short laugh. "Private John Fredricks, been in for a couple of years. A few commendations. Should get promoted after this tour. Private First Class Scotty Tremaine. Was due for a promotion last year, but got into a bar fight," Alenko glanced at Meghan, his eyebrow raised. "In which he nearly burned down the bar. Got disciplinary action that put him on probation."

Meghan looked at Alenko, "So... why did Anderson ask for him?"

Alenko shrugged, "Apparently, the kid's a crack shot. Hand him a sniper rifle and he can hit his target one-hundred percent of the time. Never misses."

"Good that he's on our side. Who else?" Meghan knew she could open her Omnitool and just get this information herself, but it was important to know her 2iC's impressions and thoughts of their marines before the shit hit the fan. And her instincts were already telling her to trust the guy. Her instincts were rarely wrong.

"Engineer Corporal Shannon Foraker. Apparently, there's nothing she can't hack, or overload, or sabotage." The dark haired man looked up to meet Meghan's eyes, "But, when you talk to her, you'd swear you were talking to a computer. I'm not saying she's cold, just that she might not process things. . ." he trailed off looking for the right word.

"The way people who aren't tech obsessed would?" Meghan finished his sentence.

"That's pretty much what I was looking for, yes." He looked back at his 'tool, "First Sergeant Michael McKean is a career man. He's got a wife and daughter on Terra Nova. He's gotten training to move up to Gunnery Sergeant, he's just waiting for the slot to open. Seems some young kid got it ahead of him, don't ask him about it unless you want an earful." Alenko seemed to consider to whom he was speaking and glanced up at his CO, "I mean, he tends to rant."

"I'll keep that in mind. So, three privates, one corporal, one sergeant; a Staff Lieutenant and three Lieutenant Commanders? That seem like an odd complement to you, LT?" Meghan asked, her brow furrowed.

"Ours not to reason why, ma'am."

"Ours but to do or die," Meghan completed the quote. "Tennyson's such a cheerful wretch wasn't he?"

"You know Tennyson?" Alenko's voice was genuinely startled.

Meghan grinned, "I'm not just a pretty face, LT." A chime from her 'tool interrupted her and she straightened up to leave. "However, duty calls. I'll let you go back to repairing Joker's toys."

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

Meghan walked out of the debriefing room and ran right into the turian Spectre. She bounced off him and would have landed on her ass if he hadn't caught her. "Shepard."

"Nihlus. Sorry about that. Can I help you with something?" She asked, staring up into the alien features and pulling her arms out of his grasp.

The man's? Thing's? Alien's? cheekplates flared and he responded, "No, just looking around before I head to the bridge. Do  _you_  need anything Commander?"

Stepping around him, Meghan looked at him, her brow furrowed, "Uh, no? I'm good, thanks." She headed back down toward Marine Country, trying to shake the feeling the turian was watching her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to David Weber's Honorverse for our marine contingent.


	4. Crazy Ivan

Ella sighed, slumped on the bench outside of the showers. Alexis and Meghan were gone, but getting her braids out had taken almost as long as putting them in the previous afternoon. So she had necessarily been a bit delayed in making sure she was finally regulation again - _with boots, even_. She stretched her legs and flexed her toes experimentally. Everything was sore, but luckily none of her bruises had been as obvious as Meg's black eye. She had delayed as long as possible, digging a powerbar out of her duffel to tide her over until she had time for a proper meal, but she knew she really had to stop procrastinating and attempt to salvage her first impression with her flight crew sooner rather than later. Which would be easier if she'd gotten proper orders and personnel files, rather than being thrown blindly aboard ship. With another sigh, she dragged herself up and back on duty.

The heavy sound of her boots hitting the deck as she walked into the CIC was a welcome change from her previous awkward clatter, and she found her mood improving slightly. A boost she was pretty sure she was going to need as she approached her severe 2iC. "Navigator Pressly? A moment of your time?"

The older man turned away from his console by the galaxy map, his face cool and stiff in a professional mask she could only admire. His shoulders were tight, and she was pretty sure that if he was an inch less professional he'd be trying to sneer down his nose at her.

"Commander." He nodded briefly.

"I just wanted to take a moment to apologize for my unorthodox entrance, Navigator, and ask if you'd be available to discuss our flight crew in fifteen?"

"Certainly. We're running our pre-launch checks now, but Lieutenant Quinn is available to cover for me at your convenience, ma'am." The officer's voice wasn't remotely warm or friendly, but at least it wasn't snide or insubordinate either.

"Thank you, Pressly." She paused uncomfortably, but forced herself to ask. "Unfortunately, I don't actually know who Lieutenant Quinn is. I'll need a copy of the roster at our meeting as well."  _Way to impress the man with my excellent preparation._

"Of course." He paused questioningly. "If that will be all, Commander?"

"For now. I'll leave you to your work then." With a final nod, Ella turned away, suppressing a sigh. Already her top officer didn't like her. And they hadn't even gotten to any of the unpleasant conversations about her background that she usually had to wade through. It was going to be a fun cruise at this rate.

_And that's only step one._ She continued up the Command deck towards the cockpit. The well-built Marine tech who had been up there earlier had apparently long since moved on, but the scruffy pilot was still planted in his chair. And completely ignoring her approach as she stomped toward him.

"Lieutenant Joker, is it?" She stopped just behind his right shoulder, hoping he'd turn around to introduce himself properly, and they could pretend their first conversation never happened.

"Looked you up, Commander."  _Well, there went that plan._  "Knew there were a bunch of Shepards in the service, couldn't quite place you on my own." The pilot's voice was even as he kept an eye on his screens. "So why is the Butcher of Torfan in charge of my baby? You know this girl's designed to avoid the rampant killing and bloodshed, right?"

"Your baby?" Ella raised her eyebrows at the pilot's aggressive tone. She couldn't decide if she was impressed at his nerve for insulting her despite her bloodthirsty reputation, or annoyed at his assumption she was too stupid to take advantage of the  _Normandy's_  strengths. "Wouldn't she be Captain Anderson's baby?"

"No offense, but the Captain doesn't make her dance. I do." Joker finally turned his head away from his console to look at her from under the brim of his hat. "Gonna answer the question? Ma'am?"

"That was perilously close to insubordination, Lieutenant." She paused thoughtfully, considering the pilot and his hostile glare. Good pilots tended towards the insubordinate, or just plain crazy, but they were usually worth it. And Anderson  _had_  picked him. "This particular soldier majored in mathematics and astrogation at the Academy, and enjoys aiming big guns. They seem to think that means I'm good at managing starships." She smiled slightly as his eyes widened. "What, surprised the grunt can do more than add two-plus-two? Rumors to the contrary, the brass usually tries not to put total idiots in charge of ground assaults. Or send them off to special forces training if they're bad at it."

"If you're one of us space-nerds, why'd they put you on ground assault at all?" The pilot's tone was much friendlier this time, and he turned his chair so he could face her directly.  _Wow, he's got very green eyes; they may be greener than Meg's._

"Biotic." Ella shrugged, wondering if that would make him nervous when her reputation hadn't. Most people didn't like either one.

"Another one? You and the Hero? Man, Alenko's got some competition."

"Staff Lieutenant Alenko? The tech from earlier? The marine second in command?" Ella whistled softly, as she realized that meant there were at least four biotics on board. She'd never even been posted with one before. Which meant there were even more reasons to suspect this wasn't a standard shake-down run than the Captain had implied in the briefing.  _What the hell have we gotten ourselves into?_

"That's him." Joker nodded. "Sentinel. What's your specialty?"

"The XO, Marine CO, and I are all vanguards. Had our training together. Several times, actually."

"All three of you? At the same time? With the same last name? That's a nasty trick to play on the instructors. Bet you drove them crazy. Did they give you nicknames, or something?"

"Ice, Storm, and Fire." Ella blinked, startled at herself. She didn't think she'd ever actually told anyone that, none of them did very often, and wasn't quite sure why she'd blurted it out to the pilot. "Don't start guessing who is who, or I'll have to shoot you. Especially if you do it in front of either of the other commanders, as then they might shoot me, too."

"Babe, you're obviously 'Fire.'"

Ella closed her eyes briefly and sighed. She so wanted to laugh, but that might be considered encouraging. She settled her most serious glare upon her face as she opened her eyes. "Call me 'babe' again, and I'm going to have to find someone else to fly your baby."

"Shit, Commander, joking." He held his hands up slightly in mock surrender. "Got it right, though, didn't I?"

"Not telling." She leaned back on her heels, crossing her arms across her chest. "By the way, Flight Lieutenant, I never got my orders prior to shipping aboard. Which I'm sure you could figure out based on our method of arrival. I could really use a name to go with that rank. Unless your mother knew you were going to be this much of a smart-ass when you were born?"

"Alliance Staff Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, at your service, ma'am."

"Fuck. Moreau? I should've recognized your call sign. You're the one who bounced a cruiser off atmo on a high-grav planet to scare away some raiders, aren't you?"

"How'd you … " Ella had to cough to avoid a chuckle as he trailed off. Even though this was only their first proper conversation, she was pretty sure people didn't make the pilot speechless very often. Not that it took him long to recover. "Captain got that deleted from the official records. Said he didn't want any other pilot trying it. Ever."

"The N's tell stories of the crazies. The successful ones for inspiration, and the failed ones as cautionary tales. I think your maneuver ended up on both lists. In certain circles, Joker, you're as famous as I am." She finally let the grin out from behind her officer face. "Nice to meet you, fellow lunatic. We'll have a proper meeting of the flight crew later, when I've actually gotten to access all the files. I'll let you know."

"Aye, Commander." The pilot smiled wryly at her, before adjusting his hat again and spinning his chair back into position.

And with the exquisite timing displayed by the best of officers, Captain Anderson's deep voice chose that moment to come pouring out of the pilot's communications channel. "Joker?"

"Yes, sir?" The pilot had a professional voice after all. Who knew.  _Should I be worried he hasn't once used it on me?_

"Get us off this station."

"Aye, Captain." Ella could hear Joker's grin as his hands started to dance across his controls, and she felt the slightest of shifts through the heightened sensitivity that was a biotic's nervous system as the ship powered up and prepared to move.

* * *

"Thank you ma'am." Navigator Pressly nodded slightly before exiting the comm room to return to his station. Shepard resisted the urge to chew on her lip, or sigh, or toss her datapad on the ground and stomp on it, but it was a close call. She only had half a flight crew.

_1st Nav: Navigator Colin Pressly_   
_1st Pilot: Staff Lieutenant Jeff Moreau_   
_1st Flight Tech: Operations Chief Katarina Simon_   
_2nd Nav: 1st Lieutenant Cordelia Quinn_   
_2nd Pilot: 1st Lieutenant Peter Naismith_   
_2nd Flight Tech: Gunnery Chief Mark Vorpatril_

How was she supposed to cover 63 shift slots a week with half a dozen people and a Flight Commander who might very well blow the ship up if she covered for a flight tech, and wasn't technically qualified to fly anything larger than a shuttle so probably shouldn't cover for the pilot either? Especially with Chief Vorpatril on quarters for another day, thanks to a case of food-poisoning? She took a deep breath to force herself to think rather than swear.

_Fuck. I'll have to talk to Lex and Meghan, see if that fine Marine wants to keep impersonating a flight tech when he's not groundside. No one really needs shifts off on a shakedown cruise, right? Try and grab some more techs from the rest of the crew, give Quinn a couple pilot shifts in her rotation, cover Nav. myself a couple times a week... guess that's one way to avoid Pressly? Though he didn't give me that 'waiting for the crazy to break out and kill us all' look a lot of officers get when they figure out I'm the Shepard from Torfan. Maybe I'm being too hard on him._

With a final mental scowl, she glanced back at the second entry in her personnel list.

_Staff Lieutenant Moreau, Jeff "Joker". Pilot, primary. SSV Normandy._

And that was it. No profile, no dates, no service history, no commendations or demerits, no data at all.

_Someone was a a little overzealous clearing the dangerous maneuvers._  Slightly amused at some poor clerk's failed attempt to circumvent the semi-mystical powers of the fleet's rumor mill, Shepard decided to head up and attempt another conversation with her pilot. They were currently sitting in line for their assigned time at the Arcturus relay, so it wasn't like Joker had much to do at the moment.

As expected, the cockpit was quiet. The tech seat was empty, which Ella decided to pretend didn't annoy her. Besides, gave her a place to sit.

"Joker," she started, tossing her datapad on the console between them. "Got a question about your personnel file for you."

"I can see where this is going," the pilot snarled, "expected better from you, Butcher."

Ella's eyes widened slightly in surprise as he continued without even pausing to notice her reaction.

"I'll tell you what I've told almost every damned CO in my career. You want me as your pilot. I'm not good. I'm not even great. I'm the best damn helmsman in the Alliance fleet. Top of my class? I  _earned_ that. All those commendations in my file? I earned every single one. Those weren't given to me as charity for my disease. Anyone with a reputation like yours should know better than to make snap judgments based on notes in a file, second-guessing the crew just because you're apparently too thick to ... "

Finally getting her feet back under her, and suddenly quite glad they were alone in the cockpit, Shepard lunged out of her chair, grabbing the pilot's seat and turning him sideways so she could lean right into his face, nose to nose, her brown eyes narrowing as she glared into his green ones, his voice suddenly stopping mid-sentence in surprise.

"You ever address a Superior Officer with that lack of respect again, and I will bounce you off atmo without your ship," she hissed quietly, barely strangling back her temper's more violent tendencies. Even though she was managing to be quiet, anyone glancing up to the cockpit was getting enough of a show already. "And if you even attempt to imply that I would dare question Captain Anderson's judgment, or his ability to select the best damn pilot for his ship, I will give you plenty of reasons to learn why they call me Butcher. Are we clear, Lieutenant?"

"Ma'am." Joker's head was pushed back as far into his headrest as it would go in a vain attempt to lean away from his furious Flight Commander. "Yes, ma'am."

"How about we start this conversation over, and you attempt to remember you're a commissioned officer in the Alliance Navy, rather than just some punk with a chip on his shoulder?"

At Joker's slight nod, she stepped back and settled down into the second chair, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him impatiently.

"Sorry, Commander." Joker shifted uncomfortably. "You have no idea what I was just talking about, do you?"

She shook her head slightly, still waiting.

"Aw, crap. Um. Sorry," he attempted again, his eyes squinting with embarrassment. "I, uh, usually get a talking to on every new posting from my commanding officer. Because I have brittle bone disease. Vrolik's sydrome? The bones in my legs never developed properly, they're basically hollow, too much force and they shatter, even with crutches and my leg braces, it's hard to get around, one wrong step and  _ **crack**_." He finally paused in his sing-song litany to take a breath. "It's very dramatic. But I've learned to manage my condition, Commander. Put the  _Normandy_  in my hands, and I'll make her dance for you. Just don't ask me to get up and dance, unless, you know, you like the sound of snapping shin-bones."

"Special accommodations?"

"Regularly scheduled check-ups in med-bay, modified low impact PT requirements, and a nice fancy chair with a foot-rest and extra cushions. Plus a hook for my crutches. Ma'am."

Shepard nodded slightly. "Just a suggestion, Lieutenant, but if you're tired of everyone trying to throw you a pity party based on your file? Try not to make similarly half-assed assumptions about your officers. The next one might not resist the urge to break his jack-ass pilot into little pieces. Which, from the sounds of it, shouldn't be hard, even for one of your typical soft Navy space-nerds."

Joker shrugged slightly in relieved agreement, a small smile hovering around his mouth in reaction to her verbal jab. "Yes, Commander. Is that all, then?"

"Oh, not even close. Step one, and the reason I came up here in the first place." She gestured at the datapad. "Some admin whitewashed your entire file. I need your personal copy for myself and the command staff to use until we can chat with someone in Central to straighten it out. I assume you have a personal back-up handy, being an experienced officer?"

At the pilot's nod, she continued her list. "Step two: you get to try and train myself and Lieutenant Quinn, plus any qualified marines I can track down, as emergency back up pilots, for obvious reasons." She gestured slightly, encompassing the quiet ship and its skeleton crew.

Joker's second nod was slower, as if he could sense the shoe about to slam into his head.

"Step three: starting tomorrow, you are on probation for insubordination. This means that, except for the aforementioned training shifts, you don't get to fly the  _Normandy_. And you  _will_  hand your baby over to us without a fuss." She watched the pilot's eyes widen in apparent distress, but he kept his mouth shut. "Step four: you will come with me to visit Captain Anderson at the end of your shift, at which time you get to tell him, in person, why I put you on probation." Shepard paused in thought a moment, considering the pale Flight Lieutenant in the chair across from her. At the sound of footsteps approaching, she glanced over to see Lieutenant Alenko heading up the CIC. "And step five can wait, until I see how you handle one through four, and we don't have an audience." Standing up, she nodded at the handsome dark-haired Marine. "Nice to see you again, Lieutenant. Are you still impersonating a flight tech for us?"

Alenko nodded shortly before glancing back and forth between the two flight officers, one eyebrow lifting in curiosity. "Am I interrupting something, ma'am?"

"Not at all, Lieutenant." Shepard picked up her 'pad and took two steps to the side, clearing the path to the second seat. "Thank you for your assistance." Shooting a warning glare at the pilot, Shepard headed back down the CIC in search of her fellow Lieutenant Commanders so she could raid their personnel files for some more flight-crew coverage.

"Way to go, Joker," she heard the Marine Lieutenant's amused voice behind her. "Must you always go out of the way to annoy your officers?"

"Shut up, Alenko."

 

* * *

 

_**A/N:**  Special thanks to Lois McMaster Bujold's Vorkosigan saga for the slightly mixed up flight crew._


	5. Scuttlebutt

"This would be much easier to explain if you would just let me speak directly with Captain Anderson," said Adams, the head of the Normandy's engineering section. Directly behind him was the Tantalus drive of the Normandy, glowing brightly. On any other vessel, Alexis would have requested to have this conversation out in the hall. However, most drive cores were rather noisy. Not the _Normandy_ though. There was nothing but a low hum in the room and behind her teeth to indicate that anything was running.

"Just put whatever you need Anderson to know in your report, and I'll make sure he gets it," she told him, trying to ignore the tickling sensation from the mass effect field of the drive core.

Adams frowned. "And what about the staffing issues that I'm having right now?"

Alexis repressed a sigh. Since her arrival, she had felt more and more unprepared for this posting. She had yet to acquaint herself with the personnel roster, not to mention she had barely had time to familiarize herself with the layout of the ship. Things the XO needed to be on top of at all times. "This is just a shakedown cruise. We are more than sufficiently staffed to handle our current mission."

"With all due respect, ma'am, this is a small warship by Alliance standards. There's not a lot of space left for additional techs once we are fully staffed."

"So, even if you got more personnel, you have nowhere to put them. Your concerns are duly noted, Mister Adams. I will bring them to the captain's attention."

Adams still looked no happier, "Thank you, ma'am."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to be on my way. If there is anything else you need addressed, please add it to your report." She caught the brief look of resignation that crossed the engineer's face as he nodded curtly to her, just before she turned and left the engineering bay. As much as she would have preferred to have a long discussion with each of the respective section heads, the abrupt notice of her appointment to this posting had made it difficult to allot the necessary time. Too bad she couldn't tell the Admiral what she thought of his brilliant orders and the timing thereof.

Alexis quickly made her way back to the elevator that connected Engineering and the cargo bay to the rest of the ship. She still needed to get the assessment from the CMO and both the other Shepards, but she knew it would be pointless to go ask for either of them to report yet. They had barely had time to sink their feet into their respective duties. She felt a general uneasiness settle into her stomach as she stepped into the elevator. Maybe she could stop by the mess really fast for something to eat since she only had one other stop she could make before going to talk to The Old Man.

The elevator glided to a stop, and she made her way to the mess.  _The one good thing about showing yourself around is that there is no one to see you get lost._ She headed past the tables where a few people mingled about over their own plates, walking over to the prepping area for food.

_Ah, hell_. Sitting on the counter was one of those new food processors that the Alliance was trying to make standard on all ships. She did not have the time to fuss with tech. Frowning a bit, she started rummaging through the cupboards for anything already made and wrapped. There had to be something on stock given the number of biotics aboard.   _Unless someone conveniently forgot all about us and our dietary needs._

As she searched for food, the conversation from the nearest table drifted over.

"I hear our new LtC's are a bunch of hotties! Showed up on the bridge putting an asari to shame!"

One of the voices laughed before replying, "I hear our Marine CO kicked the crap out of a bunch of Eclipse, though. Wouldn't want to mess with her!" There was a pause, followed by some audible gulping as one of them must have been shovelling food down his throat. "I hear our CO was on Akuze."

The first voice spoke back up, "Shit. She's going to get our asses killed." Alexis's hand froze on a box of power bars that she had managed to find.

"And the Butcher's the flight commander," the second voice added. She snatched a bar from the box and slammed the cabinet shut, making a mental note of where to find said bars again.

Now that she was no longer on the hunt for food, she was able to glance over at the table from which the conversation had drifted. There were two men seated there, gossiping over their lunch. Most likely marines given their builds. The nearest one was a fair-haired man with his back to the prep area. Across from him sat a dark-skinned bald man, who was not attempting to hide the look of disgust on his face. The dark-skinned man shoved his plate away, "They're all biotics, aren't they?"

"That's what I've heard."

"You know our 2iC is a fucking biotic, too, right?" She leaned back against a counter in the prep area, with an eyebrow raised as she continued to listen to the conversation. Gossip was a nasty thing normally, but this would give her the opportunity to see the kind of men she had serving on this ship.

The fair-haired man shrugged, continuing to shovel away at the plate of food in front of him. "So?"

"Biotics are crazy, man! They're likely to go bigglety cooped up on a ship!"  _Fucking hell. This genius is a gossip_ _ **and**_ _a bigot._  A surge of dark energy ran up her spine, and an idle thought of showing the kid exactly what he feared teased her mind. But The Old Man would definitely not approve of using biotics to teach object lessons. Alexis had heard enough though. It was time to remind the privates of their boundaries.

"Oh, I almost forgot, the XO's the Hero of Elysium," she heard the fair-haired man say as she headed over towards their table.

The bald man rubbed his face. "Aw, hell, the war hero? I heard she's tough as nails. Goddamn, it's going to be long cruise."

"It's about to get a lot longer," she said simply as she stopped at their table.

The sound of silverware loudly clattering against a plate could be heard, as the fair-haired man dropped his fork and jumped to his feet. The other man was visibly paler under his dusky complexion and got to his feet much slower. She looked from one to the other, an eyebrow still raised, and an expectant look on her face.

The fair-haired man swallowed, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. "Pr-private John Fredricks, ma'am."

She gave Fredricks a slight nod and turned her attention to the other man. He puffed out his chest a bit, a smug look on his face. "Private First Class Prescott "Scotty" Tremaine."

_Scotty?_  She held back the smirk that she felt wanted to display itself. She would have to do her best not to hold that name against him. "You boys do realize that this is a very small ship, correct?"

"M-ma'am, y-yes, ma'am," Fredricks stammered.

"And in such small spaces, there is no tolerance for the kind of discussion I just overheard," she said pointedly.

"Man, we were just talking over lunch." Tremaine snapped defiantly. "Er, ma'am," he added at Alexis' cold glare.

Another surge of dark energy flickered through her, but she again chose to ignore it. Instead, she crossed her arms under her breasts, powerbar still in hand, and continued to give Tremaine her best withering look. "I don't know what kind of commanders you served under before, Private, but on this vessel, you will not speak to any of your superior officers with that tone." She looked between the two Privates. "And let me repeat myself one more time. There will be no tolerance of any kind for the slanderous and bigoted scuttlebutt I just overheard. If I ever overhear anything of the sort - from either of you - I will see to it that your tour on this ship is short and hellish."

Fredricks flushed several shades of red and remained quiet while Tremaine glared hatefully at her. But he seemed to be learning as he kept his mouth shut. "Captain Anderson likes his ship to be spotless. At all times. And it's my understanding, that we're running slim on staff in most areas. Therefore, both of you will be reporting for scrub duty in addition to your regular assignments for the next two weeks. And everything had better polish and shine during those two weeks."

"Now, Crewman, don't you have somewhere else to be?" she asked. Taking the cue, the two men quickly gathered their plates from the table and fled from her presence.

"Interesting way to handle the situation, Commander," the turian Spectre Nihlus said as he approached the table. "Are you certain it was the best way?"

_Fuck._ She had not noticed when he had entered the mess at all, but she did her best to not let that show. "And what would you suggest as a better way?"

"They were merely exchanging words. There was no one hurt, and it did not appear to be impeding their abilities to perform their duties."

"We don't abide by gossip on our vessels. It's like a disease that spreads, and it ultimately undermines the chain of command and morale." she informed him.

"Interesting," he simply stated.

"Is there anything else you needed? I should be on my way to speak with the Captain."

"Actually," Nihlus started, "that is why I am here. Your Captain asked me to find you. He would like to speak with you and the rest of the command staff, suited up, in the Comm Room."

She nodded to the turian. "Thank you for the message then."

"I believe I saw the other yellow haired one heading to the cargo elevator," he advised as Alexis started to leave in search of the other Shepards.  _Thank God that powerbars can be eaten on the go._

* * *

A short while later, in the locker room, Meghan Shepard stood wrestling herself into the tight black body suit that went under her armor. Ella Shepard was settling the top of her own body suit, while Alexis Shepard had finished with hers and was beginning the hookups for her armor.

"I suppose you want to know who you're going out with?" Meghan asked, then grunted in frustration at getting the leggings twisted.

"Be handy knowing who to shout at, yeah," Ella said, ruthlessly yanking the arms and legs of her bodysuit straight and flat, to avoid wrinkles under her armor.

"Not to mention that I haven't had a chance to look at anything other than pre-launch reports. My mother could be aboard, and I wouldn't know it," Alexis added. "But before we discuss the assignments, you should know that I had to take two of your marines to task earlier. For gossiping like fucking little old ladies."

"About what? Anything good?" Meghan asked, still wrestling with untwisting herself.

"Hardly. Mostly about us. And the fact that we're all biotics. Tremaine is lucky one of you didn't overhear his comments," she said, withholding the slight the Private made about Akuze. That would certainly make things ten times worse.

"What was their sentence?"

"Two weeks. Scrub duty."

"That's all? What, they left out the, 'eating babies,' part?"

Alexis shrugged slightly. "It was mainly to remind them of their place. Besides, the troublemaker was Tremaine. Fredricks just chose to have lunch with the wrong colleague."

"Ah, Tremaine. I can tell he's going to be a pain in my ass already."

"You've got one of those too?" Ella interrupted. "The pilot decided to attempt to insult my intelligence and loyalty to our CO in one snarly sentence. Fucking idiot."

"And you left him in one piece?" Alexis asked, sounding a bit amazed.

"Told him he couldn't fly his baby except when he was on a training shift. Nastiest thing I could think of for a flyboy," she smirked.

"You clipped your pilot's wings? Damn. Lovely first day. We show up dressed like hookers and have to play dominatrixes to our boys." Meghan sighed, "All right. Alexis, you're getting my LT, the man with the nice ass." Meghan looked pointedly at Alexis at the word, "man." "Please don't get it shot off. And he's decided our greenest corporal is his personal pet project, so you're taking Richard Jenkins with you."

She finally got the bodysuit up over her hips and was shrugging into the tight top as she turned to look at Ella, "I'm sending you our tech witch. Shannon Foraker is apparently a hell of an engineer, but not much for conversation." Meghan grunted once more as she finally got the suit on over her shoulders. "And you're also getting Private John Fredricks, Alliance poster boy, despite his apparently shady acquaintences. Any questions?"

"Thank god someone's good with tech, as I doubt the poster boy does more than shoot. And we all know I can barely set-up my 'tool."

"And you're the math geek," Meghan interjected.

"Theory makes sense, Meghan. Once you start putting all my lovely numbers into hardware, they do weird things, for which I am not remotely responsible." Sniffing in amused annoyance, Ella returned to the subject at hand. "Get a chance to find out if my tech witch has any combat experience, or should I have the Private baby-sit?"

"Alenko thinks she's easily distracted by new tech, so yeah, the Private may need to babysit. However, she's a Corporal and that does require you to know which end of the gun to point at the bad guys," Meghan replied while pulling on the lower half of the outer armor. It went on quite a bit easier than the body stocking had. She looked back at Alexis, "And as for my LT-"

Alexis finished fastening the rest of the hookups to her suit as she interrupted, "Hopefully,  _your LT_  can pack a punch with his biotics if need be, and I won't have to worry about whether his ass is getting shot off."

"Hey,  _my LT_  will hold his own. He's a stable L-2 and hand-picked by The Old Man," Meghan grinned, waiting for her friends' reactions.

"Shit, really?" Ella paused in surprise, glancing at Meghan to make sure she wasn't planning some elaborate con. "Didn't know there were any of those left. Wonder how high he spikes?"

"From the buzzing I felt in my teeth having lunch with him, he's a powerhouse." Meghan grinned at Ella, knowing she'd get the innuendo.

Alexis smirked slightly as she donned the rest of her armor, securing the pieces as she went. "Frankly, I don't care one way or the other. He just better be able to keep up with me."

"Hah!" Meghan as she slid on her weapon harness and buckled it, "He'll save your ass, just wait." Meghan put her hands on her armored hips, "Seriously, Shepard, he's our only biotic outside the three of us. Don't wrap him in cotton, but try not to risk him too much, ok?"

Alexis rolled her eyes and grabbed her own weapons. "Shepard, when was the last time that I let anyone take any kind of risk that I didn't run off to do myself first?"

"Point taken. But still. No bullets in that sweet rear end, ok?"

Ella snorted. "Dirty old women. Both of you." She grinned, pretending innocence. "Poor man would probably be mortified if he knew how we talk about him after three hours' acquaintance."

Alexis laughed. "Oh please, like those guys are any better. I can only imagine the talk on that bridge after we left to meet with Anderson."

"Oooh. There's a thought. Wonder what Meg's LT looks like in civvies," Ella mused with a wistful note to her voice.

Meghan closed her eyes as if picturing it, "Forget civvies. . . . Unless they're on the floor." Her full lips stretched into a wide grin.

Alexis shook her head. "Why don't you just go stalk the poor man outside his locker to catch a glimpse while he's changing?"

"That would be unprofessional." Ella nodded as she adjusted her final piece of armor. "Besides, might get caught. Are we ready, then?"

Meghan sighed dramatically. "You have no sense of humor, Shepard," she told Alexis. "I'm not actually imagining my LT naked, stretched out on a bearskin rug in front of a cozy fire while a snow storm roars outside, firelight playing over those standard issue muscles." She grinned again as the suddenly distant expressions crossing Ella's and Alexis' features showed they'd both momentarily succumbed to the vivid image. "My work here is done." She pulled on her gloves, "Yeah, let's roll."

Alexis did her best to shake off the mental image that Meg had given her. "I hate you some days. You know that, right?" She grinned at the other blonde. "Let's get this over with."

Ella snickered quietly as she led the way out of the locker room. "I kinda enjoy Meg's imagination, myself."

As Meghan passed Alexis, she leaned in and stage-whispered, "You know you're gonna be watching his ass the whole mission, now, right? And you could never hate me, you adore me. I make your life interesting."

"I'd call it crazy rather than interesting." Alexis slammed her locker shut and followed the other women. "Now let's hurry on to see what the captain and the turian want so I can get to watching this ass for you."

"Aye, aye, ma'am!" Meghan replied. "And Alexis?"

"Yes?"

"Enjoy the scenery. I hear Eden Prime's gorgeous this time of year." Meghan's mischievous smile let Alexis know she wasn't talking about the trees.

"Get the hell out of here, marine," Alexis said, doing her best to not laugh, but failing miserably at it.

* * *

"You wanted to see us, sir?" Alexis Shepard's voice trailed off uncomfortably as she realized she was greeting their turian 'guest' rather than Captain Anderson. The Old Man wasn't even in the comm room at all, despite his request to have his command staff suit up and report to him there with all possible speed. She could feel Meghan's scowl behind her, and could only hope it wasn't as obvious to anyone who didn't know her well. Not that Ella's sudden stillness was much better.

"Commanders, I was hoping you'd get here first. It will give us a chance to talk."

"What about?" Meghan said, barely hidden hostility in her voice.

The turian regarded her silently then began to pace. Alexis shifted her weight, wondering if she'd have to diffuse yet another situation caused by Meghan's lack of respect for authority. "I'm interested in this world we're going to - Eden Prime. I've heard it's quite beautiful."

"We're Marines. Not tourists on vacation." Alexis resisted the urge to sigh at Meghan's continued hostility.

"It's more than just a tourist destination, isn't it, Shepard? Eden Prime is a symbol of your people, a perfect little world on the edges of your territory." The turian stopped pacing and looked from one to the other of them. Even Alexis was beginning to get irritated and wondered when the alien would get to the point. "Proof that not only can humanity establish colonies across the galaxy, but also protect them. But how safe is it, really?"

Ella's voice answered, even more hostile than Meghan's, "Are you trying to scare us,  _Spectre_?"

The turian turned to look at the view screen showing a peaceful scene from the colony. "Your people are still newcomers, Commanders. The galaxy can be a very dangerous place." He turned to look back at them, "Is the Alliance truly ready for this?"

Alexis narrowed her eyes, "No plan survives first contact with the enemy, Spectre." As she spoke, she heard boots on the deckplates behind them that signaled The Old Man's entrance to the Comm Room.

"I think it's about time we told the Commanders what's really going on," Anderson came to a stop in front of the Commanders as they all turned to keep both him and Nihlus in view.

Nihlus looked at each of them before replying, "This mission is far more than a shakedown run."

Ella failed to repress a slight snort of derision. "That's fucking obvious."

Anderson speared Ella with a glare and told her, "We're making a covert pick up on Eden Prime. That's why we needed the stealth systems operational."

Meghan echoed Ella's snort, but Alexis replied, "We don't like being kept in the dark, Captain."

Anderson's voice betrayed his impatience with his subordinates, "This comes down from the top, Commanders. Information strictly on a need to know basis."

Meghan crossed her arms and muttered, sotto voce to the point where Alexis wasn't even sure she'd heard her, "What, we 'didn't need to know?' We're the bloody command staff!"

Anderson either didn't hear her or had long since mastered the useful command art of selective hearing. "A research team on Eden Prime unearthed some kind of beacon during an excavation. It was Prothean."

Meghan inhaled sharply, and Alexis caught Ella joining her in shooting a quick glance in Meghan's direction. Meghan hadn't had much chance to put her xenosociology major to use after graduation, but she probably knew more theories about Prothean history and technology then everyone else in the room combined. She was fairly vibrating with curiosity, but Ella interjected before Meghan had a chance to speak up. "I thought the Protheans pulled their disappearing act 50,000 years ago."

The turian responded first. "Their legacy still remains. The mass relays, the Citadel, our ship drives - it's all based on Prothean technology."

"This is big, Shepard. The last time humanity made a discovery like this, it jumped our technology forward two hundred years," Anderson informed them, but looking at Ella. Alexis watched a giant smile spread across Meghan's face. "But Eden Prime doesn't have the facilities to handle something like this. We need to bring the beacon back to the Citadel for proper study."

"Obviously," the turian continued when Anderson left off, "this goes beyond mere human interests, Commanders. This discovery could effect every species in Council space."

Alexis held up a hand to keep Meghan from saying anything, and asked, "Are we expecting trouble?"

"I'm always expecting trouble," the Spectre responded cryptically.

"There's more, Commanders," Anderson sounded resigned, Alexis was surprised to hear. "Nihlus isn't just here for the beacon. He's also here to evaluate you. All of you." The Old Man looked at each of them significantly.

"Guess that explains why I bump into him every time I turn around," Meghan drawled, crossing her arms and leaning back on one leg.

Anderson quelled her with another glare and replied, "The Alliance has been pushing for this for a long time. Humanity wants a larger role in shaping interstellar policy. We want more say with the Citadel Council. The Spectres represent the Council's power and authority. If they accept a human into their ranks, it shows how far the Alliance has come."

Nihlus nodded, an odd gesture on an alien, "I was impressed with the reports from Elysium, Akuze and Torfan. A grim business in each case, but you each got the job done and survived. That's why I put each of your names forward as a candidate for the Spectres."

Before Alexis could stop her, Meghan demanded, "Why would a turian want a human, much less three of them, in the Spectres?"

"Not all turians resent humanity. Some of us see the potential of your species. We see what you have to offer the rest of the galaxy. . . and to the Spectres. We are an elite group. It's rare to find an individual, much less three of them, with the skills we seek. I don't care that you're human, Commanders. I only care that you can do the job."

Ella shrugged, unable to keep the smile off her face, though. Alexis couldn't really blame her, she felt the surge of excitement, too. "Just tell us what we have to do."

"I need to see your skills for myself, Commanders. Eden Prime will be the first of several missions together." Meghan's eyebrows went up at that.

Much to Alexis' relief, Anderson spoke up before she could comment, "You'll each be in charge of a ground team. Secure the beacon and get it onto the ship, ASAP. Nihlus will accompany you to observe the mission."

"I'd like to know more about Eden Prime before we touch down," Alexis asked.

Anderson cleared his throat, "It's a peaceful farming world, but it represents something much bigger. Eden Prime is one of our oldest and most successful colonies. It proved we were ready to face the challenges of settling new worlds, to forge a place for humanity beyond Earth. It symbolizes humanity's growth and evolution as a spacefaring species. And after this, it will be known as the world where humans made a discovery of galactic importance."

Ella crossed her arms, "I'd still like to know why a single beacon is so important, then. It's hardly on the same scale as the Citadel, or a new mass relay, or even the Mars ruins." Alexis caught Meghan's carefully blank expression and knew the other woman had bitten her tongue on something sarcastic. Ella ignored her, apparently annoyed at having to deal with, "old dead shit," as she'd referred to every required history class back at the Academy.

Nihlus' cheekplates flared and his eyebrow ridges went up, "All advanced galactic civilization is based on Prothean techology. Even yours."

Anderson nodded, "If we hadn't discovered those Prothean ruins buried on Mars, we'd still be stuck on Earth. That was just a small data cache. Who knows what we can learn from this beacon? What if it's a weapons archive? We can't let it fall into the wrong hands."

"Like who?" Alexis asked before Meghan could say anything.

Anderson glanced at Meghan, as if wondering why the volatile blonde hadn't yet spoken up, then regarded Alexis steadily, "The Attican Traverse isn't the most stable sector of Citadel space. There are plenty of raiders and criminal groups active in the region. They might figure a Prothean beacon is worth attacking an Alliance ship. Plus, Eden Prime is right on the border of the Terminus Systems."

Meghan snorted, "The Attican Traverse is under Citadel protection. If the Terminus Systems attack, it's an act of war."

Nihlus glanced at her, "Technically, yes. But some of the species in the Terminus might be willing to start a war over this."

Alexis found herself nodding and Anderson caught her gaze and said, "The last thing the Council wants is to get dragged into a major conflict with the Terminus Systems. We have to keep this low-key."

"Just give us the word, Captain," Alexis told him.

Anderson nodded, "We should be getting close to Eden -"

Joker's voice sounded over the comm system, "Captain, we've got a problem!"

Anderson turned to look at the speaker in the ceiling out of habit, "What's wrong, Joker?"

The pilot's voice sounded strained, "Transmission from Eden Prime, sir. You'd better see this!"

"Bring it up on screen," Anderson ordered, sounding resigned. The five of them moved to look at the view screen, Nihlus standing slightly behind Anderson and Alexis, Meghan and Ella arrayed behind them both, but all with a clear view of the screen.

Alexis stared at the screen as the grainy image resolved itself into a battle scene. A female marine in white armor with pink accents ran toward the camera of the communications unit and ordered the operator to, "Get down!" A great deal of shaky camera panning, several explosions, and a blurry landscape flickered by before the camera finally settled down again. Meghan's breath hissed through her teeth, Ella swore softly and Alexis snuck a glance at Anderson's face to find that it had gone completely blank.

Alexis' attention jumped quickly back to the screen, hating to listen to marines die when she was still too far out to do anything. But what showed up next was possibly even worse, as she had never seen anything like the monstrously huge dreadnought of alien design breaking through the atmosphere. If she had to try and classify it, she'd be forced to say that it resembled some sort of Earth crustacean, its appendages poised to land.

The transmission cut off abruptly, and Anderson ordered the pilot to rewind and freeze the image at the best shot of the alien ship.  _Someone, or something, wanted that beacon. Enough to want a war with Council space_ , Alexis thought as she listened to the dire news continue. All contact lost with Eden Prime. Seventeen minutes out. No allies in the area. No intel beyond an impossible picture. A Spectre who, no matter how competent, was completely untrained in Alliance protocols, and yet was nominally going to be in charge on the ground simply due to his Council-approved status. Three small strike teams made up of marines that hadn't even all met each other, much less had any proper training together. The Old Man was a master of understatement. Things hadn't just gotten more complicated. They were fucked.

Nihlus interrupted Alexis' thoughts. "Small strike teams can move quickly without drawing attention. It's our best chance to secure the beacon." The turian turned and left.

Anderson turned to the Spectre. "Grab your gear and meet us in the cargo hold." The turian nodded, then turned and left. Alexis was suddenly glad Meghan had already divided her marines up into their assigned fire teams as Anderson told the Marine OIC, "Tell Alenko and the rest of the Marines to suit up, Commander. You're all going in."


	6. Deployment

The  _Normandy_ roared as it raced away from drop site two on its way to the next one. Or at least it should have roared. It was still a bit unnerving for a ship to be planet-side and still barely be louder than the echoing gunfire in the distance. At least that meant that the billions of dollars that had gone into the development of the stealth ship had been well spent. Of course, stealth did not mean invisible, and Alexis pulled the assault rifle from her back as she stepped cautiously forward – not knowing if whoever was attacking Eden Prime had seen the ship.

Behind her came the expectant noise of weapons being drawn as the two marines accompanying her followed her silent lead. The rookie that Meghan told her about - Corporal Jenkins - had been a jitter of nerves prior to the drop off, clamoring excitedly when he watched the Spectre Nihlus head out at the first drop site. Even now, he was almost rambling about the colony he once called home. Lieutenant Alenko, on the other hand, was a model of cool reserve, only speaking to ask about survivors prior to the drop. Hopefully, the professionalism that exuded from the lieutenant would rub off a bit on the younger man.

Of course, when she and her fellow commanders had gotten to the cargo bay minutes earlier, professionalism was the last thing on her mind as Alenko had been in the process of checking the seals on his body armor. There had been quite a bit of bending and stretching, and the standard issue Alliance armor left little to the imagination, conforming to the body like a second skin, outlining the lieutenant's efforts in bodybuilding. She had quickly averted her eyes to keep from letting them linger on him as he moved, as it had immediately brought back Meghan's devious image of the lieutenant and a bear skin rug. It didn't help that she caught Meghan watching her, those eerie green eyes narrowed in silent laughter. The other woman helped to remind herself that commanders do not stare at – or think about – their subordinates in such inappropriate ways. But god, he really had a nice ass.

And as she quickly learned, he also had very good, attentive hands. A detail she did not need floating around in her head to distract her, but the lieutenant had been determined to double check the seals to her own armor. So, unless she wanted to drum up an issue between her and Alenko before even being dropped off, she had no choice but to silently endure the man's inspection, which involved hands roaming over her armor, the heat of which she could feel even through the bullet proof plating. It was all very professional, she had to remind herself again, as an older man was performing the very same task on Meghan at the moment. Meghan caught her eye and winked. Alexis felt her blood pressure skyrocket as she restrained herself from jumping over the lieutenant to strangle her friend.

"Commander?"

The sound of Alenko's voice snapped her attention back to the man in front of her. "What was that, lieutenant?" she asked, praying that she sounded alert despite any personal evidence to the contrary.  _I'm going to make Meghan pay for this._

"Everything tight, ma'am?"

She blinked. "Uhm, excuse me?"

"Your seals? Are they reading that they're tight?" he clarified to her.

_Scratch the payback. I'm going to fucking murder her ._ "They're fine," she said quickly as she took a step away from the lieutenant, feeling a flush of heat touching her cheeks.

Ok, so maybe Ella was not the only one amongst them who was a tad sexually frustrated these days. Alexis really did not need Meghan's help to exacerbate the situation. Hopefully a merry romp in combat would bleed off some of this energy. That thought brought her mind crashing back down to Eden Prime and the two marines that she was leading.

She continued moving through the small clearing that they were dropped off in, scanning the perimeter for any sign of movement – of either survivors or attackers. Instead, there were just "gasbags" as the rookie Jenkins called them, floating along the fields. Hell, one could almost use them as targeting practice.

"Oh god, what happened here?" Jenkins called from behind her, his voice trembling.

* * *

LtC Ella Shepard missed the feel of the  _Normandy_ 's drive core. Not that she'd been around it for very long, but as soon as the ship had powered up to depart Arcturus, the field had become an oddly comforting hum behind her ears. In the twelve years since her implant surgery, Shepard had mostly gotten used to ignoring the constant awareness of gravity fields hovering around the edges of her brain, in some odd sixth angle separate from her other five senses, (The closest thing she'd ever managed to compare it to, for the rare non-biotic who managed to ask, was recovering from a dive into deep water, trying to feel your way back to the surface.) Every once in a while, though, something broke through to the front of her perceptions. And the  _Normandy_  was one of those things.

It had been strange, when they'd first dropped onto Eden Prime, feeling the ship so close in atmosphere, such power just hovering above her and her ground team, barely above the gravity well that was the planet's mass beneath her. But now the  _Normandy's_  absence was even stranger, and Shepard was constantly fighting a distracting urge to turn around and scan the sky, trying to find the missing ship with her eyes after her biotics lost the sense of the ship's field.

But scanning the sky for the ship was just a handy excuse for her inability to stop trying to keep an eye on the entire horizon at once. Eden Prime was so fucking open, fields and farms, just like Mindoir. Smelled like Mindoir too. Ozone, smoke, burnt bodies, burnt crops. Oddly, it was that last one that was giving her the most trouble. Dead bodies happened when you were sent back and forth across the Traverse to wipe out pirates. Said pirates were usually in space ships or stations, bases on moons and asteroids, or even attempting to hide in plain sight in ports and cities. They didn't tend to farm.

Not that she should be worrying about the fucking cornfields.  _Wheat fields?_  Hard to tell when all that was left was scorched earth and rubble. Few leafy survivors hiding by the rocks.  _Dear Mama: On a farm again today. Been awhile. Surprised to discover I can't tell the difference between corn or wheat sprouts anymore. They all just look green and weedy. Isn't it odd, what the brain forgets? Gotta get back to looking for things to shoot. Bye now. Love you._  Someday, some psych eval was gonna pick up on the fact that she kept writing letters to her mother in her head at the oddest times, and take away her guns. Hopefully not anytime soon, though.

Shepard slid her hands across her Kessler again, taking comfort in the weight and feel of a familiar weapon, ready for action.  _Whenever said action actually happens._ Standing in one spot was not helping the itchy feeling crawling up and down her neck. But Corporal Foraker had picked up an enemy radio signal, and thought she could figure out a way to do something to their own comm system so they could break radio silence if needed without giving away their position.  _Modulating frequencies? Something._  It had sounded impressive, at least, so there they were, Foraker down in cover playing with her 'tool, while Fredricks and Shepard kept watch.  _Worst part of combat, all the waiting. Well, no, that's a big fat lie. Worst part of combat is the dying, but waiting is a surprisingly close second._  She was going to be royally fucking screwed if she ever got promoted past Commander and was supposed to lead from the bunker.  _Waiting to see how orders fall out without being on the ground to do anything about them? Sounds suspiciously like Shepard-hell._  Had obviously been  _someone else's_  personal hell as well, but she avoided following that train of thought with the ease of five years' practice.

"Ready Commander." Foraker's soft contralto finally spoke up. "Did you want me to send a test message to the other teams?"

"Yeah. Contact the Spectre, Alpha, and Charlie. Let them know how to set it up on their end so they're prepared too. Then we move."

* * *

Ignoring the shift behind her ears from the mass effect drive as the  _Normandy_  accelerated away, LtC Meghan Shepard took her first step on the optimistically named Eden Prime. She glanced at her backup, the hot-headed Private Scotty Tremaine, and the cool professional Sergeant McKean. McKean had impressed her from the start and she reminded herself to have Alenko note it in his file. At the thought of Alenko, Meghan grinned to herself. She'd caught Alexis trying not to look at the lieutenant. It hadn't been smart to mess with her friend's mind like that, but it had been fun.

"Let's move out," she barked at her team, drawing her shotgun. It was a new model, with the brand-new "infinite-round clips" recently invented by the Alliance. It's only drawback she could see was a tendency to overheat far too frequently, that and the overly complicated technical interface that was going to take her awhile to get used to. McKean moved up to walk next to her, his assault rifle sweeping the area ahead of them. Like any good sniper, Tremaine walked behind them, keeping to cover, but at a pace that let him stay with his team.

Moving quickly, they entered the outskirts of the colony. Meghan was struck by the absolute silence. Growing up on Earth, she was aware of the background noise a living planet usually produced. Insect life, birds' song, the occasional frog bellow. But this place was eerily soundless. All she could hear was her breath through the filter in her helmet, the crunch of her boots on the grass and gravel of the path and her companions beside her.

Then, there were the bodies. Charred, blackened, the stench of burnt human filtered through her mask. She'd smelled some truly awful things growing up in Houston's slums. Even, occasionally, charred human remains. But never to this extent. And not since Akuze. Bile rose in her throat and she swallowed convulsively. One of the bodies was smaller than the others, crumpled and broken on the steps of one of the pre-fab buildings. Meghan's hand involuntarily went to her abdomen.  _That's how old_...  _NO! Do not think about it!_ She pulled her helmet off and wiped at her eyes, trying not to smear her eyeliner.  _Hicks wanted to retire here_. The thought was brief and fleeting and despite the six years since Akuze, the pain still ripped through her. She closed her eyes for a moment and ignoring the stench, inhaled deeply and counted to ten on the exhale. When she reopened them, Commander Shepard was back in control and Meghan was locked up in a corner of her mind with the pain of loss washing over her.

"Commander, you all right?" McKean asked, quietly. It was his job, after all, to hold her together.

"Yeah, just... bad memories. Nothing that won't be cured by a fifth of whiskey when we get off this god-forsaken rock." She forced herself to grin at the sergeant before shoving her helmet back down on her head, "I'll even buy."

The turian Spectre's voice interrupted any further conversation, "This place got hit hard, Commanders. Hostiles everywhere. Keep your guard up. "

McKean gave her a tight grin that let her know he knew she was full of shit. The Spectre's warning didn't calm either of them. But the mission had to be done. He took point and they swept through the pre-fab houses, looking for survivors or any clue as to what had done this. Shepard also wanted to know where the two marine battalions that had been stationed planetside were.

What had happened to the 212 and the 232?

* * *

Jenkins was potentially going to be a problem. They had yet to see any combat since they had been dropped off on the planet, but the young marine had been panicked since they stumbled upon the first corpse of what they had to assume was a civilian. It had been blackened, charred, and left to rot in the open fields of Eden Prime, and it had been readily apparent to Alexis that it was also the first real experience the corporal had with any of the real horrors of combat. Something he was not adjusting well to. Damn it, she could not afford to have him fall apart on her.

She made one last sweep of the open field they had come across. A narrow path led away from the main field, and despite the lack of any real cover, there was no real way to hide an approach to their current position. It was not the most defensible position, but she had certainly dealt with worse back during the Blitz. Not to mention, she had worked with civilian contract security agents whom had as much technical experience of Jenkins.

"All clear, Commander," Lieutenant Alenko verified for her from off to her left.

She nodded her head slightly, lowering the nose of her assault rifle towards the ground. To her right, she could hear Jenkins nervously fidget as he waited. It was as good a time to try and snap the marine out of his daze and get him to focus. The short stop earlier to setup the communications frequency sent out from Foraker had done nothing to settle the young marine. She had to trust that he would have her six when combat started, and right now, she was not certain he could focus enough to keep himself alive.

With a determined roll of her shoulders, she spun on her heel to face the two marines flanking either side of her, in time to see the lieutenant stepping forward to address the rookie. "Jenkins."

"Yes, sir?"

"Is there a problem?" Alenko asked.

"N-no, sir," Jenkins managed to stammer out, his voice still trembling. He seemed to flush under the quiet stare of the lieutenant and began rambling again. "Well, it's just that… I see these bodies. And I can't help but wonder. I mean, could it be Susan? Or my dad? Or Mrs. Quinley from school?"

"You can't think like that, Corporal," Alenko reminded the other man.

"I know… I know…" Jenkins said with a slight whine. "But it doesn't change the fact that this was my home. These could all be people that I knew, and now they all could be gone. Dead!"

"And more people could end up dead if we don't get out there and do our job, Corporal. You have to calm yourself and stay focused. This is not the time to dwell on things that are out of our control," the lieutenant told him.

"Yes, you're right, sir," Jenkins said after a long pause, some of the jitter having finally left his voice. His posture, which had drooped forward earlier, perked back up, as he appeared to become more alert to the situation.

"Commander Shepard and I need you at your best, Corporal."

Jenkins practically jumped to attention at the comment. "I'm good to go, sir!"

Lieutenant Alenko held up a hand for Jenkins to stand down. "Take a minute and walk it off if you have to." The lieutenant gestured to the open field briefly. Jenkins nodded in acknowledgement, remaining mute for one of the few times she had ever seen, and trudged off through the high grass.

_Sexy and commanding. It really is a damn shame he's one of my marines._  Alexis frowned to herself as that thought crossed her mind, uninvited. This was not the time to be distracted, not after Jenkins just had to be reminded to stay focused.

"Look, I'm sorry if I overstepped my place just then." The lieutenant's deep voice cut through her own thoughts, and she looked to him questioningly.

"Overstepped?" That was a bit odd. Hadn't he just been doing his job?

The lieutenant frowned slightly. "I know some COs prefer to handle these kinds of things themselves..."

She waved the comment off casually with one hand. "It needed to be said. It doesn't matter to me who says it, so long as the kid takes it to heart."

"Huh."

_Was that a grunt or a comment?_  Alexis wondered.  _Hell, he's hard to read_. "Speak your mind, lieutenant."

"It's just you seemed," he paused a moment, "put off. Ma'am."

Alexis shook her head slightly, grateful that the man had not picked up on the real reason for her distraction. "No, I'm just trying to assess what's going on. This whole thing is bothering me." It wasn't a complete lie. She was actually trying to figure out the situation on Eden Prime when her mind wasn't getting distracted by the "scenery".

The lieutenant questioned her silently with his look, an eyebrow noticeably raised behind the visor of his helmet.

She flashed him a brief smile, doing her best to try to be reassuring. "Relax, soldier. I like a man who knows when to take action."  _Fuck. Officer. I like_ officers _who take action. What the hell is wrong with me?_ She was at least able to keep a straight face after the comment. And was eternally thankful neither Ella nor Meghan was there for that slip. She would never hear the end of it otherwise.

Alenko silently regarded her for a moment, still impossible to read. "I'll take that under advisement. Ma'am."

There was something about the way he said "ma'am" just then... that was probably just her imagination.  _Damn, I really need to have a proper marine shore leave._  She cleared her throat and looked back over to Jenkins. "Right, he's had enough time to clear his head. We need to get moving again before something stumbles across our location."

"Aye, aye, ma'am," the lieutenant said before going to round up the rookie. The sooner that they tracked down these beacons, the sooner she could kick Meghan's ass.

* * *

Ella Shepard kept point. Engineers tended to do more good from a distance, and the Private seemed quite happy with his assault rifle, which left her solidly in the lead. Not a bad place to be, especially with a couple of baby-soldiers in tow. Not that they were high-maintenance babies. They'd successfully taken out some flying drones, as they'd been lucky enough to surprise the machines rather than the other way 'round.

The Corporal had calmly overloaded their shields so it would be easier for Shepard to  _throw_ one, smashing it into the second, while Fredricks finished shooting them both down. The tech witch was much more on edge from her inability to recognize the make or style of the drones than from the suddenness of their attack. Fredricks didn't seem particularly nervy either, but they hadn't had any serious combat yet, just the automated scouts. They were no closer to finding the main enemy force. Or survivors. Or the all-important Prothean tech.

Of course, they were heading up a hill, now, which meant there could be just about anything on the other side of the ridge. Holding up her hand, Shepard dropped to the ground. No reason to silhouette herself against the sky for anyone waiting on the other side. Not that she was a big fan of low crawls, but she was even less a fan of getting shot at by people who'd seen her before she could see them. The slightest of audible scuffles behind her suggested her baby marines weren't that fond of low-crawling either, but at least they were both down.

Slowly making her way up the last of the incline, Shepard heard a slight gagging sound from Private Fredricks to her right as the valley hiding between the hills came into view. Not that she blamed him. She'd seen her share of horrible things, been forced to do quite a few of them too, but there was something extra nasty about the bodies below them, stuck on strange metal spikes. They didn't look human, anymore, with vacant eyes and thin blue lines visibly crossing back and forth over and under greyish skin. Unfortunately, it was hideously apparent from the remnants of clothing on the bodies and the tools scattered about on the ground that they used to be colonists.

Hearing a slight shuffle from her left, Shepard stuck out a hand and snagged Corporal Foraker's arm. Her glare was sufficiently questioning to inspire a quiet comment from the engineer. "I need a closer look at those spikes. I have no idea who built them, or how, or what they do."

Shepard heard Fredricks gagging slightly again, distressed that his fellow soldier was more interested in the tech than the bodies. Without loosening her grip on Foraker's arm, Shepard turned her head towards the Private. "Stay here, give us cover. Got it?" The queasy look on Fredricks face faded, and his mouth tightened as he nodded slightly.  _He'll be fine._  Letting go of the other woman, Shepard nodded slightly. "Slow and steady, Corporal. I've got your six."

Following the Corporal as she half-slid down the hillside, Shepard kept an eye on the spikes and the bodies.  _Not that I've got a fucking clue what I'm keeping an eye out for, as I have no idea what those things are capable of, and while I hope it's limited to turning bodies blue, I'm sure as hell not counting on it._ _Murphy hates Shepards, after all._

* * *

Meghan Shepard crouched behind one of the boulders dotting the hillside. McKean was slightly ahead, crouched behind another boulder and Tremaine had disappeared behind a high outcrop. Shepard advanced quietly, gesturing to McKean to stay down. She scanned the path ahead of them, neither her HUD nor her own vision registered any contacts. The southerly breeze carried with it the stench of charred vegetation mingling with the already horrific smell of burnt human and livestock. She waved McKean on again and at a crouched run, he sped by her to the next boulder for cover. Tremaine's voice came over the vox, "We're coming up on some hostiles, Commander. Two o'clock."

"Roger that, crow's nest." McKean signaled that he'd heard the private.

"Moving to a better position, crow's nest out."

Shepard couldn't even hear him move away.  _Damn, that kid is good._ She and McKean advanced again, leapfrogging from cover to cover.

Tremaine's quiet voice over the vox, "Hostiles, five clicks." McKean dropped to his stomach and low crawled to the next boulder, Shepard did the same. "Shit. Ma'am, radar's jammed. Crows nest repeats, radar is jammed. Hostiles, unknown location, unknown number last located at two o'clock, five clicks. I repeat, two o'clock, five clicks!"  _What the hell?_ Shepard swore to herself. It was supposed to be virtually impossible to fudge Alliance radar. Before she could tell him to stand down, McKean advanced, crouched low.

"Stay where you are, Crow's Nest," she ordered and advanced on the sergeant's position. "McKean, stand down till we get a visual."

"Aye, Commander." The Sergeant crouched behind the boulder he'd reached, waiting for Shepard to join him. Just as she reached him, however, a human-sized mechanoid body painted in bright red emerged from the other side of the boulder and loomed over the two crouching marines. The mechanical monster was on them before Shepard had time to recall the mnemonic for  _warp_. McKean brought his weapon to bear but the machine was faster and at close range. McKean's armor never stood a chance. Shepard found herself screaming in rage as the bullets impacted the other marine, shearing right through the shields and armor and making his prone body dance against the ground with each projectile's impact. Shepard threw the biotic field at the thing, one of the strongest she'd ever thrown, and the metal chassis groaned in protest as it twisted, the alloys screaming at the stresses placed up on them. Shepard, still lying prone on her back behind the rock finally got her weapon up and, still screaming, fired her shotgun at the still twisted metal body until the weapon overheated.

The metal thing collapsed and she scrambled over to check McKean. Blood trailed out of the holes in his armor, but the flow was sluggish, no longer being pushed through his veins by his heart. Hopelessly, she felt for his pulse in the narrow gap between his helmet and his armor and felt nothing against her fingertips. His brown eyes stared sightlessly at the smoke-streaked blue sky. Her fingers trembling, she reached up and closed the man's eyes. "Tremaine, tell Alenko and Foraker we've just lost McKean. And that we have geth." That's the only thing it could be. She crawled over to the mechanoid body and tried to see what she could learn. They hadn't been seen beyond the Veil in nearly three hundred years. The quarian studies professor she'd had at the academy had been half convinced they were a myth, cooked up by the quarians to garner sympathy for their gypsy existence. Of course, the guy had been an ignorant ass, even then.

She reached over and stole the geth's assault rifle.  _Mythological, my ass. I just lost a good man to a myth. How the hell am I going to tell his daughter?_

* * *

Alexis slammed her back against the tall rocks that currently served as cover between her and the mechanized drones that had begun firing on her squad. A dozen feet ahead of her lay the body of Corporal Jenkins, who had been moving forward when the ambush sprung. Caught out in the open, he had taken several shots to the center mass, which would have been potentially devastating with conventional weapons. But gauging from how drained her own shields were from the glancing shot she had received, these drones had some kind of advanced weaponry effective against standard shielding.  _Goddamned sons of bitches._

Activating a switch on her combat suit, she felt the gentle thrum of her shields boosting back up to strength. She shot a glance to Alenko, who stood on the other side of an open path behind similar cover, his 'tool visibly lit. His eyes met hers briefly, and she nodded to him silently as she readied her assault rifle.

She ducked out of cover as Alenko opened up against the nearest drone with an overload. She let loose a fast  _throw_  at the same one, seeing it burst apart in a flurry of sparks as she leveled her rifle against the next one. A short round of burst fire later, followed by a  _throw_  from Alenko, and the second drone quickly fell apart too. Both marines fell back behind their cover, and moments later repeated their first tactical strike to destroy the final drone.

As the remnants of the final drone fell apart, Alexis dropped from cover and moved forward, rifle aimed carefully ahead. She crossed the ground to a set of rocks just past Jenkins' body, scanning the horizon for any more of those drones. After a few moments when she was certain that there was no immediate threat, she lowered the nose of her rifle towards the ground and turned to find the lieutenant kneeling beside the body of Jenkins.

"Ripped right through his shields. Never had a chance." His voice was calm and quiet as he reported the status, but Meghan had said that Jenkins had been Alenko's "pet project". Pet projects meant attachment, and that there was a strong chance the lieutenant might be feeling guilty over an uncontrollable situation.

She waited silently for him to stand back up before giving him a steady look. "We'll see he receives a proper service once the mission is complete, but I need you to stay focused." She was not completely without compassion for the situation, but she needed the lieutenant to heed his own advice from earlier.

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

She gave a quick tilt of her head in the direction the drones had been. It was for the best of both of them to focus on the enemy. "Any idea to whom those things belonged?"

"I've never seen anything like them before," Alenko said.

She nodded slightly. "Alright, let's get moving. We'll get to a secure location and radio the others with an update." Pulling her rifle ready once more, Alexis moved forward through the field of rocks.

She kept her eyes focused on the horizon as she moved, which proved to be fortunate as she had not moved more than dozen yards when several more flying drones took to the sky. All were headed directly for their position. She sprinted to cover behind some short rocks ahead and caught the lieutenant doing the same out of the corner of her eye.

Tremaine's voice came over the comm as she landed in cover, atmospheric interference causing the transmission to fuzz out into static periodically, "This is Charlie," the fuzz of static cut in, "We've lost," the transmission fuzzed out briefly, "McKean!" Static interrupted, "are geth per Commander," another burst broke up the transmission. The private's voice continued, "I repeat, Sergeant McKean has been killed," more static interfered, "Use extreme caution!"

_Fuck. Geth? McKean dead?_  Leaning out of cover briefly, Alexis opened up with a rapid fire burst from her assault rifle, towards the nearest drone. The drones turned towards her position and began to return fire, forcing her back into cover behind the rock.

She inched over to the opposite side of the rock, readying a  _throw_. As she stepped out from behind the rock to unleash her biotics, she saw the familiar pop of an overload hit the same drone she had opened fire on. Her  _throw_  connected with the drone, and what pieces remained tumbled to the ground. She dropped back behind cover once more when she felt a sudden rush of biotic energy, more substantial than earlier, fly towards the remaining drones that were spinning about in the air. The resulting impact of energy tore the machines apart.  _That was one hell of a biotic punch..._

"All clear, Commander," Alenko called out from his position.

She waved him on to follow as she stepped out from cover and continued down the path. There was a set of trees up ahead. They should be able to seek some cover for a few moments and contact the other teams. Which, based on Tremaine's transmission, they really needed to touch base with the other teams and make an assessment of the full situation.

As they headed past the last few rocks in the field, Nihlus' voice sounded over the comm, "I've got burned out buildings here, Commanders. A lot of bodies. I'm going to check it out. I'll try to catch up with all of you at the dig site."

* * *

As soon as Ella Shepard and Shannon Foraker approached the creepy-voodoo valley, a semi-mechanical squeal signaled the sudden movement of the spires retracting down into their bases, bringing the now sparking, twitching bodies down to the ground. At which point they stood up and started a shambling shuffle toward the two marines like a scene from an old horror vid brought to life.

"Holy fuck!" Fredricks' voice cracked as he swore over the comm, sounding his age for the first time all day. A clatter of rolling stones followed his exclamation as he shifted in what was probably a perfectly reasonable moment of panic.

"Don't fucking move, Fredricks, we need the cover!" Shepard shouted as she swapped out her pistol and lunged ahead of the engineer, who had frozen in apparent shock. "Study the damn zombies after we're not dead, Foraker!" Shepard finished pulling up her shotgun and fired at the mass of lurching bodies rushing towards them. They mostly fell, though she didn't think she'd done enough damage to keep them down long.  _Zombies. I just shot a bunch of blue-glowing zombies. After seeing a damned giant space lobster on a distress call. Maybe I drank too much last night, and this is all still part of some alcohol-induced hallucination?_

The distant  _crack_  of Fredricks' sniper rifle brought Shepard's wild thoughts back into focus, accompanied as it was by the wonderful sight of a freaky-thing's head exploding. _Fucking hell, "poster boy" is right. Thank you, Meg!_  Shifting her stance, she  _threw_ the next body back against the base of one of the spikes, the crack as it hit audible over the fight.  _And even synthetic zombies stay down if you hit them hard enough. Thank god._

"Shepard!" Turning at Foraker's shout, Shepard saw several zombies approaching from the rear, the tech only barely slowing them down with her pistol. Another head exploded courtesy of the soldier on the ridge, but the things were still getting way too close for comfort. The lead zombie charged and screamed, a horrible sound of high pitched mechanical torment accompanied by a burst of lightning and static exploding outwards.

Even from a few steps back, Shepard felt the power surge shove her hard, her shields overloading with a crackle and her amp shorting out with a very unpleasant buzz through her skull as she slammed into the ground, staring up at a surprisingly pleasant blue sky just barely visible beyond the clouds of smoke.

_Ooh, pretty …_


	7. Search and Rescue

"Corporal? Commander?" Fredricks' voice was high and frantic through her comm, following another  _crack_  from his sniper rifle echoing through the valley. The combination penetrated Ella Shepard's daze and reminded her she wasn't supposed to be taking a nap on the cold hard dirt. With a groan, she staggered to her feet and looked right into the disgusting grey face of another zombie thing. Swinging hard, she clocked it across the jaw with the butt of her shotgun, enjoying the crack and thud as it went down at her feet. Giving it a kick, she felt another explosion behind her. Luckily, it came along with a loud shot from the hillside, rather than more lightning across her brain.

"Thank you, Fredricks," Shepard wheezed out as she turned and shot at the next lurching body. A jolt down her spine caused her to wince in pain, but it was worth it to feel the hum of her amp resyncing with her nervous system.  _Lift_. Shoot.  _Throw._  Shoot. Repeat. Mostly ignore the buzz of Tremaine's voice on the static-filled comm until she wasn't about to get mauled by impossible monsters. She stumbled to a halt as one last  _crack_  from the hillside knocked down the final husk. Wavering for a moment on her feet, Shepard waited for her brain to calm back down to the speed of coherent thought.  _Geth? McKean down? Fuck. And Foraker_.

"Private, warn the other teams about the fucking exploding zombie nightmare things. I'm going to check on the corporal. Stay up there, just in case they're booby-trapped when they're dead. Again."

"Aye, ma'am." The marine's voice was subdued, the whisper followed by a slight click as he switched his comm unit over to match Foraker's security protocol.

Shepard's HUD had shorted out during the electrical attack.  _It's not supposed to do that._  Foraker could've rebooted it.  _Still can reboot it?_  Shepard was desperately hoping the red lines in the corner that ought to signal her squads' condition were as inaccurate for Foraker as they were for Fredricks, but the tech had been much closer to the explosion.

Shepard found it hard not to shudder as she got close enough to the engineer's still form for a closer look. Not only was her armor scorched from the initial overload, there were nasty dents at the joints and across the visor, as if the things had kept hitting her after she was down. Knowing it was probably useless, Shepard unhooked Foraker's glove to check for life-signs. Nothing.  _Fuck_.

Closing her eyes on a sigh as she suppressed the distressingly familiar rage at dead marines, Shepard pulled off Foraker's boot and grabbed her secondary dog-tag. The seam at the top of her armor looked black with electrical damage, and it probably wasn't worth trying to fight the connections. Getting the boot back on again was a challenge, but it didn't seem right leaving the marine with her toes dangling next to bits of dead zombie-husks.

 _Geth. Husks. Protheans. Plus two dead marines, so far. Fucking hell._ Turning towards the farthest hill, Shepard trudged out of the valley, Fredricks converging onto her path from his own route across the hilltops.  _Nothing for it but to keep going, and try to stop getting my people killed. Again._

Fredricks fell in close once he caught up, practically treading on Ella's heels, his head swiveling at the slightest whisper on the breeze or shift in the light, too fast to actually get a good look at anything.  _Crap, need to calm the poor kid down. I'm out of practice being the nice one. Ever since Torfan I've been the one to scare the kiddies while the juniors play nice. No one else here, though._

"Thank you, Fredricks," Shepard stated quietly as they walked. "You saved my ass back there. I'm impressed you kept your head. We don't really get trained to deal with, well, fucking-blue-grey-zombie-things."

The private let out a sigh, almost managing a chuckle at her bemused tone as she failed to figure out what to call the husks. "Thank you, ma'am. Or, uh, you're welcome?" She could feel him still fidgeting behind her, but she kept her gaze outwards, attempting to make sure nothing else was sneaking up on them across the still smoldering fields, giving him space to figure out what it was he needed to ask.

"I just wish, that ... I tried to keep them back, but Foraker... "

"You did what you could, Private. She was too close to the electrical discharge." Shepard stopped, and turned around to face him directly. "It's not your fault she died, and don't let anyone, even yourself, try to convince you otherwise." She held his gaze until he nodded, slightly, attempting to agree with her, before turning back to her slow stalk forward. She allowed herself a slight smile of relief when she heard him fall back in line, smooth and quiet again, his fidgets gone. For now, at least.  _Thank you Major, stole that look from you._

Her smile faded with a sigh, and she wrenched her attention away from her former CO and back to the present.  _And the husks seem to have broken my brain too. Don't normally have this much trouble staying focused. Stay alive. Find Prothean thing. Look for survivors. Survivors would be nice. Improve our whole day._

 

* * *

 

Meghan Shepard had no choice but to leave Sergeant McKean's body where it was. She and Tremaine didn't have the ability to carry him anywhere, so she made sure to grab his dog-tags, just in case they had trouble coming back for him. The young private was jumpy now, and wasn't spouting off any of the smart-assed comments he'd been making before they were jumped by the geth. Not that she'd been paying attention to his comments specifically, she'd been too busy laughing internally at Alexis.

The private switched the sniper rifle for his assault rifle since they were a man down and walked behind Shepard, keeping his eyes on their six as much as possible. They crept along at a snail's pace, rounding a small hill. The sound of rapid weapons' fire, however, made Shepard break out into a crouching run, Tremaine on her heels. She motioned for the younger man to take cover behind a rocky outcrop up ahead and she sprinted forward to get into range. Trusting the sniper to get into position quickly, Shepard rounded the large boulder to find the female marine she remembered seeing from the distress call come running up the path, two drones hot on her tail. One got a hit on her shields and the woman drew her weapon as she went down and fired at the drones, killing them. She scrambled to her feet, her posture showing she was horrified at what she saw as she turned to run.

The commander followed the other woman's gaze and saw two geth lowering a colonist onto an odd tripod. As she watched, a large spike shot up through the man's chest raising him into the air and blue electrical sparks arced through his body. Shepard froze in horror for a moment and the geth had time to shoot, flaring her shields, before she managed to fire back and dive for cover. Tremaine unerringly took one's head off with his sniper rifle and the unknown female marine took out the other. Shepard stood up at Tremaine's, "Negative hostiles, Commander."

An alto voice behind her spoke up, "Thanks for your help, Commander. I didn't think I was going to make it." The commander turned from looking for Tremaine and the marine continued, "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. You the one in charge here, ma'am?"

Shepard glanced over the chief, looking for any obvious injuries, "Commander Meghan Shepard. Corporal Scotty Tremaine. Are you wounded, Williams?"

The woman shrugged, "A few scrapes and burns. Nothing serious. The others weren't so lucky." She hung her head, her voice becoming horrified.

"Tell me what happened, Chief," Shepard prompted, trying to keep her voice gentle, knowing the pain the other woman was in.

"Oh, man... we were patrolling the perimeter when the attack hit." She walked a few steps and pointed in the direction Shepard and Tremaine had just come from. "We tried to get off a distress call, but they cut off our communications. I've been fighting for my life ever since."

"We received the distress call, what there was of it," Shepard told her.

"I'm glad to hear that, ma'am. Our commsman died to get that sent out," William's brown eyes tightened in anger.

Shepard nodded in sympathy and gestured to Tremaine to scout the immediate area then asked, "Where's the rest of your squad?"

Williams' brow knotted in sorrow, "We tried to double back to the beacon. But we walked into an ambush." She took a deep breath and her voice was angrier than it had yet been, "Those flashlight heads wiped out my whole unit!"

 _Akuze. The pain, the fear, the blood, the darkness, the screaming_. Shepard told her, "It wasn't your fault, Williams. There was nothing you could have done to save them."

The marine's voice indicated she wasn't convinced, though her face was professionally blank, "Yes, ma'am." She swallowed visibly and continued, "We held on long as we could, until the machines overwhelmed us."

Shepard frowned, she hated being right sometimes. "The geth haven't been seen outside the Veil in over 200 years. Why are they here now?"

The chief shrugged, "The only thing Eden Prime has that would interest them is the beacon. The dig site is just over that rise. It might still be there."

Nodding, the commander said, "We could use your help, Williams. Give you a chance to get even." The one thing Shepard never had the chance to do was avenge her unit. She'd give the gunnery chief that opportunity now.

William's pretty features twisted in determination, "Aye, aye, ma'am. It's time for payback."

A buzz of static signaled the comm attempting to transmit another message, and Shepard held up a hand to signal Williams and Tremaine to wait while she tried to decipher the message through the interference. "Bravo, here. Beware spikes ..." Shepard's eyes flashed upward to the dead body she'd seen impaled on her approach as the message broke up. "Do not let them close"  _crackle, buzz,_  " ... electrical attack. Repeat. Beware - bodies. Subjects turn hostile and swarm," a long buzz of interference, "highly dangerous," a final sharp burst of static, which faded quickly. A quiet hum made it clear the private was still on the line, though he didn't seem to be talking for a moment. "For - down. Repeat. Foraker ..."

The three of them stood silently, Tremaine and Shepard considering their fallen crewmates, Williams presumably thinking of her own unit as they stood staring up at the body hanging limply from the spire in front of them. "Impaling victims instead of shooting them. There must be some reason behind it." Williams' sad voice came from behind Shepard.

"You're seriously looking for reason from these machines?" Tremaine demanded, peering behind them through the scope on his rifle.

The commander put one hand on her hip, still staring upward, "Classic psychological warfare. They're using terror as a weapon." She glanced behind her at the private, "Even machines can figure out we feel fear and can be driven by it."

Their comms came to life, again, static interrupting the transmission, Alenko's voice audible despite the terrible interference. "This is Alph-! Jenkins - down. Repeat. - is down. We are - with the mis - objective. Alenko -."

Shepard closed her eyes, that was three marines dead. Were they going to get picked off one by one?  _Blood, screaming, gun fire, explosions in the dark, surrounded..._ She shook her head to clear it. This was not the time to reminisce. "Williams, where did you say that dig site was?" She asked.

The chief cleared her throat. "The beacon's at the far end of this trench." Shepard gestured for her to lead them.

They approached the dig site, the circular ruins crawling with geth, their flashlight heads shining in the late afternoon sunlight. Tremaine's sniper rifle cracked with a echoing report and one of them went down, spraying the stones behind it with some sort of white fluid. Meghan and Williams had their weapons out and were firing before the shot finished echoing and another geth joined its fellow in a spray of white. The rest fell quickly enough, splattering the smooth stones with their pale, mechanical liquid.

They approached and Williams made a frustrated noise behind her helmet's face plate, "This is the dig site! The beacon was right here! It must've been moved."

"By who? Our side? Or the geth?" Tremaine asked.

Williams shrugged, "Hard to say. Maybe we'll know more after we check out the research camp."

Shepard looked around at the destruction the geth and their brief firefight had caused, "You think anyone got out of here alive?"

Williams looked past the other woman to the path leading up the hill, "If they were lucky. Maybe hiding up in the camp? It's just on the top of this ridge, up the ramps."

Nihlus' voice crackled on through the comms, "Change of plans, Commanders. There's a small spaceport up ahead. I want to check it out. I'll wait for you there."

Shepard turned to her squadmates, "Sounds likely that either the colonists or the geth would have taken the beacon to the spaceport. I'll let Alpha and Bravo know to check the camp and then head for the spaceport. Which way, Williams?"

* * *

"This is Alpha squad. Jenkins is down. Repeat. Jenkins is down. We are continuing with the mission objective. Alenko out."

Alexis Shepard kept watch, waiting as the Lieutenant radioed the other teams.  _McKean. Jenkins. Foraker. Three dead marines, one lone survivor, and no fucking trace of the beacon._ This was turning out to be one hell of a recovery mission. This was more of a clusterfuck than the Blitz had been, and there had been almost nothing for her to work with during that ambush. But then, batarians and mercenary scum had been easier to predict than synthetics, which only seemed to heighten her paranoia.

Needing to focus on the present, she shoved the awkward reminiscing of Elyisum to the back of her mind. Based on what little intel they had on Eden Prime, they probably should be heading for the spaceport. It was where the scientists were supposed to prep the beacon for transit, before everything had gone wrong. Maybe they'd gotten that far before the attack.

"What do you think is going on, Lieutenant?" Alexis asked, hoping for a fresh perspective from her own dark thoughts.

"We're fighting a machine race most marines doubt the existence of, ma'am. I feel a little out of my depth and a lot pissed off." He crouched behind a rocky outcrop and looked over at his CO. "I mean, I've always held back, just a little, with my biotics. But seeing these colonists..."

Alexis spared a thought for Ella and how this must be affecting her. "It's never easy seeing dead civilians."

She watched him check the readouts on his pistol as he asked, "What about you, ma'am? What do you think about all this?"

The commander didn't reply right away, she wanted to choose her words carefully. "I think that this mission was fubarred when we hit the ground. No intel. Ambushes. Fucked up comms.." She sighed a bit and looked back out to the horizon, seeing a cliff face rising in the distance. "But..."  _I've dealt with worse_ , she thought to herself.

"But, what, ma'am?" Alenko asked.

She blinked, realizing that she had trailed off earlier. "But, we'll figure a way out of this yet. Just as soon we can figure out where the hell they've moved the beacon to. Any ideas?"

"Charlie did mention a spaceport, as did Nihlus, Commander. I couldn't tell you where that is, however."

"There's a ridge up ahead." She indicated to the ridge on the horizon. "We'll head up that way and see if we can't get a visual on the port."

"I might be able to get us a clearer comm signal from up there as well."

She nodded slightly. "Good a place as any to start. Besides, Charlie also mentioned a camp up somewhere in the hills. There could be some clues if it's up there. Let's get moving," she stated as she shifted her assault rifle in her arms. "Keep a sharp eye for any more of those drones, and with luck, we'll get the drop on anything else nasty waiting for us."

* * *

The train to the spaceport ended up being back down the way they'd come and back around another hill. Meghan Shepard was getting tired of walking. She was glad she had on comfortable boots, at least she wouldn't get blisters.  _McKean's never getting blisters again,_  the morbid, self-flagellating thought surfaced before she could strangle it and she stumbled.

"You all right, ma'am?" Tremaine's voice was tentative.

"Yes, Private, I'm fine."

"If you say so, ma'am."

Shepard shook her head ruefully. The private had no business being so observant, but it fit his sniper skills well, she suspected. She continued climbing the hill, squinting into the smoke filled air. Visibility was horrible. She held her shotgun at the ready, though, and Williams and Tremaine did the same with their weapons. Cresting the hill, the commander froze, staring at the charred and smoking vista before her.

The spaceport was several miles away, too far to walk, but still intact. The swath of destruction around it, however, was thorough and far reaching. In the middle of the scorched wasteland squatted the massive dreadnought. Its surface drank what light there was around it as if refusing to reflect it back. The dim sickly bluish running lights gave off a weak glow the ships' hull absorbed as if hungry for light. The smoky red haze that seemed to pass for the air of the settlement seemed thicker and more dense around the claw-like landing legs of the vast ship. From Meghan's vantage point, it seemed as if the light-eating hull was wreathed in the flame-colored smoke. Ant-like figures of geth of varying sizes moved quickly and purposefully around the base, some forming up into rows of metal soldiers, others dragging a few human forms behind them, probably to turn them into those things that killed Foraker.

"What the hell is  _that_?" Tremaine demanded.

"We saw it land," Williams said, her voice plainly anguished. "It landed just after the geth. Just before my unit - I don't know what it is, except big."

Shepard ground her teeth, "Whatever it is, let's see if it can die like everything else." Williams gave her a tight-lipped smile and nod, Tremaine just stared at her for a moment like she was insane, shrugged slightly and resettled his gun, prepared to move forward on her signal. The commander started forward and heard the other two fall in behind her.

They crept down the other side of the hill on a narrow foot-path single file. Shepard felt her gaze drawn continuously to the ship squatting on the burnt field.  _Why would the geth, if they could build a ship like that, care two rats' asses about a Prothean beacon? How would the technology even help a mechanical race?_ Mired in her thoughts, trying to find logic in the pattern of events she'd learned since touching down, Shepard was relieved to finally catch sight of the train station that would take them to the space port.

In a rare stroke of luck she hadn't seen since their landing on this blasted colony, the geth seemed to have left this station alone. They were able to board the train without being attacked. The flat platform was open and exposed. Shepard ordered her team to keep down and stay as covered as possible under the circumstances. Who knew what they'd find at the port?

* * *

"Fucking hell, Fredricks, I could kiss you." Ella Shepard grinned at the young blond, trying not to chuckle as the kid flushed.

"Um, thank you?"

Shepard gave him a friendly smack on the shoulder as she glanced over the very dead husks they'd managed to mow down before the things got close enough to explode on them again. They'd even finally seen a couple geth foot-soldiers of some sort, which were also now dead.  _Deactivated? Bits of mechanical shit and white goo? Much better than blue glowy bodies and green gunk._  She scowled half-heartedly, too happy they'd both escaped injury to be actively annoyed at the mess.  _Those husk things are really fucking gross._

Shepard absentmindedly patted her new pistol as she surveyed the path ahead of them. The giant sea-monster of a ship was behind the spaceport, clearly visible against the devastation it had caused. That was several miles away, though. Their current concern was the transport station ahead, and drawing any remaining geth away from the survivors behind them. Shepard glanced back at the hut, locked up tight yet again. She was glad someone had survived, but couldn't suppress the smolder of anger in her gut that the survivors were smugglers, stealing from the marines they were lucky enough to have on hand to protect their sorry asses.  _Lucky bastards. Got the fucking cavalry right on planet, making sure they won't all get totally wiped out, and are they grateful? Hell no. Having learned nothing from Mindoir or the Blitz about how nice it is to have some soldiers around, they decide to make a couple bucks off their weapons. Should've gone with my first instinct and shot the smug jack-ass when he didn't tell me everything right off the bat._

She sighed slightly, and waved the private in behind her as she started down the hill.  _Ah well, got a nice gun out of the jerks. Kills things pretty well._ Slowing down as they worked their way up the stairs to the station, Shepard stopped completely at the sight of a body sprawled across the platform. A turian body.

"Isn't that the Spectre?" Fredricks whispered as he peered around her. "Nihlus? What happened?"

 _How the fuck should I know?_  She glanced around the platform, curious at the total lack of geth or husks in the vicinity.  _Spectre shouldn't have been easy to take down, but there aren't even any extra bullet holes in the crates behind him ..._

A sudden noise had her training her pistol at said crates, Fredricks falling into position beside her.

"Don't shoot!" A human head slowly raised itself into view, hands held high above him. "I'm one of you!"

 _Fucking lucky you're not one of us with a hole in your head, sneaking up on armed marines in a combat zone,_  Shepard snapped her pistol back onto her weapon harness with a mental snarl.

Though the conversation quickly went even further downhill after that lovely introduction, discovering that the dock-worker was the smuggler's contact and only alive because he was a malingering bastard.  _Yet another fucking moron I'm not supposed to shoot. Hope the damn grenade mod is worth the aggravation._

They did learn the beacon had been separated into pieces for shipment, as it had started glowing slightly green that morning, prior to the attack, and the scientists had been a bit worried about what it might do in transit.

And that Nihlus had been shot in the back by another turian, someone named Saren, who had headed off on the train after the beacon pieces.  _What the fuck is going on today? Two turians, one killing the other on a human colony overrun by damned synthetic monsters riding around in a giant space lobster, everyone apparently after practically mythical ancient alien tech? I'm in some ridiculous action-comedy vid. With extra explodey-bits._ She scowled down at her boots, green husk gunk drying in splatters across her toes.  _And I was so happy to be on a proper ship, doing something more interesting than mopping up pirate leftovers. Shows how damned stupid I am._

"Bravo here." Shepard clicked on her comm as they headed across the station to the train. "Nihlus is down. Beware rogue turian on site, pursuing the beacon. Must locate three separate crates; mission target was disassembled for transport. Continuing to spaceport." She repeated herself twice, hoping the interference wouldn't fuck with the message too much.

"Let's go see if we can steal a train, shall we private?" Shepard glanced back at Fredricks as they approached the last set of stairs.

"Aye aye ma'am." Fredricks cracked a slight smile. "Always wanted to be a conductor. Can I drive?"


	8. Transit

Meghan Shepard crouched on the train as she received another message that chilled her to the bone, "Bravo here," and static interrupted as it had every transmission, "Nihulus - down. -Beware - turian - pursuing - bea-. Must locate - separate crates; Mission targ - transport. - spaceport."

"You know, it would fucking be nice to get a full, informative transmission at some point in the near fucking future," Meghan snarled, tapping on her 'tool in frustration.

Williams gestured out over the plain that was still visible from the slowly moving train. "I think that thing is doing something to our comms, Commander."

Tremaine nodded, "I think the Chief's right, Commander, ma'am. The cloud cover alone is messing with the satellite feeds. Who knows what else that geth ship could be doing."

What seemed to be plumes of smoke billowed from beneath the leviathan sized ship. It smoothly began to lift off the ground in a maneuver that would be impossible for any ship in known space. Lightning from the heavy clouds began to arc around the ship and the engines shook the ground until Shepard and her teammates had to hold on to something to stay on the train or get knocked off. Since the train was currently crossing a chasm, getting thrown off was not a good idea. The ground shook again, harder as the thing engaged its thrusters and the small team hung on to anything they could reach as the transport bucked on its rails, sparks flying from the console in front of Tremaine. He ducked his head and covered his face to protect himself. The train shuddered to a halt in the middle of the gorge.

"Murphy hates Shepards," Meghan muttered. Aloud she ordered, "All right, kids, let's get our asses in gear and hoof it to solid ground before that thing banks and drops us off the continental shelf!" The three of them scrambled off the front of the train and ran along the rails, avoiding the electrical cable down the middle that seemed to still be sparking. Meghan thanked God there were enough bracing brackets between the rails that they didn't have to slide along them. She thanked God again when they reached the other side with no one having fallen off the bridge and no geth having taken a shot at them. It was a long walk the rest of the way.

* * *

The entire god damn trip to that camp had been a wash. Alexis Shepard still fumed over that as she and Alenko travelled quietly via train at the space port, having already seen the alien dreadnought depart minutes earlier. They had learnt absolutely nothing useful from that civilian scientist and her crazy assistant that giggled in the shadows.  _Who the fuck giggles like that?_  she wondered as the image of Manuel came back to her.  _His thin frame rocking back and forth in place, wringing his hands together as he babbled about the end of humanity._

Just the thought of him made her skin crawl once more, and she felt her right hand curl back up into a fist. Damn it, she did not handle crazy. And to make things worse, while she had been stuck dealing with crazy Manuel and the oblivious Dr. Warren, someone had gone and fucking killed their Spectre escort. She sighed in frustration, needing something tangible to lash out against.

"Are you alright, Commander?" Alenko asked.  _Preferably not the attentive lieutenant_ , she chided herself as she felt her agitation level rise at his question.

"I'm fine," she managed through clenched teeth.

"You don't sound fine, Commander." He looked away and then back, "With all due respect, I mean."

_Damn me and my big mouth._ A cold snap of energy shot down her spine, the cool tingling traveling down to her fingers as she turned to look at him. "I'm  _fine_ , Lieutenant."

"Really?"

She saw an eyebrow raise again from behind his visor. She apparently was less than convincing at the moment, which only served to make her scowl in his general direction. She had no desire to talk, wanting to preserve her anger for what might be lying ahead, but he was being persistent. "Permission to speak freely, Lieutenant."

"Look, I could be wrong here, but you've seemed on edge…"

"Of course I'm  _on edge_ ," she snapped, cutting him off. "We've got a dead Council Spectre now, in addition to  _everything_  else. And still nothing positive to show for us. Why wouldn't I be on edge?" Her tone was sharper than she would have liked.

Alenko didn't flinch from her words though, merely frowning some. "Is that what happened back at the camp then?" She narrowed her eyes at him, glaring silently as he continued. "I'm not questioning what you did. You said yourself that he was unpredictable, and it wasn't like we could have stayed there. But, you have been bristling ever since Manuel and uh, his nap."

"Bristling?"

"Your biotics, ma'am."

_Damn it._  She was not used to having someone other than her Shepards picking up on that bit. She sighed a bit. "Let's just say that crazy damages my calm. But I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

As observant as he was, the lieutenant still had quite a bit to learn about her, and vanguards, it appeared. She flashed him a grin. "Just find me something big and metal, and it will take care of itself."

* * *

"That is probably not a good sign, is it ma'am?" Fredricks stared up at the clouds, watching the alien monstrosity as it launched off the planet.

"No, Private, I doubt it." Ella Shepard sighed in agreement. "Since they seemed to be after the beacon too. Let's see if they left us anything, shall we?"

When the platform stopped shaking in reaction to the launch,  _glad we weren't on our way yet_ , Shepard carefully boarded the train, keeping an eye out for the mysterious turian, or geth, or husks, or some as yet undiscovered fourth new impossible enemy, while Fredricks took a look at the controls.

"Think I can get us going, ma'am." The soldier finally looked up. "This thing isn't designed for much besides shuttling back and forth. I think."

"Shuttle away, Mr. Conductor." Ella tried not to snicker at his shy grin.  _Damn, kid looks sixteen. I feel old. Did I look that young when I was a shiny new Louie? How the hell could the Major stand it? And why the fuck do I keep thinking about Kyle today? Shit. Cannot be a good omen._  Shepard dug out another power bar to gnaw on as they started to pick up speed, rushing towards the port in the distance.

_Damn smugglers mentioned the noise with the ship. I wonder..._

"Bravo to Alpha. Bravo to Charlie. Approaching spaceport. Status? Over."

Ella grinned in relief as Meghan's voice came through the comm, clean and sharp and static-free. "Charlie here, copy. Also enroute."

"Alpha, en route to spaceport." Alexis' voice followed right after Meghan's, equally clear and crisp.

"Glad to hear your pretty voices. Nice to have comms again, now the giant space lobster took off."

Meghan snorted at Ella's description. "Fucking big assed ship nearly shook us into a ravine."

"Is everyone ok?" Alexis' voice was cool as always, the hint of worry probably only noticeable to Meghan and Ella.

"You know me, always land on my feet." Brash Meg was a very comforting sound.  _Having my Shepards as back-up is almost awesome enough to make up for this fuck-up of a mission._  "But yeah, Charlie's intact as of acquiring the chief."

"Good to hear," Ella could hear the slight smile in Lex's voice. "Not sure on our ETA to the port. Keep me posted on any other developments. Shepard, Out."

Ella's lips curved in a smile herself, "Over and Out." She settled down next to Fredricks, both tight behind the main console of the train.

* * *

Williams flung herself behind an out cropping of rock and Tremaine crouched low and headed for higher ground. Meghan Shepard squatted and peered over the edge of her rock while the rain of bullets from a geth ambush pelted them. "Didn't we just leave this party?" she muttered, switching her shotgun for her pistol, the former being useless at this range. Aloud, she yelled, "Williams, do you see any of those creatures Bravo reported?"

"No, ma'am, not yet."

"Good, let's see how many of those flashlight heads we can take out. Crow's nest in position?"

"Aye, ma'am." Tremaine's soft and cocky voice came over the comm link.

"Then what're you waiting for? Target practice, Crow's nest." Meghan turned to Williams on the other side of the path. The Chief was firing in slow and steady bursts to prevent her weapon from overheating. "Williams? Cover me."

"Ma'am?"

"Those fuckers are going to take pot shots at us all afternoon, they're here to slow us down. What if the beacon was on that ship? What if it's awaiting shuttle transport once that ship is in orbit. What if that ship went after the  _Normandy_?"

Meghan could see Williams' jaw clench under her helmet, "Prepared to utilize suppressive fire on your mark, ma'am." Meghan nodded and carefully glanced around her rock outcropping. Tremaine's rifle report cracked through the sudden silence in gunfire. She could count up to five geth crouched behind cover ahead of them, all of them refusing to duck out, lending credence to her idea they were just a stalling tactic.

There. Two of them had crouched behind the same rock. Shepard threw one of her grenades as hard as she could to make it over the rocks. When it reached the two geth, she hit the detonator in her 'tool and the explosive device took out both unshielded machines. She stood up, still crouched over and headed around the other side of her rock. The remaining three geth seemed to be concentrating on Wiliams' position and on keeping their flashlight heads down out of Tremaine's range. Charging around her boulder, Shepard prepared the mnemonic for throw ( _lift_  maybe, if it's going up in the sky for the sniper?) and managed to get one of them airborne where Tremaine's sniper rifle ended its artificial existence. Before the other two could train their weapons on Shepard, she charged forward at a run, firing her shotgun at the same time. One of the black-painted metal bodies fell at her feet the other managed to completely knock out her shields before Williams' bullets decimated it. Shepard stood panting, her overheated shotgun in her limp grasp.

She heard Williams and Tremaine approach, "Well, that was exhilarating." The small group turned to continue up the path, but a metallic shrieking sound froze Shepard in her tracks. "I really hope that's not what I think it is."

Williams brought her weapon up, and Tremaine peered through his scope. "I'm afraid you're right again, ma'am," the chief replied, her voice strained.

From behind the treeline several quickly moving grayish corpses came running. Running straight for the three soldiers, however, they made easy targets. A few of them managed to get close enough to let off the lightning storm of a surge they'd been warned about but were shot down before they actually managed to build enough charge to blow up. It didn't take them long to wipe out the handful of mechanical husks that had charged them. "Were these colonists?" Tremaine sounded ill.

"Or marines?" Williams sounded equally nauseated.

"You can't think about it. Let's go."

* * *

The train lurched to a stop as it arrived at the spaceport, the docking platform eerily quiet and vacant. _Welcoming party must be elsewhere,_  Alexis mused to herself with a silent laugh. She then hopped off the train and took point as she led the way to the ramp leading up towards the causeway that connected the docking platforms to the rest of the spaceport. She readied her assault rifle as Alenko fell in step behind her.

As they neared the top of the ramp, she could see on the far side of the causeway another walkway, littered with crates, that looked like it led to the actual port terminal. The entire expanse followed the length of a structural wall, and, despite being open to the immediate environment, offered ample hiding places.  _Great for another fucking ambush._ She and Alenko kept low, wanting to take advantage of what little cover was available.

As expected, they had not gotten halfway down the causeway when they began taking fire from geth troops that had been hiding behind the crates. She ducked quickly behind a low metal plate she was passing, feeling the warmth of the lieutenant's leg press against hers as he squeezed into cover beside her. Enemy fire ricocheted loudly against the plate as the geth bore their weapons down on the position.

"Damn it…" She peered to the end of their path. There wasn't much there as it led primarily to the crates the geth currently were holed up around. The other way was a dead end, just another small platform with a crate and a wall brace, but it sure as hell beat the exposed area that they were trying to utilize. "How fast can you run?"

"Fast enough, ma'am. Where to?" he asked over the continued barrage of fire against their small barricade.

"There," she leaned in closer to him as she indicated the dead end, catching a hint of aftershave as it mingled with the his now familiar scent of sweat and scorched ozone. "Move on my mark," she ordered. She heard his quiet acknowledgment as she listened to the cadence of the weapons. There was no distinguishable rhythm or pattern, but she had noticed before that there was the slightest of pauses every dozen seconds or so.

_Three. Three. Four. Four. Five._ "Go," Shepard ordered as she sprang from cover, bringing her rifle around for a quick burst of suppressing fire. She then sprinted towards the end of the path, matching pace with the lieutenant as she grabbed one of her grenades. Their sudden movement took the geth by a bit of surprise and they were unable to adjust their fire as the crates they used as cover became an obstruction for both sides.

As they neared the end of the path, the weapons fire ceased, and she skidded to a stop just before the edge of the first crate, grabbing hold of Alenko's arm to keep him from moving beyond her. She gave him a quiet shake of her head as she waited half a heartbeat before she chucked the grenade in her other hand.

"Move it, soldier," she called out to him as she detonated the grenade. She used the distraction of the grenade to allow them to fall back into the dead end. She quickly dropped for cover behind the crate as Alenko slipped in behind the wall brace.

She leaned out from cover briefly; firing off another barrage of suppressing fire at the geth that faced them head on down the "new" path. In the distance, a large, bulky geth stood apart from the others. It was hard to discern what was different about it, as it was at the far end of the path. She ducked back behind the crate as the geth began a new wave of weapons fire in their direction. "Shouldn't these things have left with their ship?" she shouted

"Sorry, Commander, I guess they missed their flight?" Alenko shouted back as he leaned out to fire his pistol.

"Apparently, no one's pointed out they've worn out their welcome!" Shepard  _threw_ a geth trying to sneak up on them.

Alenko grunted as he  _threw_  another, "I guess that's our job, ma'am!"

Alexis leaned out long enough to shoot another geth, "Sometimes, Lieutenant, our job sucks!"

* * *

_Thank you, god, for shipping crates._  Ella Shepard ducked behind a large grey box, glancing over at Fredricks where he was using a support beam for the upper levels of the 'port as cover of his own. The platform at the spaceport had been quiet, but as soon as they'd started up the stairs to the shipping complex they'd found a proper swarm of geth awaiting them. They'd made their way through the maze of walkways to a large open warehouse, where the machines were oddly concentrated at the far end, refusing to advance and confront the marines directly.  _Almost as if they're protecting something?_

"Let's try something different, Private Slow and steady should be a decent change of pace, right?" The commander moved over just long enough to trigger a  _lift_  at the closest geth.

"Whatever you say, ma'am." Fredricks leaned sideways and poured bullets at the floating trooper with his assault rifle. They both paused for a moment, back in cover, until they heard the crash of the dead machine as it hit the ground.

"You're very agreeable, Private," Shepard commented, as she eyed the mass of shipping containers shoved all around the warehouse for the best route forward. Catching his eye, she pointed toward another pillar at 11 o'clock with her chin, then lifted five fingers and started counting down. At one, she pointed him in the right direction, and popped up to give him covering fire as he dashed across the short stretch of open floor.

They leapfrogged carefully through the storage facility, slowly getting more and more of the troopers in range of their weapons fire. Finally there was just one group of geth remaining, several of the now familiar blue-black geth version of infantry, as well as two that seemed to be a dark red in tone.

"See if you can work your way back behind that crane." Shepard suggested quietly from behind the latest batch of crates. "I'll jump around and wave my arms and try and keep their focus over here."

"Shooting at them might be more effective, Commander," the young man suggested shyly.

Shepard had to swallow a bark of laughter that would have echoed gloriously through the open metal room. "Thanks for the advice, Fredricks. I'll keep that in mind. Now, shoo."

"Aye aye, ma'am," he nodded as he slipped off to the side.

Heading in the opposite direction, Shepard stopped trying to move quietly, and opted for a loud thudding run, shooting through the crates every time she had an opening. She had been thrilled to be capturing their attention so successfully, until she saw a familiar plume of smoke from one of the red figures, and dove desperately across the floor, rolling behind the nearest crate as the splash damage from the  _bloody fucking rocket_  scorched her toes, overloading both her shields and  _barrier_.

_Well, that was fun,_  Ella panted to herself as she waited for her protections to recharge before attempting another dash. At least Fredricks would know what the red troopers were capable of, and no one had died to figure it out.  _Oooh, look at me, channeling my inner optimist. Hi there, jelly-bean. Haven't seen you much the last thirteen years._ Blowing out one short breath in preparation, Shepard ducked out of cover, shooting a  _lift_  at the closest red geth before continuing on her zig-zag path through the warehouse, trying to get close enough that they couldn't aim another rocket at her.

The sharp report of Fredricks' sniper rifle taking out the flying rocket trooper signified the soldier's successful attempt to find a good vantage point.  _Ooh-rah Private. I love having a decent sniper as back-up._  The next batch of infantry were relatively easy pickings, but Shepard noticed with growing unease that his last few shots had all come from about the same location.  _Get yourself moving, Fredricks, can't count on them being too stupid to find you._

Peering around her latest batch of cover, Shepard saw the last three geth all facing in the wrong direction. Towards Fredricks. One red rocket trooper, protected by two standard blue infantry models, and what looked like a rocket launcher up on its shoulders.

"Move it, Private!" Ella shouted through her comm as she charged out of cover.  _Please let this work, please let this work,_ seeing the plume of smoke from another rocket being fired,  _fucking hell please let this work and not be too late._  Shepard prepared her least favorite mnemonic and attempted a  _singularity_ , hoping she'd actually get the result she was going for. She'd only had about a week to learn the damn thing from an asari guest instructor at N training, and it almost never did quite what she expected.

As the field she'd flung in their midst contracted, all three geth started floating, then spinning slowly around the steady blue core, mechanical limbs waving helplessly through the white corona surrounding them. Throwing an illegally modified grenade at the heavy red geth in the middle, Shepard ran right past them, heading towards the rocket's splash zone to check on Fredricks.

She ducked behind the smoking remains of the crane he'd used for his first bit of cover, avoiding looking too closely at the twisted, overheated struts so as not to encourage her imagination's contemplation of the same thing happening to human limbs. Her squad read-out had never reloaded after the husk explosion, but her radar was picking up his suit's signal several yards ahead of her.  _He's still not moving. Why isn't he ..._

Her worried thoughts stumbled to a halt as her grenade finally detonated behind her, an unusual sizzling sound continuing after the blast. Risking a careful glance back over her shoulder, Shepard paused a moment, eyes wide as she saw the metallic forms sparking and smoking, extremities dissolving into embers from the thermal paste Powell had handed over when he thought she was going to shoot him.  _Damn, I need to get more of that._ As an added precaution, Shepard fired a few extra rounds into the bodies after the _singularity_ failed and they fell to the floor with a clatter.  _That seems to be that,_  she sighed with relief, her radar clear of anything beyond one solitary blue dot.  _Let's hope Fredricks is in better shape than expected as well._

Finally tracking down the private's signal, Shepard found herself in the far corner of the warehouse, the young man still and flat against the wall.  _Fucking hell ... not again._  She felt a surge of relief when she got close enough to recognize the locked joints of a suit in stabilization mode. It only bothered triggering the full medical program if the body inside was still alive. Of course, it only did a full lock-down if there was severe blunt trauma and the programming thought the likelihood of cracked bones and internal injury was high, but he was breathing and had a pulse, according to the hasty diagnostic she ran, which was about the extent of her medical and tech skills combined. That was just going to have to be good enough for the moment.  _Course, the private's got himself heavy armor, and a locked suit is not very mobile. Hope we don't need to go anywhere else, as I doubt I can drag him very far without killing him._

Turning in a slow circle, Shepard was relatively pleased with their location. The blast had blown him close to the back wall, behind some crates, with as decent a view of the rest of the warehouse as she was likely to get. She walked around the crates sheltering Fredricks, looking for the best location to wait until she could call in an extra pair of hands. More crates. Nothing to climb, nothing to move for extra fortifications, nothing at all, really.

_Except a heavy cylindrical piece of tech that the bad guys were trying to guard ..._  Shepard took one step closer to the unknown object she'd discovered in a corner, before hearing her comm sputter back to life with a message from Charlie.  _Aw fuck._


	9. Demolitions and Visions

Meghan Shepard stood on the small rise just above the spaceport entrance. She peered around the large boulder she was leaning on for cover as she caught her breath. They'd simply ran the last five miles to the port. It hadn't taken long, but five miles at a sprint in full armor and weapons was a tough slog for even a marine.

"Uh, Commander?" Tremaine had his 'tool open and was staring at it, his features drawn into a tight line through the sweat and grime coating them. "We have a problem."

Shepard rolled her eyes, "When haven't we had a problem on this fucking rock. What now, Private?"

"I've got an odd reading here, Commander. I think the port's been rigged to blow. There's a bomb a half click that way. I must be picking up its detonation signal." The private pointed to the west.

"Son of a bitch! Williams, hostiles?"

"Negative contacts, Commander."

"Double time, people. Move it!" Shepard unholstered her shotgun again and led the way at a run. Heavy boots on the metal plates announced her team following her.

Tremaine shouted, "To the left!"

Meghan turned and skidded to a stop, staring at what was in front of her incredulously. "You have GOT to be shitting me." A long cylindrical device was laying in its protective casing on the metal plates surrounding a small alcove. It seemed to be inactive at the moment, but given their current bout of luck, that wasn't going to last long. "Williams, cover him. Tremaine, see what you can do." Activating her comms, Shepard yelled, "Bravo, Alpha, come in. We've located an incendiary device at our location! Of unknown yield! Heavily guarded! Be on the lookout! Over."

Alexis' voice came through loud and clear in response, "Say again, Charlie? What the hell did you find? Over."

Exasperated, the commander rolled her eyes and tried again. "Repeat. We've located an incendiary device at our location. Of unknown yield. Heavily guarded. Be on the lookout. Over."

There was a brief silence and Shepard was momentarily afraid she'd lost contact with the other two teams. Then Alexis' voice sounded quietly in her ear, "Fucking Murphy."

Ella's response wasn't quite so quiet. "God-damned goat-fucking bloody hell on a stick!  _Merde!_  Um. Shit."

Shepard's stomach dropped into her boots. "Uh, Ella... you lost your tech, didn't you?" Williams opened fire, and Shepard ducked behind a crate. Geth had started to approach their position and Tremaine had very little cover where he worked on the bomb.

Ella's voice was tight with worry. "The Private's injured. Stable, I hope, but not very mobile. And we're next to another bomb. I don't think my usual reaction to strange tech is a good one here."

Alexis snorted. "Don't fucking shoot it."

Shepard could almost hear Ella roll her eyes at the other woman. "Thank you, mom. Got that far on my own. Anything useful to add?"

The lieutenant's warm voice chimed in. "I should be able to walk you through it, ma'am. Once I see what we're dealing with."

Shepard heard the strain in Ella's voice, it may not have been apparent to anyone else, but Meghan knew her friend. "Lieutenant, I grew up on a colony where we weren't even tech-savvy enough to have omnitools. Actual desk-units. Which I avoided using as much as possible. Pretend you're talking to a five-year old when we get that far, alright?"

"A five year old with the attention span of a hummingbird," Shepard interjected, knowing the teasing would reassure Ella.  _After all, who would really joke if it were that serious?_

Ella rewarded Shepard's quip with a laugh, "Thanks so much, Meg, glad to finally know what you think of me."

"You know I only say that because you're a tough bitch," Shepard grinned and leaned out of cover long enough to fire a shot at a trooper that thought it could sneak up on her. It was flung backward and off the platform by the blast.

Alexis' voice interrupted them with mock sternness, "Can the fucking chatter, you two."

Ella laughed, "Shutting up, Ice Queen."

"Yes, Mom," Shepard grunted as she leaned out to take out another geth creeping up on them. It was the last one. Shepard and Williams exchanged a sigh of relief.

"Thanks for the warning about the exploding corpse things." Meghan chimed in again.

"Glad something got through."

"Commander, almost done here!" Tremaine informed them both. Shepard grinned at Williams which the chief returned, despite the fact that both their faces had a liberal coating of mud, ash and sweat under their helmets.

Alenko told Ella over the comm, "I'll see you through this, ma'am. Just do your best to stay focused. Does the device have any kind of timer on it?"

Shepard could hear the frustration creeping back into Ella's voice, "It's not flashing any fucking red numbers at me."

"'Cause THAT would be bad..." Meghan muttered. Aloud, she asked, "How far away are you, Bravo? Tremaine might be able to get to you in time."

"Up one floor from the west transit platform." Ella answered promptly. "Shipping complex of some sort."

Tremaine glanced up from the twisted wires in his hands, "I'm almost done here, ma'am. I can make it there, double time, as long as the geth stay off my back."

Shepard nodded at her private and relayed his comment, "Tremaine says he can disarm this one and get to you ASAP. Williams and I can hold the fort here."

There was a sigh of relief over the channel from Ella. "Thank fucking god. Our location's secure, we'll be waiting, Charlie. Over and out."

Tremaine straightened up from his crouch as Shepard closed the channel. "All right, ma'am. This one's safe as houses. I'll go help the commander, now?"

"Go ahead, Private. We'll keep the geth from retaking it," Shepard told him. The private started to rise from his crouch behind the bomb. The sharp report of a rifle fired in the distance. Shepard's eyes automatically snapped to the direction the noise came from. "Son of bitch! Williams, status! Tremaine, status!"

"I can't see them, Commander. It's got to be a sniper!" Williams crouched and tried to look everywhere through her rifle's scope. Shepard waited for Tremaine to report in, but his comms remained silent. She check his life signs in her HUD and her stomach twisted violently when his readout read flatline.

"Son of a bitch! Tremaine!" She yelled. "Williams, cover me!" Without waiting for the other woman's answer, Shepard raced to the last place she'd seen the private. Crouched low, she froze at the sight of his armored feet sticking out from behind the bomb. She glanced around and realized whoever, whatever, had gotten him had a clear line of sight from the ridge they'd just come down. "Williams, behind us on the ridge!"

"Copy that, Commander. I see the son the of a bitch!" There was that familiar note of determination in her voice.

"Tremaine, don't you fucking be dead," Shepard ordered as she crouched, trying to keep herself as small a target as she could. The private's helmet and his weakened shields hadn't protected him from the geth's weapon and Shepard's stomach rebelled at the sight of half his head missing. She clenched her teeth and swallowed back bile. Opening her comm channel again she announced, "Fucking hell! Tremaine just took a sniper bullet. And we're taking heavy fire. Can't come save your ass this time, Ella!"

"Aw. Crap." Ella's irritated voice made Shepard's throat close in anxiety. How could she not help her? How could she abandon her?  _Akuze. Gunfire, explosions._ Ella was strong, Ella would be all right. And Lex would save her. Shepard had to save herself. "Shut up Fredricks, I am not taking the damn train out of here by myself. The private says his 'tool's picking up a signal from the bomb. He thinks it's a timer. So yeah, whenever you've got a moment, Lieutenant, we could really use a fucking hand."

Another wave of geth appeared at the end of the walk way, and if Shepard hadn't moved at the last second to avoid a shotgun blast from the encroaching geth, she would be joining Tremaine. She threw herself against the nearest wall behind a crate, Alexis' voice, irritated as well, but with an underlying current of real fear that Shepard knew how to listen for. "You have got to be fucking kidding me! Just hold on a second, Bravo. Charlie, is the situation at least under control?"

Williams started cursing as the geth advanced on their position. She was forced to fall back, her shields deflecting fewer and fewer hits. When she got close enough, Shepard yanked her into cover with her. Hitting her comm button again, she yelled, "Can't talk, ladies. Someone needs an ass-kicking. Be back later! Charlie over and out."

Shepard almost didn't duck back into cover in time after throwing the chief behind her; one of the geth managed to fire a rocket or a powerful shotgun blast in her direction. Williams screamed, "Shepard!" before grabbing her belt and yanking her backward in return. The explosive round detonated against the back wall of their hiding spot, temporarily deafening both and making their HUDs flicker.

Shepard shook her head to clear her ringing ears. "Williams! Can you get Tremaine's rifle? Can you use it?" Williams popped her head up long enough to look over the short wall toward the ridge.

"Yeah," her voice was cold, "I can use it."

Shepard leaned out of cover and fired her shotgun at the three geth that were still creeping cautiously down the catwalk. One of their shields flared and failed. They all scattered to crouch behind the other crates. Shepard heard the telltale sound of metal being dragged across metal and the chief raised the rifle and aimed it it up into the ridge line. Shepard hoped Williams was a hell of a lot better sniper than she was. In the mean time, it was her job to keep the metal bastards off the chief's back.

* * *

Just before the channel from Meghan's comm cut out, William's voice carried over with a distant but loud "Shepard!"

"God damn it, Meg," Alexis Shepard growled into the radio. _Williams better fucking be able to reign her in, and quick. I'm not about to add anyone else to the casualty list. Least of all one of my Shepards._ "Fuck, ok, Bravo, I've got a path to clear, but I'll get Alenko to the bomb for you. Just sit tight. Shepard out." She then cut the active channel to her own comm device. She needed to eliminate any further distractions until she figured this out.

 _Fucking Murphy hates Shepards_ , the commander thought grimly to herself as she leaned out from the safe cover of the shipping crate. No matter how hard she tried, she could not quite shake the image of Ella standing over a bomb, fuming (not so quietly) as the device beeped insistently at her; nor the image of Meghan charging off by herself and running straight into an ambush. Lining up her shot, she fired upon the nearest geth trooper with her assault rifle, felling the machine quickly. There were still four more geth, not including the large thing she spied in the distance; two advancing on their location, and two that were retreating to join the larger one.

"Commander?"

"What is it, Lieutenant?" she asked as slipped back into cover, an image of Ella  _throwing_  a datapad across the room when it failed to call up a message flashing in Shepard's mind.

"What's the plan?" he called out to her.

"The plan," she started, popping out of cover long enough to hit the next nearest trooper with a  _warp,_ "is to get your ass to that bomb before my fellow commander does something rash or stupid."  _Not that I'd be able to handle this any better in her shoes_.  _Especially under these conditions._  The cold knot of rage from earlier returned in the pit of her stomach.  _One of these days I'm going to find Murphy and fuck his life over._

The sound of electronics cracking was followed by a round of pistol fire for a moment. "And exactly how are we doing that?"

 _Hell if I know_. "I'm going to clear you a path like I told Bravo. Just be ready to do what I say." She peeked around the side of the crate to find the last advancing geth about to bear down on their location. Switching quickly from her assault rifle to her shotgun, Shepard sprang from her cover and dispatched the trooper with ease.

The remaining geth had bunkered down on the far end of the walkway, gathering behind a large shipping crate, with the exception of the larger one. It stood menacingly in the open, as if daring someone to try and approach it. Shepard flagged the lieutenant to follow her before quickstepping forward to the next wall brace. While she advanced to the next cover, the larger geth began moving, raising its weapon and lumbering forward slowly. Just as she reached the brace and stepped behind it for cover, the geth unit fired a large pulse from its weapon that slammed into the brace with enough force to rock her forward on her feet on the other side. She felt a strong hand steady her, and she realized the lieutenant had managed to get to the same brace as she did, but they were still a long way from where she needed him to be.

 _Fuck. I don't have time to deal with this kind of shit._  Turning her focus back down to the end of the walkway, the large geth unit had stopped its forward movement and was currently setting its feet, laying in wait.  _Was it just toying with us to keep us from getting to that bomb? Fuck, machines probably don't give a rat's ass about their bodies._

Grunting in frustration, she racked her brain furiously trying to find a way to get that  _thing_  out of the way, without having to engage it directly. Or at least its gun directly. She had noticed that it was close to a railing that led to some kind of drop off, but she doubted a  _throw_  even at a closer distance would be able to knock it over. She'd need a crane, or something else to shove it…

A wicked grin touched her lips briefly. "Alright, Alenko, I've got an idea. After that big thing fires again, we're going to book it down to them. If, and only if, you get a clear opening to the two troopers, I want you to hit them with anything you've got. But your main objective is to find that bomb and make sure neither us nor Bravo gets blown to bits."

"What about…"

"Don't worry about anything else, soldier. I'll handle it. Just be ready." Taking a deep breath, Alexis stepped out from behind the protective barrier of the wall brace; her shotgun gripped tightly in her left hand. She placed herself in the middle of the walkway and stared down at the geth. "Come on you, fucking metal bastard! Take your best shot!" she taunted.

As expected, the geth aimed its weapon in her direction. She steeled herself as she waited in that moment for it to fire, feeling the icy flood of biotic energy flowing through her body. The second that the geth's weapon reported in the distance, she flicked on a  _barrier_  and dropped to a crouch in the path, the tips of her right hand braced against the ground.  _One. Two. Three._  She vaguely felt the blast from the geth's weapon skim across part of her barrier, narrowly missing a direct hit to any part of her, but she paid no acknowledgement to it, instead bursting forward in a run straight at the geth.

Within seconds, Shepard had closed to a few dozen feet of the unit as it grew larger and more imposing with the shortening distance. The gun in the machine's hands twitched as it tried to lock back on to her, likely for another of those charged blasts. Not wanting to feel another of those, she gestured quickly with her right hand, releasing the  _throw_ that she had been silently prepping. The geth flew backwards hard into the railing behind it, and she shifted slightly in her run, turning her torso slightly and lowering her right shoulder. She had just a moment to brace herself before she slammed shoulder first into the geth.

Pain immediately radiated down her arm as she made impact, both their bodies teetering against the railing. One metallic hand grabbed her left arm with a crushing grip as the machine stabilized itself and rocked back down on to the solid surface. Then with an almost casual toss, it slung her backwards to the ground as it rotated its weapon in her direction.  _Fuck_! She immediately brought up the shotgun she still gripped in her left hand, firing almost blindly at the geth from the ground.

The rifle in the geth's hand sparked violently as it took the brunt of the shotgun blast, angering the geth. Or at least, she thought it angered it, as the machine strode forward and brought its hulking foot down on her shotgun. She let go of the gun, managing to roll out of the way. Her right hand immediately went for her pistol, as she ignored the shooting pain the movement provoked. Having no desire (or chance) of going toe to toe in melee with it, she unleashed a rapid barrage of bullets at the geth, scrambling backwards the best she could from the ground. It lumbered forward again, jerking back slightly as the bullets ricocheted off its armor and white goo began to pour down its metal. Finally, it stopped moving, its legs locking in place as it toppled to one side; Alexis' pistol squawking in annoyance at her that it was overheated.

Her eyes went immediately to her HUD, checking to see where the remaining two geth were. There were no more enemy contacts on it, and Alenko registered off several feet to the left. He must have hit them with something good before finding the bomb. Feeling a bit relieved that the most imminent threat was handled for the moment, she let herself slump against the ground, taking in several deep breaths.  _God, I hope I don't have to do something like this again anytime soon._

* * *

"Alpha to Bravo," Lieutenant Alenko's voice interrupted Ella Shepard's attempt to scowl through the bomb casing in front of her, hoping it would somehow magically wilt under her glare. "You still secure, ma'am?"

"Right, tight, and quiet as a church on Tuesday, Lieutenant. You got eyes on the device on your end?"

"Yes, ma'am, thanks to the Commander." There was an odd note of surprise to the Lieutenant's voice, and Ella relaxed enough to grin. Lex had apparently done something crazy. For some reason, most of her troops always seemed to forget she was a vanguard, and her sudden aggressive tactics tended to surprise them.  _Me or Meg doing the crazy never startles anyone._

"Glad to hear my girl's taking care of things for us. Tell me what to do, Lieutenant."

Meghan's voice crackled in over the comms, breathlessly she reported, "Alpha, Bravo, this is Charlie. Come in. Over."

"Nice to hear from you Charlie. Now shut up, the LT was about to get all technical for me."

"Don't kick the side panel, ma'am."

Ella swallowed a snicker. "That your professional opinion there, LT?"

"Aye, aye, ma'am," Alenko confirmed.

"Thanks for the advice. Got something a bit more specific for me?"

As the sentinel successfully managed to break his techno-babble down into baby steps for her, Shepard found it easier to stay focused than she'd expected. Knock on wood, Murphy seemed to be leaving her alone for a moment. Her girls were both still standing, no hostiles were approaching, Fredricks was stable and reasonably alert, and the bomb wasn't blowing up just 'cause she'd touched it.  _Holy crap, Meghan's 2iC might be my new personal hero. Man stays calm in a crisis._

After finally disconnected some wiry thing she didn't recognize from some orange display unit that was even less familiar looking, she heard a grunt from Fredricks float over the crates between them, where he'd been monitoring the bomb's signal on his 'tool ever since he'd woken up and been appraised of the situation. "Nicely done, ma'am," he called out softly in relief.

"Would it make you too uncomfortable, Lieutenant, if I offered to have your babies for you? Brilliant dark-haired rug-rats running around would probably be good for the rest of the galaxy."

"Um. I'm sure my mother would approve, but I'll have to get back to you on that. Ma'am."

"Hear that, Shepards?" Ella laughed in relief. "His mom would like me. And my mother would've loved you, Lieutenant. Thank you."

Alexis' voice piped up over the radio finally. "That's fucking great, Bravo. Now if you're done with the lieutenant, maybe he can move his ass over here and make sure I didn't break anything."

"Shit, yeah, don't let my impending fiery doom get in the way of fixing your nails or anything," Ella muttered, trying not to worry about whatever Lex might have done to herself.  _Hope he's as good a medic as he is a tech._

"Now that we've established the commander's and the lieutenant's engagement... what say we complete our mission and get the hell off this rock?" Meghan interjected.

"The private and I aren't likely to be going anywhere without a stretcher and an extra set of hands, but I can take a look around while I wait for the cavalry." Ella considered the piles of crates surrounding her with a sigh. "Shipping warehouse and all. Check in when you find something. Bravo out."

Shepard stood up, rotating her neck and stretching her shoulders before checking on Fredricks. Who had passed out again.  _That is definitely not good._  She turned away from the private and started walking the perimeter of the warehouse, checking for, well, anything, as she switched channels on her comm. "Bravo to Normandy."  _Shit, let this not be a bad idea. Next rotation I'm taking a proper CLS course. I hate having to rely on his suit's computer. I hate computers._

" _Normandy_  receiving, Bravo." The smart-ass pilot's voice interrupted her wallowing. "Why are you breaking my lovely peaceful comm silence early, ma'am?"

"Requesting med-evac,  _Normandy_. Got a marine in full-suit lockdown."

"En route, Commander." The hint of a teasing drawl disappeared, as she finally heard Joker's professional voice aimed in her direction. "CMO Chakwas confirms med-team preparing for pick-up. Is your location secure?"

"To the best of my knowledge,  _Normandy_ ," Shepard answered as she finished her walk around the warehouse, back by the bomb and the distressingly quiet Fredricks. "If we're lucky, I'll have found a box full of Prothean tech by the time you get here, and you can pick that up too."

"Good luck, Commander. ETA in 15.  _Normandy_  out."

* * *

Meghan Shepard stared down at the plassteel crate that held a piece of what they'd been sent for. It had to just be a piece. There was no way this  _segment_  was the whole beacon. "Williams, help me get it out of this thing."

"Uh, you sure, Commander? I don't think we should touch it."

"Trust me, Chief. I know what I'm doing. I'm the closest thing to a Prothean expert we have at the moment. If my men died for some piece of shit hunk of metal that doesn't work, I want to know now." The two women reached into the crate and lifted the heavy piece of technology free of its trappings and gently laid it down on the metal flooring of the dock. Shepard circled the metal wedge-shaped device examining it as closely as she could while standing. While she'd never even seen one of these outside of artists' renderings, she could guess where it might've attached to the other pieces. But something wasn't right.

"Somehow, I thought it'd be bigger," Williams quipped as both women stared down at the wedge shaped piece.

"I think this is only part of it," Meghan answered, her hands on her hips staring down at the device.

"They didn't say anything about it being divided," Williams pointed out.

"Since when do eggheads tell us grunts a damned thing, Chief?"

Crouching down, Meghan tilted the piece to try to see what had caught her eye as movement near the base. She yanked her glove off and ran her fingers down one of the smooth sides of the wedge that must've been the base of the device. She could only guess at how the technology she was looking at was supposed to be designed, but there sure wasn't any way this ugly blackish disc thing was part of the original design. "Williams, get over here. I need you to see this and go find my CO, Commander Alexis Shepard."

Williams squatted down to look at the small round disk attached to the lower side of one the legs of the tripod. It was about three inches in diameter with a blinking green light in the center. "Memorize it, Williams. I need you to go tell Shepard every detail you can."

"Why don't you just comm her, ma'am?" Williams asked, looking back up at Meghan.

She shook her head, "I'm no tech, but that sure as hell looks like a transmitter to me. Doubt comms are safe."

Williams looked back down at the device, "Is your CO really named 'Shepard', too?"

Meghan Shepard laughed, "Our Flight OIC is also named Shepard. And we're all LtCs. Makes it interesting." Williams shook her head and went back to studying the device.

Shepard commed her fellow commanders, "Alpha, Bravo, this is Charlie, come in."

Alexis' voice came through, "Roger Charlie." Ella followed with a brief, "Bravo, here."

Meghan cleared her throat, "Found our target, though it seems to be only one piece. Someone took our toy apart."

Ella made a frustrated sound, "Broke it into bits, more likely. Found one here, too."

 _Great, all three pieces probably have that thing on them._  "Need a 20 on Alpha. Sending the chief 'round for tea. She tells a lovely story about colonial life." Meghan looked over a Williams to make sure she was getting the transmission. Williams nodded.

Alexis sounded annoyed, but said, "Roger, Charlie. We're at the eastern most terminal. Make sure the chief brings the good linens. We might have some surprise guests."

"You heard the woman, Chief. Get going. And watch yourself. Charlie, Out." Williams took off and headed east. Meghan crouched and studied the device as closely as she could without touching it. She wished she'd thought to ask Alexis to send the Lieutenant over instead of sending the chief to her, but it was all water under the bridge and Meghan was left alone to try to study the thing as best she could. She flared open her Omni-tool to try to record as much of her piece of the thing as possible. She only hoped Alenko and Ella had the same thought. Telling them to do so might be too much of a tip off if that thing was recording.

* * *

Alexis Shepard stared at the large crate in the center of the platform as she and Alenko waited on Meghan's Chief to arrive. The crate itself was more long than wide, with its lid displaced and tossed haphazardly to the side. Jutting from the interior was a metallic spindled end of what the two of them had guessed was part of the fractured beacon. Truthfully, it looked like some kind of fancy skewer from what she could tell.

With a quiet sigh, she glanced back towards the ramp that had led down to this large, open platform, in hopes that Williams would arrive suddenly. Except the ramp was as vacant as they had found them after the bombs had been diffused. Shepard hated waiting, and her lack of patience was only exacerbated by the incessant throbbing in her right shoulder. It wasn't broken, but Alenko had said Dr. Chakwas would need to look at it to make sure nothing else had been damaged. Plus the adrenaline from the combat had worn off some time ago, and she really begun to feel where that robot had thrashed her about afterwards. It was hard to keep from wincing when she moved at this point,

"How are you feeling, ma'am?" the lieutenant asked. He hadn't spoken much since he had looked over her injury after diffusing the bomb. She had just wanted to make sure nothing was broken in her arm, so after he confirmed that much for her, she had quickly refused any sort of painkillers. She was fairly certain she caught a slight look of disapproval on his face, but she did not need to impede her ability to think with drugs at the moment. Not when, at the time, they had no idea what more lay ahead.

"Better than my shotgun," she said a bit glibly, referring to the weapon that still lay in pieces back where she was forced to drop it to keep from getting squished by that geth. He did not seem amused though. "I've dealt with worse. Don't worry about me."

"We've not had any enemy contacts in some time, ma'am."

"That doesn't mean more didn't miss their flight, Lieutenant."

He chuckled, "True, ma'am. But I think we're safe for now."

Alexis struggled to suppress the shiver that masculine sound gave her, her mind flashing back to Meg's fireside image.  _I'm so going to kill her. Slowly._  "Even so, we've got company headed our way that I need to not be incapacitated for. I expect Commander Shepard didn't send her chief this way to watch me drool."

"Any idea what could be so important as to not mention it over the comms?" he asked.

She shook her head slightly. "Not the faintest idea. But the Commander's paranoia is normally well founded. I'm certain this won't be an exception."

"Huh. Normal paranoia? Not a bad trait for our line of work. Might be a bit hard to deal with... personally though." He glanced at her sidelong.

 _What the hell is he getting at?_  "Commander Shepard has reasons for her paranoia, Lieutenant."

"How long have you worked with the commander, Commander?" He shook his head ruefully. "Wow, that's going to get awkward, fast."

 _Is he fishing for information on Meghan? Why? He's not ... does she have an admirer? What the hell, I'm not jealous of Meg am I? That's just not... she deserves to be happy._ "The other commanders and I have known each other since before the academy. The instructors had a field day with three Shepards in one class."

"Were you all in N training together as well?"

 _153 days._ Without fail, the slightest mention of N training brought back  _those_  153 days. Something she definitely did not need weighing down on her right now. "Yes, we were. We've been through a lot together," she replied quietly.

"Commander Shepard?" an alto voice called out suddenly from the direction of the ramp.

More than a little grateful for the interruption, Alexis turned to see a female marine clad in white and pink armor heading towards them. _I still can't figure out if they manufacture that Phoenix shit as some kind of twisted joke, or because some women are that insecure about themselves as soldiers._  "Chief Williams?" she asked as she moved to meet the marine.

"Yes, ma'am." The dark haired woman glanced around unobtrusively but Alexis could see her sharp brown eyes didn't miss a detail.

"So tell me, Chief, what's so important that the commander felt it necessary to send you on foot to report in?"

"Commander Shepard," the Chief's voice wavered, realizing she was facing another Commander Shepard, "sent to me to tell you to look on the Prothean thing. There's a small device that shouldn't be there." She described the circular attachment in as much detail as she could remember.

Alenko's eyes widened. "I think I've seen that. I didn't know Commander Shepard was a Prothean expert."

Alexis shook her head, "She's not. She's got a degree in Xenosociology, though. She's as close as we can get without running back to camp for the scientists."

Alenko had already turned back to the device, his 'tool lit. "I'll start a scan. See what I can make of it."

Leaving the lieutenant to his work, Shepard turned her attention back to the chief. "Was there anything else that the commander needed?"

"No, ma'am," Williams replied.

"Then go find LtC Ella Shepard, Chief, and relay to her exactly what you told me," Shepard ordered in a clipped tone.  _These fucking things keep getting worse_.  _I don't like Meghan being alone, but Ella needs to know._ She glanced back towards Alenko and found that he had moved closer to the large crate. He must be trying to get a better read on that disc.

"Um, where..." Williams began.

"Is there a problem, Chief?" Shepard asked sharply as she noticed that the marine was still standing in front of her..  _Why the hell isn't she gone yet?_

The marine shifted uncomfortably in front of Shepard. "I'm not sure..."

"What the hell..." Alenko started in surprise. Shepard quickly spun around in time to see the lieutenant hunched over as the spired end of the beacon began emanating an odd green glow. Darting over to him, she grabbed him about the waist, ignoring the sharp twinge of pain that ran down her arm, and did her best to throw him aside.

Her ears popped as a wave of brilliant green energy flashed around her before she found herself being jerked violently up and back. Agony wracked through her body as a loud screeching sound of metal against metal filled her mind.  _Flesh, wires, circuitry. A metallic carapace._ Images flashed rapidly through her mind, like a searing brand, the metallic screaming rising in volume.  _Synthetics. Geth?_ Countless depictions of metal twisting, merging with organic tissue.  _A massive dreadnought_.  _Destruction. Perfection._  The shrill noise reached a crescendo, and then everything stopped as the world faded to black.

* * *

_Hovering over Fredricks is not likely to help. Something useful and distracting, huh. Might as well look for the Prothean shit. If I were a valuable piece of alien technology, where would I be packed?_

"In the giant bright yellow crate with a crooked lid sitting right next to the bomb, rather than the thousands of sealed grey ones everywhere else, of course," Ella Shepard muttered to herself. "I'm an idiot."

 _I am a professional marine. I will not stomp and sulk across the floor because I'm having a crappy day. I can pretend to have some pride left._  Even walking quietly, she could hear her boots hitting the metal floor as she paced cautiously over to the shipping container. Unlike the rest of the crates, this one was striped in bright yellow, with some corporate logo she didn't recognize stamped on each end.  _ExG?_

 _What the fuck is this thing?_ There was an odd curving contrast to the two-tone metal on the long, oval structure in the box, and through the layers on the side she could see faint blue lines that failed to look like any pattern she could recognize. There was a large crack running down the front, and while the section at the end of the crate widened like some sort of base, the bottom was ragged rather than smooth.  _Separated for transit my ass, this looks like it was broken. And it's definitely weird enough to be Prothean._ Shepard stepped back, unable to avoid a slight sigh of relief, now that she'd found the thing and help was on its way.

 _And now Meg's being all cryptic,_ Shepard thought after Charlie and Alpha finished avoiding a normal conversation over the comms.  _The good news just keeps on coming, today. Not that I know what else has gone wrong. Yet._  She scowled at the crate, trying to decide if she wanted to take another look or wait for help.  _I can wait. Wait, wait wait._

_Patience is a virtue._

_Waiting is boring._

Shepard tapped her foot a few times, trying not to count the passing seconds in her head.

_I am not virtuous._

Peering back into the crate, she pushed some of the white packing material out of the way to get a closer look. And discovered something that definitely wasn't Prothean. Hiding under the cracked edge of the base was a round black disc, with a small green light flashing in the middle. And the flashing looked like it was speeding up.

 _Crap. Can I start today over, really? 'Cause this is just fucking unbelievable._  Slowly pulling her hand out of the packaging, Shepard started backing carefully away from the crate and its creepy contents.

A bright green vortex flashed out of the box, her nerve ends flaring in shock as the field picked her up, pulling her body painfully, impossibly, in every direction at once. Space filled her mind until she could see nothing else, one bright star shining through the darkness. She tried to focus on the sun, ignoring the screams of rage and defiance echoing between her ears. Flashes of red light bled across her vision, obscuring the star. The world jerked as pain radiated down her spine, and an odd metallic circle spun through the shadows before her. And then the brightness disappeared completely, covered by the black of deepest space. The chill invaded her bones, the ache intense enough to overwhelm the sharper pain of yanked limbs and muscles, her mind succumbing to cold despair with one last shudder before she fell, the darkness of simple unconsciousness warm and cozy in comparison.

* * *

Meghan Shepard took her helmet off and lay down next to the device to try to get a better look at the blinking attachment. Adrenaline pumped into her veins and her heart began to pound as she noticed the green light flashing faster and faster. She quickly reached for her helmet, hoping it would shield her against whatever bomb blast that thing had to be. She never reached the piece of equipment.

Green light enveloped her and pain lanced through every cell of her body as she arched her back against the deck, teeth gritted against a scream. The sky above disappeared and was replaced by a wasteland. Meghan stood alone on a glassy plain. Was this Eden Prime in some far future? Or near future? The ground warped painfully and she blinked. And opened her eyes to broken and twisted towers below her. She seemed to be standing at or near the top of the tallest tower looking down on charred corpses and mangled bodies. Her people, dead. She turned, pain lanced through her again and she screamed silently as images of people, everyone she'd ever met, lay dead and bleeding. Akuze, gunfire, smoke, explosions, pain! Memories merged with the images and Anderson, her Shepards, Alenko, even that smart assed pilot and the newly met chief all lay at her feet, dead, broken, burnt. Familiar hands gripped her waist and chocolate brown eyes stared down into hers, glassed over in death, the full lips twisted in a grimace of agony, blood fountaining from his mouth.

She tried to put him back together, she tried, but she had to leave she had to protect...

Agony screamed through her muscles again and shot through her mind. One thought raced through clearly,  _save Hicks!_ Blackness overtook her and there was no more pain, no more fear. Just nothing.


	10. Interlude: Indoctrination

Matriarch Benezia stood straight and tall, hands clasped in front of her stomach as she looked down at Saren's still form. He was resting after the trauma of accessing the beacon's visions; doing it remotely had been quite the stroke of genius.

_I wonder how he knew how to do that? How did he access Prothean technology? How did he know the beacon would work with those transmitters? Even Li - ..._

Her thoughts trailed off, her curiosity a distant concern. She could dimly recall being more driven, once. Having determination of her own, making her own plans and decisions. Now, however, she was only worried about what she had to do for the turian before her. When Saren woke, she would have to tell him. Tell him that the bombs hadn't gone off, that the beacon hadn't been destroyed after he triggered the transmission. That everyone in Council space would shortly know about the geth. And S - their ship. Even the beacon. That  _humans_ had apparently accessed the message as well, though she had no idea how much they'd seen, or understood.

_Maybe these Shepards will learn, will be able to ..._

She couldn't finish the thought. She couldn't recall the sensation of hope, anticipation. All she could do was prepare. For Saren.


	11. All Hands

The first thing Meghan Shepard became aware of was pain. Every muscle in her body hurt. Her head was throbbing. The second was that her mouth tasted like a locker room floor and old gym socks. The third was Lieutenant Alenko's delicious baritone. "Doctor! Doctor Chakwas, I think they're waking up!"

At the sound of her Lieutenant's voice, Meghan groggily opened her eyes and pushed herself up on her elbows. Pain stabbed through her head and she was immediately glad the medbay was dimly lit. She glanced over and saw both Ella and Alexis sitting up with similar groggy expressions.

Doctor Chakwas crossed in front of Meghan's field of vision, "The three of you had us worried there. How are you all feeling?"

As Meghan said, "Like I've been ridden hard and put away wet." Ella said, at the same time, "Like the morning after shore leave." And Alexis, stoic as ever, said, "Minor throbbing. Nothing serious. How long were we out?" Kaidan stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed. Meghan wasn't sure, but he seemed to be trying to keep his face carefully blank.

Doctor Chakwas answered Alexis' question, "About fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon, I think."

The lieutenant spoke up before any of them could reply, "It's my fault. I must've triggered some sort of security field when I scanned it. The disc started transmitting, and then ..." He looked then, at Alexis, "You had to push me out of the way."

Alexis shook her head, "You had no way to know what would happen." Was it Meghan's imagination, or did the LT just smile shyly at his XO? A small surge of envy raced through Meghan before she could squash it and she missed most of the rest of the conversation. Alexis deserved to be happy, especially after that jackass she'd been engaged to back at the Academy.

"How's Fredricks?" Ella's sharp question interrupted Meghan's wandering thoughts.

"Stable," the doctor's calm voice replied. "His surgery was successful, and he's resting in the medical pod, now." Chakwas gestured slightly to the back of the med-bay. "He should be fine, Commander, though he'll be on medical leave for awhile."

"That's good to hear. We don't need to lose any more soldiers." Meghan's voice sounded hollow to her own ears. She couldn't think of what she should have done differently, but McKean's and Tremaine's deaths were on her hands anyway.

The Old Man stalked in, dismissing the lieutenant and the doctor before turning to the commanders of the ground teams. "Sounds like the beacon hit the three of you pretty hard. Are you sure you're all right?"

Meghan heard the echo of her own murmured assurances coming from Alexis and Ella. Anderson continued, "I won't lie to you, Commanders. Things look bad. Nihlus is dead. The beacon was destroyed and geth are invading. The Council's going to want answers."

Ella protested, "The geth would've wiped out the whole damn colony if we hadn't stopped them! We lost four soldiers on this clusterfuck of a mission!" Belatedly, she added, "Sir."

The captain looked at each of them in turn, "I'll stand behind you and your teams, Commanders. All three of you are damned heroes in my book. That's not why I'm here. It's Saren, the other turian." Meghan listened with half an ear to the rest of the debrief, Ella's "clusterfuck" comment ringing in her ears. Had there been better ways to do what they'd had to get done? Could they have avoided the deaths of their marines? Been more careful?

Meghan slumped on her examination table when they were finally all three alone. Akuze. McKean, Tremaine. When would every mission stop reminding her? Why had her brain tried to use Akuze to make sense of the visions? The Lieutenant had given her a kind smile as he left, but he'd given her Shepards a similar smile, too. Though maybe it had been a degree or three warmer for Lex.

"You know, Meg," Alexis started, absently rubbing at her left temple as she sat on her exam table still. "I really do need to thank you."

Startled, Meghan raised her eyes to Alexis, "What for?"

"For sending the lieutenant with me. I must say that man is  _exceptionally_  talented."

Meghan blinked, Alexis' pretty face was utterly blank, though Ella's sudden coughing fit from her perch across the room sounded suspiciously like muffled laughter. "Uh, you're welcome?"

Ignoring Meg's half question, Alexis continued, "It's not just his combat prowess I'm speaking about. Let's just say that it'd be hard pressed to find something his hands weren't good with."

Meghan stared at Alexis, momentarily at a loss for words as the memories of Akuze and the disastrous mission were suddenly chased out of her mind by thoughts of her lieutenant's long fingers. She grinned at Lex as her composure reasserted itself. "Have a lot of opportunities to test those hands, did you?"

Alexis cracked a grin in Meg's direction. "Maybe. I mean, I did need to ensure he could perform well under pressure." She paused a moment. "I bet his biotics make things much more interesting. Imagine the energy, dancing across his fingers..."

Again, the image of those long, strong fingers flashed through Meghan's imagination, an idle part of her wondering about the contrast of his dark hands against her much paler skin. She grinned at Lex to hide how much the other woman's words were playing through her mind. "Get a nice  _long_ chance to test that, Shepard?"

Alexis half shrugged, careful to not move her right shoulder much. "I think it merits further testing."

Meghan's laugh was short and brittle, "I'm glad you'll have that chance."

"No wallowing allowed, or I'll start doing it too." Ella interrupted. "You're just hungry." Her stomach rumbled, as if to emphasize her point. "As am I. We'll feel better after food. Hopefully."

"Damn, and here I was just going to tell her what she was missing out with how her lieutenant smells. All sweat and ozone," Alexis paused again as if contemplating it herself. "But, sure, let's talk about food instead."

Meghan stared at Lex, "Exactly how close did you get to my lieutenant out there, Commander?"

Alexis gave Meghan a flat, serious look as she hopped down from the exam table. "Sorry, Commander, I'm not in the business of kissing and telling."

"Yes, you are." Ella managed to sound indignant. "To us, anyway."

"Oh, no you don't. You don't get to drop that bombshell on me and take off. Spill it, Shepard." Meghan demanded, grabbing Lex's arm.

Grimacing slightly, Alexis attempted to wrest her injured arm gently from the other woman's grasp. "What's the matter, Meg? Jealous that I may have beat you to the punch?"

Meghan yanked her hands away in apology, "Oops, sorry, Lex, forgot for a minute." Meghan hopped down off her own table and struck a pose: one hand on her hip, the other raised dramatically and one leg cocked. She dropped her hand as if showing off her body, "Like  _you_  could compete with  _this_." She held the serious expression until she met Lex's eyes and they both burst out laughing. They were all still stuck in the form fitting, leave-absolutely-nothing-to-the-imagination body-stocking that went under their armor. Meghan froze as a thought struck her. "Oh, God."

"What?"

"It's cold in here."

Lex gave Meghan a questioning look for a moment before she began cursing. "Is Murphy trying to destroy any shred of respect we have left?"

"Well, I've got to hand it to Alenko. If he looked, I didn't catch him. But damn, I feel like I've got a fucking sign on my chest, now." Meghan crossed her arms over her breasts for an uncomfortable moment before letting them flop back down to her sides. "Fuck it. I'm hungry. If anyone so much as blinks at them, I'll show them how I kicked our hand-to-hand instructors' asses in N school."

"What if it's  _your_  lieutenant?" Lex asked with a smirk.

"Hey, don't I get a crack at him too?" Ella interrupted. "Maybe he doesn't like blondes, either of you ever think of that?"

Meghan snorted, then grinned at Ella. "He may not even like women. Hell of a waste in that case." To Alexis she said, "I'll let him win. He can even pin me." They all laughed. Her brooding having been joked out of her, she walked to the door and waved them toward her, "Allow me to introduce you to our autochef, Julia. Since we only have ten minutes to grab food and get dressed before have to haul ass to the bridge, that is."

"Julia, really?" Ella hopped off her bunk. "As in Child? Someone named the 'chef after Julia Child? Please let that mean it makes boeuf bourguignon. I may never leave the mess again."

"It wasn't named that way out of affection, Ella... it's ironic." Meghan finished to the closing door, Ella having bounced out without hearing her. The commander grinned and shrugged; she'd find out soon enough.

"Comman … " Joker glanced up from the mug in front of him, his voice trailing off as his eyes opened wide, his scowl transforming into a smirk at the sight of the trio exiting the med-bay.

"Eyes up and mouth shut, Moreau, or I'm going to stomp on your toes," Ella snarled, barely glancing at the man as she marched toward the autochef.

"Glad you're all up and about, Commanders," Joker suggested, his eyes pointed all the way up towards the ceiling, though his grin hadn't faded in the slightest. "And my toes thank you for your restraint, ma'am."

"You're not so good at the mouth shut part, are you?" Williams said, frowning at the pilot.

"Not usually worth the effort, Chief."

"Someday you'll piss the wrong person off, Joker," Alenko suggested quietly.

"Already did that, Lieutenant," Ella's voice drifted over from the 'chef. "Why do you think Naismith got to fly us into the Citadel?" She turned around and glanced at the soldiers sitting at the table. "Though, I'm impressed you told the Captain, Moreau, as I didn't have a chance to before we shipped out."

"I would like to get my ship back sooner rather than later, ma'am. Pissing you off again? Not likely to help. Unless you like being bitchy. I can oblige, if that's really what you want." Joker's eyes had abandoned the ceiling, though he avoided any more overt gawking.

Meghan snorted, "Charming as usual, Ella?"

"Who me?" Ella turned around and grabbed a bowl of brown, stew-like food before heading over to the table. "I'm never charming. You're the only people who put up with me without my having to resort to threats and guns." She shot a grin at Lex and Meg before she sat down.

"They're going to need to blow off some steam," Alexis whispered in Meghan's ear, careful to avoid the spot which would make Meghan jump like a scalded cat. "Which might be tricky with their XO standing over them. I'm going to go check on our ETA. Grab me a power bar?"

Grabbing several protein bars, Meghan tossed two over to Lex before sitting down next to Ella, "That's because we're saints, you know."

"I was going to go with lunatics, myself, but whatever helps you sleep at night." Ella nodded farewell to the departing Shepard with a grin. Turning back to the table, Meg noticed the Lieutenant's eyes following Alexis all the way to the turn to the elevator before returning to the noodle-filled bowl in front of him; the 'chef apparently made a decent ramen.  _Hmm... checking her out? Or professional paranoia?_

Ella had been unwrapping her plastic utensils as Alexis left, and audibly sighed when she finally got her spoon free, plunging it into her bowl and taking a giant bite. She immediately dropped her spoon and clapped her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide as she made a smothered gagging sound.

Meghan leaned back in her chair and laughed until tears ran down her cheeks. She whooped for air and could not stop laughing. "I - I told you, I fucking told you!" She managed to gasp out.

"Are you alright ma'am?" Williams leaned forward, her tone serious, but her lips twitching as she tried not to respond to Meghan's laughter.

"We've all had to throw something out, Commander," Alenko offered sympathetically.

"This is what you get when you don't listen to me, Shepard," Meghan told Ella as she crumpled one of her wrappers.

The brunette held up a hand, and visibly winced as she finally swallowed her food. "When?" She glared at Meghan and back to her bowl. "When did you fucking warn me that some sadist named the damned 'chef after my favorite cook ever?"

Meghan crossed her arms, a grin still playing about her lips. She met Ella's brown eyes, "About five minutes ago when you waved me off. And it wasn't just any sadist," she jerked her thumb in Joker's direction. "It was your pilot."

Ella turned her glare towards Joker. "What the hell is wrong with you, Moreau? Naming that... thing after Julia Child?" Meghan glanced at Williams who just looked confused at the by-play. She was the new kid on the block, after all. Alenko, however, seemed to have gotten the joke and met Meghan's eyes, a grin playing about his lips. Meghan felt her grin widen in response.

"By the way, I don't recommend the nachos," Meghan suggested slyly. Alenko coughed a laugh into his hand. Ella snorted before turning her attention back to the pilot.

"Have you seen her attempt to bone a duck? Or the time she completely failed to flip some fancy egg dish? It's hysterical." Joker defended himself. "Besides, most people don't actually try and eat the really bad ones. I can't believe you didn't just spit it back into the bowl."

"Fucking hell, I'm a good soldier, I always swallow!" Ella stated indignantly.

Meghan choked on the bite of protein bar in her mouth as she tried to laugh and chew at the same time. "Holy shit, Shepard, you're priceless," she gasped out.

Ella ignored Meghan's sputtering, Alenko's blush, and Williams' quiet snicker in favor of glaring at Joker instead. "You are not allowed to think about what I just said. Not one, single, solitary comment. Consider that your punishment for inflicting Julia on an unsuspecting command staff."

"Aye, Commander," Joker grinned. "Though, now that we've got such an informal relationship, I've got a question for you."

"Yes?" Ella asked suspiciously, eyebrows raised as she pushed her bowl away from her.

"Step five." He shrugged. "I'm dying of curiosity."

"Me, too," Meghan said, her eyebrows raised.

Ella snorted. "You didn't hear steps one through four, Shepard. You're just nosey." Meghan chuckled. Ella turned back to Joker. "Your cobbler."

He blinked at her. "My what?"

"Your boots. Obviously not standard Alliance issue. Look like custom work. Great stitching across the heels. Where do you get them?"

"You want to know where I get my boots?" Joker repeated slowly.

"What? I'm a girl, I like shoes." Ella shrugged.

"Is that a requirement for getting my wings back ma'am?" He asked.

"No." Ella shook her head slightly. "I'm just nosey too."

Meghan laughed again and stood up, popping the last of her bar in her mouth. "Try not to kill him, Shepard. Alenko? Williams? With me."

The two other marines stood and followed their CO. When they got into the elevator, Meghan took the opportunity to ask, "Ever been to the Citadel?"

Alenko rubbed his chin and Meghan found herself avidly watching his long fingers, Alexis' words playing through her mind. "I've never had the opportunity, ma'am." Meghan shivered and yanked her eyes back to the front. Alexis was going to  _pay_.

"I've always been posted groundside, ma'am. I haven't been there either," Williams offered.

Meghan smirked, "Good, we can all look like gawking tourists together." She cleared her throat, "I suggest we suit up and get ready for our grand appearance then. I have to change into a new one of these, anyway." She plucked her fingers at the dirty one piece she'd worn out of medbay.

The elevator finally stopped and the three marines headed for their respective locker rooms. Williams would get the enviable pleasure of having the Enlisted room to herself, though there would be no assistance to get into her armor. Meghan glanced at Alenko out of the corner of her eye and wondered exactly how awkward it would be to undress next to a man you'd been involuntarily fantasising about five minutes ago.

He stood to one side, bowed his head and swept on arm across his front, indicating she should precede him into the locker room. She hoped he was on a different row, but when he turned to follow her down the same aisle, Meghan's felt her face turn bright red. "You know, I really hate these body suits," she offered, opening her locker.

"They are not easy to get into, that's for certain," he replied and she heard the metallic sound of his locker opening.  _I have to strip down to my skin in front of him? Oh, god. Do it quickly, like ripping off a bandage. And DO NOT look. Shit. What a day to not have shaved._ She quickly stripped out of the old suit, fortunately, they came off easier than they went on.

She gathered up the leggings of the new suit in her hands and shoved her foot into the taut, stretchy fabric. She got the other foot done and had to stand for the rest. She glanced over and saw that Alenko hadn't gotten much further than she and Meghan was treated to a very thorough view of a very stunning ass flexing as he tried to pull up the recalcitrant undergarment. She quickly spun back around, her face even redder than it had been.  _It's the effort at pulling this crap on, that's all it is. Holy hell, that's a sweet ass. Marines. We are marines, not a man and woman, bareassed in a locker room by ourselves._

"Do you really have a 'Semper Fi' tattoo?" From the tone of his voice, he was shocked.  _Oh, shit. He turned around._

Meghan glanced at him over her shoulder, he'd gotten the suit up to his waist. She wrenched her eyes forward when she caught herself checking out the fine dusting of hair across his firm pecs and trailing down his chiseled abs.  _Marines. We are marines! Wait, did_ he _check_ me  _out?_ She stood to pull her suit up over her hips and her tattoo. "Uh, yeah. It was a drunken dare from an old friend. He uh, died on Akuze, so I never got it removed. He got a matching one, sorta. The British Royal marines. It was kinda our little joke."

 _No. Change the subject. Fast._  "You managed to scan your section of the beacon didn't you? You found that round thing, right? I vaguely remember you saying something about it transmitting?"  _At least the arms were easier than the legs. OK, I'm completely covered. Shit. I can't reach the zipper._ Meghan twisted to try to zip up the suit, but she couldn't get hold of the small metal tab.

"Yeah, I don't know what it was transmitting. Or even if was responsible for what hit the three of you. Here, let me get that. You can get mine, next." Calloused fingers pushed Meghan's hands away and Lex's earlier description flashed through her memory.  _I am going to kill that woman._ It didn't help that she had to help him hold the suit together to make the zipper meet, which made certain her hands touched his often. She held a tight reign on her biotics, not wanting to spark. She'd learned, since Akuze, that that was often a misconstrued signal of attraction among biotics of any species.

Grunting as the suit tightened across her breasts, an entirely unsexy feeling that brought her back down to earth quickly, Meghan asked, "You did manage to record what you could, right? I'm pretty sure my 'tool got everything. Even while I was writhing around on the ground."  _Bad choice of words, dammit._

The zipper finally at the top, she turned to see him nod, "I did. Should we set a time for a meeting to go over it?"

She motioned for him to turn around. The open suit gave her a wonderful view of his very muscular back. She rolled her eyes to the ceiling,  _Dear Lord, remove me from temptation. It's been a damned long dry spell._  She cleared her throat and focused on the zipper, trying to also ignore the fact that Lex was right, he did smell good. The burnt ozone and musk of his aftershave mingled with a little bit of sweat from the exertions of getting the ridiculous under armor on combined to make her head spin just a little. She almost reconsidered sparking. She got the zipper halfway up, his hands pushing the fabric together as she'd had to do, when he startled her. "Commander? Would you like to meet later to go over what our 'tools recorded?"

Finally getting the zipper past his shoulder blades, she pulled it the rest of the way up, "Sorry, LT. I was focusing on not catching you."  _Actually, I was focused on not throwing you down on the bench and getting myself brought up on sexual harassment charges while I rode you till your legs stopped working. No man has any right to smell that good. Or to have an ass that, unf. Meg,_ not helping _._ "You'd think they'd finally invent a better way to fasten these things, wouldn't you?"

He turned and shrugged, reaching into his locker for the rest of the armor, "Why fix what isn't broken?"

She laughed, reaching for her own armor, "That is the truth. Let's meet as soon as we're done on the Citadel. Who knows how long this crap will take with the Council?"

He raised his eyebrows at her, "You expecting trouble, ma'am?"

"Bureaucratic wrangling and concession wrenching always takes a while, LT. They'll find a way to screw us with as little lube as possible."

"Poetic, ma'am."

"I try, LT."

"Let's hope they don't do it sideways, then."

"Touche, LT."


	12. The Investigation

Five people and a hover-chair did not fit very well into Citadel elevators. Not even the fancy express one carrying them to the Council Chambers at the top of the Presidium Tower. _Still better than all of us crammed into the Ambassador's office. Jack-ass. Can't believe Udina is our best bet for working with the rest of the galaxy. Man's a moron. I hate politicians._ Ella Shepard's lips twitched as she leaned back slightly in the cramped quarters, listening to Alenko soothe Williams' nerves about the upcoming meeting. The expression on Lex's face when Udina grinned and shook her hand had almost made up for it. _Poor Shepard, she's got a fan._

The doors finally whooshed open, and they all traipsed out into the hallway at the top of the tower. Ella blinked slightly, amazed at the scope of the room opening before them, large enough to have trees, and fountains, and sweeping staircases leading off into the distance. She caught herself gaping, and slammed her mouth shut. _Aaaand, awkward farm-girl upbringing strikes again. There are not supposed to be trees and fountains inside a building. Not even in the giant impossible space-station building._

As she scurried to catch up she saw two turians arguing in front of their party, and arrived in time to hear the tail end of Lex's conversation with the young hot-head who'd been investigating Saren. And apparently hadn't found anything. She glanced at Meghan to gauge her reaction to the police officers. The ex-gang member never had anything good to say about the authorities anywhere she was stationed. That usually included military police.

"Useless," Meg muttered, predictably, "but what can you expect from a damned cop?"

Said C-Sec officer wished them better luck than he'd had and headed on his way. Luckily he didn't seem to have heard Meg... Lex shot a quick glare back at them after he left, however, so she'd obviously picked up on it. Ella gave Meg a poke in the side with her elbow and whispered, "When are you gonna learn to keep your mouth shut, girl?"

"The day after you do, darlin'," Meg batted her lashes, pasting an innocent smile on her face.

Snorting quietly, Ella turned away from her friend to help with Fredricks. "Having fun getting chauffeured around, Private?"

"Not so much, ma'am," his face was even paler than usual beneath his fair hair. "But it's better than the alternative, right?"

"Ooh-rah, Fredricks," she agreed with a slight nod. "Don't worry, we'll find a nice pub to park at after the meeting. I'll even let you buy me lunch."

"And you'll bring your biotic friends? No thanks ma'am." He smiled back, successfully distracted from the challenge of being maneuvered up several flights of stairs. It may have been an anti-grav chair instead of an old-fashioned wheel chair, but that didn't mean it negotiated stairs much better.

"Awful lot of steps," Alenko grunted on the next landing. "Think that's to remind us how small we are on our way up to the Council?"

"They are here to pass judgment on us little people," Williams agreed as she gave the chair a shove. "But it's a great defensive set-up. Maybe the Protheans were worried about their little people revolting?"

"Cut the chatter, marines," Lex snapped quietly, "we've got company."

The Old Man's face was impassive as he watched them fumble their way up the last set of stairs with Fredricks' chair. "The meeting's already started," he snapped, the barest twinkle in his eyes belying his grim tone. _Aw, we make a funny little parade._ Ella nodded seriously back at Captain Anderson, trying not to grin.

Any impulse to amusement was thoroughly squashed by the god-damned useless fucking waste of time known as their meeting with the Council. Even Lex had been driven to swearing at the blatant disregard paid towards every claim they made. Having to watch Udina snipe at Anderson afterwards didn't help things, or improve anyone's mood. _Though watching Anderson snap back wasn't too bad._

"Guess we're not going to get to take you to lunch, Private," Ella sighed once they were crammed back into the elevator.

"I can manage just fine by myself, Commander," Fredricks said. "They've assigned me to the Citadel barracks for med-leave. I can call them if I get stuck somewhere."

"I'll walk you over, Private." Ella insisted. "You can do without me for a bit. Right, Commander?" She glanced over at her XO.

Lex nodded in agreement. "Comm us when you're done, Commander."

"Aye ma'am," Ella grinned at Fredricks. "Let's go, shall we?" She shoved the private out of the elevator, and veered away from the other marines towards the closest transit station.

"I can move the chair myself, ma'am," Fredricks said quietly after she'd gone a few steps.

"I know that, Fredricks, but it's not a good idea to spend time with a bored vanguard. Gotta give me something to do, or I might break something. Or someone."

Fredricks' slight laugh ended in a wince. "Stop being funny, Commander. It hurts."

"Who me? I'm never funny. Very serious. All the time. No sense of humor."

"Ow, ow, ow," Fredricks wheezed, "You're evil. Ma'am."

"Glad you noticed." Shepard nodded. "Wouldn't want to ruin my reputation. Grr, argh, and all that."

"Please stop," he gasped.

"Stopping," she promised as she slid them into the next train car and parked his chair. She grabbed the loop hanging from the ceiling to steady herself, and stared at the map on the wall to make sure she had some idea when to get off the damn thing.

"If Doctor Chakwas yells at me for straining myself after my surgery, I am sicing her on you, Commander," Fredricks threatened once he caught his breath.

"Aw, the big bad marine's scared of one little lady doctor?" Shepard teased.

"Damn straight. Aren't you?"

Shepard paused in thought. "You know, you've got a point. Bad to have the sawbones mad at you." _Or the medic,_ she recalled sadly, remembering Caprone's light brown eyes narrowed in anger after Torfan. "Doctors frequently aren't too fond of me, however."

"Can't imagine why," Fredricks suggested, eyes wide as he tried not to start laughing again. "Bet you're the worst patient in the corps."

"I am n - " Ella stopped. "Yeah, you're right, I'm pretty awful. Cannot handle staying still for more than about 2 seconds."

There was the slightest of pauses before Fredricks piped up again, "it's been two seconds, ma'am. Should I warn the other passengers regarding your likely attack of the crazies?"

"Ha ha, Private. You're getting very mouthy. Whatever happened to that nice quiet boy I met before planet-fall?"

Fredricks shrugged uncomfortably. "Got blown up, ma'am."

Ella closed her eyes briefly, feeling the sway of the train around them. _Open mouth, insert foot. Someday I will actually think before I talk._ "Yes, you did, private. Sorry about that."

"Not your fault. Didn't switch positions soon enough."

"You did just fine, Private. I've known seasoned marines who don't stay as cool under fire as you did." She leaned around his chair to smile at him. "Kept me alive."

"You're welcome, ma'am," he mumbled, a blush rising across his face. "So, what's it really like then, N training?" His voice cracked out the moment she straightened up, apparently trying to change the subject as thoroughly as possible.

"Well, you know how in combatives during basic they hit you in the head to make sure you can handle getting hit in the head?"

Fredricks snorted softly at her description, but nodded slightly.

"The first phase of N training is like that, only there are more of them hitting you, and they hit harder. For 18 months."

"The first phase?"

"Well, you're an N1 if you graduate from the program. N2 - N6 are all earned in by fieldwork and standing straight in front of your review boards, and N7... requires you go back and have scarier people tailor a particularly nasty way to hit you for another six months."

"So, how do you get in?"

"Normally, you submit an app, and get interviewed and run around in circles a lot. If you're a Shepard, you know a guy who forces in your application behind your back," Ella snorted.

"Huh?"

"The powers that be had Lex on PR duty, and thought Meg and I were the unstable version of crazy, so we were all likely to be stuck in crap rotations for the rest of time. Captain Anderson, however, felt we were being wasted, and pulled some strings, and apparently yelled a lot behind closed doors, and shoved us all into N training whether we wanted to go or not. Luckily, we wanted."

"How'd the Captain know you?"

"He does a special forces program every few years at the Academy. Likes to keep an eye on the new recruits. And actually reads the mission briefings rather then just listening to scuttlebutt and news reports. He's good people." Her voice dropped slightly, quiet and serious as she finished. "Remarkable man, the captain."

"Ooh-rah," Fredricks answered softly.

"Well," Ella continued brightly after a moment, trying to dispel the mood. "Looks like q&a time's over with. We're here."

"Yeah," Fredricks answered dourly. "Inprocessing. Fun."

Ella snorted in agreement. "Ah well, the galaxy runs on red tape. Let's go get it over with."

* * *

"Harkin's a human C-Sec officer. If you need help trying to locate the officer who was investigating Saren, he's your best bet. You can probably find him carousing with the locals at a dive in the Lower Wards called Chora's Den," Anderson had advised them. Granted, that was the better part of the Old Man's "endorsement". He had several less than pleasing remarks for what to expect from both Harkin and Chora's.

_Too bad we don't have any other option for tracking down this Officer Vakarian,_ Alexis thought to herself as Ella took leave of their small group with the injured Fredricks, while the rest of them made their way towards the Lower Wards elevator in the Presidium. One benefit of travelling in a small pack of armored, and armed marines, people cleared the path, making it much easier to move. _We should have just told him to stick around for the hearing._

The only diversion was when Meghan had noticed some turian arguing with one of those giant floating Hanar. Her green eyes lit up with intrigue, and maybe a touch of mischief. "You can meddle in their affairs if they're still around later, Commander," Alexis told the other blonde as she continued towards the elevator junction.

"It would have only taken a minute," Meghan protested slightly as the group turned the corner and began to wait on the elevator to arrive.

"I've heard a Hanar talk before. It never takes a minute when they are involved," Alexis replied as a soft chime indicated that the elevator was now on their level. She ignored the overdramatic sigh from her fellow Shepard as the doors opened, and the marines filed into the lift, Alenko and Williams taking position behind the two Commanders.. A few moments later, the machine lurched softly as they descended into the depths of the Citadel.

"How's the shoulder?" Meghan asked after several moments of silence.

"Stiff as hell," Alexis said as she rotated it slightly, pain lancing briefly through her arm.

"That'll teach you to use it as a battering ram," Meghan chided, the slightest hint of amusement hidden in her voice.

Alexis scoffed slightly, turning to face her friend better. "All you took on was three drill sergeants. And if I recall, none of them had cannons strapped to their arms that could punch a hole through a wall."

Meghan shrugged."No, but they could bench-press me. Took them to school, though. Didn't fuck up my shoulder doing it either."

Despite the perceived dig, Alexis knew a compliment from Meghan when she heard it. Still, she kept her face neutral as they spoke. "The next time we see one of those big guys, I'll let you dance with it instead. See if you can manage better."

"No problem. Hell, I'll bet a krogan battlemaster is tougher than one of those tin cans," Meghan boasted, placing her hands on her hips.

"I'm not taking that bet," Alexis said, shaking her head.

"Why not?" Meghan demanded as the elevator stopped, and the doors slid quietly open.

"Wait, which drill instructors?" Alenko suddenly asked, startling Alexis. Both he and Williams had been quiet so far that she had almost forgotten they were standing there.

She quickly stepped out of the elevator, wondering at her jumpiness, and paused briefly to look at Meghan. "I learned long ago never to bet with you, Shepard," she reminded the other woman before heading down the hallway.

"Michaelson, Vega, and Ivanov," Meghan said, turning to look at the lieutenant.

The others fell in step behind Alexis. "I've heard of them. Big guys. Very good. Scary," Williams voice carried over the clamor of other conversations in the corridor.

"Chicken," Meghan called out. She then took several hurried steps in order to fell in step beside the other Commander. "Ah, well, you still owe me money, anyway. And yes, Williams, they were fucking giants."

Alexis rolled her eyes slightly as they neared the next elevator. "I'll pay up once you stop ruining my civvies on every leave."

The doors to the elevator opened, and Alexis stepped in and off to the side as the others filed in. Alenko and Wlliams moved to the back of the elevator, Alenko watching Meghan as he waited for the rest of the story, Williams trying to not to laugh. Is he interested in Meghan or just the story? "How'd you beat them?" Alenko prompted.

"That last set wasn't my fault," Meghan started as the doors closed behind her, and the elevator began to move. "No one told you to get in between me and that loudmouth." She then glanced back to the lieutenant with a grin. "The bigger they are, the harder they fall."

"She cheated."

"I did not!"

"You took your shirt off and fought in just your bra!" Alexis reminded Meghan. A masculine chuckle sounded from behind them, causing them both to turn and catch Williams' grin and see a hastily blank expression cross Alenko's face. Alexis winced inwardly. Interested in Meghan it is.

"They ripped it! It was in the way!" Meghan crossed her arms under her breasts as she verbally defended her past actions.

Williams choked on something that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. "Wait, how did you get them to take you on in the first place?" the chief asked, laughter still evident in her voice.

Meghan shifted slightly at the question. "Uh, well... it was supposed to be training. And they wanted to teach me a lesson."

"Because you couldn't keep your mouth shut one night after too many tequila shots," Alexis pointed out. "And, for the record, someone had to keep you - and our other Shepard - from getting into worse trouble our last shore leave."

"What would I ever do without you around to look out for me, Shepard?" Meghan asked, smiling still. She then turned briefly to Williams. "To this day, I swear Michaelson copped a feel." Meghan's smile got even larger as her comment was responded to with laughter from the Chief.

Alexis waited a moment for the laughter to die down. "You'd spend most of your time in the brig."

"And you'd miss me. And be really bored." Meghan then looked at her, frowning. "Seriously, Shepard. Don't do that shit again."

The concern from her fellow Commander was genuine, and appreciated, but Alexis found herself smirking anyways, as the elevator came to a stop. "Next time I'll lead with my left."

"You're slow with your left."

Alexis shrugged slightly, ignoring the pain in her shoulder from the movement. "Yeah, but I don't rely on my left as much for aim." The doors to the elevator opened, and they all spilled out, the Shepards walking out ahead of the other marines.

"Wait, next time?" Alenko asked from behind them, sounding surprised.

"There's always a next time, Alenko," Meghan advised as they made their way down a rather nondescript hall.

Alexis kept herself from chuckling slightly. "And, besides, you never know when you might need to pull a crazy trick out of your hat. If it worked once, it can work again."

The door at the end of the hallway slid open, and Alexis briefly looked around trying to find a sign that would direct them towards Chora's Den now that they were in the Wards. "Oh, fuck. Reporter two o'clock," Meghan muttered to her right.

Alexis glanced briefly in the direction to see a dark haired woman, looking eagerly in their direction and waving. "She's all yours, Commander." she told Meghan.

Meghan turned slightly, so that her back was towards the reporter. "No, uhuhn. You're the Poster Girl."

"And I'm tired of talking to the press. It's your turn," Alexis told Meghan.

"And you want the loose cannon to deal with her?" Meghan muttered again. She then held up her fist. "C'mon." The two highly trained marine lieutenant commanders proceeded to settle the matter with a child's game. "Rock."

"Paper," Alexis smirked once more at her fellow commander. "Too bad, so sad. Now go handle the nice reporter, and be sure to use your dazzling wit."

Meghan gave her a dirty look. "You owe me."

Alexis could not help but laugh. "Tell you what. We'll wait for you, right over there," she said pointing to a currently empty strip that overlooked the several arms of the Citadel. She then turned to Alenko and Williams. "C'mon, let's leave the Commander to her work."

The remaining three marines crossed the short distance to the banister that showed off the "exterior" of the Citdael. Williams and Alenko got there first and stood off to one side, taking in the view. Alenko leaned over the railing ever so slightly, and it was hard not to notice the way his Oynx armor conformed to his ass. She hesitated briefly, suddenly finding herself wanting to feel if it was as firm as it looked. Look, don't touch. Fuck, I shouldn't even be looking. God,I needed a longer shore leave. But, I should write a thank you letter to the manufacturer of that armor.

"Big place," he said as Alexis joined them.

"That your professional opinion, sir?" Williams asked, bemused.

The view in front of them really was spectacular. The mechanical arms of the wards stretched outwards, ship and aircar traffic weaving about them. Lights from the various wards twinkling like more stars. It almost reminded her of those old vids that showed off the New York skyline. "This isn't a station. It's a city," Alexis commented.

"There must be millions here," Alenko stated, clearly impressed. "It can't be possible to track everyone coming and going."

"This makes Jump Zero look like a port-a-john, and it's the largest deep space station the Alliance has," the Chief added, a touch of awe mixing with her more colorful comments.

The lieutenant shook his head as he straightened his posture. "Jump Zero was big, but this is a whole 'nother scale. Look at the Ward arms. How do they keep all that mass from flying apart?"

Certainly puts everything into a new perspective, Alexis thought to herself. "The Council represents more races than I thought. No wonder they're careful with newcomers."

"They probably just want to keep everything running. It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together," he replied.

"Or maybe they just don't like humans," Williams stated dryly.

Alexis had to keep herself from chuckling at that comment, as she was suddenly reminded of old recruitment ads from when she was a kid. "Why not? We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids, we have everything they want."

"When you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you." She blinked as Alenko's words touched her ears and glanced over in his direction. What did he just say? Did he mean to say that? "I mean, us. Humans. Ma'am," he quickly added, his voice sounding more mortified with each word. Freudian slip maybe?

Williams cut her eyes over to Alenko, who had turned a light shade of red. "You don't take much shore leave, do ya LT?" Wait, don't embarrass him, that was adorable!

"Alright, laugh it up, Chief. I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we're on duty here." I hope that won't make him too uncomfortable. She squashed the school-girl-like-glee she felt at his words. It was definitely unprofessional. Damn, we shoulda had a longer shore leave.

His coloration returned to normal, but he still looked a bit sheepish. "Uh, aye, aye, ma'am."

"I'll walk drag, ma'am," Williams offered as both she and Alenko moved away from the railing.

"That won't be necessary, Chief," Alexis told her. Definitely a good thing that Meg is occupied elsewhere. Looking back to where they had left the other blonde with the reporter, Shepard spotted Meghan heading over towards them, a confused look on her pretty face.

"I hope you enjoyed your view, Shepard, because I'm not sure talking to that reporter was all that helpful just now," Meghan grumbled as she rejoined the group.

"Well, some people were enjoying the view," the Chief said.

"That's enough, Williams," Alexis snapped. "What'd the reporter have to say?"

"She's looking for information on organized crime. Thought we might be the ones to be able to get it for her. Some guy named Fist?" Meghan shook her head. "I told her we'd keep an eye out, but that this was a military operation, not a police investigation."

Alexis nodded. "Let me guess. Fist operates out of this Chora's Den?"

"You see another hive of scum and villainy on this thing?" Meghan scoffed.

"Hopefully we'll find the droid we're looking for then," Alexis said as she led the group towards the upper level of the market. The "tourist" maps she had downloaded showed it as the easiest way to get to this bar.

The market itself was fairly crowded with a diverse group, turians, salarians, volus, even an elcor or two. There was definitely a distinct fragrance here. Alexis caught herself holding her breath as they moved, trying to get through there quickly. It was proving to be more difficult to navigate through the upper level, as most of the customers just gave the marines dirty looks when they pushed past. The crowd finally broke as the group neared a set of stairs that led down.

"Shepard? Commander Shepard?" a male voice called out. _For fuck's sake..._

The guy turned out to be a fan of all the Shepards, and he was ecstatic over bumping into two of them. Fortunately, the guy was quickly dispatched with autographs from Alexis and Meghan, and he tottered off, saying something about how excited his wife was going to be. _Some girl married him?_

Shaking her head slightly, Alexis motioned for the marines to follow her as she moved down the stairs. The lower market was more sparse, with many of the vendors giving the group a dirty look as they walked by. Their customers looked nervous, and half suddenly up and left, heading away from the soldiers. _I guess the low life scum can't tell the difference between military and actual police._

Alexis looked back to her map as they neared the door leading out of the markets. The bar was just around the corner. "Alright, folks, we're going to go in this place, locate this Harkin, get our information, and then get the hell out," she said as she walked through the door into the dark corridor. "I don't want to be there any longer than we need to be."

"You and me both, Shepard," Meghan echoed as they moved through an open archway.

"There they are!" a male turian voice called out right before the report of a rifle resounded through the air. The marines hit the deck before the shot made impact on any of them. Moving quickly to the short embankment wall, Alexis looked back to Meghan as she reached for her assault rifle. "Friends of yours?"

"Heh, I was about to ask you the same thing."

* * *

Meghan Shepard wiped the sweat from her eyes and helped Williams stand where the assassins had managed to knock her out. Alenko crouched to see if he could find any life signs in the turians who'd attacked them. "You all right, Chief?"

"Got a little scorched, but I'll make it, Commander."

"Shepard? You all right?" Alexis was glaring at the nearest corpse as if her gaze could cause it to spontaneously combust.

"Yeah. I need to call this in. C-Sec will be wondering about the dead bodies." Hitting her comm, Alexis walked a little distance away to report in the attack.

Meghan turned to Alenko who straightened up from the last of the corpses, "They're all dead, Commander," he said before she could ask him for a report. "There's not really enough left of these guys to bag. You and the Commander make a formidable team. Remind me to never get either of you angry with me."

Meghan laughed, "The two of you were hardly wallflowers, LT. You and the Chief got in quite a few good hits."

Williams snorted, "Until I got my ass handed to me, er, Commander."

Meghan shook her head, "You did well, Williams. I'm just sorry I missed that bastard before he snuck up on us." Alexis returned to the group, having filed a report with C-Sec dispatch. Meghan noticed Alenko's eyes watching their CO. Was he checking her out, again? Or just waiting for orders? Meghan grinned to herself and made a mental note to tell Lex about the lieutenant's fine assets later. Alexis nodded at Meghan who holstered her shotgun and led the way into the bar.

She didn't know what she expected, but pale blue walls, lit only by dim neon pink columns at regular intervals and one large one above the round bar was not it. The air was smoky, despite there being a Citadel-wide ordnance against cigarettes and other smoking implements. It smelled like stale beer, old wine and cheap booze, sweat and blood. Two asari immediately converged on them, two human women hung back to gauge their coworkers' reception. A blue-skinned face with delicate features and white stripes appeared inches from hers, "Once you go azure, baby, you never go back. What can I get for you," her hazel eyes flicked over Meghan's body until the vanguard wished the armor was bulkier than a body-stocking, "soldier?" The asari pressed herself against Meghan, despite the marine's armor. Meghan raised her hands to shoulder level so as not to touch the barely dressed alien. She felt her fair skin burn in embarrassment.

"I hear human women are insatiable," the other asari, identically marked but in purple, said, her eyes similarly undressing Alexis. But then she caught sight of Alenko and sidled up to the lieutenant. His eyes wide, he stood in shock as the asari wriggled her hips against him, making sure his eyes were riveted to her cleavage. "But I also hear human men have staying power. And love azure." She leaned in and whispered something in the lieutenant's ear. Despite the dim pink lighting, Meghan could see his face turn bright scarlet.

Even over the drumming bass of the music, Alexis somehow managed to make her commanding voice heard, "Thank you very much, ladies. We're on duty here." The threat in Alexis' posture was clear. The four strippers took off, the asari casting baleful glances at Alexis over their shoulder.

"I can see why this place is so popular. It's got quite the, uh, view." The lieutenant stammered, carefully not meeting any of the women's eyes.

"Hey, Lieutenant. Put your tongue back in your mouth before you trip on it," Williams told him, rolling her eyes. "A million light years from where humanity began, and we walk into a bar full of men drooling over half naked women shaking their asses on a stage. I can't decide if that's funny or sad."

Alenko glanced at Williams as Meghan gave a short laugh, trying to shake off her shock. "What, you don't think they're here because of the food?" he asked.

Alexis snorted, "Chief, you're with Shepard. Alenko, with me. Maybe if we split up, we can get the hell out of here before more asari want to 'help' us."

Meghan had never been approached by an asari before. It didn't matter that it had been an alien. It was the fact that the woman had been a stripper, though, that made Meghan long for a shower. She'd hated women, human or alien, who allowed themselves to become ornaments even back in her gang days. It was too much like what her father had done to her. There was a reason she studied every form of fighting she could find, even when she'd rather read a book.

In her search for the washed up C-Sec officer, she passed two krogan snarling at each other. One wore cheap armor and seemed to be a little afraid of the larger one in much better armor. The bigger one was threatening someone named Fist who was apparently the smaller krogan's employer. Meghan shrugged and filed the information away for later. Wong's investigation would wait. She had an allegedly crooked cop to find.

She'd almost walked past him when an oily voice said over the thrumming bass, "Hey, there, sweetheart. You looking for some fun? 'Cause I gotta say that soldier get up looks real good on that bod of yours." Meghan stopped and turned to look at the bleary-eyed older man. He seemed to have already been drinking for most of the day. His uniform was rumpled and stained, and he needed a shave, badly. Meghan was all too familiar with this kind of cop. She used to run circles around them back on Earth. It helped to be far smarter and completely sober. The drunk continued his pickup efforts, clearly believing her armor and weapons were props for some sort of kinky dress up. She glanced at Williams and smirked as Harkin continued, "Why don't you set your sweet little ass beside Harkin. Have a drink, we'll see where this goes."

Meghan made sure he saw her look him over, when he sat up straighter and a broad grin plastered over his drunken face, she knew he was thinking she liked what she saw. She wanted to puke, but with the widest smile she could muster, she told him, "Sorry, honey. I have standards. I'd rather fuck a krogan after drinking a cup of acid and chewing on a razor blade." The interview went downhill from there.

After threatening him a few times, though, she and Williams finally got the cop's location out of the slimeball, despite the fact that he kept trying to derail them with insinuation about Anderson. Meghan wouldn't listen. That man had done more for her in her entire life than anyone but her Shepards. She tapped her comm connection in their old signal to Shepard and motioned Williams to follow her. It only took a few moments for Alexis and the lieutenant to find them out in the hall. "He said the cop's at the med clinic, 'sniffing around the doctor.' Heh, maybe the turian's got a thing for human chicks." Meghan told Alexis.

"As long as he's got a lead on Saren, he can have a thing for elcor for all I care." Alexis drawled. She flared her Omnitool open. "According to this tourist map, there are two ways to get to the clinic from here. Shepard, you and Williams take this back alley, Alenko and I will go through the markets."

Behind the two commanders, Alenko and Williams were having their own discussion, "Harkin said the Captain used to be a Spectre?" Alenko asked.

"Yeah, I wonder why he didn't tell us," Williams said thoughtfully.

Alenko shrugged, "Maybe it's not true. Harkin sounds like an ass. I bet he's just messing with our heads."

Williams nodded, "You're probably right. Still, I'd like to hear what the captain has to say about all this."

"You and me, both, Chief," Meghan interrupted. Both marines flushed at being caught gossiping. "Williams?" Meghan gestured and nodded at Alexis as they reached the point where the group was to split up.

"Double time it, Shepard," Alexis ordered. Meghan and Williams headed through the door to the maintenance hallway.

"Williams, just to let you know. None of us like gossip. We've been the subject of it too often," Meghan warned her. "Not to say that you and the lieutenant meant anything by it, but... fair warning, OK?"

Williams looked at the commander, her brown eyes wide, "Ma'am, yes, ma'am."

Shepard rolled her eyes, "Not quite what I meant, Chief. Just be careful, but don't live in fear."

The chief smiled, "Whatever you say, Commander."

The pair reached the entrance to the medical clinic at the same time as the XO and the lieutenant. The door cycled open and all four Marines had their weapons in their hands in seconds at what they saw. The turian they were looking for duck walked along a short wall, taking advantage of the distraction their entrance provided. Several thugs were ransacking the clinic while their leader menaced a red-haired woman in a labcoat. "I didn't say anything! I swear!" she cried in a heavy French accent.

The thug moved closer to her, "That was smart, Doc. Now, if Garrus comes around, stay smart. Keep your mouth shut or we'll -" He spotted the marines and grabbed the doctor by the neck, holding a gun to her head and used her to shield his body. Meghan rolled her eyes. Nothing was ever easy was, it? The turian had rounded the corner and appeared to be waiting for something. The thugs that had been tossing the clinic scattered and looked for cover. Meghan, Alenko and Williams scattered also, while Alexis tried to distract the leader with negotiations. Until Garrus saw his chance, that is.

The turian spun quickly out of cover and with a swiftness that impressed Meghan, shot the leader in the head. He toppled to the floor and the doctor wisely ran out of the line of fire and crouched in a corner. Garrus returned fire as he quickly crouched behind the same short wall Meghan hid behind. His cheekplates flared and his eyebrow ridges rose in surprise, but he didn't say anything. She popped up to return fire as he leaned out to do the same.

It was a short fight. The thugs were poorly armed, poorly trained and barely armored. The four Alliance marines and the C-Sec cop subdued them quickly. Meghan stood up and leaned against the wall, holstering her shotgun and crossing her arms. The turian rose to greet Alexis, "Perfect timing, Commander. Gave me a clear shot at the bastard."

Alexis scowled at him as she holstered her own weapon, "What the hell were you thinking! You could've shot the hostage!"

"I didn't think! I just reacted!" His head snapped to the human doctor in concern once he was reminded of her. Meghan hid a grin behind her hand. "Doctor Michel! Are you hurt?"

While Alexis and the turian questioned the doctor, Meghan shook her head. She had no problem with him being a turian, hell, his voice was enough to win her good graces. He could read her the entire Citadel directory if he wanted to. Her issue was that he was a cop. Though, apparently not a normal one. He seemed as willing to throw the rules out the airlock as much as she was to get the job done. Though his risk with the doctor was more reckless than Meghan herself usually was. The name Saren yanked her out of her thoughts. Apparently, a quarian girl had something that proved Saren was a traitor and Fist was screwing around with her. Emily Wong might get her data after all.

Alexis nodded, "Time we paid Fist a visit."

Garrus fairly vibrated with eagerness, "This is your show, Commander. But I want to take Saren down as much as you do. I'm coming with you."

Meghan snorted, "You're a turian. Why do you want to bring him down?"

He glanced behind him at her and replied, "I couldn't find the proof I needed in my investigation, but I knew what was really going on. Saren's a traitor to the Council and a disgrace to my people." Well, he certainly didn't lack passion, that's for sure.

Shepard glanced at Meghan who shrugged and waved her hand, letting the other woman know it was her decision. They did need all the help they could get and the guy was one hell of a shot, cop or not. Alexis nodded sharply and turned her gaze back to the turian, "Welcome aboard, Garrus."

He seemed to relax slightly in relief, then told them about the krogan that was hunting Fist. Meghan chuckled, "Charming guy. Big, scary-looking."

When Garrus turned to her curiously, Williams spoke up, "Yeah, we saw him in the bar."

Pushing off the wall, Meghan walked over to her squad, "A krogan might come in handy, Alexis."

"Last I heard, he was at the C-Sec Academy," Garrus provided.

"What was he doing there?" the lieutenant asked, his brows drawing together in concern.

"Fist accused him of making threats. We brought Wrex in for a little talk. If you hurry, you can catch him at the academy before he leaves."

Alexis nodded again, "Meghan?"

"Yeah, I got it. She's not going to like this."

Alexis shrugged, "We have a mission. Tell her to bring him to Chora's Den"

The other three marines headed out of the clinic, Meghan trailing the turian who seemed to be uncomfortable. She caught up to him and he glanced at her. "Just wanted to say, you took that son of a bitch down clean. Good shot."

He flickered his cheekplates in surprise, like Nihlus had done, "Sometimes you get lucky. Your fellow commander didn't seem that impressed."

"Well, it was a hell of a risk. But as long as you realize luck was on your side and don't do that too often, I won't hold it against you." She grinned. "I'm Meghan Shepard, by the way."

"The survivor of Akuze? And that must be Alexis Shepard, the Hero of the Blitz?" His voice sounded surprised.

"And you'll meet Eleanora Shepard, the Butcher of Torfan, later."

"That's who you're sending after the bounty hunter?"

"Think he'll be impressed?"

"I would be."


	13. All Out Assault

"You want  _me_  to recruit a  _mercenary_?" Ella Shepard stopped in the middle of the hallway, ignoring the other grumbling pedestrians trying to get to the transit station as she argued with her fellow commander over the comm. "Did you get shot in the head or something, to think that that's a good idea?"

"No, I watched a human colony almost get destroyed by Saren and his geth. We need all the help we can get, Commander." Meghan's voice very slightly stressed Ella's rank. "Find him and bring him with you to Chora's Den. I have to put up with a cop, you get to invite the merc to tag along."

"Fuck. Why must you be right, all the damn time? I'll take the train to C-Sec and see if I can find him." Shepard turned off her comm and started walking again, trying to keep the continued urge to swear in her head rather than start talking to herself. Armed and mumbling soldiers made civilian bystanders nervous. Even this close to the Alliance's Citadel quarters.  _Maybe especially this close to Alliance HQ?_ Not even the thought of Meghan having to put up with a C-Sec officer helped her irritation.

She had managed to stop scowling by the time she got to C-Sec, and had to fight the sudden urge to grin at how very easy it was to find the krogan; he was arguing right in the lobby with a remarkably ballsy young officer who actually managed to threaten the giant mercenary without squeaking.

The krogan saw her watching the exchange and stomped away from the man mid-conversation to address her. "Do I know you, human?"

"Commander Eleanora Shepard." She nodded shortly back towards the officer he'd left behind. "I hear you're going after Fist. I'm with a team doing just that. They thought you might like to come along."

"Shepard? From Torfan, Shepard?" The krogan's reptilian face widened at her nod, and she briefly considered pulling out her pistol, her foot already sliding back to shift into position for a  _throw_  mnemonic, before she realized he was grinning, not snarling. "Impressive work, especially for a human."

"Um. Yeah. That." She slowly slid her foot back into position, trying to gauge something about the personality behind the scarred face. "You ever worked for the batarians? Wrex, is it?"

"Try not too. Boring work. No challenge. Don't even pay well to make up for it."

_Wiping out my family would be boring? Fucking bastard. Would Lex really be that upset if I left the merc here? Really, really? Shit. Probably._

"We're both warriors, Shepard," Wrex continued after a slight pause during which they'd played dueling impassive glares, trying to figure each other out. "Out of respect, I'll give you fair warning. I am going to kill Fist."

 _Huh. That was refreshingly direct. He's oddly likable. If, well, all assassin-y. Lex won't appreciate that. Find I'm not too upset, however. This Fist idiot is working for Saren, betraying the Shadow Broker, selling a fugitive, and who knows what illegal activity fits into his normal day. Probably doing the universe a favor. Crap. I agree with the hired-killer. That's a bit disturbing. Fuck it, too late to worry about it now._ "Fist knows you're coming. Probably be easier with some back-up?"

"My people have a saying. Seek the enemy of your enemy, and you will find a friend." The massive krogan extended a hand.

Ella gave one sharp bark of laughter and extended her own, smaller hand in return. "We've got that one too. This might actually work out, Wrex."

"Let's go. I'd hate to keep Fist waiting."

 _Ooh, now I get to follow a krogan on the train. Bet I'll get a seat this time._  "Lead the way, big man. Never been to Chora's Den, myself. I'll let the commander know we're coming."

Stepping away from the mercenary on the platform, she turned away to create at least the illusion of privacy as she radioed the other team.  _Wonder how good krogan hearing is ..._

"Morning, Meg. Got the merc you all wanted. Oddly pleasant fellow. Man of his word, even, I think. He's been hired to kill Fist, and he's not planning on leaving his job half done."

"Huh. Practical, but that could be troublesome." Meg's voice paused a moment in consideration. "Can't afford to turn down the help though. I'll let the XO know we need to keep an eye on our new recruit. Not that she wouldn't be doing that anyways."

"Five marines against one mercenary? Seems like our eyes outnumber his. Plus, your new cop friend might be handy too." Ella couldn't resist the slight jab.

"Oh yeah, Officer Vakarian's my new bestest buddy." Ella could almost hear Meg's eyes roll. "Good shot though. Hope all these new friends stay friendly."

"Same here." Ella sighed slightly, before she felt the gush of wind signaling the arrival of the next train. "My ride's here, see you in a few." Ella turned back to her new companion, who nodded amiably; ' _Least I hope that's still his friendly-face,_ when she returned and led the way onto a mostly empty passenger section.

"If you're not in charge of this party, who is?" The krogan grunted once the train started moving.

"Lieutenant Commander Alexis Shepard, under Captain Anderson of the  _SSV Normandy_."

"The Butcher and the Hero?" His head bobbed in what Ella assumed was surprise. "Together? Clan-mates, are you, along with that other Shepard soldier? From Akuze?"

"Meghan Shepard, you mean? She's here too. And no, humans mostly don't really have clans, and a lot of people have the same last name without being related. We just ran into each other before we enlisted."  _And if that isn't cutting a long story short, I'm not sure what is._

"ETA?" Lex's sharp question through the comms interrupted their mostly silent transit.

"Two minutes. What's up, Commander?"

"We're here, and they're very ready for us. Area's clear of civilians, and the door's barricaded. The Lieutenant's breaking us in. Be ready to come in hot."

"Aye, aye, ma'am." Ella passed along the news to the krogan, whose face cracked in the same scary grin he'd greeted her with.

"I already like this job. No time wasted."

 _And again, I'm agreeing with the mercenary._ She wished she had her helmet. It might prevent her from rubbing her forehead in a fruitless attempt to stop the catalogue of increasingly disturbing similarities between herself and the crazy ruthless krogan mercenary. _I'm going to need a very strong drink tonight._

When they exited the transit station, the wards were eerily quiet, the usual hordes of bystanders somehow diverted back into the markets. The one couple who'd tried to get off at the same stop had taken one look at the deserted area and slipped back on the train before it left. It only took a few seconds for Ella's suit to link up with the rest of the squad now that she was in range, and she swore softly at the mass of red that was all she could distinguish from this distance. The tiny blob of blue that signified the marines was very much smaller in comparison.

"Fucking hell, krogan, lead the way a bit faster, will you?"

"You want to charge in guns blazing?" Despite his apparent surprise, Wrex had already quickened his pace. "Don't you Alliance types tend to worry a bit more about collateral damage?"

"What collateral? The locals all seem to have had the sense to be elsewhere. Just don't shoot the four humans in Alliance armor, or the turian cop hanging out with them."

"Turian from C-Sec? Vakarian?" Wrex grunted as they approached another turn. "Knew he was sniffing around Saren. Didn't think he'd have the quad to join a bunch of soldiers." He held up one fist to let her know they'd reached the end of their cover, before carefully leading the way onto the exposed walkways before the club's entrance.

She could hear the sounds of the fight coming through the open door of Chora's Den, gunfire and shouting echoing against the metallic walls of the Citadel. Bracing themselves on either side of the entrance, Ella looked through the opening just in time to spot their team, split in two and aiming around both sides of a large round bar dominating the middle of the room. Williams was in the rear, providing covering fire as Alenko and Alexis worked their way around the right hand side in a flickering blue haze of biotic barriers. Over on the left, a turian in blue armor was shooting right over Meg's shoulder as she tossed a Warp field at an enemy.

Wrex suddenly charged out into the cleared area before the bar, right towards what she'd assumed was a dead krogan bodyguard of some sort. Who was now twitching up on his feet?  _Fuck, who didn't check the bodies?_

Before she could manage more than sliding her shotgun out and triggering her own barrier, Wrex had slammed right into the smaller krogan, knocking him down and shooting him point blank in the head with his own shotgun. "Redundant organs," he grunted at the five humans staring at him in surprise. "Gotta kill us twice."

"Reinforcements!" The twang of the turian's multi-tonal shout brought their attention back to the front, where a crowd of humans with a few extra large krogan shadows backing them up was slowly advancing along the curved walls of the huge room.  _Where the hell did some two-bit crime lord from the Wards find this many foot-soldiers? Or is this part of how Saren seduced him to the crazy-Shadow-Broker-betraying-darker-side-than-usual?_

As Ella jumped behind the bar, Williams on her heels, she saw Vakarian yanking Meghan down to join him behind a knocked over table just before her shields flared under fire and collapsed.  _That was a very smooth move. Meg doesn't usually play quite that well with non-Marines._

"Damn it, Vakarian, quit grabbing my ass! Men usually have to buy me dinner first."

"Keep your head down and I won't have to grab you!"

Ella hunkered down next to Williams, focusing on the middle of the mass as Lex and Alenko kept working their way up the far right flank. The krogan, disdaining cover, simply charged in, glowing blue and flinging bodies around. He managed to stay out of all three lines of fire, however, so his apparent disregard for working in a team was obviously just an act.

"Son of a bitch, Vakarian!" Meg's snarl from the left was audible even over the fire-fight, though Ella was no longer able to keep an eye on the ex-con and ex-cop as they squabbled. "And you just told me to keep my head down! Don't think yours would look any prettier with a hole in it either!"

"Didn't know you cared, Shepard!"

"I don't. Just don't want to clean your blue blood off my brand-new armor!"

"Shepard! Shields!"

"Fucking hell, Vakarian, I told you to buy me dinner first!"

"Get down!" Garrus snarled at Meghan.

"You first!" She snapped back.

Ella couldn't resist sharing a quick grin with the marine next to her, Williams obviously just as amused as she was by the bitching to their left. Not that the other woman let it distract her from lining up her next sniper shot. Whittling away at the private army surrounding them took all their attention, however, so Ella let the continued squabbling wash over her as they slowly worked their way forward.

The reinforcements' numerical advantage didn't do the guns-for-hire much good in the long run, not against five biotics, including a semi-indestructible krogan Battlemaster, with two exquisitely timed sniper rifles as back-up.  _Some days, I love my job,_  Ella thought with satisfaction as she waited for the Lieutenant to hack the door leading to the private section of the club.

The large storage area they found next was practically a mini-warehouse. With workers. Who were luckily smart enough to run away rather than fight when Lex gave them the opportunity. The rest of the team seemed pleasantly surprised by their CO's winning ways, and not even the krogan was bloodthirsty enough to be disappointed.  _Love my Shepards. They can convince the whole galaxy to get out of our way so I don't have to shoot them. Not shooting is nice, sometimes. Occasionally. Rarely._

She grinned in anticipation as the turian with the apparently very wide skill-set gave the Lieutenant a break in his hacking duties at the next door.  _Cop breaking down a door for us. Wonder if that's unorthodox enough Meg will refrain from despising him?_  She glanced back at her friend, who was keeping watch on their six just in case anyone wandered through the carnage they'd left behind.  _Probably not._

"Everything's ready, Commanders," Vakarian called out as he stepped away from the door. With weapons drawn, the marines stepped forward and advanced into the office. The crime lord let out a sound that was suspiciously like squeal, but before Ella could think anything too dismissive of the coward, he scrambled back behind his desk and triggered two freaking gun turrets placed in the corners of his office. The party split down the middle, diving for cover on either side of the wide entrance to his office, and proceeded to focus their attention on the heavy weapons.

Ella slid sideways back behind the wall to avoid being blinded by the flare as the Lieutenant's latest tech mine magic overload-thing finally dealt the nearest turret an explosive death blow.  _One down, one to go, then we can get the slime-ball to talk._

This excellent plan was derailed, however, when the lunatic krogan rushed Fist where he was cowering behind his desk, somehow miraculously timing his dash so as to avoid the remaining turret's heavy weapon fire.

"Wrex!" Lex shouted from the other side of the entrance way to the office. "We need to be able to talk to him!"

Wrex's grunt didn't give away much, but he dragged the man back into cover behind the desk and placed his own large bulk between the criminal and the turret. "Hurry up then! No armor. Idiot."

Ella found herself snorting in agreement with the krogan's assessment, followed by a slight wince as she realized they were thinking alike  _again._  Luckily, between them the cop and the sentinel made the second turret spark out of control and shut down, so they could all advance on the moronic crime-lord. Lieutenant Alenko led the way, dropping to one knee to check on the limp body. "He's dead, Commander," he stated quietly, looking back up at Alexis.

All eyes turned toward Wrex, who shrugged slightly. "Fist wasn't ready for us. Probably didn't even bother hiding his files."

Ella had to repress a smile as Lex rubbed her forehead right over her eyebrows.  _Glad the krogan has that effect on everyone, not just me._  "Alright, people, let's see what we can find."

Meg grabbed Williams and headed out to search the warehouse, leaving Vakarian and Alenko huddled over Fist's desk-unit and omni-tool respectively, arguing in incomprehensible tech-speak.  _Though, really, those two could be arguing about the color of the paint on the walls and I think I'd enjoy listening. Geek speak in sexy voices ..._ she forced herself to stop fantasizing about their new crew as she turned to the cabinets in the back of the room to start an old-fashioned manual search.  _Damn, I miss that interrupted shore-leave._

She could hear Lex checking the other side of the room, while Wrex slowly stalked back the way they'd come.  _Leaving us now he's done what he came to do, or watching our backs?_  Before her paranoia could start suggesting what else the mercenary could be up to while he was out of her sight, she heard a shout of triumph from the turian half of their tech-team, echoed by Alenko's calmer voice. "Got it, Commander." As Alexis and Ella hurried over, he continued, "plus, we downloaded the rest to look at later. Might even have something for that reporter we ran into after we take a look."

"Not right now, though," Vakarian interrupted, having been eyeing the file as Alenko was talking. "It looks like the quarian's walking into a trap as we're speaking. Hallway access to the wards. We have three minutes." Pulling out his assault rifle, he headed towards the door at a run, not even waiting for a reaction from the rest of the team.

"Williams, Alenko, follow me," Lex ordered as she started after Vakarian at a quick trot. "You two better hurry before you let that turian show you up." A quiet chorus of, "Yes, ma'am's," echoed behind her as she swept the rest of the marines and the mercenary along after the turian.


	14. Damsel in Distress

Alexis lowered the assault rifle as she surveyed the hall in front of her. The three human guards that had been at the south end of the hall were dead, as were the two salarian assassins and their turian boss. Several feet away from their bodies was the body of an asari that had been working with the turian. The actual fight itself had been relatively short, and largely disappointing. The marines and assorted guests had both skill and flanking advantage on the assassins hired to take down the single quarian girl. The asari had proved to be the most challenging, and she had barely managed to  _throw_  Ella across the hall into Alenko before the asari too fell in the fire fight.

A furtive glance to the side showed her fellow Shepard and the lieutenant firmly pressed against the wall, one of his arms wrapped about her waist. "Are you okay, ma'am?" he asked Ella quietly as he released his grip on her.

"Course, LT. Just appreciating the LZ." She grinned at the uncomfortable marine next to her. "Wish you'd been there when I got trained on my first amp. Might've cracked fewer bones if you'd helped me avoid the walls then, too."

Seeing they were both fine, Alexis returned her focus back towards the quarian girl.  She saw Meghan and the cop that had apparently attached himself to her (an idea that would greatly amuse Alexis later when she had time to think about it) approach the girl, who seemed to be doing okay all things considered. "Fist set me up! I knew I couldn't trust him!"

"Were you hurt in the fight?" Meghan asked, looking the girl over with her bright green eyes.

"I know how to look after myself," the girl snapped. Meghan immediately raised one eyebrow at the comment. "Not that I don't appreciate the help. Who are you all?"

"I'm Commander Meghan Shepard. That's Commander Alexis Shepard, and Commander Ella Shepard," she said, indicating to each in turn. "We've been looking for evidence against Saren Arterius."

The quarian glanced around a bit nervously, or as nervous as her masked face would let her appear. "Then I have a chance to repay you for saving my life. But not here. We need to go somewhere safe."

"The ambassador's office," the lieutenant piped up from behind Alexis. "It's safe there. Besides, he'll want to see this anyway."

"Alright, people, move out," Alexis called, putting her assault rifle away. They were going to have to go up the nearby elevator in shifts as it was. She looked to Ella, "Take point with our new-found friend here."

"Aye, ma'am," Ella started leading the quarian towards the nearest Presidium access point, Meg and Garrus following close enough to block Alexis' view of the two in the lead. She could still hear Ella's voice drifting back, however, complimenting the younger woman on her shotgun.

"We'll be up as soon as we can," Alexis told Meghan as she passed by. "If you can, wait for us, so we don't ruffle too many of Udina's feathers."

Meghan snorted, her voice trailing behind her, "Then you should probably go in alone when we get back."

"Are the rest of you ready?" Alexis asked focusing back on the people remaining in the hall. The krogan Wrex was currently walking amongst the dead, nudging them with his foot while her remaining marines were standing off to the side, awaiting their orders.

"Yes, ma'am," Alenko responded as Williams finished securing her weapons back in place.

Wrex lumbered his way over to them, smiling that grim toothy grin of his. "Wouldn't have expected humans to fight that well."

"Wouldn't have expected a krogan to fight that smart." At the merc's hearty laugh, she then turned and led the marines down to the elevator leading back out of the Wards. The elevator was still in route to the top access with the first of her crew, which meant that they had time to kill. She motioned for the two marines and the krogan to wait at the elevator as she stepped off to the side.  _I should at least get C-Sec here to start containing the mess_.

She pressed a few buttons on her Omni-tool, and she was connected back with C-Sec, as she was earlier. "Dispatch Unit 1138, Officer Wedge responding. How can we assist?"

"This is Commander Alexis Shepard, of the Alliance Navy. We've run into some trouble at Chora's Den and in a nearby maintenance hallway..."

"Yes, yes, Officer Vakarian has already radioed us. We have a team already dispatched to investigate the trouble. We'll be sending someone by your ambassador's office to collect your group's official statement," the C-Sec rep said curtly before ending the transmission.  _Fuck. Udina is going to be in an even fouler mood than normal. But at least that cop had sense to call things in already._

She moved back to the group just as the elevator arrived back to their level. The door slid open and the marines filed in and stood off to one side as Wrex took residence on the other. Alexis stepped inside, and the door slid shut behind her, beginning its quick ascent back up.  _I hope that quarian has something good on Saren. If she doesn't, the fucking brass is going to be pissed about everything that just went down. And we don't have much to back up what we did without something substantial against that guy._

The ride itself was oddly quiet. Alexis glanced briefly to her marines to see Williams coolly watching the massive krogan while the lieutenant fiddled with his omni-tool.

"What kind of guns do you Shepards like?" Wrex suddenly asked breaking the silence.

"Excuse me?" Alexis responded, turning to face the krogan in the elevator.

"What kinds of guns do you and your clanmate Shepards like? You seem fond of them," Wrex continued.

Alexis couldn't figure out if he was talking about weapons or Ella and Meghan. She took a shot in the dark, "Uh, we each prefer different ones."

"Heh, nothing beats a good shotgun. Get up in your enemies' face and see their fear." His bass rumble sounded entirely too pleased with the memory of the carnage he could wreak. He would probably get along well with Meghan. Alexis exchanged a concerned glance with Alenko, who had looked up finally from his 'tool. Wrex, however, appeared content with the extent of his questioning and did not say anything else.

The rest of the ride was almost awkwardly quiet. The elevator came to a stop, and the door opened. The marines and krogan marched through the small hallway to the next elevator, just in time for it to be returning from depositing the other team up on the Presidium level. Another short, and quiet, ride in this elevator allowed them to rejoin the team that was waiting for them. The group filed out of the elevator, and Alexis took point as she led the rather large group through the crowd on the Presidium level towards the Embassy building.

From behind her, she heard Meghan speak, "Thanks for breaking Ella's fall, Alenko."

"Yeah, thanks again. You were much more  _fun_  to get thrown into than a wall," Ella added, grinning widely at Alenko.

"Glad I could help?" the lieutenant replied, sounding a bit confused.  _Or maybe embarrassed at the attention._

Alexis rolled her eyes and called back to Ella. "How'd she manage to hit you with that  _throw_  anyway?"

Ella's sheepish voice rolled forward, "Her mnemonic was different than any I'd seen before. Didn't think it was gonna be a  _throw_. So I sorta forgot to dodge..."

"Little miss asari-trained biotic forgot to dodge?" Meghan laughed.

"Speaks the hundredth degree black belt that got a black eye from a chick who could barely throw a punch."

"Hey, sucker punches work even on me sometimes. Besides, I taught her a lesson. And it's fourth degree, thank you very much."

"So, we're both suckers. Occasionally."

"Yeah... but I'm better-looking."

"If you like the pale, scrawny blonde type." Ella paused and snorted. "Which is pretty much every male ever, so perhaps you have a point."

Meghan grinned and winked at Williams who hid a laugh behind her hand, "Blondes have more fun. And diamonds are a girl's best friend."

"You're quoting one of those old vids you always try to make me watch, aren't you?"

"One of these days, Ella, I'll teach you to be classy if its the last thing I do."

"Really? Someone's gotta teach you first. And if Lex hasn't managed it in the past thirteen years, I think you're a lost cause." It was Alenko's turn to stifle a laugh behind a cough.

Alexis heard a soft voiced comment behind her from the turian, "Are they always like this?"

Equally softly, the lieutenant replied, "I think this is actually tame for them."

"Ok, people, that's enough," Alexis called back as they finally got to the ambassador's office. She paused briefly at the door. There was no denying that he was likely to be livid over the course of events. She just wasn't altogether sure how they were going to stifle his ire long enough to find out exactly what kind of evidence this quarian even had. Silently pressing the button to enter, the door slid open and Alexis stepped inside.

The ambassador was waiting for them, pacing a bit behind his desk with Captain Anderson looking rather miserable.  _Old Man has probably been forced to listen to the tirades this entire time_. Udina shifted his gaze to Alexis, sneering slightly. "You're not making my life easy. Firefights in the wards? An all-out assault on Choara's Den? Charging through the markets with weapons drawn? Do you know how many..."

Udina's voice trailed off as he watched the rest of the crew file in behind Alexis, his eyes lingering on the quarian. "Who's this? A quarian? What are you up to Shepard?" he asked, directing his gaze back at Alexis. The sneer had given way to an openly suspicious look.

Despite feeling a bit smug, Alexis kept her face neutral. "Making your day, Ambassador. She says she has some information that can help us expose Saren."

Udina quirked an eyebrow. "Really? Maybe you better start at the beginning, Miss...?"

The quarian stepped forward slightly. "My name is Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya."

"We don't see many quarians here. Why did you leave the flotilla?" Udina asked. The question, where innocent enough, sounded more like the start of an interrogation from the ambassador.

"I was on my Pilgrimage, my rite of passage into adulthood," Tali explained.

"Would you be willing to explain that to us later?" Meghan asked. "I think right now we'd like to know what you found out about Saren."

"Of course," Tali said, sounding a bit excited. Although, Alexis wasn't sure if it was the prospect of telling her story on how she got the evidence or the ability to talk about her people that made her excited. "During my travels, I began hearing reports of geth. Since they drove my people into exile, the geth have never ventured beyond the veil. I was curious." The quarian girl continued to expound on her travels and how she had managed to track down and eventually isolate a lone geth trooper.

Alexis listened with half an ear as she explained how she got what she got, but not what she had in fact found. It was mostly techno-babble, and completely over her head. She glanced briefly around to see Ella and Meg with what she knew to be their feigned interest expressions. Tech wasn't the Shepards strong suit after all. The krogan looked as bored as the commanders. However, both Vakarian and Alenko seemed to be intensely focused on Tali's tale,  _Almost like little kids at Christmas._   _Damn, that's adorable too._

Anderson's voice brought Alexis back to the present conversation. "I thought the geth fried their memory cores when they died. Some kind of defense mechanism."

"How did you manage to preserve the memory core?" Ella interjected. The Old Man's voice must have brought her out of her bored daze as well.

"My people created the geth. If you're quick, careful, and lucky, small caches of data can sometimes be saved. Most of the core was wiped clean," Tali explained. "But I salvaged something from its audio bank." The quarian brought up her omni-tool and pressed a few voices.

A rather familiar turian voice filled the room. "Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit."

"That's Saren's voice. This proves he was involved in the attack." Anderson appeared particularly incensed over this.  _Wonder if his anger has anything to do with what Saren intimated at earlier._

"He said Eden Prime brought him one step closer to finding the Conduit. Any idea what that means?" Meghan asked.

"The Conduit must have something to do with the beacon. Maybe it's some kind of technology... like a weapon," Anderson guessed.

"Wait... there's more! Saren wasn't working alone." Tali then replayed the audio from the geth memory core, Saren's voice filling the room once more. Then a more distinguished voice spoke, very feminine. "And one step closer to the return of the Reapers."

"I don't recognize the other voice. The one talking about Reapers," Udina stated, tapping one of his long bony fingers against his lips.

Something about the word  _Reapers_  bothered Alexis. She just wasn't sure what. Obviously she wasn't the only one. "I feel like I've heard that name before..." Ella said.

"According to the memory core, the Reapers were a hyper-advanced machine race that existed 50,000 years ago. The Reapers hunted the Protheans to total extinction and then they vanished. At least, that's what the geth believe," Tali explained.

The sneer had returned to Udina's face. "Sounds a little far-fetched to me."

"The vision on Eden Prime," Meghan stated suddenly. "I understand it now. I saw the Protheans being wiped out by the Reapers."  _Certainly makes sense. And why there was all the cybernetics..._

"The geth revere the Reapers as gods, the pinnacle of non-organic life. And they believe Saren knows how to bring the Reapers back," Tali added.

A sinister grin spread across Udina's face, as he began to see a way to use this new information to his advantage. "The Council is just going to  _love_  this!"

Alexis frowned. This suddenly seemed far larger than just stopping Saren. "The Reapers are a threat to every species in Citadel space. We have to tell them."

"No matter what they think about the rest of this, those audio files prove Saren's a traitor," Anderson said.  _The Old Man's right. We have to focus on one thing at a time_ , she reminded herself.

Udina moved back to his desk and began typing away at his station, mumbling something about presenting the evidence straight away.

"What about her? The quarian?" Wrex asked, his voice booming in the small room.

The quarian placed her hands on her hips. "My name is Tali!" she exclaimed indignantly. "You saw me in the alley, Commander. You know what I can do. Let me come with you!" She then turned and looked to each of the Shepards, seemingly unsure which she should make her appeal to.

Alexis gave a slight nod to her fellow Shepards, letting them know it was fine with her. She'd let them settle up with the girl though. She stepped up to the ambassador's desk as he gathered together some datapads. "Is there anything else, Ambassador?"

He shook his head. "Anderson and I will go ahead to get things ready with the Council. Take a few minutes to collect yourself," he paused as he glanced behind her, "and your _crew_. Then meet us in the Tower." With that he bustled past the crowd in his office, Anderson on his heels.

Alexis felt a sharp pulse of pain behind her left temple, and she fought the urge to rub it.  _More bureaucratic bullshit to sit through. Oh, fucking, joy._  She turned and looked at the group assembled. "Alright folks, let's go ahead and get moving. It's going to take us a long time to get us all up to the top of the Tower..."

And she was right. They weren't able to squeeze everyone into the elevator for one trip, so they split back into two groups to make it quicker. After several minutes, the eight were reunited at the top of the Tower, and Alexis hurried them towards the same area where they had spoken to the Council the first time.

Anderson was again waiting on them. "Come on. Udina's presenting the quarian's evidence to the Council," he said as he led them to the dais where Udina was currently standing. The sound of Saren's voice, and the unknown woman, resounded through the antechamber as Udina played the recording provided by Tali.

"You wanted proof. There it is," Udina told the three alien Council members.

The turian council member looked perturbed. "This evidence is irrefutable, Ambasador. Saren will be stripped of his Spectre status and all efforts will be made to bring him in to answer for his crimes."

The asari council member appears as disturbed as her turian colleague. "I recognize the other voice, the one speaking with Saren. Matriarch Benezia."

"Who's she?" Meghan asked as she stepped a bit closer.

"Matriarchs are powerful asari who have entered the final stage of their lives. Revered for their wisdom and experience, they serve as guides and mentors to my people. Matriarch Benezia is a powerful biotic, and she had many followers. She will make a formidable ally for Saren," the asari explained.

"I'm more interested in the Reapers," the salarian member interjected. "What do you know about them?"

"Only what was extracted from the geth's memory core. The Reapers were an ancient race of machines that wiped out the Protheans. Then they vanished," Anderson offered forward.

"The geth believe the Reapers are gods. And Saren is the prophet for their return," Ella added.

Anderson nodded briefly. "We think the Conduit is the key to bringing them back. Saren's searching for it. That's why he attacked Eden Prime."

The salarian seemed intrigued. "Do we even know what this Conduit is?"

"Saren thinks it can bring back the Reapers. That's bad enough," Meghan snapped. The pulse of pain in Lex's head throbbed a bit more. Things weren't going well.

"Listen to what you're saying!" the turian councilor exclaimed. "Saren wants to bring back the machines that wiped out all life in the galaxy? Impossible. It has to be. Where did the Reapers go? Why did they vanish? How come we've found no trace of their existence? If they were real, we'd have found something!"

Unfortunately, the damned turian was making sense. There was no proof.  _Except for whatever got crammed into our heads on Eden Prime_. "I tried to warn you about Saren," Alexis said, finally speaking up. "And you refused to face the truth. Don't make the same mistake again."  _Please let some semblance of sense prevail here for once._

"This is different," the asari countered. "You proved Saren betrayed the Council. We all agree he's using the geth to search for the Conduit, but we don't really know why."

"The Reapers are obviously just a myth, Commander. A convenient lie to cover Saren's true purpose. A legend he is using to bend the geth to his will," the salarian added.

The gathered group quickly descended into a shouting match that made Alexis's head hurt even worse. For every point one of her crew pushed forward, the Council matched it back with a precautionary reason as to why it didn't make sense. It became the worst when the Council reared its head against the prospect of accidentally triggering a war with the Terminus.  _Not for a few dozen human colonies._

"Every time humanity asks for help you ignore us!" Alexis snapped at the Council, feeling rapid trails of ice coursing through her arms.  _Fuck, get it under control, Lex._

Udina huffed and crossed his arms across his chest. "Shepard's right. I'm sick of this  _Council_ , and it's anti-human bull..."

A large gasp could be heard in the room, and the asari quickly cut him off. "Ambassador!" she chided strongly, reminding him of where they were. She waited a moment for the commotion to die down. "There is another solution. A way to stop Saren that does not requires fleets or armies..."


	15. Spooks

“We would like to request that everyone leave the Council chambers for a Confidential Session.” The councilors stood still and silent, waiting for their instructions to be carried out. Meghan Shepard looked at Alexis and across her to Ella, a broad grin on her face. Anderson and Udina stood in front of them, the small team they’d gathered behind them, human and alien. After a nod from the asari Councilor, the three Councilors pushed a button on the consoles in front of them. “Commanders Shepard, step forward,” she said. 

Her heart in her throat, Meghan glanced for reassurance from Anderson as he stepped aside to let them pass. He nodded encouragingly. The three commanders approached the edge of the platform and stood shoulder to shoulder, surreptitiously holding each others’ hands. Meghan tightened her fingers on Alexis’ in reassurance and received an answering squeeze back. Meghan lifted her chin proudly, waiting for the Council to continue. The asari Councilor’s voice rang out over the empty chamber, “It is the decision of the Council that the three of you be granted all the rights and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel.”

“Spectres are not trained, but chosen,” the salarian Councilor continued. “Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle, those whose actions place them above the rank and file.” _Hell, if that’s all it took, we qualified years ago_.

“Spectres are an ideal, a symbol. The embodiment of courage,” the asari councilor looked at Alexis, “determination,” her eyes flicked to Ella, “self-reliance,” and her eyes ended on Meghan. Switching her gaze back to encompass all three of them, somewhere over Alexis’ head, she continued, “They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will.” 

“Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defense. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold.” The turian councilor seemed almost reluctant to say his part of the swearing-in.

“You three are the first human Spectres, Commanders. This is a great accomplishment for you and for your entire species,” the asari councilor, in contrast to the turian one, seemed proud of them. Almost. 

“This privilege does not come without responsibility, however. Above all else, Spectres work for _galactic_ peace and stability.” The turian councilor’s glare sharpened even more at the asari’s words. “Your status as Spectres is confidential. While you will be on record as holding this position, we will not be announcing it to the galaxy at large. We advise you to also adhere to this precaution. Your very appointment could cause the one thing our decision is meant to prevent: war with the Terminus systems.” Meghan found herself nodding along with her fellow commanders. It did make sense, though Meghan didn’t like it and had little use for politics, despite her apparent ability to play the game.

Formally, Alexis asked, “What’s our first mission?” _As if we didn’t know_ , Meghan added silently. 

The salarian Councilor informed them, “We’re sending you into the Traverse after Saren. He’s a fugitive from justice so you are authorized to use any means necessary to apprehend or eliminate him.” Alexis continued asking questions and Meghan listened with half an ear. Spectres! She glanced behind her to see their new team’s reactions. Williams and Alenko were both grinning broadly. Wrex nodded his approval at her when she caught his eye, and Meghan could almost see the young quarian girl smiling behind her semi-opaque face plate. The turian stood to one side with his arms crossed and leaning back on one leg. As Wrex had done, he nodded his approval to her as well, but flared his cheekplates at her in a wide turian grin. She felt herself return it before returning her attention to Alexis and the Councilors in time to hear that the meeting was adjourned. 

Meghan turned to find Anderson studying them before stepping forward with his own huge smile, “Congratulations, Commanders.” He shook each of their hands in turn. 

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes when Udina spoke about what they’d need. Wouldn’t Captain Anderson know more about that? When Anderson suggested where they could get equipment, though, Meghan’s stomach turned. Spectres didn’t get paid and weren’t funded by the government. How the hell were they going to outfit this motley crew? Krogan armor undoubtedly cost a small fortune and quarian armor probably twice that with all the environmental upgrades she’d need to go into a firefight and not die from an infection the first stray bullet would give her. Suddenly, Meghan’s commanders’ salary looked paltry. Udina dragged Anderson off to finalize their plans for the commanders’ new status.

Williams’ voice intruded on Meghan’s accounting exercises, “Not even a thank you from the ambassador.” 

Ella shrugged, her sarcasm thick enough to cut with a knife. “He’s got a lot on his mind?”

“Or he’s just a self-absorbed prick,” Meghan muttered. Ella glanced at Meghan, grinning to show she heard the commander’s _sotto voce_ comment.

Alexis rolled her eyes, “Come on, let’s go see if there are any leads.”

“Right behind you, Commander.” Meghan smirked at Alenko’s words. _I’ll just bet he is_. Meghan wanted to laugh as Alexis passed him and his eyes followed her. _See? Hmm, wonder if the fraternization rules still apply?_

Smiling to herself, Meghan fell into step following Alexis. Or more accurately, following Williams and Alenko, who were following Alexis. The cop fell in to step next to her with the merc immediately behind. Ella and the quarian Tali’ Zorah followed behind him. Meghan had a brief moment to wonder why a cop seemed more comfortable with an ex-con than the war hero before she noticed a man in an admiral’s uniform storming up the stairs toward them. When he got close enough to recognize, Meghan called out, “Admiral Kahoku?”

Alexis paused to look back at Meghan and Ella nodded as she passed. In the shorthand of a long friendship, Meghan knew the two of them would meet her at the elevator. Tali followed Ella, but Wrex and the cop stayed at her back. She wondered why until the admiral replied, derailing her thoughts, “Commander Shepard? Is that you?”

“Admiral, it’s been too long. How’s the wife and kids?” Meghan would always have a soft spot for the admiral. At her fitness board after Akuze, he, alongside Anderson and Hackett, had been one of her most vocal supporters in favor of keeping her in the service. 

“Good, good.” He seemed worried and impatient. He didn’t even ask what the meeting had been about.

“Is everything all right, Admiral?” Meghan asked.

“If this meeting was what I think it was, congratulations are in order, Commander. I’m sure you’ll be up to the challenge.” He still looked visibly upset.

Meghan blinked, “Uh, thank you?”

“It’s about time the Alliance got one of our own in. We need people like you to deal with our -- problems.” Now he just sounded angry.

“Is something wrong, Admiral?” Meghan asked cautiously.

“Same shit, different day, Commander. I’m getting stonewalled by bureaucratic assholes.” He looked at Meghan as if considering something, barely acknowledging the non-humans behind her. “Maybe you can help me, Shepard. One of my recon teams was investigating some strange activity out in the Traverse. We lost contact a little while ago. Now I can’t get clearance to check it out -- suddenly it’s a restricted area.” Meghan’s eyes widened and her heart started to pound. That sounded far too familiar. Kahoku nodded as he registered her reaction. “But that won’t apply to you, Shepard. You can go anywhere you want, now. You could find out why my team dropped out of contact. You of all people should understand how bad this is.”

“Of course, Admiral. We’ll look as soon as we can.” Meghan’s blood ran cold at what could be happening to the unit out there in the black of space.

“Thank you, Commander. I’ll stay here and see if I can find out anything through official channels. I wont hold my breath, though.” He nodded at her in dismissal and Meghan turned away. Wrex and Garrus made room for her to pass between them. 

“That’s never good when a unit drops off the grid, Shepard,” Garrus warned.

“You don’t have to tell me that, Vakarian. I’m a little too aware of the things that can eat you out there.” She glared back at him.

“We either save them, or avenge them,” Wrex announced, interrupting her glaring contest with the cop. 

Meghan glanced at the merc, “Hopefully, it’s just a busted comm unit.”

“Do you really believe that, Shepard?” 

“Fuck off, Vakarian.” Seething, she caught up to the rest of the group. They were going to have to take turns in the elevator. It wouldn’t fit all of them. Meghan clenched her jaw as Alexis got in first with Alenko and Williams. When the elevator came back, Ella got in with Tali and Wrex after elbowing Meg in the side and grinning. She strangled the urge to stick her tongue out at Ella. 

When she and the cop got into the elevator car, she stood in stony silence. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn’t look at him. _Yet another asshole who thinks he knows what went down on Akuze, huhn? Lex had better keep him far away from me. Please let it just be a busted comm unit._ She didn’t say a word on the way down to the Presidium. 

The rest of the group was waiting on them as they disembarked. Meghan felt childish, as if she were pouting, but couldn’t make herself not resent the silent turian behind her, no matter how well he fought. Fighting competence was usually her highest measure of a person and he’d impressed her in the shoot-out in Chora’s Den and in rescuing the quarian but then he’d spoken. Some people were better off never opening their mouths. She waited till everyone, including Vakarian, had started walking, then brought up the rear. The chief must’ve noticed Meghan’s sudden black mood since she fell back to walk with her commander. The younger woman nodded in the direction of the C-Sec officer, “You can’t kill the turian, ma’am.” Her voice was hushed, so they wouldn’t be overheard.

Meghan snorted and in the same quiet tone replied, “I’m not interested in killing the turian, Chief, just in beating some manners into the cop.”

Williams glanced at her, an eyebrow raised inquiringly, “What’d he do?”

“I hate cops, Williams. No matter the species, no matter the planet. I hate them. They like rules too much. They get off on procedures and regulations. They’re inflexible and rigid, and often far more crooked than a volus used ship salesman.” Meghan ground her teeth against more invective, though she kept her tone hushed.

“Wow, Commander, tell me how you really feel.” Williams rolled her eyes, “Cops aren’t all bad you know. They make our job easier.”

“If you say so, Williams.”

“Why don’t you like them?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I know they’re needed. But I grew up on Earth. I ran with some bad people. Ran into even worse cops. One of them shot a buddy of mine and planted a weapon on him. Claimed he was carrying.” Meghan stood waiting for the next elevator, Williams next to her. She was last again, but at least Williams was with her, not the cop.

“I get not liking him because he’s an alien, especially if you grew up on Earth. But to resent the fact that he’s a cop?” Williams shook her head at her CO’s insanity.

Meghan chuckled, “I never claimed to make sense, Williams.” She shrugged, “The turian part isn’t the problem. I’ve met a few in my time and gotten along with them all. As far as aliens go, they’re not as smelly as the elcor, bizarre as the hanar, or ugly as a batarian. They’re not bad to look at.” At Williams’ skeptical look, Meghan laughed again, “I’m not saying I’d take one home with me, but they don’t make me shudder in horror.”

“Whatever you say, Commander.”

They got into the elevator. “Do you have a problem working with aliens, Chief?”

She shrugged, “I’ve never done it before, ma’am. If I may speak freely, I don’t feel all that comfortable right now about them getting onto a classified ship, no.”

Meghan nodded, “I understand, Chief, but we need their help. Kissing their asses isn’t necessary, but be polite at least.”

Williams laughed, “Glad kissing turians won’t be called for then, ma’am.”

Meghan grinned, “Just in case, you should always ask which cheek.”

“Do they even have those kind of cheeks?” Williams grinned at Meghan’s startled laugh.

“Thanks, Chief. I needed that.”

“Anytime, ma’am.” Meghan exited the elevator feeling much better. It was amazing what laughter could help with. She stood out on the loading dock, the artificial atmosphere laden with exhaust fumes and the burnt ozone of ship drive discharge. The embryonic good mood evaporated, though, when Meghan caught sight of Udina standing and waiting for them just outside the Normandy’s airlock. It was only marginally alleviated by Anderson’s presence standing next to him. Alenko ushered the assorted team members aboard ship, leaving the commanders to deal with the ambassador.

Udina’s craggy face broke into a broad grin as Alexis approached him, followed by her team. Meghan walked a little faster to catch up to stand slightly behind and to her left side. Ella took up a similar position on Alexis’ right. “I’ve got big news for you, Shepard!” He sounded far too excited. Meghan narrowed her eyes. “Captain Anderson is stepping down as commanding officer of the Normandy!” The odious man practically crowed. “The ship is yours now!” Meghan’s eyes shot to the Old Man. Rage at the injustice bubbled in her stomach as she listened to the man that had guided their careers humbly reassure them that his forced retirement was necessary.

Meghan struggled to pay attention through her desire to pin Udina down and demand he fix this situation as Lex questioned the ambassador and Anderson about any leads they might have. Judging from what they were saying, Artemis Tau was the only one they had. They needed to find Liara T’Soni, Matriarch Benezia’s daughter and find out what she knew about her mother’s plans. When Udina finally left, the three commanders attempted to pin Anderson down about the rumors of his Spectrehood and his past with the renegade turian. The captain shook his head, “No time to get into that now, Commanders. You have a mission to accomplish.” Before any of them could say a word, he walked around them, his shoulders held back and his head high and entered the elevator. Meghan drew herself to attention, her heels clicking together, and saluted, body rigid until he met her eyes and returned the salute. Her stomach twisted as the doors closed on him. 

Ella’s hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present and she turned to look at her friend, belatedly realizing her eyes were burning. There was no way she was going to break down here, though. She took a deep breath and nodded at her fellow commanders. Alexis’ ‘tool pinged and with a sigh, the war hero flared it open. “Well, they wasted no time in pissing all over Anderson. I’ve got our orders already.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Meghan fought the urge to march down and rip Udina’s spine out through his nose.

“The corpse isn’t even cold,” Ella interjected.

“I don’t like it either, but we have our orders. Even Anderson would agree with that.” Alexis closed her ‘tool. “C’mon, let’s go pretend we’re ready to command a starship.”

The three of them entered the ship and silently waited for decontamination to finish. None of them felt good about the method in which Alexis had been given her first command. With a reluctant glance at both Ella and Meghan, Alexis headed for the bridge and stood behind Joker, Meghan taking up a position behind her, next to Ella.

“I heard what happened to Captain Anderson. Survives a hundred battles and then gets taken down by backroom politics.” Meghan was not surprised at how fast the speed of scuttlebutt traveled. “Just watch your backs. Things go bad on this mission, all of you are on the chopping block.”

Alexis glanced back at Meghan and Ella, “Anderson should be the one in charge. It’s like we’re stealing the ship from him.” Meghan felt herself nodding in agreement and caught Ella doing the same out of the corner of her eye.

“Yeah, the captain got screwed. But it’s not like you could have stopped it. No one’s blaming you,” he turned in his chair to look at Ella, “any of you.” Turning back to Alexis, he continued, “Everyone on this ship is behind all three of you, Commander. One hundred percent. Intercom’s open.” Meghan turned as Navigator Pressly joined them on the small bridge.

Alexis nodded and flared her ‘tool again to read her orders over the comm. “From Admiral Steven Hackett, Fifth Fleet, Alliance Navy to Lieutenant Commander Alexis Shepard, Alliance Navy. Madam: You are hereby directed and required to proceed aboard the _SSV Normandy_ , there to take upon yourself the duties and responsibilities of commanding officer in the service of the Alliance. Fail this charge at your peril. By order of Admiral Steven Hackett, Fifth Fleet, Alliance Navy.” Alexis must have heard Pressly’s approach, and she turned to him to say, “Navigator Pressly, I assume command.”

“Lieutenant Commander Shepard,” the Navigator replied formally, “You have command.”

The new commanding officer of the _SSV Normandy_ leaned back over Joker to speak directly into the comm, formality put aside. “This is Commander Alexis Shepard speaking. We have our orders: find Saren before he finds the Conduit. I won’t lie to you, crew. This mission isn’t going to be easy. This began with an attack on a human settlement in the Traverse. But we know Saren won’t stop there. His geth armies aren’t going to stay on the fringes of Citadel space. For too long, our species has stood apart from the others. Now it’s time for us to step up and do our part for the rest of the galaxy! Time to show them what humans are made of. Our enemy knows we’re coming. When we go into the Traverse, Saren’s followers will be waiting for us. But we’ll be ready for them, too. This is the most important mission any of us have ever been on. The fate of an entire galaxy is at stake! We will stop Saren! No matter what the cost!”

Meghan swallowed the lump in her throat. Apparently, being the PR poster girl for so long had helped hone Alexis’ oratory talents. She met Alexis’ eye, nodded and turned to walk aft and toward Marine country where she could get out of her armor. _McKean. Tremaine. Foraker. Jenkins. Saren would pay._


	16. Interlude:  Intel

he wall of glass dimmed automatically as the sun set behind a spectacular view of Singapore's skyline. The lean, elderly woman sitting at the large desk in the middle of the room had her back to the over-sized window, completely ignoring the glorious lightshow behind her as she lightly tapped her fingers together in thought.

"Ma'am."

The woman's gaze sharpened, her hard brown eyes focusing on the young man who'd quietly slipped into her office. His impeccable suit was crisp, his black hair smooth, his poker face only marred by a slight squint as he glanced at the backlit executive before him.

"Yes, Johnson?" The woman's voice was slow and rich, a husky purr underlying the words.

"Reports show increased _watchdog_ activity ma'am." The young man came to a stop next to the desk, his posture suspiciously similar to a parade rest. "Most notably as regards the closed Council meeting and the former-Alliance frigate the _SSV Normandy_."

"Former?"

"Yes, ma'am. It has been released from the Alliance Fifth Fleet, and is listed as "unavailable" in the registry, with a note to contact the Council directly for further information. It's under the command of Lieutenant Commander Alexis Shepard. The full crew list is classified, but we should have a copy by morning."

"Hmm. Keep an eye on it, obviously, and get me the Shepard dossier to review. I also need a breakdown of all known _watchdog_ activity."

"For how far back?" The assistant asked, tilting his head to the side.

"All of it."

The smooth young man's eyes widened briefly, but he recovered quickly and nodded slightly. "Of course ma'am. It will be on your desk when you come in tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, Johnson," the woman nodded back as she rose from her seat. "I'll see you promptly at seven-thirty, then. Have a good night." She swept slowly out of the room, her heels clicking slightly against the tile as she disappeared down the hallway.


	17. Missing Shore Leave

Ella Shepard nodded to Navigator Pressly as she passed him on her way back to the cockpit after her quick change into ship-board utilities. She paused by the turn to the airlock, listening to Flight Lieutenant Moreau as he coached the pretty young Lieutenant Quinn through the undocking procedure. Her head was bent towards the console, her short dark hair falling smoothly to her chin as she concentrated on his lesson. Joker sounded remarkably patient, considering how easy he would undoubtedly find the maneuver. Not that Quinn was bad, or letting an iota of her probable case of nerves show, but flying out of the Serpent Nebula presumably hadn’t been on her list of things to do when she’d gotten up in the morning.

“Good news, Lieutenants,” she called out, amused to see Quinn jump slightly in surprise, though Joker hadn’t twitched a bit. “We're lifting your flight embargo, Moreau, as the Commander and I would rather one of our less experienced pilots didn’t crash us into a volus freighter or a turian shuttle. Bad for the Alliance rep, and all that.”

“Aye ma’am,” Quinn sighed, her grey eyes closing in one slow blink of relief. 

Joker aimed Shepard one quick grin over his shoulder before taking over, the holographic displays flashing orange under his hands as he gently slid the _Normandy_ into Citadel space. Shepard had been given navigator shifts on every ship she’d served on, and she had to admit, even if only to herself, that Joker hadn’t exaggerated. He certainly looked like the best damn helmsman she’d ever seen. The lead pilot on the last ship she’d been on, while technically proficient and obviously enjoying himself, hadn’t flown like Joker. He made piloting seem more art than science, his fingers dancing and flying, sure and swift and strong, the Normandy barely intruding on the Citadel’s heavy traffic patterns at all.

“You are a joy to watch, helmsman,” Shepard admitted from her post behind his chair. “Good with those hands.” _And that was a lousy way to say that. Left the door wide open for …_

“Any time you want a _private_ demonstration, ma’am, just say the word,” Joker’s voice practically slithered through the cockpit, but his attention never wavered from his work.

Lieutenant Quinn shifted uncomfortably in her chair, rather obviously avoiding looking at either of her superiors.

“And what would you do if I took you up on that?” Shepard leaned over Joker’s chair, whispering directly into his ear. “Officer’s locker-room, two hours after shift change?”  
She barely avoided snickering as the pilot’s hands paused, and he shot her a surprised look out of the corner of his eyes. “Yeah, didn’t think so,” Shepard continued at a more normal volume as she straightened back up. “No one who flies like that,” she nodded at the consoles, “would risk getting grounded just ‘cause he couldn’t keep it in his pants.” 

“How do you know?” Joker’s voice was light and even, almost innocent sounding. “Maybe you’re just that irresistible, ma’am. Can’t help myself.”

“Right, I'm sure that ending your career by being brought up on fraternization charges has always been a dream of yours.” Shepard bit her lip to stop herself from grinning, trying to keep her voice serious. “If it helps, imagine how pissed I’ll be if I have to go searching for something to help me shatter those shinbones of yours when they take away my guns.”

Joker’s sharp bark of laughter seemed to startle Quinn, whose increasingly pale face suggested she couldn’t tell if the two officers were joking or not. “Normal people have been known to break me by accident, ma’am. You shouldn’t have much trouble. Besides, if you really didn’t want to get your hands dirty, you could just break me with your mind. No heavy objects required.”

"Hmm, good point." Shepard nodded slightly. "Have to keep that in mind the next time you can't remember when to keep your mouth shut."

"Why would I ever bother to do that?"

"Violent vanguard commanding officer?" Shepard suggested. "The terrible reputation of the Butcher of Torfan? Usually considered scary?"

"Nah. Don't see it. Might change my mind if you get all glowy and shit." Joker shrugged slightly. "Might decide you look good in blue though, and then where would you be?"

"Getting written up for using my biotics on a fellow officer," Shepard laughed. "Which would also get my guns taken away, so probably not worth it. Guess I'll just have to put up with you. Try to keep the blatant insubordination and innuendo down low enough I can pretend to ignore it, alright Lieutenant?"

"You started it, with that thing you said I’m not allowed to comment on.”

“You really want to give me an excuse to think up some alternative punishment, Moreau?”

“No ma'am, I’ll behave." Joker sighed dramatically. "Take all the fun out of everything. Something they teach you in grunt school?"

"Right after we name our guns and learn the secret marine handshake."

“What’d you name yours?”

Quinn’s nervous giggle reminded Shepard she had more to do than see whether she or the pilot could get the last word in.

“None of your damn business, Moreau. I’m off to help the Commander get moved into her new quarters. You’re nav-on-deck, Quinn. Have fun getting us out into the back of beyond, alright?”

“Aye, aye, ma’am,” Quinn’s clear voice answered immediately. “I always do. Have fun. Navigating, that is. I’ll be quiet now,” she finished on a mumble.

Shepard gave her flight Lieutenants one last nod, shooting Quinn a sympathetic smile before turning on her heel to head down the CIC towards the stairs. She and her Shepards had quite the bull-session ahead of them. Hunting Saren, and Geth, and the Conduit, whatever the fuck that was. And only one vague lead about an asari archaeologist somewhere out on the Far Rim to help them. They were in so far over their heads she wasn’t sure which way was up. _At least I’ve got good company for when I drown, right?_

Walking past the mess, her eye was caught by someone working on a console near the door to the CO’s quarters: _Meghan’s Lieutenant. Lex’s Lieutenant? Hmm, maybe I should check on the poor man before they drive him crazy between them? Or I could help speed up the process? Decisions, decisions..._

“Whachya up to, Alenko?”

“There was a glitch in the starboard heat monitors,” the Lieutenant’s voice trailed off as he glanced over at her. “Tech shit, ma’am.”

Ella smiled at him in surprise. “You’re sneaky, aren’t you? All gorgeous and polite, professional marine, ‘Ma’am,’ and then wham, slide in the sarcasm when no one’s looking. The offer to breed a bunch of baby Alenkos for you still stands, you know.”

“Um,” his eyes widened a bit as he apparently struggled for a diplomatic response.

“And you blush! I so have to make you do that more often.” She snorted one quick laugh before she managed to control herself. “Sorry. It’s been a long couple days, and I think my last proper sleep was en route to my interrupted shore leave on Arcturus, what, three days ago? Four? I have completely lost track. My edit man appears to have collapsed in exhausted frustration. Please tell me if I’m too outrageous before filing the sexual harassment charges, alright?”

The unfairly handsome man lifted one eyebrow at her. _Damn! Sexy eyebrows. Didn’t know that was possible_. “You have met my friend Joker, right? If I haven’t strangled him in his sleep yet, I think I can handle you.” The blush that had mostly faded as she talked returned as he realized what he’d said.

“Ooh! Handled. Promise?”

“No.” 

“Aww,” she sighed, glad his smile had given away the fact that she hadn’t actually managed to insult the man. “Sometimes command track is just no fun. I should probably pretend to behave, huh?”

“Might be a good idea, ma’am.” His expression was completely serious. _How does he do that?_ “If only so you remember how when dealing with the brass.”

“Ah, most of the brass is afraid I’ll shoot them. Saying something inappropriate tends to make them feel better,” she suggested earnestly, delighted when he permitted a slight chuckle to escape. She bit her lip slightly before nerving herself up to continue. “You don’t seem worried I’ll shoot you, however. Most Marine detachments are sure I’m going to try and get them killed.”

“You hung around a bomb rather than leave Private Fredricks, ma’am.” Alenko shrugged slightly. “That’d be impressive in an engineer, much less a vanguard with your particular tech ability.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t seem that worried even before Eden Prime went sideways.” 

“The ... other Commanders obviously trust you, ma’am.” He shifted very slightly on his feet. 

“Ah.” _Obviously something more to that answer, but I should probably stop distracting both of us from our work. Will just have to keep an eye on him_. ‘Cause that’ll be such a hardship. “Well, then. Thank you, Lieutenant. Good luck with your tech shit.”

“Commander,” he nodded briefly before turning back to his work.

She entered the Captain’s quarters to find Lex standing in the middle of the room, staring around with a slight scowl creasing her brow, Meg placing a tray of sandwiches she’d presumably coerced out of the ‘chef onto the table in the front of the room.

“We’re on our way to Artemis Tau,” Ella announced without preamble. “Our charts show four systems with known Prothean sites, so barring some useful chatter from the locals when we get there, we get to scan all four and hope we run across our mysterious scientist sooner rather than later.”

“How long?” Lex glanced over at Ella as she finished her announcement.

“Well, it is just about as far from the Citadel as possible without entering Dark Space or the Terminus Systems. We get to twiddle our thumbs for a couple days.”

“I’m going to go insane cooped up on this ship for that long.” Meghan snatched a half sandwich off the tray and dropped gracelessly into a chair. “May go pick a fight with the battlemaster for the hell of it.”

“Try not to put any holes in my first command,” Lex suggested wryly as she abandoned her survey and joined them by the table.

“Besides, wouldn’t you rather put the cop in his place?” Ella grinned as she fell into a chair of her own.

Meghan snorted, getting another sandwich, “Too easy. Doubt C-Sec trains their people in more than standard self-defense. Turian military does better, but not by much. Hell, our N training was woefully inadequate. I had to go outside the military.” Only Meg would call N-7 hand-to-hand combat training inadequate.

“I wouldn’t want to have to figure out where to hit them with those plates all over their skin,” Ella snorted, as she grabbed a sandwich of her own before Meg could steal them all.

Meghan shrugged. “It’s no tougher than hitting the sole of a boot. But then, you two didn’t take Turians 101 in N training. Not that you could punch hard enough to dent a tin can, Ella.” The blonde grinned widely at the brunette.

“See how much you’re laughing when I keep you floating up by the ceiling out of hitting range next time we spar,” Ella briefly considered sticking her tongue out, but opted for eating instead.

“Bah,” Meghan said, waving her hand dismissively, “You _warp_ just like everything else. Besides, you’d have to catch me, first.”

“I’ll just shoot you both while you’re busy trying to one-up each other,” Lex interrupted with a sly smile. “Done now? We do have work to do tonight, you know.”

“Yes, Mom,” Meg drawled.

“You’re no fun,” Ella grinned.

“So, what’s on the agenda, Lex?” Meghan asked.

“Before we start,” Ella interrupted, “can I just have a moment to go ‘holy crap they entrusted us with a ship and made us super-secret-Spectres’? Cause, damn. Not what I was expecting this morning.”

Lex grinned. “No, they entrusted _me_ with a ship. I’m just letting you both tag along so you don’t end up hitchhiking across the galaxy.”

Ella did stick her tongue out that time, before grabbing a second sandwich. 

“Like you’d want to do this without us tagging along, Ms. Poster Girl.”

Lex took a sandwich of her own. “Please, I’m saving you from a throng of asari right now, Meg.” 

“What?” Ella glanced around in confusion. “What’d the asari do to Meg? Or Meg do to the asari?”

“When we first went to Chora’s Den, it appears that some of the local flavor asari there took a shine to our Meg.”

“Aw, the big bad marine doesn’t like it when the blue ladies hit on her?” Ella snickered slightly.

“There’s hitting on me. And then there’s rubbing on me like a dog in heat.” Meghan shuddered visibly.

“Hence, the me saving you part,” Lex said in between bites of her food.

“Huhn. And here I thought you were saving the Lieutenant.” Meghan grinned. “Who seems to share my asari irresistibly. Must be that great ass of his.”

Ella sighed in agreement. “It is completely unfair that one man be that gorgeous. And nice. And off-limits.”

“I hate regs.” Meghan stared at her sandwich as if it was part of the offence.

“Like you’ve ever met a regulation you wouldn’t break with the proper incentive.”

Meghan sighed and smiled dreamily, “That ass may be the proper incentive.”

Ella chucked her sandwich crust at Meghan to break her out of her daydream. “Like you’d do that to Lex, on her first command. Not that I disagree with the sentiment.”

Lex had finished her first sandwich and was mostly through her second when she finally spoke back up. “So about what we need to do...” she said, trying to change the subject.

“Oh, C’mon, Lex. I saw you checking out the view a time or two. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t jump that. That shore leave was short for all of us.” Meghan scowled and threw the sandwich crust back at Ella.

Ella flicked her fingers, a blue shimmer tossing the crust vaguely towards the trash can in the corner. She then turned her grin towards Lex as well. “You’re avoiding gushing about the handsome man standing outside your quarters. Explain yourself.”

Lex shook her head. “Nothing to explain, ladies. I’ve got a ship to run, a dozen reports to get through. Not to mention a rogue Spectre to track down. My lack of sex life is surely a low priority at this point.”

“Hmm.” Ella scowled suspiciously. 

“I call bullshit.” Meghan slouched further in her chair.

“Damn straight,” Ella agreed. “If you can’t acknowledge he’s a damn handsome man, it’s ‘cause you think he’s more than that.”

Lex sighed and tossed the rest of her second sandwich away. “Fine. He’s a damn handsome man. _However_ , it doesn’t matter. He’s my subordinate, not some of piece of ass we saw on shore leave.”

"I don't expect you to jump the poor man in the locker room, but if you try and live in denial you'll only drive yourself crazy.” Ella paused. “Crazier?"

“She’s right, Lex. Live like a nun and you’ll drive yourself nuts after awhile and take us with you.” Meghan folded her hands across her flat, full stomach “But damn, we helped each other suit up this morning and I needed a cold shower after.”

Lex quirked an eyebrow at Meghan. “Is that so? Got designs on your second-in-command yourself, Meg?” 

“Heh, I might. I could use a nice roll in the hay.” Meghan stretched luxuriously. “Not that I’d jeopardize your authority for a quick shag, Lex.”

“Gee, thanks,” Lex said dryly.

“Oh, c’mon. I have more sense than that.” Meghan put her arms down.

“You sure about that?” Ella asked.

Meghan snorted, “Yes, I’m sure. I promise to not grab the LT’s nice ass.”

“Much,” Lex added.

“Hey, I’m not the one who got thrown into him and decided to hang out.” Meghan looked pointedly at Ella.

“What? He’s a much more comfortable landing then the wall or the floor, and I speak from way too much experience with those last two.”

“So, did you cop a feel?” Meghan grinned mischievously at Ella.

“Who, me? Would I do that?” Ella paused with a bit of a smirk. “When I’m on duty, that is?”

“You said the LT was right outside the door, right?” Meghan asked, her lips drawn into a smirk.

“Leave the poor man out of this, Meghan,” Lex said.

“Tech shit,” Ella answered, before turning to Lex. “Sorry mom. Been avoiding work too long, have we?”  
Sighing heavily, Meghan turned to Alexis, “All right. What do we need to plan?”

“Well, for one, we need to figure out how we are going to split up this motley crew we’ve gained,” Lex said.

“Get them all used to working together?” Ella winced slightly. “That’s gonna be fun.”

“Not just that. We need to make sure each group has at least a tech at all times. I’d like to avoid any of us being put on the spot again if possible,” Lex said. “Who do we have with tech skills? Alenko, Vakarian, and Tali’Zorah? Anyone else?”

“Not who also have anything beyond basic combat skills.” Ella sighed. “Besides, I doubt Adams would let any of his ship-techs out of his sight, since he’s got so few of them.”

“Yeah, no offense to Adams’ people, but I don’t want anyone watching my six that can’t shoot worth a damn.”

“Even Navy brats can shoot. Bet they’re even worse than I am at ducking, though.”

“You do suck at ducking.” Meghan grinned.

“Most people don’t hit hard enough it’s worth the time.” Ella suggested. “‘Cept you. And probably the krogan.”

Lex laughed slightly. “I’d bet the krogan hits a bit worse than Meg. But back to business, Tali’zorah with you, and Vakarian with Meg?”

“Oh, no, wait just one fucking minute!” Meghan began while at the same time Ella replied, an innocent expression widening her eyes. “I like Tali. Reminds me of my cousin Marisa.”

“Problem, Meg?” Lex asked.

“You are not saddling me with the goddamned cop. And... the fact that you’re giving us them, means you’re keeping that gorgeous LT for yourself!” 

“That ‘cop’ watches you like a hawk on the battlefield,” Lex said, complete with air quotes.

“Did you not notice how well you worked together at Chora’s Den?” Ella added. “You two had exquisite timing. Like an old married couple.”

“Fuck you both and the horses you rode in on. Dammit. He wouldn’t stay the fuck down!” Meghan crossed her arms and glared at both women.

“And yet, neither of you got shot in the head.” Ella said. “Despite chattering loudly enough I doubt the bad guys even had to look to aim at you.”

Meghan snorted, “I’m loud, so I get the cop? And he _does not_ watch me!”

“Why don’t you check the suit footage from one of our suits and see for yourself?” Lex suggested, her smile widening at watching Meghan squirm.

"To be fair, he watches everything. Cop instincts." Ella added seriously. "But his fighting style balances yours perfectly, Meg."

“Fuck. I’d rather be techless. Just give me Williams. She holds her own.”

“Williams is the shit, yes, but being techless is fucking awful,” Ella scowled. 

“Fine. Trade me the quarian. Since our esteemed CO won’t give up the LT.”

“Neither the LT or Tali would yank you behind cover if you needed it,” Ella pointed out. “They’d believe you when you claim you’re invulnerable.”

“So you’re doing this for my own good?” Meghan’s voice rose incredulously. “You’ve got to be shitting me.” Meghan glared at Alexis again, “He had the gall to question Akuze, for fuck’s sake.”

“And what exactly did he question?” Lex prodded gently. “Did he say he’d have done things differently? That you were wrong?”

“That I shouldn’t be optimistic about Kahoku’s men,” Meghan replied sullenly.

“‘Cause that’s not a perfectly reasonable reaction to a disappearing marine squad?” Ella’s hand’s clenched as she remembered the worry, terror and agony she and Lex had gone through when Meg’s squad disappeared into the black. “Whether any of us had ever heard of Akuze or not?”

Meghan looked away, “You know I have to cling to that or I’ll lose it, Shepard.”

“And we didn’t say you shouldn’t,” Lex answered softly. “But not everything anyone else says has anything to do with us, or where we’ve been, or what we’ve done. It doesn’t sound like he was thinking about Akuze at all, just being pragmatic.”

“Fucking hell. Fine, I’ll take the damned cop. Can we just go back to talking about the LT’s ass?” Meghan wiped at her eyes.

“Sure thing, Meg, right after we finish up with a few more details. Since we don’t have enough people to evenly divide into full teams right now, I think it’d be best to evaluate each mission as we get it and decide whom to place where for the remaining spots.”

“Need a training schedule too,” Ella said. “Get all the teamwork kinks ironed out. We can pawn that off on Williams, she’s got a good training record. Love a good NCO.”

“I think she’s actually the one who beat out McKean for the gunny promotion.” Meghan shrugged, plainly trying to get her emotions under control and discuss their personnel.

“Without ever having a shipboard posting? She must be even better at her job then it looks in the file.”

“I guess so. She did all right on Eden Prime. So, where are we going first?” Meghan asked.

“The most efficient sweep from the relay has us routing through the Athens system first, so that’s where Moreau’s heading, unless we get any more news next time we link with a comm buoy.” Ella shrugged. “Nothing like trying to find one tiny person in the expanse of an entire cluster.”

“Forget needle in a haystack, try an atom in a nebula.”

“Oooh, poetic, Meg. Your ratios are a little off, though. Maybe a rock in a nebula?”

“Picky. Picky.”

Ella winked, before turning back to Lex. “We’ll need to meet with Adams and Pressly tomorrow to work on figuring out the best tech coverage for ship’s systems, since we’re running light, but that can definitely wait. Anything else we need to figure out tonight? Ma’am?”

“God, I hope not. I need my beauty sleep. And don’t think I didn’t notice you not talking about why you want the LT on your team, Lex. I’m on to you,” Meghan said, standing up and stretching.

“Ah, she just doesn’t want to baby-sit the quarian. Only child syndrome, and all that.” Ella paused as she stood up too. “And if anyone believes that, I’ll let the krogan play with my shotgun next landing.”

“Much as I’d like to see you share with the merc, Ella... our fearless leader just wants that ass all to herself.” Meghan and Ella looked at Alexis and the ex-gang member laughed, “See? She’s blushing!”

“And now she’s taking advantage of her brand new fearless leader status and kicking us out,” Ella snickered as Lex attempted to scowl and point them towards the door. “We’re shooing. Ma’am. See you at PT in the AM.” Ella couldn’t stop grinning, Meg outright laughing next to her as they headed out the door.

Turning to Ella after the door closed behind them, Meghan whispered, “You think he’s still there?”

Ella shrugged, and called out as they turned the corner, “Still doing your tech shit, Alenko?” She glanced over at the now quiet console where he’d been working. “Apparently not.”

Meghan giggled, “I hope that room is more sound-proof than it looks.”

Ella’s eyes widened for a moment in horror. “CO’s quarters usually are on a frigate, but who knows what they did for the crazy prototype. Crap.”

“Guess we’ll find out in the morning. If, you know, he avoids being in the locker room with us.” 

“Or does that adorable blushing thing again.” Ella grinned, her good mood restored at the mental image. _If it’s not sound-proofed, after all, the damage has already been done. Not much we can do about it now_. “Night, night, Meg.”

Meghan wandered to the autochef, “Night, Ella.”

Shuddering slightly at the thought of dealing with the satanic piece of technology again, Ella headed off to the locker room for the third time that day. Fourth? She needed sleep. Proper sleep, not freaky prothean-induced black-out sleep. Regular sleep sounded wonderful, even in a sleeper-pod. _Dear Mama, you would not fucking, oops, sorry. Dear Mama, you would not believe the day I just had ..._


	18. Claire de Lune

_Alexis pressed herself against the wall next to the open door, listening intently as a batarian spoke on the other side. She couldn’t quite make out what was being said, but she gripped her pistol tightly in her hands, the chill of biotic energy racing down her spine. There was only one reason batarians would be here. As she readied herself to go in and put a stop to this, the report of a single gun resounded in the air._

_Quickly stepping away from the wall and into the room, she found the room remarkably empty – save a lone batarian body and a waifish girl standing over it. Her dingy brown hair covered her face, and she held a pistol loosely in one hand. There were no other children, no other batarians. Just these two._

_She moved towards the girl, keeping her own pistol in her hand but lowered. “What happened here?”_

_“The eyes. The eyes are always watching,” the girl replied, her voice hollow._

_“Did he attack you?” she asked as she stopped next to the body. A quick glance showed that the alien had taken a single bullet to the head, execution-style._

_“I had to stop them. They were all watching.”_

_“Them?” Alexis wondered aloud, concern marking her voice. The lights in the room began to flicker, in a strobing effect. Other bodies began to appear and disappear, as if dancing with the lights. Bodies of other humans, of children. Pools of blood spreading from them. With a slight shake to her hand, she pulled her gun up towards the girl. “Why did you do this?”_

_“It was the only way.” The girl still spoke in that strange, hollow voice, and she let the pistol in her hand drop to the ground._

_“There is always another way. How could you kill them all?” she demanded, the lights in the room still flickering with their macabre scene._

_“There was no saving them.”_

_“No one is saved.... The age of humanity is ended! Soon… only ruin and corpses will remain!” a hissing voice said from the shadows, as all but the light over the body suddenly shut off._

_Shepard quickly spun towards the sound, training her pistol in the same direction. She could vaguely see a thin form in the shadows, rocking slightly. “Come out where I can see you.”_

_High pitched giggling emanated from the shadows, the rocking form staying obscured. “See? What is there to see? We have already unleashed the darkness, the beast...”_

_She glanced briefly down to the batarian corpse that still lay, accented by the solitary light; the girl still standing next to it in statuesque silence. However, the giggling in the shadows grew more shrill. Stepping away from the light, Alexis took a step closer to the other figure in the room, keeping her gun between her and whatever was there._

_“There’s no hope... no hope.” The gigging changed to a shrieking laugh. “But, I can see our future. Our destruction....” the hissing voice continued. As she neared, she could see the bony hands wringing themselves together. Long, talon like fingers._

_The laughter shifted sharply to a shrill metallic scream, causing her to wince as the sound echoed around her. Her stomach flopped nervously with dread, and she took a step backward as she kept her eyes locked on the figure in the shadows. It had stopped rocking and just stood there, as the screaming continued to build in the air._

_A hand suddenly wrapped itself around her ankle. She jumped away from the movement, her eyes darting to the ground, to find the batarian lying there, his arm stretched out to where she had been standing. His skin had turned to a grey hue, with flecks of blue tracing out from his eyes and mouth. His stubby fingers had been replaced with long, talon-like fingers…_

_A second voice joined the high-pitched whine in the air, a low inhuman groan, coming back from the shadows. I have got to get out of here, she thought to herself and started to move back towards the entrance to the room, as the lights began their hypnotic dance once more. From the shadows, the bodies of the dead children from earlier started to reappear. This time, blood no longer pooled out from them; instead, their skin had turned that sickly grey, marked with the same blue etchings. One by one, the bodies slowly clambered to their feet, jerking their rigid bodies with each deliberate movement._

_No matter where she looked, the bodies rose to their feet, looking in her direction, and inching closer as the lights flickered. The horrid cacophony of sounds that grew louder still, causing her head to spin, ache. Wasn’t the door this way? Except there was nothing but those corpses lurching towards her. In every direction, as the lights flickered, there was nothing but barren, solid walls behind the flood of bodies._

_“There is no escape,” the girl’s hollow voice called out._

_Shepard felt a jolt of crackling energy skitter across her skin from behind her. She whirled around, only to find that the girl was standing there, away from her previous spot. That body too rising to its feet. She reached out towards Shepard, blue electricity exuding from her limbs, and the world flashed a violent red briefly. Glimpses of synthetics and that dreadnought ever present._

_“We are your destruction,” a ghastly robotic voice sounded._

~*~

Alexis awoke with a start, a cool sheen of sweat coating her body. Sitting up, her eyes darted around the darkened room, as she felt her heart slam against her chest and the cool tingle of her biotics flooding down into her fingers. _It was just a fucking dream_ , she sighed and fell back against her pillow briefly, reaching for the chrono. _0218\. Damn, little over two hours of sleep_. She bit back another sigh and jumped out of bed. There wasn’t a chance in hell she was going to back to sleep, nightmare or not. She might as well do something productive. Going over to her desk, she uploaded some Beethoven, Mozart, Rachmaninov, and Schumann into her earbud before changing into her workout clothes.

The workout itself was just what she needed right now. Nothing like a quiet 45 minute run with some of her favorite dead people to keep her company, as the music blared into her ears. Given the time, none of the other crew were in the facility, and when she finished, she was able to shower and quick-change in the Officer’s locker room without another soul around. _All in all, not a completely terrible way to start the day. Minus the nightmare_ , she thought to herself as she made her way from the lockers to the mess. 

She immediately started up a pot of coffee before idly programming in her food choice to _Julia,_ and glancing to the nearest chrono as she waited. _0347_. She poured herself a cup of coffee and then grabbed the bowl of eggs that the food processor just turned out, taking the food and coffee over to the mess table. At least she would have all the reports that the Old Man had left for her to help her pass the time. And a pot of coffee to call her own. It was rare to have to share the liquid caffeine in the wee hours of the morning on a ship posting at least. Those awake were working while the rest of the crew slept. _Except for the crazy insomniac CO_.

Drumming her fingers idly against the table, she began devouring the rather bland eggs as she skimmed over one of the ship reports. She was definitely going to need Ella’s help with some of these items. Hell, Meg’s too. There were too many variables that had been introduced by the various aliens that they had brought aboard on this mission. She was going to have to lean on her command staff. _Fuck, that’s going to take time to get used to._

“Oh, uhm, good morning, Commander,” Alenko’s warm voice said with a note of surprise, interrupting her thoughts.

She glanced briefly up from the reports to see the lieutenant entering the mess area, wearing only his workout clothes. Tight, muscle-clinging clothes. _Quit staring!_ she reminded herself as she forced her eyes back down to the datapad on the table. “Good morning, Lieutenant.”

“I didn’t, uh, expect to see you up this early,” she heard him say, accompanied by the soft sound of feet against the floor as he moved closer.

She drummed her fingers lightly against the datapad a moment before looking back up. The lieutenant was now standing opposite the table, and it was rather difficult to keep her eyes from admiring his physique. “Come to find out, the difference between being CO and XO, is a ton of more paperwork to be reviewed, signed and filed. I figured the quiet time could help me get caught up.”

“Have you been at it all night?” he asked with a curious tilt to his head.

“Not all night.” She made a slight gesture for him to sit. “Just the parts where I couldn’t sleep.”

“And how many of those parts were there?” he asked as he sat down.

“Define parts.”

“That bad, huh?” 

_Mary Kingsley. Manuel. All those dead._ The images came flashing back, but she did her best to ignore them. “Just a couple of parts.”

“Hours or minutes?” he asked with a chuckle.

She gave it a momentary thought. “About two hours.”

The lieutenant looked at her for a moment. “If there’s anything I can do to help... let me know?”

“I’ll be fine, soldier. That’s what all the coffee is for,” she said, her eyes drifting back down to the datapad full of reports in front of her.

“Of course.... ma’am,” he said standing back up.

 _Shit. I wasn’t trying to run him off_. Truth be told, the break in the quiet was nice. She glanced back up from the report, placing her hands over the screen. “So what dragged you out of bed at this hour?”

“The commander called an early meeting. Thought I’d get a work out in first. Care to join me, ma’am?” he asked.

 _Yes!_ Her mind immediately raced back to the smell of hot, sweaty marine that had tempted her back on Eden Prime. “No, thanks for the offer, though,” she somehow managed to say as she regretted the fact that she had already put in an hour work out before this so-called breakfast. “It’s amazing how much of a habit morning PT is, don’t you think? The Captain would drag me out of bed every morning for PT. I was about 6 when that started.” _Oh god... why did I just say that! Just play it cool, dummy!_

He gave her a curious look as he blinked. “Six? That couldn’t have been fun,” he said, sinking back down in the chair in front of him.

“‘Fun’ isn’t really an option with the Captain,” she explained.

“Military family?” he guessed.

She nodded. “Navy. Both parents.”

“My father retired just before the First Contact War. But you can take the man out of the Corps, but not the Corps out of the man,” the lieutenant recited. It certainly sounded like something that he must have heard often. “Was the captain your mother or father?”

“Mother. My father retired while he was still a lieutenant.”

“So you’re a spacer brat?” he asked just before a blush crept along his face. “.... er, ma’am?”

 _Damn, I didn’t know blushing could be so sexy_. She grinned a bit. “As much as any other military kid. But, I’ve certainly spent more time in space than I ever have planetside.”

“What was it like? Growing up on a ship?”

She shrugged slightly. “Oh hell, I don’t know,” she said trying to think back on the various ships and stations she was shuttled between as a kid. “It was always crowded, with little to no privacy. Lots of off-limit areas, and everyone knowing exactly whose kid I was.” She half laughed. “Kind of like living on a starship now, to be honest.”

Alenko leaned back slightly, looking around at a few crew members stumbling into the mess. “It does sound familiar.”

She took a sip of her coffee that she had almost forgotten about while he glanced about the room. “So where does a marine retire to raise his family?”

“A house in Vancouver that matured to beach front property. Where’s the Captain stationed?”

“She’s the XO of the SSV Kiliminjaro last I heard.”

His lips twitched into a small half smile. “Heard? Guess you’re not close.”

She smiled herself, holding back the laugh at the back of her throat. “The fact that I refer to her by rank wasn’t a clue, huh?”

That elicited another smile from him. She could get used to getting those. “Well... it was subtle. Needed to be sure. What about your father?”

“Uh...” she paused, feeling a sickly knot suddenly in her stomach. _Oh, damn it, Dad. I’ve got to run..._ “... we were close. Before... before he passed away.”

A look of shock, or maybe it was horror, crossed his face. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean...”

She shook her head, doing her best to squash any memory trying to surface. “It’s ok. It’s not like it’s common knowledge.”

“Yeah, but I could have been less nosy.”

She gave him a flat look. “I wouldn’t have answered if I thought you were being nosy.”

“Thanks for not trying to fit me into a coffee cup with a biotic field anyway, ma’am.” He smiled softly again.

“And risk wasting coffee?” 

“Good point,” he said with a laugh. “What Marine would do that?” He paused a moment as he stood back up. “I should probably get going if I’m going to make that meeting.”

 _Fuck. I’ve been talking his ear off..._ “Oh, of course, I didn’t mean to keep you from your work out.”

He gave her a long look. _I really wish I could figure out what the hell he was thinking_. The moment was uncomfortably awkward. “Commander.”

“Lieutenant,” she said, a dismissive note in her voice. She watched quietly as the lieutenant left, Meg’s voice in her ear even though the other woman was still asleep, reminding her of just how fine of an ass he had. _And you’re staring again... If only it wasn’t such a great view_. With a bit of a sigh, Alexis returned her attention to the now cold eggs and reports in front of her.

Over the next hour, the rest of the crew left the new CO alone as she kept herself busy with the reports, and three more cups of coffee. It wasn’t until her Omni-tool gave a soft ping that she even realized that one of the several staff meetings scheduled for the day was about to begin. Where she wasn’t required to be at any of them, she felt a certain obligation to look in on them as CO. She trusted her Shepards to help run this ship, but the crew needed to know that she was backing her XO and Marine OIC. She quickly cleaned up her small area in the mess and headed off, datapads in hand to the first meeting.

“Navigator Pressly,” Ella’s tight voice greeted Alexis as she walked into the comm room, and she  
had to hide a shot of amusement as she recognized the ‘extra calm’ voice Ella used when she was trying not to snap at someone. “While your concerns regarding non-Alliance personnel on a prototype frigate are not unreasonable, I duly noted them a quarter of an hour ago, and assured you that none of them will be working in the CIC. Our CO, our Ambassador, and Captain Anderson all cleared them for duty on the _Normandy_ , so it is, to put it bluntly, not your concern.”

“But the quarian ... “ Pressly began quietly before Ella overrode him.

“Is under Engineer Adams’ supervision. If he is satisfied with her intentions, you will have to be as well. He feels she is worth her weight in platinum, and her kind offer of assistance has freed up his tech schedule enough that, with Lieutenant Alenko’s help, we can finagle a full complement for our duty shifts, with everyone only slightly overworked, so you should be grateful. Unless you want to be working double shifts as a tech all week?”

“No, ma’am,” the navigator answered curtly.

“Well then,” Ella allowed a slight sigh, as she glanced up at Alexis, “unless anyone else had a concern they needed addressed?” Alexis’ gaze followed Ella’s as they both surveyed the flight crew. “You all have your duty assignments and schedules. Let me know if something comes up. Dismissed.” There was a slight pause before chairs moved and feet shuffled out the door, a couple quiet conversations audible as the crew reached the CIC. Ella held up a hand before Alexis could open her mouth, and shooting a glance up at the ceiling, added, “that means you too. No eavesdropping. Go back to flying.”

“I’ll have you know, I’ve been flying, but the straight shot to Sparta is almost as dull as scanning Athens, which was quite the least exciting system I’ve ever had to search. Why must you keep giving me boring jobs, and then take away my company while I do them?”

“‘Cause you’re the shit, Moreau, and the only one who can run the con single-handed. Aren’t you the one who told me that? And wouldn’t you rather be bored, then have too much excitement and no witnesses to your amazing skills as you handled it?”

“Huh. Point. And Vorpatril just showed up to keep me company. We’ll be hitting Sparta in five, barring some of that elusive excitement the recruiter promised me way back when.”

“Yeah, cause you’re so ancient and enlisted decades ago. Thank you, Moreau.” Ella rolled her eyes slightly towards Alexis. “That means turn off the damn comm, Lieutenant.”

“Aye, aye, ma’am.” Joker sighed, and the very faint hum of an open communication link finally clicked off. 

“Sounds like you had a fun meeting just now,” Alexis commented.

“Blasphemy. Meetings are never fun. Unless they involve food. And hopefully alcohol.” Ella stood up and pressed her hands to the small of her back, arching to stretch out her muscles with a sigh. “Which this one decidedly did not.”

“Pressly isn’t giving you too much trouble, is he?” 

“Nah. Man’s just a bit too by the book for this particular cruise, I think.” Ella shrugged. “Can’t really blame him. Non-Alliance on a classified ship would be a bit nerve-inducing, even without the whole ‘aliens!’ issues. Which he’s got a bit, but he’s professional enough, he’ll pretend otherwise.”

“Well, Commander, I will leave you to your work. Besides, I’ve got to go look in on this ‘Ground Team Assimilation’ meeting that Meghan posted on the schedule,” Alexis said heading towards the exit of the room.

“Aw, I’m gonna miss her breaking in the krogan? Work sucks.” Ella shot her CO a quick grin as Alexis headed out the door.

“I’m sure there will be at least some breaking. Hopefully not of the hull,” Alexis called back before disappearing around the corner. Hurrying down to Marine Country, Alexis found Meghan standing in front of the motley crew that comprised their ground team now. The two remaining Alliance marines were standing off to one side while Meghan stood in front of the quarian, turian, and krogan. The turian was the only one who seemed to have a passing acquaintance with formal military procedure and sat attentively listening. Wrex looked bored. It was hard to tell with the quarian. 

Meghan crossed her arms and leaned back on one leg, “Wrex, I don’t care if all you think you’re here for is to shoot Saren in the head. It’s going to be a fucking long assed trip till we find that traitorous turian,” a glance at Vakarian and a, “No offense,” “None taken,” in reply and she continued, “and you are not riding on this boat for free.”

The krogan grumbled under his breath, “Fine. What would you have me do? I’m no tech.”

Meghan glanced at Alexis who nodded, “Train us. I’ll bet what you know of dirty biotic tricks would put our paltry knowledge to shame. You have four,” a glance at Kaidan who nodded, “willing students here on this ship. Just don’t destroy the hull. And your knowledge of combat most likely outstrips most of ours. Train anyone who asks.”

Wrex crossed his arms and glared challengingly at Meghan who stood her ground and simply looked back at him, her face blank. The krogan grunted and nodded. “Fine, but don’t send me the mewling varren pups on this crew.”

Meghan’s gaze sharpened into a glare and Alexis suppressed a wince, “I will send you whoever I want to send you for for training. Your first student is Tali’Zorah. Teach her to shoot something besides a pistol and make sure she hits what she’s aiming at.” She quelled the quarian girl’s protest with another glare and turned to the turian without waiting for Wrex’s acquiescence. “Have you looked at the Mako?” She kept her eyes on the krogan, but somehow Vakarian still knew she was talking to him.

Flaring open his tool and looking at something on it, the cop replied, “Yes. It’s ready to go whenever we need it.” 

“Good. Williams? Weapons status?”

“Good to go, Commander.”

Meghan straightened up and looked around the room. “You have your assignments. We should be coming up on a planet at any point. Be ready. Dismissed.” One by one the team left, Alenko the last to go, and he looked from Alexis to Meghan, an odd expression on his handsome face, before leaving, too.

“What’s up, Lex?” Meghan asked without preamble, while stretching her neck muscles. “Krogan are a pain in the ass. You sure we need him?”

“I think we’re better off with him, than without. And I was just passing by and seeing what exactly this ‘assimilation’ of yours was,” Alexis stated.

“Well, we’re short handed. Figured I’d put our newcomers to work. Adams is already impressed as hell with Tali. Vakarian admitted to knowing enough mechanical theory to keep the Mako running. There isn’t a weapon created Williams can’t figure out. And Alenko’s already running around doing odd jobs on every broken system on the ship -- lovely thing about prototypes, there’s always something that was put together that SHOULD work, but doesn’t in practice. Had to think of something to keep the battlemaster out of trouble. Besides, I’m curious to know what he knows.” Meghan ticked off each point on her fingers.

“Good thinking there, Commander,” Alexis told Meghan. “Apart from Wrex’s stubborness, any other issues?”

Meghan pinched the bridge of her nose. “No. But I still really don’t want to bring the cop along.”

Alexis fought the urge to roll her eyes at her friend. “I’m sure he’ll grow on you. Besides, since he took leave from C-Sec, he’s not technically a cop any longer.”

Meghan waved her hand, “Bull. Once a cop, always a cop.” At Lex’s level look, she sighed, “All right, Mom. I’ll play nice with the new kid and share my toys.”

“Commander,” Joker’s voice cut through unexpectedly. Meghan, tense as always, jumped. “We’re picking up a distress call from a beacon somewhere on the planet, Edolus.”

“How close can you get us?” Alexis asked, as both she and Meghan looked expectantly to the ceiling.

“Probably within a few dozen clicks if you take the Mako,” he advised.

“Alright, I’ll have a ground team ready to go in five,” she replied before looking to Meghan. “Up for some fun?”

“Always.”

Alexis smiled, knowing that Meghan would say that. “Good, take Vakarian and the Lieutenant with you. Find out what’s going on down there.”

“Fine. I’ll share my toys. But they won’t be the good ones.”

With a shake of her head, Alexis laughed at her friend and waved the other commander off to get changed before heading back upstairs to the CIC. After all, there was still plenty of work for the CO to attend to, even with a ground mission going on. She flagged down one of the crewman running about and handed off the datapad full of reports that she had spent most of the morning hours reviewing. 

She nodded briefly to Pressly as she headed past him to the bridge. Not seeing Ella around, she glanced briefly to Joker. “Were you able to get any other information about this place?”

“Negative, Commander. All we’re getting is the distress call.”

 _Damn. Hate sending them in so blind._ “Keep an extra eye and ear out there, and let the ground team know if you spot anything unusual that they need to be aware of.”

“Right.... of course, ma’am,” the pilot muttered, and she was fairly certain it had gotten her an eye roll.

 _He probably was already going to be doing that. And doesn’t appreciate me telling him to do what he would have done anyways._ “Ma’am?” she heard a voice say. She turned to see the same crewman that took her datapad a few minutes ago standing there with what looked to be the same datapad. _Probably full of seventeen new reports for me to review...._

Dismissing the crewman, she flicked on the interface and began browsing through the reports. _Engineering. Navigation. Arcturus. Citadel._ Half of the reports were marked urgent. Starting with the message from Arcturus, she began shifting through each report, skimming the urgent ones for information to see exactly how urgent they really were and sorting each in turn as she got through them. _Nothing life or death urgent so far at least._

“Commander,” Ella said as she walked past her several minutes later. Alexis nodded slightly to Ella, glancing up only briefly to see the woman stop next to her. “Taking in the sights?” Ella asked.

Alexis grinned slightly, “Something like that.”

“Is Moreau behaving himself?”

“I’m always behaving---” Joker began to say before stopping abruptly and then cursing. “Uh, Commanders, I think you’ll want to hear this....”

“-- found out what fucking happened to Kahoku’s unit, dammit! Alenko, shoot that son of a bitch! Vakarian! Get back in the Mako!” Ella began to curse beside her. “It’s a damned thresher maw! A goddamned mother-fucking thresher maw! Alenko! Get in the Mako!”

The LT’s voice can be heard faintly, “You first, ma’am!”

“Get your ass in there, now, soldier, on the double!” The sound of two sets of boots echoed on the Mako’s deck plating. “Vakarian! Drive! You’d better make this thing a hard target! That fucker spits acid!”

“What?!?!”

As the transmission continued, Alexis felt more than saw the quick hot flare of Ella’s biotics before she got her emotions under control. Glancing at the flight commander, she gave Ella one short nod. Ella nodded back, and turned to run down the CIC, calling as she went, “get us as close as you can, Joker,” before switching her shipboard communicator on. “Williams, Wrex, meet me in the cargo bay and prep for landing, just in case. Doc,” her voice was no longer audible as she headed down the stairs, taking three steps at a time in her rush, presumably alerting the med-bay to stand by as she went.

“You heard me! Floor it, or I’ll drive this thing myself!” The fear in Meghan’s voice was noticeable, a least to Alexis. It certainly made Alexis feel sick to her stomach as she listened. Meghan’s muttering continued, “Goddamn, Akuze all over again. Fucker’s not winning this time.” Growing louder, she ordered, “Fire the cannon at that thing, Alenko! Now!”

Loud report from the gun, “Nice shot! Dodge Vakarian, that thing’s going to spit at us now! Ow! Son of a bitch, don’t tip us over! Good! Fire again, Alenko!”

Alexis found herself standing attentively, as she listened to the rest of the radio transmission from the ground. Of all the fucking things to go wrong down there, why the hell did it have to be a Maw? Meghan was keeping it together, barely. “This son of a bitch is dead! And I want its head stuffed and mounted on the fucking hull. Fire!” 

Cheering suddenly erupted from the comms. “It’s dead! Take that you slimy son of a bitch space worm!”

Having heard enough, Alexis stepped forward to Joker’s station. “Patch me through to the ground team.” The pilot gave her a mute nod. “Ground team, this is the _Normandy_. Find some place safe to park it and prepare for pickup. But good work down there.” She motioned for Joker to cut the direct feed. “Once they’re aboard, tell them to meet me in the Comm room for a debriefing.”

She barely registered the pilot’s acknowledgment as she headed to the Comm room to await the ground team’s arrival. Over the past several minutes, she had developed quite the start of a headache. _Maw. Meghan. Akuze. Fuck. I should have made them wait until we got more information from the scans_. She sighed to herself, her temples throbbing. She brought one hand absently to her forehead. _Except that chances are the scans would have picked up nothing, and the exact same thing would have happened. There was a goddamned meteor shower going on after all..._

“You okay there, Lex?” Ella asked.

Alexis immediately dropped her hand back to her side and looked to Ella, who’s entrance had been much quieter than her exit from the cockpit, even in full combat gear. “I’m fine. Where’s the team?”

Ella hooked a thumb behind her. “They’re gathering up the remains of the unit that Maw wiped out. We didn’t want them to rot on this shithole. I sent Williams and Wrex out to help speed up the process, since they were ready to go by the time we heard the all-clear. Didn’t want to muddy the chain, though, so left Meg in charge. Shouldn’t take ‘em long.” Ella collapsed into a chair with a sigh, glaring up at the ceiling. “And can I say, if I ever meet Murphy, I’m gonna _warp_ him until he collapses painfully into atomic goo to pay him back for continuously messing with our Meg.”

 _You and me, both_ , Alexis silently added to her friend’s sentiment. Except now wasn’t the time for that. Right now, it was time for the CO to find out what happened with her troops. She gave Ella a flat look. “Unless there’s something else you’d like to address, Commander, I believe it might be prudent for you to oversee the pilot getting us off this planet during this meteor shower.”

“Sorry, Commander,” Ella barked, her sprawl disappearing as she stood, practically at parade rest, the slightest wink marring her serious expression. “This particular pilot could probably fly through a meteor shower in his sleep, but I’ll go make sure no one talks him into trying something extra crazy. Since you asked so nicely. Ma’am.” She nodded briefly and headed out the door.

After Ella left, Alexis set the datapad on one of the empty chairs in the room and crossed her arms under her breasts. And then she waited. Several long minutes passed before Meghan, Alenko, and Vakarian entered the room, all looking rather haggard after their experience on the planet. Meghan stood at attention, slightly in front of the lieutenant and the turian. Alenko did the same, and after a moment’s pause, Vakarian mimicked the stance.

Wanting to get this over and done with as quickly as possible, Alexis got straight to the point. “Tell me what happened down there, Commander.”

Meghan faced forward and didn’t look at her CO. “We went to investigate the beacon, Commander. Scans showed nothing except the bodies and the hardware. We got out to investigate.” Meghan paused and swallowed. “The maw emerged about 30 clicks away and we immediately returned to the Mako. Lieutenant used the Mako’s guns to kill it, coupled with excellent driving by Officer Vakarian. Eventually, we killed it. And then recovered Kahoku’s men.”

“While it’s admirable that you stayed behind to recover the bodies of the fallen, why didn’t you order a retreat as soon as you and your men were safely inside the Mako?” Alexis already knew the answer, but she unfortunately had to ask since there was an Alliance directive specifically mandating that thresher maws were not to be engaged unless there was no alternative.

Meghan finally did look at Alexis after that question, “I assume you’re talking about that Alliance directive?”

“That directive is there for a reason, Commander.”

“With all due respect, Commander, we’re not just Alliance any more. As a Spectre, it was within my purview to destroy the Maw so that the beacon that led those marines to their deaths could be disabled.”

“Where I duly note your appointed status as a Council Spectre, _Commander_ , I must remind you that it was the _Alliance_ , not the Council, that has graciously loaned us not only this vessel, but the other _Alliance_ resources aboard, including the marine compliment and the Mako. As such, this vessel and its crew will still adhere to Alliance directives. Is that understood?”

“Next time, then, I’ll be happy to take the maw on by myself on foot.”

Alexis looked pointedly to the lieutenant and Vakarian, neither of whom needed to be present for what was to come. “Gentlemen, you’re dismissed.” Both men looked from one commander to the other in concern. Alenko turned first and when Meghan didn’t look at him, the turian followed. Alexis waited for both of them to leave before resting her eyes back on Meghan. “Are we going to have a problem following these orders, Commander?”

“Are you going to have a problem giving them, Commander?”

Alexis felt the hairs on the back of her neck bristle at Meghan’s words, but she kept her face neutral. “You’re right. I should have ordered you to back down, for what little good it probably would have done me. However, I expected you to be the reasonable and competent leader that I know you to be, Commander. In the future, I won't hesitate to countermand your authority in these situations.”

“And I won’t hesitate to disobey your countermand if the situation warrants it. Has it occurred to you, _Commander_ , that those marines out there were lured to their deaths by that beacon? That anyone coming along behind us would die trying to rescue something that didn’t exist all because some sick son of a bitch wanted a replay of Akuze? You can’t tell the beacon’s a fucking trap till you’re standing on it, you know. At which point it’s too fucking late and anyone that isn’t _us_ , will die.” Meghan’s green eyes were agate hard and two spots of color had appeared on her cheeks as she glared at her friend out of the corner of her eye before yanking her gaze back to a neutral point in the room. 

Alexis arched one eyebrow as she glared back at Meghan. “I am well aware of the risks of leaving that beacon alone. I would have sent a priority message back to Fifth Fleet for them to send the necessary team to handle the situation. Had it ever occurred to you, Commander, that whoever set that trap might have lured more than one Maw to that location?”

“To address your first point, Commander... we had a team here, now. It didn’t require full troop compliment, just a very big gun and some fancy driving. We took that thing down with no casualties. I doubt a unit of marines would get so lucky. To address your second point, yes, it did occur to me. But when only one popped up, it was an opportunity to shut down that trap for good.” Meghan stared straight ahead, not looking at Alexis.

“And by doing so, you engaged in an unnecessary and extremely reckless task. This mission is dangerous enough without you needlessly adding to it, despite whatever noble intentions you had.”

Meghan turned to look at the other woman, finally. “Why don’t you just come right out and say it, Commander?”

“And what exactly do you think I’m trying to say here?”

“You have no confidence in my ability to lead. Simply because I do it differently than you. You weren’t down there calling the shots, I was. And it’s eating at you. _You’d have done the exact same thing_. You’re no more cautious than I am, you just like to pretend you are. Or you’d have recalled me the minute, the _second_ , that thing popped up. Countermanding my authority my ass, Commander. With all due respect.”

To say that Meghan’s words didn’t sting would be a lie, but Alexis would have to deal with her friend’s lack of faith later. “This isn’t personal, Commander. And if, for one second, I doubted your ability to lead, you, and the rest of the crew, would certainly know it. I believe we’re done here. You’re dismissed, Commander.”

Meghan Shepard turned on her heel in a textbook parade turn and left the briefing room. She had not raised her voice once. At least that was the one good thing that came out of that entire conversation. Not that it really made any of it any better. Truth be told, it only exacerbated the headache Alexis already had and made her feel the fact that she was running on fumes.

Snatching the datapad off the chair, she stalked out of the briefing room and headed back towards the mess area of the ship. From the corner of her eyes, she could see crew glancing nervously in her direction. _In charge for barely less than a week, and I’ve already pissed off one of my best friends and terrified the hell out of my crew. Good job, Lex. The Captain would be so proud._

She scowled at that random thought. _Almost three years and yet I still want her approval. What the fuck is wrong with me...._ Ignoring the random stares from the crew, she made her way into the mess, stopping briefly to grab a few protein bars. She was hungry, but certainly not open for any company. _I’ll just go back to my quarters and bury myself in these reports. And forget about all of this...._

At least it was a short trip from the mess to her quarters. She turned on her heel to make a fast retreat to what little privacy she’d be able to get on the ship when she spied Lieutenant Alenko entering from the far end. For a moment, Alexis considered changing her plans to hide away in her cabin; however, as soon as the lieutenant caught her eye, he quickly looked away. _That’s right, dummy. He was down there. With Meg. And has been hanging on to her every word. Why wouldn’t he agree with her?_

Doing her best to disregard the slight flush of heat in her cheeks, she quickly strode to her cabin. The lights brightened in the room as she tossed the protein bars on the table. She found that she wasn’t particularly hungry any more. Not right now anyways. With a sigh, she walked over to the desk with her terminal station, setting the datapad down next to it as she sank into the chair.

_They always warn you that command isn’t easy, but damn it, Dad, I wish you were here to talk to right now. I mean, my girls both know that was just the job speaking, right? That things are different now. It’s not like we’re in different units, where I can pretend the lines of rank and chain of command don’t exist. It’s hard enough knowing that I sent her down there. To that Maw. Fuck, I still remember what it was like after Akuze.... Damn it, doesn’t she know that I can’t treat her any differently than any other soldier, any other officer just because I know what happened there? Hell, it’d be worse if I did, right, Dad?_

He was never going to answer. No matter how much she wanted, needed him to. All she needed was to clear her head at this point. Yanking open the desk drawer, she pulled out the tiny attachment for her Omni-tool that would help right now. Oddly enough, a gift from her very Shepards, in memory of her father. Snapping the attachment into place, a holographic image jumped from her ‘tool, displaying a row of fifty-two white keys across the desk’s surface, interspersed with smaller black keys. A tiny window on her ‘tool blinked at her, the assorted selection of works she had gathered at her disposal. Scrolling through the list, she finally settled on one and placed her hands on the hard projection of the piano keys as the sheet music directly ahead of her.

It didn’t take long for Alexis to get lost in the movement, her hands dancing across the keys. She rarely had a chance to really do this any more, and despite feeling the rust of time (and a few misplaced notes), some things were impossible to truly forget. And while she focused on this, for just that fraction of time, the troubles of command faded to the back of her mind.

“Lex? You still in there, or has The Commander taken over?”

Alexis’ fingers faltered on the keys with a horribly dissonant wail, before she came to abrupt stop in the piece. _Damn it! Just exactly how long had Ella been back there?_ “Is there, uh, something you need, El-- Commander?”

“Well, that answers that question. I brought you some coffee. Julia did her best, but it’s still sludge.” Ella approached from behind her and placed a cup of coffee on the desk in front of Alexis. She stepped back, before nodding slightly. “I need to apologize, ma’am.”

 _That sounds rather official. Guess that’s the end of my so-called break_. Alexis quickly moved her hands back to the ‘tool, ending the program, and causing the piano to flicker from existence. “What about?”

“You needed an officer, and I wasn’t being one.” Ella shrugged slightly. “I’ve been friends with my CO before, I knew better. Not that that ended well, of course, but you deserved more respect than I gave you. Sorry.”

“It’s new ground for most of us. I think it’ll be an adjustment for everyone,” Alexis said as she removed the attachment from her ‘tool and stashed it back in the safety of the desk drawer.

“Speaking of adjusting, how are you doing?”

It was Alexis’ turn to shrug. “Apart from the past hour or so, fine.”

“Your old dead guy music helping?” Ella grinned slightly. “Which one was that, anyways? The only one I ever recognized was that Shostakovich guy. He always sounded a bit less ancient.”

“Debussy. Clair de Lune. And it helped as much as it ever really helps.”

“Hmm. Anything I can do? We’ve got 50 hours until we reach Knossos, which is a long time to sulk. Or brood, or whatever it is you think you’re doing in here.”

“I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” Alexis knew she was being particularly evasive at the moment, but she wasn’t entirely sure how much she wanted to divulge to Ella. It might just put her unnecessarily in the middle of things.

“And? You’ve been in command before. Though I’ll admit, this one’s a little crazier than usual.”

Alexis sighed and picked up the cup of coffee still sitting in front of her. She took a long drink before finally answering. “This is more than a little crazy. It’s a lot different than running troops around on the ground, or hell, even mustering civilians for a rudimentary defense force. It’s just us out here. There’s no one watching our backs. If something goes wrong, it’ll be my ass on the line. And everyone is looking for us to screw up, so I have to make sure we play by the book as much as possible, even if I have to be the villain to make it happen.”

“No offense, but you make a lousy villain.” Ella snorted. “Besides, it’s just _us_ out here, not just you. You’re not alone. You’ve got your girls, as fellow Spectres, and we’re already firmly established as the crazy ones. Feel free to pass the blame around as much as you want.”

“Ha, ha.” Alexis was certainly unamused. “The Council may see us as equals, but the Alliance put me in charge, so when it comes to them, it’ll be my ass on the line.”

“We won’t let it come to that, promise.”

“When did you become the cheery optimist of the group?” Alexis asked before taking another sip of the coffee.

“What? I can’t drink the Kool-Aid occasionally?” Grinning as Alexis finally cracked a smile, she continued more seriously. “I am punchy from lack of sleep. I’m assuming that’s part of your problem, actually. ‘Cause I’d really hate to think I’m the only one on extra-heavy-duty nightmare patrol thanks to all the Prothean crap in my head.” She glared forlornly down at her hands. “Even smacked myself on the damn pod cover this a.m. My poor wrist is all bruised.”

“Do I need to have cushions installed for you?” Alexis asked with a smirk. “And, the Prothean data hasn’t exactly helped my sleep. Not that I was ever big on getting a lot of it... ever.”

“Yeah, knew you were crazy the first time I saw you get up before PT to practice. All on your own, not even for homework. We could reschedule our command staff meetings for 0400 or something. Put that lack of sleep to good use.”

“If Meghan wasn’t going to kill me for today, she certainly will if I institute meetings then.”

“I’ll tell her it was my idea.” Ella managed to keep a straight face. “The flight staff will probably be relieved when she takes me out. No more meetings.”

“And leave me to deal with Pressly, and your pilot?” Alexis asked with one arched brow. “No thanks. I’ll find another way to make use of that time.”

“Damn. And why is he always my pilot? It’s your ship. It was Anderson’s ship. And yet, my pilot. Not fair.”

Alexis downed the rest of the coffee and set the empty cup back on the desk in front of her. “You’re the one who actually likes, and understands, math. Pilots go right along with all your astrophysics stuff.”

“Astrophysics stuff? Spacer brat, taking all those stars for granted. Guess you’ve got a point. Again.”

“Why is it always spacer brat? It’s not like I really had a choice about where I grew up. And, don’t you have a bunch of old dead guys to thank for discovering all that information about those stars?” Alexis asked dryly.

“I agree that you’re right, and you go and ignore the compliment in favor of insulting my vocabulary and practical, modern perspective? Why do I put up with you again?”

“Because I make you look good?” Alexis guessed.

“Like I need you for that.”

“Sure, you do. But it’s okay if you want to deny it.” 

“Glad I have your permission. ‘Cause I think I will.” Ella grinned briefly. “And on that note, I think I’ll let you go back to pretending you’re Super-woman. Just don’t forget to let us help, ok?” Ella reminded Alexis on her way out. She paused just at the door. “Though you might not want to ask Meg ‘til she gets a chance to fight something besides you for a bit."

"Heh, let’s aim her at Saren. Maybe she’ll save us some trouble.”


	19. Secrets

“What are you doing, Shepard? You can’t take that stronghold head on and survive!” Garrus shouted from the passenger seat

“I might be crazy, but I’m not suicidal! Get your ass back on those guns. There’s gotta be a pass...” Meghan crowed with delight when the rover’s onboard nav system showed her an upcoming narrow pass on the right. It would be a tight turn, but the Mako’s fat ass should fit.

“You’re not going to fit through there, Shepard!” 

“Shut up, Vakarian. I have a tendency to shoot backseat drivers.”

“I have to fix whatever you do to this thing, you know.”

She snarled as the Mako fishtailed around the tight turn. “Quit whining.”

A Destroyer and a turret launched missiles at them. They stared at the incoming rockets and and at the last second, Meghan hit the thrusters, launching the vehicle into the air, and they shot underneath the vehicle to impact on the rock wall behind them. The minute the Mako was back on the ground, Garrus returned fire with their own cannon, taking down the turret’s and the Destroyer’s shields and then used the guns to perforate the geth and the turret until both were down.

Shepard gunned the engine and ran over the last trooper. The satisfying crunch of the heavy vehicle on the geth’s chassis made her grin ferally, her residual anger at Alexis lessening with each geth she got to destroy. She rolled the Mako into the fortified courtyard and discovered the gate was closed. Four buildings with minimal enemy signatures arrayed around the courtyard. “I don’t think we can just blast our way through it, Shepard,” Garrus pointed out, looking over her shoulder at the readings. 

She leaned back to look at the turian, “You’re no fun, Garrus. Fine, get your gun. We’ll clear the buildings the hard way.”

“What do you mean, I’m no fun?” He demanded, slinging his rifle over his shoulder and onto the magnetic lock. “That sounds like a whole lot of fun!”

Meghan glanced at him, “Your definition of fun is just as twisted as mine is. You’re all right. For a cop.”

Holstering the last of his weapons, he grinned, his cheekplates flaring, “You’re all right. For an ex-con.”

She snorted, “Wondered when you’d find out.”

He flung open the door and they both winced at the sulphuric stench that hit their nostrils. Garrus sneezed. “I’d be a pretty poor detective if I didn’t.”

Meghan wrinkled her nose, “Let’s never come back to this planet for a vacation, mmm’k?”

He chuckled, “Planning vacations for us, Shepard? I didn’t know you cared.”

She laughed. “I’ll take point and the lower. You take the six and the upper, got it?”

He slung his sniper rifle around and checked the readouts as she did the same for her shotgun. “I’m right behind you.”

Shepard led the way to the first out building. The HUD warned them of one enemy heat source, geth. Meghan crouched and crept toward it, her shotgun at the ready. She heard Garrus creep along behind her, though she doubted she’d have heard him had he been further away. The geth stood with its back to them, apparently unaware they were approaching as they quickly rounded the corner and opened fire. White fluid burst from the mechanical body and Meghan suppressed the urge to crow in victory. She allowed herself a broad grin, though, as she walked over to see if there was anything to salvage.

They cleared the next three buildings similarly. Garrus opened the gate while Meghan stood watch. The geth had managed to damage the panel and he was forced to hotwire it, taking off his gloves. His thick fingers with the sharp claw-like nails moved deftly through the wires, bypassing the damaged circuits. “Where’d you learn to do that?” Meghan asked when he was done and they were walking back to the Mako.

“Do what?” the turian asked, pulling his gloves back on.

“Hotwire things?” She climbed into the vehicle and closed the door after him as soon as he got in.

“You’d be surprised how many things you pick up as a cop. I’m surprised you don’t know how.”

“Why? Because I was in a gang?” Meghan tried to reign her temper in, but her voice still sounded irritated as she headed for the driver’s seat. “Well, yes. It probably would have been handy. But that wasn’t my job.”

He strapped himself into the passenger seat and pulled the nav interface back up. “What was your job?”

Meghan looked at him, her heart pounding in anger and her fingers shaking where she gripped the wheel tightly. “I was an enforcer. I killed. A lot of them were cops.”

~*~

“Holy crap, I’m bored. And hot.” Ella Shepard leaned back against a handy rock, squinting up at the hazy white sky, the sun so hot it had scorched away the blue usually found on livable planets. “I can’t believe there’s nothing fucking here.”

“It’s not so bad.” Wrex performed an odd rolling shift in his weight. _Krogan equivalent of a shrug?_ “Sand, rocks, heat. Reminds me of home.”

“Remind me to never hang out with you at home, Wrex,” Shepard snorted. “Cause this planet here? Dreadful place to visit.”

Tali hummed slightly in disagreement, obviously content digging through the remnants of the malfunctioning armature that they’d blown to bits. It had been the only geth in the area, its sporadic flaring and sparking the cause of the unusual reading that had brought them here in the first place. “I think they left this one here to run some sort of self-repair program,” Tali suggested, her voice echoing hollowly off of the metal pieces surrounding her.

“Huh. Didn’t work so well, did it?” Shepard grinned slightly, before sighing again, surveying the empty landscape. She turned towards the krogan sitting on a rock of his own to her left. “So, what’s your story Wrex?”

“There’s no story. Go ask the quarian if you want stories.” His grunt was brief, but she didn’t think he was actually annoyed. _Hopefully._

“The quarian’s busy. And while she’d probably be delighted to tell me about geth technology, I don’t think I’d understand a third of it.”

“I’m sure she’d teach you.”

“C’mon Wrex, don’t be an ass. Krogan live for centuries. You have to have had a few interesting adventures.”

“Well, there was this one time the turians almost wiped out our entire race. That was fun.”

“Fuck, Wrex, I was trying to pass the time and make some conversation. Not debate salarian science or turian military policy.” Shepard paused briefly, then shrugged _What the hell, don’t think he’ll try and kill me for being impertinent._ “Though, if you really want to talk about it, I do have a question. I’ve always wondered why I’ve never heard about a krogan trying to find a cure for the genophage?” 

“When was the last time you saw a krogan scientist? The genophage may have infected us, but it’s not what’s killing us.” Wrex sighed slightly, and Shepard blinked in surprise. She’d never really expected to see a giant melancholy krogan mercenary. “I gave up on the krogan long ago. If you ask a krogan if he’d rather try and find a cure or fight for credits, he’ll choose fighting every time. It’s just who we are, Shepard, I can’t change that. Nobody can.”

“Sounds like you tried?” Wrex’s growl clearly illustrated that she’d gone a bit too far with that last question. “Sorry, I’m curious. I do that to everyone though, not just you. Didn’t mean to upset you.”

“She does,” Joker’s voice suddenly interrupted over the comms. “Don’t take it personal, big man.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you were so successful at not taking my innocent questions personally, Moreau.” Shepard replied. “And why are you eavesdropping?”

“I learn from my mistakes, ma’am. Just enlightening Wrex there with the benefit of my experience. And as far as eavesdropping goes, monitoring the ground teams is part of my job, Commander.”

Shepard snorted at his biting tone. “Yeah, that’s what you’re doing. Monitoring. You monitoring the other teams, too, then?”

“‘Course. But they’re actually working, so they do not need the benefit of my wit and wisdom to pass the time.”

“I’d be working too, if there was anything here to, work, with.” _Way to impress my new team with my grasp of the english language. Maybe it sounded better translated into quarian or krogan?_ “No sign of an imminent all clear, huh?”

“Sorry ma’am. I’m stuck in my holding pattern, and you’re stuck annoying the krogan with your ignorance of his culture. Bet he refuses to hang out with you anymore.”

“Her ignorance doesn’t upset me, pilot.” The snarl in Wrex’s voice would’ve made that sound like a lie, if Shepard hadn’t already figured out he always sounded like that. “I think I’ll stick around. Besides, you’ve got a nice ship.” _Huh. He sounds vaguely amused. That’s probably good?_

“My baby does make it all worthwhile, doesn’t she?”

Shepard snickered, and the krogan actually let out a short laugh at that one. “One track mind, Moreau. Pilots and their toys.” She clicked her tongue in mock dismay. “Bet you love that ship more than your mother.”

“Nah,” Joker’s voice went suddenly soft. “Ma was pretty awesome.”

 _Was? Fucking hell, I always say the wrong thing._ “Damn. Sorry, Joker.”

“S’alright Commander. Hovercar accident doesn’t make the news the same way the Raid did. No way for you to know.”

“Still, I prefer being a bitch on purpose, not by accident. I am sorry.”

“I’m sure you’ll get another chance to prove your bitch status, Shepard.” Joker suggested comfortingly.

Tali’s giggle interrupted. “She seems pretty nice to me, Joker.”

Shepard grinned over at the quarian, who’d apparently finished her treasure-hunt and was settled comfortably on her knees next to a densely packed cube built out of salvage.

“You just think that cause you saw her get sucker-punched by that asari who was out to get you. Don’t let that mislead you. She’s good at the scary. Just wait til someone makes her mad. Or you run into a batarian.”

“How did you know about the asari, Moreau?” _Ignoring the batarian crack..._

“I know everything, ma’am. And what I don’t know, I find out.” 

~*~  
“I thought we were supposed to be hunting Geth?” Williams asked.

“We’re looking for an asari archaeologist,” Alexis advised as the small squad composed of Lieutenant Alenko, Chief Williams and herself made their way down a dusty boulevard. Even with the low rise buildings around, a stiff breeze seemed to continuously blow down the street, bringing with it the stink of sulfur that permeated the atmosphere of the planet.

“And so are the Geth, ma’am. Shouldn’t we be where they are and not _here?_ ” The Chief’s voice was carefully neutral, but Alexis suspected she was annoyed. At least that was her experience when NCOs started questioning why things were being done.

“And where do you propose we start looking? It’s a big planet,” Alexis reminded the Chief, keeping her own voice neutral.

“With all due respect, ma’am, we had knowledge of at least two sites with Geth activity….”

For a fraction of a second, Alexis contemplated wheeling around and putting a stop to the questions. Except that would do no good, and technically, there was no harm in the actual questions. _I will not take my residual anger out on the NCO..._ “And Bravo and Charlie are getting us the recon on those two sites. Meanwhile, we are to make sure this Dr. T’soni isn’t here, and while we’re at it, see what we can find out about her. Since we have no idea if she knows what her mother is doing.”

“It’s her mother. Of course she knows what’s going on.”

“Williams, has it not occurred to you that maybe not everyone is close with their mother?”

Alexis heard the Chief scoff behind her. “How can you not know what your mother’s up to? Especially if it’s this big? I mean, what if it was your mother, ma’am?”

“That’s enough, Chief,” Alenko’s warm voice interrupted suddenly. “We could try that bar over there, ma’am. Bartenders usually know quite a bit about what’s going on in colony towns.”

A familiar chill of energy bristled down Alexis’s spine as she had been moments away from showing the Chief exactly where she could stick her thoughts about mothers. She quietly strangled the urge before stalking over to the small building that Alenko had indicated. It was a rather unremarkable pre-fab building: the windows were darkened with dirt or paint, the reddish sand liberally coating every flat surface. Only a flickering, dimly lit sign with the words "Rust Bucket" indicated any signs of habitation. That and the drunk throwing up against the side of the building.

“Keep your weapons holstered. It’s probably going to be tough enough to get information as it is,” Alexis ordered before she entered the building. The interior made Chora’s Den look like some kind of Elysium resort in comparison. What lighting was available (as most appeared to be broken and out of service) gave off a sickly orange glow. The walls were mostly sparse, with the exception of one or two holo-vid projections that cycled through various nude pinups of both human genders and a few asari. Several tables were scattered throughout the grimy floor, most covered with dust, empty bottles, and discarded glasses. 

“Classy,” Williams muttered. One of the four patrons in the establishment scowled in the marines’ direction before returning his attention to the drink in his hands.

Across the darkened room was a makeshift bar, looking about as neat as any of the other parts of the bar. Behind it stood a haggard-looking woman, her skin looking tanned and leathery in the orange light above her, her dark hair pulled back into a messy bun. Her blouse hung loose on her thin frame and looked as if it had been used to wipe down a few glasses or a table.

Alexis squared her shoulders and headed over to the bar, placing an armored hand on the edge of the counter. The wizened woman behind the bar glanced up briefly, a very bored expression on her face. “What can I getcha?” the bartender asked, her voice raspy.

“I’m looking for someone.”

“Honey, we all lookin’ for someun,” the woman drawled. “But, lookin’ at the company y’all keep, I doubt many people be wantin’ to talk wit’ yeh.” She looked pointedly at the two marines behind Alexis. “Tho’ y’all can leave that pretty boy here, if’n ‘e’s not busy,” the bartender gave Kaidan a lopsided, grin. Alexis was just glad the horrible woman had all her teeth.

“We’re looking for an archaeologist,” Alexis said trying to get the woman’s attention once more.

Winking at the lieutenant, the old woman turned her attention back to Alexis. She wet down a rag that wasn’t very clean and started rubbing at a section of the bar that didn’t appear to be getting cleaner. “That’s one a them scholarly types, right? Seen a bunch of them a few days ago, but most headed back t’ civilization.”

“Most, but not all of them?”

“Nah, didn’t see the blue assed bitch come back at all.”

 _Thank you for that lead in._ “There’s an asari here?” Alexis asked with a slightly arched brow.

“Lil’ Miss Know-it-all took off for them mines. The rest o’ them came back, mutterin’ ‘bout wastin’ time.”

“Do you know if this asari was working for one of the companies, or here independently?”

“Whyinell would I know that? Y’all better go see the company offices, if’n yer lookin to traipse ‘round the mines.” The woman narrowed her eyes at Alexis, “Wait a minute... I’ve seen y’all somewheres b’fore.” Alexis’ heart started hammering in her chest. A flickering Omnitool flared open around her wrist and all the pinup screens in the bar cycled quickly through their memory banks simultaneously. Alexis stood frozen in horror, _They can’t possibly have that picture out here. Please God, don’t let them have that picture..._

“We really must be on our….” Alexis began saying before the words died on her lips, as all of the flickering projections suddenly stopped on one image at once, that of a solitary blonde woman. The slender form of the woman was nude from the waist up, the Alliance Marine Issued Muscles not detracting from her femininity one bit, the dark gray armor on her hips and arms only seeming to emphasize it. She artfully posed so that the arm in the forefront, boldly emblazoned with the N7 stripe she hadn't yet earned, only showed the bottom curve of one naked breast, her head leaning on her other arm, both pressed against a metal bulkhead. Her own blue eyes stared at her out of the hologram, unblinking and empty. Her own full lips curved into a defiant smirk. She swallowed bile. “Day-um, Commander! You clean up good!” Williams’ voice broke the startled silence. A wolf whistle from one of the patrons followed the chief’s statement. Unwillingly, she glanced at Alenko to find him staring from the pinup to her in astonishment, his olive-skinned face as red as hers must be.

The old woman behind the bar gave a rusty laugh, “Well, whaddya know, boys, a real life celebrity in our hick town!”

Abruptly turning on her heel, Alexis ignored the woman and the scattered patrons as she stalked out of the Rust Bucket. She had a lead on where the asari was, and there were the corporate offices that they needed to check out. This place could burn in hell for all she cared.

~*~

Meghan Shepard leaned against the crate, panting, her nerve endings still tingling from the near-constant use of her biotics in the last fifteen minutes. Had that fight really only lasted a quarter of an hour? She raised her glove, her hand still shaking with adrenaline, and wiped the sweat and the few stray hairs that had escaped to frame her face out of her eyes. Garrus crept out from behind the wall he’d been sniping from and came to lean next to her, trying not to pant. Turians didn’t seem to get used to horrible smells like humans did. “Let’s never take out one of those on foot again, shall we?” She told him, her wavered with some of the fatigue she was fighting.

He holstered his sniper rifle and unslung his assault rifle. “And here I was planning on making it a hobby.”

Meghan shook her head at him, “You may be crazier than I am.”

“I find that hard to believe.” He looked down at her for a moment. “How many?”

Meghan turned away and led him up to the ramp to the entrance of the mine. “How many what?” she asked, feigning ignorance.

“How many cops have you killed?” his voice sounded odd.

“Can we talk about this later? I’d hate to be jumped by geth while we’re playing twenty questions about my past.” She turned to glare at him, wiping more sweat from her eyes, leaving a smudge of mud behind.

He looked everywhere but at her. “I need to know I can trust you, Shepard.”

She scowled and marched over to him, yanking on the collar around his armor until he bent to her eye level, “Fucking hell, Vakarian! I’m not going to shoot you in the back! I was young and stupid and weak!” She paused, her eyes scanning his face, finally meeting his. “Can I trust _you?_ Or are you going to avenge all those crooked sons of bitches I offed on Earth?”

He blinked and pulled back a little, but not out of her grasp, “Of course not.” She let his collar go but continued to glare up at him. He glanced away and then back, “I had to ask.”

Meghan leaned back on one leg and crossed her arms, “Treating me like a suspect, Officer?”

“Were they really crooked?” 

“I could prove it for a few. The one that shot Mikey and planted the gun on him, I saw that happen. But who’s going to believe a skinny thirteen year old gangbanger over a ten-year veteran of the force?” 

He looked down, “You’d be surprised.”

She snorted. “Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night, Vakarian. I’m done with this. Move out.” She turned and drew her shotgun again and headed into the mine. One minute the cop was impressing her with his competence on the battlefield, the next he was opening his mouth and inserting his foot or asking uncomfortable questions about her past. She hated not being able to figure out if she liked the guy or hated him. There were categories people belonged into, nice neat, black and white ones: friend or foe. She couldn’t put him in one of those yet and it was irritating her.

They emerged from the tunnel and fought the handful of geth still in the mine. And then there, suspended in some sort of blue force field, an asari floated. “Hello? Could somebody help me? Please? Can you hear me out there? I am trapped. I need help!”

“Liara T’Soni, I presume?” Shepard inquired, raising one eyebrow as she scanned the field in which the asari seemed to be suspended.

“Thank the Goddess! I didn’t think anyone would come looking for me! This thing I am in is a Prothean security device. I cannot move so I need you to get me out of it, all right?”

Meghan scowled and crossed her arms. “Your mother is working for a treasonous Spectre named Saren Arterius. Whose side are you on?”

“What? I’m not on anybody’s side!” _Sure_ , Meghan thought. “I may be Benezia’s daughter but I’m nothing like her. I haven’t spoken to her in years! Please, just get me out of here!” 

Garrus stood between Meghan and the rest of the catwalk, assault rifle up and facing the cavern. He met her eyes and for once they were in agreement, she rolled her eyes at him and he grinned at her. They proceeded to question the trapped asari about her prison. The geth had apparently surprised her and she’d activated it as a defense. _Whatever worked,_ Meghan thought. There was a krogan with the geth, though. Meghan filed that information away until she needed it, he could make things a lot more interesting and not in a good way. She followed Garrus down the ramp, hoping the mining tunnel floor would leave them some idea of how to get past the barrier.

After dispatching the handful of geth still searching for a way around the barrier, the odd pair found a dead human curled in a fetal position around a gut wound, a pool of congealed blood surrounding him. He was wearing an inconspicuous lab coat with the Eldfell-Ashland logo over the left breast. His armor had been pierced through by dozens of bullets. Meghan wondered what the hell a tech was doing wearing armor and hanging out at a dig site that had been evacuated. Garrus squatted next to the body and used the end of his rifle to move the lab coat aside to see the armor better. It was completely unremarkable. Even the manufacturer’s stamp had been scratched off. They left the body where it lay. “We can always come back to get him. See if Doctor T’Soni recognizes him,” Garrus pointed out.

“Good idea. Let’s go find a way around that barrier.” 

Garrus pointed out the mining laser. “That’s the only way I see.” 

Meghan grinned, “This should be fun.”

Garrus shook his head, “That doesn’t really look like a good idea, Shepard.”

“I don’t see any other way around that barrier, do you, Vakarian?” She went to the control panel and pulled off one of her gloves. “Hmmm, it needs a code. Looks like a three digit one. I think even I could break this one.” She was right. The laser bucked once and a beam of light shot from the end to the rock wall directly beneath the asari’s trapped position. “Who the hell programs something with the code of 1-2-3?”

“Shepard, there has to be a reason the geth didn’t try that,” Garrus said over his shoulder as he took point down the short tunnel. The ground rumbled beneath their feet.

“You say, ‘I told you so,’ once, just once, I’ll shoot you myself.”

~*~

“Where did you learn to shoot?” Shepard tried not to scowl at Tali’Zorah, whose nervous fingering of her shotgun stock suggested Ella hadn’t quite succeeded. _Hell, I am a lousy trainer. Set up a firing range to help my squad work together, since we’re stuck on this damn rock for who knows how long, and instead of improving our teamwork, I yell at my tech. I am an idiot. I don’t know how else to deal with fragile young newbies though. Scare ‘em straight is rather a marine motto. But she’s not a marine. Fuck it, if she never forgives me we’ll just have very quiet missions. It’ll be worth it, if it keeps her alive._

“I was very well trained, Commander.” Tali replied stiffly. “We don’t just throw our people out into their Pilgrimages unprepared.”

“Well trained in what? ‘Cause baby-marines on their first rotation shoot better than that. Hell, Navy brats shoot better than that.” Shepard gestured back at the rock formation they’d been using for target practice to pass the time. “Fuck, Moreau probably shoots better than that.” 

“Should I be offended you place my shooting skills below the typical navy brat, ma’am?” Joker had been making snide comments from the sky the entire time they’d been shooting. _Apparently still bored. Just like us._

“Well, I assume they don’t let you play with shotguns or sniper rifles due to the kick-back, right?” Shepard rotated her own shoulder slightly in sympathy as she spoke. “Cracking your shoulder would make it difficult to keep firing, after all.”

“True. Waivered. And I’m only marksman qualified on assault rifles for the same reason. Expert on pistols, though.“ 

“Scenario or range?”

“Scenario, of course.” The pilot sounded horrified that she’d doubted his skills. “Anyone can shoot stuff that stays still.”

“See?” Shepard turned her attention back to the fidgety quarian. “The gimp pilot shoots better than you.” _Not that straight-shooting even on the range is all that easy. And it sounds like the gimp pilot’s a spectacular shot. Better than Meg. Hell, might be better than me on pistols. Let’s not tell Tali that until she is too, though._

“I hit the targets.” Tali protested.

“The stationary targets. Bad guys tend to duck and cover. Or charge. Or just in general not stand still and wait for you to shoot them.” 

“I have other skills.” The young woman sounded more than slightly offended. “Shooting is a last resort.” 

“Which is why you only use a shotgun? Wait ‘til they’re right in your face and hard to miss and unload some scattershot? That’s a good way to subject your team to some friendly fire.” Shepard sighed. “You obviously take better care when you’re aiming your tech mines, so just apply the same level of concentration to your shooting, and you’ll be fine.” Shepard reached out and grabbed the engineer’s shotgun out of her grasp, glaring as the younger woman started to protest. “Let’s practice with your pistol. Don’t get me wrong, I love my shotgun. But sometimes? Not the best choice. Ready to try this again?”

Tali nodded tightly as she unhooked her pistol from her weapons’ harness. Well, she’s remarkably self-disciplined, at least. No arguing.

“Wrex?”

“Shepard?”

“Could you lift or throw some rocks to help Tali’Zorah practice her aim?”

“And what are you going to be doing?” The krogan growled as he stomped up next to Shepard, both of them a careful two steps behind the quarian and her guns.

“Should always have a spotter on the range. And I’m pulling rank, as I don’t feel like chucking rocks. Got a problem with that?”

“Huh,” the mercenary grunted. “No. Not a lot of humans have the quads to pull rank on a krogan over twice their age and size.” He gave Shepard a surprise pat on the back, hard enough she stumbled briefly. “Nice to know you’ve got it in you, Commander.” And with that he shifted into his first mnemonic, his biotic aura flickering to life.

 _Holy crap, I think he likes me. Half this teamwork idea seems to have worked out?_ Shaking her head at a universe crazy enough to pair a Raid survivor with a career-merc, Shepard forced herself to concentrate on Tali’s training.

~*~

This day just kept getting worse. Alexis was still on edge after the incident at the Rust Bucket, (was Alenko looking at her differently and did she really mind if he did?) and the offices of Eldfell-Ashland Energy were not helping to make things any better. In comparison to the rest of the buildings in this dingy town, this place looked luxurious. The outside did not compare much differently than the rest of the pre-fab structures, but the interior was much more polished and clean. The white walls and floor had an almost lustrous sheen to them and what furniture dotted the lobby was in a similar pristine state. The place reeked of money the rest of this settlement probably never saw.

Of course, that wasn’t what was making her day worse. The self-entitled secretary glaring at her from behind the lobby desk was, on the other hand. “As I already told you, _ma’am_ ,” the secretary sounded like she was going to choke on that word. “We don’t give out company information to just anyone who wanders in off the street.”

“We,” Alexis stressed the word in hopes that the secretary would pick up that three fully armed marines weren’t here out of random chance, “don’t want company information. We are looking for a civilian. An asari archaeologist.”

The woman behind the desk sniffed loudly, and Alexis was certain she heard the Chief strangle some kind of noise of her own. “We don’t track all civilian traffic, ma’am. We offer travel advisories as needed. Whether they listen to us or not is not our concern.”

“Travel advisory?” Alenko asked. “Sounds like you might have warned her about something.”

The woman glared sharply past Alexis at the lieutenant.”I’m afraid there is nothing I can help you with. Please see yourselves out.”

“And I’m afraid that it’s not that simple to get rid of us. As I said before, I am Lieutenant Commander Alexis Shepard with the Systems Alliance Navy. I am here seeking information in regards to a formal ’Council Authorized’ investigation. So why don’t you go get whomever is in charge and let him know I need to speak with him.”

“I’m sorry, _Commander_ , but Mr. Zaitland doesn’t see anyone without an appointment.”

“Tell him to make an exception,” Alexis told the secretary. The woman opened her mouth with what was likely another vile retort, but Alexis cut her off. “Make sure you tell him that I am in a position where I don’t need his permission, but I would prefer, and appreciate, any and all cooperation in this matter.”

The secretary looked half-alarmed for a second before she regained her composure. She gave the Alliance marines a hateful look as she tapped a button on her desk. “Mr. Zaitland, I’m sorry to disturb you, but you have some unannounced visitors.” The secretary nodded her head, obviously in reply that went directly to her own personal device. “They were very persistent, sir. They said it’s about that asari archaeologist.” She nodded her head some more. “Right away, sir.” She then stood abruptly, staring almost haughtily at the marines. “If you will follow me, Mr. Zaitland will see you now.”

 _Finally,_ Alexis thought to herself as she followed the heinous woman from the lobby. She heard the armored footfalls of Alenko and Williams doing the same. _With a bit of luck, we can get in and out of this damned place_. They were led through another large, fairly spacious room, filled with a few tables, chairs, and several terminal desks along a far wall. It was mostly devoid of people, save a pair of men sitting at one table, and a woman currently at one terminal. None of them paid the secretary or marines any more than passing notice as they moved through the room.

Going through an open door along the same far wall, the secretary led them to a smaller hallway that hooked left around the corner with three closed doors on alternating sides. The secretary picked up her pace a bit as she headed down to the corner. Alexis felt her own combat instincts kick in and quickened her own pace to keep from losing site of the other woman. Something certainly did not seem right.

The secretary darted a quick glance over her shoulder as she turned the corner. “I’ll just be a moment. I need to make sure that Mr. Zaitland is ready for you,” she called back just as Alexis rounded the corner. The secretary was already halfway to the door that was at the end of this very short hall.

“You already called ahead,” Alexis reminded her as the woman reached the panel just on the outside, ignoring the itch to draw her rifle. However, she wasn’t prone to random bouts of paranoia without cause, so she quietly signaled the marines behind her to be ready.

The secretary cast another withering glance back at Alexis. “Yes, but he is a very important man. I need to make sure that he’s not in the middle of a phone call. I’ll just be a moment.” She then returned her attention back to the panel, punching in some kind of code.

There was an audible _swoosh_ behind Alexis as the closed doors flew open. She quickly drew her pistol and spun around in time to see Alenko and Williams duck around the corner, weapons drawn, as several armed men poured into the small hallway. “You should have left when you had the chance, Spectre,” the woman taunted, her voice coming through a speaker, just before the first rounds of fire from the armed men began.

Alexis blinked. _Spectre? I never mentioned I was one of those. What the hell is going on here?_ “Alenko, get that door opened. Williams and I will keep these boys occupied,” she ordered as she moved forward to take his position along the wall.

“Aye, aye, ma’am,” Alenko said as he leaned out of cover briefly flicking a throw at the nearest attackers. The two men flew backwards into their comrades with a crunch as the lieutenant headed back to the door. A quick glance from Shepard’s new position showed six men still in the hall, one trying to climb back to his feet from the lieutenant’s biotic display. She quickly pulled the lift mnemonic to the forefront of her mind and made a yanking motion towards the men. Several alarmed cries started in the hallway as the fire from the guns started to peter off. Within moments, Williams and Shepard had managed to put down the would-be ambushers that had not been picked up by the sudden reverse of gravity. The remaining two fell back down to the ground and scrambled quickly back to their feet and into cover as both Williams and Shepard darted back into their own cover.

“How’s that door coming, Alenko?” Alexis shouted to him.

“Maybe 20 seconds,” he called back.

“Time to clean them up, WIlliams,” she ordered as she switched out her pistol for her assault rifle. Both women waited quietly until the men poked back out of their cover. Between the combined fire of both rifles, the men were quickly dispatched.

Alexis shifted back to her pistol as she hurried over to Alenko and the door panel that he appeared to still be working on. Just as she was about to ask him again, the door abruptly opened into a large office, filled primarily by a metal desk. Stepping into the room cautiously, Alexis checked both her right and left to ensure that the woman from earlier wasn’t lying in wait with a weapon.

 _She’s not there. Check the desk_. She skirted around the desk, keeping her back towards the wall, until she saw two feet almost sticking out from the side. _Fuck!_ Shepard moved quickly over to the body of the secretary. Her face was distorted in some form of grotesque agony, foam touching her lips and a blue tinge to her face. In her hands she gripped a set of cords.

“It’s all clear, Commander,” Alenko said as he entered the room. Alexis reminded herself it wasn’t professional to admire the way the man walked. “Williams is checking to see if anyone is still around in that room past the lobby.”

Shepard nodded, kneeling down beside the body of the secretary in an attempt to stay focused. “Looks like Mr. Zaitland wasn’t here after all. And our friend must have heard that things weren’t going in her favor.”

The lieutenant knelt down next to her, maybe an inch away from her. Yet, was it her imagination or could she still feel heat radiating off his leg? “Looks like she was trying to hide something too,” he said indicating the cords in her hand.

“Any idea what they go to?”

“The terminal. Most likely.”

“Can you fix it?” she asked as the image of her first sight of the lieutenant, bent over one of the piloting consoles on the _Normandy,_ floated to the surface of her mind. _Yes, brain, he has a lovely ass. I do not need the constant reminder_ , she chided herself as she forced the image away.

Alenko nodded. “Just need a bit of time.”

“Commander?” Williams called out. 

“Over here, WIlliams.”

Armored feet shuffled over to where Alexis and Alenko still knelt beside the corpse. “Looks like anyone else in the building hightailed it when the gunfire started. Place is empty.”

“Looks like you’ve got time, Lieutenant. Let’s see if we can find out what was worth dying for here.” Alenko nodded again. Alexis placed a hand on each leg as she moved to stand and felt a rolling static shock shoot from her left hand just as she realized that she had placed her hand on Alenko’s leg. _Oh god damn it_. She ignored the slight flush of heat that spread to her face and pulled her hand away as she finished standing, looking over to the Chief. “Williams, I want you to stand guard near the lobby. Let me know if anyone tries to access this place. I’ll get in touch with the other teams. See what else is going on.”

~*~  
Meghan Shepard leaned against the hydraulic pumps that seemed to operate the ancient elevator. The geth that had helped the krogan in his ambush all lay dead. Garrus crouched next to her, his blue eyes scanning the concave structure for any movement. “Remind me to keep my big mouth shut next time, God. You don’t have to prove me wrong quite so often, you know.”

“What was that, Shepard?” Garrus asked, not taking his eyes off the center of the lift. 

“Talking to myself. Nevermind.” She looked up and around at the structure. If she wasn’t wearing armor, she might be able to climb the supports and get the drop on the krogan that way. But that would mean fighting a krogan battlemaster in her underwear. Not a survivable plan. “Got any ideas?”

“None that won’t get us killed. Why the hell isn’t that asari doing anything?” he grumbled.

“She’s a scholar, not a fighter. Our job is to protect people like her,” Meghan reminded him.

“She’s a biotic, Shepard. A strong one, you said,” Garrus pointed out.

“And you and I are trained for this shit. She’s not. Oh, fuck!” Meghan snarled as the krogan got tired of waiting on the human and the turian to make their move and began charging across the bowl of the elevator. Meghan backpedaled and switched her pistol for her shotgun as Garrus switched his weapons to his assault rifle. Both ran for the next hydraulic support, keeping their guns trained on the living tank that was charging them. “Next time, Wrex comes with us!”

“If there’s a next time!” Garrus shouted back as he set off an overload on his Omnitool. The krogan snarled and threw his useless shotgun to the ground and drew his assault rifle as he changed directions toward them. 

“Pessimist!” Meghan retorted as she let fly with the mnemonic for Warp. The krogan paused his charge for only a few seconds as the Warp damaged his armor, buckling and twisting it, but it was enough time for the pair to scramble across the bowl to the other side.

“Realist! We’re not going to last very long if he closes with us!” Garrus fired off a Sabotage burst, according to her HUD. The krogan staggered as the servos in his armor froze for a moment. “If we split up...”

“If we split up, we’re toast! Shoot the son of a bitch!” Under their sustained fire, the krogan’s life signs on her HUD faltered and blinked out, but before they could celebrate, the alien stood back up, her HUD screeching an alarm about there still being enemies nearby. “What the fuck! Don’t these fuckers ever die?”

The huge alien rushed at Shepard. Meghan braced herself for the impact, still firing her shotgun, but Garrus stepped into the charging krogan’s path. The dissonant sound of condensed air twisting in on itself and the buzz in the bones of her ears warned her of the Warp before the krogan’s arm moved in his mnemonic and Garrus collapsed, twisted in a heap. The krogan fairly leaped over the prone body of the turian and headed straight for her, both of them firing their shotguns at the other. Meghan’s gun screamed an overheating alarm and she dropped it as useless. 

The krogan swung at her but she ducked and tried to land a punch on its abdomen. The alien laughed and swung again. This time Meghan didn’t get to duck and it hit her on the left shoulder, she felt something pop and pain screamed through her arm and the rest of her body. Adrenaline and endorphins flooded her system, rendering her arm numb. She screamed and kicked at him, hitting him in the chest and shoving him backward a few steps. He charged at her again and before she could move he picked her up by her numb shoulder and one leg so that she couldn’t reach her pistol. Bereft of the rest of her weapons, she had only one left. As the krogan drew back to throw her in a move she doubted she’d survive, she yanked her wickedly serrated combat knife from its sheath on her thigh and stabbed downward into his neck. Orange blood fountained outward, coating her hand. The left arm supporting her leg gave a bit, but the krogan didn’t drop her. “Die, you son of a bitch!” She stabbed downward again and swung her free leg up and around the alien’s armored back, pivoting on her damaged shoulder. The giant alien tried to pull her off him, but she managed to get her leg looped in his weapons’ holster. The blade increasingly slick with orange blood, she stabbed again on the other side of his neck and the hand gripping her damaged shoulder loosened. Clutching her wounded arm to her chest, Meghan used the knife again and again, cutting into the leathery neck, riding the krogan to the ground as it finally collapsed and her HUD registered no more life signs. 

Coated in the thick, congealing blood, she rushed to Garrus only to find him sitting up and groggily shaking his head. “I’m all right. Did you just take down a krogan battlemaster with your bare hands?” Liara slowly stood from where she’d been crouched during their fight, her blue eyes wide. 

Meghan wiped her knife on the krogan’s armor and sheathed it. “Technically, it wasn’t barehanded. I did use a knife.”

The turian gave a rusty laugh and she helped him stand. “Shepard, you are insane.”

“Huhn. You’re quick. Usually takes someone three or four fights to figure that out about me. If you hadn’t used up his Warp, I wouldn’t have been able to do that, so you’re just as crazy.” The ground rumbled beneath them and the elevator gave the squeal of grinding metal. She gestured with her good hand to her damaged arm. “Grab hold and don’t let go.” The turian’s cheekplates flared and his eyes widened when he realized what she was going to have him do. 

“Are you sure about this?” he asked, holding on to her upper arm.

She nodded. “The sooner the better or the muscles get damaged.” She took several deep breaths, and met Garrus wide eyes. “Do it.” He held her arm tightly and straight out and she jerked her torso back as hard as she could. The joint went back together with a sickening pop and Meghan nearly collapsed to her knees at the pain. If Garrus hadn’t been holding her arm, she might have collapsed. “Fuck. That hurt.” He helped her stand up, his cheekplates flaring as if he was about to say something.

“Uh, excuse me? I think we should run. This ruin’s coming down!” Liara interrupted, her voice panicked.

Meghan glanced at Garrus as she picked up her shotgun, “You good?”

He released her arm and told her, “I am if you are,” and began running. 

Meghan made sure the asari was in front of her and commed Joker. “You’d better be outside in that fancy-assed ship, Joker!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming. Keep your pantyhose on!” The surly pilot responded. “But we’re going to have to have to a talk about the proper way to ask for a ride!”

Through panting as they ran, Meghan shouted, “You’re a little too far away for me to stick my thumb out and hike up my skirt to show some leg. Get your ass over here, there’s a goddamned volcano erupting!”


	20. Insult to Injury

Meghan Shepard stood in the decontamination airlock waiting to board the Normandy. Her left arm was tucked up against her chest and ached like a krogan had nearly twisted it off.  _Oh, wait_...

An irritated voice greeted her as she walked through the airlock to the rest of the ship, "Too close, Commander! Ten more seconds and we would've been swimming in molten sulphur." Garrus grunted in amusement as he stepped around Meghan while Liara's eyes went wide. Meghan grinned as she looked at the pilot who was berating her from his seat in the cockpit. She took a few steps forward, still carrying her arm tight against her torso. The pilot glared at her, green eyes narrowed. "The Normandy isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference."

Meghan opened her mouth to respond to the irascible Joker, but Liara interrupted her, "We almost died out there and your pilot is making jokes?"

This earned her a glare from the seated man. Meghan shook her head, "Joker pulled our asses out of there. He's entitled to a few bad jokes."

Liara's blue eyes searched Meghan's face and then transferred to Joker's. "I see. It must be a human thing." The alien returned her gaze to Meghan, "I don't have a lot of experience with your species, Commander." She drew herself up, squaring her shoulders. "But I am grateful to you. You saved my life back there. And not just from the krogan. Those geth would have killed me. Or dragged me off to Saren."

Garrus rumbled from where he stood behind Liara, "What did Saren even want with you?"

Meghan held up a hand. "Enough. There's time to get involved with that line of questioning in the debrief. Garrus, take Dr. T'Soni down and show her where to get cleaned up. You, too. We both stink like that planet."

Garrus looked at her from under his brow ridges, "As long as you go, too. I can't stand that smell any more."

"Aww, and here I thought I might bottle it as a perfume." Meg retorted.

Garrus laughed in response, and gestured for Liara to follow him. When they were alone, Meghan turned to the pilot.

He looked up at her, his green eyes narrowed in humor, "I prefer gold to silver. You know, for my medal. I figured you'd recommend me for one since I pulled your, uh, boots out of the fire."

Meghan grinned. She crossed her arms and leaned back on leg, "If we present you with a medal, you'll end up on stage listening to politicians make speeches for a couple hours. I like you too much for that."

He nodded thoughtfully, his eyes still twinkling in amusement. "That's a good point." He scratched at his chin, "Probably make me shave, too. I spent the last seven weeks working on this baby. No medal's worth that."

Meghan laughed, "I'll buy you a beer or three instead, how's that?"

"Fine, but none of that North American crap. That shit's like sex in a canoe." At Meghan's blank look, he rolled his eyes and clarified, "Fucking close to water?"

Meghan laughed and shook her head, "I should go. I need a shower."

Joker waved his hand in front of his nose, "Well, I wasn't going to say anything … but really, Commander. Try to find something less rotten to roll around in next time."

"Just for you, Joker. Wouldn't want to offend your delicate sensibilities!" Meghan told the pilot, still grinning. "Have the other two made it back?"

"You mean Shepards 1 and 2?"

She shook her head, "A) that means I'm three, and not happy you numbered us, and B) I guess it could be worse, you could have called them Thing 1 and Thing 2."

Joker blinked at her. "You know Doctor Seuss?"

Meghan snorted, "The extranet is not just for porn, Joker."

"I resent that. Of course it is."

She rolled her eyes, "Are they on board or not?"

"The Captain," and Meghan had to mentally check herself from asking about Anderson when she realized he was talking about Lex, "said that the debrief will start an hour after I pick you up. So, you were both apparently on the same wavelength," Joker informed her.

"Great. That gives me an hour to stop smelling like rotten eggs and krogan innards," Meghan waved her hand at him and turned on her heel to head aft and below to the locker room.

The weak water pressure in the showers meant she had to shampoo her long hair three times before the water finally ran clear from orange blood. The fact that her damaged shoulder was purpling nicely and hurt to move didn't help her speed any. As a consequence, by the time she made it to the meeting, Alexis was already scowling and glaring at something on her Omnitool. Probably the chrono function.

"Good of you to join us, Commander," Alexis said before looking over to the asari seated in one of the chairs. "Please introduce our visitor."

 _Great, she sounded irritated._ "Our guest is Dr. Liara T'Soni. Matriarch Benezia's daughter." Meghan crossed to stand on the opposite side of Alexis than Ella was.

"Welcome aboard the  _Normandy_ , Dr. T'Soni. Would you mind explaining what you were doing down there?" Alexis asked.

"I was studying Prothean ruins the miners found in their excavations."

"Did you find anything?" Ella asked, her eyes narrowed at the archaeologist.

"Nothing except that security field. My Omnitool contains quite a few notes and files regarding the dig. I can share what I know with all of you." She shifted uncomfortably on her seat at the steady gazes of the three commanders.

The lieutenant sat forward in his seat, his brown eyes focused on the asari, "What did Saren want with you? Do you know something about the Conduit?"

"Only that it was somehow connected to the Prothean extinction. That is my real area of expertise. I have spent the last fifty years trying to find out what happened to them."

Ella made a sound of disbelief, "How old are you exactly?"

"I hate to admit it, but I'm only a hundred and six." Liara looked shyly down at the floor.

"Damn, I hope I look that good when I'm your age!" Ashley blurted out.

"A century may seem like a long time to a short-lived species like yours. But among the asari, I am barely considered more than a child. That is why my research has not received the attention it deserves. Because of my youth, other asari scholars tend to dismiss my theories on what happened to the Protheans."

Meghan cleared her throat, but Alexis replied, "Did your research turn up anything interesting?"

"What is interesting is what did not turn up. There is remarkably little archaeological evidence of the Protheans. And even less that might explain why they disappeared. It is almost as if someone did not want the mystery solved. It's like someone came along after the Protheans were gone and cleansed the galaxy of clues. But here is the incredible part. According to my findings, the Protheans were not the first galactic civilization to mysteriously vanish. This cycle began long before them." The young asari seemed to realize she'd sounded like a professor in front of a class and shifted nervously again. Her blue eyes scanned the room until focusing on Meghan again.

"Where did you come up with this theory?" Meghan kept her face smooth despite Liara's fixd stare.  "I thought there wasn't any evidence?"

"I have been working on this for fifty years. I have tracked down every scrap and shred of evidence. Eventually, subtle patterns start to emerge. Patterns that hint at the truth. It's difficult to explain to someone else. I cannot point to one specific thing to prove my case. It is more a feeling derived from a half century of dedicated research. I know I'm right. And eventually, I will be able to prove it. There were other civilizations before the Protheans. This cycle has repeated itself many times over."

"If the Protheans weren't the first, then who was?" Meghan asked.

"I don't know. There is barely any evidence on the Protheans. Even less on those who came before them. I cannot prove my theory, but I know I am right! The galaxy is built on a cycle of extinction. Each time a great civilization rises up, it is suddenly and violently cast down. Only ruins survive. The Protheans rose up from a single world until their empire spanned the entire galaxy. Yet even they climbed to the top of the remains of those who came before. Their greatest achievements - the mass relays and the Citadel - are based on the technology of those who came before them. And then, like all the other forgotten civilizations throughout galactic history, the Protheans disappeared. I have dedicated my life to figure out why."

"They were wiped out by a race of sentient machines. The Reapers," Meghan said.

"The - the Reapers? But I have never heard of -? How do you know this? What evidence do you have?"

Alexis crossed her arms, "There was a damaged Prothean beacon on Eden Prime. It burned an image into my and my fellow Commanders' brains." Meghan and Ella both nodded. "We're still trying to sort out what it all means."

"Visions? Yes... that makes sense. The beacons were designed to transmit information directly into the mind of the user. Finding one that still works is extremely rare. No wonder the geth attacked Eden Prime. The chance to acquire a working beacon - even a badly damaged one - is worth almost any risk. But the beacons were only programmed to interact with Prothean physiology. Whatever information you received would have been confused, unclear. I am amazed you were able to make sense of it at all. A lesser mind would have been utterly destroyed by the process. You all must be remarkably strong-willed." Meghan stifled a chuckle at the lecturing tone the asari had dropped into again.

"This isn't going to help us find Saren. Or the Conduit." Alenko interjected. Meghan glanced at him. His handsome features were set in an expression of annoyance.

"Of course, you're right. I am sorry. My scientific curiosity got the better of me. Unfortunately, I do not have any information that could help you find the Conduit. Or Saren."

Alexis shrugged, "I don't know why Saren wanted you out of the picture. But I think we'll all be a lot better off if we bring you along."

"Thank you, Commander. Saren might come after me again. I cannot think of anywhere safer than here on your ship. And my knowledge of the Protheans might be useful later on."

Wrex rumbled, "And her biotics will come in handy when the fighting starts."

"Good to have you on the team, Liara," Alexis said.

"Thank you, Commander. I am very grate - whoa. I am afraid I'm feeling a bit light headed."

"When was the last time you ate, or slept? Dr. Chakwas should take a look at you." Why was Alenko still sounding annoyed?

"It is probably just mental exhaustion coupled with the shock of discovering the Protheans true fate. I need some time to process all this. Still, it could not hurt to be examined by a medical professional. It will give me a chance to think things over. Are we finished here, Commander?"

"We can talk again after you've seen the doctor," Meghan told her, gently. Liara nodded and with a last glance at the other commanders, nodded to Meghan and left, heading for the infirmary.

Alexis turned to Ella, "What did Bravo find, Commander?"

Ella snorted and leaned back against the rail that ran around the room, "A bunch of rocks and no geth."

Alexis nodded. "We didn't find any geth activity in the town either. We did run into what could be some interesting complications though. It appears that the company Eldfell-Ashland that runs the mining operations here disliked the fact that there was an Alliance presence here."

Meghan blinked. "Well, that's interesting. How much did they dislike it?"

"Apparently enough to try to ambush us in their own complex while they attempted to delete their databases of any relevant data. Alenko did what he could to recover the information," Alexis explained. She then looked from Ella to Meghan. "They also knew I was a Spectre."

It was Ella's turn to look astonished, "Uh, how, exactly?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, Commander. I didn't get a chance to ask. The woman found it preferable to take her own life rather than risk being captured."

"So, the Council has a mole," Garrus growled from where he sat next to Liara's now empty chair.

"Maybe. It certainly looks that way at least. Hopefully, the data we got will shed some light on that," Alexis replied. She then looked to Meghan. "I'd like you to get a team of techs together to try and crack that data. See what was there and how it might tie into anything else we know is going on. We can't rule out that Saren wasn't involved in this too."

"All right, Tali'Zorah, Lieutenant Alenko, Garrus Vakarian, please meet me back here in an hour. I'll see if Dr T'Soni is up to joining us as well. Her research skills could help." Meghan pinched the bridge of her nose. She supposed she was a better choice than Ella for leading the tech team, but the idea still gave her a headache.

"All right, people, dismissed," Alexis said.

"Mission reports are filed, Commanders." Joker's disembodied voice came over the intercom. Meghan was startled to see a small smile grace Ella's full lips for a fleeting moment. She filed it away to think about later. "You want me to patch you through to the Council?"

Ella looked at Alexis and Meghan who both nodded, and told the pilot, "Patch them through, Lieutenant."

"Setting up the link now, Commanders." The three marines turned around in the empty debriefing room to the holographic interface where the images of the three Councilors appeared, flickering due to minor interference.

The asari councilor spoke first. "We received your report, Commander. I understand Dr. T'Soni is on the  _Normandy_."

"I assume you're taking the necessary security precautions?" The turian councilor demanded.

"Liara's on our side," Alexis replied. "The geth were coming to kill her."

The asari councilor stared at them in disbelief. "Benezia would never allow Saren to kill her daughter."

The salarian councilor glanced at the blue-skinned woman, "Maybe she doesn't know."  _An actual voice of reason?_  Meghan wondered.

"Or maybe we don't know her," the turian councilor interrupted. "We never expected she could become a traitor." _Wait, did he just say something intelligent, too?_

"Well, at least the mission was a success." The salarian councilor all but glared at his fellow politicians.

"Apart from the utter destruction of a major Prothean ruin. Was that really necessary, Shepard?" Meghan swallowed the urge to punch the turian hologram in its smug cheekplates. Apparently the intelligence had been short lived.

Alexis defended her Marine OIC. "The geth were crawling all over those ruins. They were lucky to make it out alive."

The salarian was the voice of reason again, "Of course, Commander. The mission must always take priority."

The asari councilor seemed to have recovered from her shock over Benezia, "Good luck, Commanders." She glanced at each of them in turn. "Remember, we're all counting on you."

Meghan tilted her head and stared at the wall behind where the projections had been. "Gee, no pressure."

Ella shook her head. "That was the most useless waste of time. I hate politicians."

"They have their uses. Well, sometimes."

"Only if you want to test the structural integrity of the airlock." Meghan smirked. "I have to get set up to wrangle four disparate personalities on what might be a snipe hunt. You two want to sit in?"

Alexis shrugged. "I'll try to stop by if I get the chance. But you should probably worry more about that arm first."

"Do you think the asari could help us with the Prothean visions? Smooth out the rough edges? Or even put all the pieces together, see if it makes more sense that way?" Ella asked.

"My arm is fine. The cop helped me pop it back into place. How would the asari help?"

"Asari are big into meditation and visualization. Helps manage their biotics. Plus that whole alien-telepathy thing they've got going on." Ella shrugged. "She could help us figure out how to manage them better, or possibly even take a look at them herself. If she turns out to be trustworthy enough we're ok with her poking around in our heads, that is."

"And when did you turn into our resident asari expert?"

"My N instructor made me meditate with her every day." Ella rolled her eyes. "Stuck so well, obviously, but she wasn't interested in teaching me to manage dreams so much as increase my biotic output."

"We'll keep it in mind, it's not something I want to trust her with yet. I should probably go check on her, since she's seeing Chakwas right now. And then Meg can stop being a pig-headed brute and have her arm looked at." Alexis glared at her fellow commander.

"Hey, being a pig-headed brute is part of my charm."

"Yes, well, if you don't get that arm looked at, I'm pretty sure Ella will be able to take you one on one." Alexis smiled at her friend.

"Like Ella could hit a stationary elcor. Fine. I'll get it checked."

"You only like hitting things so much because you miss when you try and shoot them." Ella snorted.

Meghan grinned, "Well, if they would stay still like I tell them to, I wouldn't have to!"

"Stop changing the subject, Meg. What did you do to your arm?" Alexis demanded.

"Dislocated it." Meghan rolled the injured shoulder reflexively and winced.

The dark haired commander crossed her arms, "How?"

Meghan stared at the floor then glanced up and gave Ella a look from under her lashes, "A krogan battlemaster tried to rip it off."

The other two women stared at her in silent disbelief for a moment. Whether in awe that she survived, or concern for her sanity, Meghan wasn't sure. "I assume, judging from the fact that you're standing here, you killed him for his attempt?" Alexis demanded.

Meghan nodded. "With my combat knife." They both stared at her again. "What? I'm fine! Vakarian helped me pop it back into place. All Chakwas is going to do is tell me the same thing."

Alexis shook her head, "I don't care. Get your ass to medbay."

Meghan looked at Ella, "You think I'm crazy, don't you."

Ella snorted, "I'm not the one wrestling krogan to impress an ex-cop. So yeah, you're crazy." It was Meghan's turn to stare at Ella in astonishment. "But we all already knew you were crazy, so I'm not sure why you're so surprised."

"I wasn't trying to impress anyone!" Meghan protested.

"Sure. Medbay. Now." Alexis said in that tone that made Meghan swallow the urge to call her mom when she used it.

"Yes, mom," Ella answered brightly, obviously not resisting a similar urge. "Move it, Meg," she continued, shoving her friend toward the door. "Stop being crazy stoic marine and let's go see the doctor."

Meghan glared at the darker haired Shepard, "You're just as bad as she is."

"And as bad as you are." Ella agreed, as she finally dragged Meghan out into the hallway. "I take turns, depending on which of your crazies I think goes with breakfast."

In spite of herself, Meghan laughed. "And what did you have for breakfast today?" she asked, walking to the stairs that led to the crew deck.

"I tried to make oatmeal, but Julia turned it into something resembling gruel. So I stuck with watery eggs and slightly chewy bacon." Ella sighed in disgust. "Stupid autochef."

Despite the awful description, Meghan's stomach growled. "I think I over worked my biotics down there."

"You go see Chakwas. I'll bring you a plate. I'll even try and make it edible."

Meghan rolled her eyes as they separated. "That would be a miracle."

A few minutes later, Meghan was sitting on an exam table shirtless in only her standard issue bra, with the doctor and her CO staring at her black-and-blue shoulder appraisingly. "What?" she demanded, self conscious.

The doctor crossed her arms and looked from one Vanguard to the other, "I don't know which of you is worse."

Meghan pointed with her good arm at the same time that Lex did. In unison, they both said, "She is."

The doctor laughed, "Now, tell me what happened."

Meghan shrugged with the one shoulder, "A krogan thought I'd look better without it. I disagreed violently."

"Dislocated?" The doctor moved closer and began prodding the joint.

"Yes."

"How did you get it back in?" The doctor raised the arm and began rotating it within the socket.

Meghan let out a breath at the pain. "Vakarian held it still. I popped it back in. I've done it a hundred times."

Chakwas' voice was still neutral, "I assume your krogan friend is no longer among the living?"

"Of course."

"Anyone ready for food yet, or should I go hover in the mess?" Ella paused in the doorway of the med-bay, a covered tray held in front of her.

Alexis waved Ella in as she waited for the doctor to finish her examination. "Well, Commander, it looks like you got it back in place with no nerve damage. A light application of medigel should bring down the swelling and ease the bruising. Try not to wrestle a krogan again?"

"Duly noted, doc." Meghan glanced at Ella with her tray and her stomach rumbled again.

"Only you," Ella commented as she grabbed a side table and swung it over towards Meghan, "would need the doctor to tell her that. Most people? Figure out not to wrestle krogan all on their own."

"Hey, it needed to be done. Bastard wouldn't lay down and die," Meghan told them around a mouthful of bland sandwich. Chakwas' gentle hands massaged the numbing gel into her bruised skin and she sighed in relief. "Besides, you would have done the same. You're just as nuts as I am."

"I would not have wrestled him. I would've tried to build up a  _warp_  resonance so he wrestled himself. And possibly beat his head in with the butt of my shotgun if that didn't work." Ella glanced over as the far door of the med-bay opened, and the asari scientist they'd rescued peered tentatively around at the gathered commanders.

"There speaks someone who's never fought a battlemas-." Meghan broke off as she saw Ella's attention shift. She followed the other woman's brown eyed gaze to find Liara staring at her. Meghan suddenly really wanted her shirt but Chakwas was still applying medigel. The girl's eyes seemed to linger on the old jagged scar running over her rib cage.

"'Course I haven't fought a battlemaster. We're proving you're crazy today, not me."

As Ella distracted Meghan, Alexis stepped up to block Liara's view. "Are you feeling better, Dr T'Soni?"

The archaeologist shook her head slightly and focused on the fair-haired Commander standing in front of her, "Yes, much, thank you."

"Good, glad to hear it. If you don't mind, I'd like to have a word or two with you," Alexis said, inclining her head towards the room Liara was coming out of.

"Oh, of course, Commander," Liara said stepping back into the room. Alexis followed her and the door slid shut.

"Shit. You'd think she never saw a girl without a shirt before." Meghan rolled her eyes. Chakwas gave her shoulder a final appraising glance and walked away to wash her hands.

"Apparently she's never seen a girl like you without her shirt before?" Ella offered with a slight grin. "Really, Meg, what is it with you and asari? You're like catnip or something."

Meghan glared at her best friend as she pulled her shirt on over her arms, "I am not." Her voice was muffled as she pulled it down over her head, "You're just jealous she wasn't checking you out."

Ella sighed melodramatically. "The story of my life. Everyone likes blondes better."

Meghan hopped off the table, "Blondes with big boobs, don't forget."

Ella snorted. "Mosquito bites, more like." She picked the tray up again. "C'mon, let's get you some more food before you have to meet your techs. Want me to get the pilot for you too? He's prone to hacking into systems he's not supposed to be in."

Meghan shrugged, then blinked, "Joker's a hacker, too, along with being a pain in the ass?"

"Misspent youth stuck on the extranet with nothing else to do, I think."

"Sounds familiar, but I can't hack to save my life. Sure, bring him along if he can give up his chair long enough."

"What? I'm not helping. I'll just go drag Naismith or Quinn up to the cockpit and send Moreau over to the comm room. Don't want me near sensitive OSD's. I'll break something."

"I don't think you should be allowed near tech, period," Meghan retorted, tucking her shirt in.

"Exactly."

It didn't take long for Meghan to set up in the comm room. She downloaded the OSDs so that their contents could be displayed on the view screen. Alenko was the first to arrive. "Need any help, Commander?"

Meghan looked down at the machine, "You know how to get the beacon recordings off our 'Tools, right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She took the slender band off her wrist and handed it to the Sentinel, "Here you go."

They worked quietly for a while and the others started to trickle in. Vakarian followed by Tali, then Joker who handed Alenko Ella's 'Tool for download. Liara was the last to arrive. When they were all seated, Meghan turned to them. "Let's get started. We have a lot of data to go through and not a lot of time to do it before we head back to the Citadel to debrief the Ambassador and Captain Anderson."

Liara sat up straighter in her chair, "What, exactly, are we looking for, Commander?"

"Glad you asked, Liara. We're looking for anything in all the data we've gotten that might give us a clue as to Saren's next step. And if Eldfell-Ashland is involved. They knew about the commander's Spectre status, and were up to something covert enough it was worth a suicide to attempt to hide it."

"Are you sure it was a suicide? Maybe she was just trying to reboot something. Those corporate types tend not to be that smart."

Alenko shook his head, "It didn't look accidental. You could only do what she did deliberately. It looked like poison. A cyanide capsule maybe."

Meghan snorted, "That's out of a bad Twentieth spy movie."

"You mean we're Q?" Joker snickered. "I can live with that. I've even got the invisible ship already."

Meghan shook her head, "You're Moneypenny."

"Does that mean I'm supposed to be flirting with you?"

Meghan grinned, sweetly, "Only if you want your legs broken."

"C'mon, Bond always flirts with Moneypenny. Unless you're not Bond?"

"I might be. Don't Spectres have a license to kill?"

"You can't have three Bonds though. You could have three Bond Girls..."

"In your dreams, flyboy."

"If there is a God, yes."

"I'm sorry, is this a human thing? What's a Bond Girl?" Liara looked up at Meghan, wide eyed.

"Sorry, just two geeks getting derailed. It's a type of character in an old vid. A woman noted for her looks, but utterly useless." She glared at Joker who smirked.

"They weren't useless. They were hero-bait. Or distractions. Or assassins. With great legs." Joker held up Ella's 'tool. "Besides, I'm multi-tasking. All done combining the footage for everyone."

"And big tits and small IQs." She rolled her eyes, "Fine, show us what Shepard recorded, Joker."

"I timed all three of them. The creepy green flash thing was simultaneous." He glanced over at Alenko. "And the lights started to speed up right before Alenko started scanning his. Whatever happened had already started."

Meghan frowned, "Did we all start scanning at the same time?"

Alenko pressed a few buttons on his tool and the screen split to show all three beacons. "According to the timestamp, we're all within seconds of each other. But the lights started speeding just shortly before you started scanning, ma'am."

Meghan stood in the middle of the floor staring at the images, her hand on her chin and her elbow supported by her other arm. She tilted her head. "Something's odd, but I can't put my finger on it."

Vakarian stood up to approach the projections. Meghan watched as his head moved back and forth while he looked from one section to the other. He pointed to an odd symbol on each of the pieces, a stylized set of golden horns that formed an open circle. "I've seen that somewhere. I can't quite place it, but I've seen it somewhere."

Liara stood and approached the screen, "It's not a Prothean symbol."

"You're sure?"

"It's not a geth symbol, either," Tali interjected.

Meghan glanced at her, "So, if it's not geth or Prothean, what is it? The only one of us it even rings a bell for is a cop. Is it a criminal organization's? Is it a merc band like the Blue Suns, or Blood Pack?"

"I don't know. But I wish I could remember where I've seen it." Garrus sounded frustrated.

"We'll set the computer to do a search. Maybe it'll find it. Until then, let's see what we can figure out on our own." Meghan paused a moment to survey the group. "Tali, Liara, take the Eden Prime footage. You're our best bet for recognizing what's geth, what's prothean, and what came from our mysterious third party. Which will hopefully lead us to Saren.

"You three," her gaze swept over Vakarian and the Alliance Lieutenants. "You three split up the OSD data, and see if you can find out what Eldfell-Ashland knows, and how they got the drop on us."

"She means you," Joker grinned at Alenko. "How they got the drop on you."

Alenko rolled his eyes, "Come down planetside next time, Joker. I'm sure something'll get the drop on you."

"An elcor could get the drop on me, planetside," Joker muttered. "Which is why I stay in my nice climate-controlled ship."

"Then why piss off the marines, Joker?" Garrus asked, shaking his head.

"Alenko's harder to piss off than that, Vakarian. God knows I keep trying, and he refuses to rise to the bait."

"Then why do you keep trying?" the C-Sec officer asked.

"That's what friends do."

Garrus shook his head, "And what will you be doing, Shepard?"

Meghan grinned. "That's easy. I get to supervise. And get trained to be a better offensive biotic by our resident krogan."

The turian blinked, "Taking on a battlemaster once wasn't enough? You want to do it again for fun?"

"Wrex isn't going to take my arm off and beat me with it."

"Wait, what happened, Vakarian?" Alenko asked.

"She took on a krogan battlemaster with only her combat knife and one working arm." Meghan felt her face heat as every pair of eyes in the room turned to her.

"What?"

"You took down a krogan..." Alenko began.

"Battlemaster..." Joker interrupted.

"With only a combat knife?" Tali finished.

"It was really quite impressive," Liara said defensively.

"Look, I had to do what I had to do. All the guns were slagged and he picked me up to throw me. I got free and, well..." She shook her head at their stares. "Don't you all have work to do?"

Alenko glanced at Joker, "Maybe you shouldn't try to piss her off."

"Noted."

Meghan shook her head and left them to work. She stopped off and grabbed a couple of the protein bars before heading down to see how Ashley was coming with the rifle before she made her report to Alexis. It was still odd to think of her best friend as her CO, but it was an idea she was getting used to. There were few other people in the galaxy she'd be prouder to serve under, after all.

Ashley was at the weapons maintenance area staring down at the geth gun with her hands on her hips, a dirty oil rag in one fist. "Everything all right, Chief?"

Ashley jumped slightly and turned, "Oh, yes, Shepard. Sorry, I was just concentrating. I can't make heads or tails of this thing. I asked the krogan about it and he just grunted and handed it back to me."

Meghan walked over to see the weapon on the table more clearly. "I'll send Tali over. She might know something about geth tech."

"Thanks, Shepard. This thing is driving me insane." She turned to lean on the table and smiled at her superior officer, "So... scuttlebutt says you took on a krogan barehanded."

Meghan blinked, "Seriously, the Alliance needs to put some money in researching the speed of scuttlebutt. I swear it's faster than the speed of light."

Ashley laughed, "It would be money well-spent, that's for sure. But really, Shepard, what the hell happened?"

Meghan sighed and rubbed her shoulder. "He hit me, knocked my arm out of joint and then lifted me. My shotgun was slagged and I couldn't get to my pistol. All I had was my combat knife. I got free, jumped on his back and started stabbing his neck."

Ashley stared at her, "Damn, ma'am. That's... that's a hell of a fight."

Meghan shrugged, "It was stupid and reckless and I should have found a different way to subdue him. I shouldn't have let it get to the point where all I had was a knife! I'm a fucking biotic!" Meghan cleared her throat. "Sorry, didn't mean to take that out on you."

"It's all right, Shep. Er, Shepard. You need a place to vent, I'm here." The younger woman smiled.

Meghan smiled back, "Thanks, Chief. It's been awhile since anyone's called me Shep. I don't mind." Toombs had been the last person, as a matter of fact. She swallowed that memory. "A place to vent sounds good. Same for you. How was your trip out with the CO?"

Ashley grimaced, "Permission to speak freely?"

"Of course, or I wouldn't have asked."

"It was a waste of fucking time, Shep. Sure, we found intel, but I doubt it leads us any closer to that turian bastard." She threw her rag down on her table.

Meghan looked at her for a moment, "We don't know what will lead us closer or not, Ashley. Anything at this point is helpful." She grinned again, "You're just disappointed you didn't get to help me take down the krogan."

Ashley chuckled, "You're probably right." She glanced away as if considering her next words carefully. "Has the CO always been so uptight?"

Meghan looked at her askance. "How do you mean?"

"She just doesn't seem to have a sense of humor any more."

Meghan tilted her head at the odd phrasing, "I assure you, she's got a sense of humor. She just doesn't trot it out a lot. What do you mean, 'any more?'"

Ashley rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably, "Well, we were in this bar down planetside... And they had these vids up that scrolled through pictures."

Meghan felt her stomach drop into her boots. There was only one set of pictures that would make Alexis' sense of humor run and hide. "Uh, what kind of pictures."

"Pin ups."

Meghan scrubbed her face with her hands. "Let me guess. She was in them?"

"Yeah, partial armor. Topless."

Meghan groaned. "It wasn't the full frontal one was it?"

Ashley's eyes widened, "There were others?" she demanded incredulously.

"Yeah, she did a whole set. Alliance PR after Elysium, they talked her into it. They even convinced her to wear the N7 stripe none of us had earned yet. But at least they didn't require full nudity below the waist. Pissed off a lot of marines, but recruitment numbers shot through the roof after." Meghan covered her mouth and stared at the bulkhead behind the other woman, "No wonder she's been a bit more grumpy than usual. If you saw them, Alenko saw them, too, didn't he?"

"Yeah, but he wasn't an ass about it, at least. If he ever brings it up, I'll be surprised."

Meghan nodded, "Just FYI, I'd forget you saw them."

"Consider them forgotten, Shep."


	21. Mon Ami Pierrot

After settling her poor bruised lunatic of a marine CO best friend in the mess with some food, Ella Shepard hunted up Lieutenant Quinn to pass along her new pilot-back-up assignment, and dragged herself up to the cockpit to let the primary flight lieutenant know he was being loaned out for some clandestine detective work.

_He’ll probably like that. Even if it does mean he has to get out of his fancy pilot’s chair._

Shepard was surprised to hear two unfamiliar chuckles, masculine and feminine, somewhere up ahead of her as she passed the galaxy map. Raising her eyebrows, she realized Pressly and Williams were taking up the nav and tech stations in the cockpit, and were obviously amused by something Joker had said, judging by the sly shrug he was finishing up.

Pressly was the first to glance back at the sound of boots traveling up the CIC. Shepard suppressed a sigh as she could see his spine stiffen with her approach. Williams straightened in her chair as well, but Moreau didn’t even bother to turn around.

“Care to share any of the news from on-high, Commander?” Joker called back.

“That would require those on-high to share with me, Lieutenant, which they are not prone to do. They just tell me which direction to shoot in. And yell at me afterwards for the mess.”

Williams snorted softly in appreciation, and Shepard shot her a quick grin. Even Pressly’s dour expression twitched for just a moment, though Shepard almost missed it as she watched Joker twist his chair to the side so he could glance back at her.

“If you’re not here to help with my information gathering, ma’am, what can we do for you?”

“You can get your creaky ass down to the comm room in about 30 minutes. You have a command-approved opportunity to help our ground-team techs snoop through corporate files.”

“I’ll shove him in the right direction when his relief shows up.” Williams offered with a grin. “Ma’am,” she added as Shepard turned her gaze on the NCO. 

“Didn’t know you were technologically inclined, Chief?” Shepard asked, with a slight nod at the console in front of Williams. 

“Not particularly, but I know which displays should be green or not, and Pressly and Joker are pretty good techs themselves. Figured an extra pair of eyes couldn’t hurt, since everyone’s short staffed.” Williams shrugged. “If that’s all right, Commander?”

“That’s something you should have confirmed with chain of command, Chief, as neither your CO nor I appreciate being worked around.” Williams’ eyes widened at the reprimand, but Joker interrupted with a snort.

“Yeah right, like putting the soldier to work when she brought me coffee was a bad thing. She’s gonna start believing all those Butcher rumors ma’am.”

“As I was going to finish, Lieutenant,” Shepard rolled her eyes at the impertinent pilot, “I’m not about to disagree with first nav if he thinks you’ve got good eyes, Williams.

“Copy the other Commanders, Navigator, and let them know you’ve borrowed another marine, will you please?” She nodded slightly at Pressly, who looked a bit surprised to be nodding back. “And now I must go fill out paperwork in triplicate for Central and the Council.” Shepard sighed. “The perils of command track.”

“Need to get yourself in trouble more often, Commander,” Joker grinned. “I’ll never have to worry about too much paperwork.”

“Just for that, I’m putting you in charge of the flight crew schedules. Since you’re first pilot, and all. Get Pressly’s approval before you send them to me.”

Williams burst out laughing as Joker swore softly.

~*~

Humming softly, Ella attempted to convince the auto-chef to make some simple warm milk. With honey and vanilla and nutmeg. _OK, maybe not that simple. Probably above the turian bitch’s paygrade. Evil pilot, naming her Julia and getting my hopes up_. She bit her lip as she eyed the creamy white concoction that poured into her mug. Smells promising …

_“au claire de la lune  
mon ami Pierrot …”_

Whirling around at the rusty voice singing along to her humming, Ella saw Joker, as if summoned by her idle thought, leaning on his crutches behind her in the quiet mess. She blinked at him for a moment, surprised both that anyone else was wandering around in the middle of third shift who didn’t have to be awake, and that said person would recognize the obscure little children’s song stuck in her head.

“Nice accent,” she managed after a moment. “Not many people speak French anymore.”

“Thank Grandpere Moreau.” He somehow managed a slight shrug without adjusting his hands on his crutches. “Kept me company whenever the folks took a break from the kid in the bed.” He cocked his head to the side slightly. “What’s your excuse? Shepard’s not very French.”

“Ah, I had a Mama Amelie and Oncle Romain. Though the song’s courtesy of Papa’s addiction to folk music. He liked finding old French songs in particular so he could torment my mother and Uncle with his wretched pronunciation.” She tilted her head to the side, mirroring his movement as she considered the oddly quiet pilot. "Yours is much better, in fact."

"Always been good with my tongue."

 _And there we go..._ She grinned at him, shaking her head in mock dismay. "Should've known you couldn't maintain a civil conversation for more than a minute." She nodded towards the table next to him. “If you want to take a seat, I’ll be happy to share my attempt to convince the ‘chef to make a nice soothing drink. Unless you’re up at 0300 on purpose? Which I doubt, since you’re supposed to be on duty to fly us through the Nebula in, oh, five hours?”

"Physical therapy day," Joker admitted, as he slowly worked his way down into a chair, sliding his crutches under the table. "Always have trouble getting, and staying, asleep. Extra sore." He paused, as if considering what he was going to say for once. "How 'bout you, ma'am?"

"Nightmares," Ella answered curtly. "Got an extra fun new one, courtesy of Eden Prime and the beacon."

"Care to share?" Joker asked seriously. "It's a pretty good cure for most nightmares."

 _Watching Robert's body, impaled, turning grey, working himself free, attacking, the screams of tortured metal and dying stars echoing through the air around them. Desperately scrambling backwards, crying, shouting, finally forced to shoot him in the head when he won’t. stop. coming. The blue fading away, his skin warming back to dark brown, his eyes rich and dark, his voice, weak and whispery..._ "you killed me jelly-bean... why? why'd you kill me... "

Ella shuddered as the memory of the dream flooded her thoughts again, then shook her head hard, banishing it back into the depths of her mind. "Don't think I'm ready for that, Joker," she croaked. "Thanks, though."

She picked up both mugs from the 'chef and walked over to the table, careful not to spill. She slid one across the table and settled herself with the second, sniffing again experimentally. _Still smells good._ After the horror that had been her first attempt at dinner from the damn 'chef, however, she wasn’t about to risk a full gulp. She carefully dipped her pinky into the warm liquid and licked her finger clean.

"Mmmm," she sighed, closing her eyes with pleasure as she sucked the last drop off her finger. _Doesn't taste much like milk, but damn that's good._

"If you're going to be sucking and moaning like that every night, ma'am, I'm going to need to replace my cruise sock ahead of schedule."

"Ew!" Ella's eyes flew open to the sight of the pilot's laughing face. She leaned over and pulled the first mug back across the table until it settled next to her own. "Just for that, I'm not sharing. All mine."

“You know the ‘chef has a recall function.” Joker was still laughing at her. “I can make some more.” 

“Really?” Ella turned and glared back at the machine. “So I didn’t have to memorize which buttons I pushed? How do you make it do that?”

“The orange recall button pulls up the last five dishes. Otherwise, you have to go into the main menu. You really don’t know how to do that? How have you fed yourself the past thirty years?”

“Well, ever since I enlisted, the Alliance has made sure to shove food at me. And before that, minus a short stint being subjected to an institutional cafeteria for wayward teenagers, I had a proper kitchen. With actual food, kept in a fridge, an awful lot of which we grew or raised ourselves. And then we cooked it ourselves. On a stove.” 

“Barbarian,” Joker shuddered elaborately.

“Ha. You’ll take that back if I ever get access to an oven and make some proper bread.” Ella sighed wistfully at the thought. “So much better than the styrofoam you get out of machinery.”

“You can bake?”

“Why does that always surprise people?” 

“Probably the scar and the broken nose. And the guns. And the throwing people into walls with your mind. You don’t look very domestic. Ma’am.”

Ella snorted. “Normal people don’t answer questions like that, Moreau.”

“Life would be dull if I were like normal people.”

“Sometimes dull is good?” 

“Really? ‘Cause you give the impression you shoot people when you’re bored.”

“Hey, I haven’t shot anyone yet, and spending the last two days watching all the techs play with mysterious files while I get to sign paperwork? Very boring.”

“All our reports on our lack of progress so far weren’t captivating reading? And we tried so hard to find new ways to say ‘no new data’.” Joker sighed mournfully.

“Suggestion for you geeks, then. If you want your reports to entertain your vanguard commanders? Tell Vakarian to translate his tech-speak into baby-english. Alenko’s good at it, he can help. As they are right now? My eyes glaze, and my brain tries to escape out my ears.”

“See? You don’t like dull.” 

“Huh. Point.” Ella shoved the second mug back across the table in surrender. “You win. Dull is bad. Have a drink.”

“Thanks.” He took a careful sip as a slow blink hid his eyes, and she found herself tempted to hold her breath as she waited for them to open again. “That is damn fine, Shepard.”

Ella grinned at him in triumph, before slurping carefully at her hot drink. “It is, isn’t it?”

Joker just shook his head, as if impressed to have met someone whose ego could tangle with his own, and they both sipped away in companionable silence.

“So,” Joker drawled after a moment, “got an impertinent question for you.”

“Do you have any other kind?” Ella raised her eyebrows at him.

“Probably not,” he agreed. “It’s about your ‘tool.”

Ella stiffened, her voice dropping into a cool monotone. “What about my omnitool, Moreau?”

“Huh. Apparently that was more impertinent than I expected. Just wondering how you got your hands on the first prototype Kassa. They never actually sold those.”

“Dunno. Present,” Ella’s voice was clipped, her mouth tight despite trying to force herself to relax. _Not his fault_. 

“And that’s bad why?” Joker kept asking, despite her chilly reaction. “You’ve kept it for the past six years, after all. Even a fancy prototype’s gotta be out of date by now.”

“All I do with it is check email, store personnel files, and trigger suit functions. Don’t need anything fancier.”

Joker raised his eyebrows, refusing to be sidetracked from his original question. “And again, you’re still all scowly.”

“It was from someone who doesn’t like me much anymore,” Ella admitted grudgingly.

“And that’s apparently not mutual. Got it. Who wouldn’t like you?”

Ella snorted in genuine amusement, finally relaxing in spite of herself. “Laying it on a bit thick, aren’t you? Besides my girls, and occasionally the Admiral and the Old Man, nobody likes seeing the Butcher walk into the room.”

“We like you just fine, here on the _Normandy._ ” Joker shrugged. “Besides, if you’re as good at the baking as you say, you should just make them cookies. Everybody likes cookies”

“Thank you Lieutenant. I’ll keep an eye out for some chocolate chips.” Ella swirled the last of her drink around the bottom of her mug. “This is the best posting I’ve had the past five years, I must admit.”

“Even with prothean nightmares causing 3am wake-up calls? While chasing a crazy turian and semi-mythological geth? Your life sucks.”

“Speaks the man who threatened to bring a bottle to his workstation ‘cause it’s a pain to get up to go to the bathroom. And is also awake at 3am from physio, and part of the same crazy mission. Pot, kettle.”

“We look good in black.” Joker leaned forward and whispered confidingly.

“How do you know?” Ella asked as he leaned back into his seat. “Haven’t seen anyone in civvies. Besides my spectacular clubbing failure, of course. Which wasn’t black.”

“I know I look good in black.” Joker tilted his head with a smirk, and Ella was forced to mentally acknowledge the very pleasant possibilities of a nice heavy black leather jacket across his surprisingly well-muscled shoulders. “And I have a vivid imagination.”

“Keep it to yourself. Perv.” Ella grinned, delighted at how much better she felt than when she flailed herself awake in the pod, smacking her wrist for at least the third time since Eden Prime.

“Hey, I could’ve been imagining a very classy black suit you know. All inappropriate bits covered.”

“You weren’t though, were you?”

“Not telling. Not that stupid. Any answer to that would get me smacked.”

“Nah.” Ella shook her head. “You’d probably like that.”

“You’ve figured me out.” Joker sighed. “And here I thought I was sneakier than that.”

“You have half a thought and it comes out of your mouth.” Ella almost laughed aloud. “What part of that is sneaky?”

“Ah, but you have no idea how many other thoughts I have I don’t say out loud. I could be very sneaky. In comparison.”

“Considering what you have said, I’m afraid to consider what sorts of things might actually inspire an edit function in that brain of yours.”

“No you’re not.” Joker’s expression was briefly serious in the middle of his teasing.

“I’m not?”

“Nope. Don’t think you’re afraid of anything. Certainly not me.”

“Same could be said of you, flyboy. Thanks, by the way.”

“What, for not being afraid of you?” Joker waited for her slight nod before grinning again. “That was easy.”

“Explain that to everyone else in the Alliance, would you?”

“Sure thing. Want me to go alphabetical, or by rank?”


	22. Inspection

"I'll be leaving you in charge while myself and the other commanders are gone, Pressly," Alexis told the officer in the CIC, knowing that Meghan and Ella would be following her shortly to leave the ship. Meghan was to go shopping for supplies for the ship and squads. Ella, on the other hand, had mentioned something about abducting someone for a visit. It was one of those moments where Alexis didn't ask questions. Just in case. "It shouldn't be for long, but I have no idea how long their tasks are going to take them. Hopefully my visit to Anderson and Udina will be short."

Pressly gave her a curt nod, his gaze slipping briefly past her and Lieutenant Alenko to the large krogan, Wrex. The navigator's lips pursed slightly, and Alexis made a mental note to check with Ella to see if the man was still having issues with their alien crew members. Not that Alexis was certain why the krogan had chosen this day to follow her about. When she had gone to the cargo hold shortly before their arrival to the Citadel to advise him that they would be at the station for a few hours, the krogan had "invited" himself to tag along with her. She thought it prudent to not ask and just go along for now. Besides, she might get to know the mercenary a bit more.

Heading towards the airlock, she noticed that Joker was missing from his customary spot at the helm. As unusual as that was, she'd have to check into that later. Alexis wanted to get to the Presidium and get this chat with the Ambassador over as quickly as possible. Dealing with the politician, or hell any politician, was quite the chore. As she continued out of the ship, her eyes spied a man standing just outside the airlock, dressed in Class A's. And he looked rather unhappy.  _Ah, fuck, I'd rather deal with Udina than a pissed-off Admiral._

At about the same time, Alenko sounded off a "Ten-hut!" Both marines snapped to attention with salutes.

The Admiral glanced both of them over for a moment, pointedly ignoring the krogan who had at least come to a stop behind Alexis. "At ease," he finally said, pausing for a moment as the marines shifted into parade rest. "Rear Admiral Mikhailovich, Fifth Fleet."

"We weren't told to expect you, sir. I would have prepared a formal greeting."  _And made sure the other two commanders were present,_  Alexis silently added.

The Admiral scowled. "Spare me the pleasantries. I command the 63rd Scout Flotilla. You and the  _Normandy_  were slated for my unit after shakedown. Then the Council got their paws… claws. Tentacles. Whatever. They got them on our ship. And  _you_. "

"I still serve the Alliance, sir. I just have the opportunity to advance  _our_ interests to the Council too."

He made a disgusted sound. " You still know what color your blood is, Shepard? I don't begrudge the politicians' decision to throw you, or the other commanders," he sneered slightly before continuing, "to the Council. It's an…. opportunity. I do begrudge this overdesigned piece of tin, though," he said directly his glare briefly towards the  _Normandy_ before returning it to Shepard.

Alexis felt a slight surge of annoyance, but she repressed it, keeping her face neutral. It was a good thing there wasn't a formal greeting. Joker would have probably mouthed off at that comment. "The  _Normandy_  is a fine ship, sir. She's served us well so far."

"It's a gimmick, Commander. Useless in a stand-up fight. This experiment diverted billions from our appropriation bills. For the same price, we could've had a heavy cruiser. But no, we had to make nice to the turians. Throw money at a co-developed boondoggle. I'm here to make an inspection, Commander.  _Normandy_  is an Alliance warship. I intend to see she's up to snuff." Not that his tone indicated any kind of fairness would be used in the inspection. She fully expected him to come out foaming at the mouth enraged.

"We'd be honored to show her to you, Admiral," Alexis said.

"I'll just bet. Wait here. I won't be long." He then stalked off into the airlock and disappeared into the ship.

While they waited for him to return, Alexis found it impossible to relax. Wrex had taken the moment to stand back and just observe, a wicked grin on his face. Was he amused at the situation? The familiar hiss of the airlock sounded, and Alexis' attention flew back to the door, only to see Meghan, Officer Vakarian, and Chief Williams exiting the ship.

"Who's the brass?" Meghan asked.

"Mikhailovich. Fifth fleet. He apparently has an ax to grind about the  _Normandy_  being reassigned from his flotilla. Care to stay and enjoy the show?" Alexis asked with a wry smile.

"Oh, hell no. You're the CO, you get to play with the brass. Besides, I have credits burning a hole in my pocket." The curve of Meghan's lips straightened as her voice slowed down.  "Wait, was that  _the_  Mikhailovich? The son of a bitch on my review board?"

"I've not heard of any other Admiral Mikhailoviches. So, chances are, yes. I'd recommend high-tailing it out of here then before he comes back out," Alexis said trying to get her friend moving before a possible incident. She certainly did not want to test the limits of their Spectre authority on an internal Alliance affair.

"I've wanted to deck that bastard since he called me, what was it? Oh, yeah, a weak willed coward who left her unit to die."

"I'll get someone to fashion his likeness to something you can pulverize in Marine Country. I don't think this is quite the time or place to try and bury that hatchet."

Meghan muttered something and Lex can only hear the words "hatchet" and "skull." It wasn't hard to imagine the line of murderous thoughts her friend was probably having at the moment. Alexis certainly didn't blame her for them. "Fine, I won't cause a diplomatic incident. Have fun with the asshole." Meghan lead her squad away, but Lex could still hear her voice as she spoke with Ashley. "Dammit, now I need to hit something. A lot."

A few minutes after Meghan and her squad left, the Admiral finally returned from his inspection. The same scowl plastered across his face. It seemed Mikhailovich had found nothing good about the ship. Even less surprising was the fact that he had a counter for every good point she brought up.

About the only time he did manage to surprise her, though, was when he ended his interrogation with, "Very well. I don't agree with any of this, but reasons seem… sound. I'll be submitting a report to the Joint Military Council. It will not be as negative as I had planned." He paused briefly to salute her. "Good hunting, Commander Shepard. Make us proud."

It was only a minute after he left that Alexis finally breathed a slight sigh of relief. She glanced over to Alenko and Wrex, both of whom had been quiet for the duration of the conversation. Although, she had heard a chuckle from the krogan when the Admiral carried on about the alien crew members. "Come on. We have one more sour demeanor to endure still today," she said heading towards the elevator.

"You humans have an interesting way of dealing with things," Wrex commented from behind her.

"What do you mean?"

"If that man had been krogan, I would have head-butted him."

She heard Alenko cover a laugh with a cough, and it was hard to keep from smiling at that particular mental image. "Well, it's generally frowned upon for us to strike a superior officer."  _No matter how deserving_. "But I'll make sure we keep that in mind for the future."

* * *

Alexis reminded herself to thank Wrex for inviting himself along later. Despite not being terrible company, it was worth it just to see Udina's eyes practically bug out of his skull when he saw the krogan lumber in the door behind her. Of course, that only worsened the ambassador's already surly disposition. But it was well worth the price.

Udina did his best to smother the sneer off his face, but appeared to be failing. She really hoped he was better at these things in the political venue. "I heard what happened out in the Artemis Tau cluster. The Council wasn't too happy about the destruction of those Prothean ruins."

Before Alexis could open her mouth to reply, Anderson jumped on Udina, "This isn't a game, Ambassador. The commanders are out there trying to stop Saren from destroying the galaxy!"

For a flicker of a moment, Udina appeared slightly paler at the outburst from the Captain. "I know. I know," he conceded. "Just  _try_  to be a little more careful. The Council's watching all of you. And we all get judged on how  _you_  behave." He then shot a withering look at Anderson before leaving the room.

Alexis glanced back to Anderson who was shaking his head. "Are you alright, Captain?"

He shrugged slightly. "Just a bit stir crazy, Commander. How have you been settling in?"

"There have been some... adjustments. But, we're making things work." It wasn't the best answer in the world, but it was probably the most honest assessment she could give.

Anderson nodded before offering up some advise. "Remember that you don't have to carry the burden alone, Commander. Now if you'll excuse me, I find myself needing to keep an eye on our Ambassador of late. I'll let you know if we get any more leads for your team." He then left Alexis and her squad alone in the office as he hurried after Udina.

"Huh, well, that didn't take as long as I had imagined," Alexis said. She glanced from Alenko to Wrex. "Either of you have anything you need to do?"

"There's someone I need to speak to," Wrex rumbled before turning and walking out the door.

Alenko looked to her with raised eyebrows, and she merely shook her head with a shrug. She had no idea if that was an invitation to follow or just Wrex's way of excusing himself. They at least had to leave the building, as she had no desire to loiter about in Udina's office in case he decided to come back any time soon, so she turned and followed Wrex's path.

Despite his lumbering gait, the krogan was making a steady pace ahead of them Alexis noticed as they left the embassy building. Wrex had already begun crossing one of the winding paths that led to the far side of the Presidium, without a glance behind him. She was guessing by that clue that he did not intend for the two marines to follow him.

"Well, at least he's direct," Alenko commented as they both came to a stop along one of the railings, Wrex slowly disappearing from direct view. The krogan had taken a roundabout way through the Presidium, and the two marines were left in front of a peculiar looking statue that reminded Alexis of a mass effect relay.

Alexis half laughed, leaning her back against the railing as she watched the other people of the Presidium walk by. "There is at least that. I much prefer the abrupt departure to the possible headbutting."

That comment elicited a soft chuckle from the marine next to her which gave her a slight tingling sensation down her spine. And just a few butterflies in her stomach as she realized that for the first time in some time they were alone. She had been avoiding the situation ever since the  _Rust Bucket_  because that seemed to be the best way to deal with that whole scene. If she avoided him, she could pretend it never happened. Hell, just the thought of that incident was making her head swim right now. Well, maybe the incessant humming was responsible for that instead.

"Do you hear that humming?" Alenko asked her suddenly.

She glanced over to him, finding that he was standing with both hands against the rail as he looked out across the pond. "Huh, I thought it might just be in my head for a moment. I wonder where it's coming from."

"It almost feels like a biotic field. It makes my teeth tingle," he kept his intense gaze out over the water.

"Hmm," she pondered a bit as she let her mind focus on the humming she still heard. It was faint, but incessant still. The more she focused on it, the more it subtly began to resonate. Much like she was accustomed to with biotics, and other mass effect fields. "You're right. That's a bit odd. Maybe it's the station?"

Alenko stood back slightly looking to her. "No, it's the only time I've felt it, and we've been here a couple of times now. I'd almost say it's another biotic, but it's too steady and consistent for that, even if low key. Even an asari would wear themselves out at this rate."

"Maybe it's the monument?"

He shrugged slightly. "It could be. But why would it have that effect?"

"To drive idle biotics crazy?" She guessed with a half smile. "About the only thing I do know is that it's going to ruin my pitch if it keeps up."

"Pitch?" He looked at her with a bit of confusion.

"Uh, pitch, for music. When I play, that is..."  _Aw, crap._

"I didn't know you played. What instrument?"

"Piano."

"Well that explains something."

It was her turn to look confused. "What do you mean?"

"Your hands. They look stronger. Different." He absently rubbed the back of his neck, seemingly embarrassed. "I mean, they never appear to be idle. Uh, ma'am."

She blinked a bit, at a loss for anything to say in response to that. Was he watching her when she wasn't paying attention? Did she really care if he was? She felt a slight rush of heat touch her cheeks.

"I've- I've just been trying to find a moment to talk to you. When you weren't busy, that is."

Her mouth was suddenly dry. "What about?"

"Ma'am?"

"You said you were wanting to talk to me when I wasn't busy. I'm not busy now. What's on your mind, soldier?"

Alenko glanced about briefly. "I'm not sure here is the best place to discuss things. Off the record."

She followed his gaze at the people milling about. "It's about as private as any place, apart from the  _Normandy_."

He frowned a bit and looked around some more. "Come with me," he said heading off elsewhere. He led her to a spot that was several feet away from the monument, and it was more removed from the main strip. "Sorry, ma'am. Just thought it be best to get away from prying ears. And that hum."

Now he really had her curiosity piqued. "What exactly is on your mind?"

"Well, off the record, ma'am, I think something's wrong here," he started. "This Saren is looking for records on some kind of galactic extinction. But we can't get backup from the Council? Sorry, Commander. There's writing on the wall here, but someone isn't reading it."

 _Right, business. Silly girl._  She did her best to keep her voice neutral as she spoke, "The Council doesn't want to believe anything's wrong. I'd call it human nature, but…"

"I hear ya. I—It just seems like a group that's been around as long as the Council should see this coming. It's funny. We finally get out here, and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don't even seem impressed by the view." He paused a moment, looking at her with those intense whiskey eyes of his and then around at the rest of the Presidium. "Or the dangers."

She managed a slight smile in his direction. Even if he was all business right now, it didn't mean that away from prying ears she couldn't relax, right? "Well, well, you're a romantic. Did you sign up for 'the dream', Alenko? Secure man's future in space?"

There was another chuckle from, albeit a bit more nervous than the earlier one. It still gave her that same tingling sensation though. "Yeah, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid. Where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves. Or, you know. For justice." He seemed to quickly tack on that last part before continuing in a more solemn tone. "Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning. But I thought about it after Brain Camp—ah, sorry, 'Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training'. I'm not looking for 'the dream.' I just want to do some good. See what's out here. Sorry if I got too informal, ma'am. Protocol wasn't a big focus back in BAaT."

She raised one eyebrow. "What kind of program was it? Protocol tends to go hand in hand with most military training regiments."

"Uh, BAaT was something pre-service. It was privately funded and run."

"Tell me about-"

"There you are," Wrex's booming voice interrupted.

Alexis jerked her gaze over to the krogan who was lumbering towards them. She hadn't noticed that at some point she had locked eyes with the lieutenant and the rest of the Presidium had fallen into the background. She took a self conscious step away from the lieutenant. "Did you find who you were looking for, Wrex?"

The krogan grunted. "I need to pick up some items from the wards. Try to keep up this time."

* * *

 _God forsaken slow ass elevators_ … Alexis glared with annoyance at the control panel in the elevator, trying to will it to get them to the next level faster.  _It has absolutely nothing to do with you hoping that the krogan will get preoccupied in his own affairs again so you can continue the chat with a certain Lieutenant,_ a tiny voice in her mind said mockingly to her.

 _Except there's nothing wrong with getting to know one of my officers_ , she tried to tell herself. She could put aside her own attraction towards him if she had to, but what harm could come from knowing more about the person she was trusting to have her back? She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.  _I can be professional about this. I will be professional about this._

"So tell me, who'd win in a fight between you and Shepard?" Her eyes flew open as she heard the question Wrex suddenly posed to Alenko.

"Wh-what?" Alenko sounded a bit surprised by the question. "Commander Shepard is my superior officer. I can't imagine us ever having to fight."

"You can't?" Wrex asked with a grunt. "That's why Shepard's your superior officer. And why she'd win." There seemed to a hint of mirth in the alien's voice. Was he teasing Alenko, or just amused over the entire situation?

"Exactly why would I fight a subordinate, Wrex?" Alexis asked the krogan without turning around.

"To make sure he can hold his own in a fight, of course. It's the battlemaster's responsibility to make sure her warriors are ready for battle."

"Lt. Alenko has already shown more than once that he is capable of handling battle. Fighting would serve no additional purpose."  _Apart from getting to roll around on the ground with him_... she quickly squelched that thought, having no desire to add more fuel to her recently overactive libido.

"Humans have no desire to compete with one another?"

"We have the desire to compete, but we don't need to turn everything into some kind of competition. Especially not combat. That will get someone hurt, or worse."

Wrex sounded thoughtful. "Competition isn't the only reason to engage in battle."

 _What the hell is Wrex getting at?_  She finally turned around and looked at the krogan, crossing her arms under her breasts. "And why should I want to battle one of my officers? We're a team, Wrex."

"Wasn't talking about all your officers. Just Alenko."

"And why's that?" she demanded, her patience beginning to wear a tad thin.

Wrex's thick lips turned up in a grin that looked more like a snarl, "I'll let you figure that one out yourself."

Alexis glared at the krogan and felt a twitch of icy energy touch her fingers just before the elevator slowed to a stop. Wrex gave a low, rumbling chuckle. Shaking her head, Alexis did an about face and headed out the now open elevator. She wanted to get the damn krogan whatever it was he needed to pick up and get back to the ship at this point, so she made a beeline for the next bank of elevators.

"Hey, you're that Shepard kid!" a random guy called out suddenly.

 _Shepard_ kid _? What the hell..._ Alexis stopped in her tracks and glanced about trying to find the source. A dirty looking man standing away from the business lounge waved in her direction as she looked to him.  _Ok, I have no idea who this could even be_.

"Hey. Been a long time, huh?" he said as she approached.

"I'm sorry. Do we know each other?" She was still having problems trying to place who this was. And exactly when she might have known him. It had to be some time ago. She liked to think that people still didn't think of her as  _that Shepard kid_.

The guy shifted nervously in front her, and she caught a whiff of him, filth and booze. "I- I guess you don't remember me. Lieutenant Zabaleta? I worked with your mother." Alexis felt her stomach drop slightly. Was he another of the Captain's casualties? "We served on the carrier  _Einstein_. That was 12, 13 years back. You were just a kid then."

"I guess you're not in the service anymore?" she asked, trying to be impassive about it.

Zabaleta smirked slightly. "'Retired,' yeah. You know how it is. Times are tough for vets." He sighed softly. "They always are."

Alexis shifted her weight on to her heel, readying herself to keep on her way as soon as she could extricate herself from the conversation. "I really didn't see her much that tour. The ship was on patrol most of the time."

"Hey, call your mom up and ask! She'd remember old Zabaleta. She'd vouch for me..." His voice caught a sad, almost pathetic catch at the end. Whether it was a ploy or genuine though didn't matter, as Alexis found herself sticking around to see what this man had to say.  _Oh god fucking damn it all..._  "Listen... uh.. I need a favor," he continued. "I'm kind of short on money these days. I hate hitting you up for money, but a man's gotta eat, right? So, uh, could you spare something? Maybe 20 credits?"

"Twenty won't be enough to get you back on your feet, will it?" She ignored the tiny voice in her head that tried to tell her that he'd probably just drink the creds away. It wasn't her place to tell him what to do with his life.

"Nah, nah, I'll just get a... a meal. You know."

"Yeah, it's not a problem." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a cred stick. With a small motion, she made sure the right amount of money was appropriated out before handing it over to him. Regardless of any doubts, she wasn't about to walk away in case he might actually go get a decent meal with the money either.

Alexis barely heard the man's thanks as she turned and started towards the same elevator that she had just left. She couldn't believe what she was actually considering at the moment.  _God damn bleeding heart... why oh fucking why did this guy have to recognize her?_   _I'll just treat this like a band-aid. Rip it off as quickly as possible and get it over with._ She tapped her foot impatiently as she waited at the elevator.

"Uh, Commander?" Alenko asked from behind her. She glanced over to him with a raised eyebrow. "Is- uh, where are you heading?"

"I've got something I need to take care of," she said, sounding more curt than she probably intended. "Just make sure Wrex handles whatever the hell he's trying to do, and I'll meet everyone back at the ship."

The door to the elevator opened, and she stepped inside, She didn't wait for any kind of acknowledgement from Alenko, merely jamming the button to the elevator to send it rocketing back up to the Presidium. She certainly did not want anyone about when she made this call.

Her stomach flopped sickeningly as she made her way back to the  _Normandy_  alone. It was relatively short, despite the few elevator rides she had to take. It probably took her longer to check her weapons and change out of her armor than the actual trip. She had contemplated making the call fully outfitted, but since she had no desire to initiate a video feed, it was probably in the  _Normandy's_  best interest that she changed back to her BDUs.

Standing in the briefing room, Alexis crossed her arms under her breast, ignoring the sick feeling still plaguing her. "Computer, give me a real-time connection to the dreadnaught Kilimanjaro. I want to speak to their XO Captain Shepard."

There was a long pause before an older woman's voice sounded over the speakers. "Shepard spea-. Oh, hi." There was a note of surprise in the voice. "I- I don't have time for a personal call right now. I'm on duty."

Alexis felt another twitch of icy energy that she quickly suppressed. "This is far from a social call,  _Captain_."

"So it appears,  _Commander_. What is the purpose of this call?" The Captain's tone took a disappointed, yet officious tone as she spoke. It was the voice Alexis was intimately familiar with.

"Do you remember a Lieutenant Zabaleta from the  _Einstein_?"

"Ernesto? Have you heard from him?" The Captain's voice softened immediately as she spoke about  _Ernesto_. There was a mixture of pride, compassion, and even sadness as she spoke about what had happened to the former marine. That tiny voice in Alexis' head wondered if the Captain ever spoke of anyone apart from her crew in the same way, but it was quickly silenced as the Captain continued about the trauma Zabaleta went through. How rough he had it after being one of the first groundside at Mindoir. How hard it was for him to cope after that. The Captain even felt for a moment that she needed to explain to her daughter the horrors of what had happened on Mindoir.  _Because it's not like one of my best friends didn't barely manage to survive that horrific attack_ , Alexis thought bitterly, clenching her fists at her side. The sick feeling in her stomach had long since turned to the acidic taste of bile in her throat.

"If you see him, tell him I- we still worry about him," the Captain said, her voice almost choked with emotion. "Tell him to go to the Veteran's Affairs Office. I have to go. But... take care of yourself. You're making  _us_  proud." There was a soft pause, as if the Captain hoped for some kind of response. "Kilimanjaro out."

Alexis could feel her fists shaking at her sides, knuckles white with rage, as the call ended.  _You're making_ us _proud._ Us.  _How fucking dare she try to act like some compassionate human being. After everything. She had no god damn right._  Alexis bit back the scream of sheer frustration and stalked over to the door. No, the Captain had made her choices, her decisions. Alexis was going to leave her with the consequences.  _I need to fucking shoot something._


	23. Old Friends

Meghan stood in the elevator, ignoring the rapidly passing, glowing blue lights as the car traveled to C-Sec Academy. She cracked the knuckles of each hand with her thumbs, glaring at the doors, willing the elevator to move faster. _Alexis had better toss that son of a bitch out on his ear. He won’t have a single good thing to say about our ship, the rat bastard._

“Shepard? You all right?” Williams asked from where she stood behind her commander in the elevator. 

Meghan growled under her breath, the rush of epithets running through her mind when she thought of Mikhailovich and what he’d said at her fitness hearings rendered her inarticulate for a moment. “I need a drink. A large one. Preferably strong enough to kick my ass and come back for round two.” She looked over her shoulder at Garrus, “Where’s a good place?”

He shrugged, “If they repaired it from our shoot out, earlier, Chora’s Den doesn’t water its drinks down too much. Flux is a casino, but they usually get cheap on the alcohol.”

Meghan grinned, “Chora’s Den it is.” They left the elevator and transferred to the public rail system. They filed in and the other passengers gave them a wide berth. Whether it was all their weapons, or the N7 stripe on her armor, Shepard didn’t know, but it amused her in her dark mood.

Ashley cleared her throat from where she stood behind Shepard, “Should we be drinking on duty, ma’am?”

 _Mikhailovich, dress blues impeccable, accusing her of running away on Akuze, the man’s face red as he pounded on the table with his fist to emphasize his hatred for her not dying with her unit as she stood at attention and stared straight ahead, her mind a fuzz of white noise as she tried to ignore his accusations. Accusations she still heard ringing in her ears because part of her agreed._ She clenched her fists and turned to face forward, “Frankly, Williams, right now, I don’t think you want me dealing with people till I get to shoot someone or get a drink.”

The tram finally stopped and Garrus directed them through the Wards toward Chora’s Den. At least he was trying to until an overly loud and eager voice cried, “Shepard!” Meghan rolled her eyes and changed course to deal with Emily Wong. She at least seemed to be a competent reporter who attempted to remain impartial. Her clothing left nothing to the imagination. Meghan let herself wonder where she could get a dress like that. _But who would you wear it for?_

“Word on the street is that you’ve been busy,” the shorter woman said without preamble. “Congratulations on taking down Fist. I was sure he was a big player in anything going on here. Did you find anything in his office that could help me?”

Sighing, Meghan reached into one of her utility pockets for the data they’d gotten from the late crime lord’s office. “These OSDs might have the information you’re looking for.”

The reporter’s eyes widened as she took the OSDs as if they were eezo plated. “You’ve got Fist’s files? This could be even bigger than I’d hoped! Here, Commander. For your trouble.” Meghan’s eyes widened as she looked at her ‘tool to see the amount of credits that had suddenly been wired into her account.

She wasn’t proud of the greed that took over, but... they did have an entire team to outfit. “What would our future cooperation be worth? Say, an interview when our investigation is over? I’m speaking for all three of us, mind you.”

If it were possible, Wong’s eyes got wider, “Exclusive? The three of you talk to me before you talk to anyone else? That would be worth quite a bit, and I’d be happy to compensate you accordingly. Here you are! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d better go see what’s on these disks.” Meghan grinned at the amount now showing in her account. A working relationship with Ms. Wong might prove to be very useful and profitable.

Williams laughed, “I can’t believe you shook her down, Commander.”

Meghan snorted and put away her ‘tool. “That was nothing. She was easy. C’mon. I still need that drink.” She turned and headed back in the direction they’d been traveling when the reporter had hailed her.

~*~

The worst thing about trying to arrest her old gang members was the explosions. She ducked her head as another canister erupted near them from a stray shot by the Reds. Her ears rang and she shook her head to clear it. _At least their aim hasn’t improved._ All she’d wanted was a drink to wash away Mikailovich’s stench. Instead, one of her old gang members, one who was responsible for an old scar on her arm at that, caught her heading for Chora’s Den. It had gone downhill from there. 

With Garrus backing her up, she’d convinced the turian guard that letting Weissman go would lead them to bigger and better fish to fry. It had been hastily arranged, and utterly annoying, but they managed to set up a successful sting working with Vakarian’s contacts in C-Sec, someone named Chellick, to bring her old gang in to arrest. The Reds hadn’t just wanted Weissman released to cover their tracks. They were just in time to intercept a poorly planned but flashy bombing of a restaurant in the Palaven district in Zakera Ward. “What’s your twenty, Shepard?” Chellick’s voice over the comm buzzed in Meghan’s ear.

“Hell if I know, Chellick! Vakarian! Where the hell are we?” From where he was crouched, she could see the turian’s cheekplates flare in annoyance. A human would have rolled his eyes.

“Zakera Ward 28, Shepard. Behind that restaurant that sells ramen!” _You’ve got to be kidding._ Meghan did roll her eyes as she relayed their location. Another crate exploded and she fired her pistol over the crate she was hiding behind. 

Ending the transmission to Chellick, she shouted, “You have got to be kidding me!”

He dropped back into cover and glanced over at her, “What? I thought it was a Earth delicacy?” Shepard grinned.

Ashley laughed from where she stood behind a support pillar, “‘There’s one born every minute,’ doesn’t just apply to humans.”

The commander shook her head in amusement and ducked around to make a quick head count of the Reds still standing. Four that she could see. One over on the far left, wouldn’t be able to act if she launched herself across the distance and took out the cluster of three directly ahead. She called up her HUD to double check her count. When it agreed with her, she yelled, “Cover me!” and after getting a nod of assent and indeterminate curse from Garrus, she flung herself out of cover toward the Reds. 

All three were stupid enough to jump out of cover to meet her. She hit one with her strongest Warp field and between that and Ashley’s and Garrus’ well aimed bullets, he went down. Proving they weren’t experienced professionals, the others watched him fall rather than focusing on her. _Note to self: if I ever start a merc band or gang, train my personnel not to be dumbasses._ She took advantage of their distraction and punched the nearest one in the back of the head. “Teach you not to wear a helmet, Finch, you jackass.” Then spun and shot the other at point blank with her shotgun. He fell backward and lay on the ground clutching his stomach. She spun to deal with Finch, but halfway through her turn, she froze, the barrel of the fourth merc’s shotgun pointed directly at her face. A rifle report cracked and echoed in the narrow hall and the merc toppled over bonelessly as a single well placed shot blossomed in his forehead. Meghan spared a second to glance back at her team and caught both of them grinning at her, at least, she thought Garrus was grinning, she kicked Finch’s weapons out of his reach then used the same foot to roll him over onto his back.

He glared up at her. “I knew you’d rat us out, Shepard! Now it’s payback time! When we’re through telling our story, the aliens will all know what kind of person you really are! All your alien ass-kissing will be for nothing!” His voice seethed with hatred.

Meghan scowled down the end of her shotgun at him, “What is that going to prove? I left that life behind a long time ago. I left your trecherous ass behind a long time ago.”

Finch snarled but didn’t move, “You never leave the life! And you don’t get to leave me! _You_ set us up, so we’ll drag your name through the dirt! Your alien friends will revoke your Spectre candidacy! You’ll be nothing!”

Meghan snorted and glanced at Garrus who’d circled around behind her, his pistol trained on the Red, “You think I care what the aliens think of me, Finch? They need me, you asshole. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what stories you tell. And I’ll stop you each and every time.” She dropped her voice lower and was rewarded by the flare of fear in his eyes. “You thought I wouldn’t recognize you, didn’t you, you son of a bitch? I don’t forget people who fuck me over!”

“So that’s what this is, revenge?” Finch swallowed and followed with his eyes when Meghan lowered the shotgun to his stomach.

“Like you said, I’m a soldier now. I’m not in the business of revenge. Your ass is going to jail, Finch. Hopefully, a turian one.” She heard Garrus huff out a laugh behind her. “But not because you literally stabbed me in the back and tried to remove my hand from my body. But because you tried to blow up a restaurant with children and families and complete innocents!”

“They’re aliens! Why the fuck do you care?” He glanced at Garrus and a sly grin stole over his ugly face, “You fucking them now? This one’s your pet, ain’t it?” Meghan clenched her teeth over the desire to pound the criminal’s face in. She was a Spectre, she could get away with it. 

Her voice so low and quiet and dangerous, Ashley glanced at her in alarm, Meghan replied, “Go ahead, Finch, tell the galaxy. Tell them I hate aliens. Hell, tell them I’m fucking everyone on two legs. Tell them whatever you want. Anything to get trash like you out of my life.” She still couldn’t wrap her mind around how the two-bit gang she ran with in Houston had managed to become some sort of galactic terrorist group, big enough to target the Citadel. 

She’d been so focused on the gang member, she hadn’t noticed the cavalry’s belated arrival. The turian guard she’d originally arranged this sting with approached on her other side. “The commander overcame a troubled youth to lead a proud military career. The turians would not care about such things. And I doubt your lies would fool the salarians or the asari.”

A human C-Sec officer hauled Finch to his feet, wrestling his hands behind his back. “Fine, Shepard, you bitch.” He spat at her. Meghan flinched as it hit her on the cheek. She wiped it off with her gloved hand and didn’t let her disgust show on her face as she flung it to the ground. The gang member’s features were still twisted in hatred at her. “You’re not one of the Reds! You never were!” He struggled as he was handed off to other C-Sec officers. 

The original guard turned back to her, “That man is a xenophobe who thinks he can blackmail a future Spectre. You should have killed him.” 

Meghan glared at him. “I don’t need target practice. Don’t you have a prisoner to guard?”

The turian’s cheek plates flared at her and his eyebrow ridges went up, “Good bye, human. It’ll be interesting to see what kind of Spectre you turn out to be.”

Meghan holstered her weapon and looked around. Chellick was examining bodies and looking for survivors their onslaught may have left. Garrus was looking at her thoughtfully. As was Ashley. “What?” 

“I honestly thought you’d shoot him at the end, there, Shep.” Ashley told her. 

“Waste of ammo. C’mon. We should go with to make sure Finch doesn’t get away. Wouldn’t put it past the Reds to stage a another jail break.” She scowled and stalked off in the general direction the guard had hauled Finch off to. She needed a bathroom to wash her face. The scalding shower to wash the stink of her old life off would have to wait.

~*~

Meghan Shepard led her team away from C-Sec after helping them drop off the surviving Reds. Finch had tried to spit on her again, twice, until Ashley drew her gun on him and one of the turian guards cuffed the back of his head with an armored fist. Staring at the man who’d once betrayed her and nearly cost her her life, she decided she didn’t really need that drink any more. Bringing this asshole down was cathartic enough. It was time to woman up and tell the admiral about his men.

“No, I’m waiting to speak to one of the Councilor’s assistants!” The admiral snarled into the terminal Shepard had left him standing at days before. His eyes were hollow with worry. And he appeared to have forgotten to shave this morning. He spun to confront Meghan and her team, his face registering relief until he saw Shepard’s expression. “Commander. Any word on my missing men?”

Meghan looked away, her stomach twisting. “I’m... I’m not sure how to tell you this, Admiral.” She looked back at the older man, squaring his shoulders as if to brace for an impact. _Screams, Hicks’ eyes wide in his dark-skinned face. His big hand grabbing her armor and pulling her in close, “Whatever happens, get the fuck out of here, Shepard!” Quick, rough kiss, blood and salt mingling on her lips. Startled stare at him as he went back into Gunnery Sergeant mode and rounded up a few stragglers, and gave her a pointed look, waiting for an order. “MARINES! WE ARE LEAVING!” she shouted as her eyes met his melting brown ones and they did their best to get their people home._ Her throat felt raw as if she’d just screamed that order again. She felt rather than saw Ashley’s and the cops’ concerned glances as she said, roughly, “Your men were killed by a... by a thresher maw.”

He blinked in a way that, if he’d been civilian and less controlled, indicated the strongest reaction he could give. His hands rubbed together, anxiously. “A . . . a thresher maw? That’s not...,” He must have caught Meghan’s jaw suddenly tightening. “My men wouldn’t just stumble into a thresher maw nest! Not the entire unit!” Meghan couldn’t help the eyebrow that rose at his statement. 

But she quickly forced her face blank. “Somebody lured them there with an Alliance distress beacon. Placed it perfectly so they’d land right beside the thresher nest.” _The stench of acid, burning flesh, the pain in her back, Hicks’ eyes, wide in the dark as he screamed at her to go, go, go!_

The Rear Admiral punch his fist into his hand, “Dammit! I had a bad feeling about this ever since my team disappeared! An Alliance beacon used as bait, my unit wiped out, and nobody seems to know anything about it!” _Gee, that sounds familiar._ “Commander, I appreciate what you did. How difficult it must have been to get this information for me. Now, I need to do my part. The families of those Marines deserve to know why they died!”

Shepard swallowed, but her face was still carefully professionally blank, “Anything you need from me, sir? I’ll be happy to help in anyway I can.”

The rear admiral’s face softened, seeming to see the woman she’d been those years ago, right after Akuze, the wreck she’d been. “Thank you, Shepard. I know you mean it. But not right now. I’ll let you know as soon as I find something out.” He turned to leave and paused. His wizened face thoughtful, he looked back at her, “Did you kill it?”

“Personally. Sir.”

“Good for you, Commander.”


	24. Remember

"Commander Shepard?" Ella Shepard scowled slightly to herself as the unfamiliar voice pinged her comm. Gesturing at Joker and Chakwas to go ahead without her, she turned away from the taxi-stand and reached up to her unit to accept the transmission.

"Yes?"

"My name is Lieutenant Girard. I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm at docking bay 19 and, uh… could use your help." The officer's thick accent was oddly comforting, bringing back memories of conversations with her French grandparents when she was young.

"Yes? What is it, Lieutenant?" Shepard heard her own accent slip slightly back into her words, for all she hadn't had a proper conversation in anything besides Standard for practically 14 years.

"There's a woman here, uh … she was rescued from batarian slavers a few weeks ago. She's from Mindoir."  _What? No, not… but that…_ The Lieutenant's soft voice continued, as Shepard stiffened slowly in dread. "I guess she was taken. In the raid on your town."

_In the raid that killed my family. All gone. Still. Forever. Even after thirteen years…_ "She's been a slave for 13 years? Is she… she's not alright, is she?"  _And that's a stupid question if ever I thought of one._

"No, ma'am."

"Right, just a …" Shepard took a slow breath, muting the connection and turning awkwardly to face her companions. "I, I think I need to take this."

"It's all right, Commander," Doctor Chakwas spoke softly, one hand reaching out to lightly touch Shepard's shoulder, the other hand resting on the roof of the hover-car. "That sounds more important than keeping us company on our way to Medical."

"Good luck, Shepard," Joker called out from the back of the cab.

She watched the car drive away, staring blankly for a few moments before managing to turn her comm. back on again. "Sorry. On my way, Lieutenant. Where am I going again?"

"Dock 19." The relief in Girard's voice was clear. "She broke away from us. Grabbed a gun, barricaded herself here in the bay. She uh, she says she wants to die."

_Cold nights, rough sheets, praying to fall asleep and never wake up, stay in the dreams where they were still alive, back home, safe, warm… before the dreams changed to nightmares, blood, fire, shouting… too many eyes staring, laughing, hurting._

"I hoped you'd talk to her," Girard explained as Shepard worked her way back to the elevators, trying very hard to focus on him rather than lose herself in her own bad memories. "It's a long shot but you went through the same thing, the Raid. I figured maybe you could help her out of her tree."

"I'm not trained for that."  _Don't get your hopes up. Please._ "But I'll do what I can."  _Can't leave her alone, in the cold._

"Anything would be… I don't want to… she's been through enough. I'll have my men stand by for you."

The elevator door finally opened to a C-Sec barricade. The officer at the yellow tape almost waved her away, but then his mandibles flared as he got a message, or perhaps recognized the Raid Survivor from the Butcher news-vids. Either way, he nodded slightly and waved her through.

"Commander!" Shepard turned toward the accented shout, finding a serious looking man, dusky skin, dark hair, spine straight and eyes shadowed with worry.  _There's a good man in charge. I hope I can help him help her… Please God, let us resolve things in some way we can both live with._

"Lieutenant. Where is she?"

"Behind those shipping containers." Girard gestured up the ramp. "I've got a sniper positioned, but I don't think we'll need him. She's only a danger to herself. We've got a sedative to calm her down, but we can't get close to her. Every step we take gets her more wound up."

"I'll do my best. Thank you, Lieutenant."

"Thank you, Commander.

"Don't push her too hard," he added as she took the sedative, and started to turn towards the poor woman's hidey-hole. "If she seems liable to pull the trigger back off, or walk away. I'm willing to wait her out." His tense shoulders relaxed slightly when Shepard nodded in agreement. "Good luck."

_Damn, but I'm going to need it._

Before she'd gotten completely around the crates, a wild-eyed young woman popped up, waving a pistol through the air, her voice high-pitched and desperate.

"S – stop! What do you – What are you?"

"First, don't point that at me." Shepard felt like some sort of demon whipping out her command voice on the poor girl, but if she didn't get that damn gun down, some sniper was going to overreact and indulge an itchy trigger finger. "Second, I'm Ella Shepard, Lt. Commander, Systems Alliance. Who are you?"

"Animals don't get names."

_"It will stop fighting and surrender, or it will get hurt."_

_"Fuck that," Mama swore, shoving Robert and me behind her before lunging towards the alien, blocking him with her body to prevent him from aiming as my brother dragged me into the house, as the sound of Papa's rifle taking out the monsters across the lawn filled my ears._

"I don't want to hear what those bastards called you." Shepard snapped, interrupting the girl's horrific retelling of the pain of branding. "Your parents. What did they call you? Do you remember them?"

"She remembers a lot of things." The voice was still distant and detached, but she answered. "T – Talitha. They call her that. She doesn't remember the rest." The moment of silence after her admission seemed to scare her again, as she took a step back, fingers tightening around the handle of the gun. "Leave her alone!"

_"Leave me alone!" I'd snarled at Mrs. Matthews, backing into my room at the House, fists clenched as I'd tried to figure out the best way to take the bitch down. But Matthews was tall, strong, hard as stone. Eyes were cold as stone too, steady and unblinking as she glared me into sullen silence._

_"I can't leave you alone, child. It's my job to keep you clean, keep you in school, and get you out of the system in one piece. I'll see you at breakfast." Every attempt at rebellion was met with the same icy glare, and when necessary, the same door slamming shut, keeping me in. How I'd hated her. It was only years later I'd realized the shine in her eyes was from tears, not anger, the tension from her desperation as she'd tried to save us, keep her wards away from the Sand, the violence, the gangs. At the time I'd just thought her a first class bastard, someone who delighted in locking us away in our little rooms, stopping us from doing what we wanted, what we needed to get by._

_At least she'd given me a room with a skylight after that first night, that panic attack, the night I'd broken half the bones in my left hand trying to break the door, or the wall, or the window._

"I can't leave you alone, child," Ella echoed the woman who'd taken care of her after the Raid. "I'm from Mindoir too. My parents died in the raid."

"LIAR!" Talitha wailed. "Lying, you get hit for lying," her voice dropped back down to an eerie whisper almost immediately, "get the buzz or the burning, the lights or the hoses, the pain or the melting, the going to pieces or the wires. Can't be here. Can't. Why are you here? Why are you alive? Why are you? Why aren't you like her? Broken. Only fit to dig and carry."

_Oh, I'm broken too, little one. I just kill them for a living, over and over, for as long as they let me._

"I fought."  _Mama fought. Papa fought. Robert fought. They died._  "My whole family fought, and got hit by an artillery strike for their trouble. I got buried under the rubble." _Under Robert. He kept me safe, kept the bricks off me even as his blood fell, his hearbeat slowed, his body cooled. Empty eyes, staring at me in the dark, until they found me._

Ella closed her eyes for a moment, trying not to scream, not to cry, afraid she'd scare Talitha even more if she couldn't keep it under control. "If they saw me, they left me for dead."

"Dead animals can't work." Talitha was staring at her, the gun loose by her side.

_Sometimes it's good to be dead_. Shepard was pretty sure they'd both had the same thought _._

"You lose your mommy and daddy." Talitha's head tilted slightly as she spoke, a hint of a connection growing in her eyes. "But you don't dig. You don't carry. You stand up.

"She wishes she could stand up."

Shepard shifted forward slightly, trying to reach out, to comfort her, stopping after barely a pace as Talitha stiffened again.

"Shh," Ella whispered before the girl could start waving the gun around again. "What's the last thing you remember? About home? About Mindoir?" She kept her gaze on Talitha's face, hoping she'd catch her eyes, find that spark of humanity, help her to be herself again, remember something good, something from Before.

_Cool breeze, warm sun. Lying on my back in the middle of the fields, hiding among the tall stalks of hybrids, grains developed from old-Earth wheat and corn, adapted for Mindoir's acidic soil. Everything on Mindoir smelled spicy, hot and savory on the wind. Cinnamon and tarragon, cardamom and pepper, floating away from the plants, filling the fields, all because of a quirk of the dirt._

_Windy days tended to make everyone hungry. Robert and I had snitched some cookies, and were munching as we compared shapes in the clouds, hoping Mama wouldn't find us, put us to work. Always more work on a farm._

_They'd cancelled school for the day, the teachers needed at the comm. station to help fix the broken tower. Just in case. Not that anything ever happened on Mindoir, but it was theoretically possible, and being out of touch with the rest of the planet made adults nervous. And hey, who wanted to argue with a day off?_

"Fires."  _Fuck. So much for Happy Memories._  "Smells of smoke and burning meat. Animals screaming as the masters cage them. As they put metal to their backs, the wires in their brains."

_Smoke. Burning fields. The little air coming under the rubble heavy with the smell of scorched greens, blood, pain. Screams, faint and desperate from the neighbor's houses. Tears flowing down my cheeks, throat sore as I held the sobs in. Mustn't let them hear me. Mustn't let them find me. Mustn't let Robert have died for nothing._

"She pretends to be dead. If she's dead, she can't work. But they know. She hopes they'll leave. But they put her in the pen." Talitha's blank stare bored into Ella's eyes, her voice soft and sweet despite the awful things she was saying. "She didn't fight. She was already broken when they put the wires in."

"I was fifteen, Talitha," Ella whispered, stepping carefully forward, moving as slowly as possible. "I couldn't fight them either. You were what? Six years old? They were bigger than you. There were more of them. They would have killed you."

"She wants to believe that." Talitha blinked slowly, but stayed quiet, the gun apparently forgotten. She hadn't even tried to back away this time. "She wants to believe nothing would change. She doesn't want to be there anymore. In the pen. In the cages. Lying quiet while they do things to her."

"You're not there, anymore, Talitha." Ella reminded her gently, moving another step closer. "You escaped."

"She can't escape! They have chains, wires, needles. You go too far, they take your brains away. Animals like her come." Talitha glared at Ella, scowling and sniffling. "Animals with guns. They make the masters explode. She tries to fix the masters. So they won't be mad at her. She puts all the reds and purples back in, but they don't move. The other animals take her."

_After so long, we're just more captors, aren't we, even though we're trying to help you? You don't know that, you can't tell._

"The marines who rescued you, they were the first humans you'd seen in thirteen years."

"If the animals can see her, then this is real. But it can't be. The wires. The chains. The hitting. This doesn't happen to her. It's another girl. A dirty girl. A stupid girl. She deserves it!"

"No. No one deserves it. No one. Certainly not a six year old child. Not your fault Talitha, I promise."

"It – it happens to her. Doesn't it?"

"Yes," Ella mouthed silently as the young woman sighed.

"They see her, so it's real. She doesn't want it to be real."

"No one wants it to be real. I'm sorry." Ella took another step forward, finally next to Talitha's slim form, the young girl worn out, staring at her out of wide-open eyes. She didn't struggle as Ella gently slid the pistol out of her hand and set it on top of a crate, out of reach. "This will make you sleep," Ella explained as she turned her hand over, showing the tranq resting on her palm. "If you fall asleep, they'll take you to a place where you can get better."

"Will she have bad dreams?"

"I don't know, Talitha. I can't promise you won't. But I promise we'll do our best to take care of you. To keep you safe, and warm."

"She'd like that. It hurts when she – when I remember me. But she wants to remember."

Talitha stood still, letting Ella give her the shot, then wrap her in a gentle embrace. The drug was fast acting, and it was only a few moments later that Ella felt the girl's knees give out, and she stood there cradling the unconscious woman in her arms. With a soft grunt, she picked Talitha up, and carried her back towards Lieutenant Girard, ignoring the hot feel of tears gathering in her eyes, sniffing back the burn in the back of her throat.

"She took the sedative." Shepard stated the obvious as she reached the small group of C-Sec officers. "She wants to get better. Where to now, Lieutenant?"

"I can… " Girard started, but Shepard cut him off.

"I don't want her to wake up being carried by a stranger. I've got her. She's not heavy."  _Barely skin and bones, and even they feel light, hollow, like a bird. Poor child is barely here at all._

"Thank you, Commander. That means a lot. I didn't want to hurt her. It's just, when I see her, shivering… " Shepard could hear him swallow even from several paces away. "She was only six when they took her. Why the hell are we out here if we can't even keep one little girl safe?"

"To make the people who do these things pay," Shepard's voice was low and cold, her jaw tight as she forced the words out.

"So we clean up the wreckage, shoot the guilty, and hope everyone learns not to mess with us?" Girard scowled, his gestures tight and angry as he waved his men off to disperse the crowd and break down the barricades. "Great."

"What do you want me to say, Lieutenant?" Shepard swallowed hard herself, barely remembering to keep her voice down to avoid giving the wandering officers and civilians and probable reporters hiding out there somewhere a show. "I can't take back what happened to her, to me, to our families. All I can do is try and stop anyone from doing it again."

"I know." Girard sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "And I'm sorry, it's just. It isn't good enough."

"Nothing's good enough," Shepard agreed.

Lieutenant Girard offered one small, sad smile, and led her towards a C-Sec hover-car. "We're taking her to Alliance Medical, actually. They've got the only human psych-ward on the Citadel."

Shepard shrugged to hide her shudder.  _God, I hate psych-wards. Everyone in them looks like they're dying from the inside out._ A memory of Meg, her hair a mess, so thin she looked bruised, hiding in the corner and avoiding even her best friends, was quickly shoved back into a shadow in the back of her brain.  _Not dealing with that right now._  "Lead the way, Lieutenant."

 

* * *

Shepard had carried Talitha all the way to her new bed, in her new room, signed every datapad Girard had shoved in front of her, and finally, finally, escaped to find her way to some sort of empty visitor's lounge, collapse into a chair, and bury her head in her hands. She couldn't decide if she wanted to cry, scream, laugh hysterically until she felt better, or head back to the psych-ward and check herself into the room next to Talitha.

_Dearest, sweetest, wonderfullest Mama. Thank you for fighting. Thank you for saving me from the monsters. From not having a choice about being in the room next to Talitha, and having that be the best of a lot of bad options. There but for the Grace of God… and Amelie and Michael and Robert Shepard. Love you guys. Miss you. Always._

"Commander! You made it!" Shepard lifted her head and blinked blankly at the blonde young man leaning on a walker in the doorway before her brain caught up to her eyes and ears.

"Private Fredricks?"

"Nice to see you, ma'am." The walker slid a step into the room, Fredricks following slowly. "Doc came by, said you'd been planning on visiting, but got side-tracked helping somebody out. Figured that'd be the end of that."

"Um." Shepard could practically feel her brain shift as she shoved her thoughts back in order. "Got dropped off here. Hadn't quite figured out where I was going next. It's uh, good to see you though. And walking, no less. Congratulations"

Fredricks ducked his head shyly, still shifting into the room at his slow but steady pace. "I'm barely hobbling at a snail's pace, but thanks. It's a definite improvement."

Smiling hurt, but it was nice to hear some good news. "So, how did you end up at this particular lounge, anyways? Aren't you and the other broke-dicks stuck in the West Wing?"

"Ha, ha, Commander. And yes, but Doctor Chakwas said she'd take me and Joker out for some real food, and this is the Central Lounge. Easiest for everyone to meet at. Should be here in, oh, five minutes or so? Gonna join us?"

"Uh, don't think so."  _Food would be bad. Alcohol might be good? No, wait wouldn't know when to stop. Sleep might be nice. Probably won't happen though._

"You ok, ma'am?" Fredricks had finally reached a chair, and was slowly lowering himself to a seat, a worried frown creasing his forehead as he glanced over at her.

"No, not really," Shepard sighed, "but I will be, promise. Just not having a good day."

"Private Fredricks?" A male voice came echoing down the hallway, and Shepard felt the crease between her eyebrows deepen again at the oddly familiar sound. 

_And what is it with me and accents today? Those Italian 'r'-s sound positively luscious... like dark chocolate and caramel._

_Wait._

_Aw, hell no. Even Murphy doesn't hate me that much, does he?_  

"You forgot to sign your..."

The familiar voice trailed off as a dark head peered around the door frame and caught sight of her. "What the hell!" The tall, stocky man in blue scrubs stormed all the way into the room, not stopping until he was right in front of Shepard's chair, glaring down at her slumped form. "Get the fuck out of my hospital, Shepard."

_I am too tired to deal with this bullshit._  "Not your hospital, Caprone. But since you asked so nicely..." She stood up slowly, rather viciously pleased when the angry man took a hasty step back to get away from her, though his expression didn't change, the dark-brown eyes never faltering in their fixed stare.

"Hey!" Fredricks was obviously struggling to stand up as well, inspiring both Shepard and Caprone to turn in his direction.

"Don't worry, Fredricks," Shepard started, trying to wave him back into his seat, as Caprone shoved past her to attend to the wounded soldier, almost physically shoving him back down into his chair.

"Don't you dare hurt yourself worrying about her, Private." The angry snarl disappeared from his voice as soon as he was talking to his patient, the warm dark tones of his accent coming to the surface again.

"Then don't talk to the Commander like that!" Fredricks turned his wide-eyed stare on the physician's assistant by his side. "She saved my life!"

"Oh really?" Caprone's hot gaze flashed back over his shoulder. "And whose fault was it your life was in danger in the first place?"

"The private is a damn fine marine, Caprone," Shepard snapped, "don't you dare imply his bravery is somehow my failing rather than his strength."

"Strength?" Caprone stood up to face her directly again, too angry to keep his attention on the young soldier. "Your version of  _strength_  is throwing your own people at a problem until everyone's dead. Except for you, of course."

"I have never asked anything of my people I wasn't willing to do myself, and you damn well used to know that."  _Never wanted anyone to die for me._

"Really? Tell that to Chief Li."

_Gray tombstones, white lillies, a sea of dress blues hiding green grass._

Heat shimmered down Shepard's spine, blue flickering across the edges of her vision as she tried to keep a lid on her temper. "You never used to be such a vicious bastard back when you wore the blues, Caprone."

"That was before I found out my," Caprone paused slightly, a scowl twisting his face as he failed to find a word for their almost relationship, "before I found out that you were a raging sociopath, and that the brass seemed to think that was a good trait in an officer."

"If she's really all unstable and violent, are you sure you should be going out of your way to piss her off?" Shepard closed her eyes as a new voice interrupted them.  _And when the hell did he get here? Why oh why is my entire life on public display today?_  "'Cause if so, you seem a little lacking in self-preservation instincts. Bad trait in doctor types, that."

"Who the fuck?" Caprone's voice cut-off, suddenly, before continuing in a slightly more subdued tone. "Doctor Chakwas. I wasn't expecting... ma'am."

"Antonio Caprone, may I introduce Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau?" The doctor's voice was as clear and collected as always, as if she hadn't just interrupted a public yelling match. "Caprone is usually one of the better PA's on staff here, being a retired officer himself."

"Yeah, chucking your bars at a JAG officer is usually considered retiring," Shepard muttered softly, clenching her hands as she tried to ignore the adrenaline attempting to convince her to just go ahead and punch someone already.  _Do not prove him right. Bastard._

Shepard was pretty sure she saw Caprone's nostrils flare in reaction, but he ignored her and turned back to Fredricks, picking up a datapad he'd put in the adjacent empty chair at some point. "You need to sign the waiver if you're going off-premises, Private." An uneasy silence held while Fredricks scrawled the stylus across the screen, then Caprone nodded briefly at Chakwas, ignoring everyone else as he walked away.

"Should've punched him. Ma'am." Fredricks scowled at the now empty doorway.

"Or  _thrown_  him," Joker suggested with a snort from where he was leaning against the wall. "Always wanted to see biotics in action outside a training room."

Chakwas shook her head slowly, clicking her tongue, but before she could suggest a less violent reaction, Shepard spoke up. "Don't be too hard on him. He had to catalogue the injuries and fatalities for the Torfan AAR. Never really agreed on Alliance methods after that. Theoretical colonists,"  _Talitha's shaven head and empty eyes, brands and scars visible around the edges of her shirt_ , "can't compete with that list."  _Some of us just don't have the luxury of theory._

"Are you joining us for dinner, Commander?" Somehow, Chakwas managed to make the change of subject compassionate rather than abrupt.  _How does she do that? Can I learn to do that too, when I grow up?_

"No, but thank you." Shepard sighed. "I think I'm going to run back to the  _Normandy_  and hide before someone manages to bring up my past and beat me over the head with it for the third time today."

"Third?" Joker's grinned unrepentantly when she glared at him. "Hey, can't blame me for trying, after you disappeared all mysterious-like earlier. Well, you could blame me, but you won't. 'Cause you, unlike the Italian-asshole, have a sense of humor. Want us to bring you back a doggie bag?"

"They have a lovely dessert tray." Chakwas suggested.

"Alright, I give up. Bring me back something obscenely chocolately."

 

* * *

_A/N:_  
PA: Physician's Assistant  
AAR: after-action-report


	25. Interlude:  Letters Home -- Ashley

Dear Mom,

It’s been such a crazy few weeks since being assigned to the Normandy. I miss my unit. _The fallen lance, that lies as hurled, that lies unlifted now._ All of them gone, except for me. Eden Prime was... the news doesn’t do it justice Mom. Not that I could either, even if it wasn’t classified. 

I got a message from Samesh. You remember me telling you about Nirali? Private Bhatia, who wanted to open a restaurant? He’s her husband. It seems the Alliance won’t release her body. I don’t know what he expects me to do about it, but I wish I could help. I was thinking about asking my CO, as the Commanders all have some pull, but I don’t know if it would be appropriate.

Certainly won’t ask the acting-Captain. I thought I’d be serving with Captain Anderson. I think Dad used to talk about how outstanding he was, if you remember? He’s the reason I got on this boat, I’m sure. Only he had to step down. Politics, my ass. And they put the Hero of Elysium in command instead. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed, PR darling with her own Star of Terra. The command crew, the Flight Commander and the Marine Commander, both seem to like her, been friends forever, ever since they enlisted apparently, but I do not see the appeal. And of course that means I’m on her damn ground team.

She does know how to fight though, have to respect that. And lets me out of the cargo hold, which is better than most of my planet-side postings. _All are needed by each one, Nothing is fair or good alone._ Our teams do actually seem to work pretty well together.

And what teams! Aliens. Seriously. I don’t even know what to think about that, a turian and a krogan and a quarian and an asari all wandering around a top-secret Alliance vessel. It’s like the set-up for a bad joke. One that I’m not allowed to laugh at.

I tried to bring it up with the LT, but he shot me down. In the nicest, most polite of all possible ways, of course. He has totally bought into the Hero’s hype. Ah, that was bitchy, sorry Mom. For all I don’t think she likes me much, she’s never held my last name against me, so I really should try and give her another shot. But she’s just so... cool all the time. LT likes her though. Or maybe he just likes her ass. Hard to tell. I was starting to think it was mutual, but they haven’t been having morning coffee together ever since we left the Citadel. 

Then again, all three of the commanders have been scary since the last Citadel visit. They usually spar together every morning, and they’ve been avoiding spending any alone time, with, well, anyone. Like they’re not sure what they’d do without witnesses around. Except my CO, she seems to only want to be alone. I mean, I know she got sideswiped by some old gang problem that jumped up and bit her on the ass when we were just out looking for a drink. (Don’t ask.) I guess something similar happened to the other two?

Hard to tell with the Flight Commander, though. Every once in a while she glares at someone, and I’m pretty sure they’re about to melt from sheer terror, and then Joker, the pilot, will say something completely inappropriate (cause the man never knows when to shut up) and she bursts out laughing. The Butcher of Torfan. Laughing. And the krogan seems to like her. Not sure what that says about either her or the krogan, to be honest. Or me, that I think I agree with him. We work together a lot actually, him on the armor and me on the weapons, and he seems really mellow, compared to all the horror stories. Still big and scary though. He’s the only one who hasn’t been walking on eggshells lately. He seems to think their rotten moods are amusing.

Which just gets me all worried again. Is he amused because he wants to see us fail? Or because he thinks violence is funny? Or do we all look like little kids running around the sandbox, since he’s gotta be old enough to be Grandpa’s Grandpa? Or close, anyways. What do we really know about him, or the other aliens aboard? Why are they really helping us? It’s our colony that got attacked, after all, not theirs.

_In vain I see the morning rise,  
In vain observe the western blaze,  
Who idly look to other skies  
Expecting life by other ways._

Don’t know why I keep trying to make sense of them, huh? Aliens. My CO told me to let it be, since we needed their help but I wasn’t required to make friends, just be polite. Wise woman.

My CO? Amazingly sensible. Well, she’s bat-shit crazy, but in a good way. Scuttlebutt after Akuze was all about how unbalanced and unreliable and incompetent she was, and now I seriously want to hunt down every moron who said that and beat them one for her. She knows things, Mom. She’s helping me deal with, well, everything. Especially losing the 212. _Like souls that balance joy and pain, With tears and smiles from Heaven again._ Yeah, I know that’s all about Launcelot, the pansy, but it seems to fit. She’s good people Mom, you’d like her. I wish I could be there for her like she’s been here for me.

And I wish the damned asari would stop trying to be there for her. It’s creepy, the way those big blue eyes follow her around any time they’re both in the same room. You’d think she was 16, not 106. So much for the stereotype of asari being diplomatic and socially elite.

And there I am, bitching again. You’d think this was the worst posting I’d ever had rather than the best. No idea what’s wrong with me, Mom. Guess the general bad mood’s contagious. Even Joker’s being quiet. Well, for him. I think the seriousness of the situation is getting to everyone. Stuck wandering the universe with an occasional detour for the brass, hoping we’ll catch a decent lead; we’re not investigators, we’re Marines. I mean, anyone who’s lasted past their first tour knows how to hurry up and wait, but usually you have some idea what you’re waiting for. 

Only people who don’t seem to mind are the techs, getting to play with our fancy ship. Well, and the quarian. Who all the techs seem to have a crush on. I can’t understand half the things she says, but she is obviously crazy smart. And she likes her shotgun. Can’t dislike anyone who takes such good care of her gun.

…

Sorry, got interrupted for a training session. Still getting all the ground crews used to working together. Can’t remember what else I was going to say, really. It’s a good ship. Think it’s a good crew. The autochef is some turian demon that didn’t convert to human-based proteins very well. Every once in awhile it makes something really wrong, and someone ends up in sickbay for a day or two puking their guts out. I’m sticking to mac ‘n cheese and ration bars, myself, just in case.

I asked the turian if he knew what was wrong with it, but he said whoever attempted to switch it over to levo-proteins was a certified idiot and not to look at him. He was extra snarly too. Wonder who pissed in his cheerios? (Told you everyone was cranky, didn’t I? Sincerely hope we get to do something soon, or we’re all going to go crazy.)

Love you, miss you, all that mushy stuff. If I can’t get home this year, make sure to read _Ulysses_ to Dad for me. 

Yours, 

Ash.

 **A/N:**  
Ashley’s poetry excerpts, in order of appearance:  
“A Soldier” Robert Frost  
“Each and All” Ralph Waldo Emerson  
“The Poet’s Delay” Henry David Thoreau  
“Sir Launcelot and Queen Guinevere” Alfred Lord Tennyson

Also, special thanks to Badpie, Giggles Maniacally, and Drunken Pyromaniac, as well as our usual betas Shenzi and Buggirl, for their assistance in getting Ashley to sound like Ashley and not one of our Shepards. Thanks, y’all!


	26. Hypothetically Speaking

Alexis had given Joker explicit instructions. _Get us to Agebinium as quickly and as quietly as you can. And make sure Alenko and Williams are standing by as soon as we arrive._ Hackett had expressed that the utmost discretion needed to be used planetside, and frankly, that just gave her a bad feeling about the situation. _I’ll just head back to my quarters for a few minutes and review the information Hackett sent one more time,_ she thought to herself as she made her way back to the crew deck, paying little mind to anything else.

“Commander, do you have a minute?” a voice asked from somewhere in the mess.

She quickly glanced up and saw the turian cop looking expectantly at her. _What now? I just need to go fucking deal with this, and maybe finally shoot something_.... “What is it, Officer Vakarian?”

The turian shifted his weight slightly. “I‘d like to talk to you about a few things?”

Probably can’t be good... “Is this something that needs to be said privately?”

Vakarian glanced around the mess area, and she followed his gaze. There weren’t many people mingling about, but that didn’t mean someone couldn’t just walk up on the conversation here. “Yes. It would be best.”

“Alright then,” Alexis said as she turned and headed into her quarters. It would allow her to kill two birds, so to speak, as she still wanted a chance to review the information from Hackett before they arrived. Vakarian followed her into the chambers, and she made a gesture for him to sit at the small table in the room.

The turian perched himself on the chair, his back rigid, and looking uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure if it was from the situation or if the chair was that uncomfortable for a turian. “Thank you for taking the time to hear me out, Commander.”

“Of course. You’re part of this crew,” she said, remaining standing while he sat, “and I’ll always make time to listen to the concerns of the crew.”

Vakarian was silent a moment, his cheekplates flaring in embarrassment. Or that’s what she thought anyways. Reading a turian’s facial expressions was difficult at best. “I’m not entirely sure how to approach this, Commander.”

“Just cut straight to the chase and say whatever it is you need to say,” she advised him. She had no idea what could be bothering him, except maybe a certain fellow blonde commander. But, Meghan was behaving when out with him. Or at least she was fairly certain Meg was since her friend hadn’t attempted to kill her in a sparring match for pegging her with the cop.

“I wanted to thank you for allowing me to come on this mission,” Vakarian started, which immediately assuaged some of the worries she had about this conversation. “I have to admit I had reservations about being assigned to the Commander’s team. But despite her history, Commander Shepard has already shown me a lot.”

“Such as?”

He shrugged. “She’s not much for red tape or proper procedure, is she?”

“No, not particularly.” She wasn’t quite sure if he was condemning or condoning Meg’s actions with the statement, but rather than lead him with questions of her own, she’d rather see where he was going with his own train of thought.

“Why was I assigned to the Commander’s team?” he asked. “Not everyone would pair a cop with a former criminal.”

 _And there’s the line of questioning I was expecting._ “Because I have limited techs available on this mission, and you were the best fit for hers. Despite the conflicting backgrounds.”

“How was I the best fit? She didn’t take my being assigned to her team well, did she.” That last bit didn’t sound so much a question, as a statement.

Alexis did her best to keep her voice, and face neutral. “It doesn’t matter if she did.” 

“It doesn’t?”

“Meghan will be a good soldier and taker her lumps. She might grumble about, and she sure as hell might not like it, but she won’t let her personal opinion interfere with what she needs to get done. She’s a big enough girl to look past her own discomforts.”

Vakarian seemed quick with the counter. “She dislikes cops and is a menace to herself and others on the battlefield. So, she’s working with me because you made her do it?”

“She works with a lot of people because someone else told her to do it. But, in this case, the Flight Commander and I pointed out exactly why this pairing was the best choice, since my guess is that she’s as bull-headed as myself and hasn’t bothered to review her own suit footage.” Alexis felt a flicker of annoyance over having to defend the fact that Meghan was still a soldier at the end of the day. Weren’t turians a militaristic society?

He made another unusual turian facial expression, cheekplates in close to jaw, eyebrow ridges up. _I wonder if Meg has figured out how to read their faces yet_. “I’m afraid I don’t understand, Commander.”

She repressed the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. “Have you taken the time to actually review any of the combat footage taken since you signed up?”

“I have not. Why?”

Alexis made a mental note to remind Meghan that the ground crews needed to be familiarizing themselves with that footage. “Because if you had, you’d see that in the fights you’ve been ‘with’ the commander, you’ve complemented some of her more aggressive tendencies well. Take, for instance, that shootout at Chora’s Den. You were able to force the commander back into cover, despite whatever other intentions she had. You had her back, probably when she best needed it. I’m not suggesting that no one else would have done the same, but I need to know that the instincts of the people I’m assigning to the crews best compliment each other, and you’ve already shown that you do just that with her.”

“Then by that reasoning, aren’t there others, like Lieutenant Alenko, better suited to working with her?” he posed back at her.

She felt more than just a flicker of annoyance at that particular question and had to do her best to keep from scowling. “I thought you were happy with your assignment now?”

“Just trying to get a sense of your purpose, Commander. She took down a krogan battlemaster with a combat knife. There was nothing I could do. She leaped into enemy fire to take out her former gang members. If I hadn’t shot the last one in the head, she’d be dead. “ He paused and then shook his head. “I’m not sure I can keep up with her.”

"You’ve been keeping up with her fine, from what I’ve seen. You’ve been a valuable asset to her team. Why are you concerned now?" she asked as Vakarian looked at her steadily from under his scouter. He didn’t say anything, but she got the distinct impression that he caught her previous deflection. Fuck.

But instead of addressing it, he said, "I've only ever worked with turians, Commander. Even C-Sec doesn't have too many humans in it yet. I don't know what to expect from any of you. Is everything we've done, that she's done, standard?”

Alexis crossed her arms under her breasts, still trying to ignore the annoyance she was feeling. “It’s standard for how she has been trained. Vanguards are taught to assess the situation, and modify tactics as they deem necessary. It’s drilled into us in vanguard training, and even more so with N training. Believe me, you would be dealing with that uncertainty under either myself or the Flight Commander, not just Meghan.”

“I understand. She does have her moments, though,” he said, an odd note of pride, and possibly approval, in his voice.

She let her arms slip back down to her side. “As do we all. I assure you, Officer Vakarian, that I have the utmost confidence in the commander, and her decisions. And I would not have assigned you to her, if I did not feel that the two of you would be able to make things work.”

He paused for a moment, and she was beginning to think he might finally excuse himself and leave. “Are you expecting me to protect her?” he asked suddenly.

“Expecting?” She blinked a bit at the directness of the question. “No.”

“Then what?”

“I’m expecting you to do your job. The same as the rest of us.”

He finally stood up. “You’ve given me a lot to think about, Commander. I don’t know what to do with this information, but I’ll think about what you’ve said.”

She nodded to him. “If you have any other questions, I’ll be more than happy to try and answer them for you.”

“Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, Commander.” She gave him a silent wave of dismissal, and he left. But somehow, she felt that his talk had less to do with her reassuring him, and more about him picking her mind. _That was just a bit unsettling,_ she thought with a frown. She’d have to worry about that later though. There was a missing probe with a nuclear device that needed her attention.

She went over to her desk and pulled up the file with what little details Hackett was able to provide. She downloaded the data directly to her omni-tool, so that she could hand it over to Alenko on the way planetside. If the nuke needed to be dealt with, she wanted him to have as much information as possible. Part of her really wanted to drag all the techs down there with her, but that would be counter-intuitive to the discretion part of the mission, since two-thirds of her field ready technicians were not Alliance marines.

She was halfway to the locker room when Joker finally announced their imminent arrival at the planet. “Drop site in three minutes, Commander.” With luck, this should be an easy grab and tag mission.

~*~

A long hot shower had been exactly what she needed when the three marines returned back to the _Normandy._ It turned out that the missing probe the Alliance thought they’d successfully tracked down had really been an elaborate trap, a ploy to try and blow her up. Quite literally. A plot perpetuated by a man named Haliat, whom she was more than a little glad had refused to come along peacefully.

Plus, she had finally managed to work out her current anger issues, courtesy of the Mako. She might not be able to drive that piece of metal worth a damn, but there was something oddly comforting about firing the cannon on the thing. Maybe that would help resolve the lingering issues with her fellow Commanders. Something to keep in mind at least.

But right now, Alexis really wanted to just kick back and relax. Maybe even get something to eat. Well, other than ration bars, but that would require fighting with Julia. _Maybe I’ll just stick with the power bars_... she thought to herself as she headed into the mess and crew area.

The area was oddly devoid of almost crew, despite the hour. She was only used to seeing it like this at 0300 hours. Not 1900 hours. The only person even around was Alenko, who was currently bending over some kind of panel. The view itself stopped her in her tracks, and she let herself enjoy it for longer than she really should. But it’s really hard to ignore an ass like that all the time.

“What are you doing, Lieutenant?” she finally asked, causing him to suddenly look up and over to her.

“Uh, trying to repair...”

“Aren’t you supposed to be off duty?” she interrupted.

“Yes, but--” 

“But nothing, Lieutenant. You managed to single-handedly disarm a live nuclear device today without breaking a sweat. Your hands deserve a rest,” she told him as she walked over to where he was still standing, noting the line of chairs along the wall behind him.

“It’ll just take--”

“Lieutenant, is the ship going to explode, or otherwise fall apart, if this isn’t repaired immediately?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Then, I’ll remind you again that you are off duty. So sit, and it can wait until later.”

Alenko gave her a quizzical look but did as she ordered. She then went and sat beside him. “Uh, may I ask a question, ma’am?”

“Yes, you may, Lieutenant.”

“What are you doing?” he asked. 

“Making sure you take a break.”

“Huh.” That was all he said. She wasn’t entirely sure why she had sat down by him either truthfully. It wasn’t like she really had to worry about him disregarding her orders. Of course, they really hadn’t had a chance to talk since that day on the Presidium when Wrex had interrupted them (mostly due to her own foul mood), but despite the earlier odd conversation she felt relaxed next to the Lieutenant, his biotic frequency a comforting white noise in the small bones of her ears. 

She felt him shift next to her. _Was he nervous? Was she making him nervous?_ “You okay there?”

“Uh, yeah,” Alenko paused a moment. “You seem to be, uh, in a better mood.”

She shrugged slightly. “What can I say, there’s something about accomplishing a mission without Murphy interfering too much that makes our job worthwhile. Plus, it sure as hell beats sitting around doing endless amounts of paperwork. It’s a good end to the day.”

She felt him shift again next to her, but as she glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, he seemed to be more comfortable now. “So, you don’t regret not being able to arrest that leader?”

“Haliat? No, not really. If we could have, sure, but sometimes, those kind of people don’t really deserve it. And that was long before he hijacked a nuclear device to try and blow me to itty-bitty pieces. It might be wrong of me to say it, but after Elysium…” _Mary Kingsley. All those kids. The people I was too late to help._

“It’s never as picturesque as the press wants us to believe?”

Alexis half laughed, turning slightly so that she could look at him as they talked. “Something like that.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alenko asked.

She shook her head slightly. “Mm, not today. Today, the bad guys are dealt with, and the Blitz is behind me.” For a moment, she thought she saw a flicker of disappointment cross his face. “Or, at least I’d like to pretend. So, why don’t you tell me about this ‘Brain Camp’.”

This time, it was more than a flicker of reaction. He seemed genuinely surprised by the sudden recall to the conversation that had happened days ago back on the Citadel. He shrugged slightly with a half-smile. “Well, ’Biotic Acclimation and Temperance’ didn’t last past the airlock. To the kids they hauled in, it was ‘Brain Camp.’ Sorry, _hauled in_ is unkind. We were ‘encouraged to commit to an evaluation of our abilities, so an understanding of biotics could be compiled.’ There are worse results of _accidental_ exposure to element zero in the womb. Beats the brain tumors some kids grew up with.”

“Is there some question about how you were exposed?”

“My mother was downwind of a transport crash. It was before there were human biotics---“ He suddenly stopped himself. “Sorry, ma’am, I’m a bit used to have to explain it to people who—“

“—aren’t biotics?” she finished for him.

“Exactly, some people don’t understand what it means your family went through. What about you?”

She simply shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“You don’t know how you were exposed?”

“I asked a couple of times." _”Enough, Alexis! Whatever happened was in the past. We will not discuss this."_ The rare harsh words from her father still rung in her ears. “But it was obviously a sore spot. I didn’t press. But go on.”

“Anyways, it was a little after the discovery of the Martian ruins when my mother’s accident happened. It only gets iffy around ’63 when Conatix was running out of first gen subjects. Until then, they’d relied on accidentals. Bunch of guys in suits show up at your door after school. Next thing you know, you’re out on Jump Zero.”

Alexis knew about Jump Zero, or at least what Gagarin station had become. Both Meghan and Ella had ended up doing a few rounds of desk duty there. She had been spared, but she doubted what it became was the same as it was. “Sounds like there were other kids in the same boat, right? At least you weren’t alone out there?”

Alenko smiled a bit again. “That’s true. We did have a little circle that’d get together every night before lights-out. We didn’t have much to do, though. It was a research platform then, and Conatix kept Jump Zero off the extranet. To prevent leaks.”

“You were all teenagers. I’m sure you found other... ways to occupy time.”

“I’m not the sort who does _that_ sort of thing, Commander. Not lightly anyway.”

She scrunched her nose slightly, feeling a bit embarrassed. Her last statement had come out a lot more suggestive than she had intended. “Guess it was just me with a lurid past.” He raised his eyebrows at her comment, and she couldn’t help but laugh at this point. “Oh, please, you can’t deny you saw at least one of those pictures.”

 _Why, oh god, why am I bringing this up?_ Alenko shifted a bit uncomfortably. “It was a bit… difficult to miss them. Ma’am.”

“Right, so as I said, lurid past.”

“Can I ask you a question, ma’am?”

“Sure.”

“Why exactly did you pose for them?” he asked. She immediately quirked one brow slightly as she watched him. “You just seemed embarrassed by them.”

“I’m not embarrassed by the pictures,” she quickly interjected.

“You certainly seemed to be back on Therum.”

She sighed slightly. “It wasn’t the pictures. I have long since come to terms that those pictures are out there. Pretty much forever. It’s the unexpected ambushing with them that gets to me. The unprofessionalism of it makes me uncomfortable.”

“Uh, I’m not sure professionalism is going to come to anyone’s mind when looking at those. Pictures. Ma’am.”

She felt heat creep along her cheeks, but she pointedly ignored it. “Yes, well, be that as it may, when I’m on duty, I expect a certain level of decorum. Regardless of whatever thoughts are provoked.”

There was a long, awkward pause, almost ruining the comfort from earlier. “So, getting back to the question, why did you pose for them?”

“Because some sycophantic PR rep that I was stuck with for _four_ months after the Blitz worked out some kind of deal that the Alliance brass signed off on. They, for the most part, convinced me to go along with it. Something about it being a good motivational for both morale and enlistment.”

“They were, uh, definitely morale boosting in my last unit, uh, ma'am. It certainly must have made things... challenging for your commands afterwards?”

Alexis laughed slightly. “You would have thought so, but the first smart-mouthed private who dared to suggest I should strip down to help properly motivate him for his assignment was all I needed to ensure that it wouldn’t happen again. I made his life hell for weeks after that. Word spread pretty quickly after that.”

“Ouch, I can imagine,” he said with a soft chuckle, which managed to give her a tingling sensation down her spine. _Damn it, no one, especially not an officer and subordinate, should be allowed to sound so sexy just by laughing._

“I knew I wouldn’t be able to change the fact that people serving under me were going to see those pictures. But the only way it would affect my command, is if I let it.”

“That’s certainly true enough,” Alenko said. He paused for a moment. “Can I ask you another question, ma’am?”

“Hmm, maybe,” she said with a grin. If he was going to be direct, then she might as well be too. “Do I get to ask one of you after?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Then ask away, soldier. It’s not like I’ve shied away from the last question.”

Alenko quirked a half-smile. “Well, you said for the most part earlier. You had some reservations about doing the shoot?”

She shrugged slightly. “Of course, I did. Apart from the implications towards the career, I did have to worry what other people might think. Friends, family. Would any of them be disappointed? Did I care if they were? Hell, when I really thought about it, the fact that it could disappoint them kind of provided that extra incentive to go ahead.”

“Them?”

“The Captain.” _Who was probably more worried about how it would affect her career rather than mine,_ Alexis silently added. 

“And?” 

“And, what? Was she disappointed?” She smirked slightly. “Of course she was. She just couldn’t believe I would do something like that.”

“And who else were you trying to disappoint?” he asked quietly.

“You mean, sticking it to my mother after realizing that nothing I ever did was going to be good enough for her, isn’t reason enough?” she countered, ignoring the tiny voice that was currently sighing in her head about oversharing.

“Well, you did say them. Ma’am.”

This time she did sigh audibly. “Just some jerk.”

“Jerk?” Alenko asked, but she didn’t answer. The last thing she wanted to do was even think about that asshole, and it was her own damn fault for even letting the subject venture anywhere close to the topic. 

She cleared her throat. “I think it’s my turn to ask questions, Lieutenant. So what was Jump Zero like back then? I imagine it was pretty intimidating for a kid away from home for the first time.”

“Well, yeah, it was intimidating. A large, cold, sterile environment. With pretty much no privacy for any of us.”

“You know, that sounds eerily familiar. Except just some place other than where paperwork goes to die now for the Alliance.” She stopped herself before she started oversharing further, again. “But, sorry, you were saying...”

Alenko smiled at her. “Like I said earlier, there were a lot of us in the same boat. The atmosphere fostered quite a few instant friendships. And a few crushes.”

“Crushes, huh?” _Wait, did I just ask him to talk about old girlfriends?_ She groaned inwardly.

“There was this one girl I spent a lot of time with, Rahna. She was from Turkey. Her family was very rich. But she was smart, and charming as hell.” _See, this is what you get for asking him to wax nostalgic about old crushes._ “Beautiful, but not stuck up about it. Like you, I guess... Ma’am.”

Her eyes widened slightly, and met his long-lashed whiskey-colored eyes, the familiar heat spreading along her cheeks again. She was beginning to suspect that her fair skin was going to tan at the rate she was blushing these days. She nervously tucked her hair behind one ear and licked her lips, as she processed what he just said. Those intense, inscrutable eyes glanced down to watch her mouth, before flicking back up to meet her eyes again. She shifted in her seat, wanting to pull her eyes away from his, but finding herself unable to. “You’re making a habit of saying things like that, Lieutenant.”

“Ma’am?”

“Smart, beautiful, charming...” She paused briefly as she watched his face start to turn red to match hers. “Or was I mishearing you just now?” She smiled at him, shyly.

“Uh, are you going to write me up if I say yes?”

“Yes to what?”

“Yes, that I meant every word.” His voice was low, husky as he spoke, his dark eyes still locked on hers with that same intensity that was normally directed at his work, but right now, it was aimed at her. 

Her mouth was suddenly very dry, and her heart skipped slightly. “No, no, I don’t think I will.”

“Would.”

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t think you would. _If_ I said yes.” Alexis was slightly confused for a moment as she tried to make sense of his words, but Alenko never clarified. He merely continued to look at her with those eyes. _Because he can’t,_ that tiny voice finally managed to say. 

And neither can I, she reminded herself. “Right. This conversation was completely hypothetical. Lieutenant.”

“I do have one non-hypothetical question, ma’am. If you don’t mind.”

“What is that, Lieutenant?”

“Do you make it a habit of getting this, uh, hypothetical with everyone?”

 _I can’t believe I just did. God, I used to have more self control than this._ She swallowed the suddenly hard lump in her throat, finding herself unable to look away from him and realizing she had to answer. “No, no, I don’t.”


	27. Interlude: Angels

Garrus Vakarian enjoyed running, even if it was on a treadmill in a gym in a cargo bay. It gave him time to think. He was sure he'd done the right thing, continuing his investigation into Saren Arterius with the new human Spectres. Abandoning Executor Pallin's endless loops of red tape could only be a good thing. Joining an entirely human crew was obviously necessary, given who was chasing the rogue Spectre and what he'd done, but he wasn't sure what he'd gotten himself into, surrounded by Alliance personnel who sometimes did not make sense.

He'd done his service with the Turian Hierarchy. He'd served with a variety of aliens in his time with C-Sec. And yet, no one seemed to behave the way they should based on his training or his admittedly somewhat limited experience. Especially not the command crew.

The three commanders were not remotely what he'd expected. The commanding officer was a hero to the humans, but quiet and reticent about her fame. The Flight CO had a ruthless reputation, but was friendly with everyone. And the Marine CO never did anything by the book, but it always seemed to work for her.

Tensions had been high aboard ship ever since the last visit to the Citadel. No one had found any leads on Saren, and something had apparently gone wrong for everyone.  _What was it the commanders were fond of saying? Murphy hates them? Really must find out what this Murphy is, at some point. The question is, who should I ask?_

Meghan Shepard, the Marine CO, was the one person he'd probably spent the most time with since he'd joined the  _Normandy_. She, however, was prickly at the best of times, and had recently been especially irritable and distant with everyone, even her superior officers. If he followed chain of command, his next bet was the Flight Commander, but for all she seemed easy-going, he couldn't get the death toll figures from the Torfan operation out of his head every time he looked at her. And he'd tried to talk to the CO, but she was definitely all business.

_Unless I go the other direction? Meghan Shepard's 2iC is Lieutenant Alenko. He seems reasonable. And if the conversation gets too awkward, I can always just ask him about his omni-tool mod's. Easy change of subject._

He'd been undisturbed for some time, his mind wandering peacefully, the steady beat of his feet hitting the belt beneath him only slightly louder then his breathing as he kept up an easy pace. It used to be he'd have been interrupted by now with the commanders' morning sparring session, but he hadn't seen them in the gym for anything beyond basic, solitary, PT requirements for days.

A familiar laugh suddenly echoed through the empty bay, and he tilted his head slightly to see three figures in standard Alliance-issue gear heading for the mats on the other side of the bay.  _Well, the commanders seem to be in better moods, finally. But_ w _hy does the Alliance make everything blue? Even their gym shorts?_ Hoping some more observation would help the humans make a bit more sense, Garrus watched his erratic Marine OIC fight against the other two commanders. And was forced to hide the urge to scowl as she won, handily, but failed to provide any illumination into human motivations.

As they separated to continue with their solo-workouts, Garrus slowed down to a walk to cool down, and then headed back to the locker room. He did actually have something to do today besides tweak the Mako, after all, thanks to a hit from one of his old tracking programs.  _Doctor Saleon, I've finally got you on the run._

Showered and dressed, Garrus headed up to the cockpit to get the pilot's help in pinpointing the coordinates for an old perpetrator who'd gotten away from him back on the Citadel. The slimy bastard had been selling black market organs grown inside poor saps who just needed the money. It was one of the most disturbing cases he'd ever worked on, and he'd hated having it hanging unresolved over his head.

"Joker, could I borrow your navigation..." Garrus trailed off as he reached the cockpit, surprised to find Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko already in the navigator's chair, working on one of the consoles. The top part of the panel was lifted up with wires and circuits sticking out at odd angles. Garrus was mildly curious about the design of the panel, but he was more annoyed that he might have to put off his search yet again.

"Tech panel's got nav back-up already set up, Vakarian," Joker offered, nodding at what Garrus had assumed was some sort of co-pilot's station right next to him. "If you're needing to look something up?"

Grunting a soft affirmative, Garrus carefully bent his tall frame into the chair that was, perhaps, a bit too close to the console for comfort. After setting up the search for the coordinates, Garrus stared at the panel and realized it would take awhile.  _Now might be a good time to ask about the commanders._  "I have a question for you, Lieutenant, about our commanders."

Alenko glanced up from the wires he was splicing, "What is it, Garrus?"

Suddenly a little uncomfortable, since both humans' eyes were on him, Garrus cleared his throat, "Have you seen them spar?"

The lieutenant seemed non-plussed by the question and bent his head back to his work, "Not yet, no."

The flight lieutenant, on the other hand, straightened up in his seat and his fingers began flying over his panel, "Holy Mary Mother of God, they're  _fighting_? In the  _cargo bay_? _Right now_? And you're up here? Are you sure you're male?" The C-Sec officer stifled a chuckle as the security feed came up on Joker's monitors and he hastily scrolled through the camera views trying to find the cargo bay gymnasium.

The turian shook his head, "No, they finished already. And what does being male have to do with anything?"

Joker glanced over from his console in disgust, "Seriously, is it just you, or are all turians this hopeless?"

Finally getting the two wires reconnected, Alenko laughed, "Not everyone lives in the gutter like you do, Joker."

The pilot snorted, "Yes, they do, they're just not willing to admit it out loud."

Garrus felt his cheekplates widen in a grin, in spite of himself. "I assume you would have been... what's the phrase... turned on by it?"

"Joker would get turned on watching them fold their socks," Kaidan responded, shaking his head.

"Possibly," Joker nodded in agreement before turning his attention back to Garrus. "So who won?"

"Uh, Meghan, I believe."

Both officers nodded slightly, as if unsurprised by the answer. The lieutenant turned his serious gaze towards the turian. "Did you ask for a reason, Garrus?"

The C-Sec officer shrugged, "I just wondered why the other commanders would gang up on Meghan."

Joker snorted slightly. "Uh, you just said she won. Doesn't that sorta answer your question?"

"But they always fight against Meghan," Garrus pointed out. "I would think that in order to get the most out of sparring they'd alternate who was the sole fighter."

Joker put his head in his hands. "Oh, God, you mean they do this often? How have I missed that?" He glared at the Sentinel. "Why didn't you tell me? Holding out on your best friend? That's just low."

The lieutenant shrugged, "I didn't know they were sparring in the lower decks, either, Joker."

Narrowing his eyes, Joker demanded, "Would you tell me if you knew?"

Alenko pretended to think about it for a moment, looking pensively out the viewport, then back at Joker, "Ummm ... No."

The pilot threw up his hands. "See?"

The older man turned to look at Garrus, "To answer your question, Vakarian, Meghan's just that good at hand-to-hand, I've heard. Alexis is the better shot, th-."

Joker interrupted, "Ella's apparently extra good at the blue glowy shit, though. Got some time with an asari instructor at N."

Both the Infiltrator and the Sentinel blinked at the pilot's exclamation. "Right." Alenko looked back at Garrus, "Meghan apparently took on three of her instructors at the same time in N training. And won."

 _Huh. Impressive._ "So now I have another question."

Joker grinned, "For bringing this important matter to my attention, though I'd wish you'd done it sooner, I will answer as many questions as you need. As long as you tell me the next time they're doing that."

The turian had to laugh. "Why do you care they were sparring? And how does the Lieutenant know Meghan beat her instructors?"

The pilot shook his head. "My ship. I'm supposed to know everything that happens on my ship. You're ruining my reputation." He sighed, apparently still dismayed that he'd missed it.

The biotic laughed, "You can call me Kaidan, Garrus. Meghan mentioned it. Right before we met you I think." He gave a half-grin in Joker's direction and continued, "Alexis also said she cheated though."

That was interesting.  _Cheating? That seems, dishonorable. Out-of-character._  "Really? How?"

Kaidan paused to make sure Joker was listening, "Her shirt got ripped so she took it off and just fought in her bra."  _What, by the spirits, is a_ bra _? And why is that cheating? That goes on the list after Murphy_.

Joker stared at Kaidan, wide-eyed, "You've got to be kidding me. That's just... cruel to withhold that sort of information. But, I've now decided which Angel Meghan must be." His grin now was wider and more devious.

Garrus shared a confused glance with Kaidan, who managed to speak up first. "I'm sorry... 'Angel'?"

Joker rolled his eyes, " _Charlie's Angels_? Oh, c'mon, don't tell me I was the only bored kid on the extranet."

"You were the only bored kid on the extranet." Kaidan and Garrus responded in unison.

"What's a Charlie's Angel?" Kaidan continued.

"Gorgeous women, great hair... liked guns, capturing bad guys... You know, the Shepards..." he trailed off leadingly, as if waiting for the other two to agree with him.

Both the turian and the biotic flared open their omni-tools to look up Joker's reference. Kaidan's eyes widened when he found it first. "I really don't think you should ever tell them you compared them to those characters." Garrus' mandibles flared in horrified agreement as he found a few pictures from his own search.

"What?" Joker looked from human to turian in astonishment. "Yeah, it's all goofy 20th century, but the idea... crime-fighting outside the lines?" Kaidan was still still looking at his omni-tool, a frown knotting his brow. "If you're looking for Alexis, she's the smart one." Joker attempted to peer over at Kaidan's display.

Garrus had to shake his head at the pilot's imagination. He doubted the commanders would appreciate the comparison. "Yes, I agree with the Lieu - Kaidan. Never tell them they remind you of this show."

Joker shrugged, "You know me, I love to live dangerously. But seriously, you don't see it? Did you look up the movies too?"

"I think I'm afraid to." Garrus gave up on his extranet search, turning his gaze back up towards the pilot. "How did you find this? Why?"

Joker shrugged. "Not much else to do when you're laid up with your thousandth broken leg and you've done all your homework for the month already."

"So," Kaidan drawled slightly, apparently still in disbelieving shock, "you use your downtime to cast our commanding officers in imaginary tv show remakes in your head?"

"It would be  _classy_." Joker huffed out defensively. "Nothing silly like slow motion running down a beach."

After a few moments of staring at Joker, Kaidan finally smiled slightly in amusement. "Though you wouldn't be adverse to that."

Joker turned so that Garrus couldn't see his face, but it was apparently an expression that made the lieutenant nervous. "Neither would you," Joker told him.

Kaidan seemed to turn red, starting at the collar of his uniform. "I, uh... it wouldn't be-"

"Professional. Right."

The following silence was loaded with some subtext Garrus couldn't interpret. Human men were possibly stranger than human women. "Do all human men talk like this about women?"

Kaidan shook his head, his color slowly returning to normal. "No, just Joker."

"Bah, neither one of you appreciate my wit," the pilot exclaimed, waving a hand in dismissal.

Kaidan snorted, "We appreciate it. We'd just like to be on the other side of the ship when lightning strikes you."

Garrus smelled her strangely familiar perfume before she spoke, so he wasn't quite as startled as the other two. "Speaking of lightning...," Meghan Shepard said as she leaned against the bulkhead, her arms crossed over her chest, and a small small smile playing about her lips.

The turian had to admit it was funny to watch the other two men jump as she startled them. "So, uh... which Angel do you think I'd be, Joker?" Meghan asked, her tone wavering between amused and annoyed. Garrus fought the urge to disappear into the deckplates.

Joker spun in his chair and Garrus had to give the man credit, he met Shepard's eyes without flinching. "Dylan Sanders in the movie. Kelly Garrett in the TV show," he shrugged as if it were self-evident.

One of Shepard's eyebrows went up. "Really? Most guys claim I'm more like Jill Monroe. The blonde hair I think."

Joker tilted his head as if considering her statement. "Then they're not paying attention."

Shepard's blonde eyebrow was still raised as she asked, "And you are?"

The pilot grinned, "I always pay attention to beautiful women. You totally fight like a crazy scary biotically enhanced Drew Barrymore."

Shepard grinned, "Suck up."

Joker looked at her doubtfully. "What, like you don't know you're beautiful? Don't believe that."

Shepard blushed and looked away. Garrus felt his police instincts kick in but resisted interrupting. "You're still sucking up," she told the pilot.

Joker snorted, "Like I'd bother. Seriously. No one with my skills needs to suck up. You're stuck with me regardless, if you want the  _Normandy_ to dance." He shrugged. "But if you're gonna be all modest for once, I can change the subject. How do you know about  _Charlie's Angels_  anyway, Commander?"

Shepard's blush receded. First Alenko then Shepard changed colors. Turians did something similar, but it was usually on their necks and barely visible. That was quite a color change. She shrugged. "You weren't the only bored kid on the extranet, Joker."

Garrus had to grin as Joker paused to think back over the conversation, trying to figure out when he said that. The pilot grimaced and Kaidan winced. Garrus felt a little ashamed that he'd not smelled her sooner, either. "Well, shit." Joker said, speaking for all of them. But then, he persisted. "Are you gonna tell the other commanders? 'Cause I should probably warn Chakwas to expect my bleeding body if you do."

Meghan smiled slowly, a look the turian had only ever seen her direct at someone she was about to destroy. "I don't know... I enjoy a little blackmail every now and then." Kaidan coughed a laugh into his hand. Garrus looked from the pilot to the commander. This whole conversation was oddly entertaining, and certainly eye-opening, if confusing.

Joker grinned back, defiantly. "Like there's anything you'd need from me you couldn't do yourself. Or order Alenko or Vakarian to do. Why resort to blackmail?"

Shepard just stared at Joker, "Do you practice sounding like that is or it is a natural talent?"

Joker's grin widened, "Both."

The commander laughed and shook her head. "Troublemaker. I can't believe you're actually comparing us to old 20th century TV characters. What's next, Disney parallels?"

Joker shrugged again. "Ah, that's easy. The CO's Snow White. Too nice for her own good, nasty step-mother." Garrus caught the slight headshake of warning and the glare the Vanguard shot the pilot as he poorly covered the word "step-mother" with fake coughing. He seemed to ignore it though, and continue on. "You're Belle. Bookworm, spine of steel, doesn't realize she's gorgeous, just as nice but hides it better. And the flight commander's Mulan. Likes to fight, protects her friends, gets a lot of crap for it."

Kaidan turned to look at Joker, blinking slowly. "Did you just list a bunch of Princess vids off the top of your head? Aren't those for pre-teen girls?"

"Only way to impress the girls when you're stuck online all the time. Know about girl shit. Besides, Disney's not that bad. Fights, villains, funny sidekicks." Joker shrugged.

It was Shepard's turn to blink at the pilot. "You need to get out more, Joker. Who are you? Aladdin?"

He laughed, "Nah, I'm a sidekick. But one who saves the day at the end of the vid." He made his voice deeper and bigger. "Phenomenal Cosmic Power!" He put his thumb and forefinger together with a space between, his voice suddenly high and tight. "Itty bitty living space."

Shepard's laugh was sudden, but infectious. He saw the other men smile in response and felt a grin tug at his own cheekplates. "Yeah, I can see the resemblance," she said when she finally got her laughter under control.

Curiousity won over amusement, however, and Garrus asked, "What is 'Disney?'"

Shepard turned her green eyes to him, "Animated movies. Took old Earth fairy tales and prettied them up for 20th century children. At least you didn't compare any of us to  _The Little Mermaid._ "

Joker frowned, "Now that one I don't know. How did that one end?"

"She ended up pining for her prince who didn't love her back and dying tragically of a broken heart." Shepard's tone was disgusted.

"Not in the movie." Everyone's eyes went to Kaidan.

Shepard's eyebrows went up again. "I thought they were for girls, LT?"

The lieutenant mumbled something that sounded like, "I have sisters." That was something Garrus understood. Somehow, sisters always got the better of an honorable brother.

"What'd they do, tie you to a chair? Big bad biotic boy got schooled by his kid sisters?" Shepard teased.

Kaidan smiled, "My father was very clear, I could not hit a girl. And sisters qualified. They outnumbered me and they were sneaky." Meghan laughed again. "You haven't told us how you were familiar with the vids, Shepard?" He added, deflecting attention from himself.

Shepard shrugged. "I sucked at hacking. So, I watched the free shit. Stuff that was so old the copyrights were gone off it.  _Charlie's Angels_  and Disney were easy to find."

Joker's face lit up with excitement, "Ooh, we have to have a vid night, Commander. Show our ignorant crew-mates what they're missing. Bet I can convince Julia to make something pretty close to popcorn."

Meghan shuddered. Garrus felt his stomach turn. He didn't know what popcorn was, but he doubted Julia was up to making it. "I think only you and I would appreciate most of those Joker," she pointed out.

Garrus shrugged, "I don't know. I could use some insight into humans."

"I don't think ancient vids will give you that, Vakarian." Shepard shook her head.

"But it's such a good way to pass the time," Joker said. "I could find one with lots of explosions to draw in the unenlightened masses. Only so much to do in transit, you know."

"Speaking of things to do in transit, don't you have work?" Meghan pointed out, a note of laughter in her voice. "You know, like making sure we don't bounce too close to a supernova? That would injure something real quick."

Joker stared at her for a moment. "I think I'm in love. Did you actually just quote Star Wars at me?"

Shepard tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I believe I did."

Kaidan looked from one to the other, "Wait, you've both seen that?"

Shepard shrugged, "Haven't you?" At the same time, Joker, told him, "Bored kid. Extranet access. Duh."

The Sentinel grinned, "I wanted to be Luke Skywalker."

Meghan smiled back. "Aren't you?" She wiggled her fingers at him, "Kinda?"

Kaidan laughed, "I guess as close as a real person can be."  _The three of them seemed to have bonded over this vid,_  Garrus thought. How strange that a vid, and an old one at that, could unite them.

Meghan chuckled, "Next we'll find out I'm your long lost twin sister." The two men joined her in laughter.

Joker looked over at Garrus and apparently realized the turian was lost. "Spoilers! Damn, Shepard!" He looked at Kaidan, "But really, Alenko, who wants to be Luke? Whiny brat. Han Solo, all the way. The real hero of the piece."

Kaidan laughed again, "Maybe, but with the Force as my ally it's better than a good blaster at your side. Though I have to say, I'm partial to those, too."

Meghan giggled. He'd heard the light, high laugh before, just never from Meghan. "It's all right, Garrus." She reassured the turian, mistaking the reason for his expression. "One of these days I'll make you watch the movies. Heck, may even make you sit through all nine. Though you have to start with  _A New Hope_ , or Luke and Leia are just gross."

Joker made a noise that sounded like he was in pain. "There are not nine movies, Shepard. Only four. Those other things do not exist."

Meghan glared at Joker, "It's not like they're the  _Star Wars Christmas Special_."

Joker's eyes widened, "You watched that? Even I didn't watch that. What is wrong with you?"

Meghan looked away, another blush forming in her cheeks, "Recreational drugs and copious amounts of alcohol. That's my story and I'm sticking to it."

"Ah," he said, nodding sagely. "I got way too many hard drugs I had to take whether I wanted to or not. The recreational kind were never that appealing. And if they make you do things like watch  _The Christmas Special,_  I'm very glad I abstained."

Meghan shrugged and looked out the viewport, crossing her arms again. "Earth sucks, Moreau. Anyway. Fucking hell, don't we all have work we need to do? Vakarian, I distinctly heard the transaxle grinding on the Mako last time out."

Again, his investigative instincts flared at her change of subject. She directed those green eyes at him. In response, he retorted, "If you wouldn't drive it like a madwoman, it wouldn't be grinding."

"Wrex drove last," she pointed out.

Garrus sighed and stood up. "Why are you letting that crazy krogan near my Mako?"

"Either him or Ella, since they keep Tali on shields." She laughed at Garrus' slight flinch. "Why are you sitting here discussing which ancient television character I resemble with these two sterling examples of Alliance officers?"

"Because I was working and they were there."

"So they interrupted your work?" She shot a grim glance in the general direction of the Alliance officers, though they didn't seem particularly worried.

"I interrupted theirs to ask them a question."

Her slight scowl transferred itself from her officers back to Garrus. "What was the question?"

"I wanted to know why you fought both commanders together instead of one on one."

Meghan put her hand to her forehead. "Please tell me Alenko didn't tell you about my fighting the sergeants without a shirt?"

Laughing, he told her what she wanted to hear, "Alenko didn't tell us?" She glared at him, obviously recognizing his deflection for the big fat lie it was, and walked faster to beat him to the elevator.

Behind him, Garrus heard Joker tell Kaidan, " _Anderson's Angels_. The perfect remake."

The turian heard Kaidan sigh, "Would you give it a rest?"


	28. Status Reports

Meghan stood uncertainly outside the door to the office behind the medbay where Liara set up her workstation to examine the Prothean beacon footage and scans. She didn't want to interrupt the shy scientist's work, but she needed a report before the lunch meeting Alexis had called. She'd already gotten Tali's report that the round device looked geth, but the quarian couldn't be sure until she saw more samples of the technology they'd developed since The Morning War. She'd also gotten Alenko's report on their progress hacking the coded OSD Lex had found on Therum. Liara was the last stop. Catching the concerned look Doctor Chakwas gave her, Meghan shrugged, but before she could knock, a soprano voice called out, "Come in, Commander." Meghan stared at the door in bemusement.  _Maybe it's the biotics._

As she walked into the dimly lit room, Liara rose to meet her. "Liara, I -"

"I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander?" Her direct gaze took Meghan by surprise.

"Tell me about yourself, Liara," she blurted, her carefully planned greeting thrown out the airlock.  _What the hell is wrong with me?_ To cover her embarrassment, Meghan stepped back and leaned against the far wall.

Liara shrugged and took a couple steps forward. "Me?" She shook her head. "I'm afraid I'm not very interesting, commander."

Meghan snorted, "You're a 106 years old, Liara. That in itself is interesting."

The asari shook her head again, "I spend most of my time on remote digs unearthing mundane items buried in long forgotten Prothean ruins."

Meghan pushed herself off the wall. False modesty always got on her nerves. "You must enjoy  _something_  about it? I mean, why do it, otherwise?"

The great blue eyes blinked in confusion, "I love my work. Seeking out history's lost secrets has a special appeal for me." Her eyes widened and she looked at Meghan as if a thought had just occurred to her. "You were actually touched by working Prothean technology! That is why I find you so fascinating, Commander!"

Meghan blinked at the asari. "Sounds like you want to dissect me in a lab somewhere." It sounded a lot bitchier than she intended, but that really was an odd thing to say to someone.

Liara's mouth dropped open in horror, "I only meant that you would be an interesting specimen for in depth study." Her hand flew to her mouth, "No! That's even worse!"

Meghan had to laugh. "Calm down, Liara, I was only joking."

"Joking! Oh, by the Goddess! You must think I am a complete and utter fool. Now you know why I prefer to spend my time in the field with data disks and computers. I always seem to say something embarrassing around other people. Please... just pretend this conversation never happened." The alien's cheeks flushed pink and she nervously looked at anywhere but Meghan.

The only thing the commander could think to do to alleviate the other woman's discomfort was to change the subject back to the reason for her visit. "Done. I won't bring it up again." She smiled reassuringly at the archaeologist who returned the expression shyly. "Now, about why I'm here. Have you made any progress on the footage from the beacon?"

"Oh, of course, Commander." Some of the asari's blush seemed to abate when confronted with the prospect of research. Her thin fingers flew over the holographic interface of her omnitool and a holographic representation sprang to life above it. Meghan walked closer to see it.

The hologram had assembled the three parts into a whole and the spire the beacon was originally supposed to be stood tall against the burning sky of Eden Prime. "I took the liberty of reassembling the beacon as it might have looked before the geth or the colonists took it apart." Her soprano voice seemed to shift into a lecturing mode. "As you can see, the pieces were in good condition and, if connected, could conceivably work as intended."

"Yeah, but they blew up."

She smiled, "Well, yes, they weren't designed to sit dormant for fifty thousand years and then be used by aliens." The archaeologist used her free hand to point and magnify the two symbols in that had so puzzled them before. "I can, however, say these are definitely not Prothean."

Frowning, the human asked, "What are they then?"

Liara shrugged, "I believe Officer Vakarian recognized the gold one, but couldn't place it. I think the other one's a company logo for a human corporation."

Meghan nodded and walked around the hologram, "So, what was this thing?"

Liara stared thoughtfully at the projection. "I believe it was once a communication device. Possibly a transmitter."

"So... what, we have some sort of distress signal floating around in our heads?"

"Distress signal? How would you-?"

Meghan smirked, "From what I've seen since that day, that's all it could be." The hologram blinked out and Liara stood quietly, her blue eyes searching Meghan's face. "What?" the Vanguard asked.

"I might be able to help the three of you. If you each had the full message, it might make more sense."

It was Shepard's turn to stare at the asari, "What are you suggesting?"

"I might be able to transfer the images between the three of you with a meld." Meghan wondered, briefly, if either of the other commanders had mentioned this in her hearing. The archaeologist mistook her silence for concern. "It won't hurt and I can be as minimally invasive as possible." A slender blue hand perched on her crossed forearms.

Meghan looked at the hand, one eyebrow raised, then at Liara. "I'll have to talk to the commanders. I should go."

Leaving the small office, Meghan nodded to the doctor, then headed to Alexis' quarters where they were to meet for lunch. She stopped on the way to get a sandwich from the 'chef. Hopefully, it wouldn't make her ill, there'd been a rash of food poisonings lately. When she walked in, Ella and Alexis were already seated at the small table, datapads on the floor beside them and the peaceful sound of a string symphony in the background that made her resist the urge to yawn. Lex's music always made her sleepy.

Ella turned to glare at her, dropping her chopsticks back into a bowl of something mostly unidentifiable. "Why were you poaching my tech?"

Meghan sat her tray down, "Why would I poach your tech?"

Ella grinned up at her friend as she sat down. "I don't know. That's the point. Talking with the quarian behind my back. What are you up to?"

Meghan frowned, "Uh, getting a report into our investigation? That tiny little thing that occurred on Eden Prime that gave us all migraines for a week?"

Alexis laughed at Ella's doubtful expression. "See, and here you thought she was just trying to get rid of her cop problem."

Meghan glared at Ella, but with no real animosity. Ella laughed, "I did, I must admit. That's acceptable, however. I'll forgive you." Meghan stuck her tongue out at Ella.

Alexis chuckled then cleared her throat. "So, what did our resident Geth expert have to say?"

Meghan shrugged. Around a bite of her sandwich, she replied, "She needs more samples to compare it against. They've apparently invented some new things in 300 years."

Ella snorted, "Why can't the crazy rogue AI's be dumb and stick with their old favorites, huh?"

Lex smiled around a bite of her sandwich. "Because then maybe Murphy wouldn't hate us so much?"

Meghan laughed, "Murphy would hate us anyway." She set her own sandwich down. "Talked to Liara, too."

Lex's blue eyes focused on her friend, "Has she turned up anything useful yet?"

Ella grinned, "Or did she just stare at you longingly?"

Meghan paused and stared at her, "I'm sorry...What?"

Ella snorted. "You. Asari. Catnip. She seems particularly interested."

Meghan put her sandwich down and spoke slowly. "What. The. Hell. Are. You. Talking. About?"

"Really?" Ella's grin widened. "You don't see it? If she followed me around with that baby-blue gaze as often as she does you, you'd already be planning my wedding just to piss me off."

"But... I... no!" Meghan stared at Ella, green eyes wide in horror. Ella almost choked on her last bite as she laughed too hard to catch her breath.

"Maybe it's a just a case of hero worship?" Alexis' wide smile belied her gentle tone. "I mean, you did save her from her own prison and all..."

Meghan looked from one to the other. "You two are crazy. There's no way. Next you're going to tell me the turian thinks I have a nice ass or the krogan thinks I have a great rack."

"Hey, my krogan." Ella stopped laughing long enough to give her friend a mock glare. "If he admires anyone's rack, it's mine."

Alexis ignored that odd statement and shrugged. "I'm not crazy, but we can defer to your xeno-sociology expertise in the matter if you like." She cleared her throat to bring the meeting back on track. "So what did she have to say?"

With a last look at Ella, Meghan flared open her omnitool. "She asked me a few questions about the visions and hinted it would be easier if she got to see them somehow. And she verified that the symbols definitely aren't Prothean." The 'tool focused in on them. "The horned one is the one that Vakarian said was familiar, but he can't think where he saw it. The other one seems to be a human corporation's logo."

Taking the last bite of her sandwich, Lex replied. "Maybe we can get Joker to add this to some of his searches. See if he can't find out anything specific about it. That might give us a clue as to why they were trying to move the beacon offworld without anyone's knowledge."

Meghan nodded as she finished her own sandwich. "Might as well put his surfing to good use. He's finding way too many disturbing things on the Extranet when we hit a Relay."

Ella chuckled. "When is he not finding something disturbing on the Extranet?"

"When he's busy working." The former gang-member grinned. "And I'll see if I can't get Vakarian to jog his memory about that symbol."

Alexis nodded. "Any update on those OSDs we picked up?"

Meghan shook her head. "Alenko says no luck yet. But he and Joker think they've gotten part of the key figured out, Vakarian has apparently been very helpful."

"Alright, that about covers everything except bringing me up to speed on your last few away missions. Who'd like to start?" She turned to Ella.

The brunette shook her head. "Being a Spectre is weird. I didn't have the evidence to arrest that Blake woman, but I absolutely could have gotten away with shooting her. It's a bit disturbing, that. The fact that Wrex went along with scaring her into staying out of our way rather than shooting her was also perhaps a bit disturbing."

"Wait, our big bad krogan merc preferred to let her go?" Meghan asked as she picked up her second sandwich.

Ella shrugged, "Or he doesn't give a shit? I have not figured out krogan facial expressions. But he follows orders, and he watches Tali's six, so I'm happy."

"And Tali?" Alexis prompted.

"Still in one piece. Magic with the tech mines. I am perhaps too hard on her, but that's better then her getting shot, so..." Ella twirled what looked like a noodle around on a chopstick.

Meghan chuckled. "Nothing like looking after FNGs on a hazardous mission."

"She's a smart, talented FNG." Ella sounded defensive around her bite of noodle. "But I'm so much better at scaring them than soothing them, I'm not quite sure what to do with her off mission."

"Sic her on engineering," Meghan smirked.

Ella laughed, "They've already adopted her. Or are taking turns courting. Not sure which yet." Alexis smiled in appreciation and then looked at Meghan.

Annoyance flared through Meghan at the memory of her last away mission. She snorted and tossed the end of her sandwich back on her plate. "Apparently, we were played. That diplomat that was worried about her sister? The sister wasn't ransomed, she was blackmailing her. I need to have a little chat with that blue bitch when we get back to the Citadel. Maybe I'll let Vakarian introduce her to his sniper rifle."

"Meg... " Alexis began, reproachfully.

Meghan's glare didn't abate. "I  _don't_  like being used, Lex. I am not a fucking gun to be aimed."

Ella stabbed something that looked like a mushroom with the end of her chopstick and waved it at Meghan. "Then introduce her to your own shotgun, don't get the turian in trouble."

Meghan rolled her eyes but Alexis chimed in before she could accuse her friend of being the pot. "You're a bright girl, Meg. I'm certain you can find a way to retaliate that won't involve starting a diplomatic incident."

Meghan crossed her arms and pretended to pout, but the corners of her lips kept trying to turn up in a smile. "Can't I at least hit her? Just a little?"

Ella grinned evilly in response. "Well, we do have to make sure no one tries to manipulate the new baby-Spectres, after all."

"Last ones who tried that with me are rotting in a turian jail." Meghan snorted. "Both he and Liara were pretty pissed, too. And I'm not going to get the turian in trouble."

Ella gestured again with her chopstick. "They don't have semi-Spectre immunity though. And your job is to keep your team out of trouble, not get them more in it. Not that you'd really make them do something you wouldn't, so I don't even know why we're talking about it. What are we talking about?"

"Beating up asari diplomats." Meghan's grin widened. "But seriously, Liara was suprisingly effective. It was like skeet shooting."

"Nice." Ella nodded in approval. "You should see the force behind a krogan  _throw._  I must admit, I do enjoy my team. They are good at blowing up mercs. Repeatedly."

"Between her Singularity and my Warp, Vakarian was just putting them out of their misery." Meghan broke off abruptly and shifted in her seat.  _Now is as good a time as any, I guess_ , she thought to herself.

Lex's sharp eyes caught her discomfort and put the remains of her own sandwich down. "All right, Meg, spill."

"Yeah, I was enjoying the relaxing memories of our skills at violence," Ella grumbled mockingly. "You're obviously actually thinking about something. Explain yourself."

"Liara brought up that it might be easier to help her with the evidence we've gathered if she could see what it downloaded into our heads."At both their annoyed looks, she raised her hands defensively. "I didn't suggest it."

"But you think we should do it," Lex prompted.

Meghan shrugged. "Do we really carry that many Alliance secrets in our heads?"

"Secrets or not, I'm not entirely comfortable with the notion of  _anyone_  poking around in my brain." It was Lex's turn to shift uncomfortably.

"I have no desire for it either. But we're at a dead end. How long till they hit another colony?" Meghan began dissecting the remains of her sandwich, pulling the crusts off, first.

Lex drummed her fingertips on the table. "And whatever was downloaded into our brains will somehow magically pinpoint Saren's next move?"

"I don't know what either of you have in your heads." Meghan shrugged with one shoulder. "Mine? Makes no sense. Maybe if one of us gets the other parts, something will jog loose."

"Yeah? And who wants to volunteer to have even more jarring imagery shoved into their brain? Because, whoever it is gets to babysit the ship whenever we go out if it really is the secret map to all of this mess." Her fingers drummed a little harder, making it abundantly clear to Meghan that she really didn't like the idea.

"Unless she can figure out a way to share among all three... well four of us? Not that I have any idea how that would work. Besides awkwardly." Ella laid her chopsticks down on her now-empty plate.

Meghan took a deep breath. "I asked her to figure it out. She thinks that worst case, she'll have to meld with us twice each. But she wants to see if she can figure out how to do it all at once but without sharing too much between us. You two don't need my memories."  _Blood, fire, screaming, Hicks! No!_

"Don't think any of us want extra fuel for the nightmare brigade, there," Ella stated quietly as they each looked down at their hands.

Meghan wondered, for the first time in a long time, what it would be like to have Lex's memories of her mother, or Elysium. Or Ella's memories of Mindoir and Torfan. Akuze and her own childhood had been bad enough. She cleared her throat around the sudden lump lodged in it. "On that positive note, Vakarian has an errand he'd like to run. Asked for my help."

Alexis nodded, seemingly relieved to have the change of subject. "I think we can spare the time if we're in the area. It's not like we're chasing down any leads. Glad to see you're playing nice at least."

"From the sounds of things, we'd want to take out this guy anyway. Doctor using people to grow black market organs." Meghan shuddered.

Ella swallowed. "Ick."

Alexis nodded. "He certainly doesn't sound like he should be running amuck in the galaxy. Just promise me that you'll try not to throw the book completely out the airlock."

"I'm being good." Meghan told her, putting down the last crumbs from her sandwich shredding. "Vakarian mentioned shooting the bastard out of hand. I talked him out of it so far, since we might need to backtrack the good doctor's route for victims, but the best laid plans never survive contact with the enemy."


	29. Colonial Affairs

_Meghan was running. She didn't know where to, she just ran. Her breath rasped in her throat and her feet pounded against the uneven ground, sweat making them slide in her boots. They were coming. Fast. She couldn't possibly out run them, but she had to. She had to get the word out, warn everyone. Garrus was suddenly running along beside her, breath wheezing as hers was. "Shepard, you have to get out!" he yelled between gasps._

_Ella ran on the other side of her and shouted, "Get out of here, Meg!" The mechanical zombies from Eden Prime chased them. "Find Lex!" Ella shouted as she fell behind and the zombies overwhelmed her. Meghan screamed and would have stopped running except for the turian grabbing her hand and dragging her after him._

_"You can't stop! Run, Shepard!" Meghan scrambled after him. "Find Alexis!"_

_The ground rumbled beneath them, tossing them both on their asses and Meghan stared in horror as a Maw erupted from the ground, roaring its defiance to the sky. She struggled to her feet and turned to help Garrus stand back up. Instead of his intelligent and kind blue eyes, she was confronted with the metallic glint of implants and the horned features of the rogue Spectre, "You can't win, Shepard!"_

_Meghan screamed._

And found herself on her knees in front of her sleeper pod, gasping for air, the comm in her unit squawking at her. She quickly hauled herself to her feet and hit the button for acceptance. "Shepard here." She couldn't disguise the fact that she was panting.

Joker's voice came over the comm. "Commander wants you in the briefing room ASAP, Commander."

Taking a deep breath, she told him, "I'll be right there." She quickly threw on her uniform over her tank top and panties and stomped her feet in her boots before running up to the CIC deck. The images from the nightmare kept flashing across her mind's eye. She knew they were coming up on the Kepler Verge to help Vakarian with his mad scientist problem, but not why Lex would be waking her during her only shift off call in the last forty eight hours.

Lex looked up from her datapad, Ella gave a wide yawn from where she sprawled on one of the chairs that Meghan clenched her teeth not to imitate. "Glad you could join us, Commander." The use of her rank instead of either of her names was clue enough that whatever she'd been woken up for, it was serious.

"What can I do for you, Commander?" Meghan said, easing into parade rest. Maybe the formality would keep her awake. Those chairs looked awfully damned comfortable. Her eyes felt like sand.

Ella made a slightly pained sounding groan. "You're making me feel old and decrepit with that standing at rest like that. Sit. I have coffee."

Before Meghan could respond, Alexis pressed a few buttons on her omnitool. The familiar chime of data successfully transferring to Meghan's own 'tool softly resonated in the room. "I've already had Joker divert our course. We lost contact with a colony."

"Fuck," Ella swore softly, shifting to sit up in her chair.

Meghan opened the data package she received and was immediately greeted with a twirling insignia at the header of one of the documents, the mysterious green symbol from Eden Prime.

* * *

Alexis stood beside the viewscreen in the briefing room, her cool blue eyes watching as her "soldiers" filed in. Her armored hands gripped the charcoal plates on her arms, the single red stripe snaking down the center of her right arm, while she waited, most impatiently. To her left, she could feel the flickering, uneasy biotic resonances of her fellow commanders, as on edge as herself. Finally, the door slid open and Liara hurried into the room, looking about with wide blue eyes while her hands fidgeted with one of the clasps on her Onyx armor. To say the asari looked uncomfortable would have been an understatement, but then none of the people assembled appeared relaxed. There was something unnerving and sobering about being abruptly told to report for a Mission Brief, in battle attire, and then to be met by the command crew also dressed out when the briefings were usually conducted in mess dress.

 _And probably looking exhausted as hell. How many pots of coffee did we go through?_ The thought blinked briefly through her mind, but Alexis paid it little attention, as there were far greater things to worry about.

"This is what we know," she started without any introduction, pressing a button on her 'tool that caused the viewscreen to come to life. A purplish planet spun about on the screen. "Feros is a relatively unpopulated planet, currently only housing a single research colony dubbed Zhu's Hope, funded by a private human corporation, ExoGeni. There are approximately 300 colonists living here." The screen changed from the view of the planet to an overview of the colony. "About eighty-seven hours ago, the colony went dark. Normally, this would not be a major cause for concern, but there were fleeting reports of geth activity in the system just prior to the loss of communications. We don't have confirmation that this is an attack, but I, we, think it's a safe bet."

The viewscreen briefly switched to satellite footage showing several smaller geth ships orbiting the planet. She paused for a moment, her eyes scanning the room and taking note of the serious and rapt attention being paid towards the viewscreen from both alien and human eyes. "Given the attack at Eden Prime, however, we cannot rule out the possibility that this is a secondary strike."

"Additionally, we've recently discovered that ExoGeni can be linked back to the Prothean device we do know was of interest to geth at Eden Prime," Meghan stated. Alexis glanced briefly to the Marine OiC while her dark red armored hands tapped a few buttons on her own 'tool. The screen switched briefly from the colony overview to the green logo that had been haunting the team since Eden Prime. "Despite whatever implications this suggests, we cannot positively prove that there is any sort of collusion going on between ExoGeni or the geth, and we must assume that any hostile activity is currently against both the colonists and any corporate staffing."

"Thank you, Commander," Alexis said with a brief nod to her friend. She then turned her attention back to the rest of the soldiers, the screen flicking back to the overview of the colony. "Our primary objective is to secure the colony and all survivors.  _No exceptions_." She paused again, to make sure that all present fully understood.

Ella took the pause to step forward slightly, her dark camo armor looking almost black in the dim room, and spoke. "Do we want to know what the geth are up to? Of course. We don't even know if these are the same geth who are working with Saren. There've been no reports of anything like Saren's monster flagship. Finding that out, however, or even going after Saren if he does show up, happens after we protect the colonists."

Alexis nodded briefly before pressing another button on her 'tool, and the screen shifted to a close up of the starport and what appeared to be a tower structure. "Joker is going to bring us in here. We are going to separate into three squads and proceed to secure the immediate area. None of the intel provided to us indicates any kind of defensive structures within this colony, and it appears that the main buildings are connected by a series of towers. This is going to leave us open and exposed, so everyone stay frosty while we move through, and watch each other's sixes. This place will be rife with chances for ambushes. Geth can lay in wait without giving off any of the normal telltale signs that a regular enemy might, making them formidable ambushers."

"They have giant flash-light heads. I'm sure that's bright enough to spot," Chief Williams muttered from her chair.

A nervous chuckle emanated from a few people while Lt. Alenko gave the Chief's chair a quick, sharp nudge with his foot to hush her. Alexis glared briefly at the NCO, who shrugged slightly at Alenko in apology for her outburst. "Commander," she said deferring the floor to the Marine OiC once more.

Meghan stepped forward, moving rather well despite the new, heavier armor she wore. "Alenko, T'soni, you'll be with the CO. Wrex, Tali, you'll be with the Flight Commander. Vakarian, Williams, you're with me."

* * *

Meghan Shepard hated the Mako. It was cramped, the interior smelled like dirty socks and engine grease, and the extra seats were so far back, if she wanted to have a clue what was going on, she had to stand behind the cab, braced uncomfortably against the seat backs with her fingers wrapped tightly around what she called the, "Oh, shit!" handle. Vakarian drove the unwieldy thing with Ashley trying to make sense of the navigation controls. The scanner didn't seem to differentiate between top and bottom, so the plans of the ruins seemed to stack on itself, making for a confusing read.

"Son of a bitch!" Ashley swore as the Mako took a hit from an armature so far away it should have been out of range. Another bolt followed hard on the first and Vakarian hit the thrusters, allowing the plasma charge to fly right under them. Meghan stumbled as the Mako landed back on its wheels.

"Warn a girl, Vakarian!" Meghan shouted over the pelting of energy bolts hitting the vehicle's shields.

"Thought you were supposed to be ready for anything?" The commander could hear the amusement in the turian's voice.

Ashley crawled out from her seat and Meghan switched places with her. She knew Ashley was headed for the turret. Since the Chief was a better shot than the Commander, Meghan took up the nav station, monitoring the LIDAR for the geth. Whenever they quit jamming it that is.

As soon as she got settled in the copilot's seat, Meghan discovered there was nothing to do while they were jammed. She couldn't pinpoint targets for Ashley, the Chief would have to use her own eyes. She couldn't tell Vakarian where to go while he was driving as he used the Mako as a defensive weapon all on its own.

She was bored. Boredom was never good for Meghan. Just for something to do, she asked the former C-Sec officer, "Ever have any interesting cases?"

He snorted, an odd sound from his narrow nose. "An elcor serial killer count?"

The commander turned to stare at him, "You've got to be kidding."

He jerked the vehicle and hit the thrusters to avoid another blast from the armature up ahead. Ashely managed to get off a shot from their big gun as they landed. "Nope, prior to that case, I didn't even think they had the psychology for it. Turians, humans, asari... strangely, not salarian or krogan. But, definitely not elcor. Until then."

He went on to describe how he'd tracked down the killer, him and a small team from C-Sec, of which he'd been the junior member. "Which means I went and got coffee and lunch a lot."

Meghan laughed, "The price of being the low man on the totem pole."

Garrus shook his head and lined the Mako up to give Ashley a clean shot at the next armature. "You're going to have to explain that one to me."

She laughed again and gave him a brief explanation, but without trying to explain the full history of a totem pole. "What else did you get to do?"

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as he jumped the Mako again. "My first solo case was a sick bastard by the name of Saleon."

"Yeah, you told me about him. We'll get him, I promise." Saleon had already made his way on to her, "Needs to die a slow, painful death," list.

"It's not just that he got away, Shepard. His victims deserve justice!" His dual-toned voice deepened with the strength of his convictions as he continued to express his disgust for the rogue scientist.  _My God, do all turians sound like this or is it just him?_

"So, what else did you do, Vakarian? Besides chase down assholes who like to cut up patients?"

He shrugged one shoulder, "After the Saleon case went bad, I was transferred to financial crimes for a while. To give me a rest, they said. Turns out, volus know ways to twist laws that even asari haven't figured out." She had to grin at that. "Those little bastards like to play games with numbers. I'd rather calibrate this Mako all day every day than crawl through those financials again. I thought I'd go blind with all the data I had to wade through." He continued to recite the list of financial double dealings the particular volus had been suspected of, a long list of victimless, white collar money laundering. Meghan realized she wasn't quite listening to what he was saying so much as just the fact that he was talking.  _Why have I never noticed his voice before?_

"Shepard? You all right?" The change in timbre startled her and she nearly jumped in her seat. Her eyes met his, his expression questioning, as he brought the Mako to a halt at the end of the skybridge and into the shelter of the building.

The comms squawked, static flaring into the silence, and she lunged for the controls. She heard Ashley climbing down from the turret to stand behind them. Meghan knew enough about the console to be able to try to triangulate the signal, or at least get rid of some of the static. She typed out a few commands, trying to avoid Vakarian's elbow as he steered the tank down some stairs. And the transmission became clearer.

"Wait!" Meghan yelled as the turian prepared to fling the Mako down another flight of stairs. The infiltrator slammed on the brakes, his three fingered hands quick on the controls.

"Now what?" He turned to look at his commanding officer, his cheekplates tight against his mouth.

"Shep?" Ashley asked, her tone more calm.

"Just listen."

Static flared, "Hello? Is anyone there? Is this thing even on?" Vakarian leaned over, causing Meghan to duck his fringe, and typed a few commands into the console.

Ashley looked over Meghan's shoulder at the map. "We're right on top of them."

"All right, we'll go investigate and give Ella and her team a chance to catch up after helping the colony." She leaned back and checked the readouts on her shotgun. "Hope Lex is having more fun fortifying them than we are cleaning out random geth emplacements."

Ashley checked her own weapon. "It's all target practice, Shep."

* * *

 _How in the hell did these people ever manage to hold off geth forces for three days?_ Alexis thought, as she surveyed what she had to work with. A freighter ship that had been jury-rigged into quarters and a medical facility. Several crates, and mostly burnt out and smashed pre-fab homes. Her mind still boggled at how these colonists had managed to survive given what was around them. Sheer, stubborn tenacity sometimes was all a group of people needed.

Despite their remarkable willpower, these colonists were exhausted, and until the other two teams could assess that the threat had completely been eliminated, Alexis and her squad would make sure that Zhu's Hope was capable of withstanding another assault by the geth. Which for the moment meant a lot of manual labor for everyone, including the colonists that weren't injured.  _And no biotics._

Liara had been taken aback when she had been instructed to avoid using her biotics. "We don't want to give these colonists any more reason to worry. Biotics are not common place for humans." The explanation sufficed enough for the asari to comply with the request, and she currently was across the open courtyard, helping two colonists shift some scaffolding into a makeshift barrier. Meanwhile Lieutenant Alenko was helping the local doctor assess the current medical situation. (Or at least whoever was posing as a doctor. It seemed that the last actual doctor had died during the previous round of geth attacks.)

Which left Alexis with Zhu's Hope leader, Fai Dan, as she tried to speed along the fortification process. "Sir, it would be much easier if you would let us move the freighter. We could-"

"That is out of the question, Commander," he said, quickly cutting her off with that infuriatingly monotonous voice of his, and only a slightly annoyed look on his face.

Alexis was about to reiterate the importance of protecting the last few survivors of the colony, but she caught the contemptuous look from Fai Dan's second Arcelia Silva Martinez and kept the opinion to herself. "Very well, Sir. My men and I will make do with what we can. I'll let you know if there is anything else we need to keep your people safe in the interim."

She then stalked off towards the direction of the freighter to see what still could be done around the colony. The longer she was at the colonist, the more it brought back old memories.  _"Look, I need everyone to remain calm, and we need to develop a plan of action," she ordered, resisting the urge to rake a hand through her blonde hair._

_"You're crazy! What we need to do is lock that door and wait for the Alliance to run off these four-eyed bastards!" a male voice shouted. Even now, she could barely make out his face from amongst the crowd. A concurring murmur erupted amongst the people gathered._

_Alexis frowned and moved closer to the door. "There won't be_ anything _left for the Alliance to save if we all just barricade ourselves inside our rooms and hope for the best. I'm going to go out there and try to save whomever I can. Anyone not too spineless is welcome to join me."_

It hadn't been the prettiest of speeches, and she always wondered had she not been insulting at the end if more than twelve would have joined her. Still twelve out of a crowd of a little more than a hundred refugees had been remarkable for volunteers, even if they all had some kind of background in defense. Yet, as she gazed over the sparse fortifications of Zhu's Hope that they had managed in the short time her crew had been working, Alexis was still amazed at the difference in attitude between those she encountered on Elysium and those of this much smaller colony.

Not all colony settlements entitled people to resort lifestyles it seemed.  _I wonder how many people have that uncomfortable misconception._

"Commander?" Liara's voice call out from where she was still trying to move the same scaffolding, alone now. The colonists that had been helping her had left to take care of some other task.

Alexis made her way over to the asari, who was looking rather fatigued. She motioned for Liara to grab hold of the scaffolding once more and lifted the other end. After a minute or so of heavy lifting and grunting, the two managed to settle the metal into place so that it could be used as a make-shift barricade if needed.

Flushed from the exertion and breathing a bit heavy, Liara wiped some sweat from her brow. "Thank you, Commander."

"Of course," Alexis nodded, before turning to look to see what else could still be done, trying to ignore the expectant expression on the asari's face. The Commander wasn't sure she wanted to answer any questions the archaeologist had.

"Have you known the Commanders long?" Liara blurted out as soon as Alexis' back was turned.

Alexis sighed internally. Sometimes, she hated being right. She was about to tell the woman no, this conversation was not one she really wanted to have, least of all here; however, the cursory inspection she gave the colony with her eyes showed that most everything had been tugged and pulled into place to offer the best chance of safeguarding people. "Yes, we've known each other for some time," Alexis finally replied after a minute, turning to face toward the asari once more.

"How did you meet? If you don't mind my asking, Commander."

Alexis' eyes sought out Alenko where he was now directing a few colonists in setting up a barricade. She realized she was seeking him out to watch whenever she wasn't concentrating on something else. She wrenched her eyes back to Liara, "We met in the academy. We were roommates. Why?"

Liara's eyes looked to the side, not meeting Alexis'. "I was just wondering how long you knew the commanders."

Alexis turned her full body and put her hands on her hips.  _She wants to know about Meghan but I'm not telling her a damned thing._  "Long enough. Come on, we have work to do."


	30. SNAFU

**_Situation Normal, All Fucked Up_ **

Meghan watch Ella climb the ramp to the Mako. It had been a long walk here for her team and then to have been greeted by Jeong and his thinly veiled hostility... Well... Meghan thought the officious bastard was lucky to be alive. It had taken every last bit of charm she possessed to talk Ella down from leaving an imprint of her armored fist on the guy’s jawline.

Garrus had set himself up to surreptitiously hack into the few computers the ExoGeni employees had managed to get up and running. Ashley joined Meghan at the barricades. “Now, all we need’s a deck of cards, Shep.”

“Damn, I knew I forgot something.” Meghan grinned at the other woman. The two settled in to wait behind the barricade, both their weapons ready. Vakarian seemed to be completely engrossed in his ‘tool, but Meghan doubted he was as distracted as he seemed. It was a long wait.

Jeong and Baynham, however, seemed to get more and more antsy as they waited. The company official seemed to be ranting about what Ella’s team would find and the scientist was worried about her daughter. But they weren’t keeping their subordinates calm. Meghan decided not to interfere when one of the office workers decided to have a fit of hysterics and attack one of the security people. It was a weak, ineffectual attack, the woman’s fists hitting the armored chest of one of the heavily armed guards. Ashley caught Meghan’s eye and the commander shook her head. Unless it got out of hand, that wasn’t worth them getting down off the barricade. Ashley nodded and turned her attention back up the passage. Tempers were fraying and it was only a matter of time before these employees turned on each other. Meghan just hoped Ella would get back before that happened. She didn’t have time to keep the peace as well as babysit them all. When the guard being assaulted, however, pushed the woman to the ground and drew her pistol to aim it at her, Meghan swore under her breath and pushed herself off the barricade, waving at Ashley to stay put. Someone apparently needed a lesson in personnel management. 

“Put your weapon down, now, ma’am. I will not tell you again.” Meghan heard the sound of another gun being drawn and realized Vakarian was standing next to her, his pistol trained unerringly at the spooked guardswoman. Shepard hadn’t yet drawn her own weapon. _Great... good cop, bad cop it is, then._

The guard rolled eyes wide with fear and tension at them. “She attacked me!” Vakarian made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat.

Meghan raised an eyebrow, “Really? An unarmed and unarmored civilian has hysterics on you and that’s an attack? Holster your weapon, soldier. Unless you plan on shooting her?”

Uncertainly, the guard looked from the barrel of the turian’s gun to the Commander's hard set face and back to the woman now sobbing on the ground. She straightened out of her stance and holstered her weapon. “Sorry, ma’am.” Meghan nodded to the guard and spun on her heel to confront Jeong and Baynham.

“If you two don’t settle your shit soon, I’ll settle it for you. These people need their leaders. Get your acts together.” They both opened their mouths to protest and Meghan made a chopping gesture with one hand. “I don’t want to hear it. The more you distract me, the more likely we’ll get overwhelmed with the geth when they do attack here. I suggest you work out your differences like adults.” Both their mouths open in shock, Meghan turned away from them and went back to the barricade. 

Vakarian followed her and took up a position with a good sniper’s vantage point. “I’m guessing since you’re here instead of playing on your Omni-Tool that you found something?”

“I got what I could out of their memory banks. You’re not going to like it.” His cheekplates tucked in tight against his jaw.

The commander glanced at the two remaining ExoGeni execs who were sullenly not looking at each other. “I already don’t like it. But don’t tell me here.”

“Understood.”

The executives’ silence had lasted roughly another couple of hours. Meghan rolled her eyes at Ashley who smirked in sympathy. Jeong eventually got a brief comm from his headquarters and started to pace frantically, talking to himself, with Bayham standing nearby, her mouth open in a mask of horror. Seeing her expression, Meghan edged closer and actually tried to listen to what the officious bastard was ranting about. “Total repurposing! Gotta clean house! Scorched earth, that’s the only solution!” Shepard glanced from Vakarian to Ashley. Both were focused on the ramp up out of the shelter. 

“What the hell are you talking about, Ethan?” Baynham demanded

His hands went to his head, “Everyone shut up and let me think!”

Meghan stood up and drew her pistol but kept it pointed at the ground, “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I think you need to sit down.” She kept her voice calm.

Julia Bayhnam, however, didn’t bother being calm. She lunged at Jeong, “You won’t get away with this!”

Jeong snarled at Meghan and ordered, “Get her out of here!” When Meghan’s only response was to raise an eyebrow at the order, he turned to two of the security guards and shouted, “Get her out of here!” The guards had no trouble complying

Behind Shepard came two simultaneous exclamations, Ashley’s voice shouting, “Hey, wait a minute!” And a strange woman’s voice also shouting, “Let go of her you son of a bitch!”

Baynham squirmed out of the guards’ restraint and ran toward the newcomer, shouting, “Lizbeth!”

Ella walked down the ramp casually after Jeong shouted at her. The krogan and the quarian following her. Meghan motioned for them to join Vakarian and Ashley on the barricades. Ella glanced back and nodded at them. Then both commanders turned their attention back to the executive. “I suppose it was too much to hope for the geth to kill you.” Jeogn said uncharitably. Ella clenched her fist. “I found some interesting facts about you, both of you, in the ExoGeni database.” He looked from Meghan to Ella, both of whom had crossed their arms and glanced at each other, then back at him. “I know what you both did on Akuze and Torfan, but your heroics aren’t needed here.”

“I’m not going to allow you to wipe out this colony,” Ella said, her voice low and menacing. Things went sideways from there. Despite her best efforts at peace keeping, the argument with Jeong devolved into a shouting match that ended with him yanking one of the guard’s pistols away from them and aiming it unsteadily at Ella and Meghan. Behind her, Meghan heard heavy boots on the concrete and heavy armor creaking as their teams redirect their attention from up the ramp to the cluster of colonists. 

It was Meghan who got to pull the trigger. She already had her weapon out, after all. When the guards took on an aggressive posture, she and Ella called up their biotics and could sense the thundering avalanche of Wrex doing the same. The guards dropped their weapons and backed away, their palms up. Ella straightened up from her stand and Meghan allowed her corona to dissipate. “Well, now what? Go after a bunch of colonists possessed by alien plants?”

The blonde snorted and holstered her weapon. “Pod people. Jesus. What next?” The two scientists had argued briefly, mostly the mother telling the daughter she did what she could. Meghan privately doubted that, but Lizbeth Baynhum was hardly the sort of resourceful individual they shoved into N training, after all.

However, they did provide them with the means to take out the possessed colonists. Vakarian and Tali used their technical skills to reconfigure their supply of grenades and then divided them evenly amongst the two teams. The commanders decided not to take from the supplies of this fortified little bunker, just in case Ella missed a few geth.

The Mako was cramped and more difficult to maneuver, but Vakarian managed. Meghan had been trying very hard not to be worried about Alexis while they’d been dealing with the Exo-Geni people, but now that there was very little to do, Ella’s report of colonists attacking the ship with their bare hands was disturbing. Alexis was supposedly safe inside, and Meghan had yet to hear of anyone who could tear through a space ship’s hull with their bare hands, but she had no idea what properties the Thorian imbued its thralls with.

~*~

“No, ma’am, I still cannot get a lock on to Bravo’s signal,” Joker said, sounding slightly more agitated than his normal charming gruff. “Whatever the geth are doing at that facility, it’s got Bravo completely blocked from any of our messages.”

Alexis did her best to squish the bubbling worry in her stomach, as she and her squad stood removed from the rest of the colony of Zhu’s Hope. They had finished trying to fortify the colony, and now they had been waiting on Bravo and Charlie to return from their investigation further inland on the planet. “Is there anything we can do from our end to help?”

There was a snort from the pilot. “Unless that colony has some kind of direct comm. link with those buildings, probably not, Commander.”

“Right, I’ll see what I can dig up here. You keep working on punching a signal through to Bravo,” she ordered as she signed off her comm.

“So what’s the plan?” Alenko asked.

Her eyes flicked over to him and Liara, both of whom had been downing some energy drinks in the brief break, before glancing back over to the colonists. “I’ll go talk to Fai Dan again, and tell him what I need from him.”

“Do you really think he’ll help though, ma’am?” Alenko pressed. “The colonists I spoke with earlier weren’t keen on offering up assistance.”

“Neither were the ones I spoke with,” Liara added, as Alexis turned to face her squad once more. “I am no expert in human mannerisms, but there is something that seems quite different about them. And, based on the looks I saw toward the rest of the teams, I suspect that it had little to do with my being an asari.”

Alenko nodded in agreement. “They’re downright strange, Commander. I’ve heard tales of some colonies not appreciating outside assistance, but everything we’ve done has been met with suspicion or outright refusals. They have no trained medical staff at this point, and they refused to let me even run diagnostics on their wounded.”

Alexis bit back the sigh of exasperation. “I know. I know. There was something just off about how Fai Dan and the others spoke, but I don’t really have any choice. We’re not just going to wait around and hope everything is OK with Bravo. If these people have a way to contact the ExoGeni buildings, then they _will_ open up their communications suite with us.” She felt a flicker of dark energy trail down her arms, but she pointedly ignored the sensation.

“And if they don’t, ma’am?” Alenko countered.

She arched one brow at him, but he didn’t seem to flinch from her semi-glare in his direction. “Then they don’t, Lieutenant. We won’t know if they do or not if we just stand around here doing nothing about the situation.”

“I’d just be careful about how you ask them for their help,” he advised.

“I don’t intend…“ she stopped in mid-sentence, as a sickening moan emanated from their right. Drawing her assault rifle, she spun quickly towards the noise and began moving towards it. She came around the side of a large crate, Alenko and Liara at her rear, to find some twisted greenish-grayish _thing_ struggling to what could only be construed as its feet.

“What is that?” she heard Alenko mutter from behind her as she kept her sight trained on the creature. Several other green pods – no creatures – began to make that same moaning sound as they too rose from their position on the ground.

Alexis steadied herself as she interposed herself between the rising creatures and the rest of her squad. With a relatively hushed voice, she started, “Get back to the coloni---“

Her orders died on her lips as a rallying cry from Fai Dan resounded from his perch on the far end. “Protect the heart of the colony!” The sounds of several more of those creatures began to squeal in the air, and the colonists tucked into position behind their new fortifications and opened fire on Alexis and her squad.

Fortunately, the crate offered enough protection for her team to duck behind as the bullets ricocheted off the make-shift barrier. At the same time, the creatures to their right were almost fully upright, and Alexis did not want to find out what exactly they were or how much damage they could wreak. If they were anything like the last, half corpse looking creatures they ran into, they would be far deadlier than she’d care to find out about close up and personal.

“Get back to the Normandy! Now!” she shouted as she made a quick motion in the direction of the creatures that were started to race towards her. Biotic energy flew from her fingers, slamming into the creatures, and throwing them into each other and into the far wall. She let out a burst of suppressive fire at the creatures as she backed away from the creatures. “Move it, people!”

If there was any hesitation left for Alenko and Liara, they did not let it show to the commander as they beat a hasty retreat towards the tower that led back toward the loading dock. Both of the other biotics flared their _barriers_ to life as they ran, helping to deflect the incoming fire from the colonists while Alexis felt her own shields gradually weaken as she followed after them. Still behind her, she could hear the continuing wail of those creatures.

Slamming the button to refresh her shields, her team ducked into the tower, eliminating the ongoing fire from the colonists, but the wailing persisted. Alexis stopped briefly to heave another throw at the corpse-like things before jumping atop the railing and hurdling over the side of the stairwell. Belatedly, she tucked into a slight roll as she leaped down to minimize the impact and felt a twinge of pain shoot through her left knee. Ignoring it, she sprang back to her feet and watched as Liara and Alenko made it around the last bend towards the _Normandy_.

Alexis hurried after them, managing to make it halfway down the final stretch before a clawed hand snaked forward and grabbed one of her arms. Between the surprise of being grabbed and the sheer power behind the motion, she found herself tumbling to the ground while some greenish goo slopped down around her. She half turned towards the creature as she reached for her pistol when a sudden wash of dam-breaking biotic energy flooded past her and into the creature.

The sheer ferocity of the attack tore the creature asunder while muffled shouts could be heard from the tunnel. Backpedalling on the ground as she tried to rush back to her feet, she felt a strong hand help lift her up. With a bit of an unceremonious shove, Alenko pressed her momentum back towards the airlock of the _Normandy_ while he followed up behind her. As they reached the airlock, shots renewed in their direction, and she quickly ducked into the protective canopy of the ship where Liara waited.

Turning around, Alexis checked to make sure Alenko had stepped in as well, but she was surprised to find that he had stopped just outside of cover. _What the hell is he doing?!_ Panic raced through her for a moment, and she immediately reached out and yanked him into cover just as she felt another surge of his biotics get released.

Alenko stumbled into Alexis as he crossed the threshold of the airlock, the door slamming shut behind him. In the sudden silence and safety of the decontamination chamber, she found herself staring into the depths of his brown eyes as the VI of the ship welcomed them aboard, their bodies pressed against one another. With the surge of adrenaline waning, she could feel his chest rising and falling, even through the armor, seeming to echo the pounding of her heart, and despite the previous exertions, she felt heat in her cheeks. _God, how I could_ \---

“Commander! I’ve got Bravo’s signal!” Joker called out from the bridge, enabling her to force the thought from her mind. From outside the ship, a muffled howl of frustration sounded accompanied by the repeated slams of fists against the armored plating.

Tearing her eyes away from Alenko, Alexis extricated herself from the lieutenant, ignoring the tightness in her throat, and hurried from the airlock to the pilot, brushing past Liara. “Patch them through, Joker.”

~*~

Fighting mindless colonists and creatures that stank like rotting vegetation and overcooked cabbage was no one’s idea of a good time. Meghan’s adrenaline sang through her veins, making everything sharp and clear and fast. The Alliance upgrades every soldier got, and the few special ones N’s, especially Vanguards got, made the rush just a bit more addictive than it had been when she was growing up. She leaned against a wall, panting, as she and Ella tried to figure out how to take out the largest, most heavily fortified group of colonists. “Remind me to get Alexis to design the next set of fortifications we have to build. Did she have to do such a fucking good job?” Ella snarled, flexing her wrist that she’d come down hard on to get a better angle at throwing a grenade at the last batch of colonists. She’d charged up the ramp ahead of the teams as they dealt with some sort of slimy vegetable things that ran up to them spewed acid. Ella’d dumped a grenade down the back of the colonists shooting at them.

“It certainly would have cost the geth to take this colony,” Meghan agreed, checking the overheat meter on her shotgun. It was their teams’ jobs to keep the Creepers, Meghan’s nickname for them, off the two commanders as they raced around trying to knock out each emplacement of colonists.

“Ready?” Ella asked, palming several grenades. 

“You got it. On your six,” Meghan responded, putting away her shotgun and doing the same. Non-lethal tactics. Right. She glanced back at the big krogan whose job was to be their living shield and just keep the Creepers off their backs. The big alien nodded and checked the overheat readout on his shot gun. Tali’s job was to protect the approach to the sniper perches Vakarian and Ashley had taken to cover them better. 

Meghan knew Wrex thought it was a waste of time and far too risky to save the possessed colonists, but Ella had somehow been able to talk him down. Watching the smallest of the three of them face down the hulking alien and get him to listen had been an entertaining experience. Between the two of them, Meghan and Ella managed to incapacitate the colonists. Meghan only had to resort to her fists once when one of them managed to get too close for comfort. She and Ella stood grinning and panting at each other when the last one fell. Vakarian and Ashley got down off their sniper perches, and Wrex and Tali put up their shot guns.

Fai Dan’s suicide had been startling and unexpected, but they couldn’t waste time. The heart of the colony needed to be investigated. “I’ll take Wrex and Vakarian,” Meghan told Ella. “When they come to, Ashley and Tali are a lot less threatening to wake up to than a turian and a krogan.” 

Ella snorted, “You’ve got a point. But are you sure you want me to be the one to explain things to them when they wake up? I’m generally the scary one, remember?”

Meghan laughed, “You were a colonist, Ella. I’m sure you’re better at walking in their boots than I am. Just try not to shoot anyone. And listen to Williams, she’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

"I know that. Afraid to leave your favorite NCO alone with me? Think I'll steal her away from you?” Ella grinned.

“Hah,” Meghan responded. “You’ll drive her nuts first.”

“If she survived you, I doubt I’ll make her crazy.” Ella snorted softly. “Go, kill nasty plant monster. I hope it smells better then its zombie things.”

Meghan wrinkled her nose, “Somehow, I doubt that. I’m just glad my olfactory senses aren’t as developed as either of theirs.” She jerked her thumb back at the two aliens who’d be accompanying her. She slapped Ella on her shoulder. “See ya on the other side, Shepard.”

Ella returned the slap, “Not if I see you first.” 

Meghan laughed again and gestured for the vanguard and the infiltrator to follow her. She paused at the top of the stairs and glanced back at them. Both had expressions of distaste for the stench even she could smell emanating from the lower floors. “I am never eating cooked broccoli or Brussels sprouts again,” she vowed under her breath.

“You have _food_ that smells like this?” Wrex demanded. “You humans are strange.” Garrus widened his cheekplates in a grin as Meghan shook her head ruefully.

“Remind me not to invite you for dinner. C’mon, let’s move before more of those rotten plant things jump us.” She took point, her shotgun at the ready.

 _Creepiness, thy name is Prothean. My God, didn’t these people ever make anything pretty?_ Ugly, flat grey stone surrounded them, enclosing them on all sides. The tunnel opened out into some sort of huge tower with a hollow center. At least, it was supposed to be hollow. Meghan froze in her tracks just inside the doorway, her eyes widening. Behind her she heard Vakarian, “All right, we just need to find this creature and determine what it... what it... This was not covered in my training manuals.”

“Nothing’s ever simple, is it.” Meghan bit off the last word tersely. 

“We’re going to need bigger guns,” Wrex rumbled behind her, and she choked off the urge to laugh. The massive alien plant stank like things rotting under the earth, things that should never see the light of day. And here it was, dripping moisture and slime, hanging onto the walls of the structure. While they stood there, dumbstruck, the massive rounded structure with what looked like a mouth with tuberous feelers around it, convulsed violently several times.

Along with an even stronger stench of putrid vegetation that made Meghan swallow the urge to gag and the two aliens make involuntary sounds of disgust, a sickly green asari in full combat leathers dropped to the floor. Slime sloughing off her, she regarded them blankly for a moment. Then, the knowledge of ages slid into her gaze like a heavy weight and Meghan felt the hum of biotics like a torrential waterfall slide along her nerve endings.

_Oh, shit._


	31. Interlude: Best Laid Plans

A small, black, empty room. Even the footsteps of the young man stepping briskly through the only door seem muffled, hinting at expensive sound-proofing. The dark-haired man pauses as the door slides shut behind him, blowing one short breath out in a worried sigh before smoothing his hair and yanking down his suit jacket. He lifts his chin, slightly, then steps into the center of the room.

The holographic interface lights up, a cylindrical red grid caging him before the light flows up his body. The rest of the room disappears in favor of an enormous star filling the distance, and one man sitting in a chair, a drink in one hand and an old-fashioned cigarette in the other, his eyes glinting an impossible shade of blue as he watches his 'guest'.

"Explain something to me." The older man speaks up slowly, and only after taking a careful sip of his drink

"Yes, sir?" The younger man's eyes focus, not on the holographic image of the man's face, but the wavering tip of the cigarette, ash building slowly, not yet ready to fall.

"Why, with all our resources and one of the best intelligence networks in the galaxy," the voice is calm, steady, but the young man swallows as he listens, his adam's apple bobbing visibly up and down his neck, "are we always three steps behind a single rogue turian terrorist?"

"Well he's not working alone, what with the geth, and the ship and the Ma-" the young man's voice is slightly breathy, until the glare aimed in his direction inspires him to stop suddenly and swallow again. "Right. Not what you meant. Sorry sir. He seems to have intel from our, uh, friends in Exo-Geni. Sir."

"So, our own company, doing our research, has sabotaged our intel? A leak? ASSISTING A TURIAN?" For one brief moment the man's calm facade cracks, his eyes narrowing and his voice rising, his bubbling rage visible for an instant before his mask of control falls back into place. "And how did that happen? And what are you going to do about it?"

"Um, me? Sir?"

"Do you not have an answer ready for me?" He carefully taps the ash off his cigarette before taking one long drag, a puff of exhaled smoke accompanying his next words. "I'm very disappointed in that. I expected better of you, Marcus."

"Of course, sir, sorry sir. I'll have a complete answer for you by the end of the day."

"You do that, Marcus. Make it good. Very, very good."

"Right." Marcus gingerly holds up the OSD case in his hand. "Did you want the current tracking details for  _Persephone_ forwarded to the usual address or - "

"That is not an intelligent question Marcus. I do not put up with people who refrain from using the skills that originally brought them to my attention. Have I given you any reason to suppose I would wish my standing orders regarding  _Persephone_  changed?"

Marcus shakes his head briskly.

"Then, don't change them." One hand shifts slightly, placing his glass down and waving a finger across a small discreet console. The holographic communications suite closes down without warning, leaving Marcus standing alone in the dark. One very quiet, "well, shit", whispers through the room before his footsteps start again, turning him back towards the exit.


	32. Dear Mama

Sorry I haven’t written you a proper letter in so long. I even had a bunch of down-time for awhile, wandering the galaxy for non-existent clues, but I couldn’t seem to figure out what to say. The Universe is being extra crazy lately, and I’m not sure I’ve got my feet under me.

Would you believe me if I told you machines build altars? All on their own? For themselves? Yeah, having trouble with that one myself. And it’s not like the other two who saw the thing care. Wrex hopes it means they’ll be easier to intimidate, if they’ve got something to live for, and Tali wants to burn them all to mechanical ash and goo regardless of what else they’re up to.

Can’t really blame her, but...

I think there may be more to it, and I’m not sure what, if anything, to think about it. Lex’d just shrug, and Meg, on a bad day, would say good for them, now He’ll have someone else to screw over besides us. And that’s not what I want.

Not that I have a clue what I do want. Besides obviously some quality distraction for my brain. 

They took out a colony, Mama. And almost got Meg.

See, now you know why I’m writing you again. To deal with the suck. I’m just not sure where to start.

So, I told you all about the whole Spectre thing, and I just have to say... the Council is useless. They say we’re their elite left hand, but they don’t _do_ anything. We don’t get much intel, we don’t get resources, we barely get paid, but oh, look, we can legally buy all sorts of things we couldn’t before. To spend all that money we don’t have. Or if we do have, they don’t want to know how we got it. 

And people wonder why Saren went rogue. 

Well, you don’t, obviously, cause you’re dead, so one hopes you’ve got a better view of all this from your side of things. Too bad you can’t write me back one of these days, explain some of it to me.

God, I miss you. This would be so much easier perched on a counter, taste-testing one of our newest concoctions. I miss fucking kitchens.

Yes. Fucking. Fucking in kitchens, even. That’d probably help my mood. Oh, don’t give me that Look. Papa used to rat you out all the time. You were just as vulgar as I am. Where I got it from.

Anyways. Dealing, right. Not avoiding. I can do this.

No I can’t.

Shit. Yes, I can. I’m a grown up. 

So, there we were, cruising the galaxy doing random clean-up shit for the Alliance and the Council, cause no one could find Saren, and we get forwarded an alert that a colony dropped off the radar. Total communications blackout. They’re a corporate colony though, not a public one, so technically the Alliance can’t go check it out unless the parent company invites them. Which Exo-Geni was NOT doing. Someone clever in the Ambassador’s office, (voting for Anderson, obviously, not anyone Udina picked), decided Spectres didn’t have that particular red-tape issue, and told us, and we dropped everything and headed to Feros.

Where the geth were the least of our worries.

Not that geth aren’t bad news all on their lonesome. All the buzzing and beeping and creepy white goo for blood and lots of shooting at us. And apparently building churches. (And we found some intel on-site that apparently they’re building up some bases out in the Armstrong Cluster, so that’s now on our to-do list.) But Tali’s really good at helping them explode, and Wrex is really good at beating up everything, so no real worries, and definitely better than the Thorian. Which Exo-Geni sic-ed on its own colonists. Disgusting, that. Sometimes I hate people. (The guy on sight who approved that little maneuver? Don’t have to worry about him any more. Meg made sure of that. Fucking moron, waving a gun around a bunch of trained soldiers. We shoot people for that.)

I am so angry at Exo-Geni, Mama. Sent a message along to Anderson about what they were up to, hopefully he can start a proper official smack-down.

If not, I might take shameless advantage of this Spectre situation and just go blow up their headquarters. Because using innocent colonists as test subjects on alien-plant-based mind control? Having to watch the guy in charge kill himself because he couldn’t handle what it made him do? There are no words for how horrifying that was.

And we think the geth are monsters. Not sure about that one. We do worse to our own then anyone else ever could. 

Well, maybe the batarians, huh? 

But, no four-eyes on Feros. Just a highly disturbing ancient plant monster.

And the SMELL. Dear God in Heaven, Mama, the smell. I feel queasy even now, and I’ve taken five showers to get rid of the stench.

And there is not the slightest twitch from the med-bay. I’m keep scowling at the windows, and nothing. No news. And even I can’t handle another cup of hot chocolate while I wait. 

Damnit, this is making less sense than usual. Normally I write to you and my brain figures things out better, but this time? Not so much.

I’m just worried. We’re trusting Liara with Meg’s brain, after all, and how trustworthy is she, really? We haven’t known her that long, and it’s not like she’s a melding expert. She’s a damn archaeologist! Who we’ve turned into a soldier, sorta, and is our only chance at helping Meg’s head.

Right. Thorian. Giant plant thing with mind-controlling spores.

No, wait, this might make more sense if I back up a bit.

As near as our techs can figure, the Beacon on Eden Prime was taken apart for shipment. It was being shipped by Exo-Geni (yes, same one, though we’re not sure what they’re up to), and it looks like E-G was going to snatch the Beacon away from the planned joint-Council task force and keep it to themselves. However, Saren got some sort of remote transmitter on all three pieces, and got the message off the beacon while he was safely off sight. (We happened to be on sight at the time, and got the message too, in our bits and pieces. Or that’s what the techs think happened, now that they’re done with the logs.) Said message is in Prothean, however, so it apparently didn’t make much more sense to him, even though he got it in all one piece.

So, Saren found the Thorian. (He seems to be following Exo-Geni around? That’s a creepy thought.) Ancient sentient plant-thing, that’s old enough to have known the Protheans (and eaten them, or something), so it knows how to think like a Prothean. Yeah, I don’t get it either. Fucking creepy. And we killed it, thank god, and rescued an asari it had half-eaten, who said she could give us The Cipher, the way Protheans think, learned from the Thorian, just like she’d done for Saren.

And of course Meg, the Prothean expert, was right there, and all “ok, I can handle it”. Shit. She looked like crap, too damned pale, her neck wasn’t working, and she moved like her head was too big. Vakarian was helping her stagger back to the damn ship. Proof she wasn’t all there, she didn’t give him crap for it. That’s just not normal.

So we get back, and the colony’s sort-of ok now that the Thorian isn’t messing with their heads, and the geth are all gone, and Shiala (the previously mentioned half-eaten asari, poor lady) promised to stay and help them get back on their feet, and we skedaddle back towards the Citadel, but Meg is obviously getting worse, and we’ve got the damn asari right here giving us her big-blue-wide-eyed-worried-stare-thing, so yeah. We’re letting her mess around in Meg’s head to get the Cipher settled so she doesn’t go crazy or leak blood out her ears or something.

And I’m stuck out here waiting to see what happens. Lex is holed up in her cabin waiting too. Probably playing music to distract herself, just like I’m writing to you. We’re nothing if not predictable.

Waiting sucks.

And that’s the warning chime for shift change. Gonna go pretend to work for awhile. Hope I’ve got some good news for you later.

love you Ma

~*~

Thank fucking God.

Ok, yeah, that was a little blasphemous, even for me. Sorry. But Meg’s all snarly and stomping around again. Which is lovely.

Liara did her thing, and Doctor Chakwas checked her out and cleared her, (physically healthy at least), and The Admiral called and said there were some missing scientists, and could we pretty please try and track them down for him, so...

Back to work already. No Citadel visit for us. Meg’s insisting she’s fine, and says she’ll take the next ground team, and if Lex is really all worried about her, she’ll take Alenko along and he can be Team Nurse or something. 

I totally want to see the man in a little white hat now. It’d be cute. He’d probably blush. He is almost as much fun to embarrass as Robert was. And he’s not nearly as prone to complicated plots of revenge after the fact, either. He walks the high road, and just shakes his head or raises an eyebrow at me. 

Yeah. Even I can’t drive him crazy. Meg can’t do it either. That’s some high class mental fortitude. He and Lex are perfect for each other. Hope this cruise ends well so they can, you know, admit that to each other out loud or something.

Anyways. I am a lousy matchmaker. I’ll jinx it or something. But they’re just so cute at morning coffee, her blonde head leaning towards his dark one, voices soft as they try not to gaze into each other’s eyes... 

Yes, sorry, really stopping this time. I think I snickered out loud there, Quinn gave me a funny look as she got some coffee.

Liara says she thinks the vision is particularly unstable for all of us because we only have part of it. (Why The Cipher made Meg so sick, too... it was looking for stuff in her brain that wasn’t there. Cause it’s in my brain. And Lex’s. Or something.) So, we’re gonna try the whole asari-meditation-meld thing. Liara’s finishing up her research, and we all get to be all mentally touchy feely at the end of the next shift.

Yay. Not.

No offense to my girls, but I don’t really want to share what’s in my head with them. And I really don’t want to share with some asari I barely know. Hopefully she’ll manage to keep it to the Beacon shit. And if she doesn’t, double hopefully I can keep me and my thoughts (and thus everyone following them around) out of the boxes The Raid is in. Cause no one else needs to go through that again. Including me.

Crossed fingers, knock on wood, toss some salt, you name it, I’ve done it today. Moreau made fun of me and the salt one, since he caught me at it at lunch. He’s not letting an almost stranger poke around in his head though. Jerk.

Not really. But sorta. Pilots. You know.

And thinking about it too much is making me slightly queasy with nerves. Me! I don’t get nervous, I get mad. Usually. Definitely nervous this time. Damn Protheans. Damn asari. Damn the whole fucking galaxy.

I don’t mean that. Obviously. Just. Sometimes? Wonder what we think we’re gonna accomplish. Murphy hates us, after all.

That is not helping, is it? Nope. So I should just knock it off, huh. Yeah. 

Wish us luck, Ma. Love ya.

Ella


	33. Errors in Judgment

Why had she never noticed how cold and dimly lit the Med Bay was? And why did they all smell the same. Sterile, chemical, metallic. The floor was hard, her ass was already going numb and she had goosebumps. Though, she wasn't sure if they were from cold or tension. She met Lex's eyes where she sat across from her. The other woman frowned at her and shook her head slightly. Meghan shuddered, her skin crawling up her spine.

She sat cross-legged in their circle, her stomach twisting. The first time with just Liara had been bad. This promised to be worse. She glanced at Liara, and swallowed her anxiety, then Lex and Ella. She lifted her eyes to see Chakwas hovering and Kaidan frowning, his thick eyebrows drawn low over his eyes. Halfway through his question, "Are you sure -?" Liara told them, "Hold hands," and wrapped her cool, thin fingers around Meghan's damp palm. Ella's familiar, darker skinned ones folded over her other hand. She met Lex's wide blue eyes and Liara ordered, "Embrace Eternity!" And Meghan fell, down and sharply to the left.

> Agony wracked through her body as a loud screeching sound of metal against metal filled her mind.  _Flesh, wires, circuitry. A metallic carapace._ They were one, they were separate. Her heart beat in time with the others, with the universe. She floated.Images flashed rapidly through her mind, like a searing brand, the metallic screaming rising in volume.  _Synthetics. Geth?_ Countless depictions of metal twisting, merging with organic tissue.  _A massive dreadnought_.  _Destruction. Perfection._  The shrill noise reached a crescendo, and then everything stopped as the world faded to black. Bright sunlight streaming through a window, the impact of an open palm across her cheek, rage flooding her system.  _No! Don't hit back!_ A large room. Obvious pre-fab construction, crates and barrels hiding in the shadows of the upper loft, the spicy dusty smell of Mindoir hay filling the air.  _Mama! No!_  White flowers in a blue skinned hand.
> 
> She, they, tried to focus on the sun, ignoring the screams of rage and defiance echoing between her ears. Flashes of red light bled across her vision, obscuring the star. The world jerked as pain radiated down her spine, and an odd metallic circle spun through the shadows before her. And then the brightness disappeared completely, covered by the black of deepest space. The chill invaded her bones, the ache intense enough to overwhelm memory and thought, her mind succumbing to cold despair with one last shudder before she fell into darkness. A woman's body, outlined in white, burning, brilliant, bright, a star searing the eyes.
> 
> She stood alone on a glassy plain. Was this Eden Prime in some far future? Or near future? The ground warped painfully and she blinked. And opened her eyes to broken and twisted towers below her. She seemed to be standing at or near the top of the tallest tower looking down on charred corpses and mangled bodies. Her people, dead. She turned, pain lanced through her again and she screamed silently as images of people, everyone she'd ever met, lay dead and bleeding. Akuze, gunfire, smoke, explosions, pain! Familiar hands gripped her waist and chocolate brown eyes stared down into hers, glassed over in death, the full lips twisted in a grimace of agony, blood fountaining from his mouth.

_Soft voice, strained to breaking, "Something's not right!"_

> Space. Cold, black, stars sharp as ice, a dangerous path, leading to one star in particular, brilliant, bright. Then fading, softening, a moon surrounded by different stars, warmer, twinkling softly on the far side of a planet's atmosphere. Dark hands smoothing down the front of a pink dress, (very pink, a shot of embarrassment, smothered by old, soft sorrow), a soft laugh in the background, rich and warm. Feminine. The crunch of gravel, heavy wheels turning under an old-fashioned wheeled truck. The scent of summer, insects in the grass singing. The rev of the engine whined up in pitch, higher and higher, a wail of metal twisting, changing, screams of almost-human voices, shouts of rage. Flashes of red.
> 
> A bright green vortex flashed bright, nerve ends flaring in shock as the field picked her up, pulling her body painfully, impossibly, in every direction at once. Space filled her mind until she could see nothing else, one bright star shining through the darkness.  _She tried to put him back together, she tried, but she had to leave she had to protect..._  
> 

_"By the Goddess!"_

> Stroking over her scalp, her tentacles parting under the gentle touch of grooming fingers, the itch of growing skin abating under the scratch of cool digits, the lap she rested her head in comforting, floral scented, motherly. Agony screamed through her muscles again and shot through her mind. One thought raced through clearly, _save Hicks!_ Blackness overtook her and there was no more pain, no more fear. Just nothing.
> 
>   
> _Because your father's dead._  It had been delivered with that same distant, officious tone that she had been quite accustomed to, but it did its trick. The  _Commander_ 's daughter fell in line, walking at parade rest, and followed her mother to the waiting air car so that they could discuss things more privately. An uncomfortable pause filled the air, which only served to tighten the knot in her stomach. "There's not going to be a funeral."
> 
> Regret. Straining to turn, to  _see_ , but the memory goes the other way, the wrong way, feet lightly running across dry grass, balanced on her toes to avoid catching her heels on the uneven ground, a haphazard wave towards those she's leaving behind. Anderson, her Shepards, Alenko, even that smart assed pilot and the newly met chief all lay at her feet, dead, broken, burnt.
> 
> The open palm struck her face before the last of the words had left her mouth, and she was forced to fight her every instinct to reciprocate the action tenfold.  _She is not worth it!_  her mind shouted even as another flare of biotic energy lit the room.
> 
> _Goddess, look at how uneasy they are! Do they still mistrust me because of my mother? Mother, what have you done?_
> 
> He set her down, gently, and she stared up at him, her eyes wide, wanting to trust that the gentleness wouldn't be a lie this time. This time it'd be different. Blue eyes met hers, their corners crinkling into a smile. His blond, straw-like hair stuck out from his head as if he'd been running his fingers through it in irritation. "Come on, honey, time to get cleaned up. Be daddy's little Princess." Her heart pounding, she forced herself back up on her feet, before her father could grab her. His blue eyes were ice as he advanced on her. She ran around the other side of the table and squeaked as he nearly grabbed her. He only succeeded in ripping the strap of her dress. Blood stained the counter and streaked down the metal front cabinet in a trail to his head that now lolled on his shoulders. She grabbed a handful of her hair and sawed at it with the knife. As each lock tore free, she threw it onto the pink dress and grabbed another. "No more."

 

"No more!" Meghan shouted out loud. She felt her nerve endings flare with biotic fire. She opened her eyes and wrenched her hands free. Her stomach writhing more, she made it to her knees and crawled a few inches away to empty her stomach onto the sterile floor. Hands were there, suddenly, and she flinched away, curling up to cover her head.

"Meghan?"  _Voices. Who's voices? Run, needed to run, Daddy was coming._ Heart pounding, mouth dry, hands clammy. "Commander?" Man's voice. "NO!" Scream, push away, rush of tingles as biotics flared,  _protect!_ Pinprick on her neck, tiny pinch, darkness.

* * *

Her head still swam from the sudden swarm of information even after the connection had been severed. Muffled voices drowned out from the shrill screaming.  _Sorrow, regret._ She raked her fingers through her hair, almost shocked to feel that the locks were still there.  _No, the bastard was dead._  Another round of metal screeching loudly filled her head _,_ and she squeezed her already shut eyes tighter.  _Dead. Just like…_

_My father's dead. That sanctimonious bitch._  The cold knot of rage tightened in her stomach as the haunting words echoed in her mind, and Alexis' eyes flew open.  _Something's wrong._  Her vision doubled for a moment, and she saw the dark shapes of people moving something large. Ignoring the searing pain in her mind, she forced herself to her feet.  _What the fuck just happened?_ she wondered as her eyesight finally adjusted to normal.

Lt. Alenko was settling a now unconscious Meghan on an exam table, and Dr. Chakwas was already running scans with a very concerned look on her face. Ella had managed to get to her own feet already, and was standing at the foot of the exam table, her dark fingers gripping the edge tightly. Meanwhile Liara was scrambling to her own feet, tears streaking her face. Alexis tasted acrid bile at the back of her throat, but she swallowed it back down and grabbed hold of the icy ball of rage in her stomach.

"Get out."

Alexis wasn't sure if it was her or Ella that barked out that order. Hell, it may have been both of them, but the room grew still. Alexis, however, maintained her focus on Liara, who was frozen in place with a mix of grief and bewilderment on her face.

After several deafening moments of silence, Alenko moved from the exam table over to Liara, frowning. Grabbing her by the elbow, he quietly escorted her from the room, her slender form stumbling slightly as she left, her head twisting around to stare at the too-still form of the Marine OIC on the exam table.

It wasn't until the door to the room swished quietly that Alexis shifted her attention over to Dr. Chakwas who was currently glaring at the two Commanders who were still present. "She's fine Commanders. She's resting. I'll let you know when she wakes up."

Despite the officious tone of a medical officer wanting people to vacate, neither of the remaining Shepards even moved towards the door. "What happened?" Alexis demanded.

"Perhaps one of you should tell  _me_ what happened," Chakwas said, still staring pointedly at both commanders.

"Not what was supposed to happen." Ella glared indiscriminately at Meghan, Chakwas, and then turned to aim her discontent at the door Liara had disappeared through.

"I would certainly hope this wasn't the intended outcome. The Commander will be fine, but she needs to rest. I would suggest that the two of you get to the bottom of what did happen," Chakwas motioned towards the door again.

Alexis frowned, still feeling the gnaw of her anger. "She shouldn't be alone when she wakes up."  _Especially not in a medical facility._

"And I will be here for that reason when she wakes. Now I suggest you both leave unless you have pressing medical concerns of your own." The rather cool, final dismissal from the chief medical officer only served to heighten her anger, and Alexis promptly turned on her heel and stalked from the room.

Ella's angry hiss followed her before the door slid closed behind her. "Her eyelids even start to flutter, you make sure you get one of us in this room with her, got that, Doctor?"

Once outside the medical bay, Alexis quickly saw that Alenko and Liara were over in the mess hall, both watching the door rather anxiously. Liara half-started when she saw the two commanders, but Alexis only glared, fighting the urge to run over and demand her to explain what went wrong. "T'soni. My quarters.  _Now._ "

If there was any kind of protestation or objection, Alexis never heard it. She went straight to her quarters ahead of Ella, figuring that the other vanguard could frighten the asari into showing up if there was any hesitation. She raked her hands once more through her hair while she waited on the door and footsteps to indicate the arrival of the others. Sure enough, within moments, the heavy stomping of boots could be heard followed by much softer tapping.

"What the hell happened in there?" Alexis demanded as she turned around to face the asari and Ella, the door barely shutting before she bellowed out the words.

Liara's blue eyes widened. "I... I don't know, Commander," she stammered out.

"Try and figure it out, T'soni, or you're not going to continue being worth the air we're wasting on you," Ella suggested coldly from behind the scientist.

"But I..." Liara paused and glanced from Alexis to Ella before straightening up slightly. "This isn't an exact science." She put her hand to her forehead, "It wasn't supposed to go that deep. Please believe me when I say I don't know why it did." She dropped her hand to her side and looked from one commander to the other again, "I had no desire to intrude upon anyone's minds." She swallowed, "Will she... will she be all right?"

"If she's not we'll let her take it out on you." Ella scowled.

Liara's jaw dropped, "She...she wouldn't, would she? I didn't intend for this to happen!" She looked at Alexis, "Please, tell me the visions are somewhat clearer?"

"Why don't you tell me? You're supposedly this big Prothean expert, who  _assured_ us that if you could just see what was going on, that you'd be able to make sense of this drivel. So, why don't you start fucking analyzing what you now have in your own god damned brain as to not have made this a complete and utter waste of time." Alexis clenched her fists into tighter balls as she held her arms under her breasts still. Had her mind not felt completely drained and exhausted, she expected that she would have been fighting biotic impulses as well.

Liara closed her eyes as if trying to think. "I see... symbols. The prothean language.. It's..difficult to make sense of. They're symbols I haven't seen too often before. I'll need to stu-"

"God fucking damn it. I knew better than to go along with this idea," Alexis bitched, cutting off Liara who opened her eyes again.

"No! It's just... I'll need more time to analyze it."

"Do a really good job, T'soni. And keep it to yourself. Or you're a liability." Ella leaned in to whisper to the scientist. "I was serious about that air comment."

"Keep what to myself? I wouldn't dream... She'll be all right, won't she?"

_"I was protecting you." The Commander's voice, cold and officious._  

The voice had snaked its way back into the forefront of her mind, but Alexis ignored it and took a step closer to the asari, dropping her voice in the process. "She won't be if you ever breathe a word of  _anything_ that you learned today. So do your damned job, figure this beacon shit out, and keep your mouth shut in the process."

"I'd suggest not even thinking too hard about anything beyond Protheans, myself." Ella added.

Something steel-like seemed to snap into place and Liara straightened up enough to glare back, "I would never hurt Meghan Shepard."

"I'd worry less about Meghan right about now, and more about that pretty little head of yours. Now run along and get to work." Alexis stepped closer still, looking Liara dead in the eyes as she did so. She had stared down far colder blue eyes than Liara's. A momentary flicker of icy energy radiated through Alexis' spine.

An echo of biotic energy resonated in the background for a moment, like water pooling in a reservoir, but that was where it stopped. Liara's eyes narrowed slightly. "For what it's worth, Commanders, I am sorry." The words sounded stiff but genuine enough. Liara then silently left the room, hopefully to go back to her terminal and not stare longingly over Meghan's bedside.

Ella scowled at the door after Liara left. "Fuck, I want to hit something."

Alexis brought both thumbs to her temples, applying ample pressure as she stared up at the ceiling. Even now, she felt her arms trembling from her own need to pummel something, anything. She just wanted to fucking forget about everything right now. 

_"It's the truth, Alexis. Accept it because it isn't going to change."_

"So, what did," Ella started to say before Alexis could no longer hear her friend's voice, as it was drowned out by the that synthetic scream that had haunted her since Eden Prime. The sound made everything in her head ache more, and she closed her eyes in hope that it would pass quickly.

A hand on her shoulder made her practically jump, and she found herself staring into Ella's dark eyes, looking concerned. "You still there?" Not trusting her voice at the moment, Alexis just nodded slightly. "Look, your mother is an idiot, and when I die, I'm going to find that bastard in hell and kill him again."

_Fuck you, Murphy._ Alexis never heard Ella leave until after the door shut behind, but it didn't matter. She needed to be alone anyways. Drive away the noise. And the memories.  _And fuck you too, Captain, and your god damned truths._

* * *

Ella glared at the very locked door to medbay. Chakwas still wouldn't let her in. Lex obviously needed some alone time to squash her own rage down to manageable levels, which left her, here, with nothing to do to counteract the roiling maelstrom of nauseous rage in her gut. If she tried to spar, she'd probably forget it was practice and try to kill someone.

_Probably not the best way to avoid my nasty reputation rearing its ugly head again. Plus, get in trouble for killing someone. And be annoying if they were better than me. Wouldn't feel better at all, either way._

_Need a place to be out of the way. Don't have quarters. Damn if I'm going to lock myself in a tiny sleeper pod._  Ella shuddered slightly, the faint tremors of old, faded, mostly ignored, claustrophobia crawling out of the depths of her disturbed subconscious.  _Managed not to think about that mid-melding, certainly not doing it now._

"Miss you, Robert," she whispered softly.  _His hand, tight around her wrist, pulling her back into the house as she screamed and fought. "Let me go!"_

Turning on her heel, Ella let her feet decide for her, ignoring the sudden urge to cry in favor of slamming her boots on every other stair as she headed up to the CIC.

"Comm -"

Ella held up a hand, shushing the pilot mid-word as she slid into the co-pilot's seat, tucking herself as far down as possible so she could pretend she was somewhere quiet, and private, and alone. "Fuck," she muttered softly.

"Are you - " Joker started again, but she cut him off again. "Shut up, Moreau."

"No," he scoffed. "What the hell's your problem?"

"Fucker needs to still be alive so I can kill him properly," Ella snarled before slamming her head back against the chair, scowling up at the ceiling.  _And I need to never run into dear old Hannah Shepard, or I'll get in trouble for striking a superior officer. Again._ "Why the fuck do I keep telling you shit? What's up with that, seriously?"

"No idea. Something broken in your head, obviously."

Ella snorted in agreement. "At least I had some good before the crazy, you know? There's some normal holding together all the broken bits."

"Eh, you're not that broken. I know broken." Joker shrugged slightly, carefully not looking at her as she snickered softly. "Just a little crazy. Nothing wrong with a little crazy."

"Pot, kettle, again?"

"Exactly. Who would know better then me?"

"Probably no one." Ella sighed softly. "Thanks."

"For what?" Joker shot her one quick side-long glance, a small smile flashing across his face. "Calling you crazy?"

"Yeah, actually. Most people don't bother."

"Most people are morons, Shepard. We've had this conversation before."

"And probably will again."

"They do keep thinking of new ways to be stupid, don't they?"

"Or reusing old ones." Ella finally uncurled, her legs stretching out under the console, her elbows resting on the chair arms. "Why are so many people so fucking horrible?"

"Dunno." Joker's fingers paused in their eternal dance across his terminal. "This back to the fucker you want to kill properly? Mind if I ask who?"

"I don't, but he's not my bad guy." Ella shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"Ah. T'Soni not as precise as she hoped, I gather."

"Stop being smart. You're gonna figure out shit I shouldn't be telling you."

"Sorry, genius here, can't help it."

Ella's laugh was more light-hearted then her last bitter snicker. "Try, k? Before someone gets annoyed at me for over-sharing."

"What, you're the one with the blabber-mouth. I won't tell anyone. I can keep my mouth shut."

"Really? Never noticed that, myself."

"There's lots of things my mouth can do you've never noticed."

"And that's my cue to pretend I didn't hear that and leave before I have to get you in trouble." Ella surged up out of her chair, pausing briefly as she passed the pilot's seat. "Thanks, Joker."

"Anytime, Commander," Joker whispered softly as she left.

She certainly wasn't in a smiley happy mood, but she oddly didn't feel like hitting anything anymore. Or sobbing. Or jumping out an airlock to avoid the potential difficulty of walls closing in at any moment. That was nice.  _In fact,_  her thoughts slowed, matching pace with her footsteps as she took the stairs one at a time for once.  _I think I'm actually hungry. Which gives me an idea..._

"So, what's your favorite food, Alenko?"

"Pardon?" The lieutenant looked up from the console he'd been working on at the junction to the turn into Marine Country, and blinked at the Flight Commander in surprise.

"I'm playing with the 'chef. She's been rather cooperative lately, and I wanted to thank you for guarding our lunatic biotic asses during T'Soni's experiment. And not asking any questions when it all went sideways. Figured I'd try and get it to make you a treat." Ella grinned at the marine, shifting slightly on her feet.  _I am not shamelessly using you to distract myself from other people's shitty memories that I feel horribly guilty for eavesdropping on, nope, not at all._ "Favorite food."

"That's not nec -"

"Course not. Said I wanted to though. Spit it out."

"Breakfast or dinner, then, Commander?"

Ella blinked in surprise, trying not to laugh as Alenko raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for her answer. "Breakfast might be fun, actually."

"Sweet corn pancakes."

"They're not the same without real maple syrup. Sure you want me to try that?"

"You asked for my favorite, not my most reasonable." He shrugged very slightly. "Up to you."

"Got a second choice? Just in case?"

"I think turian syrup might be less fatal than a turian clambake."

"Ew." Ella couldn't help snickering at that one, though she felt a little queasy even at the thought. Not that that was an unusual reaction. As the fourth biotic on the crew, and the only other person she'd met who also actually liked to cook more than shovel in meal bars, they'd spent an inordinate amount of time hanging out in the mess talking about food, and trying to figure out the worst of all things to try and get Julia to make. "Dextro-chowder does sound like a very bad idea..." her voice trailed off slowly.

"You want some corn on the cob now, don't you?" Alenko's smile twitched slightly with suppressed amusement.

_Oh god, what would that turian bitch think was a good analogue to corn on the cob?_ "You are such an older brother." Ella briefly considered sticking her tongue out at him. "You act all nice and protective, but take secret glee out of making me sick to my stomach."

Alenko's smile burst into a short bark of laughter, which he managed to smother under a slight cough and a hand over his mouth. "Never, ma'am. Inspiring a superior officer to throw up on me would not be a good way to end the day."

"But you'd nurse me back to health, wouldn't you?"

"I'd... uh.. help you get to sickbay?"

"You do not know how to flirt at all, do you Alenko?"

"Not particularly. Ma'am. Especially not with officers."

"Even the ones who blatantly don't mean anything by it like myself?"

"Even then." Alenko shrugged, a very slight frown creasing his brow.

"What, you didn't think I meant it, did you? I just can't help it. I'll flirt with Williams, too, if it'll make you feel better?"

"It's not me, or Williams... " Alenko trailed off and shrugged again. "Nevermind, Commander."

"You sure?" Ella felt her own frown cross her forehead as she stared at him. "I can behave if I've crossed a line, Lieutenant, but I need someone to tell me where, as I haven't noticed it myself."

"You're fine. Forget I said anything."

Shepard snorted. "Not bloody likely, but I won't bother you about it more right now. Let me know if whatever it is looks likely to be a problem, Lieutenant."

"Yes, ma'am." Alenko's nod was picture perfect, almost a salute in and of itself.

"You actually will, won't you Alenko?" Ella shook her head slowly. "I have no idea what we did to deserve you, but you are one of the best officers I've ever worked with. Thank you."

"Same to you, ma'am. All three of you." A hint of a blush crossed the Lieutenant's cheeks, but Ella refrained from mentioning it. Could just be embarrassment about the compliment. Could be worry over the 'failed experiment'. Could be related to the fact that he was  _very_ good at watching Lex's six, and had been thinking more about just her than all three of them but didn't want to say so, or it could be something else entirely. No reason to rock the boat.

Yet.

* * *

Meghan opened her eyes to the dimness of the Med Bay. She was curled on her side, her hair out of its bun, her biotic metabolism having purged her system of the sedatives fairly quickly. "Commander?" A soft, cultured voice broke through her haze. Chakwas came into her line of sight. "Let me get the Commanders Shepard."

"No."

Chakwas came back and crouched down in front of her, "Are you sure? The commanders left explicit orders to get them as soon as you woke."

The emptiness inside her was comforting, but she didn't want to see anyone while it was the only thing she felt. She knew it tended to scare her best friends. Her vision clouded and the skin under eyes itched, then burned. "Can you tell me what happened, Shepard?" the doctor asked gently.

Her voice wooden and emotionless, Meghan replied. "I remembered the first person I ever killed." She forced herself to sit up, grabbing the edge of the table when the room threatened to cant sideways.

Chakwas' eyes were kind, when Meghan could finally meet them. "So, no not really, I can't tell you." Shepard closed her eyes. She needed to put things back in their place before walking out of this room, but she didn't think she could do it under the watchful eye of the doctor. "But thanks. I - need to be alone."

The grey-haired woman's eyes were kind. "As your doctor, I advise against that."

Meghan let out a short laugh, "It's the only way I know how to deal with things, Doc."

Chakwas pulled herself up onto the exam table next to the vanguard. "It is all right to lean on others, Meghan."

The marine looked at the doctor out of the corner of her eye. "Pretty to think so." She climbed down off the table, her blonde hair spilling down her back and her mess dress somewhat rumpled. She swayed slightly on her first step, her knees wanting to bend, but took another and then another and then it was easier.

But then the doctor was in front of her, between her and the door. "Sit down before I relieve you of duty, Marine." Meghan blinked at her owlishly. It was the fact that it took her a moment to process the order that made her pull herself back on an exam table as much as the tone the order was delivered in. When she complied, Chakwas continued, "I want you strong and walking through that door as much as you do, but this isn't the way to go."

"What do you want me to do?" The floor was grey. Uniform tiles. How many patterns could she make?

"I want you to sit here and let me get the Commanders. Or at the very least, just rest." Her tone was irritated, exasperated. Meghan just nodded let her eyes make patterns out of the deck plates, trying to keep her mind quiet.

It wasn't long before the door opened and Ella came through, her brown eyes locking on her immediately, her pretty features drawn into worry. Chakwas took one look at them and quietly left the room. The other vanguard pulled herself up next to Meghan and put her arm across her shoulders, over the golden fall of hair. Meghan leaned her head against Ella's and blinked back the urge to cry. "How much did you get?"

"More then you'd want me to, I'm sure." Ella sniffed lightly and leaned her head on Meghan's.

"You saw it, didn't you."

"Part of it, yeah. Wish I'd been there to tear him limb from limb so little-you wouldn't have had to. Sorry."

Meghan pushed away, took Ella's arm off her shoulders. "I'm glad I killed him. If I hadn't, I'd still be there. Whored out. Broken. Dead. Dead in so many ways. And I had to do it. No one else. Because that wouldn't have fixed me. If I hadn't killed him, I'd still be his 'Princess.' It had to be me." She looked at her friend out of the corner of her eye. "You got to be happy. I envy you that, El."

"You could never be dead like that, Meg honey. There's too much life in you. Too much spark that you never see. But no child should have to go through what you did, and no one that age should have to defend herself, body and soul, like that. I'm glad you did. I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad you're here."

"Thank you, I'm glad I'm here with you and with Lex and I'm glad those bastards didn't take you. But since he'd gone on so long, El, I needed to be the one. I needed to walk out and not be afraid any more. Only his death and my responsibility for it, could accomplish that." Meghan leaned her head back on Ella's shoulder.

"I know. That's why I'm sorry. And proud. And likely to cry on you if we keep up this conversation. Just warning you. And you know damn well I do not cry pretty." As if for emphasis, she wiped under her eyes, careful not to smear her eyeliner.

"Does anyone? Where's Lex?"

Ella straightened up and snorted, "Apparently those vid-chicks have figured out how to cry pretty. And Lex is giving Chakwas a polite third-degree, making sure you're really all right. Cause she's mom, after all."

"'Mom' is probably not going to like the large dose of my childhood. I know I didn't like what I saw of Hannah."

"No one likes Hannah. I suppose that could just be me, but I really don't think so. And I don't think any of us like sharing our deepest darkests, now do we?"

Meghan nodded then, swallowed nervously. "How much of Akuze did you see?"

"I felt it hurt. Heard someone scream. Smoke. Acid. Nasty place, Akuze."

"Certainly not a vacation destination. I didn't get much of Torfan, by the way."

"I tried to move the nasty boxes to the back of my brain. Just in case. Mostly worked, even. Thank that asshole shrink from back at The House."

Meghan's mouth twisted wryly. "I thought I'd done that, too. The shrinks would be disappointed."

"Ah, my shrink was back when I was young and impressionable. Quite a few more years of practice, after all. And hey, feel free to make fun of my lousy taste in dresses when I was 16, if that makes you feel better."

The blonde vanguard laughed. "I'm just surprised you wore dresses!"

"What, I wear dresses every time I have shore leave. Not pink ruffly ones anymore... "

"I know. Just didn't realize why, before. Just thought you were weird."

"They're pretty wasn't good enough? And easier to dance in? Since I am not a quality dancer."

"You're trying to keep that childhood happiness with you." Meghan blinked. "That was far too insightful for me. I need a drink."

"I'm sure we can convince Lex to break the contraband locks for one day for this one. And you're much more insightful then you give yourself credit for. On a semi-regular basis, even."

"What will Lex do?" The third vanguard asked, a hesitant smile on her lips as she paused just inside the room.

"Come over here, give us a hug and let us get shitfaced," Ella replied.

The commander crossed the room and Meghan held her arms out for her friend. For a brief moment, they all just stood in each others' embrace. Meghan felt some of her terror and anger seep away back through the cracks back into the depths of her memories, the pieces of the barricades she kept her childhood and Akuze behind rebuilding themselves, brick by brick. She was the first to straighten up and met Alexis' eyes. "Your mom's a bitch."

"Among other things, yes." Her eyes slid sideways, away from Meghan's face, Lex-speak for,  _I don't want to talk about it right now._

"Don't go closing up on me, Lex."  _Cracks, widening_. "I can't handle you pulling away right now. I'm sorry I leaked my childhood all over you."  _Fear, fighting to be free._ Green eyes met blue, pleading, afraid. The Marine OIC attempted to keep the tremble out of her voice. "You shouldn't have to have experienced that."

"Don't worry about me. Just focus on getting yourself back in order." Lex's eyes came back to meet Meghan's. Though she appeared to have put herself back together, too, Meghan still felt like there was a wall there. It hurt to see.

Ella swore under her breath as she looked from one to the other. "Oh, knock it off, both of you. Just because Lex doesn't want to talk about her bitch of a mother or relive her failed excuse for maternal compassion doesn't mean she thinks it's your fault your father was a slimy cesspool of a failed excuse for a human being. I recommend alcohol, and no discussion of untimely death allowed."

"Unless it's Saren's."


	34. Heroics

The nightmares were becoming more and more frequent, especially since that melding incident with Liara. Sometimes, it was just recalling the bits and pieces from the beacon, or all too vivid memories that clearly weren't hers. Other times, it was just the far too familiar nightmares from her time on Elysium, made worse by the reminders helping the colony of Zhu's Hope had brought. The headaches were new though, and they were the reason why Alexis had forced herself out of bed and to the med-bay during what constituted as night on the  _Normandy_. 0228 hours to be precise. It at least meant that no one should be milling about in the med-bay at this hour, and she didn't need to mind the fact that she was essentially still in her pajamas. (Even if those barely differed from her work-out clothes.)

The door to the med-bay swished quietly open, and it took a moment for Alexis's eyes to adjust to the darkness in the room as she entered. The room was empty, save a single dark figure lying on one of the beds.  _That's right. Lieutenant Alenko has been out of commission for the past eight hours due to one of his migraines_. She silent cursed to herself for forgetting this before she left her quarters, but - despite that tidbit - she proceeded over to the cabinet banks where Chakwas kept the various medicines, pointedly ignoring the half impulse she got to go check on him. That would be crossing that hypothetical line that they were dancing around.

 _Get drugs and leave,_  she reminded herself as she opened one of the cabinets. Except, she had no clue where the medicine was, and she could barely make out the labels in the dark (as the dim emergency lights only lit the edges of the walls and doors).  _Fuck_. Her plan to make this quick was evaporating fast. Squinting in the dark, she began to rifle through the first cabinet's contents, looking for the standard pain reliever so her head would stop hurting enough so she could start reading more reports.

"Next cabinet over. Second shelf."

Alexis jumped slightly at the sound of Alenko's warm, yet slightly groggy, voice. She felt the familiar flush of heat across her cheeks, but at least this time, it was more from the fact that she was embarrassed from obviously waking him up, and not the fleeting thought of waking up to that voice. She quickly shut the cabinet in front of her and followed Alenko's instructions. At the front of the second shelf, she spied the familiar bottle of medicine.

"Uh, thanks," she whispered to him, dosing herself out two pills before setting the bottle back in the cabinet. She frowned slightly, "How did you-?"

The sound of feet hitting the floor filled the air briefly. "Because you and the other commanders have been routinely complaining of headaches since Eden Prime. If it had been the problem with Julia, Chakwas would have been in here instead."

"Oh," she said, feeling a bit dumb. She half turned to the sound of him walking over towards her. She palmed the pills and just stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say or do. "I'm sorry for waking you…"

The lieutenant stopped to stand in front of her. In the darkness of the room, she couldn't even see his face, but she could still tell that he was staring at her, and the vague feeling of discomfort struck her as she recalled what she was wearing. "You didn't wake me," he said plainly.

She felt a flicker of agitation. He didn't need to be polite about it in the middle of the night. "Lieutenant…"

"Commander, I've been asleep for hours and haven't eaten since breakfast. You did  _not_ wake me." His voice was a bit rough still as he spoke.

If anyone else, save her Shepards, had spoken to her like that, she would be beyond annoyed; yet, she didn't find herself annoyed at him right now. "Regardless," she started, her voice still low, "you don't need me bothering you right now."

She half moved to start back out of the med-bay, but a warm, gentle grasp around her wrist stopped her. The soft tingle of biotic energy skittered between them, like ripples across a clear, still lake, leaving a trail of goose bumps up her arm. "You're not a bother," he said, rather direct, his voice that same low quality from their hypothetical discussion some weeks back. It took what self control she still had to not physically react to that sound.

"Dr. Chakwas said you had been pushing yourself too hard lately, and that you needed the rest, Ka- Lieutenant." She caught herself before she got too informal with him. It was bad enough that they were having any kind of discussion like this.  _It's like a bad romance novel. Midnight meeting in the dark. Hushed voices._ His calloused thumb gently brushed against her wrist, quickening her pulse.  _Inappropriate contact. Does he realize what he's doing?_

"I'm fine, Commander. I've long since learned to manage my migraines." His thumb continued to trace a small circle on her wrist absently, completely distracting her from pretty much everything, including the throbbing in her temples. "Besides, I'm not the one raiding medicine cabinets in the middle of the night rather than sleeping."

"It's just a headache."

"Must be a hell of a headache to wake you up," he said softly, his warm voice tinged with concern. For a flicker of a second, Alexis imagined his free hand moving to gently brush the side of her face. But, he didn't do that; his hand wrapped gently about her wrist stayed the only contact between them.

The fact that she was imagining more contact was very bad, especially given the ramifications for anything of the sort. She gently pulled her wrist away from him, "No, the nightmare woke me up."

"Nightmare? Again?" he asked, sounding a bit surprised.

She blinked, glad the darkness could obscure her own surprise, mildly scolding herself in the meantime for mentioning the nightmare to begin with. "What do you mean, again?"

"You alluded to one before. Shortly after Eden Prime," he explained.

"Huh, so I did…." Surprise finally did tinge her voice, since he remembered that obscure part of a simple conversation.

"If you want to talk about it, Ma'am, I'd be willing to listen."

She shook her head, even though he wouldn't be able to see the motion. "No, it's ok. I'll be fine."

"And getting two, maybe three hours of sleep a night is fine?" His voice sounded doubtful.

"I'm not big on sleep."

Kaidan didn't reply to that; instead, they stood in silence for what felt like minutes. She was about to come up with a lame reason to excuse herself when he spoke. "Just wait right here."

She raised a brow slightly, taken aback slightly by his words. "What?"

"Just, I'll be right back. Please stay?" he asked, but he never waited around for a reply. He walked off, and out of the room, stopping only briefly to slowly turn up the lights in the room so there was a dim light instead of darkness. It was all very puzzling, especially since her headache was reminding her of its presence, with a pounding vengeance. She finally popped the pills in her mouth and forced herself to swallow them down. And then she waited.

Several minutes passed (torturous minutes since she could not puzzle out what Kaidan was up to) before he returned, carrying two mugs and what seemed like a handful of powerbars. He headed straight over to her, and handed her one of the mugs. "Coffee," he explained, having seen her quizzical look. "One cream, one sugar."

She smiled a bit at the fact that he knew exactly how she took her coffee.  _It's not like you haven't been having your morning coffee with him almost every day. Even if it's shop talk most of the time._ "Thank you."

Kaidan quirked that half-smile she was beginning to adore. He then looked at her rather intently, as he set the powerbars on the counter near them. "About the nightmare…"

She sighed slightly and shook her head before taking a sip of the coffee. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"Is it the beacon?" he asked anyways, his whiskey colored eyes gazing intensely at her.

"No. Not this time," she replied, seeing a flicker of emotion in his eyes.  _Sorrow? Guilt?_ She suddenly felt a flutter of nerves and tucked some hair behind one of her ears.

"Then what?" he pressed. "I know that I'm not one of the commanders, but whatever is bothering you isn't going away. Maybe it would help to talk about it?"

"Talking about it has never helped before," she answered a bit evasively.

"What? The Blitz?" he guessed.  _Damn, I must be too easy to read,_ she thought to herself, looking down to the mug in her hands. It was certainly a sign that he must have guessed correctly. "Why don't you like talking about it?"

Alexis stared into the mocha colored liquid in her hands for several seconds, mentally debating whether she really wanted to let this discussion happen. She finally took a deep breath and looked back up. "Because I spent the better part of six months after having to recite what  _they_  decided the  _official_ story was."

"Do you disagree with how  _they_ presented things?" he countered.

She shrugged slightly. "Yes, and no. I get that they didn't want to freak out the general public with the truths of what it was really like during the attack, but they glossed over so much. And then they slapped my face all over the victory and wrote out exactly what I could or couldn't mention. So that they could have their victory and their hero."

"You still helped save that colony," he pointed out before reaching over and taking one of the powerbars he brought. Having been the starving biotic before, she paid little attention as Kaidan wolfed down the bar.

Once he had finished the first bar, she replied to his statement. "I was just doing my job. What I would hope any soldier would do."

"You might have just been doing your job, but weren't you there on leave?" he asked, with a bit of a knowing look. "Some people would say that's going above and beyond."

She shook her head. "I happened to be at the right place, at the right time. Or maybe it was the wrong place, at the wrong time," she scoffed. "But there were plenty of people who also stood up to help. It wasn't just me. There were several members of an Elysium private defense force who stepped out to help. Some local police, and a handful of other soldiers I stumbled across that had been separated from the rest of the troops stationed groundside. The rest had been effectively cut off and routed while the pirates pillaged the main facilities of the colony. None of that makes me any more heroic than the others who were there; the others who fought."

"And? You still scraped them together and did what you could. Not everyone can just step up to that kind of situation and lead. You saved a lot of lives by doing what you did," he said, with hauntingly familiar words that she had heard before.

Except, the words still failed to make her feel any better. "I made a lot of mistakes that cost people their lives too."

"We all make mistakes. I think you're being too hard on yourself."

She gave a short, bitter laugh. "No, I did some things that were downright stupid. Broke rules that I knew better than to break because I felt I couldn't wait around to determine a better course of action. There were plenty of things that I could have done differently that might have made a difference for someone else."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow questioningly. She sighed slightly and set the still mostly full cup of coffee on the counter. "For one," she started. "I had to ignore the fact that some of the less fortunate citizens of the street were bartering their safety with the lives of their neighbors."  _Please, Miss, Please! They took my daughter, traded her to the raiders! You have to do something!_ Ignoring the pleading voice of the man she could still hear, she continued,"I didn't have the resources to police the general populace  _and_ fight off the raiders. So, I turned a blind eye. Those people were no better than the slavers. How many more people went missing because of them?" she asked.

"You said yourself that you didn't have the resources. You can't blame yourself for what other people do in a bad situation," he said, placing his own mug on the counter.

"But I never really stopped to consider if there was something I could do."  _Howls of rage filled the air as we made our way through the streets, dodging the rocks and other small items the beleaguered citizens flung at the soldiers trying to save them, but who ignored their current plight._ She shook her head to try and force the images away. "And those people needed to be protected as much as any one else. But, that's… that's not even the worst of what happened," she admitted, glancing down to her hands.

Tanned hands took a hold of hers gently. They were warm, and he gave her a slight reassuring squeeze. "All right, what was the worst?"

She swallowed, her throat feeling dry, still staring down at their hands. "It was still fairly early during the raid, maybe just five hours or so had past, but enough that the raiders had already sent out a few waves. They were so spread out in the city that it was hard to know where to go next." Even now, she remembered hurrying about the streets, trying desperately to figure out where they were needed most next. Demanding from the local militia any information that could help. "I needed a way to route them in one direction, when we came across what seemed to be an abandoned district. It must have been one of the first ones hit. The buildings were all built up along side each other, and there was this warehouse, right in the center, full of textiles and a bunch of other combustibles. I ordered the men with me to get that fire going as quickly as they could, while a few of us made sure that the internal fire suppression system was busted. Within minutes, we had that warehouse blazing, and it didn't take long for the fire to start spreading to the rest of the structures."

_Smoke. Black and billowing. Thick and suffocating. The fire quickly raged out of control, and in the distance, alarmed shouts in some alien dialect. Then the renewed sounds of gunfire. A sharp whistle to the men staring up at the blazing building. "We're moving!" I hollered, hoisting the rifle in my arms as I moved towards the sound of the nearest gunfire._

"Then we left. And I left that area to burn without a second thought. It wasn't until the summary reports given to me at the debrief that I even found out about charred remains from that district. No one said anything, but it was impossible to tell if they were people killed by the first few incursions of the slavers or if they were survivors hiding away that got trapped by the fire I started." There had been pictures in the debrief. Blackened corpses dragged from the still smoldering ruins. Nothing left to identify much of whom they were. She continued speaking, her voice becoming a bit hoarse. "I mean, they always tell you to be mindful on where civilians might be, but I never even once thought that anyone could still be there."

 _Ella. Her family. What if someone like me had tore through her area like I did that district?_ "But all I could think about was moving on to the next target. So I skipped steps, and never considered what could be the consequences. I'll never know how many of those bodies were because I couldn't be bothered to take the time to ensure those buildings were clear first. We're supposed to protect people, not leave them to die in the fires we set."

His strong hands squeezed hers briefly once more, and she finally looked back up; her blue eyes meeting his brown. "If you sent any of your people into those buildings, it may have been sending them into a trap, and you couldn't afford to lose any of them. However, dead civilians are never easy to live with. That's a hell of a thing to have on your conscience." There was no hint of judgment in his voice as he spoke, just a compassionate knowing in his eyes.

"One of a few things that weigh it down," she muttered with a shrug. "But, PR didn't care what all happened down there. They just wanted the story to be told the way that made everyone look the best. They wanted to sweep my mistakes under the rug and pretend they didn't exist."

"Isn't that one of PR's jobs? Pretend every soldier's a noble hero and that our fight is always just?"

"They're not the ones having to live with the reality of it all though."

Kaidan gazed at her for a long moment, seeming to study her. "I get the feeling there's more to this story. What else happened, Shepard?"

She pulled her hands from his as she started speaking. "Everything starts to blur together after the fire. Events kind of tumbled into one another. We'd encounter raiders sometimes in the streets, sometimes in a building. One of the buildings we came across that was being held down by some slavers was an orphanage. Nothing like a bunch of kids, ripe for the picking. With the few men I had with me, we cleaned out the threat, and even managed to only incapacitate one of the batarians present."

_"Clear!" a male voice shouted from my left. Another male voice echoed the call to my right. I barked back my own affirmation of the same, as my eyes swept over the sea of children before me, of various ages. There had to be over a dozen here still, all staring with scared eyes up at me. I glanced down to the batarian clutching at his stomach, my pistol still trained on his skull. The whimpering of the children was the only other sound in the room, as they stood protectively around the body of one of the older children._

"We had been lucky and managed to get there before they had taken away any of the kids too. The house mother was missing, and one of the oldest girls had been knocked out with a slaving devices, but the rest were huddled in the main room, scared. We tied up the batarian the best we could and checked to see if any of the other rooms could be locked down and secured from the inside, other than that main room. But, our quick search really didn't net us anything better, and I could hear the sounds of fighting still out on the street. I didn't have time to wait around, and I didn't want to have another group of raiders come down on us in the building, so I made a snap decision. I found the calmest of the kids, a girl named Mary Kingsley, in the room, gave her the most utilitarian breakdown on how to fire the batarian's pistol, and told her that if the batarian broke free,  _kill him_." Still to this day, those words sounded harsh and unnecessary as she spoke them.  _The cool grey eyes of Mary merely heeded the words, as her skinny hands gripped the pistol given to her._

She raked her hands through her blond hair as she stared up to the ceiling briefly. "And then I had them lock themselves in the room, and I left them. 16 kids. I left them alone, with a fourteen year old armed with a pistol and an alien prisoner."

"Wasn't the orphanage one of the things that they praised though after the Blitz?" he asked gently. "I could have sworn that was part of the media buzz."

"It was. At first anyways," she said, unable to hide the bitterness in her voice. "After all was said and done, and the Alliance was finally able to start landing teams down, I made mention of the orphanage. I wanted to head back myself to make everything was okay, but the medics wouldn't let me."  _Pain seared through my right arm still, bloodied, bruised and broken from where I had cracked it alongside the skull of some batarian. The cold tingle of my biotics was the only thing I could feel in my fingertips, as I wanted to_ throw _the useless medic who was forbidding me from leaving_. "I got word soon after though that all 16 kids were found, alive and well. Still mostly scared though. The prisoner was found dead, execution style, still in his bonds. They couldn't find any gun though, and none of the kids would say what happened. I knew it sounded strange, but I never got a chance to do a follow-up. I was whisked off planet really fast, and in the buzz of everything, it faded to the background even for me."

"Until?" Kaidan gently pressed.

"Until about six months later. News reports began to trickle in about an incident at an orphanage on Elysium. Mass shooting. Four kids were dead. Five more severely wounded. The house mother killed in her sleep. They managed to subdue the attacker. It was a now 15 year old Mary Kingsley, with a batarian pistol in her possession. And all she could talk about was all the eyes watching her, waiting to take them all." Her gut still twisted sickeningly as she recalled the news reports as they rolled in from Elysium, recalling the faces of all those scared children.  _God, what had I done?_

"What happened to her?"

"She's been institutionalized. It appeared that she had suffered some kind of traumatic, psychotic break. From what I was able to find out, most days, she's lucky if she knows where she is…" Her voice caught slightly, and she forced herself to swallow the lump that had formed there, her eyes dropping back down to the ground. "So, there you have it. My 'heroics' ultimately got a bunch of kids killed, wounded, and one institutionalized, not to mention who else might have been caught in my other mistakes, because I couldn't take the time to do things the right way. But at the end of the day, I was told to smile pretty, and say all the right things to all the nice reporters, and pretend none of that ever happened. Some fucking hero."

God, she needed a drink. Or two. And a gun, with something to take her self-loathing out on. She definitely needed to leave, having shared far too much. Alexis was in mid-step backwards, when Kaidan started talking again. "It's strange how things never quite turn out how we want them, no matter what our intentions at the time."

There was something about the way that he said it, like maybe he knew exactly where she was coming from, that made her stop. She glanced back up towards him, a sympathetic look in his eyes. He took her hand again and pulled her over to one of the chairs in the room. Once she sat, he went and collected their cups of coffee and sat down in the chair beside her, handing back her cup. "I was seventeen," he continued, "and there was this instructor at Brain Camp named Vyrnnus."


	35. Lost Chances

The Mako ground to a halt with Vakarian disengaging the controls. Meghan carefully unwrapped her fingers from the crash webbing holding her to her seat. The turian had done his best, but the rough terrain and the low gravity of Ontarom was not kind to the rover. He glanced at her and silently collected his weapons and powered down the vehicle as Meghan handed Liara a pistol. Both veterans were surprised when the inexperienced woman checked the weapon over. “Good, you’ve been paying attention,” the commander said, approvingly. 

Before the asari could answer, Vakarian growled, “Heads up, we’ve got company!” 

After the short, brutal fight, Meghan remembered why she hated fighting in low-g. She watched the last merc float upwards on one of Liara’s stronger Lifts. One headshot from Vakarian put the guy out of his misery and his screams as he headed into low orbit were finally silenced. At least the mercs waiting in ambush inside just fell to the ground in the artificial gravity.

It wasn’t long before Meghan Shepard stood looking down at two corpses on the floor. The white lab uniform spattered with the contents of the scientist’s head. Her eyes refused to focus on the other body.

Not that it mattered. What lay there was a ghost. The corpse of a man who’d died long ago, but who’d apparently not been allowed to rest in peace.

_“What the hell’s the matter, LT? You lost or something?” Toombs grinned, (dark - hair - damp - from - shower - overlaid - by - bloodspattered - empty - face) casually flinging a towel around his lower waist as she walked by._

_Knowing the show was for her benefit, she paused a moment and gave him a wink. “Just slummin’.” She grinned back. “Where’s the Sarge?”_

_“He ain’t here, LT,” Gorman said, (tall - blond - muscular - freckles - reeking - of - inexperience - cut - in - half - acid - burned) pulling a tank top over his head. “Said something about quiet time and laps.” Meghan fought the smile that played over her lips. She knew what that meant._

_She waved at Vasquez (motherly - tough as nails - pretty - knowing grin, darkhaired - full - lips - twisted - in - rictus - of - pain - left behind - leg - broken - covering - their - escape) who nodded back as she laced up her boots and Meghan spun on her booted heels and left the locker room. Laps meant only one thing: swimming. And on these last few days at Arcturus, he’d have the pool to himself -- swimming among spacers was not a popular activity for some reason. Could be the lack of pools on battleships._

“Shepard?” Liara’s soft voice intruded on her consciousness and she came back to the present, blinking at the asari. There was a heartbeat where Meghan couldn’t decide if the asari was a threat or not, the memory of the melding fresh in her mind. Time coalesced down to a single point where somewhere inside her, Meghan weighed her options, calculated threats and assessed tactics. In the next heartbeat, she recognized Liara, non-threatening, kind, Liara, who’s mind now colored even these horrible memories. The blue-skinned woman’s eyes shone with compassion which made Meghan want to slap her, but the vanguard took a deep breath. She dropped her hand off her pistol and straightened up out of her stance. 

“Go back to the Mako and report in, Liara. Garrus, go with her.” The turian stared at her for a moment, his cheekplates shifting. At her unwavering stare, he turned on his heel and followed the asari silently. When the sounds of their boots faded on the plates, Meghan felt her knees give out and she collapsed on all fours, choking back the tears. She ripped her helmet off to get air, not even caring about the stench of death surrounding her. She struggled not to let Akuze overtake her. The tricks the shrinks taught her to redirect didn’t always work. But she needed to try. 

She sat back on heels, her breathing ragged, her head pounding, blue corona of power lighting up the room around her. Wisps of hair escaped her bun and the breeze from the ventilation kept blowing them into her eyes, but she left them, rather than get streaks of blood on her face. She put her bloodied hands on her thighs, trying to breathe deeply, calm her pulse. Rebuild. _The scent of chlorine would always remind her of him, she reflected, as she went through the swinging doors to the pool. It somehow suited him, clean, astringent, aggressive, masculine._ Oh for the love of God. She would not cry. Not here, not now. _She walked to the edge of the pool, glad she’d taken the time to change to her own suit, a modest Alliance-issue one-piece. He’d bought it for her once. She’d been one of the few on board that actually knew how to swim, too. But then, they were also both the only ones in their entire unit that had been born on Earth. She sat down and put her legs in over the side, wincing at the cold water. There was a splash on the far end as he turned and she waited, knowing he’d see her legs when he approached._

_Instead of surfacing though, his strong fingers grabbed her calves and with the aid of the slippery tiles, he was able to pull her into the water. Meghan shrieked in mock fear as water closed over her head. Arms like steel cables pulled her to the surface and against him. She blinked the water from her eyes and grinned up at Mike Hicks, Operations Chief, often called Sergeant. He pressed her against him and she obligingly wrapped her arms around him, reveling in the feel of his water softened skin against her own, the taste of the salt water pool on his lips. He was only holding her with one hand, the other anchored them to the side of the pool. They were in the deep end, the diving end. She pulled away from his kiss to just look at him. The water beaded on his curling lashes and his brows were drawn into a frown as his molten dark eyes watched her. “What’s wrong, Meghan?”_

_“Other than the fact that you’re assaulting a superior officer?” she teased, her lips widening into a grin._

_He growled mockingly and spun them so she was against the pool wall and he was flush against her and she could feel how glad he was to be there in the tight trunks he swam in. “I’ll show you assault.” He nipped along her neck and she inhaled sharply and clung tighter to him as his lips ignited a fire along her spine._

_“Oh, God, don’t do that right now.” Her breath caught in her throat and she pulled on his earlobe with her teeth. “I -- Oh! I need to tell you something!”_

_His only answer was to ask, “What is it, Lieutenant?” as he switched sides of her neck._

_“Oh, God! Mike!” She drew a shuddering breath, trying not to push herself against him more. She pulled his face up to look in his eyes. “It’s positive. You’re going to be a father.”_ Sorrow welled within her and despite the happy memory, the tears came harder.

_He froze for a moment, his dark eyes wide. “Are you kidding me?”_

_She shook her head, fear beginning to coil deep in her belly at his reaction. Then the shock seemed to wear off and his full lips parted in a wide grin. “Baby, I can’t wait to meet the little guy, or girl,” he added before closing his lips around hers again. “I’m glad I already asked you to marry me.” Toombs had interrupted them before it had progressed much further. She’d been hidden by the ledge, so she didn’t think the corporal had seen her._

Unbidden, her eyes went to the body on the floor in front of her. Every memory of her old unit was about Mike, for the most part. Even before they’d begun dating and jumping each other in every spare moment in every spare closet. She was surprised the entire unit didn’t know about them. She had no memories of Toombs where Hicks wasn’t there in the background. 

Bootsteps behind her made her jump up and spin around, automatically taking a defensive posture. Vakarian. She glared at the turian, but there was heat behind it. Meghan had no other emotions for anyone else at the moment. “Thought I told you to wait in the Mako?” 

“You told me to go with Liara. I went with Liara then came back here since you didn’t tell me to stay there.” He came to stand next to her. “You going to wait until Fifth Fleet comes here, standing vigil?”

She crossed her arms, anger at him burning through her sorrow. “I might.” She bit off the words.

“Do you need me to get one of the other commanders down here?”

She rounded on him, “You breathe one word about what you just saw and I’ll pry your plates off with a crowbar.”

He winced dramatically, “All right, I get the point.” He turned to leave. “We’ll be in the Mako when you’re ready to go.”

She sighed, “Look, Garrus, I’m sorry I snapped at you. Losing your entire unit... well, you just never get over that.”

“Shepard,” he sighed. “I’ve seen people who lost entire units. It happens. Especially out here. It... seems like you lost more than that.” He cleared his throat and looked away. “If you, uh, don’t mind my saying so.”

The urge to tell him to mind his own fucking business raced through her mind, but instead, she said, looking back down at Toombs and remembering his laughter for the first time in a very long time, “I lost a family.”

~*~

“Why the hell would I fight you, Shepard? Do I look crazy?” The turian glared at her from where he lay tightening a bolt on the Mako.

“No, you’re pissed off and resentful that I kept you from killing Saleon. Also, you have got to be bored of fucking around with the Mako.” Meghan bared her teeth at the turian. Her stupid fucking emotional reaction to Toombs’ suicide on Ontarom had left her spoiling for a fight. 

“Any reason you’ve decided to ask me for this? Don’t you usually spar with Williams, or Alenko? Or one or both of the other commanders?” He stood up and put his tool carefully down on his console, as if he’d rather throw it, turning to look at her. She was right, he was still pissed at her.

“I’m tired of wiping the deck with all of the above. C’mon, Vakarian. I haven’t kicked your ass yet.”

Wary, he leaned back on one leg and crossed his arms over his waspish waist, “Try Wrex. He might actually give you a run for your money. That is the phrase, right?”

“He turned me down. Said I was too tiny and bony.” Meghan looked as offended as she felt.

Garrus huffed, “Well, you are.”

“Chicken.”

His eyebrow ridges shot up and his cheekplates tucked in close to his jaw, “I don’t know what a chicken is, but I’ve heard the word enough to know it’s an insult.”

God, he was infuriating. She stretched her neck from side to side, “Fine, then, prove me wrong.”

He seemed to look her over, “You going to wear that?” _Was that a sneer in his voice?_

She glanced down at her BDUs, “What’s wrong with it?” 

He shook his head, “I’m wearing armor. Give me a minute to change.”

“Wait, you’re actually going to fight me?”

He shrugged, “I might learn something.”

She couldn’t stop a tight, predatory grin from spreading over her face from the surge of adrenaline she always seemed to get at the prospect of a new opponent. “I’ll meet you back here in 10. I need to change, too. Can’t get the uniform ruined. You know... in case I mess up that pretty face of yours.”

He looked at her for a moment. “Yeah, wouldn’t want it to look as bad as yours.”

A few minutes later, Meghan was back on the impromptu practice mat running through her stretches. The form fitting, moisture wicking fabric and the soft soled shoes would keep her from getting overheated in their sparring. She wondered if turians wore something similar. 

She didn’t have long to wait to find out as Garrus got out of the elevator. His was blue, though, not black, and was missing that cowl that usually ringed all turian clothes, though there was still some sort of bony ridge that was apparent through the fabric. She shrugged internally. She knew their anatomy. She’d been trained to kill them, after all. It would be an interesting challenge to alter her training to not immediately disable him. He reached the mat, tugging on a pair of gloves to blunt his species’ razor sharp talons and bowed at the waist. Raising her eyebrows that he knew that gesture, she returned it and without further preamble, his eyes met hers and without speaking, they began to circle each other warily.

“Alenko told me you won a fight once because you fought in only a, what was the word? Bra.” He reached the edge of the mat and started back the other way, mirroring her movement.

Her eyes locked on his, waiting for that first move. “He did, did he? Why on earth would he bring that up?”

“Joker said something about wanting to see you and the other commanders fight together.” The statement startled her enough that he was able to lunge in and swing at her.

She ducked the punch, and kicked him in the side, landing the first hit. “I swear that man has the brain of a 12 year old.”

He grunted with the impact of her kick, but continued with his almost-interrogation. “What is a bra, anyway?”

She was startled at the question and missed blocking a punch which felt like it impacted harder than it should have for a sparring match, and as she moved a little too slow to duck, he hit her in the stomach, making her gasp. “Ow!” She retaliated swiftly and hit him hard enough on the jaw to make him stagger backward a step or two. “What the hell you asking me that for?”

Circling each other again, Garrus shrugged, “Who else would I ask?” He lunged and she ducked again, aiming a kick for his knee.

“How about the jackasses who told you about one in the first place?” She blocked a punch that turned out to be a feint and his fist landed on her ribcage. She grunted and swung, connecting to his mandible before he could dance away.

He rubbed his jaw, “I did. They refused.” 

She straightened up for a minute to look at him. “It’s something human women wear under their clothes and that’s all I’m going to say.” He continued to pace in front of her. 

“So, why is that cheating?” 

She shrugged. “Some people find it distracting?”

He seemed to glare at her, “Did you need this advantage?”

“No, I didn’t. One had a blind spot a mile wide on his left, the other always led with his right and the third guy was just easy to piss off. My shirt being off just made it easier.”

“You took advantage of their weaknesses.”

“And why is that an issue? If you come at me in a fight with weak shit, I’m not going to hold back just because you decide to comm it in that day.”

“They were your instructors and should have been respected.” _Wait, was he actually pissed on their behalf?_

Meghan snorted, “They were idiots who thought it was a good idea to gang up on one younger woman just because she was supposed to be the best. And I was dumb enough to take their challenge. Respect goes both ways, Officer. No matter your rank.”

His expression had gone from one of concentration to one of annoyance during their conversation with his cheekplates close in and his brow ridges drawn together. She scowled at him, annoyed that he didn’t rise to the bait of her accusation of a lack of respect on his part. “Well? Are you actually going to say something or stand there like some green, limpdick FNG?” He countered her insult with a swift strike, that if he’d not been wearing gloves, would have shredded her shirt and the skin underneath. She swore and redoubled her efforts. He definitely had power and reach on her, but she seemed to be faster and more flexible than he expected. He’d grabbed her and twisted to use his spurs. At the last second, she used his own body as leverage and swung her legs up, wrapped them around his neck and with a shift of her hips, made him lose his balance. She continued with the momentum and rolled with him until she had him pinned. He grabbed her waist and bucked, sending her flying over his head. She tucked and rolled with the momentum, leaping to her feet, but he was already there and scooped her legs out from under her. As she went down, she grabbed his clothes and yanked with him down with her. He broke her hold, though, by the simple expedient of bringing his fists up between her hands and shoving outward. Instead of following through to gain the advantage, she ended up with one very heavy turian on her stomach.

"Where the fuck did you learn that?" she panted.

"Watching you spar with the commanders." He seemed to be panting too.

"You've been WATCHING ME? Get off me!" She arched her back and shoved and he rolled off her onto his back.

Sitting up, he pulled his knees under himself to kneel on the mat. "What else am I supposed to do when I'm running? It's not like there's an extranet feed down here."

“That’s... creepy, Vakarian.” She sat up, drawing her knees up to her chest.

He glared at her. “But not disrespectful? Humans are odd. I just won like you did with your instructors. And I did not cheat.”

“Uh, I see no concession to defeat here, Vakarian. And yes, you cheated.” She leaned closer to him forestalling his protest with an upraised hand. “They thought ripping my shirt like they did would stop me, that I’d run away like some little girl in embarrassment. They were wrong. I merely removed it because it was hampering my mobility. Whatever advantage it gave me was negligible. At that point, they were going down anyway. Now, _what the fuck is your problem?_ ”

He glanced away, his cheekplates working, then seemed to come to a decision and turned back to her. “Please explain to me how trying to arrest Saleon is justice for his victims?”

Meghan rolled her eyes, “Thought we settled that?”

He stood up. “I want a better explanation. Something that makes sense.” Each word was clipped. She almost expected him to slam one fist into the other.

She rose to her feet as well, “All right, what would you rather have happened?”

His cheek plates flared and he snarled, “Like I said on the ship, harvesting _his_ organs would be a start. That would be justice, that would be _fair_.” 

“And when will that end?” Meghan couldn’t keep the fatigue from her voice. Revenge never solved anything. Yeah, you would know, the tiny voice in the back of her mind provided.

The turian shrugged his shoulders. “He’d be dead. It would end there.”

“And what about his victims?”

His eyes focused on her intensely, “Their spirits would know that bastard wasn’t out there hurting anyone ever again.”

“Would their spirits also approve of letting others die for their revenge?” Meghan let one eyebrow raise.

He blinked at her, “I doubt he had other victims stashed somewhere that didn’t attack us, Shepard.”

She dragged her fingers through her hair, careful not to mess up her bun. “And you know that for sure? All the data had been purged from that ship. And now that we had no choice but to kill him, if he had victims stashed somewhere, we’ll never be able to save them. They’ll suffer and die.”

He looked at the floor. “But, that’s not our fault.”

Remembering Toombs’ face just before he turned his gun on himself, she shook her head. “It’s not our fault, but it’s our responsibility. It’s also our responsibility to try to find out to whom he was selling those organs and what they wanted them for. Now, we’ll never know. And they’ll just find some other way to get what they want.” She bowed and turned to leave. 

“Shepard...” She looked at him over her shoulder. “I -- you’ve given me a lot to think about.”

“That’s all I ask.” She started to leave, but turned back. “By the way. You still cheated.” She left him staring after her, his eyes wide and his cheekplates moving as if he couldn’t decide whether to swear or laugh.

His, “I did not!” followed her to the locker room.

~*~

Meghan headed for the locker room. The sparring match with Vakarian had been strangely unsatisfying. It seemed to bring up more problems than it solved. It had gotten her heart pounding and helped her work up a sweat, but not exorcised her demons as she’d hoped. Strangely, though, it seemed to have helped him. She sat on the bench after taking off her shirt and yanking her hair out of its bun. Lifting her tags, she stared at them, rubbing futilely at the blackened acid stains -- the Alliance had replaced them, the shiny new ones hung unused in her locker, but these, these would always be what she wore. A platinum band with a small diamond hung next to them on the beaded chain. It had been his grandmother’s. He was an only child. No cousins, either. His parents hadn’t wanted the ring back. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and swallowed. Crying wasn’t an option. Even if the meld had brought Akuze back in living color.

The sound of boots on the deck plating in Alexis’ familiar step startled her and she hurriedly wiped at the rebellious tears that had dripped down her cheeks despite her resolve. A booted foot appeared on the bench next to her and Lex’s long fingers swiftly began lacing them. “You ok there, Meg?”

The other vanguard let out a humorless chuckle. “Let’s see, I watched the last member of my old unit die, kicked the crap out of a turian cop in a sparring match... done nothing but try not to remember Hicks or my father all fucking day long. Yeah.. I guess.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she focused on those long musician’s fingers threading the lace through each eyehole. “So, do you want me to override the contraband lock again, or find you a nice deserted planet to take your frustration out on with the Mako?” Alexis asked, her tone light.

“Find me something to shoot.” She scrubbed her face. “Probably better than drinking myself into a stupor. Listen, I want to tell you something. And you’re gonna be pissed at me when I say it.”

“Then don’t say it, and I’ll have Joker find you someplace real nice to shoot up.” The now-laced boot disappeared, replaced by its mate and the fingers began the ritual again.

Her heart pounding, Meghan got to her feet and turned to look at her CO. “No, I’m afraid you have to hear this.”

All Meghan was presented with was the top of her CO’s head as she waited for the other woman to finish lacing up and and look at her. Alexis finally put her foot down on the deck and regarded her with a slight smirk. “Ok, what did you do to the nice C-Sec officer that I’m going to hear about when I leave this room?”

In frustration, Meghan ran her fingers through through her hair. “This isn’t about the damned cop. He’s nursing his pride in the Mako. This is about Alenko.”

“What about him?” Alexis crossed her arms and met Meghan’s eyes, her challenge plain.

Inadvertently, the Marine OIC found herself mimicking the pose. “You need to throw the regs out the airlock. Life is too fucking short. Believe me, I know.” 

Alexis’ expression became patient. “Meghan, sweetie, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe it’s been too much between the melding incident and then Ontarom.”

“I am NOT crazy, dammit.” She shook her head. “I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. Do you want him to die with out him ever knowing how you feel?” She stepped closer to her friend and lowered her voice. “Do you want to die without ever knowing what it’s like to have his lips on yours? I thank God for every single second I had with Hicks. Every single one. I’d give everything I am for just. one. more. Don’t throw it away on rules and regu-fucking-lations.” The other blonde’s fair skin gave her away as the blush deepened with every word Meghan said.

Alexis cleared her throat and glared at her. “I wish you had more time with Hicks, Meghan. I really do. But I’m not you, and Alenko’s not Hicks, and I am not going to jeopardize any of our careers over the _nothing_ that is happening.”

“It’s not nothing! I’ve seen you two. What you have is a once in a lifetime thing. Grab it with both hands, Lex! Or you’re going to wake up one day with nothing but a twisted set of dog tags in your hand and a hole in your heart.” _Fuck. I will not cry again. Dammit!_

Alexis leaned toward her, her voice also low, “Grab it and then what, Meghan? Hope to fucking god your best buddy Williams, or that mouth Moreau, or any other member of the entire crew doesn’t say anything? All it takes is one, one, person to so much as breathe the wrong word to the right person, and he’s gone. It won’t matter then. They’ll strip him of rank, ship him home, and for what?”

Shaking her head, Meghan suppressed the urge to shake her friend until she saw sense. “A. he’s a biotic. They’re not going to get rid of him. B. If anyone so much as breathes a word wrong about you two, they’ll have me and the bloody fucking Butcher of Torfan to deal with. C. I’m fairly certain you two are capable of being discreet.” She had to grin slightly at the thought that just occurred to her. “Last I checked, you weren’t much of a screamer.”

Alexis didn’t seem to appreciate the attempt at humor. “No, even if there was something going on, _which there isn’t_ , I’m not going to gamble that between your reputations and his being a biotic, that they still won’t take him away. Even if they don’t throw him out, they will take him away. I’d rather suffer with not being able to admit that there’s anything and at least have him here, then get greedy and have him be gone. He and I are more than capable of keeping things strictly platonic.”

Blinking away the urge to tear up again at Lex’s blind confidence and the fact that she’d just admitted, aloud, that there was something there, Meghan said sadly, “Oh, sweetie. No, you’re not.”

She was surprised, though, when Lex was forced to close her eyes and breathe deep as a brief corona of power flared around her and the tiny bones in Meghan’s ears vibrated. “Are you done, Meghan?”

She just stood still and looked at her friend. “Just... think about what I said. I stink like a turian. I need a shower.”

Alexis scowled, “This conversation... never happened.”

“Of course not.” Meghan sighed as Alexis moved to storm off. 

The other vanguard stopped in the doorway and looked back. ”And for the record, one of these days, you need to stop seeing your ghosts every time you turn around, or else you’re never going to be able to let go.”

Meghan stared after Alexis’ retreating backside until the door closed. _Stubborn, stupid, crazy-assed woman._ She rubbed her face again and sat back down on the bench to pull her boots off. Maybe talking to Alenko would help. God knows, Alexis had never made the first move on a man in her life. She silenced the small voice that told her she was being unfair. Things would seem clearer after a shower.


	36. Interlude:  Crazy Jack-Ass Flight Lieutenant

Joker drummed his fingers impatiently on the table in front of him. "I hate downtime."

"Since when?" Alenko sounded suspiciously like he was trying not to chuckle.

"Since I got to fly this ship." Joker grinned at his friend as the LT settled onto the bench next to him in the mess.

"So, it has nothing to do with wondering what our COs are up to?" Alenko's eyes flashed briefly towards the closed door of the Commander's quarters before returning to the remains of several snacks scattered across the table.

"Pillow fighting. In their underwear." Joker retorted absent-mindedly, before being struck by his own random suggestion. _Hmm. That is a nice enough mental image; I don't mind letting someone else fly for a bit. Bet they're all secretly ultra-feminine and have lingerie. Lace or silk? Huh, wonder if the Commander actually wears anything like the stuff from that photo shoot she did. Or if Ella's got anything like it either..._

Garrus looked up in surprise from his spot across the table, something that looked rather like blue mashed potatoes wobbling on the spoon that had stopped half-way to his mouth. "Excuse me?"

Alenko did chuckle this time and rolled his eyes. "It's an old cliche."

"See, girls have sleepovers." Joker elaborated. "They hang out in their hopefully skimpy pajamas, next to their beds, do girly talking things, and, if you're really lucky, start flinging pillows at each other. With bouncing. Lots of bouncing... " _Bouncing enough to spill out of some white lace …_

"Joker, you're drooling."

"Oh, please. Like you haven't been wondering what their AIT or N training dorm room was like ever since they walked onto the ship dressed like that." Joker grinned at Alenko, hoping he'd make the stoic marine squirm.

"Do human men always lust after their female commanders like this?" Wrex's grunt interrupted. "Or do some of them actually get a quad and act on it?"

Vakarian's attempt to continue eating was stymied as he choked at the krogan's blunt question, while Alenko did more than squirm, blushing bright red. Joker just laughed.

"Regs be damned, I'd act on it, if I thought any of them wouldn't break me in half just for considering." _Ella breaking me in half would totally be worth it. Shit, don't even start thinking that. Bad brain. Stop that._ "But really, you should have seen them," he continued hastily, hoping no one noticed the slight pause. "The rumors from Arcturus were that they took on an entire bar themselves because Stormy got pissed at something some dumbass said about Akuze."

"Joker," Alenko scowled, "you know how they feel about gossip."

"Analysis," Joker clicked his tongue. "Not gossip. These two would benefit from our astute _analysis_ of our commanders."

Alenko just shook his head and muttered softly. "Your funeral."

"Wait," Garrus echoed Kaidan's shaking head as he tried to follow the conversation. "Which one is Stormy?"

"Meghan." Both Alliance officers answered in unison.

The krogan chuckled softly, obviously approving of the nickname. "What do you call the other two?"

Joker opened his mouth, then shut it again. "Promised not to tell. Or she'll shoot me."

"Fire probably threatened to shoot him," Alenko clarified helpfully, having avoided the threat part of that conversation when he'd learned about their nicknames himself. "Ice is usually more subtle than that." Wrex laughed again, and he and Alenko shared a look.

"Why is that funny?" Garrus asked, confusion still clear in his voice.

"Biotics," Wrex answered shortly.

"That explained things," Joker complained. _I hate when people know things I don't. More to their nicknames than personality and ease-of-instructor-shouting, huh?_

"Biotics can feel other biotic flares, if they're strong enough," Alenko explained. "They all feel slightly different. Their nicknames fit their powers."

_Huh. Wonder if I got close enough to her flare if it would feel hot against my … crap, have to stop thinking about things that'll get me grounded._

"Anyway," Joker tried yet again to distract his own brain, "scuttlebutt claims Stormy didn't throw the first punch, but the three of them damned sure finished the fight. A unit of Eclipse was in the bar on leave that day, too. The Shepards were apparently the last ones standing by the time the MPs arrived."

"Joker … " Alenko was shaking his head again, but not as if he actually thought he'd have any effect.

"This time the rumors may have gotten something right." Wrex nodded slowly. "They are formidable fighters separately. They would be unstoppable together."

 _Hmmm, together_... Joker sighed as his imagination kicked into high gear.

Alenko nudged Joker with his elbow. "You're doing it again."

"What?" Joker rubbed his side. "And ow."

"Making an ass of yourself," Garrus suggested, his mandibles twitching slightly in amusement.

"Oh, that," Joker shrugged.

"At the risk of encouraging you," Garrus asked, "how did they show up for duty?"

"Miniskirts and leather." Joker sighed. "I don't know or care if it was real leather. But everything was low-cut and skin tight." _And that silky little purple thing masquerading as a dress... damn._

There was a pause before Alenko managed to clear his throat. "They were also bruised and scraped and injured," he rasped.

"Pssh. I'll bet the other guy looked worse." _Hell yeah, our Shepards kicked their collective asses._

Wrex's deep laugh echoed through the room. "So, they showed up for duty, not dressed like the warriors they were, but with the battle scars that said they were?"

"I guess that's one way to look at it," Alenko confirmed in surprise.

"Too bad they're not krogan." The large alien was still chuckling, causing the table to vibrate with the low rumbling. "They'd have hundreds of males lining up to breed with them."

"Thinking about our commanding officers and breeding in the same sentence just seems... " Garrus shifted uncomfortably on his bench.

"Fun?" Joker grinned again. "Entertaining?"

"Unprofessional." Alenko attempted yet again to squash Joker's irreverent attitude. _He should know better by now. I could ask him what he knows about the CO's fiance, show him how 'unprofessional' he is. Not out of revenge, of course. Just the principle of the thing._ Joker refused to admit, even in his own head, that he was rather dying of curiosity regarding the subject.

"Exactly," Garrus sighed with relief.

"Spoilsports." Joker only managed a moment of silence. "But seriously, what the hell are they doing in that office?"

"Planning?" Alenko suggested with a smile. "I hear COs do that from time to time."

"That's not as much fun as what I'm thinking."

"We all know what you're thinking," Garrus flexed his mandibles slightly, in what Joker was pretty sure was the turian equivalent of rolled eyes. _Great, he's starting to act like Alenko now._

"And what? You're not thinking it now, too?" Joker glanced at all three of his table-mates, trying to gauge their reactions.

"I have only the vaguest idea of what a human female looks like under her clothes," Garrus shrugged.

"So you HAVE thought about it!" Joker crowed triumphantly, grinning as Alenko stared down at the table and attempted to stifle his own amusement. Wrex barked out another short laugh.

"I have … not. I …. wouldn't. I haven't... " Garrus' neck was turning bright blue in the turian equivalent of a blush. "Oh, spirits."

"It's a long cruise, Garrus. Don't worry, we won't tell." He paused, a wicked grin brightening his expression. "Which one is it?"

"Which one is what?" Garrus muttered in miserable surrender.

"Starring in your wildest dreams?" Joker could just sense Alenko shifting uncomfortably next to him. _Ah, the boyscout doesn't want me to single him out next, does he? Then again, I don't want me singled out either. This might have been a bad precedent..._

"I, uh... I'm not going to answer that," Garrus stuttered to a halt before getting himself back under control and lifting his chin in determination.

"Probably all three of them." _Why am I still talking? I had the perfect out to stop this before anyone turned the questions on me..._ Unfortunately, his mouth kept going without listening to his brain. "That's all right. You wouldn't be the first. I'll send some visual aids. I'm sure it'll help. With the long cruise, that is. I'll even make sure one of them is _Sorority Row Pillow Fights 2180_. The original, not the lame-ass sequels." _No, don't say it, he'll get back at me later_ … "One of them even looks like Alexis if you squint just right."

Alenko's awkward squirm was much more noticeable the second time. To Joker at least. Garrus looked uncomfortable enough to have missed it. "Joker, I do not want to be imagining our commanding officer in a pillow fight," the turian protested.

"But the other two are fair game?" _Shit, hope it's Meg and not Ella. What if Ella_ likes _turians? Crap, what does it matter, not like I have a chance. Or would even if I made a move, which I won't, 'cause she's my CO... crap, brain, SHUT UP._ "Do I have any with girls who look like them?" Joker glanced up at the ceiling as he tried to strangle his rebellious thoughts back under his control and pay attention to what he was saying. "I'll have to check. Thoroughly. But if you change your mind about the CO, I can direct you to some pictures. Real ones."

"Jeffrey Allen Moreau," Alenko hissed.

"You are not my mother, Alenko, don't you dare pull out the middle name." Joker glared at the other Lieutenant. "And don't even try to tell me you didn't make the connection the instant she walked on deck. Those pictures overwhelmed the rumor mill when they came out." Joker grinned, the memory restoring his good humor. "Hell, I know a guy who kept a flat pic print out taped to his locker. The shot where she's in boy shorts with that open class "A" jacket... Her hands on her hips to make sure it showed just enough boob..." _Oh god, Ella in that pose … dark skin and blue curves…_

"Uh..." Alenko's voice trailed off as he cleared his throat. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"So, if I go look in your locker right now, her picture wouldn't be taped to the door?"

"No!" Alenko looked vaguely horrified at the prospect. "That would be - "

"Unprofessional, " Joker interrupted. "Right. Cause you've never been in the locker room at the same time, and wouldn't have any idea how accurate the photo shoot was. Airbrushed or not, Alenko?"

Alenko started turning a dull red again, before he shut his slightly gaping mouth and launched his own counter attack with a slight half-smile curving his mouth. "Well, there was perhaps a tattoo on display at some point … "

"What? Who? Where?" Joker demanded.

"A gentleman never tells," Alenko replied, infuriatingly.

"You're just afraid she'll kick your ass," Joker eyed Alenko narrowly, trying to guess from his reaction which one it was.

"Damn straight," Alenko laughed.

_Hmm, probably not the CO or he'd be more embarrassed. Either Meg or Ella would fit the bill though …_

"Would one of them really do that?" Garrus asked.

"Of course not," the krogan's voice rumbled. "The Shepards are proper warriors, proud of their scars and clan-markings. Might give him a good head-butt to teach him his place, though."

"But provocative pictures?" Garrus returned to the earlier discussion.

"The Alliance probably twisted her arm." Alenko protested. "A PR stunt."

"Hell, it gave me a lot of PR," Joker snickered.

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Alenko asked dryly.

"It's taped to the inside of your sleeper pod, isn't it?" Joker rolled his eyes.

"But," Garrus shook his head slightly. "That seems out of character for any of the commanders, Alexis particularly."

"As if anyone could make our CO do something against her will," Wrex grunted.

"What against whose will?" Ella's bright question caused all four men to startle, as they turned to see her standing a few paces away from their table.

"Uh, pose?" Garrus suggested slowly, his neck starting to blush blue again.

"That's why you're all huddled around the table?" Ella laughed. "Discussing naughty pictures?" She glanced over at Joker. "You started it, didn't you?"

"Uh, well, there was some talk … " _I was trying not to think inappropriate thoughts about you, but I probably shouldn't mention that part out loud. Or let my eyes drop. Damn Alliance, making utility blouses so gloriously tight... Shit, brain, think of a useful distraction. C'mon... stupid brain, what is wrong with you?_

"'Course there was. And you were a completely innocent bystander?" She raised her eyebrows skeptically.

"Well, you see, there was this - Oh, hell. Yeah, I started it." _You can yell at me now, as much as you like. Pretty please?_

"You're as bad as a little old lady at a beauty parlor. You'd gossip about anything, wouldn't you?"

"Only if it involved scantily clad women," Alenko suggested, as Wrex laughed at him yet again.

Ella turned at the krogan's rumbling laugh, eyeing the two aliens at the table. "So what are you two getting out of hanging around this particular conversation? Human women really that fascinating?"

"I'm waiting for someone to grow a quad, that's all." Wrex leveled a heavy stare at Joker and Alenko.

"I, uh," Garrus looked around as if searching for an escape route. "I'm just trying to understand humans. Why would the commander pose in such a manner?"

"Because she wanted to," Ella answered flatly. "And if you want to know more than that, you'll have to ask her yourself. Carefully." Her slow, wicked grin made her eyes looked sharp enough to cut, and Joker barely refrained from sighing in appreciation.

"I don't think I'm that curious," Garrus replied quickly.

"See? You understand humans already!" Ella clapped him on the shoulder.

"I think that's a universal woman thing, Commander."

"Good with the turian ladies, are you, Garrus?" Joker interrupted, drawing her attention back towards him, even if only briefly.

"I hold my own." Garrus paused, his eyes tightening with an almost imperceptible wince. "So to speak."

Ella's lips twitched at Garrus' choice of phrasing, and Alenko slumped further down on the bench, trying his best to disassociate himself from the entire conversation, a smile threatening to break free.

"Hey, Garrus... " Joker kept his eyes on Alenko as he prepared his revenge. "What do turian women have going for them? No boobs, right?" He paused briefly as everyone turned to stare. "What? I don't get out of the cockpit much."

"Uh, no," Garrus chuckled. "No... boobs," he paused briefly in his pronunciation, as if it wasn't a word he'd been called on to say very often.

 _Hmm, not red enough yet, Joker decided, eyeing Alenko's flushed cheeks._ "So, Commander … where does the Marine Commander have her tattoo?"

"Same place I have mine," Ella answered smoothly. "Why?"

"Wait, what?" Joker's eyes shot to the commander. "You both have tattoos? Alenko, you been holding out on me?

Ella glanced at Alenko as he dropped his face briefly into his hands. "Is there a reason you're trying to make Alenko's head explode, Moreau? Or are you always this much trouble when someone drags you away from your pilot seat?"

"He's always this much trouble." Alenko sighed. "It's his second favorite hobby."

"After the porn collection?" Garrus asked with an amused twang.

Joker waved a dismissive hand at Garrus, keeping his attention on his flight commander. "You're avoiding my question."

"'Course I am," Ella retorted. "Don't want to encourage you."

"Oh, c'mon. Encourage me a little?"

"Why should I?" Ella asked.

"I promise to be a good boy?" Joker pleaded. "For a little while?"

"Now why would you lie to me like that? And with witnesses?"

"Tease." Joker twisted on the bench until he was facing her more directly, straightening out the crick he'd been developing in his neck.

"You're the one making promises you don't intend to keep, and I'm a tease?"

"I intend to keep it." I'm a lot of things, not a liar. "That's why I said, 'for a little while'." Joker scowled, ignoring the sight of Meghan and Alexis hovering to the side, as they'd obviously come looking for the missing third of their team. No one else seemed to have noticed the two approach, their attention on Joker and Ella.

"How do you define 'good'?" Ella asked eventually. "Or 'a little while'?"

"I promise to limit my impertinent questions until the next shift." _That's probably too easy. Unless she doesn't remember I've got a sleep-shift scheduled shortly?_

"So, limit, but not stop, for an hour? That gets you nothing." Ella proclaimed.

 _Well, there went that theory. Take two_ … "I'll be downright professional for the next hour?"

"Then yes." Ella nodded briskly. "I have a tattoo. Your hour starts now."

 _Hell, yeah... wait... crap._ Joker suddenly realized he was sitting there with his mouth open, and heard himself make a slightly strangled gasp as he was forced to close his mouth on any follow up questions.

Alenko was no help at all, practically doubled over as he laughed with glee. "She's got you there, Joker."

"Oh, grow a quad, kid," Wrex grunted.

 _Does he mean I should stop with the almost whimper thing, or that I should ask her anyways?_ Krogan are very confusing, sometimes. Joker scowled as he tried not to wonder what her tattoo was, or where, or when she got it, and what it meant, and what she'd look like with nothing on to hide it …

"He can't, Wrex," Alenko scowled at the mercenary, obviously taking the second interpretation of the krogan's comment. "He just gave his word."

"Humans place importance on this?" Garrus asked thoughtfully.

"Very much so," Alexis unexpectedly answered, surprising another group flinch.

"The good ones, anyway," Joker heard Ella mumble softly, but he was pretty sure her voice hadn't been loud enough to carry to anyone else.

"All this over ink?" Meghan asked, one eyebrow lifting as she surveyed the rather rag-tag group.

"Damn, my play time's over, isn't it?" Ella sighed, her voice at its regular volume again. "Sorry."

"I think we'll be stopping for the night anyway," Alexis replied slowly, her eyes noticeably shadowed and tired-looking. "We'll be hitting home sector early tomorrow."

"All right, Garrus, I need you to give me a tour of the repairs to the Mako," Meghan began briskly. "Alenko, check with Williams on our weapons' readiness. Wrex? Armor check please. If you don't need me any more, Commander?" She aimed her gaze at the CO, and Alexis waved her off with a short nod.

Garrus extricated himself from the table to follow orders, trotting to catch up to the much shorter blonde human. "Is a tattoo like a turian's face paint?" His distinctive voice started as they rounded the corner to the elevator, Wrex's larger form slowly following.

"More permanent," Meghan answered. "Why?"

"Why would you hide it?" Garrus was still clearly audible, even though they were all now out of sight on the other side of the elevator.

"In general? Or do you mean me, specifically?"

"You?"

"I'm going to kill Alenko." The sound of the elevator door closing cut off any other comments as the mis-matched trio continued on their way to the cargo bay.

"Good night, gentlemen," Alexis nodded to the remaining Alliance officers before returning to her quarters, one sharp glare reminding Ella to head off on some task of her own as well, Ella's returning nod stiff and formal. _Ooh, someone hasn't talked about Butcher tactics yet._

Joker kept an eye on the very slight sway in the Flight Commander's stride until the med-bay's doors slid closed behind her. _Guess I'll forgive the Alliance and their tight uniforms, cause watching that ass walk away …_

"Try not to drool on the table, Joker, someone else might notice."

"Why what huh?" Joker wrenched his attention back to his sole remaining table-mate.

"I'd figured that was why you were Crazy Jack-Ass Flight Lieutenant this tour, rather than simply pulling your usual Flight Lieutenant Crazy-Jack-Ass routine, if you see the difference."

Joker blinked in slightly stunned silence, as he was rather afraid he did. "Am I that obvious?"

Alenko shrugged, a sympathetic smile twisting his lips. "Probably not to anyone else."

"Damnit," Joker slumped down on his bench, one toe nudging against the crutches resting on the floor beneath him. "Only probably. Shit. I'm doomed."

"There are worse things than being attracted to your CO, Joker, and we both know it. I don't think some interpersonal discomfort is quite the same as doomed."

"You can say that because you got encouragement. From her best friend. Jerk." His scorn was half-hearted at best. Mr. Perfect Marine and the Hero of Elysium were disgustingly well-matched. If only either of them would pull their noses out of The Book long enough to act on it, this cruise would be much more entertaining. And he wasn't so much of a jack-ass not to wish his friend some happiness. And lots of sex.

"Look, no matter what you think you heard when the Flight Commander was talking, nothing is going to happen." Alenko managed to sound like he meant it. Boyscout. "No messing with the chain of command."

"Or you get beaten with it?"

"Until morale improves."

Joker snickered in appreciation. "Think alcohol would work better for that, as boring as hurry up and wait gets after awhile. Shame Julia's not allowed to spit out some beer, huh?"

"Like you haven't figured out how to hack the contraband locks yet."

"Well, yeah, but … " Joker admitted. "Open mess. We'd so get caught."

"Which means the flight commander would yell at you again."

"Shit. Why didn't I think of that?" Joker fumbled under the table for his crutches again, pausing once he finally got himself standing and stable next to Alenko. "Wait. Why did you think of that? Bet you've never had a single demerit on that sparkly file of yours."

"And I'd like to keep it that way." Alenko shoved his own bench back slowly. "And even you, helmsman extraordinaire, will get yourself grounded if you push things too far. Perhaps you should try to get some sparkle back in your file? Actually keep your mouth shut and follow the rules? Just for a day or two, see how it goes."

Joker rolled his eyes. "Why do you keep trying to be my mother, today?"

"Someone has to, if we want to keep you flying _Normandy_. And I'm smart enough to want that, when the shit finally hits the fan."

"Huh." Shit, we can all feel things just about to go horribly, horribly wrong, can't we? "Thanks. Knock it off. I made it this far, didn't I? Go mother Williams, I'll be fine. I'll go tuck myself in my own little sleep pod and get plenty of rest, just like a good little boy, so I can fly us through an asteroid field tomorrow in case anything goes horribly, horribly wrong." Joker's smile wasn't particularly amused. "See, I can still be a Flight Lieutenant. Occasionally. If I have to."

"Glad to hear it. Good night, Joker."

"Sweet Dreams, Alenko."


	37. Complications

Ella Shepard sighed, dropping her head onto the pillow of her arms folded on the table, her feet tucked under the bench. It was much too early to be awake, but not late enough it was worth forcing herself back down to the crew deck. Sleeping pods were well outside her ability to cope this particular AM.

_And even the thought of coffee is making me slightly queasy. Damnitalltohellandback, I am never dealing with asari again. Stupid fucking mindmeld, stupider fucking nightmares, stupidest fucking idiot who thought up sleep-pods and is hopefully burning in hell for three eternities. Or four. OR five. Five’s a nice round number._

_I am awake before Lex. That’s just not right on so many levels._

She closed her eyes with another sigh, pretending she was somewhere more comfortable than the mess-hall at almost 0400 in the damn morning.

Breathe in. _Picture a nice big bed. By a nice big window. Open. With a sea breeze._

Breathe out. _Oooh, it could be a canopy bed. Drifting fabric. Pretty as a vid-set._

Breathe in. _Or one of those classy hotels that always seems slightly horrified to have marines in them. Those are fun to find on shore leave._

Breathe out. _Shore leave. Too long in a damn tiny boat. Should’ve taken that Citadel detour after Feros. Gotten some air._

Breathe in. _Air is good._

Breathe out. _Shit, heading towards the bad thoughts again. Back to the pretty bed._

Breathe in. _Fancy sheets to go with the fancy view._

Breathe out. _Soft pillow. Salt and sun and gulls calling._

_Gulls are remarkably expressive._

_Almost like they’re carrying on a conversation._

_“My wave.”_

_“Nice sun.”_

_“Good breeze.”_

_“Silly people.”_

_“My fish.”_

_“No, my fish!”_

_“Mine, mine.”_

_Talking._

_People calling. Shouting. Screaming. Shooting._

_Silence._

_Fingers slack, no longer holding hers, hadn’t held hers for a long time, skin cold, ashy, not warm and brown to match her own. No noise, no movement. Could barely even smell the fires anymore. But there was, something, a tickle between her ears, an itch deep in her brain._

Someone was out there.

_It was cold. Robert was too heavy, the wall collapsed on top of them having settled hours ago. No more creaking, no shifting. She couldn’t feel her legs. She tried to move. Nothing. Again. Nothing._

_Nothing._

_Nothing._

_It was getting harder to breathe. All she could think about was that wall, and night coming, and everyone being dead, and it might have been better to get taken than to have to lie here, under her brother, feeling his heart stop, his blood drying, the drips slowing as it got colder and darker and colder and quieter and..._

Something had her! Blue everywhere, flames searing down her spine, standing on her feet, panting, a loud thud, a gasp, a shout, voices whispering, a rush of water through her brain, pouring down her nerves, cooling the fire, footsteps, growing louder, running towards her, ice and wind and rocks tumbling after, more water, cold and still, already waiting in the background.

“What the...” Ella whispered in confusion, blinking as she slowly realized she was awake. Not on Mindoir. Never again on Mindoir. _Normandy._ In the mess. With an audience.

_Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck._

There was Quinn, head down, head down and breathing hard, back against the bulkhead, legs sprawled across the floor in front of her, hand to her forehead, Naismith crouched right next to her, hand on her shoulder, one nervous glare shooting in the Flight Commander’s general direction before turning back to check on his nav officer. _I’m so sorry, Quinn._

“Ma’am?” Alenko’s voice, a cautious rasp behind her, caused her to close her eyes to suppress her own horrified reaction. _I just... I don’t know what... how... what did I do? What do I do now?_

“I’m fine,” _now_ , “under control. Can you escort Lieutenant Quinn to sickbay, Lieutenant Alenko? Make sure I didn’t accidentally damage anything?” 

A singularly unhelpful pause. Ella could feel Alenko not wanting to walk away. She was afraid to turn and look at him. She might cry if he looked disappointed, or worried about what she’d do next. He wouldn’t look scared, he was too good at his job. Even when said job was dealing with crazy superior officers, she bet. 

She was afraid to open her eyes and look at anyone, to be honest. _Honesty sucks. I’m a big fucking coward today._

“Please?” She tried not to wince as she heard her voice crack on the word.

“It’s alright, Lieutenant.” Lex. Calm and cool as always. Ridiculously grateful, for once, for her friend’s iron control, she tried to pretend she had some herself, conveniently ignoring all the times she’d tried to get Lex to have a little less.

“We’ve got her.” Meg. Stepping close enough Ella could feel the warmth of her body just past her elbow. “Nothing to see here, people!” Meg’s command voice, carrying across the deck. Footsteps as Alenko moved past them. Soft whispers as he checked Quinn, soothed Naismith, maneuvered them towards med-bay.

A soft grunt. Wrex. Ella finally opened her eyes, head tilted toward the heavy sound of the alien vanguard’s footsteps. He grunted again when he caught her fleeting gaze, nodding slightly, before turning and stomping away, scattering the few remaining crew who hadn’t quite moved away yet. _Ah well, the krogan still likes me. That’s oddly comforting._

_I have crossed the line into crazy-ville, haven’t I?_

Feeling slightly lightheaded, Ella forced herself to turn, following Lex and Meg into the CO’s quarters without another word, avoiding glancing in the direction of the asari scientist still hovering in the background, clearly worried.

“What the hell?” Meg, tactful as always, shoving her towards a chair, making sure she was comfortable. Taking care of her. _Love my girls._

Lex’s fingers twitching oh-so-slightly, searching for piano keys, resisting the urge to run them through her hair, or offer a comforting touch. _Has to be in charge. Always in control. Wasn’t I just happy about that, and now I want to slap her? I’m extra bitchy._ “Ella? What happened?

“I...” _fuck,_ “I’m not completely sure?”

“Guess.”

“I, well, I think I fell asleep at the table, and Quinn tried to wake me up, and uh, you both know how well I sleep, and well, worse than usual, and I flared, and apparently I threw,” Ella stopped, suddenly realizing her bench had been against the wall too, trays scattered across the floor, napkins covering one of the other tables, one solitary mug still spinning around and around under Julia’s console. “Apparently I flared through the entire fucking mess? Oh god...” Ella dropped her head into her hands with something approaching a whimper. “Aw, hell.”

Lex’s voice, whispering past her fingers to her ears. “Do you need a trip to med-bay too?” 

Meg snorting in an odd combination of frustration, amusement, and worry, speaking up at the same time. “Shit, Ella. I thought I drew the crazy straw this cruise.”

“Hey, I can be special too.” Ella mumbled past her hands, before sighing and lifting her head, continuing in a more normal tone of voice, her brain finally settling back into her body, reality no longer feeling five steps off to the side. “Unfortunately. And unless Chakwas has the cure for asari telepathy shit, I doubt she’ll help. It was just a particularly bad nightmare. In public. Fuck.”

Meg stepped closer to Ella’s chair, one hand dropping with a comforting squeeze onto her shoulder. “Deep breaths. Buy Quinn and Naismith several rounds of drinks on our next shore leave to make it up to them.”

“Oh yes, they’ll want to spend time with me. And alcohol.” Something between a bitter laugh and a snort leaked past Ella’s lips. “Cause they’re already so impressed by my control when I’m sober.”

“Well, when you fail to mention that you’re having problems sleeping, and then decide to take a nap in the mess, things unfortunately become public.” _Brutally honest there, huh, Lex? And now you’re disappointed in me. Damnit. No crying, that’ll just make it worse. I know I’m supposed to make your life easier, not harder... damnit damnit damnit. I am better than this. WHAT THE HELL._

“I didn’t say you should drink. And yes, why were you passed out in the mess?”

Ella paused, suddenly realizing Meg had been talking while she berated herself in her head, desperately trying to get her brain to figure out what the question had been. “Umm... damn tiny coffin-looking pods?” _Oh yeah, that made sense._

Amazingly, it apparently had, as Meg didn’t miss a beat, her eyebrows frowning down at her friend, worry apparent in the shadows of her eyes. “When did you become claustrophobic again?”

 _When the batarians tried to bury me in the tunnels of Torfan, I just usually hide it better... I swear that stone was possessed. It_ wanted _to fall on us._ “Well, trying really hard to hide the bad boxes in my brain in preparation for the creepy-mind-meld seems to have inspired my brain to be unable to think about anything else.” Ella shrugged uncomfortably. ”Especially while I’m sleeping. Ships are really fucking small. Even the hallways. The mess and the cargo bay? Two biggest rooms. And I already went for a run.”

Ella tried to ignore the worried glance Meg and Lex shared over her head, staring down at her hands in her lap, listening to herself breathe. “Do you need the doctor to prescribe you something?” Lex’s voice was warm, and worried. Not enough anyone else would notice, but Ella felt the slightest tinge of relief loosening the tightened muscles throughout her chest.

Shaking her head vehemently, Ella forced herself to look up at the acting-Captain. “Please no. Then I can’t wake up from the bad ones.”

“Need to spar more.” Ella turned her head towards Meg when she spoke up behind her. “You haven’t been down in the hold lately. I haven’t kicked the crap out of you in a while.”

“Ha! Wrex has been, actually. Biotic training.” _Violence, Meg’s cure for everything. Works for her, at least._

“Uh, screw biotic training. This is to get the kinks out. And to fight the demons.”

“Wasn’t disagreeing,” Ella laughed weakly. “Just... hadn’t been avoiding you on purpose. Cause trust me. Wrex biotic sparring? As painful as you are.”

“See to it that you take one of them up on their offer so you can work out whatever issues.” _And back to command voice. The woman’s gonna give me frostbite._ “And, about the sleep thing, find a cot and drag it in here if you can’t take the pods for awhile.” _Was that a smile now? Screw frostbite, she’s gonna give me whiplash. Where are you Lex, and what are you doing?_

“Scuttlebutt will have you two dating in no time.” Meg laughed, her worry disappearing with genuine amusement. “Think I’d rather sleep in the Mako.”

"Coffin on wheels, yay.” Ella shuddered slightly. “With a grouchy turian mechanic to wake you up first thing in the morning.” 

“I think I’d rather deal with the sordid gossip of having Ella bunk in here, then what you’d get sleeping in the Mako.” _Ooh, Ella. Not the Flight Commander. Apparently she isn’t going to keelhaul me._

“I’m not going to go sleep with the cop, or try and smother him in his sleep.” Meg rolled her eyes. “Look, Ella, you all right now?”

“Painfully embarrassed, but yeah, fine.”

Ella held Meg’s gaze steadily as the Marine Commander attempted to glare her down, ending with a slight nod when neither of them blinked. “Come pick a fight with me next time the walls start closing in. Got it?”

“You know that means I’ll be waking you up at oh-dark-thirty, right?” Ella attempted to smile, slightly. Meg was not a morning person. “And you that early is hysterical. Thanks. We can be miserable together.”

“I’ll be in the proper mood to kick your ass then.” Meg shrugged nonchalantly. “A fight that early is better than coffee. Got work. Things to see and people to do.” She winked at Ella’s involuntary snort, waving airily as she turned and strode out the door. The air seemed a bit thinner without Meghan crackling energy all over the place.

A moment of uncomfortable silence. Ella shifted in her chair again, before forcing herself to speak up. “Sorry, Shepard. For not being smart enough to notice there was a problem before, well, there was a problem. I really didn’t plan on falling asleep at a table.”

Lex stared at her silently for a moment, her gaze oddly opaque. “You’re going to have to talk to Chakwas.”

“I know that.” Ella suppressed a sigh, tilting her head slightly as she tried to read Lex’s lack of expression. “I do try not to be an idiot. Especially not twice in one day.”

Lex stood completely still, obviously not fidgeting, even more obviously holding back whatever the fuck it was she was thinking. “I’ll have the doctor come check on you once she is done in the med-bay. Consider yourself confined to quarters for the interim.”

Biting back an urge to snarl, Ella forced up her own professional mask. “Yes, ma’am.” _I miss being your friend. Why won’t you let anyone be your friend? Stupid promotion._

“I’m going to try and minimize this as much as possible.” The slightest of pauses, a catch in her rhythm, quickly glossed over as she continued. “With luck, no one was actually injured, and this can be filed away without a major incident report.” Another pause. _A chink in the Shepard armor?_ “Try and get some actual rest in the meantime, okay?”

“Ma’am,” Ella whispered softly, nodding in agreement, her eyes dropping to her lap yet again.

She listened to Lex’s footsteps as she turned towards the door, but they stopped almost as soon as they started. “Look, Ella...” she stopped, coughing slightly. “I have to be the commander first, here. It sucks, but it’s my job. I have to make sure everyone here is okay.” _But do you have to be The Commander to do it? Never thought you’d remind me of your mother. Oh god, I can’t believe I just thought that. That is so out of line. Unfair, untrue, and extra bitchy. What is WRONG with me?_ “But remember,” Lex’s voice continued, mercilessly determined, “you told me not too long ago to not forget to ask for help. The same goes for you. We’re all fighting our own horrors, and we’ve never been big on sharing, but all you need to do is ask. Ask me. Ask Meghan. Ask somebody.” Ella could feel Lex waiting when she paused again, but couldn’t make herself look up, speak up, do anything beyond the slightest of nods, yet again. “I’ll come check on you later,” Lex finished, voice impossibly soft before she slid out the door.

 _Aw, fuck._ Ella sniffed once, hard, before throwing her head back against the chair with a thump. _I didn’t know I was being an idiot before I was an idiot, or of course I would’ve asked for help. You’re the one who hides in her head all the time, not me._

_Except, now I apparently do too. When the fuck did that start?_

_Somehow, I doubt I can blame Liara for that one._

_Well, I_ could...

_No._

_I was avoiding dealing with my own brain after that damn meld went sideways, all proud I kept Mindoir and Torfan away from everyone else. ‘Meg’s too emotional, and Lex has too much self-control for her own good, so that makes me the sensible one!’ Bullshit._

_Pride. Fucking pride. Damnit, Mama, when did I turn into such an arrogant twit?_

Scowling to herself, Ella stood, kicking off her boots before stomping in her stocking feet over to Lex’s bed. Throwing herself face first onto the comforter, she buried her head under the pillow and tried to pretend this particular day had never started. 

_Dear Mama, please smack me upside the head if I am ever this stupid again. You’re smart. You can figure out how to do that, even though you’re dead. Thank you kindly, Eleanora Grace, who is not living up to her middle name, and apparently hasn’t been for awhile now._

~*~

“Incoming message from Admiral Hackett for Flight Commander Shepard.”

“Wha-huh?” Shoving desperately at a pillow, Ella tried to figure out why she was hearing voices in her sleep.

“What, did the doc give you the good drugs to combat the crazies? WAKE UP, Commander.”

“Hell, Joker...” Ella could feel her hair standing pretty damn close to straight up, and her eyes didn’t want to focus, and she was pretty sure her teeth had fur. “Fuck?” _Where... am... sitting on Lex’s bed?_

“Anytime, Commander, just say the word.” _Damn pilot’s laughing at me._ “However, it is now 1300 ship time, and we just got a buoy bounce from Central, so it’ll have to wait. Admiral Hackett wants to speak to you.”

 _1300? Already, I slept til... wait? Hackett?!?_ “He wants, what, why? He’s on the line?”

“Well, not literally. Figured I should make sure you weren’t beating up some more innocent crew members before I cued him up for you.” Joker’s easy patter paused as she snarled slightly at him, but he continued undaunted. _As usual._ “Ready, ma’am? It’s audio only, so you don’t need to come up to the comm room.”

“Um. Yeah? I mean, yes, patch him through. Thank you, Moreau.”

“Commander.” The Admiral’s familiar rough tones filled the CO’s quarter without leaving room for anything else. _How does he do that? He’s not even here._ “We’ve got a situation here that requires your expertise.” _Well, hell, that means they need dead bodies, or they’d just call Lex and let her pick the team. Fuck. The Alliance is not making my crappy day better._ “A group of fanatical biotics have kidnapped the Chairman of the Parliament SubCommittee on Transhuman Studies.” _Wait, who? Burns? That idiot who keeps stonewalling the bills for L2 reparations? Shit, they can have him._ “Their freighter sustained heavy damage during their escape, and we’ve tracked their drive-trail to the Hades Gamma Cluster. Farinata System, to be exact. Get in there and take them down.”

“Them being L2’s, sir? Because of the bill?”

“Apparently they want the Chairman to... reconsider.” _So they turned themselves into kidnappers and terrorists? That’s fucking brilliant._ “Intel has the freighter as heavily loaded, so be prepared for traps and drones. Nothing you can’t handle.”

“And the Chairman?”

“Your top priority is to neutralize the biotics. We must make it clear that these tactics don’t work, Commander.”

 _In other words, someone wants me to clean up the mess, and would secretly prefer some collateral damage. Probably lots of collateral damage._ Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Ella swallowed a grunt of annoyance before forcing herself to speak up. “Understood, sir.”

She heard the faintest breath of air. _Did Hackett just sigh?_ “Good luck, Commander. Fifth Fleet out.” 

Silence surrounded Ella as she slumped on the mattress. _Fuck politicians. Never admit that maybe there wasn’t any better way to deal with a clusterfuck of four-eyes then what I did, but any time they need someone out of the way and don’t want to admit it, they call the fucking Butcher. Well, they make The Admiral call the fucking Butcher, which I’m sure is just the bestest use of his time. Not like the head of the Fifth Fleet has anything better to do, nope, course not._

_Hope he made them grovel. Or got a new ship out of them, or something._

“So, gonna tell me why I’m suddenly heading back to the last Relay to get us to Hades Gamma, Commander?” Joker piped up again. _Incorrigible bastard._

“Ours is not to reason why, Moreau.”

“Are you quoting poetry shit at me, Commander? I’m pretty sure someone made me read that one.”

“Hell if I know, I’m quoting the Marine Commander at you. The Alliance wants us to kill some idiots. What else do you need to know?”

“Not a thing, ma’am.”

~*~

“You see?” The bald angry man with the gun to Burns’ head glanced around the room at his fellow kidnappers, trying to pretend he was giving a speech at a podium rather than hiding terror at the marines’ quick assault through his stalled ship to reach his control room. Ella Shepard recognized the flicker in his eyes, though, the slight waver in his voice. He was scared shitless, and liable to do something stupid because of it. “Try to write letters, use the system, and they ignore you. Force is the only thing people appreciate.”

“Are you sure you’re prepared for that?” Ella spoke up, her voice cold. _I can be a lot scarier than you, baldy. Hope it works before I have to kill you and all your friends._ “I think we’ve got a bit more experience with force than you do.” _Unless someone in this room is smart enough to figure out the weakness in our position, the way that side wing is set up behind us..._

“Maybe, but I can kill your back-up from here before any of you can turn to get me.” The voice at 7 o’clock had a bit of a waver, but the hidden woman was right. Or would have been right, if the Lieutenant didn’t have really good armor... 

“What do you hear, LT?” _Dear God, please let Lex have included our old code in their morning chats..._

Ella glanced back just long enough to catch Alenko’s eyes, noting the slight widening through his visor as he figured out what she was doing and replied, “Nothing but the rain.” Abbreviating a normal mnemonic to the slightest shift in weight, his barrier lit up the room in flickering blue glory just as she pulled her trigger, her bullet flattened by opposing forces before it fell to the ground at his feet, her pistol continuing in its arc to take out the shooter perched on a crate behind him. 

Who did not have good armor, or active shields, or anything like Alenko’s remarkable control, and had dropped her protective stance while she watched Shepard shoot at her own back-up. Nothing slowed down the slug as it ripped through her chest, blood spraying as she was pushed down the far side of the crate by the bullet’s force.

Ella spun the rest of the way around until she was facing the noticeably paler leader again, ignoring the Chairman’s sputtered attempt to scream at her not to provoke them, to keep him alive _goddamnit_. “We’re a lot harder to kill than you are. Unless you’re dumb enough to think the battlemaster there,” her head tilted towards Wrex, who grunted slightly in acknowledgment, “can’t handle a bullet even better than us squishy humans? Do you really want to take the chance that somehow you’ll make it out of this room alive?”

“You take us out, you’ll lose Burns!” The poor L2 stuttered, his voice barely carrying over the politician’s continued whimpering.

“Do you know who I am, Chairman?” Ella asked conversationally, ignoring the terrorist completely.

Burns stopped his whining long enough to scowl at her. “Yes.”

“Will it shut you up if I tell you that Command requested me particularly? I wasn’t just the closest Alliance officer they could throw at this ship. You know what it means when that happens. So maybe you should just be quiet, unless you want to be another red stain on the deckplates?”

Burns’ shoulders slumped in defeat, a soft hiss whispering past his lips as he did, actually, miraculously, shut the fuck up.

A second soft grunt from the krogan behind her signified Wrex’s amused appreciation of her tactics. Or his disappointment that she hadn’t just shot the politician. Hard to tell. Either way, it made her oddly inclined to smile herself. The cell-leader, however, was not sharing her happy. His eyes were wide, his hands shaking. _Oops. Think I scared him too much. Damnit._ “You do realize, that if I have to kill you all, you won’t be the only L2’s getting their blood spilled?”

“What do you mean?” One of the biotics lining the walls spoke up, taking a tentative step towards her. _And away from their panicking leader. Point for the Alliance._

“Thanks to you, ALL L2’s will now be thought of as terrorists. How do you think most people are going to react to that one?”

“But he denied the reparations!” The head kidnapper spoke up, his hands steady again. “Some of us are crippled by the side-effects, and he gave us NOTHING! We don’t have any thing else to live for! What were we supposed to do? Die quietly in the background so no one had to admit how badly they screwed us?”

“I’m sorry!” The idiot politician interrupted. “I’ll bring it back up in committee, I promise. I didn’t realize how desperate... “ he trailed off as the entire room glared at him.

“Then you weren’t doing your job,” Ella snarled at Burns. She turned her glare towards the man still hovering behind him, though his gun wasn’t pointing at anything in particular anymore. “And you can still salvage this if you surrender; you haven’t killed anyone yet. Let the Fifth Fleet pick you up, and cooperate your bloody stupid biotic asses off.”

“I...” The man closed his eyes, slowly. His arm lowered along with his breath as he sighed, and nodded. Wrex was somehow, silently, ( _how the fuck is the giant krogan always so damn quiet?_ ) right behind him, sliding the pistol out of his now limp grasp.

“Alright then.” Ella nodded briefly at Alenko, who stepped forward and helped Burns to his feet. “We’ll deal with the Chairman, so no one’s tempted with the killing again, and keep you company til the freighter gets here to drag you all back to Arcturus. Behave, so I don’t have to come back aboard.” 

Wrex started a circuit of the room as she talked, collecting weapons and glaring at the few who looked inclined to protest until they wilted against the wall, the blue flicker of his own _barrier_ a potent reminder not to try biotics on a big scary krogan who was probably older than the most of the rest of the people in the room all added together.

 _Well, hell. That worked. Now I just have to explain to Lex why I shot at her Lieutenant. That’ll be fun. Good thing he’s all perfect-2iC-borderline-psychic or I’d have to explain why I actually shot him. That would be bad._

~*~

“Well, Commander. I’m... surprised at the results. Certainly not disappointed, however. You should only need to continue guard duty for a few hours before the transport arrives to pick up the prisoners and shuttle the Chairman back home. Thank you, Shepard. Hackett out.” 

_Was that approval hiding in The Admiral’s gravelly voice? Not like he’ll ever tell me, but I think it was. Huh._

Ella sighed slightly, leaning back on her heels in the comm room. That conversation had gone better than she’d had any right to expect, since she hadn’t actually killed everyone. Only one person, in fact.

_And they will all soon be safely on their way back to civilization, where they can be someone else’s damned problem._

_Idiots._

Ella turned around and paused, glaring at the comm room door. Flared in the mess. Got called on a Butcher job for Hackett. Shot Alenko. _Can I just hide in here for the next month or so? No? Damn. Should probably go check on the LT. And apologize to our CO._ Ella’s feet refused to move, for a moment, before she forced out yet another sigh, and settled into her usual stomping stride out the room... and despite her best intentions, she was half-way to the cockpit before her brain realized she was going the wrong way to get to the crew deck.

And then she paused awkwardly at the realization they were talking about her up ahead, and hadn’t apparently heard her approaching. Yet.

“SHE SHOT THE LT!” Well, Williams was yelling loudly enough to be heard down on the crew deck. Someone was going to turn and look at the noise and see the Flight Commander, and it was going to be horribly, horribly awkward at any moment.

“Brilliant, wasn’t it?” Joker turned to grin at Williams, and Ella blinked slightly in surprise, as she was pretty sure he winked at her in the process. _Well, shit, knew I wasn’t sneaky._ “Avoided a fire fight, brought everyone back in one piece. Thought you soldier types appreciated that?”

“She shot the LT, Joker! Who’s she going to shoot next? Or sic her friendly pet krogan on?”

“Wrex is no one’s pet,” Ella spoke up. “And not that friendly. Wouldn’t say anything like that in his hearing. Chief.”

Williams stiffened, but turned to aim her angry glare at the Commander, her spine straight and her gaze direct, refusing to back down. “You shot your own second, Commander. And Wrex just chuckled when I asked him about it. What do you expect me to say?”

“That you never want to be on my ground team.” Ella shrugged. “Just don’t go antagonizing a Battle Master. Not good for your life expectancy, even when he’s on our side.”

“Is he? Are you?” 

_NCO with a spine of steel. Li would’ve loved you._ Ella felt the familiar twinge of old sorrow, and sighed slightly. “I think he is, and I know I am, but you’re perfectly entitled to disagree with me, Chief. As long as you still do your job.”

“Which involves putting myself in your line of fire. Ma’am.” Williams twisted the last word into a verbal jab, the usual formality an insult.

“Hell, she didn’t even ding Alenko’s armor,” Joker interrupted. “Stop being so melodramatic, Williams.” 

“You don’t shoot your own people, Joker!” Williams turned her glare back towards the pilot, obviously wondering how she’d gotten surrounded by crazy people who didn’t understand this basic truth.

“I shot _at_ him, Williams, to make a point, and to avoid wiping out an entire ship full of people who mostly had the shit kicked out of them their whole lives.”

“So the bad guys lives are more important than ours?”

“Everyone’s lives are more important than ours. That’s what it means to be a Marine. Do or die. If you don’t understand that, you deserved every shit groundside posting they ever gave you.” Ella swallowed the growl growing in her throat. _Do not lose temper with crew. Do not lose temper with crew._

Seemingly unaware of how much Ella wanted to shoot her too, now, Williams just snorted in disbelief. “You wouldn’t have shot at one of the Commanders. You would’ve thought of a better way.”

Ella leaned forward, trying desperately not to let the fire down her spine light up her fingertips. “I would shoot Meg or Lex between the eyes myself, if it meant the difference between success and failure, if it meant I kept one extra civilian alive.” _Course, I’d probably try and make sure I went out in a blaze of glory myself, as I doubt I’d want to live with that one..._ Suddenly oddly amused, she leaned back on her heels, her temper settling. “Just don’t see any particular reason to shoot everyone cause some politician or three doesn’t want to do his job.”

“Well, yes, politicians suck.” Joker interrupted Williams’ wide-eyed stare. “That’s not news. You up here to check on Alenko, Commander? He borrowed T’soni to help him baby-sit the L2s, as he figured Wrex’d just scare them into trying something stupid again, and non-biotics tend to have to shoot first, and since you went to the all the trouble of not shooting them in the first place...”

 _Holy Shit, Murphy left me alone. Thank you, Joker, for giving me an excuse to be up here beyond rambling feet and pissing off Meg’s second favorite NCO ever._ “That sounds like a spectacular idea.”

“What, not shooting, not inviting Wrex, inviting T’Soni, or calling Alenko?”

“All of the above.”

“You know how to work the comm, and the chair’s even nice and empty for you. Or, you know, my lap's always open."

Ella snorted. “Here I thought you didn’t actually like spending time in medbay on painkillers?”

“Hey, I can keep Quinn company. Medbay’s boring on your own.”

“Shut up, Moreau.” Joker smirked at her scowl, which made it rather less than satisfying, so she grunted and turned towards the Nav station, ignoring the soft snarl of Williams swearing under her breath before stomping away. _There goes someone about to file a complaint with the CO. Lex is gonna love me. Shooting her LT and giving her more paperwork. I am in deep shit. Bad Flight Commander. Though, hey, maybe they’ll bond over mutual distate of my tactics, and I can be Williams’ least favorite Shepard._

_Shit._

“Are you gonna actually call Alenko, Commander, or just glare at the console all day?”

“Glaring usually works for me, Lieutenant.” _Except on you. And shit, I sound like a sulky teenager. Hell._

“I’m sure the _Normandy_ is properly terrified, ma’am. But she needs you to actually push the button to work.”

“How has no one strangled you to put you out of everyone else’s misery yet?”

“Same reason you didn’t get court-martialed after Torfan. Too good at my job to let go.”

Clenching her fists, Ella shifted in her chair to yell properly at the Flight Lieutenant, only to be stopped by the sight of a glint of humor in his eyes, a smirk still hovering around his mouth.

“Trying to annoy me, are you Moreau?”

“Is it working?” The glint grew brighter, the smirk broadening into a grin.

“Apparently not,” Ella admitted, her own lips twitching into an answering smile.

“Guess I’ll have to keep practicing ‘til I get better at it.”

“Oh, it’s not just a natural talent then?”

“Everything gets better with practice.”

Snorting softly at the pilot’s ability to turn every single conversation into something inappropriate, Ella shook her head and dinged the LT’s comm.

“Alenko.”

“LT. How are our guests?”

“Tired. Behaving. I think they calmed down when they realized I was an L2, and told them you really weren’t going to come back and shut down the O2 on them, or something equally befitting your... earlier performance.”

“About that... you do know I wouldn’t have shot at you if you weren’t prepared, right?”

“I hoped so, ma’am.” He sounded slightly amused, under the formality, and Ella suppressed a slight sigh of relief. “I’d hate to think that my family would have to be informed of my death on account that my CO neglected to share the proper anecdote in passing.”

Joker’s smothered chuckle from behind her made it obvious he was eavesdropping. Not that she’d managed not to snicker at that one either. “Well, the Commander does talk to you more than just about anyone I’ve ever met. Figured there had to be useful intel in there somewhere.” _Crap, that was way too much info. Yet another reason for Lex to be pissed at me. Shit._

“Uh.” Alenko paused, and Ella was suddenly tempted to slam her head against her console in frustration with her own rampant stupidity, but for the fact that the Lieutenants would both hear her and it would not help her already tenuous claim of sanity. “Thank you? Commander.”

“You’re welcome.” _In for a penny? Lex is going to murder me. Slowly._ “If you turn out to be as much of an idiot as the asshole-of-a-fiance I never got a chance to shoot in the groin, I will deny ever encouraging you in the slightest. But I don’t think you will, so, uh, good luck?”

She could almost feel it as the eavesdropper behind her froze in surprise, and was pretty sure she heard a strangled cough through the comms. “Fiance? I mean, thank you? I mean...” Ella could clearly imagine poor Alenko rubbing his forehead as he attempted to pretend there was a remotely professional way to respond to her. “Could we perhaps finish this conversation some other time, ma’am?”

“You mean face to face when we’re not supposed to be on duty? No problem, LT. Thanks for baby-sitting so nicely, and thank T’Soni for me while you’re at it, alright? Shepard out.”

The fact that Moreau didn’t say anything after the comm clicked off was perhaps a touch nerve-wracking. _I will not be intimidated by my pilot._ “Gotta problem, Moreau?” She slid her chair around to eye the Flight Lieutenant, whose face was disturbingly blank.

“I’m inappropriate, but you just fixed up the CO and the Marine 2iC?”

“I did no fixing.”

“Um,” Joker paused, for once apparently at a loss for a good way to contradict her.

“I’ve read the files, you and Alenko have served together three times, and you always eat together, so I’m quite sure you picked up on their careful little dance at least as early as I did, and seem even less inclined to turn them in than I am, so no, I don’t think admitting it out loud was too inappropriate.” She barely resisted the urge to glare, as the man obviously had a point, she, just, couldn’t seem to keep the professional half of her brain working today.

Joker’s mouth closed with a snap, his eyes tight as he stared at her in silence for a moment, and she could suddenly _feel_ all the things he wasn’t saying, and apparently hadn’t been for a while, though she still had no clue what they were. _Damnit, pilot’s right. He is sneaky. When did I become such a lousy judge of character? Or his character, anyways..._

“If you say so, Commander.” She blinked at the surprising return of his rarely heard professional voice, and he turned back to his console, obviously finished talking to her.

“Well, then,” she responded awkwardly, before shoving herself out of her chair. “Work to do. Later, Moreau.”

“Ma’am,” his voice whispered across her senses as she turned and walked away, boots uncomfortably loud against the cold, hard deckplates. _Have I mentioned today sucks, Mama? Yes? Bears repeating. At least a few more times. Please let tomorrow be better. Just a little bit?_

~*~

A/N: Thank you, Battlestar Galactica and Finding Nemo.


	38. Hurry Up and Wait

Alenko was late.

Almost every morning, Alexis and Alenko gathered for coffee at 0445 hours. It gave them about 15 minutes before the rest of the crew would start waking for the morning shift to talk. Simple, harmless talking, that had begun shortly after Agebinium. The talks were fast becoming the highlight of her days on this tour. Something to look forward to after a poor night's sleep and her morning run. Two things she was guaranteed to have every day. Three, now that she was having these morning chats.

Except today he was late, as was evident by the empty chair across from her, and the untouched cup of coffee. Black, just as he always drank. _The soon to be cold cup of black coffee_ , a tiny voice reminded her, her mental clock ticking away another minute. She did her best to ignore that voice, and the bundle of nerves that it brought to her stomach, instead taking a long drink from her own nearly empty cup.

He was likely just having a late start for a change. There were plenty of perfectly valid reasons for him to be late. None of which really made her feel any better at the moment, and that only aggravated the fact that she was bothered at all by the situation. _Because then Meghan might be right that things couldn't be kept strictly platonic_.

Biting back a sigh, she finished off her current cup and went to get herself a second, pretending that she didn't realize that it was now seven minutes past their normal meeting time. No, this was fine; good, actually. She didn't need to talk to him every morning; she merely wanted to do so, and it was perfectly clear that her wanting was a bad thing, a very bad thing. _You should be worrying about the upcoming mission, not where your lieutenant is or is not_ , she chided herself as she poured.

Not that there was really much she could do to plan out or worry over the upcoming mission. Hackett had not provided them much more than the basic layout and vague warning of what to expect in the three bases. Between her and the other Shepards, their best idea was to orchestrate simultaneous strikes on the bases in an attempt to catch everything there off guard. Except how off guard could one really catch a computer? Wasn't part of the reason why they were superior based on the fact that they could run as many sub-routines as needed all at the same time?

Like a conductor, playing all the instruments in the symphony himself. _Once more, but with_ feeling _this time. I'd like to see someone explain_ that _to a computer._ She couldn't help but chuckle at that particular thought, being as she had cursed those very words more often than not.

Turning back around, she half expected to find him sitting at the table, drinking that cold coffee while he watched her quietly with those piercing dark eyes. As if he had been there all along. _What's so funny_? he'd ask, the sound of his voice chasing away all the other thoughts from her head, making her heart skip, and even occasionally her breath catch. _Like hearing the start of a violin solo. No, not a violin. A cello._ Only, the cup sat alone on the table, and now it was ten minutes past. Ten minutes, and she felt her stomach sink with disappointment, followed quickly with a snap of icy rage. _God damn you Meghan Hope Shepard. The next time you decide you want to fucking force your damned advice on me, I am going to break your jaw. I was doing just fine before your unwarranted intervention._

_Ah, to fucking hell with this_. She quickly downed her fresh cup before snatching the other from the table. She disposed of the contents, all the while fighting the urge to stalk over to the sleep pods and unceremoniously eject her so-called friend from its confines. Even if it would make her feel better in an extremely petty sort of way, it would not help salvage the start to this day, and to make matters worse, the next shift of crew would be soon spilling into the mess. Their queer looks towards her were the last thing she wanted to deal with on top of everything else.

There was bound to be new and exciting reports for her to distract herself with until it was time for the mission briefing, so she turned on her heel and started towards the CIC. Just as she was rounding the corner, she almost ran straight into Alenko, stopping just short of a full-on collision. But, it was still close enough to see the slight widening of his eyes in surprise and lift the heady scent of his aftershave to her nose.

A warm hand reached out and grabbed her forearm, helping to steady her from the near miss, her skin tingling underneath the touch. That small half-smile of his appeared on his face, her pulse speeding up at the sight. "Uh, good morning, Commander."

_Just like a cello_. The familiar sensation of heat flooded her cheeks at the thought, followed by a soft ache in her chest, and she immediately took a step backwards. "Lieutenant," she managed to say in an overly curt and professional manner before moving past him and towards the CIC. pretending she hadn't seen the brief flash of hurt in his eyes. _This is very bad. Very, very bad._

There had better be something she could fucking shoot on this _errand_ for Hackett.

_What was that old saying? When it rains, it pours?_ This day just kept getting worse. Alexis hated robots - damned, smart robots. It didn't matter what kind: geth, mechs, drones. She truly hated all of them at this point. Right now, it was the latter that was really making her seethe. And all because of that ridiculous favor asked of her and her team. The discrete job that Hackett had asked them to take care of turned out was more than just a rogue VI. It seemed the Alliance "might have" been dabbling into AI technology, that had decided to go its own path and hijacked the three military installations that he had detailed in their packets. The idea seemed to be that the remote locations of the bases on the lunar surface would be enough protection for both the Alliance and the AI research. Apparently, Murphy had different ideas for the Alliance – and of course – his favorite Shepards.

It certainly was clear that the simultaneous strikes that they had devised were not doing much to help, as the damned AI appeared unfazed by the coordinated strike. At the moment, it was unleashing wave after wave of drones, which was why Alexis hated the damned things the most at the moment. These were the kind of advanced drones used in training simulations, where the drones were able to both hover and fly for maneuverability, and more than a few were armed with rockets. Rockets, that when teamed with the superior tactical guidance of a rogue AI, were able to keep Alexis and her team pinned down behind two stacks of crates.

Liara and Alenko were less than a meter away behind the larger stack of crates while she was behind a shorter one, a narrow exposed pathway the only thing separating them. The two blips that remained on her sensors had managed to nail down a timing with the firing of their rockets to keep Alenko from sabotaging their guns. As soon as he would move to hit one, the other would dart out and launch a rocket. There was an almost staccato rhythm to it all. _Rocket. Pause. Rocket. Pause._

There had to be a way to break up their firing rhythm. Until then, they'd be sitting ducks. Especially if there was still a surplus of drones that the AI could activate. Pinned as they were, it would be far too easy to flank and overwhelm their position, and it would be a cold day in hell before Alexis was going to let that happen. This day had been bad enough, and the prospect of waiting around to be blown up was not going to make it any better. _Rocket. Pause. Rocket. Pause._

_Fuck, I'll just have to improvise. Just with what. There's nothing but drones and crates in this god forsaken building._ Suddenly, the echoes of the rockets stopped, but Alexis had not heard the tell-tale signs of dismantled drones. _Damn, damn, damn. The things aren't just going to wait us out._

"Commander, I believe that I can place a singularity between them that should be effective. I just need to get a little closer," Liara called out from her spot in cover.

"Don't!" Both she and Alenko called out to the asari as the normally timid scientist stepped out from behind cover. The sound of a fresh rocket filled the air, and the lieutenant attempted to reach for her and pull her back behind the crates; however, as soon as he had grabbed hold of Liara's arm, the impact of the rocket reverberated in the bunker, along with the flooding snap of biotic energy.

"Liara's down!" Alenko called out as he pulled himself back into cover, a biotic barrier flickering about him. Alexis had a sinking feeling that it was likely the only reason he too hadn't been taken out by that rocket, and she ignored the brief moment of terror that gripped at her. _What the hell was Liara thinking? God, damn it, I fucking hate drones._

Having no time left to try and think, she just had to act. Otherwise, they'd all be dead shortly. "Alenko! Stay in your cover!" Swapping out her assault rifle for her shotgun, she began backtracking towards the entrance. There had been another set of crates to the left.

"Commander? What-?"

"Just stay in cover! That's an order!" She couldn't stop to listen to his concerns. She had to focus. After a few seconds, she was back at the entrance and tried to reassess her options. She could either go back to where Alenko was, or attempt to flank the drones from the left, likely giving both drones a free alley to fire rockets down on her. _Fuck. Why can't the Alliance design bunkers that aren't so defensible for fucking machines!_ _I'd have to climb the fucking crates to try and get the drop on these things._

She blinked a moment. That wasn't any more crazy than trying to come at them head on. Maybe the damned AI wouldn't think of an assault from above, even if it was only six or so feet off the ground. _Oh what the hell..._

Alexis moved over to the crates, stashing her shotgun as she did, and pulled herself on top of the stack. Glancing out, she could see the two drones, parked behind their own set of crates. _Waiting. The little fuckers._ They, at least, had not noticed her, and so she slowly crept along the top. Unfortunately, there wasn't a clean lane of crates for her to move along, so she was going to have to make a more risky move.

_I can run to the ends of these, jump to the next, dive down, and hopefully direct their aim at each other._ There should be ample cover if she moved quick enough, and she really didn't have much in the way of a choice. It wasn't like she could call one of the other teams for backup, they would be in the middle of their own problems by now. No, it was up to them, and it was their best option right now. Taking a deep breath, she sprinted to the end of the crates and leaped over to the next.

The whirring of the drones began as soon as her feet hit the next set of crates, obviously alerted to her presence. In the distance, she heard Alenko call out "Alexis! No!" But it was too late to stop. Turning swiftly to her left, she could see the drones trying to adjust for her position from behind the crates she now stood on. She darted forward to the edge and then dove down between them, using her momentum to try and combat roll past the one on the right.

Her heart thudded in her chest as she quickly got back to her feet. She wasted no time in grabbing one of the grenades from her belt and throwing it at the farthest drone as she turned to flee for cover. She was just a few feet from the corner when she heard the concussive sound of multiple rockets being fired. _One_. She reached the edge of the cover the drones were hiding behind. _Two_. An explosion resounded in the air, accompanied by the sound of metal hitting the ground as she set off the grenade she had tossed earlier. _Three..._

Biotics that weren't her own suddenly flared around her as she was tackled out of the path of danger. It was like she was suddenly immersed in a deep pool of water and dragged into its depths, a loud ringing in her ears muffling the explosions in the room. Nerves, muscles twitched excitedly from the unknown energy, leaving her gasping for air as the sensation enveloped her. Momentum carried their bodies into a set of nearby crates, legs entangling and arms pressing the other close, to the point where she wasn't sure who was holding on to whom.

The only thing she was all too sure on was the fact that Alenko sprawled on top of her, pinning her to the ground, with the palpable heat exuding from their armors and the gentle hum of his biotics present. He pulled himself back slightly, propping himself up in order to give her room to move, but she found herself almost frozen in place, capable of only looking up at him as she did her best to remember to breathe. The faint blue corona of the barrier illuminated the strong features of his face, highlighting the beads of sweat that dripped from his dark curls, across his brow, down his nose and onto his lips. Lips that she wanted to reach out and trace, to feel the tiny imperfections and scars with her own lips, to see if they would taste of sweat and ozone.

Pushing herself up on her elbows, she found her face close to his, his breath tickling her skin, the scent of mint teasing her nose. She had yet been able to tear her eyes away from his, as she still mentally commanded herself to breath. There was just them at the moment, no one else, nothing to stop them. All she had to do was act. The biotic barrier faded as she tilted her head slightly, their lips brushing tentatively.

"Commander?"

The asari's voice startled both of them, and within moments, they were separated and standing, and she couldn't look at him. _Liara. Oh, God, I forgot about her. What the hell is wrong with me? She was still my responsibility. What if there had been more drones?_ She felt heat flush across her cheeks as her mind began the relentless assault on her abhorrent behavior.

Liara limped into view, and Alexis quickly moved to her, feeling the need to put physical distance between her and her lieutenant. "Are you okay?" she asked, ignoring the part of her that wanted to demand why she did something so foolish.

The asari managed a slight nod, "I think so..."

Jerking open her locker, Alexis quickly divested herself of her armor, dropping the pieces to the floor of the unit without much care. She had to move fast if she wanted to be gone before anyone else finished checking in their weapons. The last thing she wanted to do was to have to talk to anyone about what happened. Not Meg. Not Ella. Certainly not Kaidan.

Her pulse quickened at the thought of the lieutenant. His body pressed against hers as they lay on the floor. The overpowering scent of his aftershave mingling with ozone. The want to feel his lips against hers. It was getting progressively more difficult to repress those urges, even in combat. Had reality not crashed around them moments earlier, she was certain she would have caved then, more so than she had. _Fucking hell, Meg's right. I'm not very good at keeping this platonic. Damn her and her fat mouth._

No, she needed a shower. A very cold shower. And work. Work would keep her mind off _strong hands, scent of burnt ozone._ Grabbing the first set of clean clothes and her kit, she slammed the locker shut and bolted to the showers. It wasn't the fastest shower she ever took - that probably still was some time back in Basic - but she forced herself into the cold water, washed up, and pulled on her clothes and boots in probably less than seven minutes. It might have been faster, especially since she had forgotten her shirt back at her locker, but she had tried to let the cold water calm her ragged nerves by just standing underneath the downpour for a minute.

It hadn't really helped.

Damn it. She needed to get out of here. First, she still needed to get her shirt and toss her things back in the locker. Then she could get the hell out of this room and ignore everyone under the pretense of work. Rounding the corner back to where her locker was, she was immediately greeted with the half-dressed sight of the very man she was trying to avoid. Her eyes were drawn to the fact that Kaidan had stripped himself of his armor and the customary body stocking worn underneath, leaving him in just his tight-fitting boxer briefs.

Whiskey-brown eyes met hers and he dropped his own kit on the bench. "Shepard!" He must have seen the brief panic on her face because his hands went up in a placating gesture, palms toward her. "Wait, please. I... would like to talk."

"I don't think talking would be a good idea." The words came out sounding rather clipped, but talking was the last thing on her mind. _Pressing him up against that locker and feeling his warm flesh against mine…_ She quickly turned to her locker and fumbled with the lock as she tried to get it back open, feeling rather uncomfortable in just her standard issue bra.

A tanned hand appeared in front of her face as he leaned on the locker she hadn't managed to open to get her attention. "Shepard. _Alexis_. Look at me."

_Alexis._ A small shiver shot down her spine as he said her name, and she stopped fidgeting with her locker. She liked hearing him say it. God, how she wanted to hear him say it more. _No, that's just more proof as to why talking is a bad, bad idea._ She did her best to steel herself before turning to face him, desperately trying to ignore just how close in proximity they were. Which was proving to be difficult since, if she moved, she would touch him. And why did he smell so _good especially right off a battlefield_? She met his eyes again and as firmly as she could she replied, "There's nothing to discuss." She tried to back away. Suddenly, his free hand snaked out to grab her bare arm. A biotic spark arced from his fingertips to her bare skin. Goosebumps flared, following the racing tingle through her nerves. Strong fingers made her acutely aware of her half-dressed status. She wanted to be angry at him for grabbing her. She couldn't seem to muster anything other than a very strong need for him to move his hand to a different part of her body. She said nothing.

And that did give her enough anger at herself to allow her to try to scowl at him. "Kaidan, I-" _Wait... why am I using his first name?_ Any further thoughts were chased out of her mind as he lowered his head and brushed her lips with his, gently, tentatively. The careful touch elicited a small, surprised whimper.

Before she knew it, she'd flung her arms around his neck and deepened their kiss. He stumbled backwards, tightening his embrace to pull her firmly against him as he regained his balance. She parted her lips and he took the invitation, his tongue slipping past her teeth to stroke against hers. Her fingers tightened in his still-sweat soaked curls and the fine hair on his chest rubbed against her bare skin. One of his hands wandered up to tangle in her hair and the other pressed firmly against the bare skin at the small of her back, holding her in place. The taste of his lips and tongue, salty from sweat and still sweet from the mint she'd smelled earlier, made her want more.

He pressed her up against the lockers, his hands moving down to cup her ass and lift her slightly. She slid her own hands down, giving in to the urge to trace the fine muscles of his back as he shifted so that he stood between her legs. Without thinking, she wrapped her own legs around his hips, the thin cloth of his boxers letting her feel just how glad he was to be pressing against her. His breath hitched, but his assault on her mouth didn't stop, just increased in intensity. It might have been his hand leaving her ass to cup her breast, or his thumb stroking her nipple through the thin fabric of the bra, or the sudden shift of his hips that put him _right there_ , or all of it that made her head spin and her control slip. A biotic corona engulfed both of them, igniting her nervous system. A part of her wanted to revel in it, another worried about who could sense it. Kaidan pulled his mouth away and leaned his forehead against hers, his chest heaving with an effort to calm himself as the corona subsided. "Kaidan?"

He shook his head, his brown eyes sad, "Not in the locker room. I've thought about this for longer than I should have, Alexis. I don't want us to … do _this,_ here." The ache between her legs wanted to argue, but she saw his point. The locker room was hardly the place for the CO to . . . _fraternize_ . . . with her lieutenant.

She kissed him, lightly, gently. "I know. But you looked really good in those shorts." She tried very hard to ignore the voice in the back of her head that was shouting about unprofessionalism and charges and regulations. "And _you_ did kiss _me._ "

He glanced down and a shy grin played about his full lips. He looked back up at her, "Well, that is one gorgeous bra you have on." The fingers of one of his hands traced the utilitarian strap.

She laughed slightly, feeling a slight tingling sensation as he moved his fingers against that strap, the tips brushing against her skin. "If you keep that up, I'm going to be forced to kiss you again, Lieutenant." Relief flooded through her that between them, at least, the cat was out of the bag. _No more pretending._

He looked at her from under those thick lashes of his, "I'd like that... ma'am."

She shivered. _How did he make that little word sound like that?_ "Kaidan, you have to put me down." She shifted against him and he moaned softly, closing his eyes. "Or we'll never get out of this locker room." He reluctantly set her on her feet.

"I'm really going to need that cold shower again." His voice was husky, deeper than usual. It made another shiver run up her spine.

She tilted her head and smiled, "I may need another one, too."

His hands lightly grasped her fingers and he glanced at their joined hands before looking at her again from under his lashes, "Alexis, I've never met any one who -"

Alexis' eyes widened, "Kaidan?"

He shook his head then reached up to brush a lock of hair out of her eyes, "Just... I don't want to mess this up."

"Neither do I." She ran her fingers lightly down his arm to grasp his hand again. Quickly, she ducked her head to give him a light kiss, then stepped around him to grab her shirt. He caught her hands in one of his and his other hand cupped the back of her head, bringing her in for another kiss that seared her to her core.

When he pulled away, his half-lidded eyes searched her face and she felt a smile tug at the corners of her lips. "If you keep that up, Kaidan, I may have to order you to my quarters." _What the hell am I saying?_ He grinned at her. _Who cares? He liked it. Oh, God, what am I, fifteen?_

"I wouldn't mind following that order." He released her, his hand sliding from cupping her head down to the small of her back before he stepped away. Alexis pulled her shirt over her head trying to keep from giving in to that voice and those beautiful brown eyes. She turned to walk to the door and glanced back to see him still watching her, the intensity in his gaze made something low in her abdomen tightened. She couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face as she left the locker room.


	39. Consequences

Meghan Shepard sat slouched in her chair, twirling a stylus between her fingers. She watched the assembled personnel from under lowered lids as they all listened to Alexis begin the debrief for the complete clusterfuck that was the Lunar Base "VI" mission. She'd eat her standard issue shorts if that thing was an actual VI. Wrex looked as bored as she felt. However, she had no doubt that he was merely feigning disinterest and instead storing everything he was hearing away in that ancient brain of his. Ella had told her how old the alien merc was and Meghan's first reaction was laughter. _"Wait, you're kidding me. My god, we must seem like children to him!"_

_"As long as he doesn't decide I look like I taste good with ketchup? I'm fine with being the baby sister."_

Meghan stifled the snort of laughter the memory brought her causing Lex to look at her with one eyebrow up. "Is there something you feel needs to be added here, Commander?"

"Sorry, no, ma'am. Just clearing my throat."

Alexis, having opted to stand toward the front of the room rather than sit, turned her gaze away from Meghan and back to the rest of the crew gathered for the briefing. "Then, as I was saying, we all have our suspicions on what may or may not have been going on at that facility, but as of right now, they are just that. Suspicions. We can't act or do anything on mere suspicions, especially when they are largely irrelevant to our primary focus: Saren. Which we have little to no leads on presently. Where do we stand on the cracking all those OSDs we've gathered along the way?"

Meghan glanced to her left where Kaidan sat. She'd delegated the majority of the investigation to him, since she had no skills in that arena. He'd done the heavy lifting, he could take the credit. He rose to his feet and opened his Omni-Tool interface, clearing his throat. "We've deciphered most of the data we retrieved from Therum and the Eldfell-Ashland offices. Unfortunately, we've got more questions than we've got answers."

He typed a sequence into his 'Tool and a series of files popped up on the viewer. Meghan cursed the fact she'd not had time to review the teams' findings before this presentation when one of the file names caught her attention. She sat up, her attention riveted. "We managed to find that Eldfell-Ashland was responsible for one of the first Element Zero spills on Earth. Specifically, the Houston Intergalactic Spaceport."

"Starting with the boring stuff, are you, Alenko?" Joker suddenly chimed in over the comm, "You're lucky no one interrupted to ask you what that has to do with Saren."

The lieutenant glanced at the ceiling with an irritated expression his face and cleared his throat. "As I was saying, the Houston Eezo disaster in 2153 looks like it was engineered according to these files." Meghan's heart pounded and she suddenly couldn't breathe as rage flooded through her body. She wasn't sure she'd heard him right the first time, but hearing it repeated made it that much worse. She caught Alenko looking at her over his 'Tool, his brows drawn together in concern, and was that sympathy in his eyes? It was the sympathy that brought her up short and made her realize she'd clenched her fists and that a blue glow and the tell-tale tingle of dark energy had begun to flare up around her hands. She forced herself to take a deep breath and scrubbed her hands on her thighs to regain control. _My biotics were no accident? But how? Why? To what purpose? Did they just roll the dice and just_ hope _some kids developed it? I owe the fact that I'm a freak to a fucking corporation?_ She exhaled slowly again and forced herself to concentrate on Kaidan's voice. She caught Vakarian looking at her from the other side of the room, his cheekplates drawn in tight against his jaw and his brow ridges raised in concern. Catching Lex and Ella share a look she could deduce was about her, she forced her eyes back to the lieutenant. "The fact that any of this information is known, and that they knew to look for human Council Spectres and specifically, the Commanders Shepard, shows an alarming leak in either Alliance or Council security. We'll have to be prepared for Saren knowing our every step."

"Is there anything that positively indicates that Saren has any ties to Eldfell?" Alexis asked.

Alenko tapped on his 'Tool a few more times and turned to look at the screen behind him, "Looks like he's an investor in Binary Helix, but we're still tracking the paper trail. He may very well have other investments that includes Eldfell-Ashland. He seems to be going through a lot of middle men, which is odd for just simple investments."

"That would make this easy. Nothing is ever easy for us," Alexis mused, squinting slightly as she stared at the screen then walked toward it, putting her right next to Alenko. The peculiarity of the CO's approach to the screen grabbed Meghan's attention even through her rage. Alexis's eyes never averted from the screen, despite the proximity to Alenko, usually one would at least spare a quick look to make sure one wasn't invading the personal space of a colleague; she didn't even grant the LT that much. This coming from the woman who stole glances at the man a half dozen times at least during a normal debrief. _And, did she just shift slightly_ away _from him and cross her arms?_ _What the hell is she doing?_ The muscles along his square jaw clenched as if he were grinding his teeth. _Now what?_

"Well, hell, what's Binary Helix up to? Or where are they, anyways? Maybe they have a way to reach Saren, give him his money or something. Or at least tell us why he's interested in them?" Ella shrugged. "Gotta be better than hoping from bad news from somewhere else to go chasing."

"I can fly you to Noveria to ask them, Commander," Joker interrupted again. "Not quite a straight shot, but wouldn't take too long."

"They do genetics research," Wrex rumbled. When all eyes in the room turned to him, he continued, "There's a krogan group suing them. Failed genophage contract."

Ashley shook her head. "Which still doesn't tell us anything. For all we know, Binary Helix offers a healthy return for Saren's retirement fund and he's checking his portfolio."

"True... but we might catch him there." Meghan rubbed her eyes, careful of her eyeliner. "It's the first real lead that wasn't spoon fed to us by the Council. I'm beginning to feel like a real investigator!" She ignored Garrus' scoffing snort.

"Well, then we can head to Noveria, and you can have the pleasure of trying to get that information from Binary Helix while we're there, Commander." Lex turned her attention to Meg as she spoke. Meghan wondered at the fact that Lex's eyes seemed to slide right by Alenko to meet hers.

"Oooh, joy. I get to deal with the _suits,_ " she replied, ignoring the odd behavior, _for now_. Lex had been watching the LT like a starving woman watches a steak, but this? This was new.

"I'm sure you'll dazzle them with your charm," Lex said dryly. "If there's nothing else, you are all dismissed. Alenko. Williams. Stay behind with me and the commanders."

Meghan slouched in her seat as the non-humans wandered out back to their various duty stations. As Alenko and Williams resumed their seats, Alexis passed out several OSDs. "Joker, I assume you're still listening?"

"Aye, ma'am." Ella snorted. Meghan had to grin and wonder how they'd gotten two professional answers from the normally irreverent pilot.

"Flight Commander Shepard will be bringing you an OSD as well." She handed the disk to the commander in question. "I realize not all of your skills are suited to this research," she glanced at Ashley who seemed to be trying to keep her face blank, "but we can't ask any of our non-Alliance team members to look into what could possibly be illegal AI research."

Ashley stared incredulously at her CO, "What? The Alliance can't be that stupid."

"Course they can. Have you met the Brass?" Meghan raised her eyebrows as Ashley's expression became hard and tight lipped at Ella's interruption. If she had to hazard a guess, the Chief was one of those upset by the Flight Commander's recent behavior. _Great, one more thing to fix. How the hell does Lex do it?_ "Or the politicians who surround them? Lots of stupid."

"It's not our job to judge, Flight Commander. We've just been given the green light to try and ascertain what exactly happened on the base. So, that's what we're going to do when time allows." Alexis' tone was all business. "I don't believe I need to remind you all to be careful when and where you work on these?" Studying the OSDs in their hands, Williams and Alenko nodded. Alenko slid his into one of the voluminous pockets on his uniform cargo pants. "Dismissed."

Meghan caught Ella's eye and jerked her head, indicating the other woman should stay. Alexis glanced at both of them, one eyebrow lifted, but followed the lieutenant and the chief out.

Ella held up a hand, "Go away, Moreau, I'll be up with your OSD later."

"You're no fun," the pilot groused good-naturedly. "See you soon, Commander."

"Good, we can still read each other's minds." Meghan slouched back down in her chair.

"What can I say, I'm a genius." Ella slung her feet up on the chair across from her. "What's up?"

"What the fuck's going on, Ella?"

"Me being extra crazy, you mean? Gotta go with what you're good at."

Meghan rolled her eyes in response to that. "I'm the crazy one here, don't start stealing my thunder."

Ella shrugged. "There's more than enough crazy to go around. And I stole your thunder five years ago, you just didn't notice."

"Bullshit." The blonde snorted. "I have it on good authority you're still not crazier than me. Anyway, why the fuck are you trying to alienate the crew?"

"I could easily debate the crazies. Not really your point though, is it?" She sighed. "I'm not _trying_ to alienate the crew. But since I accidentally made myself the scary-crazy-lady, figured I'd use it. Visceral object lesson. Worked, after all, and didn't have to shoot our way out. It's a good day when nobody on your side dies."

"Good god, Ella, you're dense." Meghan shook her head. "This is the best damned crew in the Alliance. They don't need a bogeyman to get shit done! You might've been trying to make a fucking point to those biotic asshats, but you also gave our crew the impression _they can't fucking trust you._ "

"Cause flaring in the mess and getting a personal call from The Admiral to scare the crap out of idiots was inclining them to trust me anyways?" Ella rolled her eyes. "Except for Alenko and Wrex, who both knew what I was doing at the time, or I wouldn't have done it. Obviously."

Meghan resisted the urge to punch the other woman. "You're smarter than that, Ella. You're going to fucking sit there and tell me that with your genius in tactics and your knowledge of the situation and the resources at your disposal that _shooting your own LT_ was the _best solution_ you could come up with? Bullshit."

"It was the fastest. I think I've been spending too much time with Wrex?"

"Then stop. Seriously, Ella?" The blonde sighed. "That stunt was just that, a stunt."

"Shit, joke! Bad joke, sorry, don't blame Wrex." The brunette rubbed her eyebrows with her thumb and forefinger. "Meghan, there is something very wrong with this cruise, and you know it. If we don't, somehow, get a step ahead of Saren... every night I watch the Sun go out. And every route I've ever plotted goes wrong, as the stars, just, die."

"No shit, Ella." She stood up and paced, spinning to glare at the darker woman at each turn. "I have the bad dreams, too. Except _my father's_ the one killing the stars. But I don't go around shooting the very useful and _very hot_ LT, nor am I having those nightmares and flaring up all over the deck plates. Which, by the way, we're all _very lucky_ you didn't buckle."

"-I know, I'm sorr-"

Meghan made a chopping motion with her hand, cutting Ella off. "You won't come spar with me, you won't talk to me about what the hell's bothering you." Ella scowled as if to protest, but Meghan ignored her and rolled on, her frustration finally getting a release. "You and Lex are both avoiding me like I've got asari tentacle mites. I have no choice but to assume you're both being dumbasses! And if you both continue to be dumbasses, I'll have Chakwas declare you both unfit for duty and I'll take over. And believe me, the irony about _that_ is not lost on me. At least the only insane thing I've done lately is take on a krogan battlemaster with nothing but a combat knife." She took a deep breath, realizing she'd ended that speech of hers with a shout.

"Your objection to my expedience before popularity tactics is that the LT is hot? You're just hiding your crazy better than we are."

"Don't mistake horny for insanity. Besides, you know why he's off the market." She was proud her tone was much more calm and Ella nodded agreement to her reminder. "My point is that you could have done better."

"Yes, my normal coping mechanisms have all failed and I'm riding the crazy-stupid train. I'm sorry that beating people up doesn't work for me, but I did get everyone off that damn ship with only one fucking casualty, and it wasn't one of ours." She slammed her feet down off the chair she'd propped them up and leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. She glared at her friend. "What the hell do you want out of this conversation, Meghan, if the answers I'm giving you aren't good enough?"

Meghan scrubbed at her face with both hands. "Stop pushing us away."

"Who's pushing? I don't know what else to say after no one liked the 'I'm sorry!' Besides, you've never let anyone in that head of yours." The dark haired woman snorted, a brief grin flitting across her full lips. "Pot much?"

Grinning at the joke, Meghan shook her head ruefully. "I'm pretty sure you two got quite a good view of what's in my head thanks to that asari brain mushing experiment, Ella."

Ella shook her head in reply, once. "You never let anyone in voluntarily. And I didn't get a very good look at anything.

The blonde vanguard sighed. "You really want to know what it's like to kill your own father? Or be raped by him? Or lose the only man you ever loved and his child to a fucking science experiment? Didn't think so. I let you all in as much as I can without letting the mess slop over onto the deck plates. I stay sane by not pushing people away, Ella. It's the only way I remember there's shit to care about here."

Ella rubbed her forehead again. "Of course I don't," she replied, her voice quiet. "And I wish you didn't. But everyone I have ever let in besides you and Lex? Is dead, or thinks I'm a monster. I'm tired."

"But you're not even letting us in any more, not since your flare up. You're too busy wearing Commander Fucking Shepard like armor that you don't bother to take her off when you get on board. Even _Lex_ is socializing more than you. Which, by the way, is surprising the hell out of me. Fuck, go talk to the goddamned pilot if you can't handle talking to us." Meghan gestured in the general direction of the cockpit. "Or how about Chakwas - you know, since I think she wants to adopt us like stray kittens?"

Ella snickered inappropriately and Meghan grinned. "Oh, you'd look cute with kitten ears. Right before you clawed my eyes out for avoiding the question."

"Believe me, I'm tempted." Meghan sighed and threw her hands up in the air in resignation. "There, I tried. Do whatever you want, Ella. It's your fucking career. I love you and those fucking nightmares royally suck ass, but you can't keep this shit bottled up. Commander Fucking Shepard's the uniform. Don't let her drag you out the airlock. "

"And once again my poor sense of humor pisses you off. I'm sorry, Meg. I'm trying, I am, and I know I screwed up, and I promise I'm not hiding in my head any more. I just don't know how else to answer what you're asking, I really don't. I did what I thought I had to do, as quickly as I possibly could, and I don't know how to explain it to you or Lex any better than that."

"I can tell you why you did it, but that won't help you. You have to do that yourself." A small grin played about her lips. "Yeah, I know, that came out of MY mouth. All that time in a psych ward had to help a little, I guess."

"Your psych ward beats up my Group Home? I suppose I can live with that."

Pulling Ella to her feet, Meghan gave her a quick, one-armed hug. "Just remember I have your six, all right? Not to mention your 5 & 7\. You have some nasty blind spots in a fight."

"As long as you're covering my ass from right near by, that's a splendid idea. Don't have to worry about you shooting me in the foot when you miss the bad guy."

"You're such a bitch." Meghan laughed. "Why do I hang out with you again?"

"Cause I let you beat me up on a semi-regular basis?" Ella returned her smile, relief plain in her brown eyes. "And you're bitchier."

"So long as you don't forget that. Go talk to your pilot. Talk to _anyone_ , Ella, I mean it."

"Yes, mom." She gave Meghan a half-joking salute. "More proof that this cruise is fucked six ways from side-ways. You're the sensible one lately".

"Scary, isn't it? I'm going to spread my sanity around. See you at dinner."

Meghan walked away, leaving Ella in the debriefing room. The odd behavior of her other best friend and the lieutenant during the debriefing made her want to take them somewhere and shake them both till they saw sense. The day to day dance between Alexis and Alenko had obviously changed and if she was going to drag it out of Lex, she needed all the ammunition she could get. That included grilling her hapless XO.

Said XO was standing behind Julia's programming panel with the guts of the machine open and somewhat splayed around him. As she approached, he swore under his breath and dropped the tool he was using. He shook his hand and brought it to his mouth as he turned to look at her. His normally welcoming brown eyes were narrowed at her warily. She put up her hands in a "I come in peace" gesture. He rolled his eyes at her and bent to pick up his tool. She leaned against the panel and crossed her arms, waiting.

When he went back to work without saying anything, she said, "Figured you'd be hard at work on that OSD by now."

He glanced at her, "When Private Draven ended up in sickbay this morning after this thing converted proteins in the wrong direction, I figured I should take a look at it."

She glanced at the open panel. "That thing's going to kill us all one of these days. It won't be Saren, it won't be geth, it'll be Julia."

He glanced her, eyes crinkled in amusement. "I'd like to prevent that, Shepard."

Meghan chuckled, "I hope you can, Alenko." She glanced away briefly and cleared her throat. "So, what was with the little black raincloud in the debrief?"

"Ma'am?"

"Is there a particular reason you looked pissed off at your CO, or did she step on your foot?"

"Just some mixed signals, ma'am."

"Wait, you've gone from 'Shepard' to 'ma'am' in a light second. What the hell, Alenko?" The first ma'am could have been just a polite prompt for clarification, the second one was definitely making a point.

He stopped working and set his tool down and turned to face her. "It's personal, Shepard."

Meghan looked around the deserted mess. "No time like the present to unburden yourself, Alenko." She sat on the chair behind the station and patted the seat next to her. "Take a load off and tell your CO what's bothering you, LT."

"I'd rather not, Commander."

"Well, I could order you to, but that would defeat the purpose of being friendly and peacekeeping. I could threaten you with extra work, but you seem to bust your ass on this cruise, so that'll just keep you out of your rack for far longer than is healthy. So, I'll just widen my big green eyes, look at you all friendly and pleading and tell you to sit your ass down and spill."

"I'd rather not, Shepard." But he sat down where she indicated.

"All right, then. Let me guess." She dropped her voice low, "Did you proposition your CO?"

He made a strangled sound, "Shepard!"

"What? Did you?"

"Er... not exactly?"

"Alenko, am I going to have to take you down to the practice mat and beat this out of you?"

He glanced away and rubbed the back of his neck. "I, uh. We... kissed."

"And?"

"What do you mean, 'and?'"

"Who started it?"

He avoided her gaze again. "It just... happened."

Meghan sighed. "I was engaged to be married to the senior NCO of my first cruise, you know. Talk about breaking the regs. I can't tell you the number of times we almost got caught and had the book thrown at us." She turned her face straight ahead. "I'm the last person to judge these things."

"What happened, Shepard, if you don't mind my asking." His tone indicated he already sort of knew what she would say.

She obliged him. "Akuze."

"Oh."

"Yeah, so, I speak from experience. Fuck the regs, Alenko. Life's too short. No one will hear about it from me. And I'll space anyone who gossips about it."

"And if she hated it? If she regrets it? What about that fiance of hers?"

"Wait, that's what you're worried about?" Meghan swallowed the laugh in the back of her throat. That would just be kicking the man when he's down. "I promise, the fiance is ancient history and just to let you know," she leaned in conspiratorially, "The fiance was an ass and you're 200% the better man." She grinned when he blinked, startled. "And I can assure you, she loved every hot, steamy second of whatever you two did. She's just not supposed to. The CO, remember? Not allowed a life outside The Job? Ring a bell?"

"Yeah, The Job. I remember. Why do we let them do that to us again? Promote us until all we are is the uniform?"

"Ours not to question why, Alenko."

"You keep saying that."

"It keeps being appropriate. I'm going to go find our CO, now. Good luck with that turian bitch."

He laughed and even seemed to mean it this time. "I don't even think the turians would claim her any more." She left him to his work and went around the corner to find Alexis to hopefully be in her office.

Meghan pressed the admittance alert panel and waited quietly at parade rest, her hands behind her back. No answer came from the other side of the door. Taking a deep breath, she waved her hand in front of the holographic sensor and the door slid open with a nearly inaudible hiss.

The long room was dimly lit from the embedded lights along the top of the walls. Alexis was seated at the desk along the wall, her back to the door. Meghan smiled at the sounds of the familiar strains of chords emanating from the haptic keyboard she and Ella had pooled their first paychecks for Alexis for a present. It ran off her Omni-Tool and stretched out on any flat surface to a full sized piano keyboard. Meghan had heard this particular piece many times before and Lex had played it so often, the sheet music wasn't being projected. Not that Meghan could remember what this piece was called anyway. The dim light glinted off Alexis' fair hair where she bent over the keyboard. Empirically speaking, Lex was a very beautiful woman, especially when she had that far off look in her blue eyes that meant she was playing from memory.

Her eyes closing but her fingers still teasing the melody out of the keys, Alexis spoke. "I rather doubt you came in here just to eavesdrop on my playing, Meghan."

Meghan shrugged, despite knowing that Lex wouldn't see the gesture. She took at seat at the table in the middle of the room, positioning herself to look at the other blonde vanguard. "Maybe, maybe not. But it's relaxing. Savage beast and all."

The ending of the music as Lex folded her hands and tilted her head to look at Meghan was jarring. "So what's on your mind?"

Taking a deep breath, Meghan decided to jump right in. "What was with the cold shoulder to Alenko in the debrief today?"

"We had a disagreement on tactics." She had her patented DO NOT TRESPASS expression with the narrowed eyes and the clenched jaw.

Meghan snorted, both at the expression and at what she said. "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

Lex's eyes rolled upward and she sighed. "What do you want, Meghan?"

"Had to break out the thumbscrews, but he told me in a general fashion what happened between you two."

Lex's tone turned frigid and if her jaw tightened any further, her teeth would crack. "Whatever happened is _none_ of your business."

Meghan shrugged. "Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Maybe I just wanted to congratulate my friend on finding something good in this fucked up mess of an investigation."

The other woman paused to take in what Meghan actually said. "I still don't want to discuss it." At least her tone was friendlier.

Holding up her hands in a gesture of truce, Meghan laughed. "Believe me, I don't want the details. I'd rather imagine turian dating practices than think about my best friend making out with my XO." She shuddered theatrically. "And I'm glad you're actually playing music because you're happy. And that _he_ made you that way! I can't tell you how happy I am for you. But... He's out there thinking you hated it, that you hate _him_. He's kicking himself. Hell, by now, he's probably mentally writing his letter of resignation or transfer. Think you may want to fix that."

Her eyes went past Meghan to the door, a slight frown on her lips. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She sighed and sat up, _Now for the bad part._ "As far as Ella's concerned, that meld shook all of us up. The only difference is, you nor I have intense, instinct-level phobias to fuck with our heads. I blame myself for not realizing those damned pods are nothing better than upright coffins and I should have mentioned she needed better, sooner. In that respect, I bear just as much blame in not being proactive as you."

Alexis shook her head. "The incident Ella had in the mess is not the problem. Or, at least not exclusively. Had it remained just that, there wouldn't be an issue. But after her handling of things for Hackett?"

"I talked to her about that." Meghan nodded, resisting the urge to rub her forehead at the headache she could feel coming on.

"Yeah, well, Quinn wants to put in for a transfer." An emphatic shake of her head. "The only thing holding her back right now is her want to be on _The Normandy_ , but after the _navy_ jocks heard what went down, they're terrified of Ella."

"I know. She's pushing everyone away."

Alexis slammed her hand down on her desk, narrowly missing the glowing keyboard. "And I can't do shit about it because Admiral Fucking Hackett already gave her a 'job well done' and pat on the back."

Meghan raised an eyebrow at Lex's outburst, but ignored it for the most part. "You've been doing it, too, though. Pushing me away. For a bit longer than she has. I've been willing to chalk it up to command stress, and having to be professional, no matter our friendship, but your wall has been up, Lex, at least to me." She sighed and held herself ready for the explosion she thought would come.

Frustration plain in expression with tight lips and brows drawn together, Lex stood up and paced before answering. "Look, I'm not going to lie. I have problems trying to find that line between acceptable and unacceptable when it comes to being in command and our friendships. The rest of the crew can't feel that I will place our long-term friendships ahead of the interests of this ship and the people who serve it. I'm not perfect." She paused on her circuit and turned, meeting Meghan's eyes. "And beyond that, there are still certain things that I am remiss to share." Meghan knew what she was talking about. As long as she'd known her, Alexis Shepard had played a few things close to the vest, her family, her love life, and later, Elysium. She and Ella might have been the only ones who ever got to see that.

Meghan snorted, surprising Alexis, who glanced at her with widened eyes. "Not asking you to share the skeletons. I have plenty. And yeah, I know it's a delicate balance, Lex. Which is why I haven't called you on it till now. Just... don't let shit back up on you like Ella did. I'm here. And I'll listen however you need me to."

"I promise I won't let things get out of hand, and I'll speak to you before they do." She finally smiled.

"Hell, even the LT works, Lex." She gave her CO a grin and a wink. Lex's only response was to blush furiously. Apparently, she'd been stunned speechless. Meghan decided to take advantage of her CO's momentary incapacity. "I don't know what to tell you about what Hackett said, except it's your ship. The Alliance will pat the Butcher on the back and look the other way as long as she's useful. The minute she's not, it's a prison colony for war crimes. And people call ME the crazy one."

The blush receded and Alexis raked her hands through her hair in frustration. "Look, I know what being the Butcher means for her. All three of us do, but most of the crew doesn't. Certainly not the ones who never go groundside on a mission. Maybe they just don't have the requisite crazy to truly comprehend it, but if they can't trust her, that's a big problem. And I am tired. Tired of trying to fix it. Tired of having no time for myself because of it."

"Then delegate." The Marine OIC shrugged. "What else am I here for? I'm the con artist, remember? Didn't you once tell me I could charm the credits off a volus? So, I'll talk to Quinn and convince her the Flight Commander isn't going to come unglued again. And I'll soothe the nice little Navy geeks. And you can do the rest of your job."

Relief made Lex's shoulders slump slightly. "Then go, soothe." She made a shooing motion with her hands. "And don't promise her anything you know Ella won't be able to follow through with. She's never going to be bright and cheerful every day."

"I'm pretty sure if I tried to sell that bill of goods, they'd smell the con coming a mile off. Don't worry, Lex, I know how to unfrighten the squints. I'll sell them on getting the bad guys and saving the day. Because that's what they all signed up for."

Nodding, Alexis said, "True. I'd say tell them she's offered to bake them a cake, but I think they would trust Julia over her cooking right now."

Meghan rolled her eyes. "And Julia just sent one of the Dravens to sickbay. Alenko's out there fixing her now."

"I think I'm just going to subsist on powerbars from now on." Lex said, groaning. "I do not like that thing's track record. Go, go smooth things with Quinn. I'll handle my... I'll go talk with Alenko."

"Good. And don't forget to talk to Ella, please? As her friend, not her CO?"

The other woman sighed. "I'll try."

"I'll get out of your hair and leave you to it. And I'll convince Quinn and the rest of the squints that her bark is worse than her bite. And please, for the love of God, Lex, stop forgetting I'm down there in Marine Country trying to talk Vakarian into letting me beat him up because I'm bored out of my skull?"

"Fine. I'll be happy to filter more paperwork your way." Meghan laughed at the positively evil smirk that crossed her friend's lips.

"I set myself up for that one, didn't I?" She laughed. "Fine, even the paperwork." She paused at the door and looked back at her commanding officer who stood at the table, still, looking down at her keyboard. "Oh, and Shepard?" Alexis glanced up, her eyebrows raised. "I uh, never did apologize for that stunt on Edolus. You were absolutely right to yell at me about the maw. I … didn't really mean what I said. You wouldn't have done what I did, I was blinded by my need to avenge them. _Him_." She swallowed. "I - I'm sorry."

Alexis sat back down in her chair, astonishment plain on her pretty face. "I - thank you, Meghan. I appreciate that." Meghan merely met her friend's eyes for a moment longer before turning to leave the room.

Meghan wandered out of Lex's suite, winked at Kaidan who looked up from his console as she passed him, headed for sickbay. _Honestly, how hard was it to send the con artist to smoothe difficulties over?_ The door to the dimly lit Med Bay swished open. Meghan paused to let her eyes adjust as Chakwas rose from her desk to greet her.

"How's Lieutenant Quinn?"

The doctor glanced over her shoulder at the woman resting on her back on one of the exam tables. "She's a bit bruised. I wanted to keep her over night to watch for a concussion since witnesses said her head hit the bulkhead rather hard."

"Understandable. Is she awake? Can I talk to her?"

"You can, just don't cause her any distress, Commander." There was a warning note in the doctor's voice. Meghan resisted the urge to laugh.

"I promise." At the doctor's stern look, Meghan literally crossed her heart. "See?"

With a chuckle, Chakwas shook her head and left the room to give Meghan some privacy. _Well, here goes nothing_. She plastered her smile on her face, the one no one could tell was entirely fake. She'd even fooled her best friends with it a time or two. _Or they were too polite to let on,_ she pointed out to herself. _Stop that. You have to believe what you're about to say, you dumbass._

Quinn's head turned toward her, the dark haired young woman blinking sleepily at her. _Chakwas didn't mention painkillers._ But if the woman's bruises were that bad... "How you doing, sailor?" Meg pulled a chair over to the side of the table. The girl pressed the lift control that would allow her to sit up, wincing a bit as the muscles on her back protested.

"I'll be fit for duty soon, Commander, ma'am. Just need to rest a bit."

"Really? Are you going to be all right working with the Flight Commander after this?" The girl's brows drew together and she looked somewhere beyond Meghan's right shoulder.

"I, uh, I guess so, ma'am."

"You have my permission to speak freely, Lieutenant."

Dark eyes widened, "But... but you're her _friend_!" The girl flinched as she realized what she'd just said. "Ma'am," she finished, belatedly.

It took a monumental exertion of willpower not to roll her eyes or voice her annoyance in any other way. "Lieutenant, I'm going to pretend you didn't just call into question my ability to do my job due to personal feelings. Now, tell me what's worrying you. That's an order."

Swallowing, the younger woman nodded. "Ma'am, I'm afraid that the Flight Commander is going to get us all killed."

As gently as she could, Meghan said, "And isn't that your job? We're supposed to put our lives on the line for the Alliance, after all."

"But, ma'am, I didn't think that meant a hull breach from an out of control biotic!" Her mouth opened in a gasp as she realized she was talking to a biotic, too. "I mean... um... ma'am..."

Meghan chuckled, "I understand, Lieutenant. You realize she wouldn't have let it get that far, right? She uh, pulled that punch, if you get what I mean. And none of the other biotics would let this ship be damaged like that. I realize you were slightly busy and might have missed it, but every single one of us, including Wrex and Liara, showed up the moment we all felt a surge, right?"

"Uh, no, ma'am, I didn't." The lieutenant's voice sounded a bit less terrified now.

"Why did you join the Alliance, Lieutenant?"

Under the thin sheet, narrow shoulders shrugged. "I guess why anyone does. I wanted to see more than just my backwater colony. The vids painted such a heroic picture that I wanted to be a part of it."

"And has any of that changed? You're on an Alliance ship, crew to the first three human Spectres _ever_. Chasing down a threat to both the Alliance and the Citadel. Vids can't make this shit up, Lieutenant. This is better and more real than anything you'd see on a Saturday morning cereal sugar high." Meghan watched the girl's expression begin to change from fear to just a little bit of hope. "We're out here, fighting for those things the vids always said we should fight. We're fighting an invasion of our galactic space by indomitable sapient machines. Machines that can't be reasoned with, they can't be negotiated with and they will not stop until organics are wiped out." Quinn was staring at her with wide eyes. "So, Lieutenant, does this sound like a fight you want to be a part of?"

"But... ma'am, I'm no good at fighting. I - I can barely shoot. And... and I'm not a biotic. And I'm not brave, not like you."

"There are other ways of fighting, Lieutenant. You get us to the things that need to be shot. And you don't bounce off a star or two to get us there."

She looked away, bashfully. "Joker does most of that."

Meghan resisted the urge to shake Quinn. _Oh, for fuck's sake, woman, take a little pride in your work!_ "And you help him. The Flight Commander came to apologize, didn't she?"

"Yes, ma'am. And Joker came to try to cheer me up."

"And did he?"

She squirmed a little. "Yes, but I still have my concerns, ma'am."

"That the Flight Commander will lose control again and warp the hull. And I've told you why that won't happen." Quinn nodded. "OK, what else?"

"She shot the LT, Commander. Everyone likes him and yet, she shot at him."

Meghan raised an eyebrow. _Alenko has some admirers other than Lex. I have GOT to give him shit about that._ "Do you know why she shot at him?"

"Um... she doesn't like him?" The tone of her voice called into question Ella's sanity. Meghan swallowed a laugh.

"Hardly. Our jobs are to keep civilians alive. That was a hostage situation. There are only two ways to end a hostage situation, usually. Give in to the hostage takers' demands - unthinkable in this case because that's also negotiating with terrorists, and we don't do that." Quinn nodded. "Or, we shoot the hostage." The girl's eyes widened. "The Flight Commander chose a third way, that was outside of the box in that she had two people with her with abilities that she could exploit. The LT was never in any danger." At least, if the mission report she'd read had been accurate, he hadn't.

Quinn flopped her head back on the bed. "And she couldn't shoot the krogan because it would be less shocking to the L2s she was confronting."

"You got it in one, Lieutenant."

"But, ma'am, she's the Butcher, she doesn't care about the people under her!"

Anger flared through Meghan at this unjust accusation. She'd heard it a hundred times, and defended Ella stridently and sometimes violently, each and every time. But decking the poor kid in front of her wouldn't diffuse the situation any. "What do you think that nightmare was about, Lieutenant?"

"I - I don't know."

"She fully expected to die on Torfan, Lieutenant Quinn. She was given an impossible job and told to hold the line. And she threw everything she had at that line, including herself. It's our job to protect civilians at all costs, Quinn. We're the sheep dogs to their sheep. The shepherds," Quinn grinned, "to their flock. We protect those who can't protect themselves and we often have to sacrifice everything we love and everything we hold dear to do it. Sometimes we even sacrifice ourselves. Do you know why, Lieutenant?"

Mutely, the young woman shook her head, "Because the vids did get something right. We're heroes. And if you can't handle that, Lieutenant Quinn, perhaps you should ask for that new posting you mentioned to the CO."

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am."

"Now, get some sleep. And feel better in the morning." Quinn lowered the bed and obediently closed her eyes. Meghan turned to Ashley standing in the door way. Expecting to let the Chief by to visit the Lieutenant, she was surprised when Ashley stepped back out of the room and motioned a request for Meghan to follow.

After the door closed on the Med Bay, Ashley turned to her CO with raised eyebrows, "I uh, never thought of it like that, Shep."

"I know. Most people don't. But given your family history, Ash, I kinda thought you'd be a little more understanding of rocks and hard places." Meghan crossed her arms. It was a low blow, and the blood draining from Ash's face showed she recognized it.

"If that's how you-"

Meghan held up a hand, "Peace, Chief. I was making a point. We can't afford dissension in the ranks now. And we really can't afford to draw the line between combat and non-combat personnel. The sooner the non-combat personnel realize there ain't no such thing on this cruise, the better we'll all get along."

"You're right, Shep." She rubbed the back of her neck. "I, uh, guess I owe the Flight Commander an apology?"

"You were doing your job, technically speaking, Ash. You're a damned fine NCO. But yeah, I'd kiss and make up with the FCO ASAP."

Williams grinned, "I'm not gonna ask which cheek, this time."

Meghan laughed, "I think you can figure it out. Let the Lieutenant get some rack time. Chakwas said her back was a mass of bruises. And we're short on medigel that she'll have to heal the old fashioned way. Gotta save it for us frontliners."

Ashley winced. "I don't envy her that."

"Yeah, me either. You headed for the pods?"

"Yeah, it's my scheduled rack time. You?"

"Gotta eat first, then I'll be right behind you."

Ashley snorted, "I'd envy you that metabolism if it didn't come with so many drawbacks."

"I have to keep up my girlish figure somehow."


	40. Lonely At The Top

Ignoring her CO was a bad plan. Not that Ella Shepard had meant to ignore her CO, but there'd been the AAR for the Burns' fiasco, and suddenly Hackett wasn't done with them and chucked them at the lunar base, _and wasn't that an extra special probably illegal cluster-fuck_ , and then somehow Commander Alexis Shepard was always busy with other people and they really needed a private conversation, and now somehow it was late. Like, really late. As in she was probably already in her quarters with the door locked, late, but tomorrow they were supposed to get to Noveria and there wouldn't be time for privacy while everyone was getting ready to disembark, so it really was now or never.

_Damnit._

Lifting her gaze from the scowl aimed just past her toes at the deckplates passing beneath her feet, Ella paused awkwardly as she realized her quarry was still up. And in the mess. And apparently attempting to have a private conversation with Alenko. _Isn't that adorable? And damnit_ again. _I'm too close to pretend I wasn't aiming right at them, but they haven't seen me yet and I doubt eavesdropping on her private conversation is really going to help her opinion of me today..._

"Afraid?" Alenko's pleasant low husk just barely reached her ears, and Ella took one awkward step backward, trying not to make any noise.

"Afraid that," Lex's slight shift sideways apparently caught her out because the blonde straightened suddenly, stepping back in the same swift motion, her voice cooling and lifting in volume at the same time. "We'll finish this some other time, Lieutenant."

"Of course, ma'am." The LT nodded politely to the CO, and then the Flight Commander as he walked past her, but there had been the slightest catch in his voice before that "ma'am" and Ella added her accidental intrusion to the growing list of reasons she needed to get smacked upside the head. _It's a fucking long list._

Lex just tilted her head before she turned on her heel, and Ella followed her silently to her quarters, waiting for the door to seal shut behind them as they stood in the center of her room.

"I didn't mean to int -"

Lex's raised hand stopped her midword, blue eyes narrowed. _Right. I'm talking to Commander Shepard. Not Lex. No personal shit. I used to be better at this._

"We've been avoiding this for too long, Flight Commander."

Ella nodded slightly in agreement. They'd somehow managed not to be in the same room, alone, ever since the initial overly formal debrief after the Alliance had hauled Burns and his kidnappers away. _I know I said I'm sorry, but I don't think you believed me, and I'm not sure where to start._

Lex's lips narrowed slightly at Ella's continued silence, an angry edge to her sigh before she started talking, for once not cool or calm at all. "If you ever pull a stunt like you did on the _Ontario_ again, I don't care who does or does not approve of your decisions. I will relinquish you of your duties, and send you back to Arcturus to be someone else's problem. I will not tolerate one of my officers behaving in such a disrespectful manner, not only to me, but, more importantly, to the crew."

"DISRESP--" Ella forgot the apology she'd been intending to offer, shame and rage tangling and adding to the heat down her spine, nostrils flaring as her jaw clamped shut, swallowing her aborted shout. "Understood, ma'am," she bit out shortly. "I humbly request, then, that if you have a problem with The Admiral's next set of orders you let me know before I'm sent out to deal with them rather than after?"

"The problem, _Commander_ , is how you chose to handle the mission, not the mission itself, and you damn well know it." Fingers twitched as blue eyes glared. _How did I not notice before how tired she looks?_ "You deliberately took a shot at a member of your own team, without provocation. How is that not disrespectful, to not only the team accompanying you, but to the members of this entire crew? How is anyone supposed to trust you after you do that?"

 _But, my team trusts me. You still trust me, don't you? Oh god, you don't, do you? I broke this even worse than I thought I did_. "I shot at him so the bad guys wouldn't shoot at him! And yes, it was reckless, but it worked, and he knew what I was doing. I respect the hell out of Alenko, and you know it. Or I thought you did. I thought you knew me better than that."

Lex was practically quivering across the room, still for just an instant before taking two short steps forward, then back. "I do know you better than that, Commander, which is part of the issue. You are smart enough to have figured out a way to do this without alienating yourself from the entire crew in the process!" Ella blinked slowly, surprised how very much like Meg the usually calm Commander sounded, frustrated and emotional and pissed at someone else's stupidity. She'd almost expected Lex to throw her hands up in exasperation, just like Meg had in the briefing room. But then her voice dropped, soft. Lex again. "Or do you simply not trust that you can be anything more than the Butcher these days?"

"But, it worked! It worked fast, and it worked dirty, but no one got shot, and no one even had to be in the line of fire, and I didn't have to watch Burns die because his fellow politicians sicced me on him. None of my options had as high a chance of avoiding a second shot being fired." _Most of them didn't have as high a chance of total FUBAR either, but we all already know that._ "I _am_ The Butcher, Lex. It's not all I am, but I'll never not be her, either."

"I'm not asking you to pretend you aren't the Butcher, but you have to be more than her. More often than not. You aren't just some scary marine to be sicced on people. You're the XO of this ship." Lex paused, swallowed. Her eyes were wider than usual, as if she could will her point across the distance between them. "You're _my_ XO, and you have to be aware of how your actions affect the crew."

"And how was I supposed to handle a Butcher assignment from Hackett in any way that wouldn't negatively impact the crew?" _Isn't the first time I've been faced with no good choices, Lex._ "Option 1? Fail to capture the terrorists. That's never good for morale. Option 2, get in a bloody firefight, probably lose the hostage, and risk injury to my team. Or Option 3, scare the crap out of them to shut down casualties. What possible scenario doesn't require I be The Butcher?"

"Bluff them into thinking it was more than just you? Or that the Alliance would sooner blow the ship up - with the hostage - rather than give into their extortions?" Lex's scowl seemed to signify she thought her FCO was purposefully missing the point. _Naive, Lex. To think there's always a good clean answer._ "You earned a hell of a lot of rank without ever being the Butcher. Don't give me this bullshit that you can't think outside the box in regards to handling matters."

 _Here I thought I was in trouble exactly for thinking too far outside the box. But no, apparently it's just because I wasn't thinking outside the same box you were?_ Ella was so angry she could feel her nerves heating up down to the tips of her fingers and toes, outraged that Lex, of all people, was second-guessing her. Judging her. _Lex._ "Really?" Her own voice sounded soft, light, even. Too even. That was bad. It was like listening to someone else talk. She wasn't completely sure what she going to say next. _Very bad._ "After every interview and nightmare after Elysium, after watching Meg deal with Akuze, you're really telling me that I should've been smarter? Planning a better maneuver from your nice quiet room now that the guns are all clean and tidy and back in their lockers? I did my job, in the field, the best way I knew how at the time. I took their weapons away from them, Alexis."

"And you've crippled this ship in the process." Lex was ice cold and pale, fingers finally completely still. "You did your job, but at what cost? You want to point fingers about how I'm planning a better maneuver from the safe confines of my quarters, but that's _my job_. To keep this ship running smoothly. To get our mission accomplished. And that includes telling my marines when I disagree with their field decisions and that I expect better of them. As a command officer, I would expect you to understand that, and more importantly, to respect that fact."

Ella took a deep breath, eyes closed. "Oh god, Lex, I'm sorry. I don't even know why I said -- " _I have never thought Kingsley was your fault, never, I swear. What the hell is wrong with my mouth, saying awful things without me?_ "Can we start this conversation over?"

Lex sighed, softly, and gestured them both to a seat when Ella opened her eyes. "Ella, before the _Ontario_ , things were tense, but that was the mission. The fatigue of chasing Saren. No one cared who we were, or what we had done. Only what we were doing. Now? Now, we've got people frightened to work on shift. People wanting to transfer out. I think Meg talked them out of that, but it is still uncertain. I can order people all I want, and so far they are jumping on cue, but that doesn't restore trust."

"You mean more than Quinn and Naismith wanted to run away or have me booted off?" Ella shrugged awkwardly. “That’s been normal enough elsewhere I didn’t stop to think about making it that way here. I’m sorry, Alexis. It truly never occurred to me I had trust to lose. Except for Williams, but she's professional enough to deal with it." _I used to be better with people. I remember being good at what I do, once upon a time. Not lately. Fuck._ "I am very sorry. Not that that helps, but I am."

"We're working on getting things fixed, as best we can. So, just do your best to try and win back the trust of your flight crew, at least? And, if in the thick of things, you have to be the Butcher again?" Lex shrugged, accompanied by one eloquent hand-wave, fingers graceful as they curved through the air to show they'd cross that bridge when they came to it. "Perhaps next time, that pilot of yours won’t exacerbate the situation by crowing about what went on loud enough for the entire CIC to hear."

"He's not my pilot!" Ella tried desperately not to laugh at the sudden mental image of Joker dressed in black feathers, flapping and cawing from his perch in the pilot's seat. _Not appropriate to this conversation, brain, stop that._ "Anderson picked him! Why is his behavior always my fault? Have you ever tried to corral a pilot? They're crazier than we are!" She coughed slightly to get the last of the urge to snicker out of her throat, relaxing and smiling slightly at the woman who was still, somehow, miraculously, her friend. "I'll do my best, Lex, promise."

"It's all I can ask. Thank you." Lex's sweet smile warmed up her eyes as she relaxed back in her chair. "And for the record, I doubt what worked on my dad would work on Joker."

"Ha! Joker and Jankers." Ella snickered softly. “Probably not. Then again, your father always seemed much too mellow and polite to have ever been a pilot. Even let me wreck his kitchen a time or three."

"He just wanted you guys to feel comfortable on breaks from the Academy." Lex turned, shoulders already tightening as her brief moment of relaxation ended, picking up a datapad from her desk. "So, uh, was there something else you wanted to talk about?" Her eye barely flickered over to Ella, her question hurried and perfunctory.

 _Goodness, you're worse at changing the subject than I am_. "I know it's almost... I mean," Ella sighed softly. _Not the time. Maybe I'll ask Meg for help with that one._ "As long as you aren't harboring any secret desires to chuck me out an airlock?" Lex shook her head with a soft almost-chuckle. "Then no, I'll get out of your way."

Ella pushed up from her chair, hand almost on the pad by the door when she paused, raising her eyebrows and plastering as innocent a smile as she could manage on her face. "You want me to tell Alenko you're free, if I run into him?"

"Uh, no. No, that won't be necessary." Her head ducked down in a rather ineffective attempt to hide her growing blush, Lex waved Ella out the door.

"Goodnight, Lex." Ella slid quietly out the door, feeling better than she had in ages. Eons. _Since that goat-fuck-of-a-mind-meld, even._

It was much too late to go visiting, but she felt pleasantly light-hearted. _Should share the good mood if I can, right? In short supply around here._ Her feet seemed desirous of heading down rather than up, for once, so she followed them on their way to the cargo bay.

“Isn’t it past your bed-time, Commander?” The flight lieutenant’s voice crackled over the comms as Ella walked right past the turn to Marine Country, heading for the ladder-hatch instead of the elevator. _Anything’s better than having nowhere to go while waiting for the tiny little box to get where it’s going, after all._

“Spying on me, are you, Joker?” She didn’t even pause, her steady stride quietly thudding against the deck.

“Of course not!” Joker managed to actually sound insulted. “Scanning security feeds is a perfectly valid way to pass my,” his cough smothered something that sounded suspiciously like ‘dreadfully boring’, “vitally important shift.”

“You turn the mute on when you hit an actual conversation in that scanning, don’t you Lieutenant?”

“Of course, ma’am.” His injured innocent act was getting even better. Not that she was buying _injured_ in the slightest. Man had hull-plating for skin; it was almost impossible to insult him. Unless it was about flying. It was remarkably easy to inadvertently encourage the outrageous-ness, however, so she was Not Going to Snicker. At all. _No smiling._

“Glad to hear it.” _Ok, maybe I’m smiling a little bit. Just a little._ “Go stalk someone else for awhile, why don’t you?” 

“Do you know what time it is? You walking down a hallway is the most excitement I’m likely to get all night.”

“Crap, you’re right.” She paused, tilting her head in the general direction of the closest camera. “Anyone still up in the Bay?”

“If I tell you that, I don’t get to watch you find out!”

“Hmm. I think that means it’s empty.”

“And why is that?” She could picture his grin, bright against his beard as he watched her try to outmaneuver him. 

_Not that I manage it much._ “Watching me find actual people wouldn’t be that entertaining, as you just promised you don’t eavesdrop, right?”

“Interesting.” He drew out all four syllables, apparently trying to imitate a cheesy b-vid villain before snickering softly and returning to his normal tone of voice. “Seems like solid logic, ma’am. If you believe me when I say things like that.”

“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

“Course not. Completely reliable and brutally honest, that’s me.”

Ella tried to swallow an exceedingly rude snort, choked, and started coughing instead. “Hell, Joker, can’t breathe.”

“What? I am!”

“Right, and you have a lovely beachfront apartment on the Citadel to sell me, too? You can’t reliably string two serious sentences together, Moreau.”

The following pause was perhaps a bit longer than usual, and she was starting to wonder if she should aim a curious look at the closest speaker. _Which would look really funny from his perspective. Should aim my confused self back at the nearest camera, after all._

Before she could figure out which way to turn her head, his voice broke through the speaker, oddly quiet. “Whatever you say, Commander.”

At that she did stop, head aimed vaguely in the direction of the cockpit, eyebrows creased in a slight frown. _Hell what’d I do now? I really do need to stop talking, don’t I? Insulted Lex, somehow pierced the smart-ass pilot’s hide. What’s next, accidentally flirting with the krogan?_

“Joker?”

“Ma’am?” _Fuck. That’s his professional voice. He’s not supposed to use that on me._

“Aw, hell, sorry Moreau. Good night?”

“Good night, Commander.” _And he just proved me wrong, second serious sentence in a row. Damnit._

Blowing out one hard breath through her lips she changed direction yet again, this time heading for the locker room to dig her toiletries and ‘jammies out of her locker. _Not that I call them ‘jammies out loud. Even I have more sense than that. Usually._

 _Maybe I should, though? Maybe getting made fun of for calling them ‘jammies would be silly enough Naismith would laugh at me instead of glowering? Worth considering._ Trying not to pout, her stride quickened as she neared her goal. 

_Dearest Mama, maybe I’ll finally get some decent sleep tonight. Feels promising. Wish me luck. Or, you know, you could reach down from wherever-you-are and clonk me with a ghostly frying pan to knock me out? That might be helpful._

~*~

Alexis resisted the urge to pace about the bridge of the _Normandy_. For one, there was not enough space, unless she really wanted to trace a short path. She just did not like standing around doing nothing while Meg tried to work her charm over the comm in the Briefing Room. Except the Corporations of Noveria were grilling them rather hard over their right to land at the facility, and it was taking a bit more finesse to get clearance, since they could not just trump them with Spectre status. Even if there had been a leak some months back, there had still been no official announcement that the Alliance had not one, but three Spectres in their ranks.

Her right hand moved to one of the straps along her left arm, unlatching it and pulling it tight. Why did she have to decide to pick up this new heavier Onyx armor? The comm light on the console finally blinked off as it appeared that they had secured a landing. “What a fun bunch. I think I’ll take my next leave here.” Joker rolled his eyes in Alexis’ direction as Meghan walked away swearing under her breath heading to get into her own armor. Her con-artist’s charm did seem to smooth paths that would otherwise be rough, but Lex knew the former criminal hated that particular ability, even if it was useful. 

She snapped the strap back into place, rolling a shoulder to test the armor’s motion range. “Well, just be thankful we’re here on business. Make sure you get us in cleanly.”

The pilot turned to look at her, a glower darkening his face. “Do you remember _who_ you’re talking to, Commander?”

“A pilot on _my_ ship. Being advised what I require of him in _his job_.” One brow arched in response, as she resisted the urge to remind him to whom he was speaking. If there was one thing Alexis disliked, it was self-entitled bragging.

Joker clenched his jaw, his voice grating against her ears. “And when have I failed to do _my job_ , Commander?”

“Excuse me, _Lieutenant?_ ”

Jerking back around to face the console, Joker punched at the keys in front of him. “Anderson didn’t _personally select_ me for this mission because I was prone to failure at my job. He picked me because I was _the best._ ”

She gritted her teeth, her own jaw clenching. Why no one had ever brought him up short about his attitude was beyond her, and she made a mental note of addressing this with the Flight Commander. “Perhaps the most technically skilled.”

“IE, the _best_.”

His fingers flew across the console, smacking at the controls. _For the love of Christ, he’s acting like a petulant child who isn’t getting his way._ “Being the best is more than just perfecting textbook maneuvers.”

“They haven’t written the textbook yet that can keep up with me.”

“Bouncing a cruiser off atmo does not qualify one as an _expert pilot._ ”

“And what, Commander, in your opinion, qualifies as an _expert pilot?_ ” Joker whipped around to glare at her once more.

Crossing her arms across her chest, she did not flinch from his gaze. _What is it about most pilots that makes them think they’re untouchable?_ “Not caring about whether or not people are impressed with their fancy flying for one. But also ensuring that their job is done to the best of their ability, and done without _unnecessary_ risks.”

Joker let out a contemptuous snort, jerking the bill of his cap lower over his face. “Says the Vanguard who charged a geth destroyer on foot. Let me guess, Commander, it’s do as I say, not as I do?”

“When I deem it necessary to take those kinds of risks, it’s because my hands are tied, and I don’t have another option.” Curling her fists at her side, she felt the familiar tingle of ice down in her fingers. “I don’t do it to showboat, or to prove that I’m better than anyone else. I do it because it _has_ to be done. The best, the _very_ best, in any field, know when to take that risk, when not to, and at the end, when to walk away from it all.”

“What kind of _plumber_ would actually walk away from flying?”

Her vision flashed for a moment, the Captain sitting in the chair instead of the braggart, if only for an instance before returning Joker back to his place in reality. Catching her breath, she shook her head. _No, this is not worth it._ “Clearly, someone who’s your better.”

“I doubt that.” The pilot rolled his eyes again.

An odd sense of amusement struck her, but she refrained from smirking as Joker began to resume his place directing the console. “Last I checked, you never beat the record for the Jupiter Satellite Relay.”

He stopped dead in his turn, eyes widening slightly. “What the hell does that have to do with this? No one beats Jankers’ time. He’s a _legend._ ”

“Exactly. Make sure you get us in cleanly.” Without another word, she spun on her heel and stalked out of the bridge, a sense of loathing filling her. No matter if she took the braggart down a peg or two, that was not a way to honor her father.

~*~ 

“So..” Ella Shepard leaned carefully against the bulkhead, a covered plate balanced on both hands in front of her. 

“Commander.” Moreau shot one quick glance sideways before returning to his monitors.

Which had to be dull, being in dock and all, but he was pretty good at pretending otherwise. 

“I am, from the stories my folks used to tell, a lot like my mother.” Joker’s tapping fingers stilled, his head slightly cocked as he listened. She was pretty sure he’d noticed how rarely any Shepard mentioned family. “Same hair, same eyes, same short temper. Same foot in mouth disease.” That got a slight cough out of him, and he tilted his chair just enough to keep an eye on her. “Of course, her apologies usually came with cookies, and, well, Julia isn’t quite that cooperative, but I did my best.” She carefully set her plate on the currently dark tech station beside him. “Sorry, Moreau. I know perfectly well you are brilliant, and reliable, and not a con man. For all your smart mouth doesn’t usually know when to shut up.”

“Something we have in common, then?” A hint of smile twitched across his face, and she grinned, relief loosening the breath in her chest. 

“Suppose so.” Ella lifted the wrap off the top of her plate, displaying the sliced up loaf of molasses bread. “I tried banana bread first, but the ‘chef appears to have... _trouble_ with fruit.” _I may never be able to smell bananas again._ “The texture was right though, nice and dense, so quick bread appears to be within the realm of possibility. Don’t worry, I tried a slice, it tastes likes it’s supposed to. And hasn’t sent me running off to Chakwas.”

“Yet?”

“So far, so good. Best I can manage.”

“Guess it’ll have to do, then,” Joker’s sigh was belied by how quickly he reached out and snagged a piece, leaning back in his chair as he took a bite. “Ahmmgd,” he mumbled past a mouth full of crumbs, “mmrry me?”

“What?”

“Well, seemed rude to ask you to follow me around the galaxy making me food, without offering something in return,” Joker shrugged, his gaze fixed on the rest of the chunk of bread in his hand. Which he then proceeded to shove into his mouth in its entirety, followed quickly by a hard swallow, way too much going down his throat at once, causing a very unhappy gargling sort of choking sound. He held a hand up when she took one hasty step in his direction, shaking his head as she hovered in the middle of the cockpit until he finally started coughing. “Please, God,” he managed a few moments later. “Don’t thump me on the back to help it go down, you’d crack a rib.”

“I would n-- ok, maybe I would.” She felt her sigh shudder past her lips, curved up slightly in an uncertain smile. “I’d lug you down to med-bay afterwards, though, promise?”

“You better. Your fault, after all.” Rather than his typical brash grin, he smiled back, just the slightest curve of his mouth softening his usually sharp gaze.

“Shepard to the _Normandy_.” Meg’s clear voice broke in over the comm, interrupting the long silence that had settled in the cockpit.

“ _Normandy._ ” Joker’s voice had an odd rasp, and he coughed again after he spoke up.

“Swallow a bug, Joker?” Meg’s disembodied laugh echoed slightly against the metal walls and consoles. “Run another decon, huh? In the meantime, let the Flight Commander know she can drag her sorry team out to play with the rest of us. We got a Pass, and our Hero is convincing the PTB’s to hand over a couple old Grizzlies they’ve got lying around so we can get all three teams up to Peak 15 through the blizzard.”

“Understood, Commander,” Ella spoke up, swallowing her own urge to cough past an oddly tight throat. “We’ll meet you by the garage.” Nodding to Joker, Ella turned on her heel and headed towards the elevator. She could just call them, of course, but she preferred to see they were ready in person.

She could just hear Meg’s voice in the cockpit behind her, signing off with Joker, until she got too far down the CIC for the voices to carry, and all she could hear were her own feet against the stairs, and the doors of the elevator sliding open when she bumped the button.

“Shepard.” The solitary krogan greeted her before she’d even managed one full step out into the cargo bay.

“Wrex,” she nodded as she approached him where he was working by the weapon’s bench.

“What am I, invisible?”

“Tali,” Shepard smiled as she turned to nod at the quarian, perched at a console by the gap where the Mako was usually stored. From the corner of her eye she saw Wrex mirror her turn, a rough “Zorah,” echoing her greeting.

Tali sat very still for just a moment, caught in their twinned stares, before her light laugh came through her suit speakers. “Nevermind, go back to ignoring me. I feel like I should duck, now.”

“Nah,” Ella laughed, “you’ve gotten much better with that shotgun of yours. You could definitely get a shot in at us if you needed to.”

“One wouldn’t be enough,” the deep voice beside her spoke up.

“Wrex,” Ella turned to roll her eyes at the mercenary. “We’re not about to attack Tali! Quit trying to scare her.”

“She knows that. Also knows one shot wouldn’t be enough.” He did the weird head bob thing Ella had mostly decided was a shrug. “No reason to pretend different.”

“You suck at small talk,” Ella informed him with an uneven sigh, almost a laugh, but not quite.

“Small talk?” He tilted his head, lacking eyebrows to raise to aim his question at her the way a human would.

“Making pleasant conversation?” Tali interrupted. “Haven’t you ever worked with humans before? Adams explained that one to me.”

“How many humans try and make pleasant conversation with krogan?” Wrex rumbled, gruff yet good natured. “They try and order us around, or they try and run away.”

“Notice he says try,” Ella laughed. “I gather we’re not usually very good at either.”

“Not usually.” He paused, the slightest puff of air escaping him in, what, a krogan sigh? A snicker? “You’re not so bad, though.”

“Aw, thanks Wrex.” Ella shrugged slightly, happy to not be prone to blushing, as she was rather embarrassed by how touched she felt by his back-handed compliment. “You’re my favorite krogan ever. And the only mercenary I’ve ever met I don’t want to shoot in the head.”

“You’d need more than one shot, weren’t you listening, Shepard?” Tali sounded like she was grinning. 

“Smart ass.”

“Well, I have been spending all my time on your ground team, listening to you and the pilot squabble. Picked up some bad habits.”

“I have no bad habits,” Joker’s voice piped in over the comm. “If you’re learning from me, it can only be good things.”

“Dumb ass,” Ella rolled her eyes in the vague direction of the ceiling. “You are a bad influence just by breathing.”

They heard the rough sound of someone blowing right into the mic. “But, enough about me,” he continued as Ella and Tali both snickered softly, “you all get to go play in the snow.”

 _Fucking snow._ Snow was only an acceptable form of weather when you had nice thick walls, hot chocolate, and a fireplace. _With a bear-skin rug, perhaps._ Ella swallowed the urge to laugh again, as Tali and Wrex both turned to look at her. _Meg would be so proud of herself._ Meg wasn’t there to share the joke, however.

“The pilot is right,” Ella grinned. “The Marine CO just checked in. They got past all the red tape and are finishing up getting supplies for our trek up the mountain. So suit up, and meet me at the airlock in five.”

“Aye, Commander,” Tali agreed, obviously having picked up more than just slang from spending all her time with the engineering team. _Sounds just like a bright young marine. Smarter than I was at that stage, though._

Wrex’s agreement was another rough and gravelly “Shepard.”

“Don’t forget to pack a sweater!” Ella called over he shoulder as she turned back towards the elevator. “Alenko said even the offices were cold. Doubt the mountain will be better.”


	41. Command Decisions

The silence inside the facility was possibly the worst part of this whole mission. The flickering, intermittent light was a close second, though. Meghan's breath rasped in her helmet and her shoulders ached from the tension of waiting for that attack from the dark, the shot, the knife that would sever her oxygen. She could feel the snow compress beneath her boots. Over the comm, Lex's quiet subvocals gave calm commands that did nothing to ease that sense of  _we're being watched, goddamn it_. Meghan spun quickly, walking backwards, her eyes searching the shadows. Lex's order, "Hold." Meghan glanced around and realized they were surrounded by the perfect ambush point. Plenty of cover for anything that wanted to jump them; crappy cover for the good guys.  _What had these squints been experimenting on?_

From out of nowhere, a Carnage rocket hit Tali'Zorah and knocked her on her ass. Wrex and Ella grabbed her and put her between them as she sputtered, her shields completely depleted as she struggled to get her bearings back. Meghan exchanged a look with Vakarian as he glanced back at her, then turned back to watching the group's six. Rifle fire broke out again and Lex's voice shouted out, "Open fire!"

Meghan's eyes searched the ruins of the common area for the target. The intermittent light from the damaged generators or fixtures - whichever was broken - did not make it easy to spot the carefully concealed geth. She tongued her comms on. "Watch for those ghosts," she reminded softly. Gunfire in short bursts from her eight reminded her that most of them needed no such reminders and Williams crowed briefly over the comms, indication she'd gotten her target.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you," Wrex rumbled in response to something. Meghan choked back a laugh. Then lightning fast movement in the periphery of her vision silenced her amusement and she turned toward it, ducking a painful overload blast at the last second as she crouched to get a bead on her target.  _Fucking ghosts_.

The ghost ripped around the large room so fast, Meghan couldn't target it. Neither could Vakarian or Williams. It's targeting laser zeroed in on Lex who happened to be facing the opposite direction. Meghan felt her heart leap into her throat as she lunged forward and she saw Ella spin to grab their friend, but both were moving far too slowly. Alenko was closer and managed to send a Throw field at the thing while at the same time tackling Alexis to the floor. Liara threw a Singularity at it, yanking it off the wall and before it could reattach itself, the rest of the team opened fire until all that was left of it was a smear of that white fluid that apparently passed for blood. Meghan and Ella rushed to Alexis to find that Alenko had somehow managed to twist himself to end up under his CO. Meghan smirked and exchanged a glance with Ella before taking up the rear guard again.

Lex's voice sounded a bit winded from slamming into the LT or being held by him ( _or both_ ) as she spoke over the comms. "Split up. Break up into teams and clear the area. Meet at the lift. Over." Meghan gestured for Williams and Vakarian to follow her. It was a large room, and the white painted geth were well-stealthed in the snow drifts. The three groups fanned out from the narrow staircase, looking for more geth.

Meghan's HUD showed three just on the other side of the wall separating the staircases. Carefully, quietly, amid the flickering overhead lights, the group crept forward, Vakarian rushing ahead for a vantage point to cover the stairs as she and Williams started up them. Meghan involuntarily flinched at the sound of metal straining, groaning as it settled overhead. Before she'd registered what the sound was, the metallic crash had her swinging her shotgun around to find that the noise wasn't the result of geth of any type, but little glowing six-legged insect-type animals who charged at them. Something she'd not believed was possible, something she'd only ever seen in vids and extranet links. A rachni worker. Astonished, Meghan wasn't quick enough to react when the little thing got close to Williams and exploded, spewing some sort of green bile all over the Chief. Toxin alarms screamed in Meghan's head and she yelled at Williams, "Fall back, Chief! Vakarian, open fire!" Williams stumbled back, her medical upgrades mitigating the damage caused by the acid and Meghan and Vakarian covered her, shooting at the little green bugs as they rushed them. The things exploded in a rush of noxious green ooze and a moist sounding crunch. Meghan swallowed bile backing up in her throat.

The rush of the little green bugs, however, was over quickly. Before any of them could tell the rest of the teams what to watch for, three massive, reddish multi-legged insect-looking things lunged out of the ducts ahead of them and charged. Lex's and Ella's voices over the comms told Meghan she was going to get no help from them as their, "What the fuck is  _that_?" and "Teams, Incoming!" echoed in her ears. Meghan countered with her own order to her team, "Open fire!" The shells from her shotgun and the accompanying steady bursts from Williams' and Vakarians' weapons hit the giant bugs, piercing their exoskeleton. One of them spat a stream of fluid at her. Meghan did her best to lunge out of the way, but she wasn't fast enough. Her suit screamed damage alarms as her shields were bypassed and the acidic liquid landed on her leg, quickly eating through her armor. "Son of a bitch!"

"Shepard's been hit!" Vakarian yelled, positioning himself in front of her as her suit pumped Medi-gel to the breach, attempting to combat the acid damage. Meghan had left her inferior medical upgrades in, choosing to give the more powerful supplies Lex had procured to her team members. She could almost hear Hicks' advice:  _a good leader watches after her team first_. She felt Williams put her arm around her waist, firing her rifle one-handed, and dragged her back until she was close enough to a snow bank for it to wash the acid off her armor before it ate through the final layers.

Vakarian was forced to fall back down the stairs as his rifle overheated. Williams stepped up into the gap, firing in short bursts at the last of the giant insects. The cop helped Meghan haul herself to her feet and she was glad to feel no further pain in her calf as she stood, hauling her shotgun around to the ready. But the rachni was already dead. The other teams finally came up behind them and Meghan was startled to realize the confrontation with the bug-like aliens had lasted merely seconds, not the hours it had seemed to. Alexis, with Ella behind her, glanced from one teammate to the other. "Report," she ordered.

"We were attacked, Commander. I-I don't know what by." Williams looked around nervously. Alexis' gaze shifted to Meghan and she realized she was still leaving heavily on the turian. She straightened up, tentatively putting her weight on her leg, relived to find it no longer hurt.

"I can't be sure, Shepard, but I think they were rachni," Meghan told her commanding officer. "They matched the vids in my advanced Xeno class." Vakarian bobbed his head in agreement.

Wrex charged forward. "That's not possible." His voice was tight, angry.

Ella hit Wrex on the arm to get his attention. "Shit, Wrex, don't charge the messenger."

The krogan grunted in Ella's general direction but held his position. Meghan met the eye the looming alien turned on her. She waved a hand in the direction of the stairs. "There are the bodies, go see for yourself." Alexis frowned and gestured for the krogan to check the few corpses that lay intact.

Wrex's voice grumbled over the comms after a few minutes. "It's rachni all right."

Alexis' lips thinned to a tight line. "Any advice on how to fight these things?"

"Don't close with them." Vakarian offered.

Williams nodded. "They spray acid."

"And there are some sort of kamikaze worker drones that explode on you." Meghan saw Liara's eyes widen behind her facemask. "Doctor T'Soni?"

"Rachni aren't my field of expertise, but I do know a few things about them. There should be a queen nearby." She turned to Meghan. "Did they seem coordinated?"

Meghan looked at Williams and Vakarian, questioningly. Both seemed to think for a moment before shaking their heads. "I'd say no, Doctor."

The asari frowned. "Then... hmm... I didn't think it was possible, but perhaps they don't have a queen controlling their actions? No one studies them any more. It's really hard to guess."

Wrex unholstered his shotgun. "Then don't guess, just shoot."

* * *

They'd made it past snow, and mountain, and geth, and god-forsaken  _rachni_  to find semi-stir-crazy refugees, and now they were confronted by a great big stretch of  _nothing._ Empty corridors. Shut down stations. No people. No bugs. Not even any functioning computers to flash some orange light and cheer up the place.

 _And an entire god-damned mountain above us, just waiting for some impatient bureaucrat to decide it's been too long since someone checked in to hit the fail-safe and collapse it on top of us._  Ella Shepard leaned against the closest wall, nodding at Wrex to continue his sweep of the room when he glanced back at her.  _Breathing is good. Remember to breath, don't worry about stone. I can do this._

"It is too fucking quiet," she murmured softly to Tali, who almost jumped in surprise, busy as she'd been looking back down the poorly lit corridor behind them. The lights kept flickering, alternately hiding and illuminating the broken chairs and turned over tables, making all of them twitchy at every new shadow, wondering if it was only more broken furniture, or something they ought to be worrying about: more robots, more bugs, more crazy people.

_Another agent of the Matriarch's, trying to ambush us._

Or something even worse, hiding down in the bowels of the station. The lights flickered again, the whole room completely dark for just an instant, the black thick and dank and weighty,  _fucking hell, I will not scream like a little girl,_ before it fled when the lights came back on.

The back-up power generators weren't apparently as good as they were supposed to be.

"Or Binary Helix was too cheap to set them up properly," Tali agreed softly, and Ella realized she must be more rattled than she thought, thinking out loud by accident. Kept imagining she heard things in the walls, which was just stupid. They weren't walls, they were plates and tiles insulating the labs from the solid stone of the mountain. There was probably barely room for the electrical wiring back there, much less... boogey-men.

" _Mama, Mama, shut the door. You have to shut the closet, Mama, please? Or he'll get out. He'll get me. He will. Please, Mama."_

"All clear, Shepard." It was Ella's turn to jump as Wrex's gravelly voice echoed back towards them. "No signs of life. Just another hallway up ahead. This way." His giant hulking shadow appeared at the far side of the room, waving them up to meet him, everyone still a little nervous with the apparent emptiness.  _But even the rachni need ventilation tunnels to hide in._  She couldn't seem to get rid of the itchy feeling between her shoulder-blades however, the dread that at any moment the other shoe,  _the entire mountain,_ was going to drop.

Guns out and at the ready, the reunited team descended the short steps, everything still and silent.  _How is this even worse than the snow?_ The blizzard-level winds outside had howled through narrow openings in the first level of the complex, screaming like the dead and dying from Torfan, the last sounds they made before a bullet, or a cave-in, or a booby-trap...  _Which was fucking awful at the time, but now? Would be better than this silent creeping nothing waiting to eat me._

The other two teams met them at the lift bank at the end of the hallway, equally silent, nothing to report. Just an entire level of empty, shut-down labs. They'd followed the Matriarch this far, though, and there was only one level left. Almost everyone had shot at least one quick glance at Liara, trying to figure out how she was holding up, this close to her mother, this close to the woman who had, apparently, lost a lifetime of strong-willed determination thanks to the persuasive technologies of one rogue turian.  _If Shiala and her tale of an evil-mind-dominating ship are to be believed, that is._ Most of them had believed the story, as crazy as it had sounded; it made more sense than the alternative.

_Time to find out for sure._

There were, luckily, two elevators, so at least they could all head down at the same time. Of course, that meant there were four of them crammed inside. And when one of the four was a krogan that made things kind of cramped.  _Wrex can make the cargo bay feel cramped._  Ella shrugged uncomfortably, avoiding look at anyone directly, eyes on the doors, waiting for them to open.

Elevators were, quite possibly, the worst form of transport ever. Small and enclosed and completely exposed when they stopped and really they were just little tiny death boxes with magnetic fields. Or occasionally cables, if they were being all historic and nostalgic.  _Or cheap. I think I'm sticking with cheap. Though, really, I should stop worrying about the damn lift and..._

Wrex charged as soon as the door opened, his shield and barrier flashing in counterpoint as he absorbed gunfire from the ambush awaiting them. Ella and Tali ducked back against the walls bracketing the open doors, as Liara sent a  _singularity_  out beyond the krogan's range of movement.

"Asari," she gasped as she slid sideways to squeeze between Ella and the corner of the elevator cabin. "A trained commando with a team of geth, judging by how quickly she dodged my attack."

"Well, isn't that spiffy." Ella leaned around the doorframe to provide their krogan shield some covering fire, then slid forward just a bit more to  _throw_ the lead geth trooper back into its reinforcements, while Tali tracked a Ghost trying to approach from above.

She could  _feel_  and hear the echoes from the other team storming out of their elevator, and smiled grimly as the echoes of seven separate biotic fields danced along her nerves. The commando they were facing felt light and airy in comparison to the combined might of four marines, a battle master, and their own asari scientist.  _She doesn't stand a chance._

The unknown asari wasn't smart enough to figure that out, though, as a surge of energy slammed into Wrex's barrier, strong enough to make the krogan stumble.  _Not quite enough to do the job, though, and now the rest of us know where you are..._

Ella felt an icy spear rush out of the other elevator, sped along its way by a second, tightly controlled river, timed perfectly to reinforce each other, harmonically intertwined, rising in power until she could feel it in the bones inside her ears, only to explode with a flash of blue and white, taking out the asari and leaving a wreckage of silent geth corpses in its wake.

 _Holy shit._  She blinked away the afterimages, catching Lex and Alenko frozen for just an instant, bodies mirrored in similar  _mnemonics,_  hands outstretched and eyes caught staring at each other before they both slid back into standard ready position.  _That was quite possibly the sexiest damn thing I've ever seen._ Coughing away the highly inappropriate urge to snicker, Ella turned her gaze in the other direction to check their perimeter.  _Well, if we can figure out how they timed their fields to interact like that and do it again, shouldn't have much trouble with anything Benezia can throw at us, now should we?_

* * *

Alexis Shepard stared at the overload readout on her shotgun and tried to take deep breaths. She glanced at Kaidan, who'd twisted around to look behind the crate they were using as cover, his leg pressed against hers. She shoved away the brief flash of the rush she'd felt when her biotics had, for that brief, shining moment, melded with his. Liara crouched across from them, behind another crate, her youthful features drawn in worry and determination. "Bravo, Charlie, report in!"

"Fuckers are getting on my nerves, Shepard," Meghan snarled in response. The sound of her Marine OIC returning fire echoed through the chamber and over the comms. She'd punched through to her position on the far side of the room, she and her team blasting past the geth, Lex and her team following to clear Charlie's six.

"Little busy to chat, Alpha, but no one seems in danger of getting their head blown off at this precise moment." Bravo had remained near the entrance of the cavernous room, drawing Benezia's attention to allow Charlie and Alpha to get into place and prevent more geth from crawling up their collective backside.

Their next step would be for Bravo to attract Benezia's attention again, Charlie to rush forward, to take out the last remaining access for the geth and for Alpha to back Charlie up. "Be ready to execute Delta on my mark. Three, two... one... MARK!"  _Of course, even the best of plans end up with kinks, especially when the enemy cheats. What had happened to civilized warfare?_

On her mark, she heard Meghan's "Copy that," then motioned for her team to get on their feet but stay low. But before she could finish the move, Meghan's voice snarled over the comms again. "Fucking shit! Williams, watch those crates! Vakarian, on your three! Alpha, Bravo, the crates are full of geth! I repeat, the crates are full of geth!" No sooner had the commander ended her transmission with another curse than the crate that Alexis leaned against unlatched and the sides started to collapse to release its contents. She launched herself away from it. Kaidan had apparently moved at the same time she had and almost landed on her as she threw herself against the opposite railing. Alexis felt the cool water rush of Liara's biotics as she hit the emerging geth with a Singularity, spinning both of them up into the air around the vortex.

Despite the initial moment of surprise, the geth that sprang from the crates were dealt with quickly.  _There was something to be said for good training and discipline and not cheating._  She smothered a smile as she motioned for Kaidan and Liara to follow her as they cleaned up the geth that had been merely wounded in Charlie's advance to flank the Matriarch.

Benezia, Liara's mother and Saren's second in command, proved difficult to subdue as she summoned wave after wave of commandos. It was an ugly fight, all three teams taking turns whittling down the Matriarch's defenses. She knew exactly what she was doing, summoning wave after wave of commandos, shielding her troops with her own biotics to force the marines to focus on them instead of going directly after her. But it wasn't enough. Alexis kept a wary on Liara as they slowly advanced on Benezia,  _can she do this? Can she attack her own mother?_ Every glance revealed the same smooth concentration, however. Whatever it was costing her, and if anyone could sympathize with maternal estrangement Alexis could, Liara was keeping her focus. This was about more than just her mother, and she knew it.

The Matriarch  _finally_ seemed to be running on empty. Out of the corner of her eye, while her team dealt with their last pair of commandos, she saw Meghan, with her helmet off, of course, punch one of the commandos hard enough to snap the fragile asari neck. Then their current targets decided that Liara was the bigger threat and Alexis had more immediate things to worry about than her fellow Shepard.  _Meghan can take care of herself._

Liara moved her arm in the mnemonic for a  _lift_  a little more frantically than usual but it still did the job.  _Frantic over her mother, or Meghan?_  Alexis and Kaidan opened fire on the floating asari. Liara scrambled to her feet and threw one last  _warp_ field at the final commando before advancing ahead of the marines. Kaidan glanced at Alexis, his eyebrow raised. The commander merely shook her head and delivered a final shot to the chest of the last commando before following the asari scientist. She quickened her steps to catch up.  _Well, there goes the training. She needs another lesson in field tactics. Heavily armored senior commanders advanced first, not civilians along for the ride._

Liara stopped at the foot of the steps, her eyes raised to platform. Meghan Shepard stood there, her shotgun pointed at Benezia, ordering the Matriarch to stand down. Ella Shepard was on the other side of her, shotgun similarly pointed, their teams arrayed behind them. Williams stood with military discipline, her rifle at the ready. Vakarian and Wrex each covered the stairs while Tali'Zorah had her 'Tool open, typing commands into it. Before Alexis could give any of them new orders, Benezia looked in her direction, but didn't even notice her, all attention aimed at Liara. The ancient alien's eyes widened, her body shifting in preparation for something, another  _mnemonic_? Ella slowly advanced, but not quite slowly enough, Benzia spinning at the movement beside her, flaring blue, surrounding herself and the Flight Commander with... something... that made the hair on the back of Alexis' neck stand straight up and her skin try to vibrate off her bones as the familiarity of Ella's biotics clashed violently with the asari's. The commander broke into a run, clearing the stairs in two leaps and Meghan opened fire on the Matriarch.

The blue light popped out of existence as Benezia began to fall, Liara sliding across the landing just in time to keep her mother's head from hitting the metal mesh floor. Wrex, the closest to Ella, managed to catch the vanguard awkwardly, one-handed, so that she slumped over his arm. Alexis' heart pounded in her stomach at the sight of her friend's still form, supported only by the krogan's strength. Tali looked up from the quick scan she'd run with her omni-tool, nodding gently. "I can't find any damage, she's just... unconscious."

Relief made Alexis' heart jump back into her chest where it belonged, and she looked up to see Kaidan, steady by the stairs, covering Benezia's still form with his pistol, just in case. She nodded in appreciation of his mind reading abilities.  _Exactly what needed to be done._  Before she could give Meghan a follow-up order, though, movement out of the corner of her eye made her turn.

It was another rachni. But different. Bigger. Alexis stepped closer, her attention drawn to the giant tank, ignoring Meghan helping Wrex to stabilize the unconscious Vanguard. She peered into the tank, trying to understand. And most importantly, get past the skin-crawling eeriness the alien engendered.  _Was it safe in there? Was it a danger? Could it attack? We need to make sure we're secure, that nothing can track our six before we can risk moving Ella._

The sound of weapons clearing harnesses and powering up made her turn to see the asari corpse she stood next to stumble awkwardly to its feet and slowly drag itself to the tank. Alexis didn't think she'd ever drawn her weapon faster in her life. She couldn't decide who to point it at, though. The star-fish-shaped tentacle stuck to the glass, or the asari shambling toward it?

And then, the asari spoke. Indeterminate sounds trailing her voice in a descant or an off-tempo harmony made Alexis lower her weapon and tilt her head to listen more carefully. "This one. Serves as our voice. We cannot sing."

 _Singing? How?_  When Meghan glanced at her, she was surprised to find she'd spoken aloud. "Your way of communicating is strange. Flat. It does not color the air. When we speak, one moves all."  _Wait, an entire species that communicates via music? Would it even be recognizable as such if I could hear it?_  Alexis had a brief fantasy of getting her keyboard attachment from the Normandy to see if she could...

"This is going to be a fun conversation," Wrex interrupted, his voice a bass rumble in the background. She didn't have to look to know Meghan glared at him.

"We are the mother." The giant insectoid creature continued. Alexis walked past the asari spokeswoman and stood staring into the tank, as if proximity could improve her understanding. "The Children you thought silenced." Alexis put her hand to the tank, "We are rachni," and froze as the last word hung in the air heavy with tension. Weapons powered up again.

Meghan asked the question that Alexis was thinking. "How are you speaking through her?" The honey-blonde's voice was tense. She couldn't blame her. Especially when the rachni explained it was a form psychic communication. Another form of mind control, musical though it sounded. "She has colors we have no names for. But she is ending. Her music is bittersweet. It is beautiful."  _Colors? Music? A form of synesthesia? An entire species that sees music as colors?_

The Queen urged her to end the children. Her children. "They are lost to silence." The queen made it sound like a tragedy.  _To see colors, to feel sounds, but to be cut off from music... that_ is _a tragedy._ "End their suffering... Claws with no songs of their own... Fear has shattered their minds." The descant under the words sounded sad, indescribably, horrifically mournful.  _We took them, we broke them, and now she has to trust us to kill them?_  She glanced back at Meghan and saw her eyes look suspiciously damp.  _Not that Meghan would admit it, if one of us dared to ask_.

"Makes sense." Kaidan pointed out softly, compassionately. He voiced the sorrow she felt, that the melody evoked, as she listened to the queen. "A baby left alone in a closet until he's sixteen won't be sane."

Alexis didn't really relish the idea of putting down the surviving rachni. But Kaidan's point was correct. Though, unlike an insane human teenager, a crazy rachni was automatically deadly. The queen interrupted her thoughts again. "Before you deal with our children, we stand before you." Matter-of-factly, her tone of voice not once changing, but the under-harmony seeming to sound pleading, begging. "What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more?"

Before she could respond, Wrex spoke up again. "There are acid tanks rigged up to that thing. Set them off. Millions of my ancestors died to put these things down. Don't let them come back." Alexis looked up and spotted the tanks. Dissolved by acid? No one deserved that. However, Wrex was right. The krogan species had paid a heavy price to see the rachni eradicated from the galaxy. The Genophage had just been insult on top of injury.

Kaidan, behind her to her left, was the voice of compassion. "Commander, there's some old grudges in the galaxy. Grudges humans should stay out of. If we kill her, we kill her entire race."

The descant crescendoed to a mournful series of half-whispered notes, "Your companions hear the truth. You have the power to free us, or return our people to the silence of memory." Meghan asked the obvious question about the queen's intentions, letting Alexis think. Sometimes, it was good to have a command staff that could almost read your mind.

"I do not know what happened in the war. We heard only discordance. Songs the color of oily shadows." Alexis blinked, startled.  _She can remember that far back?_  "We were only an egg, hearing Mother cry in our dreams. A tone from space hushed one voice after another. It forced the singers to resonate with its own sour yellow note."  _That makes no sense. Something took them over? Indoctrination? How?_  "The sky is silent."

She heard Meghan approach. "Look, Lex," she said quietly. "I wouldn't wish this decision on anyone. And whatever you choose, I'll have your back with the Council." She cleared her throat, her eyes watching the queen await her, her species', fate. She raised her eyes to the tanks and echoed Alexis' earlier thoughts. "That's a bad way to go."

The commander nodded. "Thanks, Meghan. Give me a moment?"

"Sure." The other commander stepped back to check on Ella, one quick nod letting Alexis know their friend was still stable.  _As stable as we can tell in the field, at least_. Liara was hovering; Alexis assumed the asari was trying to make sure her mother had done no permanent damage.

The queen appeared to be honorable. She knew her children were out of control and could not be reined in. They could only be euthanized. And she wanted to hide. Nothing else. Not avenge her species. She seemed to agree with their destruction. Alexis bowed her head. For the first time a while, she wondered what her father would think in this situation, she suspected her mother would have no hesitation in using those acid tanks. But, that way lay pain.  _Second chances. Everyone should have at least one. Death was too permanent_.  _Besides, I'd hate to have the fate of humanity judged by the actions of some of those in our past..._  "I won't destroy your entire race. You'll go free."

"Are you stupid?" Wrex snapped. "Your people didn't fight these bastards, so maybe you don't get it!"

Alexis spun to glare at the krogan. "Are we any better if we kill them all?"

"Do what you want," the krogan's voice was a snarl. "My people will clean up this mess later. Just like we did for the salarians."

"That's enough, Wrex." Meghan stood up, her face inches from the krogan's. "Shut up. Weren't you lecturing me the other day about how your people are going extinct? Weren't you bitching about how none of your scientists wanted to work on ways to fix things?" She poked her finger at the big alien's armored chestplate. "It's called a fucking second chance. You want the krogan to have one, maybe it's time you let others have one, too."

Wrex turned his head to stare steadily at the mercurial vanguard with one eye. "Don't push it, Shepard."

"Give me a reason, tough guy." Alexis trusted Meghan to know what she was doing, though she felt her hand inch toward her pistol. Would that even take out Wrex? Or just piss him off? The human met the krogan's single eye, dwarfed by the alien's bulk. She was afraid to take her eyes off them, but out of her periphery, she saw that Kaidan had taken his gun off the dead Matriarch to train it on the mercenary. Vakarian's rifle was aimed in the krogan's direction. Even Tali'Zorah's shotgun was pointed at the battlemaster. She doubted any one of them could get a shot off before this turned ugly.  _Hope Meghan can reach her beltknife fast_. They continued to stare at one another until, impossibly, Wrex chuckled.

"You're a little scary, Stormy." Alexis felt herself blink at the old nickname.

"And you're a tough old bastard, Avalanche." Meghan crossed her arms and leaned back on one leg. "We good?"

"Your commander had better be right."

"Wouldn't fucking be following her if she wasn't."

"You got a point there." He slapped Meghan on the arm hard enough the vanguard had to shift her weight to the other leg.

The queen brought their attention back to her, seeming to decide the krogan/human pissing match had ended. "You will give us the chance to compose anew?" A thready note of joy flowed in harmony to the words. "We will remember. We will sing of your forgiveness to our children."

"Great. Bugs are writing songs about you. Mark my words. You'll regret this." Wrex rumbled. But it lacked his previous ire, so Alexis ignored it. She shook her head and left him for Meghan to deal with. It seemed to suit some sort of krogan honor system she'd get her friend to explain later. Right now, it was time to free the rachni.

She pressed a few buttons on the console, paging down through the menu on the haptic interface to find the right command. The cage rose as the asari crumpled gracefully to the deck. The queen turned and tilted her head to watch Alexis with one of her many eyes. The commander thought she heard a single, farewell note trail behind the rachni as she exited the tank to flee the facility. She turned to look at her team, hoping she'd just done the right thing.

"Williams, Alenko, Wrex, you're with me. We have some bugs to exterminate. Shepard, take Ella and the rest back to the Normandy. Liara, we'll tend to your mother when there's time."

"Er, thank you, Commander." Liara stood, picking up Ella's unconscious body with a biotic field.

"Move out."


	42. Interlude: Tali's Letter Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: thanks abstractwhiz. adorable and brilliant and noticing of important typos that turned things into the wrong word completely. :)

_Father:_

_It works! That trick you taught me, to hack a geth? It works. I got data out of a memory core before it could run its self-destruct. It was an amazing feeling. Thank you, you were right. Sometimes lab work can be applied in the field. Sometimes._

Tali paused, fingers stilled above her holo-pad. She'd started the letter without really thinking about it, and now was convinced that she'd chosen the wrong way to go. He wouldn't respect her findings if she was babbling like a child. But it had worked. And it was amazing that she'd accomplished the retrieval as well as she had.  _Keelah_. She'd keep it in. She'd finally stopped making excuses with busy-work at her terminal in the engine room and started this note. She didn't dare stop now.

_Thank you for training me so well, sir._

That was much better. Formal. Respectful. Respect went both ways. Hopefully. Maybe too formal?

_Thank you for training me so well, Father. I do, however, have important intel to pass along to you, and through you, to the Admiralty board, that is quite time sensitive. There are remnant geth bases located in the Armstrong Cluster (coordinates attached). The_ Normandy _doesn't have the time or technical expertise to mount a salvage operation, which gives The Fleet an opportunity to do so. I'd hate for all that tech to go to waste._

_It will have to be a very skilled team, as the Alliance is increasing patrols in the area, and may even be considering sending in a crew of their own._

Tali paused again. Would the Commanders be upset by that warning? The Flight Commander,  _don't think about the Flight Commander, the Doctor had said things were hopeful,_ had given her the intel from the geth databases, however, and knew she was going to be providing all that information to her Captain when she returned from her Pilgrimage. They had to know she would give her people everything she could, everything she knew, right? It was her duty. She'd explained that as clearly as she could. And she'd already wasted a ridiculous amount of time prepping the encryption and then worrying about the letter to accompany the data; she had to get this finished.

_Even if you can't get a crew out, I hope the data and salvage I've found will help with your research._   _The mechanical pieces I've recovered from defeated geth have all been deactivated, and are as safe for transport as I could make them. The footage from my combat recordings has been enhanced, and should be high enough quality to allow you to extrapolate further geth schematics._

_They appear to be adapting and improving in ways beyond any of our projections. There's even evidence they're imitating religious behavior. (see omnitool footage addendum 2) We could come up with no other hypothesis to explain the structure we discovered than that of an altar. Perhaps you'll reach better conclusions._

Not that she really thought there were any better conclusions. Everyone had thought it looked like an altar. Geth. Worshipping... something. She really didn't want to think about that.

"Tali!" A quick flick of her fingers hid the letter she'd been working on, and she turned towards Adams as he approached. "You're supposed to be on shore leave, just like the rest of the crew." He smiled softly, though, obviously not upset. "Would you like something to take your mind off things? The decon on that probe we picked up on our way here finally finished. Might be a nice surprise for Dr. T'Soni, don't you think? Considering she's probably more in need of distraction than anyone else aboard. Come, help me set it up for her." The older man's eyes practically twinkled. He loved his job. And if his job meant he could help someone else out at the same time? Definitely a plus. She liked that about him. He could be cheerful, and enthusiastic, and ever so kind, and never once had it made him less than brilliant.

She ignored the slightly guilty sensation of relief that accompanied leaving the letter behind. It wasn't right that he was fun to work with, that a human was so easy to talk to... But she'd have plenty of warning if the crew got called back early to prep for take-off. It made sense to help the Chief Engineer now, to do something that benefited everyone, not just herself, and finish her personal work later.

* * *

Tali stared uncomfortably at her abandoned note, fingers hovering uneasily above the pad. She didn't think she'd said what she wanted to say, somehow. But time was running out, and there was no telling when next they'd run into a decent mail-drop, (spacers loved their mail, but there were only so many logical places to put them, space being, rather, well, big), so she  _had_  to get this done. No more delaying. She just had to sign off, right?

_While I have finished the basic task of my Pilgrimage, you have always taught me to consider the greater good. And I believe this journey I am on, assisting this crew with this mission, is of the greatest good. I must see it through before I return. Please accept my best wishes for you, and the Fleet, and pass along my greetings to Aunt Shaala when next you see her._

_Tali_

A sharp pang of home-sickness broke through her reserve as she typed Shaala'Raan's name. It would be good to go home again. But she had a task to finish, first. She was useful here. They needed her.

Trying to save the Galaxy seemed much to grand a goal, to her, but there were people she'd hate to know had been hurt, or lost, because of Saren. Not just quarians, either. Adams, Wrex, Williams... even Joker and the Commanders,  _Ella Shepard_ , for all she didn't think she understood them, had proven their worth. As had she, she hoped.

"Keelah," she whispered softly, triggering her encryption algorithim before she could worry herself out of it. It was done. Ready to go. As ready as she could get it, anyways.

Hopefully the intel they'd gathered here would be worth it. Worth Liara and her mother. Worth the Flight Commander in sick-bay.  _Worth setting the rachni free again? Is that even possible?_  Tali was starting to understand the Commanders' fondness for shooting things. It was rather soothing, sometimes, to make things blow up and forget about everything else.


	43. Busman's Holiday

_Silence._ It was what Alexis had wanted: the deafness of silence to drown her thoughts. There was no crew milling about the decks to fill out the background, no idle hum of machines. It was just her in the dim lighting of the bridge, monitoring communications while the rest of the crew had been cut free on leave. They were permitted to go into Port Hanshan for supplies and shopping, but they were to report back to their section head every two hours to check to see if priorities had changed. She had even managed to get the grumpy pilot from his perch in the cockpit; even if he went kicking and screaming. It beat hovering outside the medbay, or dealing with people, while her XO, and one of her best friends, was still out cold. _Now if only my thoughts would quiet down and let me not think for a change._

Fat chance of that happening though. Noveria had been a clusterfuck, to say the least. One Spectre down, having been mentally assaulted by Saren's lieutenant, with no new leads at the present. _And I unleashed what could be one of the biggest threats to the galaxy. Did I do the right thing? Fuck, even if we stop Saren, if the Rachni become a threat, it's on me. Damn it, why can't you be here for me to talk to, Dad?_

Her gut twisted at the thought of her father, and she felt a pang of grief for Liara. All of the Shepards had dealt with losing a parent at some point in their life, and true to form, it had not gone well for any of them. Alexis hoped that Liara would be able to cope better then they had. The scientist was the lynchpin for all the screwed up Prothean messages in their heads, and Alexis needed her to be sharp and on task, despite everything. _I can't have her blaming herself like I…_

"Commander.”

The husky, low voice was unmistakable, and hell, she had been so absorbed in her own mind that she had not even noticed the familiar hum of his biotics that tickled the back of her neck whenever he got near. She fought an urge to look back to him and pretended to read the datapad she held in one hand.

“Yes, Lieutenant?”

"Is now a better time for, uh. I mean. I think we need to talk?"

 _Oh fuck. What the hell are we supposed to talk about? The kiss? The completely unprofessional behavior? Damn it, Meg had tried to get them to talk about it already, and something always got in the way._ She kept her attention riveted to the datapad in her hands. "I'm not sure this is the best time." She put on her best Commander's voice. "Aren't you supposed to be off duty somewhere?"

"Aren't you?" There was a determined edge in Kaidan’s voice, and she could hear his footfalls as he moved into the cockpit and into her peripheral vision, sitting in the empty seat across from her. "And we're not likely to have a better time, are we?" He looked around the very deserted CIC and cockpit before shrugging.

 _Talking was bad. She had had this argument with her brain before._ She tightened her grip on the datapad. “Fine, Lieutenant. What is it that you wish to speak about?”

"Alexis," his voice was a whisper, pleading. Warm fingers hovered over hers on the datapad, barely brushing against her skin. "Please."

Touch. Touch was almost worse than talking. It had this bad habit of making her forget all reason and logic, and just be a woman. And no one should be able to say her name and make it sound like that. Not ever. Not when it made her heart ache, and speed. Leaping to her feet, as if lightning struck between them, she moved to the other side of the cockpit, her back to him. Yet, she could still feel him there, that familiar biotic resonance. "Don't. Just... don't you have any idea how difficult this already is?"

"How would I know? You won't talk to me, beyond work stories over coffee. I know more about your last posting than I know about you."

 _Personal is personal. Professional is professional. It’s all supposed to be nice and neat, and tidy. Not stolen moments in the locker room, praying that no one interrupts. Or looking forward to every cup of coffee, even if it’s in silence._ "I'm your commanding officer. No matter what else I may want, I can't keep forgetting that every ti--- I have to remember that."

"You say that, _ma'am_ ," The way he said that word made it hurt. It wasn’t that normal soothing ma’am. But angry, annoyed. "But you don't act it. I'll follow your lead, if I know which dance we're doing."

She turned back around to look at him. "This isn't some game to me, damn it. This is my job, my career. I have to do what's right for everyone. I can't sit around pretending that I get to be a girl with a guy. No matter what attraction might be there."

"Might? You make a habit of kissing people in the locker room, Alexis?"

Her cheeks flushed at the comment, and a snap of ice shot down her fingers. “Do you make it a habit of talking about your exploits with the first marine that badgers you about them?"

"No, I don't!" He stood up, running a hand through his hair. "Nothing I've done since I met you is anything I've ever made a habit of before. I don't screw around where I work, I don't mess with the chain of command, I don't kiss and tell, but you...” Kaidan stopped himself, looking to his feet and shaking his head, and she had to stop the urge to go to him. _And this is why it’s bad…_ “I don't know what I'm doing with you, Alexis. Do you know what we're doing? Because I would love to know anything that's going on in that head of yours."

There was a hint of pain in that voice, and it was determined to break her. She didn’t want to hurt him, but with everything else, _the Rachni, Ella, her dad…_ She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to keep herself in check, to keep from letting tears start now. "Fine. You want to know what's going on in my head. Ask me anything. No holding back. Anything. And I'll give you the answers you just have to have."

Alexis braced herself, not knowing what to expect. Figuring she would be answering something that she wouldn’t normally address. “If I try to hold your hand will you pull away again? Or will you sit with me?"

Her heart fluttered at the soft way Kaidan spoke. Of all the things he could ask, that was it? Something so simple? _And practically forbidden._ She didn't know what to say. She simply bit her bottom lip and sat back down. _I just want something to be simple for once._

Sitting back down, he took her hand in his, carefully tracing her fingers, and sending goose bumps up her arm. "I feel like I know you. Better than I've known anyone in years. But I hardly know anything about you, besides what you've done with the Alliance." He glanced up at her face, still holding her hand. "Why'd you start playing the piano?"

"My father. He loved music. He played a bit himself, and it was something that he always looked forward to when he'd get home from his tours." Her voice was low, sad, and she could feel a knot in her throat.

"What was his favorite song?"

“ _Metamorphosis_ by Phillip Glass. I... “ Her voice choked a bit, and she felt tears that she had been holding back trickle down her cheeks. _I never got to play it for him._

He brought his other hand to face, cupping her cheek and wiping away her tears with his fingers. The hand that still held hers, squeezed gently, comforting. "Tell me about him?"

She couldn't look at Kaidan, and it took her longer than she’d care to acknowledge to even find her voice. It was always so damned hard to speak about him now. “He was my rock. I could tell him anything. I mean, both my parents were navy but my dad walked away from it. When I was twelve. Gave up flying and home-schooled me. Pushed me to follow my heart, my dreams." _Right? You wanted me to follow my own path, no matter what, right, Dad?_

"Flying, huh? Not many pilots know how to let that go. He sounds like a wonderful man. How long, since he... " He shook his head. "Nevermind, you don't have to answer that."

The silence of the ship felt like the hole that had been in her heart for far too long. And she still kept her eyes down, looking at their hands, still touching. “Four years. It'll be four years in a few weeks.”

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged, trying to force herself to not care. To pretend that it didn’t threaten to cripple her in every way imaginable. Except, it did, and the tears still raced down her cheeks, one by one.

He pulled his hand away from hers, letting his fingers instead slide through her hair for a moment before he shifted to hold her close. He tucked her in against his shoulder, leaning his head against hers. It was an awkward position and probably uncomfortable for him, but she welcomed the embrace at the moment. "You're allowed to miss him, Alexis."

Both Meg and Ella had told her the same thing, multiple times, when they were together, and when they were separate. But if that was true, why had her mother kept her in the dark for so long? Kept her from the funeral. Why had he...

Sobs wracked her body, chasing away the rest of the thought, and she felt the arms around her tighten slightly, rubbing her back, stroking her hair. His voice murmuring softly against her ear. She wasn’t entirely sure how long he held her like that, just being a soothing comfort, but once the crying subsided, he tilted her chin up, forcing her to look into his brown eyes. He offered a sympathetic smile. "Sometimes time doesn't seem to help much, does it? It still feels like a twist of the knife whenever the memories come back."

"Maybe it would be different if... "

"If what?" 

_If my mother had told me sooner. If I had gotten to go to his funeral. If I had been home before…_ "Just.. regrets. Of the things I was unable to do."

“Did he know you loved him?" _I think he did. I hope he did._ If not, was that why? She managed a weak nod, and he shifted again, so he held her face between his hands, thumbs absently tracing her cheeks. Eyes locked in a gaze that somehow made everything hurt less, and more, at the same time. "Then what could you possibly have to regret?"

"It's... complicated." She places her hands on top of his. "He killed himself. When I was in spec. forces training." Her eyes dropped as soon as the words left her mouth. _Oh god, Dad, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have..._

"Oh, no, Alexis." She felt his hands tense, and then his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry."

The sobbing started anew as admitting the truth was just as bad as learning it for the first time. Admitting it was somehow a betrayal of everything she tried to cherish about her father, and it hurt more than anything. Strong arms pulled her close, enveloping her in a way that said for once it was okay. It was okay to fall apart. 

_How could he do it, why Dad, why…_

For the first time in four years, she let herself cry.

~*~

Meghan Shepard stared down into the crystal clear water in her glass. She’d actually been charged for it, the bartender claiming it had been distilled from the snow that constantly fell from Noveria’s frigid skies and barely needed refrigeration to stay cool. _Then why was it so damned expensive?_

The hotel bar was nice and quiet. Too bad she felt brutish and uncivilized, awkward and out of place amongst the genteel business people and scientists quietly discussing contracts and signing bonuses. One of them had named a figure that had made her head spin. It was more money than she and her co-Spectres could ever hope to earn in a year, even with the prospecting they occasionally had the chance to do. She and Williams shared an amused but shocked glance at that one. 

Garrus did something incomprehensible on his omni-tool on the other side of her, ignoring their surroundings for the most part, but still seeming to be alert, nonetheless. She turned around and swirled the water in her glass. He’d probably have that rifle out and ready before she’d even readied a mnemonic, if there was trouble. 

Everyone might be on shore leave, but with Ella out of commission, Meghan couldn’t consider herself off-duty at all. “You know, I don’t mind keeping civilians safe, Chief, but spending time with them just makes me uncomfortable.”

“I know the feeling, Shep.”

Meghan glanced at the turian to her left. “What the hell is so fascinating, Vakarian?”

He looked up at her, startled and blinked at her owlishly. _Wait, can a turian_ be _owlish?_ “Just that device the asari gave us. I, uh, took the liberty of making a hard and fast copy of it. Binary Helix has some odd data patterns.”

Ashley rolled her eyes. “And what does that mean in English, Vakarian?” she demanded.

His cheek plates fluttered against his jaw. “It means that Binary Helix is using a level of encryption unusual for even a facility this paranoid.” Meghan realized her face must’ve gone blank at his explanation because he sighed and leaned over to show her the interface on his ‘Tool. He was close enough that her next breath brought her the oddly sweetened leather scent of sweaty turian as he leaned closer to her to let her look over his shoulder. Even odder, it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. He pointed with one gloved finger and she followed its length to the hologram. “OK, look, see there?” Meghan tried, but the lines of code meant nothing to her. “That’s what it should look like. See the orderly patterns?” He glanced at her and waited for her to nod then pressed a few more buttons. Williams leaned over Meghan’s other shoulder to look. He jabbed another finger at the display. Even Meghan could tell something was very different about the data stream she was looking at. Instead of the neat lines of code marching down the screen, it was jagged, unevenly spaced and far more crowded. 

“OK, so... they got creative?” Meghan asked, looking at the turian out of the corner of her eye.

“They don’t make ‘em like they used to?” Williams quipped.

He huffed out a breath. “No one ever made them like this. Not without hiding something big.”

Meghan paused, letting Vakarian’s statement sink in. Someone was covering their tracks and if they hadn’t copied that asari’s device that created that back door, they’d have never gotten to see this. Meghan glanced at Williams and back to Vakarian, a tight grin spreading across her lips. “So, it appears our shore leave is over, kids. BH has some secrets that might need to see the light of day.” She widened her smile, seeing an answering grin spread across William’s face, and Vakarian’s cheekplates tilt upward. “Especially considering their stockholders and what we found on Peak 15.”

It didn’t take long to locate Binary Helix’s branch offices. They were in the next building over from the port, connected by a broad skyway to protect against the severely inclement weather. Meghan and Williams stood lookout while Vakarian knelt in front of the door panel and persuaded the security system they were no threat. The commander was glad it was the middle of Noveria’s night shift. Which meant most, if not all, of the office workers would be home and in bed. The memory of shooting Sergeant Kaira Starling, a hypocritical, crooked cop, floated to the forefront of her mind. It had never been Meghan’s plan to kill the woman, but she’d had a lot of gall to stand there and tell off a Spectre for being a cop killer when Starling’s own hands were covered in blood coated protection money.

“Ok, we’re in,” Vakarian announced, straightening from his crouch. 

Office spaces at night always had this sort of deathly anticipation to them. Meghan thought offices were creepy during the day anyway, but at night, they took on this whole new spookiness like the desks and terminals were just biding their time before the workers would come back and reanimate them and then they could take over.

 _Husks._ That what it reminded her of. Those technozombies they kept running into everywhere. She shuddered and checked the readout on her shotgun. “You have the security system turned off, right?” 

Vakarian huffed out a breath. “Do I look like a rookie? And it’s all on a continuous loop, not turned off. All the cameras will record is an empty suite and all the motion detectors will detect is empty air.”

“How did a cop get so good at breaking and entering?” Williams asked, voicing the question that was on Meghan’s lips.

“You have to know what the criminals are doing in order to catch them, Chief.”

Meghan swallowed a laugh. “Good thing the cops back on earth weren’t that competent.” She cleared her throat at his startled cheekplate fluttering. _What, I can’t pay the guy a compliment? Have I been that big a bitch?_ “Where are we going, Vakarian?” 

He consulted his Omni-Tool. “Northeast, far corner. Should be a computer VI core there.” 

Meghan caught Williams’ startled glance. “You can hack a VI?”

Vakarian put up his ‘tool and unholstered his sniper rifle. Glancing down at the shorter women he shrugged. “Hack no. Trick? Yes. I can convince it I’m supposed to have the information we want. It’s not quite the same as hacking.”

Williams looked at him doubtfully. “If you say so.”

Mehgan laughed and crossed in front of the turian to take point. “Take the rear, Williams.” Fortunately, the building wasn’t very big. The VI core proved to be under a staircase. Meghan motioned for Williams to stand look out at the doorway. Ideally, the squad would have been large enough to cover the front entrance, too, but this was what Shepard had to work with.

Vakarian crouched down but before he could anything, the VI interface popped up. “Welcome to Binary Helix’s main database. You do not have clearance to access these records, please see an administrator during business hours to get the necessary clearance. Welcome to..” 

Meghan rolled her eyes at the third repeat. “Any chance you can mute that thing or shut it up?”

Vakarian’s only response was a grunt as his fingers flew over the access console next to the persistent VI. It appeared to be modeled on an earnest young human male, its modestly handsome features drawn in anxiety as it recognized Vakarian’s invasion. “--You do not have clearance -- Ah, welcome Administrator. How can I help you today?”

The former cop glanced at her, his cheekplates flared in a grin. It was a fearsome sight but no longer intimidating. She was glad she was getting used to turian facial expressions even if she had no clue what half of them meant yet. “Ever get the feeling we’re going in circles?”

“Usually. That’s when I’m glad I’m not in command.” He lowered his head back to look at the haptic interface.

“It must drive Shepard nuts,” Meghan replied, drily.

“You mean Ice?” Meghan stared at him wide-eyed and he coughed. “Er, I mean... “

She stifled a laugh, remembering Wrex’s use of her nickname earlier. “So, who let our nicks slip and how badly can I hurt them?”

“I, uh....” _Was his neck turning blue?_

She clapped him on the shoulder, but not hard enough to make him make a mistake. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve been called worse things than Stormy. All things considered, it’s not a terrible call sign.”

“It suits you. That nickname, I mean.” He was blushing! 

“Thank you. And hey, I know things have been strained between us since we sparred that time. I’m sorry we left things like that.”

He stopped typing to look at her. “Well, in that case, I’ve been meaning to apologize, too. I had no right to judge you. I wasn’t there.” 

“No, you weren’t. But I get touchy about things I regret. Usually when I let my temper take over.”

He made a short sound that might have been a laugh. “I hadn’t noticed. Commander.”

Meghan grinned. “That’s awfully close to insubordination, soldier.”

He jerked his head toward her, startled. “I, uh..”

“I’m _joking_ , Garrus. For fuck’s sake, relax.” 

The bluish tint to his neck didn’t recede. It may have gotten darker. It was hard to tell in the orange light of the ‘tool’s glow. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Download finished, Administrator. Is there anything else this unit can assist you with?” 

He glanced at Meghan. “Erase all evidence we were here.”

“Delete the last ten minutes from your logs and instead report a level 2 diagnostic scan,” the turian ordered.

“I’m afraid, administrator, that... Yes, you do have clearance to request that. Initiating directory and memory purge. One moment.”

Vakarian jerked his head toward the exit of the room. Meghan got the point. They needed to be out of there before the VI came back online.

“Did you get it all?” Williams asked in greeting.

“Of course!” Meghan grinned. “Someone needs to let BH know that when it lies down with dogs....”

“It gets up with fleas,” Williams finished, grinning. “Should we let the tech heads attack that, now? No offense, Vakarian.”

“None taken. I know where my skills lie.”

Meghan nodded. “Yeah, let’s take that back to the ship. Comm the Commander we’re on our way.”

~*~ 

It was all very strange.

She should be very worried over the fact that she and her lieutenant were sitting off by themselves, where the crew could see them. Sitting, and talking, cups of coffee in each of their hands, and legs touching. Except for some reason, it didn't bother her. Not right now anyway.

No, it was more strange the fact that she was somehow managing to attempt any kind of conversation. Not after she spent the better part of the ship's leave weeping, and feeling utterly despondent. It left her feeling more vulnerable and exposed than anything she had ever done. _And he's still here._

"It's weird, huh?" His voice was soft, in that lower register that she could listen to all day.

"Hmm?" She snuck a glance over to him, holding her coffee close to her lips.

Kaidan remained looking out over the crew walking past them. "World keeps going on, trying to be normal. Like nothing changed. Despite geth, and Saren. And. Personal stuff."

 _Personal stuff. Like me sobbing all over you, cradled in your arms._ She forced herself to take a sip of the coffee and prayed that for once there was no flush of heat across her cheeks. "If only everything was so simple as normal."

"Huh. Normal." She could feel him kind of shrug and saw the cup lift up past her peripheral vision. "Haven't managed normal since before I was a teenager. What do you think you'd be doing, if you had more than a passing acquaintance with normal?"

"Me?" She blinked, lower her own cup back down into her lap. _What the hell would I have been doing if life were more normal._ "I, uh, might have actually taken that scholarship to study music. And probably would be married." She winced as soon as she said it. _Fuck, I'd probably have stayed with Wesley, and then where would I have been. Ugh, bad thoughts._ She cleared her throat. "What about you?"

"Hmm. I did keep taking apart the folks' desk unit and trying to put it back together to run faster. Once a tech-geek, I guess? Did it with my sister's toys, too. They never seemed to appreciate my improvements." He chuckled softly, and she couldn't help but smile a bit. It didn't sound all too much different from reality there. Kaidan always seemed to be trying to find something to take apart and fix.

"Sisters, huh?" That had been something new, though.

"Haven't I mentioned? Huh." She felt him shrug, his arm rubbing against hers, and the briefest moment of flesh against flesh. "We have been tap-dancing, haven't we? Well. Yes, my folks adopted them when I was five. Twin girls." He let out a huff of breath and then took another sip of his coffee. She then felt him shift, and she glanced to see him smiling at her. "Told them to take them back after the first week. I was done playing with babies, and I wanted the spare room back for a dog instead."

 _Oh, how delightful, and precious._ There was a part of her that just wanted to curl up around the warm feeling that just speaking to him was giving her at the moment, but all she managed was to stifle the laughter of how precocious and direct children could be. "I think I'd have wanted a dog over a pair of twin siblings myself. They had to have tormented you once they got older."

He shook his head, his lips forming that half smile that made her heart skip. And want to reach out to just run her fingers along his jaw to feel the shift beneath his skin. _And I should stop thinking like that. Someone is bound to notice that I can’t keep my eyes off him._ "Oh, you have no idea. They were terrifying and merciless, but everyone else seemed to think they were cute."

"Of course. It's a girl thing. We learn very early on how hard it is for adults to resist the big eyes and sweet smiles." She smiled at him, and for a second, everything seemed to fade away. She was keenly aware that he was staring at her, his eyes lingering on her mouth. _And god, I just want to feel those lips against mine again._ Her mouth was suddenly very dry, and somewhere in the background, she heard a muffled "Commander". And, she forced herself to clear her throat and bring back reality. "Now, don't you go and tell them I told you. Those are very important girl secrets after all."

"I'll always keep your secrets, Alexis." For a second, she saw Kaidan’s cheeks redden slightly before he ducked his head and cleared his own throat.

And all she wanted to do is reach over and lift his face so she could stare into those whiskey colored eyes, as her heart pounded painfully in her chest. _What was it that made everything, even the simplest things, seem so painfully intimate?_ She could feel the flame in her face, and she did her best to ignore it, biting her lip and twirling the cup of coffee in her hands. "So, uhm, what are their names?"

"Amira and Lina. Lina Rei, to be precise. She used to throw a tantrum if you tried to shorten her name at all. So I called her Li." He laughed, and something about the laugh made her think of bittersweet nostalgia. "She never would accept anyone else's opinions on anything."

"That sounds lovely."

 _Wait, did I actually just say that out loud._ She darted a look over to him, gripping her cup, knuckles turning white. One eyebrow quirked in question, confirming that she had actually said that, and she fought the urge to find a way to disappear into the cup of coffee in her hands. Somehow, she managed a slight shrug and inclined her head towards some of the crew walking by. "Not having to worry about anyone else. Not worrying about wanting to do things you can't."

 _We shouldn't_.

She shifted next to him, her hip brushing against his, and she couldn't help but look up into those eyes, dark and focused directly on her. "Oh. Yes." His voice was soft, rough, reminiscent of that moment of weakness in the locker room. He coughed slightly. "That does. Sound lovely. Ma'am."

_What would a second kiss be like? Demanding and rough like the first? Or something else. Something soft, inviting. The kind that makes the world stop, and everything else bleed away._

"Commander."

She blinked, realizing that the world had just done that, except all she had done was gotten lost staring into his eyes. Bringing the cup to her mouth, she finished her coffee, her mouth dry as a desert world. She then turned her attention to the crewman standing, waiting. "Yes, Corporal Emerson?"

"Engineer Adams needs a word with you, ma'am."

 _Of course. Job is never done. No time to sit and relax._ "Right." She repressed the sigh that was on her lips and moved to stand, her hand bracing against Kaidan's leg, feeling his hand next to hers. "Have a good evening, Lieutenant."

"You too. Ma'am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the actual chapter we meant to add. The previous was actually a rough that got posted by accident. We apologize. We were so excited to post new stuff, we forgot which one we were supposed to put up!


	44. Aftermath

Ella blinked, slowly, fuzzy tiles eventually settling into a familiar view. _I think I hate that ceiling. And blue light. May I never be posted on a ship with this much blue light again._ She turned her head, also slowly, aiming a rough cough into her shoulder, trying to remember what had gotten her sent to med-bay this time. She didn't feel any particular sharp-stabbing- _fuck-I-got-shot_ pains, but she could just be on really good meds?

But then the massive throbbing pain in her head wouldn't -

_Benezia._

As if the memory of her summoned her daughter, blue fingers intruded on Ella's field of vision, seeming almost to shimmer, until the cold lightly brushed against her lips, and she opened her mouth to feel an ice chip slipped onto her tongue.

"Don't try and talk, yet," Liara's soft voice whispered above her. "Dr. Chakwas says you'll be fine, but it's likely to be uncomfortable if you rush getting up. She said your hormone levels went a bit off the normal human scale as your body tried to adjust to... whatever it was my mother," Liara's voice broke briefly. "Before Benezia tried to attack?"

Ella grunted, shaking her head slightly. _She wasn't attacking. She was - leaving a message?_ She gently rolled the ice chip away from her teeth, settling it in the middle of her mouth, waiting for it to melt before she attempted speech. Not like she had a clue what she was going to say, anyways. _Sorry we killed your mom, but she did try and kill us first? Oh, and she was sorry about that, by the way. I think._

"Commander," Chakwas somehow managed to be brisk and comforting at the same time. _Can I adopt you? Will you follow me around and patch me up for the rest of my life?_ "Look this way." A horribly bright light flashed back and forth as the doctor checked her pupils, the pain from the light searing all the way through Ella's eyes and head to the base of her skull, sympathetic twinges working their way down her neck and spine. _I take that back. Damn sadist._ There was a bit of tilting of head and arms and legs and taking of blood and tapping of joints and consulting of screens, before Chakwas grunted softly. "You're just fine, Commander. Slightly dehydrated, but everything else appears to be back to normal."

Liara sighed in relief; Ella nodded and continued sucking on her third or fourth ice chip. Chakwas patted Liara gently on the shoulder, before heading for the door. "I'll go let the Commanders and the crew know you're all right." The older woman paused, one eyebrow raised as she glanced at Liara. Ella nodded, slightly. Chakwas flashed her a discreet smile and stepped out past the door, one slight beep signalling the lock engaging after it slid shut behind her.

"I'm sorry that my mother tried to," Liara swallowed, awkwardly, blue eyes dropping as she clenched her hands in front of her stomach.

"She tried to say good-bye, Liara," Ella spoke up as gently as she could, shifting herself up on the bed to try and find a more comfortable angle.

"What?" Liara looked up, eyes sharp for just an instant as she zeroed in on the commander's face. "I thought you stopped her from killing me!"

"She was already dying, then, Liara. Which was apparently enough to help her," Ella shrugged, "break free."

"Break?"

"Shiala was right. Matriarch Benezia wasn't in control anymore. Not until... the end."

"How do you know that?" Liara took one shaky step forward, hope and confusion and grief fighting for dominance in her wide blue eyes.

"She told me."

"And you... believed her?"

"All she said was 'Good-bye, Little Wing _,_ '" Ella saw Liara flinch, just slightly, her shoulders tightening as if preparing for another blow when Ella opened her mouth again. "Then she grabbed my hand and..." Ella tapped her forehead, not quite sure how to describe the flood of rage and grief and determination that had been Benezia, brutally punching a hole through screams of metal and wire, forcing her way past the trap that Saren and his ship had made of her mind, diving into Ella's fragile human psyche to leave behind a giant rock of a message, wrapped tight and secure in scratchy burlap and sitting in the middle of her brain for Liara to find. "Gave me something for you?"

 _And then whispered about how they'd said there'd be a light, as she died and I passed out, but I don't think it will help you to hear that part._ Ella's shoulders hunched uncomfortably, carefully side-stepping thoughts of mothers alone in darkness forever. It hadn't helped her to hear that part either.

Liara took two more shaky steps forward, until she was next to the bed, close enough to grab Ella's hand. She didn't touch anything though, arms hovering above the bed rail instead. "Gave you?"

"Yeah." Ella reached one hand up to grasp Liara's fingers, pulling her hand down to rest on the mattress beside her. "Guess you get to go poking around in my head again, huh?"

"I wouldn't want, if you didn't, I mean," the scientist stuttered slightly, eyelids dropping to hide her gaze.

"Liara."

The asari's fidgets finally stilled, and she lifted her chin to look Ella directly in the eyes.

"There we go." Ella sighed, squeezing gently around Liara's hand. _No crying. For either of us. Not yet._ "My mother died for me when I was 16. After feeling how Benezia fought, I can't not think about her. I don't want to stick you with my grief as well as your own, but I also don't want to leave this... whatever, in my head. It itches."

Liara's soft giggle was suspiciously damp sounding, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Thank you," she whispered softly. "We should wait until you're on your feet again. Tomorrow, after breakfast?"

"Alright."

Liara leaned forward to give Ella a soft kiss on the cheek, then leaned back too quickly, almost tripping over her own feet as she tried to step away from the bed. _Is she blushing? I didn't know asari could blush._ "Oh, I'm sorry, that was too forward, wasn't it? Humans don't.. I'm so sor - "

"It's fine," Ella interrupted gently, "some humans do that, don't worry."

_Mama leaning forward, kissing Miss Charlotte on the cheek before she left after their card game. "Your turn to bring the cake next week." Both of them smiling._

A slight cough from the doorway dragged her wandering thoughts back to the present. Ella shifted her head enough to see around the scientist, a task made easier than usual as Liara was hunching her shoulders, apparently trying to disappear into the floor under Meghan's sharp green gaze, one blonde eyebrow lifted in something that might have been amusement. Or suspicion. Hard to tell with Meg, sometimes, even after way the fuck too many years. _Dungeons and hospitals and spaceships, oh my._

Ella aimed an amused eyebrow of her own across the room. "Checking up on me, are you, Shepard?"

"Seemed like a good idea," Meghan's gaze flickered briefly to Liara, then back again. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Nah, we've just got a date tomorrow morning."

"What? No, it's not a ... not really?" The asari glanced at Meghan and back to Ella, her blue eyes wide.

Meghan laughed. "Don't mind her sense of humor, Liara. It's been known to send hardened Marines crying to their mommies." Sobering, she crossed to stand next to the asari and looked down at her friend. "You feeling better?"

"Sure." Ella shrugged, shoulders rubbing uncomfortably against the sheet beneath her. "Thirsty. Itchy brain. Liara offered to help. That's about it."

"Itchy brain." Meghan's voice was slow and even, but her eyebrows were attempting to climb into her hairline.

Ella shifted her gaze toward the asari. Who was, unsurprisingly, staring at Meghan with something suspiciously similar to awe. "Liara?" She coughed gently. "Could you perhaps get me dinner while I rehash with the Commander?"

"Oh!" Liara's gaze flickered back and forth, as if uncertain how to settle. "Of course, right, sorry, I'll be right back." The poor woman practically scurried out the door.

"Benezia was trying to get to Liara. Leave her a message. Only way she could get past the Ship and its tricks."

"There's a way around the Indoctrination Shiala mentioned?"

"Yeah. Dying." Ella snorted drily. "Or, at least I think that's how she managed it. Have to unwrap her present to be sure. That's what the date's about."

Meghan frowned. "You need my help?"

"Always." Ella tilted her head. "Only maybe not this time. Lex would probably be better back-up actually. Liara's a bit too fond of you, and I'd rather not have her self-conscious while we're mucking about in my head again."

"Wait." Meg held up a hand. "What?"

"We've had this conversation before, Meg, dear." Ella tried to swallow the urge to laugh. "You rescued her? She accidentally discovered you have a tragic past, even if she's not sure exactly what? Plus asari catnip." Her lips twitched as a snicker escaped, despite her best intentions. "You're why she didn't like my date crack."

Meg's hand was now holding her head, her mutter aimed at the floor. "I thought I dealt with that."

"What, by avoiding it?"

"Well, yes."

"That never works." Ella smirked. "Now you're mysterious, too."

Narrowed eyes glared at her as Meg lifted her head. "You're not funny."

"I'm hysterical." Ella widened her eyes, putting on her best fake innocent look. "You just lack a sense of humor."

"My sense of humor is fine. It's normal. Not a sick and twisted thing like yours." Meg shook her head. "Anyways. What time tomorrow? I'll tell Lex."

"Right after breakfast." A barely audible sigh escaped through Ella's lips. "I'll let Chakwas know too."

"I'll meet you in the mess at oh-seven-hundred." Meg rubbed the back of her neck, echoing Ella's sigh with one of her own. "I plan on beating the crap out of a punching bag before then."

"Give it a couple extra hits for me?" Ella's lips twisted in a wry grin. _And of course she's coming too. Should've known that suggestion wouldn't work._ "I should probably wait a bit longer before attempting to pummel anything."

"Yeah, you've been on the receiving end of the pummelling too much lately. Need your rest."

"Rest is dull."

The whoosh of the door interrupted them, Liara carefully balancing a tray on both hands. Equally carefully looking more at the floor than either of the marines. _Poor lady. Probably still trying not to blush._

"Of course it's dull. That's why they call it 'rest.' Not... fun or chocolate or sex or something." Meg's nimble fingers snatched a piece of faux fruit from Liara's tray and popped it into her mouth, nodding at the asari with a wink when she lifted her head. "Liara." _Oh, that's gonna help with the catnip problem._

Meg aimed a bow and a mock salute at Ella as soon as she'd licked her fingers clean, then slid quickly out of medbay. _Off to keep an eye on someone else, probably. Mother hen._

_I should call her that to her face some day, see if she hits me._

Ella swallowed yet another snicker, aware that Liara would probably take it the wrong way, would assume it a reaction to the violet flush staining her cheeks as she watched the doors close behind the marine CO.

"You are aware, I'm sure," Ella spoke up softly, "that she does not... reciprocate?"

Liara blinked at her, startled. "What? Oh. Um. I don't - There's nothing to - "

"Liara." Ella interrupted the scientist's stutter.

Liara's eyes were closed as she lifted her head. The blush had faded. Her shoulders were stiff and still for a moment, until her eyes opened and she finished carrying the tray towards the bed. "I know," she whispered softly. "But I can't seem to stop... hoping."

_"Ne pas ouvrir la boite de Pandore."_

"I'm not sure my translator understood that, Commander. Who's Pandora and what was in her box?" Her forehead creased with a slight frown.

Ella blinked, slightly surprised to realize she'd spoken aloud. "Oh. Sorry. Old story, my mother used to tell me. Well, old for humans. Not really relevant, just... you can't put hope back in the box once it's out, now can you? You have to try and set it free, instead."

"I don't think I... understand?"

"Yeah." Ella finally grabbed a piece of fruit for herself, chewing as she tried to figure out something else to say. _I hate talking. Fighting. Fucking. Much better at those than this._ "I don't know how to help you let it go. Can you put it aside though, tomorrow morning? Both the Commanders will want to keep an eye on things, considering."

"Considering how poorly I performed last time?" Liara's words were soft, so soft, and achingly bitter.

"Considering you just watched your mother die, and we're asking you to do something that wouldn't be SOP even if you were a melding expert." Ella snapped. "Grief does not excuse self-pity. I need you focused, or I'm not letting you in my head. Last time wasn't your fault, truly Liara, but no one wants a repeat. Do you need time?"

"I don't think that's really an option, Commander. We can't just... leave that there."

"Not for long, no. But we can give you a few days, if you need them."

"No." Liara shook her head. The movement was slow, but not unsure. "I'll be fine. I just... need a little quiet. If you'll excuse me." And she slipped away, a blue ghost disappearing silently from the room.

 _But_ I _don't need a little quiet._ Ella took another bite, barely resisting the urge to pout. She could hear herself chewing. Loudly, it seemed, in the empty, sterile room. _I hate bed rest._

She'd made it about halfway through her tray, trying not to think too much about chewing, _because that is just sad and pathetic_ , when the gentle slide of the door caused her to look up. "Knock, knock?" A familiar face smirked at her around the frame, leaning sideways and braced on one of his crutches.

"Come on in, Moreau." Ella tilted her head towards Chakwas' chair. "What are you doing here?"

"Rest is dull." _Jinx._ Joker's shoulders shifted as he arranged his crutches and made his way over towards the far side of the bed. "Thought you'd want a distraction."

"Ah, you've got me all figured out, don't you?"

"Well, that one's pretty easy. No one likes med-bay." He shook his head as he carefully sat down, slow and practiced and smooth, crutches propped on the wall beside him. "Never understood how the Doc stands it."

"She's just a different breed of crazy?" Ella offered.

"Ha. Funny."

"I knew I had a spectacular sense of humor." Ella grinned, and took another bite of her pseudo-chicken-breast-thing.

"Or I'm just humoring you." Joker leaned back in his chair, slowly flexing his feet to stretch out his legs. "Don't want the broke dick feeling too sad and pathetic while she heals up."

Ella almost choked. Laughing and eating was a bad combination.

"Chew. Swallow. Then talk. What are you, five?"

As she still had food in her mouth, Ella just aimed a middle finger at him.

"Anytime, Shepard. Told you that already."

She blinked at him until she managed to swallow, and the usual _fuck you_ to go along with the hand gesture finally connected in her brain. "Wasn't an invitation, jack-ass. What are you, seventeen?"

Rolled eyes signified how unimpressed he was by her come-back "Of course. You have met men off-duty before, haven't you?"

"You're not really off duty. Lieutenant." Ella nodded at his utilities.

"I'm special." His eyes narrowed before she even opened her mouth. "And not padded tables and sing-along-songs at school special, thank you very much."

"Sure about that?" Ella said.

"Hell, yes. I'm brilliant. All those normal people are just jealous they can't keep up."

"Except when they, you know, walk?'

"Ow." Joker clapped a hand to his chest. "You have wounded me, Commander. How shall I ever recover?"

"Well. We are in med-bay. Need me to buzz Chakwas?"

"Nah. She might kick me out for disturbing her patient, and then we'd both be bored again." His voice dropped to a low mutter. "Stupid shore-leave."

"Aw, did the CO kick you out of the cockpit? Poor pilot. That's the real reason you're here, isn't it. You're more bored than I am."

"I refuse to answer that question, on the grounds that I will either sound like a sap, or more like an asshole than usual. I lose either way."

"Aw, you're secretly a sweet-heart, aren't you? Cause I can't imagine you'd really mind sounding like an ass again." Somewhere along the line, she'd lost her teasing tone, and her voice trailed off softly. "Thank you."

He just grunted, but then he smiled again, that slow small smile she'd only seen once before, right before Meg called in and they'd headed out for the Peak. "Glad you're doing better."

"Yeah, well," she shrugged, glancing down at her tray and back up again. "Hard head?"

"Well. Yeah. Tell me something I don't know."

"I'm getting really sick of asari in my head?"

"Benezia left a mess, did she?" Joker asked.

"Yeah. And Liara gets to try and clean it up tomorrow." Ella stabbed her fork rather aimlessly at her plate, not quite managing to actually pick up any more food.

"Ew." Joker shuddered elaborately. "Hate the idea of anyone poking around in my head, I must admit. Only thing I've got at the end of the day, right?"

"Yeah," Ella sighed. "Unless Saren and his ship get you." She suppressed a shudder of her own. The echoes of Benezia's desperation when she realized how trapped she'd been were almost enough to make Ella's dinner come surging back up again. "Feels worse than dying."

"Why does that sound less hyperbolic than usual?"

 _Cause I got a second-hand view of both and thus it wasn't actually me exaggerating for once?_ "Oooh, fancy word," Ella tried to joke. She gathered she was less successful than usual by the frown aimed in her general direction.

"Shepard."

"Moreau?"

"You know, you're the only one who calls me that, outside of official documentation and ass-chewings."

"I'm the only, what?" She blinked at the sudden change of subject. "It is your name, isn't it?"

"So? Anyone ever call you Eleanora?"

"Not since Matthews on Elysium." Ella blinked again. "And that was about a decade ago, thank you very much. Now I feel old."

"Glad to help. My pleasure. Blah blah blah." Joker waved a hand in the air as Ella rolled her eyes. "You never answered my question."

"And I'm not going to." _Benezia, silent screams, claws in her brain, destroying herself to bring out the last few thoughts she could call her own, sure it wouldn't help, unable to resist the chance to try..._ "We have to stop him. What Saren is doing to his allies is worse than anything I'd do to an enemy."

"Well yeah. You just shoot 'em. You're classy like that."

"Classy?" Ella raised her eyebrows. "That's not something that gets thrown my way too often."

"Anyone who can appreciate my sense of humor is automatically classy."

"Ah. So. You're all alone in the universe, then? With occasional visits from Alenko and yours truly?"

"Pretty much." He grinned, undaunted as usual. "I think I make Chakwas giggle too, she just hides it until I leave the room."

"Ah, an exclusive club, then, just the four of us. Have to learn to play bridge to pass the time, I guess."

"Nah. Carousel's better."

"That's just for two. And I bet you only like it 'cause there's one wild Joker."

"You know how to play carousel?" Joker reached into a cargo pocket and pulled out a very worn deck of cards. "Get that plate out of the way. Bet I'll win."

"Doubt it. Robert always lost." Ella obligingly moved the tray from the mess onto her side-table.

"Oooh, _Ro-behr._ Frenchy. Keep it up." The cards were soft, the sound of them rubbing together and hitting the table barely audible as Joker started shuffling.

" _Le chat est sur la chaise?_ " She tilted her head as she tried out the first thing that came to mind.

"There are no cats on the _Normandy_ , Shepard. But nice try."

" _Le singe est sur la chaise?_ " Ella grinned. _This is fun._

"I am not a monkey. If I was, would I offer to play cards with you so you don't go stir-crazy? I don't think so."

" _Qu'est-ce que je ferais sans toi?_ " Ella swallowed. That had not sounded like part of the game, not just a joke. _I can't imagine doing this without him._

Joker paused mid-deal, his entire body still for just an instant as his eyes fixed on her face. _"Je ne vous laissant."_ Then he ducked his head, for just a moment, and his fingers started moving again. "Or, I'm not going anywhere until I win, at least."

Ella laughed, carefully focusing her attention on the game. _Just a game._ "Dream on, flyboy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOP = Standard Operating Procedure
> 
>  
> 
> [How to Play Carousel](http://www.pagat.com/rummy/carousel.html#carousel)
> 
>  
> 
> French translations, in order:
> 
> "Do not open Pandora's Box."  
> "The cat is on the chair." (Yes, I stole this from Eddie Izzard.)  
> "The monkey is on the chair." (The monkey may, perhaps, have been inspired by Izzard as well, but there are no branches on spaceships, more's the pity.)  
> "What would I do without you?"  
> "I'm not leaving you."


	45. Interlude: That's What Friends Are For

_Goddess, I'm nervous._

Liara stood awkwardly, three steps back from the door, hands clasped in front of her stomach, slightly too conflicted to move. She wasn't completely sure how she felt about Benezia, any more, but Shepard was presumably going to get a very good view of the mess in her head. Plus, she was probably going to get more than she wanted from Ella again, too. _Why must there always be complications?_

She permitted herself one moment of wistful longing, _alone, on Therum, digging through ruins, a life of precision, accuracy, study. Then geth and krogan show up..._ She let out one last sigh, and firmed up her shoulders. _I can do this_. She glanced back around her room, needlessly checking to make sure it was as neat and organized as possible before she left for the day.

Shifting forward just enough to trigger the sensors, Liara looked through the doorway into a completely empty med-bay.

_Oh._

_Am I late? Or early? Did she change her mind? Did I misunderstand?_

Then, Meghan Shepard walked in. In one slender-fingered hand, she carried a steaming mug of coffee, in the other she held a datapad, reading as she walked. Liara felt her mouth go dry. Meghan hadn't put her hair up in its usual professional bun and it hung nearly to her waist, curling damply over her shoulders. Even distracted by her reading, she stepped carefully around chairs to set her cup down on Dr. Chakwas' desk before sitting backwards with her legs straddling the seat, and her pad propped against the back. _How is she so aware of everything? I can't even walk straight!_

"Can I talk to you?" Liara tried not to wince at how tentative she sounded. _Like a child, not a grown woman. What is_ wrong _with me?_

"Sure, Doc." Meg put down her datapad, straightening up to meet Liara's eyes. "Any time. What's on your mind?"

"That last meld," Liara slowly settled into another chair, eyes aimed down at the desk. "You -"

"Found out how you felt about me?" Meghan's eyebrows rose up her face, an odd twist crossing her expression. _Embarrassment? Regret? Something else I don't understand?_ "I - kind of already knew."

"Oh, goddess! Have I been that obvious?" Her hands lifted to cover her face, and Liara could feel the heat blossoming in the breath of dimness as she hid behind her fingers.

"Now, wait a minute." Strong fingers gently tugged, until Liara dropped her hands again, forced to look into the eyes leaning forward to catch her now free gaze. "There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"But you don't..."

"You're right, I don't." Meghan's strong cool voice interrupted before Liara had to listen to herself stutter again. "But that doesn't mean you should feel ashamed of it." Her touch was gentle as she folded Liara's hands together, covering them softly with her own pale fingers. "You know what I've been through, Liara. You've felt it. I'm not capable of doing that again. Not right now."

"You also don't find me attractive."

"Well, no." Even the shift of her shoulders as she shrugged was graceful. "But that's not to say I couldn't, eventually. The outer package isn't that important. You have a wonderful mind, Liara. And some day, you'll find someone who loves you and doesn't have the baggage I have."

"I don't mind baggage!" _What, does she think me so shallow? That I'm such a coward, I couldn't accept all of her?_

"You say that now." Meghan chuckled, but her eyes were shadowed. _Or is she the one who doesn't accept her own baggage?_ "Wait until I've trashed your quarters with a Biotic kick because I was having a nightmare about a Thresher Maw eating me, or one of my friends."

"You did that?" Liara kept her voice quiet. It wouldn't bother her, but it obviously still did Meghan, and she was surprised to hear the woman admit it had happened out loud.

"Cost that guy his hefty security deposit. Broke his legs. I don't sleep in unfamiliar places any more."

"I can see why." _And I would always be unfamiliar, I guess._ Silence settled, briefly. Not awkward, but... _waiting?_

"Look, Liara," Meghan started up again just as Liara opened her mouth, "Shepard, I - "

Meghan coughed out a slight laugh as they both stopped again, voices tangled in the small room. "Go ahead, Doc."

"I just want you to know, this isn't some... crush." Liara kept her chin up this time, her gaze steady. _I'm not afraid of you, Meghan Shepard, or your past._

"I know." Meghan's face softened for a moment. Almost smiled. But not quite. "But I'm not in a place where I can remotely reciprocate right now. And you remind me of someone I used to know."

"Oh?" Liara couldn't help the sudden upswelling of hope, despite her own intentions and the Flight Commander's presumably good, if slightly confusing, advice from the night before.

"A boy. Much younger than me. He wanted a protector. And so I protected him in exchange for errands and whatever he could scrounge. I fed him and watched over him like a big sister."

 _A child. I'm four times their age, and they all see me like a child._ "A sister." Liara swallowed, possessed of the sudden urge to throw a tantrum like a teenager. An asari teenager, even, not a human one. _But then I'd prove them right, prove I do need looking after._ "Shepard, I'm 106 years old. I'm a bit old to be your younger sister."

"I suppose you are." Her soft chuckle actually sounded amused, this time, rather than dry. "And you're not a boy, I know. You're a grown... asari."

"You were going to say 'woman.'" Liara shifted, slightly, unsure if she should bring up one of the flashes that had jumped through the meld or not. "But you've been with women."

"A. I've been with _a_ woman." Shepard was suddenly very still in her chair, for just an instant, before that graceful shrug loosened her shoulders again. "I was also very young. And hadn't recovered from my father. I couldn't deal with men. Not like that. So yes... _a_ woman comforted me and helped me heal. And then, promptly stabbed me in the back. You know more about me than anyone other than Ella and Alexis, Liara. Surely you know why I'm saying these things?"

"What was it, Ella said... 'You have to try and set it free'? Something about The Box of Pandora, and hope."

"Pandora's Box. She switch to french on you?" An actual smile crossed Meghan's face. "She does that sometimes."

Liara smiled softly back. "She confused my translator program, for a moment."

"Sounds like Ella, screwing up tech even when she's not trying. Look, Liara... I - I'm flattered. And you know me well enough to know that's true. But... I can't. I value your friendship. I want to be your friend. Just … friends."

"A... friend. I can..." Liara took a breath, nodded sharply enough she felt it all the way down her spine. _No more stammering._ "Yes. I can do that. Just stay safe."

"I'm not going anywhere, Liara. You'll be stuck with my friendship for at least another hundred years." Her cocky smile returned, the one that always made it seem like she was flirting. _Though obviously not really._ "And you'll still be young and beautiful."

"Thank you. And I'd better be." Liara tried a smile of her own, though she couldn't quite manage a wink. "Is the acting-Captain coming with the Flight Commander, then?"

"Yeah, they'll be along shortly. I'm just early since I'm reading these investigation summaries and I didn't really want to have to get up in the middle."

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you." Liara put her hands flat on the desk between them, starting to push herself up to her feet.

"That's all right." The blonde waved her back down again. "I need someone to bounce a theory off anyway."

"Me? Not Garrus or Ashley?"

"You know as much as they do, at this point. Besides, you're here." Yet another shrug, though this one was different. Shorter. _Amused?_ "Kahoku just sent us word that he's found a Cerberus base. We keep running into this shady organization that seems to have its fingers in every pot we blow the hell up. Husks, creepers. Thank god we didn't find any trace of them on Noveria. Can you imagine what they'd do with rachni?"

"Could it be the Shadow Broker?" Liara tilted her head slightly, trying to consider all possibilities. Playing with fragments of data was a familiar enough past-time, even if she was used to them being historical rather than current.

"Unfortunately, I don't think so. Not covert enough. Whoever it is, almost seems to not give a shit if he's found." She frowned down at the datapad, almost seeming to be talking to herself more than Liara. "And with Kahoku's men, and that missing Doctor Baines, they seem to have, or have _had,_ ties to the Alliance." She shook herself, slightly, raising her head with a hint of her usual wry smile. " But every time I try to pin this thing down, it grows another head."

"May I?" Liara held out a hand for the datapad, set it up to run a cross-check through all files, downloading the program from her 'tool out of habit, letting it work while she skimmed the overview Shepard had been reading. "You're right, some of these do look like Alliance protocols."

"You recognize the Alliance?"

"Well, I did try and request access to your Mars ruins for study," Liara admitted, though she didn't look up from her reading. "I was politely rebuffed, of course."

Meghan chuckled again, keeping quiet after that while Liara studied the files.

"Oh, no."

"What?" Shepard leaned across the desk, green eyes narrowed.

"They were on Noveria."

"What?" Meghan repeated, leaning further forward to look at the 'pad's display, apparently attempting to read it upside down.

Liara shifted to the side, tilted the datapad so it would be visible to both of them. "See this? One of the messages Kahoku intercepted matches the tracking data from a file Garrus pulled from BH." She tapped the screen, highlighting the relevant files. "They had live specimens shipped out."

She turned her head, eyes wide, Meghan's gaze equally shocked as they both realized what 'live specimens' Binary Helix had been using.

"Who shipped what, where?" They both shifted in their seats to look up at Ella Shepard, who was just inside the med-bay doors, Alexis a step behind her.

"Kahoku's shadow organization shipped Rachni off Noveria." Meghan's voice was grim, though her expression had softened a little as she'd looked up at her friends. Liara tried to ignore the twinge of jealousy her stomach had attempted to interject into her mind. _I'm better than that. Friends. I can be her friend._

"They did _what?_ " Alexis Shepard's voice snapped out.

"Something incredibly stupid." Meghan slid the datapad out of Liara's grasp, passing it to the other commanders. "They shipped Rachni out. 'Live Samples'. No clue where." She aimed a questioning look at Liara. "Yet, anyways."

"Because we needed another challenge." Ella frowned, her dark eyes rolling at the ceiling as her lips silently mouthed the Shepards' familiar if nonsensical refrain. _Murphy hates us._

Meghan snorted in apparent amusement. "Yeah, like you wanted to die of old age in bed surrounded by fat grandchildren."

"The thought had occurred to me." The slightest of sighs escaped their CO's lips. "All right, Ella, please have Joker listen in on comms traffic and have Tali run a subroutine that listens for any key words in transmissions that has anything to do with those creatures."

"Words like "Panic," "death," "destruction," "Giant fucking bugs," should cover it." Meghan interjected, scrubbing her face with her hands in frustration.

"Acid vomit? Toxic exploding critters?" Ella snorted. "We'll see what else we can come up with."

"Oh god, oh god, we're all gonna die?" Joker's voice suddenly crackled through the room. _Goddess, he was listening? How long has he been listening? The entire time, or just since the Flight Commander arrived?_

"I think that would be under, 'Mass hysteria.'" Meghan laughed up at the ceiling, glancing at the comm speakers.

"I also think the pilot's going to get grounded again if he keeps eavesdropping in private sections of the ship, like, oh, the med-bay." The flight commander glared at the same speaker.

"Hey, I was talking to you in the hallway a minute ago, just following the conversation. Spoilsport." Joker, as usual, didn't seem to care in the slightest what anyone else thought.

"And I might make the marine commander be responsible for Julia for the rest of the flight if she keeps encouraging the flight lieutenant," Ella continued, glaring at Meghan as she snickered.

"That's your funeral, not mine. But fine, point taken." She coughed once into her hand before settling back in her chair. "So, what do you need from us, Liara, to get going?"

"Um." She paused, feeling the hum of the commanders' biotics, shivering through her senses, signifying the stress the they were successfully hiding from their faces and voices. She was pretty sure she felt Lieutenant Alenko and Wrex out in the mess hall as well. _Everyone's nervous. For the flight commander, or about me? Or both?_ "Quiet?"

Meghan did an odd twisting motion with her fingers in front of her lips, then dropped her hand back to the desk. "Unless you want us to stand outside the door?"

"Splendid idea!" Ella settled down on the edge of an open cot, hands waving the other commanders towards the doorway. "Go away. Send Alenko and Chakwas in. They're better at calm."

Alexis nodded briskly and turned on her heel, while Meghan shot them a wink as she stood up. "All right. You two behave in here."

Liara glanced back down at her hands, trying not to flush yet again. She knew Meghan didn't mean anything by it, and never had, but it still seemed so... suggestive. Ella snorted, and Liara looked up to see her rolling her eyes again. "That woman can never turn off the charming, even when she ought to know better. Idiot."

"The marine commander is very smart!"

"She's fucking brilliant," the woman on the bed snorted again. "Doesn't make her any less of an idiot."

Liara opened her mouth to contradict the paradox of that statement, but the door slid open yet again before she could figure out what to say.

"Did you rest well, Commander?" Doctor Chakwas practically teleported to Shepard's side, Lieutenant Alenko stopping just far enough past the entrance for the door to close behind him. He turned and triggered the lock, as Doctor Chakwas lifted Ella's face from under her chin to look into her eyes.

"Yes, Mom," Ella grinned. "No nightmares, took all your heavy drugs, slept a good ten hours, itching and raring to go now. Happy?"

"Extremely." Chakwas nodded, her voice dry, but her eyes smiling back. "I'll just get out of your way then." She glanced over at Liara. "Can you do this with both of you lying down, this time, just in case?"

"That... shouldn't be a problem." Liara nodded slowly. "Just move the beds next to each other? Physical contact makes it easier."

Lieutenant Alenko made a soft grunt in agreement, then moved to adjust the other cot. "Ready when you are, Doctor T'Soni."

"What if I'm not ready?" Ella snorted as they all turned to look at her. "I'm not saying I'm not. Just. Hey. My brain here. Stealing my thunder, Lieutenant."

"Sorry, ma'am." Alenko chuckled softly. "I'm sure your hard head is ready for anything."

"Oh, well, if _you're sure,_ " Ella snickered herself. "Guess I'll have to take your word for it."

Liara suppressed the urge to frown. Asari tricks sometimes had odd side-effects in other species' brains, it was no time to be _flippant..._ and then she realized that the hum of their biotics had faded, nerves eased by the exchange.

_I will never understand the human sense of humor._

Finally there was no more putting it off, beds cranked up so they were both only partially reclined, hands clasped across the space between.

Liara took one deep breath, and turned to look into Shepard's dark brown eyes, feeling herself fall as her own eyes stopped seeing outside and her entire body started searching inside.

 _She was following tunnels, large and cold and still, light scrapes in the background,_ rachni legs _but then they were smaller and darker, stone reddish instead of blue, damp and dank instead of the clean cold of snow._

_The memory was oddly still, a moment of waiting, leaning against the stone, but Liara could feel her own hands shaking from the dark echoes roiling through the link, heartbeat heavy and violent, blood and sweat and musk filling their nose even through the armor's filters, the sound of their own breathing heavy inside their helmet._

Not our helmet. The Butcher's helmet.

_Dark sorrow. Angry regret._

Ella didn't want to share this. Liara didn't want to see it. But she could feel her mother's message pulling her. _Just a little further..._

 _There was a man. Woman? Someone. Sprawled at their. Her. Sprawled at her feet. Begging._ No, please, you don't have to, I give you my word, you can trust me...

_No room for trust. All dead._

_Prisoners rebelling behind the lines. No more guards. No more troops. No more back-up._

_The pressure of an explosion, shields and armor blocking the heat. Heavy echoes of a shotgun blast ringing in her ears. Grenades. Guns. Combat knives. Sonic triggers. Cave-ins. Radio signals going silent, one after another._

_Flashes of bright light, crying, fighting, hitting, shooting, images too fast, she couldn't keep track, one heavy hand knocking a small child in the side of the head, keeping him down. Screams, people fighting, voices turning liquid and thick as they choke on their own blood._

_So much blood._

_And then there's more, such a dark red it seems black, darker than human but almost the same, so close, so very close, as she places her pistol against the back of the sobbing head pressed to the rocky tunnel floor and pulls the trigger._

_No more crying._

_No more begging._

_Always more dying._

_Always more killing._

Nothing else works.

 _She turns away, continues down the tunnels, everything aches, everything burns, joints and muscles and eyes and blood and finally, there it is, the package, the message, smelling of Thessia and home,_ not batarian _, and Liara grasps it, sobbing, and everything fades to black._

She rolled over on the cot, _away, away, have to get away,_ stomach heaving, and her breakfast splattered in the bucket Alenko somehow managed to slide next to her cot, rather than all over the floor. She stayed leaning sideways, stomach trembling, until he gently passed her a damp wipe, then a disposable cup of water to rinse her mouth.

"Well, fuck." She heard Ella's voice from other bed. "Sorry."

Liara rolled back over and stared at the ceiling, feeling her mother's voice settling softly inside her brain. _Not quite audible, not yet._ She couldn't quite face the Flight Commander, but neither could she banish the images from her mind, the anger that had burned through the link.

"Did you really see a slaver rip a boy's throat out with his teeth?"

She heard a soft grunt, _surprise? dismay?_ from Alenko. She could just see Chakwas sitting at her desk from the corner of her eye, could just tell the older woman had gone completely still.

"Not on Torfan, but..." Ella's voice was rough; she paused to cough. "Yeah. Another batarian shot him. His own team, killed him for us. Tried to figure it out later, never could. Never knew if he went too far, even for them, or they were just annoyed he was damaging the _product._ "

Liara swallowed past the burn in her throat. _Product._

"But, hell, not the point today, huh?" Liara turned her head to see Ella shoving herself into an awkward sitting position. "Don't feel scratchy things in my head anymore. You get it?"

"I, uh," Liara pushed herself up as well. _Little Wing. For you._ "Yes. I got it."

"Wow." Ella rubbed her face with both hands. "Something kind-of worked for once. Nice."

"It'll take some... time." She felt the three humans looking at her, barely resisted the urge to shrug and stutter under their regard. "To... unwrap?" She aimed a shaky smile at Ella, borrowing Shepard's analogy from earlier.

Ella's eyes widened, as if startled to find Liara looking at her, then shrugged, then almost smiled, her expression oddly fragile. "That's... alright... then?"

"Yes." Liara nodded slowly. "I think it will be."


	46. Cry "Havoc!"

“Charlie, all clear.” Meghan Shepard crouched down, taking her helmet off, trying not to inhale the stench of death and the burnt metal of a blaster fired in too-close spaces. She yanked her glove off and, with shaking fingers, felt for a pulse on the corpse’s neck. That’s all it was. A corpse. _Don’t look at the face. Don’t look at the fucking_ face. 

Too late.

_“All rise! We assemble here today to decide the active duty fitness of one Staff Lieutenant Meghan Hope Shepard.” She stood there in that gleaming white courtroom, her class “A’s” constricting her neck, the buttons polished until they gleamed. Kahoku presided as the third judge during her hearing. She tried not to sweat as her fate rested in his, Hackett’s, and Mikhailovich’s hands. Hackett and Kahoku were unknown quantities at her hearing. But the hatred in Mikhailovich’s craggy face had been apparent from the beginning._

_“Staff Lieutenant,” Mikhailovich began, two vivid spots of color prominent on his cheeks, “it is our determination that despite leaving the field of battle where your unit was outnumbered and dying,” his tone, biting off every consonant and clipping each syllable, made clear what he thought of her leaving, “you acquitted yourself to the best of your ability as an officer in the Alliance and you will be able to remain at your current rank.” He sat back down, looking as if he’d just thrown up in his mouth a little._

_Meghan swallowed, her heartbeat slowing slightly. She’d been certain that the only life left to her, the Alliance, was going to be stripped from her along with Hicks and their future together. Hackett stood up. “Some of us would like to recommend you for a medal, Lieutenant, for your heroism in attempting to circle the field and try to assist your soldiers from the air. However, the flight recorder from the shuttle was too badly damaged and it’s been pointed out that there is no definitive proof that you weren’t attempting to merely flee.” She frowned, but quickly smoothed her features back to neutral. It had never even occurred to her that anything she’d done was remotely medal-worthy. But, the idea that she’d have used the shuttle to flee instead of trying to help? Her stomach turned._

_Hackett sat back down. Kahoku stood up, his neutral expression was faltering into something that might just be a smile. She couldn’t figure out why he looked so happy. “Because of that act, and the act of surviving such odds against you, it’s been decided, Lieutenant, that you’ll go directly from this hearing to the N school training academy. As soon as the doctors clear you, of course.” Knowing Ella and Lex had already been selected, Meghan’s pulse sped up in joy, this time, not dread. She fought to keep the answering grin off her face as she met Kahoku’s eyes._

Meghan resisted the urge to walk over and shoot one of the Cerberus soldier’s corpses until her shotgun overheated. The trail of breadcrumbs Cerberus left them ended here. A dead end. _Did they know we were coming? Not like we made any secret we were headed here, I guess._

“How, exactly, did we get here again?” Vakarian asked. “I feel like we were maneuvered.”

Meghan blinked, brought out of her bad memories. “What do you mean?”

Liara kicked at one of the rachni corpses. “Well… we were on Nepmos. We got our first clue there.”

“Right, but so far, this group has been careful not to leave clues, right?” Vakarian pointed out.

“Just that weird symbol everywhere.” Meghan shrugged, not quite following the cop’s train of thought.

Liara gave her a wide-eyed look. Meghan wasn’t sure if it meant she felt sorry for her, or just in awe of her commander’s thick-headedness. Truthfully, Meghan didn’t really feel like thinking a lot at the moment. Shooting more mercs was preferable. Thinking led to remembering, which led to feeling. And that was something to be avoided right now. _God, I need a drink. No! No booze! Thirst clawed at the back of her throat._ “The cargo ship, Shepard. The one the Flight Commander investigated. Nepmos pointed directly there.”

Vakarian nodded in agreement, Shepard swallowed, trying to focus. “There was a flashing sign pointing right at it, Shepard, you have to admit. Every clue since Nepmos we’ve run into led us here to this planet. But why? After doing their best to hide every trace of themselves, why leave us a trail now?” Vakarian still sounded puzzled. 

Still feeling like the fatigue of the last nine months simply hit her all at once, Meghan looked around, felt herself nodding, even though she wasn't sure if she agreed or not. There were enough bodies she didn't want to count them, didn't want to think about the others, from Edolus through Chasca and Nodacrux all the way to Depot Sigma-23. And now here. She wasn't ready to look down at the final body by her feet. "Not sure we share the same definition of easy, Vakarian." Something tightened across his face as his gaze shifted. She shrugged before he could say anything else. "It does stink, and none of it makes sense, but now is not the time for speculation. We have work to do." She nodded towards the computers. Based on previous experience, the window before the deletion protocols took effect wasn't a very long one.

Meghan took off her gloves and rubbed her eyes as her team got to work fighting to pull data from the facility's tech. She couldn’t put this off any longer. She had to examine him. She turned Kahoku over on his back. The admiral stared sightlessly up at the ceiling. Her fingers shaking, she reached up and gently lowered his lids. She bowed her head. Toombs had made her angry. White-hot, fiercely angry. Kahoku on top of Toombs, not to mention Akuze itself, well... a block of ice felt like it was forming in the pit of her stomach. It was never good when she went cold. Never. But she couldn’t seem to bring herself to do anything else. She clenched her fists and tongued her comms on. “Alpha, Bravo, this is Charlie. We have Kahoku. Over.”

“Charlie, this is Alpha.” Ashley’s voice. Lex and Alenko must be busy. “What’s his status, Over?”

“Deceased.”

“Say again?” 

“Deceased. Though it doesn’t look like he was part of their sick experiments.” She cleared her throat. _So thirsty._ “He was executed. Puncture mark at the base of his neck. Probably some kind of toxin injected directly into his brain stem. Chakwas can probably tell us more when we get him aboard.” Before the voice at the other end could say anything else, she continued, her own voice sounding lifeless to her ears. “We’re downloading the contents of the computers now. Liara and Vakarian are combing through the data.”

“Son of a bitch!” Vakarian’s soft curse interrupted her report. Apparently he’d been spending enough time with humans to begin to pick up a few colloquialisms.

“Uh, we’ll let you know what we find. Charlie, out.”

“Roger, Alpha out.”

Shepard stood up and walked over to the turian to look over his shoulder. “What now, Vakarian?”

“I remember where I saw that damned logo. It’s all over half the Citadel!” He’d removed his gloves and his fingers flew over the haptic interface. It looked like a shipping manifest. “Now it really doesn’t make sense.”

“Really?” Liara asked, leaning over his other side to take a look. “You’re right. That makes even less sense.”

Shepard couldn’t see much, his hand was obscuring half the screen. So, she leaned against the wall and watched the two aliens’ faces. Liara’s eyes widened, “You’re right! That’s where I’ve seen that symbol before! I just didn’t make the connection!”

“You two want to fill me in?”

Vakarian glanced up at Shepard, his cheekplates flaring slightly. “Cord-Hislop.”

“The aerospace company?” Shepard stared from one to the other of them. “Why would a star-ship manufacturer experiment on rachni and Thorian Creepers? And why would we suddenly find a smoking gun _here_ of all places?” 

“I have no idea.” Liara put her hand to her forehead, running her fingers along her tentacles in frustration. 

“Me, either.” Vakarian shrugged. “Only thing I can think of is that this Cerberus group is using Cord-Hislop as a front. They’re trying to make them take the blame for this.” 

Shepard rolled her eyes. “Lovely. You two have everything you’re going to get?”

Liara nodded. “The harddrives are wiped, now, Meghan. I’m afraid the deletion protocols managed to erase the rest of the data.”

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose. “So, Cord-Hislop is funding terrorists or is a terrorist front. Not that we can bring them in with the information we have. We have what... one manifest and a logo and a lot of circumstantial evidence?”

Vakarian nodded. “That’s pretty much it. You had better evidence on Saren before Tali showed up.”

Meghan groaned. “Don’t remind me. It’s going to be a long debriefing.”

“Shepard, there is something else you need to see. Or, well... hear.” Liara stepped around Vakarian and flared open her omni-tool. “I found a log.”

“Well, don’t keep us in suspense, Liara.” Meghan leaned back on one leg and crossed her arms, grateful for any distraction from thinking about the dead admiral. _Who’s going to tell his family?_

Liara shook her head, frowning in concentration. She pressed a few buttons on her ‘tool’s haptic display and the fuzz of static preceded a man’s voice. “Personal log, Dr. Ravi Chandana: Day 61:32. I believe the conditions to implement Lazarus are now ideal. The amount of data we have comprised from experiments 425 through 500 have definitively made the theoretical project possible, in my professional opinion. Acquiring test subjects is the next logical step. It is the only way to make any of these atrocities we’ve inflicted mean anything.”

Meghan felt her eyebrows climb into her hairline. “They’re going to _use_ this data? What kind of sick fucks are we dealing with?”

Vakarian shrugged. “Didn’t Kahoku say they're part of the Alliance?”

The commander nodded. “They were. But they’re quite obviously completely rogue. The Alliance has done some awful shit in the name of galactic security, but this... this is above and beyond. Alexis is going to have kittens.” Both aliens frowned at her. She wondered how that had come across on their translators. “Nevermind. It’s a saying. Let’s wrap up Kahoku and get back to the Normandy. He deserves a proper funeral.” She radioed the _Normandy_ for pickup, letting Joker know she needed a body bag.

“What, we’re taking home samples now, Shepard?”

“Don’t start with me, Joker. Now’s not a good time.” She wasn’t in the mood for Ella’s pilot’s humor.

“Shit. The admiral?”

“Yeah. You catch on quick.”

“Fuck. Sorry, ma’am. Body bag’s on it’s way.”

During the very short, very terse debriefing back on the ship, Meghan watched Lex get more and more tense as all three teams reported their still inconclusive findings. Though the Cord-Hislop logo answered a question or three... it didn’t do so to anyone’s satisfaction, especially not Alexis’. Of course, the slight tightening of her lips were something only she or Ella would notice. Alexis had a hell of a poker face. “Joker, please get us to the Citadel. ASAP.” 

“Roger that.” Even his voice was subdued.

When everyone had left the comm room, Meghan approached Lex, “I can make that report, Lex, if you’d like.”

Without looking up, her eyes on her datapad, Lex asked, “What report?”

“The one about Kahoku.” It was a little difficult to say the name, surprisingly. 

The commander looked up at that, her blue eyes wide, “Are you alright?”

Mehgan shrugged. “He was there for me in a tight spot, Lex. I’d like to do right by him. And I know you’re overworked.”

Alexis looked at her long enough that Meghan tried not to squirm. “Usually, I’d tell you no, it wouldn’t be necessary. But you’re right. This I can delegate. You write the report. Just be warned, Anderson might want you to say something to his family.” The Marine OIC nodded, her stomach a pit, but feeling like the deck just got a little more solid under her feet than it had been in a while. _The urge to drink was still there, though. But it was easing. A little._

She spent most of her time in transit in the cargo hold, attempting to work out some of her anger on the workout equipment and working on the report. 

_The admiral was found…_  
The admiral was located….  
Three teams were dispatched to investigate…

The anger didn’t really abate and the report didn’t get any easier to write. She kept reminding herself that revenge wouldn’t bring Kahoku back. Wouldn’t bring Toombs back. 

Whatever this shadowy organization was, hopefully their actions had broken it, once and for all. Anderson wouldn’t like it if she took off on a personal vendetta, especially when she’d vowed to never do that. When the three of them had graduated N school, he’d given them presents. She didn’t remember what Ella and Alexis had gotten, not any more, but she still had what he’d given her. A hardcopy of Shakespeare’s plays. And on the fly leaf, on the inside, he’d quoted _Julius Ceasar._

_Remember Meghan, to “‘Cry “Havoc!” And let slip the dogs of war?’_

_"You telling me to go after a bunch of mindless spaceworms?” She’d asked, looking at it. He’d taken the book from her, his bigger hands covering hers, closing the bindings._

_“You’re the poetry fanatic. What does it really mean? Not the popular idea of what it meant.” She rolled her eyes and looked over at the rest of her small class, all in their Class A’s, laughing, having a good time. She focused on Alexis standing apart, trying to put on a brave face. Ella looking over at the two of them, a frown knitting her dark brows. The Shepards, united in being different from the rest._

_“It means that revenge isn’t an answer.” Meghan shrugged. “Not like I can avenge them against a bunch of mutant worms, though, Sir.”_

_His kind brown eyes crinkled at the corners. “Doesn’t mean the urge won’t be there. I know what got you sent to the Alliance, Meghan”_

_“A crooked cop shooting an unarmed kid isn’t the same as a mindless monster, Sir,” she stared up at him, startled he would even think of this._

_“Just remember that, Meghan.” He reached out to the brand-new blood-red stripe on her uniform. “You did good, kid.”_

And now, she had more than mutant spaceworms to hang the deaths of her unit on. To blame for Hicks, for their friends, for Toombs and Kahoku. For the baby. _Fuck. And it wouldn’t do any good to go after Cerberus now. Saren is more important. Hopefully, we dismantled the whole thing with what we found. If we didn’t…. Shit._ She headed down to the cargo bay. She needed to hit something. Dogs of war, indeed.

Wearing a regulation sports bra and shorts, she was showing a punching bag who the boss was when she heard Ashley’s voice, “Hey, Shep. What’d that thing ever do to you?”

Meghan grabbed the bag to stop its swinging and turned to face the chief, who leaned against the bulkhead, arms crossed over her chest. Meghan shoved sweat out of her eyes. “It’s just hanging there, useless.” She’d meant it as a joke, but it didn’t really sound like one. 

The chief leaned on one of the struts. “Well, I think it learned its lesson.”

Meghan unwrapped her hands, her movements fast and uneven, sweat making the wrapping slick in her hands. She had to restart a few times.. “Why the fuck are we out here, Chief, if we can’t keep shit like this from going down?”

The younger woman shrugged. “Because it still needs to be done and we’re here?”

Snorting, Meghan picked up her water bottle. “So, fate?”

Ashley shrugged, “Sure, if you want to call it that.”

She paused mid-sip and glared at the younger woman. “You tell me it’s God’s plan, I’m going back to punching the crap out of that bag, Ash.” 

Ashley held up her hands and laughing said, “Okay, okay. I won’t. Let me buy you lunch at least.”

Meghan grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head. “Fine. We should be docking at the Citadel soon anyway.” 

Ashley stood up straight. “I was actually coming to get you for that. The commander wants you to suit up. We’re already there.”

Meghan pulled her ponytail out of her shirt’s neckline. “Wonderful, we bringing the whole gang, or is this just a command performance?”

“She said to tell everyone.” 

“Lovely. Go on, Chief, I’ll meet you at the airlock.” The report was finished. It was just completely unpolished. At least as far as she was concerned. But then, would a dry After Action Report ever do Kahoku any justice whatsoever? She knew Udina was going to try to have their heads for this debacle. Admirals just didn’t die in the field, after all. They died in hospitals surrounded by aides and sycophantic politicians. Trouble was, even if she couldn’t see how it could have gone down differently, she couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt that hung over her. _Akuze all over again. Well, if I have to, I’ll take the blame and fall on my sword. Lex and Ella shouldn’t get saddled with this._

Meeting with Udina was always painful, doubly so when Meghan half expected to lose her commision. _Again._ But, being suited up in full kit with every weapon they could carry to show up to a debrief did make his eyes bug out of his head did take some of the sting out her worry. And sometimes watching Lex struggle to keep her well-trained poker-face while swallowing the need to strangle someone with her bare hands was entertaining. It wasn’t that amusing, however, when Udina actually blamed them for the death of a flag officer, for not rescuing the Admiral in time. Meghan found her herself having to fight the urge to do the same thing, clenching and unclenching her fists and missing the punching bag. 

And then, he got to the fun part.

The ground crew lined the short wall overlooking the Presidium and she and Ella flanked Alexis. Anderson sat with one hip propped on Udina’s desk, his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose. Udina paced and shouted at Lex, gesticulating wildly. “How dare you bring these accusations in here! The Alliance would never condone such activities as experimenting on its own colonists! This is an unfounded smear campaign!”

He stepped closer to the commanders and snarled in their faces, looking from one to the other. “I’ll have your commissions for this!”

Meghan rolled her eyes and almost stepped forward to say what they were all thinking. If anyone was going to get busted, let it be her. Her record had enough dents, one more wouldn’t hurt. But she caught Lex’s eye and swallowed nervously. She reined in her temper. Speaking up right now would mean stepping on Lex’s toes as the CO. So, she held herself still and kept her anger wrapped around her, steadying herself while she stared the diplomat down. 

Lex cleared her throat. “Ambassador, we are obligated to turn this information over to the Council. We brought this to your attention as a courtesy. We didn’t have to tell you that one of the Alliances’ black ops projects had gone entirely rogue. We could have just let the Council slap sanctions on humanity.

“That would be a hell of a footnote in your diplomatic record, Udina.” Meghan stifled a laugh at the commander’s acerbic tone.

He narrowed his eyes at them. “What is this? Blackmail?”

Meghan snorted involuntarily. And when all eyes turned to her she crossed her arms and glared at the politician. “No, you ---.” She bit off the name she was about to call him. Getting reamed over doing her job was one thing, getting it over pettiness was another. “It’s a chance to do your job. Since sanctions against humanity would make our jobs tougher, we want you to bring this to the Council _yourself_.”

Alexis nodded. "Besides, Cerberus' victims were almost exclusively human. As long as we present it to the Council as a case of a rogue organization the Alliance has already disavowed, they'll accept it as an internal matter and file it away as an organization that isn't their problem."

“If there is even an organization left to worry about any more,” Ella muttered. Meghan hoped she was right and that they’d wiped the bastards out. Whatever “Project Lazarus” was, she hoped it was dead in the water. 

“Look, the Commander is right. The Council probably won’t care since it’s humans abusing humans. But the evidence of the money the Alliance gave Cerberus, and the on-going horrific experiments indicate a farther reaching organization than we were originally led to believe.” Meghan glanced down at her hands and looked up. “And then... Kahoku. They killed an Alliance Admiral. You can’t just take that lying down.” 

Udina rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Some of his color receded and he looked at Alexis approvingly. Meghan suppressed a chuckle. Udina’s approval of the “poster girl” only served to annoy the hell out of her friend. “Dismissed, Commanders. Though, I believe Admiral Hackett has a favor to request of you.” _Of course he does,_ Meghan thought. _At least there won’t be time to be tempted by Chora’s Den._


	47. Interlude: Preparation

"The turian was working with Binary Helix." 

Her lips tightened. That was it. No response. 

He didn't reach for his glass. He was angry enough the ice would clink too loudly if he picked it up, and she'd see. She'd know. She always knew when his composure cracked, just as he always saw the hint of anger heating her eyes right before she bowed her head and followed his instructions. 

"Our project, _our funding,_ and his pet asari had no trouble getting on site and taking it for herself." 

She blinked, almost a wince in the slight drop of her chin. 

"And then," he hissed, unable to keep all the venom from his words, "we weren't even the ones to clean up the mess. _They got there first._ " 

"They are the best." Her voice was smooth, the arch of her eyebrows graceful and incomprehensible. "As you well know." 

It took all his will not to bare his teeth at her, at the history hiding in those words, arguments and successes and too damn many failures. 

Even he wasn't sure, anymore, what they felt about each other. Hard to interpret when you never saw each other, never met in person, seldom even risked a direct call. The QEC was unhackable, _so far,_ but it was stupid to risk too much contact, to rely too much on one single piece of tech, and so most of their communications were hidden, discreet, couched in secret language, surrounded by more mundane concerns. 

Despite the risks, after all, he knew he still had to rely on _her._

He missed being close enough to smell her skin. Close enough to see the way the muscles tightened in her face, clues too subtle to catch on a transmission, no matter how high the quality. He knew she wasn't as impassive as she seemed, but he couldn't quite read her eyes. 

"They're one ship." He shifted his cigarette between his fingers, watching the shift of her gaze as she tried to watch his face and his hand at the same time. "If you of all people can't keep track of one ship, I'm going to start wondering what else you're no longer capable of doing." 

_What else you're hiding from me, what else you're not willing to do, because we both know you're more than simply_ capable _._

He allowed himself to savor the heat of satisfaction in his gut as her lips parted, a crack in her control, the slightest hint of teeth behind her lips. 

"The Operative, at least, still does her job." He let himself lean back in his chair, tapped the ash off the end of his cigarette before taking another drag, making her wait as he blew out the smoke, until it faded up towards the ceiling. "She salvaged all the back-ups before _they_ could hunt them down. She'll be arriving soon. Just to compare notes. You were in charge of _Demeter_ , after all. You might have some insights for her?" 

"I am always willing to share my insights." Her nod was gracious, her face smooth, the silver in her hair reflecting the red and blue lights of the QEC as she moved. Her eyes were burning hot. _Oh yes, she still hates me._ "I'll be looking forward to her visit." 

"Of course you will." 

He cut off the connection without another word.


	48. No Such Thing As A Paragon

“Clear!” 

The echoes of that word filled not only the thruster facility, but also the comm. chatter from the other two teams. The synchronized strike worked far better here than it had on the Lunar base, as the Batarians had not had time to scramble and prepare for the assault. _Fucking Batarians. God, I hope Ella is handling this okay._

“Status report.” 

“Bravo team. Base clear. One very fucking dead slaver.” Ella sounded a little vicious, perhaps, but still in control. _That will just have to do._

“Charlie team. Base clear. One survivor. Says there’s a main facility where more hostages might be, and some other missing engineers.” Meghan’s voice was breathless. She’d probably just finished clearing the site. 

_Fuck. More hostages._ “See what either of you can find out about any other missing personnel that might not have been grabbed. We’ll get the Mako and hurry to the main facility before these assholes turn that into a massacre too.” 

Lt. Alenko managed to steer the Mako to the main facility with relative ease. It only required dispatching a few wall mounted turrets, and then Alexis, Liara and Kaidan were able to make their breach. Alexis led the way, assault rifle in hand, and took cover just behind a door. 

Inside, there were several more batarian guards, varren, and even some automated defense drones. _Fuck, no sign of any hostages_. That was going to make this rather tricky, as Alexis did not want to risk an attack and give the batarians a reason to slaughter the hostages if they were still alive. 

"Liara," she started, _sotto voce_ , so that only the suit mic could pick her up. "I want you to take the high path to the right, flank from above, and see if you can get a vantage on any survivors." Liara wasn't the best choice for this kind of recon, but Tali was stuck back at one of the torches with Ella. Of the three of them, the asari had the smallest profile, and if needed, she and Alenko could provide ample distraction if things got rough. 

The asari nodded and crept over to the nearest door, peeking around the edge before finally disappearing. Alexis kept a vigilant eye on what she could while Liara was gone, catching a few words from the batarians as they moved. 

"They've stopped all the torches." 

"It would be stupid to stay. We need to abort and get the hell out of here." 

"Charn still hasn't reported in." 

"They'll be on our location any minute, Balak. We need to get rid of the hostages and leave before it's too late." 

_So, there are some still alive._

"Shepard?" The asari's voice was a whisper in her ear. "I can't get a visual on the hostages, but there's life signatures in one of the rooms. At least five." 

"Roger that. We'll give you a distraction, and you see what you can do." Alexis readied her assault rifle and looked over to Alenko. He gave her a silent nod, and they both ducked down as low as they could and moved into the next room. 

Their vantage was high, allowing them to get up against a railing. And for once, Alexis wished she had trained more with a sniper rifle. It would have been easy and simple to line up a shot and take out some of those bastards before they knew what was hitting them. Of course, nothing was ever that easy. 

One batarian paced in front of the others, same pale ashen skin color as the others, marked with yellow and green strips above his temple, and dark, cold eyes. "We're not leaving yet! You, you, go take guard by the entrance." 

There was grumbling amongst the men he sent off, and they stalked toward the entrance, which was going to take them right into Alexis and Kaidan's path. She motioned to her lieutenant, and she felt the familiar plunge of his biotics pooling together with hers. She readied her own _throw_ , and silently counted to three. 

Batarian bodies flew through the air, and alarmed shouts sounded from further in. Wasting no time, Alexis and Kaidan engaged the other troops as the batarians scattered for cover. The two marines were clearly outnumbered, but the surprise of their presence had given them the advantage. Alexis quickly tossed one grenade into the midst of the drones that had yet to be fully activated and took them out. Kaidan, meanwhile, ragdolled one varren into the rest of its mates, and the animals yelped and began to tear at the carcass, ripping and shredding. 

The batarians finally began to get their bearings, and the marines were forced back into cover, listening as feet rushed toward their position. A wash of energy rolled over them and a _singularity_ field grabbed the approaching assailants as it spun its hypnotic spiral. _Guess they weren't expecting more to this party._ Alexis made a mental note to commend Liara's actions to Meg at the next command staff meeting. 

With Liara's assistance from above, the squad was able to take down the batarian resistance with relative ease. All but one. The one that had been barking orders was yet to make his presence known. _Hopefully he's not gotten away._

"Commander, I think I can get to the hostages from up here." 

Alexis, Alenko at her six, continued to move through the facility, wary. "Do it, but be quick, Liara." 

"Yes, Commander." 

Alexis spied movement in one of the back rooms, and she pointed towards it with the barrel of her rifle for Alenko before walking that way. She stepped carefully to the corner and peered inside, seeing a man and a woman bound and gagged in the center of the room, a terrified look in their eyes. Alexis did not hesitate to take another step into the room, only to have the rifle yanked from her hands. She stumbled back and drew her pistol immediately, aiming at the batarian that turned the rifle on her. Alenko gestured past her, a _warp_ shooting past her and into the goon. 

“Bravo, Commander.” A gravelly voice called out from the shadows in the room. Alexis spun to turn her aim at the voice, only to find that the batarian had grabbed the male prisoner and was using him as a shield, a pistol aimed into the neck. “You’ve managed to thwart my plans.” 

She kept her aim steadied on the batarian. “What? Did you think no one would notice a missing mining asteroid before it slammed into a world?” 

The batarian sneered and shoved the hostage towards the door, sidestepping in such a way as to keep the man between him and the gun. “No one should have noticed until it was too late, human. But your kind is always sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong.” 

“We protect our own. So, why don’t you let the guy go, and let’s put an end to this farce.” 

The batarian laughed. “Oh, yes, I’ll let him go, and then you’ll just let me and the rest of my people go. I don’t think so.” He jammed the pistol into the neck of the man he held, and a muffled grunt could be heard from the gag. “Now, get out of my way. Unless you want to be wearing parts of this cow?” 

Alexis felt her hand tighten around the trigger of her weapon. _God, I’d love to just shoot him between his eyes. But there’s no way to get a shot and not have him react and kill the hostage._ “I’m sure we can find a way without going to extremes.” 

He cocked his head to the side for a moment, all four of his eyes narrowing. “Ah, now I recognize you. All you humans blend together, but I should have known it would be _you_. The cavalry riding in, isn’t it? Hero of your precious Elysium. Supporter of the Butcher of Torfan.” He spat on the ground. “You have no respect for the laws of these worlds.” 

“You’re really one to talk, trying to destroy an entire world. And for what? Because your kind couldn’t have the world? Slaving isn’t enough for you anymore?” 

“These worlds were ours! And I’m tired of your human cows breeding, destroying, taking whatever you want. They will be ours.” He twisted the pistol again. “Now, you will stand aside. Or, this one here won’t be the only casualty.” She raised an eyebrow but never wavered, which only brought a cold laugh from the batarian’s lips. “The others? They’re still alive. How long though depends on you.” 

Icy tendrils wrapped themselves along her arms, down her spine. “Meaning?” 

“Meaning, you step aside, _hero_ , or I blow them up. Their own cow mothers won’t be able to recognize them then.” 

A voice whispered in her ear. “Commander, he’s not bluffing. I’ve been able to get closer to the room he’s keeping the rest of the survivors in. There’s some kind of device in there with them. I can’t get close enough. There are at least three more guards anxiously waiting outside it.” 

_Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck. Either let this god damned son of a batarian whore go, or kill a bunch of civilians. Civilians whose only crime was to be working on the wrong fucking rock in space._ Her arm felt stiff and leaden, but she forced herself to lower the weapon. “Stand aside, Lieutenant.” Bile crept along the back of her throat as soon as she uttered the words. _One day, I will make you pay, you son of a bitch._

More cold laughter as he maneuvered past both Alexis and Alenko, the male hostage still squarely between them. “I’m sure your people will sing more praises in your name.” He moved until he was positioned directly in the doorway, silhouetted by the light of the other room, like an angel of death. “Too bad it will be your noble sacrifice.” 

A gunshot rang out, and with a sigh, the man went limp. The terrorist shoved the body of the hostage into the room before disappearing around the corner, fleeing for the exit. Cursing, she raised her pistol and sprang for the door. 

“Commander!” Liara’s voice was far from quiet now. “There are more devices. We have to stop them before this entire place goes.” 

_God, fucking, damn it all._

"Alenko, assist T'soni." 

"I think we're going to need an extra set of hands, Commander." Liara may have started out an archaeologist rather than a soldier, but she knew when not to panic. She sounded perilously close to panic. 

"Bravo, Charlie, the target is fleeing on foot, I repeat, the target is fleeing. See if you can round him up while we clean up." 

Bravo's 'roger' was more a snarl than words, Charlie's an uncharacteristically quiet echo. Ella was going to lose it if he got away. Meghan wasn't likely to be much better, and for once she'd have Alliance protocol on her side. _We don't negotiate with terrorists._

_We don't let people die when we can save them, either._

"Commander?" Alenko's voice was quiet, and she realized she'd half-spoken aloud. She shook her head, settling her nerves. Mission first. Civilians to rescue. 

"Lead the way Lieutenant, let's get these people out of here." 

*** 

The ride back to the _Normandy_ was uncommonly silent. As was decon, and the usual echo of relieved chatter at a safe return from a mission was lacking as the ground teams stripped armor and racked their weapons without a word exchanged. 

The silence seemed to be centered around Ella, the usual rough edge to her actions missing, every movement sharp and precise. She was holding herself so tightly together that Alexis couldn't even feel the hot flicker of her biotics, the echo along her nerves unusually cool and still. 

  
No one would mistake her for _fire_ today. 

Everyone else disappeared almost silently, Meghan the last to go, one last glance back before she strode away and it was just the two of them. Alexis' body settled firmly into something almost as formal as a parade stance, and she turned sharply out of the locker room, listening to Ella's boot-steps as she followed her to her quarters. 

She only turned to face her when the door had closed behind them, the lock glowing red, keeping the rest of the ship away from them. 

Her fingers were cold. 

She lifted her chin, and met Ella's eyes. 

There it was, hiding in the shadows of her eyebrows, in the dark brown of her eyes, all the rage that wasn't tightening her jaw or her shoulders or her hands. 

When she spoke though, it was barely more than a whisper, achingly soft. “You let him go.” 

_I disarmed a bomb and rescued five innocent civilians._ “Yes.” 

“No rationalizing? No excuses?” 

“No." _You think I don't know that there's no damn excuse? I may have let the bastard go but I'm not an idiot._

“He won’t thank you for it. He’ll try again.” 

“Maybe.” _Maybe we'll get stupid lucky for once and someone else will pick him up before he gets around to it._

“There is no maybe here, _Commander._ He’s a monster, and you practically gave him a god-damned goodie basket on his way out the door!" Her control shattered as her voice rose, boots loud as she stepped forward, then back again, a hard swing of her arm through the air emphasizing her words. "What happened to by-the-book? Or did you skip the chapter where the Alliance doesn’t negotiate with terrorists?” 

“You don’t give a flying fuck about Alliance regulations, and we both know it." Alexis swallowed, held herself still. She knew why this was so hard for Ella. She felt for her, every breath, but one of them had to stay at least nominally in control. "What about Charn?” 

“What?" Ella actually blinked, voice dropping at the apparent non-sequitur. "What about, what?” 

“You killed him.” 

“He was a confessed slaver.” 

“He surrendered." _And you shot him. And God forgive me, I think I'm jealous._

“Batarians don’t surrender.” 

“The Alliance seems to think they do, and suggests we let them if they offer.” 

“Sometimes the Alliance is fucking stupid.” 

“Exactly." _Sometimes I hate you for being able to say that. And sometimes I hate myself for thinking it too. And I wish I knew a way to stop him, I do, but ..._ "I saved their lives, and I would do it again.” 

“What about Aaron Bowman’s life? Or Montoya or Mendel or Hymes or Slajs?” 

“You think I don't already know their names? You think I don't regret that we were too late? They were already dead, and nothing we can do now will change that.” 

“They weren’t just dead, they were murdered." Ella's voice tightened, the anger back full force. "Balak killed them.” 

“And I made sure he didn’t kill five more people.” 

“By letting him get away with the first five?" Ella's teeth were visible behind tight lips, her voice caught in a tangle of sarcasm and sorrow and angry snarl. "How many more people do you think he’s going to kill tomorrow?” 

"Name me one." Alexis stepped forward, leaning in closer, eyes narrowed as she glared at Ella. "Beyond a shadow of a doubt, find one name, one life, one person whose death warrant I just signed by letting Balak go. Because I have the names of five people who get to go home to their families, who might be someone's brother, someone's daughter, that get to have their lives today." She shook her head, made herself step back. "Tomorrow’s on him, not us." 

Neither of them believed that. Tomorrow's blood would be on her, she knew. She'd pay for it. Not that it would help the people he killed, if and when he killed again, but she had to try. Maybe some day she'd convince herself. Maybe someday she wouldn't be haunted by every could-have-been since N training. Since Elysium. Since the day she saw her father fold his class A's and put them away for the last time and she swore she'd get her own and make him proud. "We saved people today.” 

“That’s not fucking good enough.” 

She couldn't tell if Ella wanted to cry, or hit someone, but the hot flare of her biotics was almost a relief, finally admitting to her own desperate turmoil. It was enough, at last, to help Alexis swallow her own regrets, to ignore the trickle of cold down her spine, the tension in her jaw, and keep her voice soft and steady. 

“It is the only thing that is good enough.” 

"His head on a god-damned platter is the only thing that's good enough." 

"And would his head be worth it if we'd gotten him but hadn't stopped X57?" Alexis didn't want to keep going, Ella's eyes were haunted as it was, the line of her shoulders too stiff. "Is your need for his blood more important than a whole damn planet?" _If I could I would have given him to you, I would have watched his blood spill and be glad, but not at that cost. Never at that cost._

Ella flinched, managed one rough breath. A second, forced the blue aura back beneath her skin. "Are those five people you saved worth the next planet he attacks?" 

"I don't know." 

"Then _how,_ how could you," her voice caught, and she turned away, shoulders bowed as she swallowed whatever had been about to spill across her face. "How we die matters Lex, you know that, and we let them die, and we let him get away with it." 

"I know." Alexis wanted to reach out, touch a shoulder, _something,_ but made herself keep talking instead. "And I wish I had seen a different way." 

"You could have shot the bastard in the gut and watched him bleed out." 

"No. I couldn't. Killing him would have meant killing them and I couldn't do it. I could not pull the trigger and watch five scientists, five innocent people die." 

"What is wrong with me that I would have?" 

"There's nothing wrong -" 

"Of course there is," Ella cut her off, turning back around with a sharp painful sound that was almost a laugh. "Or I wouldn't be the Butcher, and the Major would still be the Major, and we wouldn't be having this conversation." 

"No, Ella. We're having this conversation because sometimes there are no good answers. I did the best I could. Can you accept that?" 

"No." Ella shrugged, almost a shudder. "Well. Not yet." 

"Maybe later?" 

"Maybe." She almost managed a smile. "Permission to go bludgeon Julia into making some hot fudge something?" 

"Permission granted." 

Alexis closed her eyes after Ella's retreat. Quiet. Usually she liked the quiet, needed that down time to think, to remember, to plan and prepare for whatever might come next. Today though, there wasn't anything she wanted to think about. She was too tired, and everything hurt, from her shoulders to her toes to her soul. 

_The next blood he spills is on me. I am so tired of blood._

She didn't even want to figure out something to eat, but her stomach was going to complain about a lack of food any moment. 

Her door chimed, and she had to swallow the urge to rub at the spot between her eyebrows, instead allowing one last small sigh as she opened her eyes. "Yes?" 

She expected it was probably Meghan, insisting on checking up on her. Hoped for the slight possibility of Kaidan doing the same, even if it made it harder to keep the necessary illusion of distance intact. _It is so hard to be distant when you've wiped your tears off on his shirt._

Instead she blinked in surprise at Williams standing, ever so slightly off balance, one heel shifting backwards as if she wanted to turn right back around again. 

"Come in." Alexis waved a hand towards the open office end of her quarters, trying not to sound quite as startled as she felt. "Is there something I can help you with, Chief?" 

"No, that is." She could almost see Williams swallow as she stepped inside, the hiss of the door the loudest noise in the room. "I just wanted to say thank you. Ma'am." She shrugged slightly, looking more at the floor beyond the toes of her boots than at Alexis. "Before the other Commanders or the Brass decided to complain about negotiating with terrorists, and Balak's escape hits the news on the 'net, just. You saved that planet. Those scientists. That's what we're supposed to do, right, save people? So." She lifted her head at last, eyes dark, gaze steady. "Thank you." 

Alexis felt her throat close tight, her hard swallow burning all the way down. "There's nothing to thank me for, Williams. We did our job. All of us." 

Williams snorted. "Most people would have done it different. Ma'am." She paused, and then smiled, bright and brash and open. "I'm glad it was you. Feels good to bring someone home again." 

Alexis couldn't help but smile back, just a small one, startled to realize she'd never seen Williams grin like that before, both of them always much too focused on _business._ "Yes, it does." 


	49. Classifying Crazy

“Williams.” Ella Shepard stood a few steps back from the weapons bench where the NCO liked to work when she had downtime. Only one else down in the cargo bay was Wrex, and she didn’t have to worry about him contributing to scuttlebutt if this went badly. Krogan knew how to keep his mouth shut. 

_Well, he’ll probably tell me how I fucked up my approach, but he won’t tell anyone else._

“Commander.” Cool, professional. Nothing like the humorous edge they used to share before the Burns’ fiasco. Not bitter, either, thanks to whatever the hell Meg had said and Williams’ subsequent magical and apparently even heartfelt apology. But not friendly. Not anymore. 

_She's friendlier with Lex now, at least, and I never thought they'd pull that off. Ah well, I'm used to being the bogeyman. Could be worse._

“As you were, Chief,” Ella nodded at the bench, waiting ‘til Williams finished putting her tools away and settling back down before continuing. “I’m going to need you with me on the ground soon.” 

“Me?” The soldier’s nostrils flared, very slightly, but she refrained from doing or saying anything potentially unprofessional. “Really? Ma’am? That seems,” her mouth tightened, clamping shut on whatever she’d almost said. _Probably something particularly vulgar that we could have laughed about together before she met the Butcher._

“It seems imperative to Alliance Command that no one outside the Corps gets to see this particular goatfuck, Chief. Which means you, me, and Alenko.” 

The slightest of eyebrow raises made Ashley’s next question obvious, even though she didn’t actually open her mouth and ask why the hell they were sending the Butcher out again, then, rather than one of the other Commanders. 

“The Admiral has informed me that the odd signal we’ve been tracking? Is from former-Major Kyle. They’re hoping he won’t shoot me out of hand, as they rather suspect happened to the last group of Alliance officers who attempted to talk to him. Familiarity, and all that.” 

Williams’ soft snort suggested she’d finished that old phrase with it’s usual suffix. _Ah, fuck, I am bad at the talking. Why are they making me talk? I do not talk nice. I shoot things._ “Shit. That didn’t come out well, did it.” Ella tilted her head slightly, scowling at the NCO. “Can we start this conversation over? Yes? Ok.” _Blunt. I am much better at blunt. Let’s go with that._ “I need your help, and I promise you and Alenko are more important than the crazy biotic cultists, so I won’t shoot at you.” 

“He wasn’t more important than the last crazy biotic group.” 

“I knew he could handle it, they hadn’t killed anyone yet, and I don’t like cleaning up for the politicians. This one, though, don’t think I’ll have so many options.” _My fault. My mess. No good choices left._ Ella felt the weight of her eyelids as she blinked, slowly, waiting for the soldier’s reaction. 

“Huh.” Williams gave her the benefit of thinking about it, seriously, rather than rattling something off impulsively. “Alright. Ma’am. Never let it be said I wouldn’t watch a fellow marine’s six. Regardless of,” she trailed off, shrugged. “Regardless.” 

“Thank you, Williams.” Ella nodded once, brusquely. “We should hit Hawking Eta early tomorrow. Be ready to drop.” She turned and retreated to the elevator, and the crew deck, and any distraction she could find. _No thinking about tomorrow. Or yesterday. That way lies crying like a baby. Hard to shoot things with tears in your eyes. Dear God, don’t make me have to shoot him. Please._

~*~ 

“I served with him at Torfan.” 

A simple phrase into a call box. Got them in the compound. Got them face to face. But oh, his eyes. They weren't the eyes she remembered. They didn't smile. They didn't wink. They hated. 

She'd done that to him. 

Her choices. 

His voice was different too. Not smooth and commanding, no more control, half-dead. He called her Butcher. 

_Butcher_

_Commander_

_Not Shepard_

_Not Ella_

_Never again_

But she made herself keep talking, made herself listen to that same slow dead voice, until _finally,_ finally she found something that made his mouth ease, not a smile, not quite, but a softening, just a little, just enough to make him look alive. 

“What kind of father lets his children die?” She could hear her own voice shaking, trying desperately to find the man she used to know. The man she used to love. The Corps. Her Major. He hadn't been able to handle his troops dying on Torfan. _Couldn't bear that I killed them._ That was how this started. Maybe it was how it could end, too? _Don't let them die. No more dying._

There was a flash of ... something, in his eyes. He didn't forgive her. Couldn't forgive her. But maybe he understood? 

And then she had to leave him there. Hope she was right. Hope he'd turn himself in. Hope his word still meant something. 

_Fifth Fleet’s problem_

_Not mine_

_Never again_

Her throat was on fire. Her chest ached, her stomach twisting in knots as they approached the Mako. Pretending she couldn't see the frown between Williams' eyebrows, hear the worry in Alenko's voice. “I’m fine, Chief. Lieutenant.” 

_Brown eyes, worried, confused, angry_

_Brown eyes, compassionate, quiet, waiting_

_Nausea_

_Regret_

_Not fine_

_Never again_

~*~ 

“Shepard? What the hell are you doing here?” 

Alenko visibly winced at Joker’s tone, but he looked just as surprised to see her as the loud-mouthed pilot. “Are you sure you want to?” Alenko stuttered slightly over his words, “I mean, we can cover here without you, ma’am.” 

“I know you two geniuses think you can handle anything and everything,” Ella’s nonchalant tone was belied by her white-knuckle grip on her coffee mug, “but I am Nav-on-deck for this shift. Which you both already knew, so cut the schtick.” 

“But we are geniuses, Commander, and we’ve done this relay jump before. No Nav required. Seriously. You don’t have to be here.” Joker leaned slightly forward in his chair. _Uncomfortably attempting to be nice?_

“Are you telling me what to do, Flight Lieutenant?” Ella knew she was overreacting, but snarling felt better than anything else since the name Kyle had passed Admiral Hackett’s lips in their briefing, and she’d realized she was going to have to face her former CO. _And his fucking commune_. 

“Course not, ma’am.” The damn pilot wasn’t at all intimidated. “But successfully completing a mission without a shot being fired is generally cause for celebration.” Out of the corner of her eye, Ella saw Alenko blanch at Joker’s comment. She’d never actually seen anyone do that before; had just come across the phrase in one of Meg’s historical novels when she’d been bored enough to try to read the damn thing. “It does not, usually, inspire puking and swearing and stomping through the CIC like you regret not aiming a shotgun at someone’s face.” 

“How?” Ella’s glare switched to Alenko but before she could even get her question out, Joker kept going, his voice still obnoxiously light and calm. 

“Don’t blame Alenko. Or go in search of Williams. You forgot to turn your comm off.” 

“Fuck,” she breathed out softly, the tangled knot of anger and despair she hadn’t been able to get rid of finally loosening its grip on her gut and sliding away on a wave of embarrassment. _I lost my lunch over the comms for everyone to hear. Why the hell didn’t my girls warn me? Double fuck._ Realizing she’d been rubbing her forehead above her eyebrows, she dropped her hand back down to her side. 

“Well, hell, now I’m embarrassed.” 

“Don’t be ma’am. Cut the feed for you. Don’t think anyone besides me heard it. Well, the ground team obviously had front row seats, but that’s it.” 

_Damn, now he’s embarrassed. I am such a bitch._ “Thank you, Lieutenant,” Ella muttered softly, before settling slowly into the chair at the nav-duty station, placing her mug carefully on the flat console beside her. 

“You never answered my question, Shepard.” Joker continued relentlessly. “Why are you here, when you don’t really need to be?” 

“Sitting in the mess or kicking Lex out of the CO’s cabin to brood is such a better idea than working? Just shut it, Moreau, and let me find something to do, alright?” 

“Aye, aye ma’am. See if you can find me a better route than standard, then. Lots and lots of boring numbers to distract you there, Commander.” 

“Numbers are not boring. Philistine," she sniffed in disdain. 

"Oooh, fancy word." Joker whistled at her. "Didn't know you had it in you ma'am." 

Ella shrugged. "Stole it from Lex," she muttered. 

"Who'd the Commander call a philistine?" Alenko asked, smiling slightly. 

Ella and Joker shared a quick glance, both trying not to grin. Alenko was becoming rather predictable regarding the subject of Alexis Shepard. 

"That would've been me right after we met." Ella sighed with relief, glad the dynamic duo weren't trying to get her to go away and rest anymore. "Until she needed me to help tutor her in math for our entrance exams. She helped me with the history, and Meg devoured every book and book-file she could find in the Dungeon, so between the three of us we were one genius recruit.” 

"Dungeon?" Alenko and Joker asked almost simultaneously. 

"Alliance Accelerated Biotic Training Course. Part of the interim program between BAaT and Ascension. We were in lockdown for just over a year somewhere over Elysium." She shook her head slightly at the memory. "Holy hell, but I missed sunshine. And fresh air." She looked around the cockpit as she picked her coffee up again. "And then I did my damnedest to get a shipboard posting and stay there. I am obviously crazy." 

"Could've told you that, Commander," Joker winked. 

"Because the lunatics always recognize each other?" Ella raised her eyebrows in amusement, her lips curving around the edge of her mug as she took a sip. 

“Pretty much, ma’am,” Joker nodded. “Though the CO had me fooled for awhile. She's good at hiding the crazy." 

"For future knowledge, Moreau, all career marines are crazy. Even Alenko there," she nodded at the sentinel as she put her mug down, "though he hides it better than anyone I've ever met. Have to be to want to put yourself out on the front line like that." 

Alenko chuckled softly. “Not sure if that was intended as a compliment or not, ma’am, but I’ll take it as one.” 

“Course it’s a compliment, Lieutenant. I like the crazies. And I admire self-control. Mostly just in other people, though.” 

“Self-control is highly overrated.” Joker claimed airily. 

“Says the man who worked hard enough he put his flight instructors to shame. Liar.” Ella snorted. 

“That didn’t require self-control. Just attitude. Attitude gets you pretty far in flight school. Flinging yourself through space and mass effect fields does not attract the calm and stable,” Joker paused. “How many pilots have you met, that you haven’t learned that yet?” 

“Umm...” Ella thought back carefully. “Twenty-two? Do the baby-pilots-to-be at the Academy count? ‘Cause then it’d be higher.” 

“Math nerd.” Joker scoffed. “Normal people don’t actually answer questions like that. Rhetorical, you know.” 

“Oooh, now you’re using the big words. I know that one though. You’re not nearly as intellectually intimidating as you think you are." She swallowed the urge to giggle. "Plus, I’ve been reliably informed that normal is dull.” 

Joker’s grin as she repeated his own words back at him was irresistible, his teeth white against his beard, his green eyes flashing as she smiled back. 

Alenko’s helpless laughter from the other seat interrupted their staring contest. “How do you two ever get any work done?” 

“What?” Ella blinked at the marine tech. “We’re working. He hasn’t crashed,” she nodded over at Joker, “and I’ve got three possible alternate routes started. Don’t tell me you can’t keep an eye on your systems just ‘cause we’re talking.” 

“That’s what you call that?” Alenko was obviously still amused, smothered laughter lightening his voice. 

“Our mouths move, words come out, we take turns. That’s generally called a conversation, Alenko.” Joker’s words seemed even faster than usual, with an odd note Ella couldn’t quite interpret as he and the other Lieutenant locked glares. 

“So, were you trying to get rid of me ‘cause you two need some alone time? I mean, while that’s something I wouldn’t be adverse to watching, I am capable of some discretion if you don’t want an audience.” As they both turned towards her, brown and green eyes wide, she continued, “Cockpit might not be the best place for that though. Not very private.” _Damn, I made Alenko blush and Joker speechless. I’m good._ She smothered a grin before turning back to her console. 

~*~ 

Ella blinked in surprise, looking down at the pair of mugs resting next to Julia, then glanced around the empty mess. _Huh. Grabbed two without thinking. Don’t know why I thought the pilot’s insomnia would always sync up with mine._

A faint shuffle-tap caused her to lift her head again. _Apparently ‘cause it does,_ she thought with a slight smile _._ “Pseudo-milk or pseudo-chocolate, Moreau?” 

“Surprise me.” The words were followed by the now familiar sounds of crutches clacking against the edge of the table as he settled down in the closest chair. 

“That might be a bad idea, combining a frustrated cook, a demonic ‘chef and an attempted surprise.” Ella’s smile broadened to a grin she shot at him over her shoulder before turning back to the menu in front of her. 

“I can handle it. And if not, I know where we saved the hot chocolate recipe you figured out last week.” 

“That one was pretty good, wasn’t it? Here’s hoping, then,” Ella grabbed her two full mugs and sat down, sliding one across the table and waiting expectantly. 

“Oh, I’m the guinea pig this time?” 

“I had a crappy day. If it’s awful, I’d rather not have to find out on my own.” 

“Yeah, about that...” 

“Drink first.” Ella pointed at his mug. “Then you can ask your impertinent questions.” 

“Promise?” 

“Apparently, yes,” Ella sighed. “Sometimes, I lack sense.” 

“Sometimes?” Joker snickered. 

“Shut up. You have to drink first.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Joker paused for a moment to glare down at the dark liquid in his mug. Showing either admirable bravery, or a bit too much trust in her abilities, he picked it up and took a gulp without a small-scale taste-test. 

Trying not to wince, Ella waited impatiently for his reaction. 

“Shit, Commander, is that wine?” He paused and blinked. “Really good hot, spicy wine?” 

Relieved at his ‘really good’ comment, she took a sip herself, and sighed as the soothing warmth spread across her tongue and down her throat. 

“Mulled,” Ella corrected. “It’s mulled wine. I felt in need of some alcohol tonight. It was either that or hot toddies. And rum or brandy? Probably pushing things.” 

“No offense, but you’re as technically inclined as, oh, a rock. How’d you break the contraband lock?” 

“Used a rock.” Ella only kept her straight face for a moment before quirking a grin. “Command over-ride. Lex expressed some sympathy regarding my crappy day. One time use, though.” 

“So, yeah, crappy day?” Joker asked, his hands wrapped around his own mug, cradling it in front of his face where he could breathe in the steam. “You doing alright, Shepard?” 

Ella shrugged slightly, not sure how to answer. 

“Well that was quite the resounding maybe.” 

With a sigh, Ella set down her mug. She slid one hand up her arm, before taking off her omnitool and placing it smack in the middle of the table and glaring at it. 

“The Major trained as an Infiltrator, did you know that? Genius man. Loved his tech.” 

“Ahh,” Joker sighed softly, reaching one hand out to trace the edge of the ‘tool. “Had some friends in Kassa R &D, did he?” 

“Apparently.” 

“So, uh, why’d he’d get it for you?” 

“Birthday present.” 

“For a vanguard? That’s not very … “ Joker paused, his hand waving slightly as he tried to come up with the right word. _Or possibly tone down the first one he thought of …_

“He was convinced that, with nice enough toys, he’d get me past the ‘tech phobia’ that interfered with developing my ‘true potential’.” Ella rolled her eyes slightly. “Damn good thing the man smuggled me a can of strawberries too, or he’d have been in trouble for the lousy present. Especially since I was stuck in med-bay and couldn’t run away from his tech lessons.” 

“Medbay?” 

“Missed a booby-trap. Cracked hip. Only kept the leg 'cause I had my _barrier_ up.” 

“Ow.” Joker winced sympathetically. “So, uh, you and your CO?” 

“Me and the Major what?” Ella paused and stared at Joker for a moment before her eyes widened. “Oh, hell no, not like that. Ew. Man’s old enough to be my,” her voice cracked slightly, “my father. 

"He was supposed to give me away at my wedding,” she whispered. 

The mug he was still holding dropped to the table, wine splashing over his hands and spreading across the table as Joker stared at her in shock. “You’re _married_?!?” 

“Fuck no.” Ella snickered. “Never even considered it. Hypothetical wedding.” 

“Oh,” Joker sighed, before squinting his eyes at her. “What?” 

“I’m not making much sense, am I?” 

“Not really, no,” Joker admitted as he grabbed a couple napkins from the dispenser in the center of the table. 

“My first assignment after graduation was as the Major’s aide. Clerk job on JZ.” Ella frowned slightly at the memory. “I make a lousy desk jockey.” 

“That would’ve been... in ‘76? Remember hearing about him back then,” Joker nodded slowly as he cleaned up his spill. “The assignment no one wanted. Generally chewed through fresh new aides in a matter of weeks, right?” 

“Yeah,” Ella nodded slightly, then paused . “Where the heck were you in ‘76? Never saw your fragile ass at the Academy, and you should've only been a year behind me.” 

“Never went. Finished high school early, e-program. Couldn’t apply for a medical waiver to enlist 'til I was legal, so I did my bachelor’s before I joined. Went straight to flight school in ‘75.” 

“Wow. Extra baby twoie-louie, weren’t you? Only 20?” 

“I prefer precocious.” Joker corrected. “Or prodigal. Wait. That means something else entirely. Prodigy?” 

“Egomaniac?” Ella countered. 

“Only if I didn’t have the skills to back it up. I did. Still do.” 

“Are you ever uncertain about anything?” Ella felt suddenly wistful. She used to know what that felt like. _Not lately._

“Course.” She watched his shoulders shift under his utilities as he shrugged, his fingers suddenly forcefully ripping apart the pile of damp napkins as his gaze dropped briefly. “Not flying though.” His eyes lifted again, watching her as she sipped carefully at her wine. “Being tentative while piloting gets you killed. And everyone else aboard.” 

“And that would be bad.” 

“Generally, yeah. Try to avoid the dying.” 

“I’m not so good at that,” Ella whispered. 

“Don’t look much like a zombie.” 

Ella snorted softly, downing the last of her wine in two large gulps. “Haunted, more like. I keep killing everyone else.” 

“Which brings us nicely back to your crappy day, doesn’t it?” Joker finally took a second sip of the remnants of his own drink, his eyes never leaving her face. 

“Not going to let me avoid those nosy questions, are you?” 

“I think you need to talk. And for some reason you’re not talking to the Commanders. So no. Not going to leave you alone.” 

“You’re my babysitter now, are you?” _That’s kinda sweet. Wait. Why is that sweet? Pushy pilot._

“Someone has to be. You vanguards lack sense.” 

“Oh, ‘cause sensible is just the defining characteristic of pilots.” 

“Means I recognize the signs of nonsense going too far.” Joker paused, blinking slightly. “Of not-sense? Nonsensical-ness? Huh. That doesn’t sound right.” 

Ella pushed her empty mug to the side of the table, chuckling softly. “I should just let you keep talking. You’ll distract yourself from my bad mood all on your own.” 

“No, I won’t.” 

“Damnit,” Ella sighed, shifting until her cheek was resting against her hand, elbow braced on the table. “I don’t know where to start.” 

“Aide. ‘76. Too proud of your shiny new bars to admit you had a crap assignment?” 

“Never even occurred to me I could request a transfer, I must admit. Though I certainly complained about it to my girls. Until Lex got her famous shore-leave, that is. Put things in perspective.” 

“Wouldn’t think your life needed a lot of perspective lessons. Considering.” 

“It’s amazing how easy it is to forget things. Even when you ought to know better.” Ella shrugged slightly. “Mind can’t stay on Mindoir forever. Needs a break, eventually.” 

“Huh. Met a lot of people who seemed determined to keep their brains somewhere unpleasant. And make the rest of us suffer with them.” 

“That’s way too much work.” Ella shrugged yet again, annoyed that she couldn’t seem to get into any sort of rhythm for this particular conversation. “Anyways. Aide. For years. Minus the short stint when I got stuck in Singapore for awhile after I sorta clocked him one.” 

“You WHAT?” Joker slammed his now empty mug on the table again. “You. Who gave me a hard time about not worshiping the ground Anderson walked on, punched your CO?” 

“He wouldn’t give me leave to go see Meg. After Akuze. He apologized. After I did. Moron.” 

“You, or him?” 

“Mostly me. Him a little bit. I was used to him always knowing everything about everyone on the crew, and the one time he wasn’t two steps ahead of me was the one time I desperately needed his help getting across the galaxy.” She sighed. “We were close. He was my second chance at a family. The Marine Corp in general, him in specific. Like a father.” 

Her voice froze, her face suddenly hard as she remembered his voice when he’d greeted her on Presrop. Cold. Distant. Nothing like the smile he used to hide after briefings, the wink when they survived a fire-fight, together. The bark of his laughter whenever Chief Li surprised them both with her off-color humor in her most formal of voices, her face always completely straight. 

_Another ghost to miss. Damnit Li._

“He really thought I’d do it. That I’d kill them all, just to get to him. And he was right. However much I didn’t want to, I’d have killed them all to stop him. Damn him.” She closed her eyes, desperate to hold the hot tears in, to stop before she lost it completely. “I didn’t have a choice. I never have a choice.” 

“Course you had a choice.” Joker’s voice was soft, serious. Oddly soothing in the darkness behind closed eyelids. “You could retreat before you’re done, saving lives now for more dead tomorrow. Crappy choice, totally not worth it, but it’s there. And I’ve known officers who’d take it. 'Cause sometimes it’s easier.” 

Ella opened her eyes, staring across the table at the face across from her, comforted by the cold look in his eyes. _Soft Navy-space-nerd my ass. Done his share of flying through the suck. Not fair of me to forget it._ Her chuckle was awkward, rusty with suppressed tears clogging her throat. “Well, hell, tell that to my review boards, why don’t you? They’re always trying to hide me behind a desk somewhere.” 

“Someone must be telling them that, already,” Joker shrugged slightly, “as you’re out here in the black on the _Normandy_ , after all.” 

“The Old Man and The Admiral do look out for me, it’s true. Ever since The Major stopped.” She sighed, softly, brought back to their original conversation. “He was a hard-ass in combat, had a temper when he was stuck groundside too long, but he was a good man. Before Torfan.” 

A soft smile snuck across her face as she forced her memories back. Before the tunnels broke them both.. “He was secretly a big softie when it came to his men. Always kept an eye on them. Loved a good wedding. Thus the making him promise to walk me down the aisle if, you know, I magically developed decent taste some day.” 

“Not one of your strong suits?” Joker easily followed along her change of topic, letting her past rest where it belonged. _For now, at least._

“Hell, no.” Ella snickered. “A gangbanger who tried to kill me cause I went Alliance instead of joining his crew, a selfish little twit at the Academy who couldn’t be bothered to dump me over email, even, I have no idea what I thought I saw in her, a string of shore-leave flings, a few proper dates that never quite went anywhere, and, well,” her amusement faded, “almost Caprone.” 

“Wow. That is spectacularly bad taste. What is wrong with you?” 

Ella flicked her fingers, blue glow suddenly enveloping the pile of damp napkins and flying them at Joker’s chest. “Jerk. My family died horribly in front of me when I was almost 16, and I latched on to anyone who seemed interested, and flashed pretty eyes at me.” 

“Is that all it takes?” Joker smirked at her, wadding the pile of napkins back up and plopping them at the edge of the table next to her mug. “I could do that, and then where would you be?” 

“Court Martialed. Had this conversation already, remember?” 

“So you’re not arguing my probable success rate? Hmm. Have to remember that.” 

Ella burst out laughing, her voice echoing through the empty mess hall. “You’re incorrigible. Hopelessly so.” 

“What hopeless? I’ve never tried not being irresistible.” 

Ella snorted, pushing herself up from the table and picking up the mugs and napkins. “Course you haven’t.” She chucked the trash in the chute before turning towards Julia again. “Refill?” She asked over her shoulder. 

“‘Course. Even try to drink it this time, instead of spilling it. Your fault though, dropping wedding stories on me.” 

Carrying two fresh mugs back to the table, Ella rolled her eyes at him. “Turnabout is fair play, then. Your turn.” 

“My turn what?” 

“C’mon, you gotta have a few horror stories of your own.” 

“I have impeccable taste in friends, compatriots, and lovers.” 

“Really?” Ella raised her eyebrows at him, still standing by the table, mugs cradled against her chest. “Then I’m not sharing.” 

“Aw hell.” Joker grinned at her, apparently not particularly upset. “Well, there was this one gal I was chatting with online, met her in the e-program I used for high school...” 

“And?” Ella grinned back. 

“... as soon as she passed her last class, she tried to pass me along to her brother...” 

"Ouch." Ella shook her head in sympathy, sat down, and passed Joker his mug. “Well, hell. That is pretty terrible. Was he at least cute?” 

Joker pressed his hand to his heart. All it would take to put them in a proper old-fashioned melodrama would be a few fluttering eyelashes. “Not the point! Poor, young, innocent me, cruelly betrayed by my first love.” 

“You? The innocent party? I find that hard to imagine.” She tilted her head, grinning at his over-acting. “I notice you didn’t answer my question, either.” 

“What, was he cute? Hell yeah, he was smoking hot. And crazy with a capital CRAZE.” Joker waved his arms wildly, eyes wide to emphasize his point. 

“I thought you liked crazy?” 

“There is good crazy,” Joker’s hand waved slightly, gesturing first to himself, then across the table to Ella, “and there is _bad_ crazy.” He shuddered slightly. “Definitely bad crazy.” 

"Aw, poor you, lot of experience with the crazies?" 

"I am a connoisseur of crazy." Joker's face softened, his smirk fading into a soft smile again. _Third time's even more charming than the first two. Wait. I'm counting smiles?_ "You're definitely the best crazy I've ever met." 

"Well. Then." Ella had to cough past a throat strangely tight, and swallow a smile and ignore the odd ache in her chest as she lifted her mug. "To the good crazies?" 

"To the best crazies." 


End file.
